Normally, we would opt to start an article with a witty bit of humor. We try to keep it light around here. This isn't going to be that article, though.
Children who are mentally or emotionally atypical can struggle when it comes to school. Finding the right environment for them to thrive can be a challenge. Unless and until the right fit is found, there are bound to be incidents.
Reddit user Ranakisnthere asked about those incidents when they posted this question:
Teachers of Reddit, what are your stories of, "Oh god, this child is a sociopath"?
The responses could sometimes be intense and are not for the easily unsettled.
Already Dead
I have a million stories of students who say borderline sociopathic stuff, but the worst thing I've ever heard to date was:
"I can't be trusted with knives. My mommy hides all knives in the house from me because I've tried to stab everything and everyone. I know if I stab an animal or a person too much they might die. This would mean I'd go to jail and I don't think I could make it in jail. So I want to find a dead body and stab it over and over again. This way I know I won't get in too much trouble cause the person was already dead."
She was only nine.
All For Attention
This one happened just the other day and, obviously, I'm going to be anonymous about it to protect the child's identity. Let's call her Abby.
So, I'm driving a minibus of students home from a basketball practice when suddenly Abby starts screaming, "did that have peanuts in it!? I'm allergic to peanuts!" She begins hyperventilating and crying and actually makes me pull over so she can get off the bus and throw up. We're about 15 minutes from the school and I'm literally having a panic attack.
So, I call the principal and ask what should I do? Do we have an Epi-pen on hand at the school, ect. She seems confused and puts Abby's grandmother on, who tells me she wasn't aware her granddaughter, who is claiming she can barely breath, HAD any allergies.
When we got back to the school I was about ready to faint and the principal brings out her registration paperwork to show me: no listed allergies. She isn't allergic to anything, it was all an act. The hyperventilating, the crying, even the throwing up, was all for attention.
- Typofest
The First Seven Months
GiphySo I am not entirely sure if this is sociopath or psychopath but I had a child that was creepily into my pregnancy for the first 7 months.The child was a Male. 10 years old. He wanted to name her, talked to my belly, etc.
Then one day it clicked that I would leave to take care of the baby once the child was born. He got really close to me and whispered, "When you come out, I'm going to kill you with a hammer. I hate you."
I was shocked, so I took him with me to the office. The LSSP asked why he said that. He replied that, "It will take her away. I want it to die so she stays here."
He was on a lot of medication for his incredibly violent tendencies. He had tried to kill his sister before by pushing her in front of a bus. His mother kept him locked in his room at night because she had found him standing over her with a knife.
The last I saw of that child, he was being carried down the hall by two grown men and giving them a run for their money. He had attempted to kill the school's police dog with a pair of scissors. He was screaming and ranting that he would "kill all of you MFers!"
He ended up being committed after a long series of events that involved MHMR and CPS. I will never forget his poor mother crying in our final meeting and asking what she had done wrong. Her other two children were neurotypical and absolute delights. I had taught both of them previously. It still makes me tear up sometimes.
Waiting For The Opportunity
I had a student while I was doing my student teaching (8th grade). He was constantly in trouble, but during the times he WAS in class, he just stared off with the most vacant look in his eyes, it truly scared me. It was downright creepy.
One day he was up at the whiteboard writing some stuff (I think it was correcting sentences) with a bunch of other kids who were doing the same thing. I wasn't watching the kids at the board, and all of a sudden I hear this blood curdling scream and look over - he had brought a hypodermic needle and had stabbed the girl next to him in the leg.
He had been holding it in his hand the entire time, just waiting for the opportunity to stick someone. It was, of course, terrible, but the girl turned out okay. The worst part, besides that, was how he laughed when security came to get him ... Ugh, I'm shuddering now just thinking about it.
Fear For His Future
I taught a 4 year old boy who actually scared me because I fear what his future will be. I can see him ended up doing some awful things to people.
He would try and kiss and hug girls and when they didn't want to, he'd hold them tightly and try to anyway, even if they loudly protested. I explained that there is no kissing in school and if someone doesn't want to hug, they absolutely do not have to. I also said that some people don't like hugging. He said "Well I want her to! So she will!"
He just couldn't understand boundaries of any kind. This is just one tiny example of the things he did. His behavior with other students boundaries was so bad that molestation at home was one of the things that crossed our minds at the school.
I logged all of his behaviours (this took hours and I had to do the logs multiple times a day). This school has a specific safeguarding leader who works with the police to investigate concerns. They follow a specific referral policy and referred this on. Investigations showed no concerns about his home life.
I did refer him for evaluation as I believe he has autism and he's undergoing assessment now and awaiting a diagnosis but I worry there's something else there with him.
He would also watch other children to see how he 'should' act. For example, a child might be sad and another child comforts them. He would copy this behaviour but totally exaggerate it. Like completely over the top and use it as an excuse to touch others - mainly girls. He never showed any genuine emotion other than anger and jealousy.
He had a very scary look in his eyes and I've never met another child like him.
Shark-eye
GiphyI was often substituting a special needs class, 6-7 boys about 8-10 years old. The days were normally lively but I always had everything under control and the boys had learned to trust me and at least tried to do what I told them to. Never had any real problems, just normal stuff.
Then one time there was a new boy in the class. Their teacher had written me a note that said to keep a close eye on him at all times. He had the telltale features of a FAS child and small, black eyes like a shark. He never showed any emotion whatsoever excluding immense excitement if someone else got hurt in any way.
Few days passed without any incidents and then, out of the blue he stands up in the middle of class, yanks the much smaller guy sitting in front of him down with his chair from behind and starts to pummel him in the face with his fists. I ran to intervene and grabbed him off and set him in a corner ordering one of the trustworthy boys to run and get the principal here, NOW! The attacker stood in the corner, emotionless as ever and completely calm. I turned to check out the crying kid on the floor and miraculously he seemed unharmed but was just shaken uo by the surprise attack. I sat down on the floor to calm him down and to help him up. Next thing I know is the shark-eye kid standing beside me and stabbing me on the leg with my teacher scissors (the only pointy ones in the classroom).
It was then when I realized why the attacked kid wasn't badly hurt. Shark-eye was big for his age but he had no physical strength at all. I didn't even get a bruise from his stab, my trusty Lee's jeans stopped the blade which I instantly took from him.
I threw the scissors on top of a high shelf and ordered everyone else out of the classroom to wait for the principal's arrival while I watched over Shark-eye. Boys ran out, Shark-eye looked at me curiously for a few seconds and sat down at his desk and continued his math assignments like nothing had happened.
I asked him quite sternly what had made him attack a fellow student. Shark-eye lifted his empty gaze and said "I heard him laughing at the school cafeteria. I thought he could have been laughing at me. Can we play football today in PE class?"
The boy had no empathy nor remorse. The episode meant absolutely nothing to him. When the principal arrived we went through the situation and the class affirmed my description or events as they had happened. Shark-eyes' mom picked him up early and he stayed at home for a few days. The principal told me that this was not the first such incident and that the boy was on queue for a hospital school class. The principal commended me for my actions (I was very young at the time) and was surprised that I had been able to keep my cool even after getting stabbed, even if the attempt had been pitiful.
Turned out that's my teacher superpower. I never lose it. Even when I've been spit at, got chairs thrown at me, someone trying to gouge my eyes out while holding them (more than once) etc. Luckily the years in the same school have accumulated my reputation and nowadays it's very rare that someone even dares to try to mess with me.
This incident was nearly 20 years ago but I'll never forget it.
- Lorindol
Through The Years
Met this kid when he was two and a half, and he was already messed up. Super manipulative. He would chase the other kids, trying to hit or kick them. He crafted pretty convincing lies to get other kids in trouble, or blame them for things he did. He did it so well that it often was impossible to KNOW it was a lie, other than that you knew it was him because it was always him. At nap time he would get off the cots and try to body slam all the kids trying to sleep, if you sat with him he would try to kick you in the face, if you tried to control him (by restraining him or something like that) he'd scream that you were hurting him and my director would come in and threaten to write us up if we touched him again. Nap time was terrible.
At three he continued the above behaviors but started adding in creepy threats. He told my co-teacher he was going to get a gun online, and the post man was going to bring it to his house, and he would hide it in his backpack and bring it to school and shoot her in the head when she wasn't looking. He told another teacher he was going to bring a hammer and hit her until her head looked like applesauce.
At four he was STILL doing all the above creepy sh!t but also was now big enough to throw chairs across the room, and had discovered gouging people's skin off with his fingernails and biting. He was not allowed to have anything even remotely sharp, ever. We pretty much had to be constantly watching him, despite having 19 other kids with two teachers (the ratio at 4 and up was 10 kids per teacher).
During all of the above behaviors he would intersperse periods of being very sweet. As a teacher, who wants the best for kids and believes they all deserve love and a place to feel safe, you'd think "finally! He's opening up to me! We can work with this! We can help him!!" Even, selfishly, "I'm the teacher who finally got to him!" but that was only new teachers, and we all fell for it at least once. Inevitably it turned out he was using it to get away with things, and when you'd take another kids side on something where he was clearly in the wrong he'd say "but I thought you liked me now? I thought you liked me... You hate me don't you. Nobody loves me" while crying. If you made it clear you didn't buy that, he'd pretty much just scream at you and then turn back into the terror he was. It was just an emotional f-ing rollercoaster with this kid, honestly. Always holding out hope eventually that little phase of being nice would be the real deal, the time you'd really actually really reached him...
By five he still wasn't potty trained (he refused, mostly, but when we pushed the matter his grandma got mad and told us never to put him in underwear). One day he showed up with stitches on his face, his grandma said he'd been bitten in the face by their dog and she was going to have it put down. We all immediately wondered what he'd done to the dog. (For what it's worth I convinced her to rehome the dog and unless she was a manipulative lying little person like her grandson, I like to believe she was telling the truth.) We had real scissors in the pre-k room and licensing says that all art materials had to be available at all times (this includes paint and chalk, which was a headache to manage all by itself). We had to watch him because he often tried to stab people. The director wouldn't listen to reason in regards to putting them up because of him, we were just supposed to do a better job "controlling the classroom." He started talking about genitals and asking sexual questions. His grandma insisted we were teaching him this behavior and refused to answer any questions that intimated
We had all called CPS multiple times about this kid, and had never seen any follow through. I had been refusing to work in the room with him anymore because I often had bruises and scratch marks and nothing was being done to support us, we were just supposed to redirect him. If we couldn't control him without saying "no" or using time out or restraining him in ANY way we got in trouble, we were only supposed to "redirect." IE give him special treats, thereby further encouraging the behavior AND making the other kids feel they had to replicate such behavior if they also wanted special toys, activities, food, whatever.
However, when he was about 5 and a half we had gotten a new director who immediately decided he was a danger to the other kids and we couldn't control him with any tools we were authorized to use. She suggested he get some outside help and perhaps reduce his time with us until his behavior improved. His grandma withdrew him instead, screaming the whole time about how we always hated her and her baby and now he wasn't going to have anyone to watch him and he was gonna get worse because we abandoned him etc etc.
I really hope that little boy got help. He was a danger from before most kids were forming full sentences, and continued getting worse. I hope he got removed from the toxic environment he was in and got all the help he could get. However, I will not be surprised to see his name in the newspaper someday soon connected to a violent crime or two. He would be 11 or 12 by now.
Carrying Out An Experiment
I have seen students display all sorts of extreme behaviour over the past 20 years, teaching teenagers in challenging schools.
The one kid that I was convinced was a psychopath, just quietly refused to do anything he didn't want to do. I never saw him angry, and yet I did see him hit people and say awful things to them. He was always eerily calm.
He was tiny and very cute but he used to manipulate people and then watch chaos unfold with these huge unblinking puppy-dog eyes, just studying it all. It was like he was carrying out an experiment.
ANYWAY that was when he was about 14. He's 19 now and serving a life sentence for a horrific gang murder.
Cameras And Microphones
Story from a friend. As the new teacher he got stuck doing after school detention a lot his first year as a high school teacher. He didn't mind because he always stays late anyway with paperwork. Now at some point he had only one student for detention and he says she is the worst human being he's ever met.
She tried to blackmail him. Told him that either he would mark her as having attended the detention and all future detentions - or she was going to say that he assaulted her. Luckily for him there's both cameras and microphones in the classrooms. So that never happened and he did report it to the principal.
She was later expelled for bringing a knife to school and cutting another girls ponytail off in the bathroom.
Fast forward 5 years, when I was away at college, my mom's friend's daughter also went there (senior when I was a freshman), and I guess he had been stalking her for years. He moved from our hometown to the town she went to college in, where I had just moved. She had filed restraining orders and orders of protection against him ,but he would just violate them and serve the time - it didn't bother him. I was terrified that he would find out I lived there, and make me his next victim since she was graduating soon. Luckily he never did, and I hadn't heard anything about him until recently.
A friend of mine is now the guidance counselor at my old high school. He was reading up on some old files regarding students that are flagged if they ever come back to the school. He was one of them, and the reasons give me chills. He had apparently told one of the teachers/coaches that he loved him, so that he would let him know before he bombed the school, so that he could make sure he wasn't there when it happened. He also was found with a "hit list" of all of the people, teachers and students both, that he wanted to kill, with detail of how he would kill them. I'm sure you can guess where I'm going with this - yep, I was on his list. It makes me sick that I was never told about this, and that they let him continue going to the school, instead of expelling him. I have no idea why he wasn't expelled.
- mskon32
Plot Twist
So I have this kid, moved from another country two years ago and I got him this year. Was warned that he was difficult. We hit it off quite well, he is difficult and loud, but manageable. Out of a sudden he wants to talk to me alone, and starts crying the moment we are alone. He starts to tell me his life story - from being neglected by his stepfather, who is abusive towards him, and that social services were already involved, so they moved and so on.
But he didn't want me to do anything in case it got worse. I got in touch with the psych team and my boss, and we were discussing how to move forward. We decided to talk to the parents first to get a feel for the situation, so I invited them for a talk and WOW. The mother was nearly burned out, the step dad started crying because apparently their son was tyrannical and making their lives a living hell.
I was not expecting this.
Child Protective Services and psych professionals were already involved. His whole story is made up. It is a messy situation. The baggage the boy carries is immense, and yet, I have seen how aggressive he gets when things don't go his way.
I also learned that what he told me "in private" is something he basically tells everyone he meets, and people believe him so his parents are quite shunned in this small town they moved to. Never seen anything like it. He has a psych eval scheduled and his parents are eligible to get a home assistant, so we'll hope it helps.
- asteigh
That Calm Look
GiphyI worked in our "Exceptional Children's" department for 8 years. During that time, I was the only male in our department and we had some kids with issues that needed constant supervision. One of these kids, I'll call him John, was a really special case. He was a fifth grader at the time. He lived at home with his mom and dad who was one of these work from home auto mechanics. They seemed like decent enough people, but they had no ability to deal with John's behaviors.
Anyway, John was not good in class, so my job was to sit with him and make sure he did his best. We kind of got to be friends. He liked having an adult around. But he was also way behind in school because of how much time he'd missed, both from his parents not sending him and for the times when he'd been suspended. So trying to get him to pay attention in class was a challenge. I kept up with his work, and spent extra time trying to help him figure stuff out. Once he got a concept, he would be very happy and I worked it with my superiors that good work and good behavior got him 10 extra minutes outside, which he loved. It was the only non-food incentive I could work up for him. When he was happy, he did his work as best as possible. But he also got frustrated, especially when his teacher would assign a lot of pages of practice work. He had to do it too, and he hated it and I could just see him quivering for some way to get out of the work. Secretly, at that point, since I knew that forcing him to do work was going to cause an issue (it always did) I wondered why they didn't just let him sit in class and doodle so he would stay calm.)
One day, we were sitting in a small group, and a few of his classmates were hanging with him, trying to help him. It was really nice, because the kids really wanted him to do well. I remember thinking to myself this is usually when the bottom falls out. I was right. John got up and went to sharpen his pencil. He was over there for a while trying to get a good point on it. That's what happens, you know. It was 2 p.m. and it was a Friday, so I was really hoping that he'd keep up the behavior until the buses came. Make a good close to the week.
He came back to his seat, wrote something on his paper, and then in one move, he grabbed the little girl beside him on his right by the back of her head, hair and all and yanked it back. The rest happened in the slowest possible motion.
John took the pencil in his left hand like a dagger... He was going to put the pencil into this girl's eye. It was the most reasonable target, he later said. I reached over and grabbed the hand with the pencil and bent it back and away, forcing him to drop it. I applied pressure to the nerve above his elbow of the right hand he was holding the girl by the hair with and he let go. I got him to the floor in what we had been trained to do as a "therapeutic" hold. The teacher meanwhile ran to get help. Students ran to one side of the room, well away from us. One boy took the pencil and dashed the point against the wall. I'll never forget that part as long as I live.
So, there I am and John is as limp as a boned fish (pardon the cliche') and he's as calm as can be. He looks up at me from this position and says, "I was bored and wanted to see what would happen if I stabbed her in the eye. I was just wondering. That's all. That's all!"
He really didn't seem to get what the big deal was.
So, the police came. The girl's parents were notified, John's parents were notified, the principal gathers us and we all go to the conference room and the whole thing is rehashed. The teacher of the class explained everything. I explained my part. When they asked John, in front of his parents, he told us all the same thing he told me. He didn't get what the problem was. I saw abject horror on his mother's face, then. His father's face was something else. At that point I thought it was recognition or familiarity, as though this wasn't something new for John (or the father), but now I think I saw something like dark pride, there. But memories don't hold their detail and I may have added that later.
John was suspended and the parents of the girl pressed charges. After the suspension, he was allowed back, but he had to be in a room away from all students. The judge (when the event finally came before the courts) ruled John was just a misbehaved kid and gave him a stern lecture and some community service and probation. A few months later, school was out for the summer and I think that he wound up being "home schooled" which in his parent's speak meant left to his own devices.
Several years later, and well away from that foray into childhood violence, John showed up on the front page of our local paper. He was 21, now and had gotten into trouble a bunch in the intervening years, but the worst was indecent liberties with a minor, aggravated assault, assault and battery, and a few other things, all one situation, apparently. The photo in the paper, his mugshot, was the same face he had as he calmly explained to me that he had just been bored and wanted to see what would happen. The same calm, even face of a person who was definitely not in touch with the fact that other people have feelings. Worst part was that aside from his behavior was likable.
This is awful, but I knew then, and I know better now, that this was a sociopath/psychopath in the making and I was there for his first adventure into human harm. He's a human, of course, and was a 12 year old, then, but it seemed pretty obvious that he would wind up hurting someone else.
That's the worse part for me, even now. I knew (and so did my coworkers) all too well that he would soon enough get bored again and try to hurt another child. I was there when it counted, once, but I wouldn't be the next time. And I knew very well that would always be a next time with John.
He wound up getting 8 years in the local prison. I later heard from an old colleague more of his back story.
His mom killed herself, left a long note about how she didn't have the will to live having brought such a nightmare child into the world. His father wound up having a bunch of floozies over all the time and got into selling meth (not a big surprise) they felt pretty sure that John got to see all kinds of fun stuff. The house burned down and he went to live with an uncle. Anyway, in the long run, he'd gotten into trouble, a few pets killed, a few fights with neighbors, one assault and wound up in juvie.
I'm no longer a teacher, though I do visit schools in a professional capacity for my current career. I will say this, however, I was attacked personally four times, had to stop violence countless times and dealt with all kinds of angry and frustrated behavior from kids in elementary schools. These were rarely kids from adjusted and caring homes. Even poor kids from broken homes had issues with behavior occasionally. But the kind of systemic, brutal behavior from some of the children I knew or worked with was a direct result of homes that were likely to cause toxic stress. It's difficult to characterize just how serious this problem is for some students. It's not a happy thought, but it is happening.
I had PTSD for several years after all this (and other things I dealt with-including teacher abuse) and I admire and respect teachers that have to leave because they cannot take it anymore. I couldn't and I got out when I could.
I have even more respect for teachers who can stay in and make a difference day in and out.
- davebare
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
It's a teacher's job to leave a lasting impression and set a good example for their students.
With this in mind, particularly in this age of viral videos and social media, teachers have to be very careful of what they say during class hours.
Even so, there are very few teachers who haven't said something they've regretted when teaching a class.
Sometimes to control unruly students, other times when they've simply had enough.
Then too, sometimes teachers leave their students baffled and perplexed by what they say in their classroom, well aware of what they were saying.
Always making for a memorable story.
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
Wait what?!
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattz
get out GIFGiphyIt's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswers
of montreal dancing GIF by Polyvinyl RecordsGiphyEveryone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
Well, Then...
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
Sad Premonitions
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
People Who've Had A Serious Illness Describe The Exact Moment They Knew Something Was Really Wrong
As a kid, I never raised alarm bells even when I started to feel sick. My mom got stressed easily and was busy taking care of my younger brother, so I never wanted to be a burden by making her take me to the doctor only to find out nothing was wrong.
However, in fifth grade, my ears started to hurt and I knew something was wrong. I told my mom, she took me to the doctor, and I found out I had an ear infection.
Now, an ear infection isn't serious at all, and it was easily treatable. Still, I learned something from that experience: no one knows your body better than you. You know if and when you're sick and how serious it is, even if you don't now exactly what is wrong.
Redditors can corroborate this. Many of them have experienced symptoms that told them they were sick in some way -- usually with a very serious illness -- and are ready to share those experiences.
It all started when Redditor thelearner18 asked:
"People who have had a serious disease (cancer, MS, organ failure, etc) when did you realize something was really wrong?"
A Lesson Learned
"Hust found out i have rectal cancer. 42 yrs old. multiple stools per day, not fully emptying, thin poop. so got a colonoscopy. bam! cancer. starting chemo next week. lesson learned for everyone....if your stools or stool schedule changes, go see a doctor"
– shawngee03
A Lucky Break
"I had been having a lot of pain in my midsection, and all around my torso for several weeks. I went to the doctor and it was dismissed as gynecological cramping (menopausal?). It remained. After several weeks (6-8) I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to emergency in the middle of the night. I got a CT scan that showed a large kidney stone. They also found a mass on my ovary. The kidney stone lead them to finding a rare ovarian cancer. If not for that stone, I wouldn’t have known about the cancer and might not have caught it in time. I have been in remission since September 2021."
– peachsqueeze66
Cause For Concern
"My kid, who was 14 at the time, kept throwing up in the morning and having weird headaches. Her doctor thought it was migraines. She went back a couple of times, but the doctor was not concerned. Then one day she complained of a whooshing noise in her ear. Went to the children’s hospital and found out it was a brain tumor near her cerabellum. She was in ICU for a month, but turned out it was non cancerous and it never grew back. She is doing great now."
– Evilelfqueen
"I heard a whooshing noise in my ear a few years ago I only really heard it at night when it was quiet it would sometimes switch ears now I basically never hear it. I'm pretty sure it was just pulsatile tinnitus but still scary."
– fallen-summer
It Was The Salt
"I have Cystic Fibrosis (terminal lung disease) and it was found out when I didn't sh*t for 3 days after I was born and then my mother gave me a kiss and said I tasted REALLY salty."
"Now I'm on a gene modification drug called Trikafta and this is some serious witch craft a** sh*t because I no longer feel sick to death and I basically feel like a normal person. It's f*cking wild!
"Went from 19% lung function to 87% in 3 months. I no longer cough my a** off or feel like I'm suffocating from mucus. Go science!"
– Sudden_Blueberry_477
A Funky Optic Nerve
"I was diagnosed with MS when I was 22 after having blurred vision in one eye after a ski trip. I went to the optometrist and they said I had a dry eye probably from not wearing goggles while snow boarding. So they gave me steroid drops. After a week it kept getting worse, so I went back and they told me my eye looked much better so they did a field of view test, which showed I couldn’t see anything out of the lower half of one eye. They sent me straight to the emergency room since nothing was wrong physically wrong with my eye. They did some tests and I was diagnosed with MS and ended up going completely blind in one eye. My vision eventually came back and I got on medication within a month so haven’t really had any symptoms or issues since thankfully. I’m only 29 now though."
– johnjohn9312
Caught It In Time
"This isn't me, but this happened to my best friend VERY recently. Like in the last couple of months."
"Was perfectly fine and healthy one day. Then the next he started feeling a little bit of pain in his kidney. He'd had kidney stones before, so he figured it was that again. Then he started peeing blood. He thought it was still part of the kidney stone thing so let it go for a couple days, but he was still peeing blood and the pain was getting worse."
"That's when he decided to go to the doctor. They did an X-ray and found a mass in his kidney and told him that based on where it was located they can't remove the mass, and they can't do a partial kidney removal, and it's about a 90% chance it's cancerous, but they wouldn't be able to do a biopsy without removing the kidney first. They did the whole insurance dance, but it went fast and within two weeks he was in surgery having his kidney removed."
"He's still recovering at home right now, but they got the biopsy results last week. It was indeed cancerous, but they caught it before it spread."
– SweetCosmicPope
Happily Ever After
"I couldn’t walk anymore with my crutch I had been using to get by. Had Been on Percocet for 8 months because of the extreme pain. Nobody was finding answers to my pain but I knew something was wrong, badly. After finally having an ultra sound on my hips at the age of 26 I found out I had to undergo a double hip replacement to walk again due to a serious rare disease. I was stage 4 Avascular Nercrosis. Took a year to recover from both. But Happier ending, I’m doing good now. However it was very very upsetting news to get over a phone call at 26."
– heartpathetic
It Really Sneaks Around
"My wife started getting numbness in her right arm. The breast cancer had spread to her right shoulder and the tumor was crushing the nerves. She has stage four breast cancer in her bones."
– zenos_dog
A Turn For The Worse
"For me, it started May 14, 2014. I went to work and was having a good morning. Then, at about 9:00 in the morning or so, I started to feel some lower abdominal pain. Not to be crude, but it felt like that cramp you get when you really need to go to the bathroom. I did so, but the pain didn't go away. It got worse. I started to feel chills, was sweating, and felt nauseated. My employer has a clinic on site, so I went there. After some poking and prodding, the nurse asked me if I wanted to go home or if I wanted to go to the emergency room. I decided to go home, and if the pain didn't subside, then I'd go to the emergency room. As I was saying that, though, I noticed that my pain had gotten a LOT worse. They always make you rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt. When I went into the clinic, I was mostly uncomfortable, maybe a high 2 going into a 3. On that very subjective scale, I was now a 6 or a 7."
"I changed my mind and decided to go straight to the nearest emergency room. My boss drove me, and by the time we got there about 15 minutes later, I was now a 10. This was the worst pain I'd ever felt. My previous definition of the worst pain I'd ever felt was when I broke 7 bones in my wrist, it was misdiagnosed as a sprain, and I had to have them rebroken 2 weeks later. The pain in my abdomen was now worse than that. The emergency room admitted me and put me in a wheelchair. They wheeled me to a room, I curled up on the bed they put me in, and passed out."
"At some point, a nurse came in and gave me some morphine. Great stuff. No pain at all anymore. A doctor came in and told me they suspected a kidney stone. He wanted me to get a CT scan to confirm it, and I agreed. An orderly wheeled me off to imaging. I got scanned without contrast and was wheeled back to the room. My wife had arrived while I was getting scanned. Shortly later, the doctor who told me he thought it was a kidney stone came into the room. With another doctor. And two nurses. They all crowd around me with solemn looks on their faces."
"The first doctor told me it was a kidney stone. A 2 to 3 mm kidney stone had been lodged in the ureter of my left kidney. That's the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder. It passed into my bladder when they gave me the morphine, but they could see evidence of it on the CT scan. Then the other doctor said they were more concerned about the 6 cm mass they found on my right kidney. They had my attention."
"They did another CT scan, with contrast this time, and it was impossible to see anything but a tumor in the pictures they showed me. They made an appointment for me with a urologist for the next day, as well as an appointment in a few days time to get it biopsied. It was an after-hours appointment for the urologist, but he was nice enough to stay late to see me. He looked at the CT Scans and cancelled my appointment to get it biopsied. He said there was nothing else it could be but cancer, and the kidney would have to go."
"Two months later, I had the kidney and the tumor removed laparoscopically. I was incredibly lucky. They caught it in stage 1. The doctor said there were signs it was going to start moving soon. I have no idea how doctors can look at a softball sized lump of cancer and tell anything other than 'gross', but that's why they're the doctors and I'm not."
"My recovery was smooth, and I've been cancer-free for 9 years. I was incredibly blessed. I didn't have to deal with chemo, or radiation. While those can save your life, they are also horrible experiences with nasty side effects. I didn't have to deal with any of them. I was bracing myself to have to. They said it was a possibility. But I didn't. I have every respect for those not as fortunate as me, and wish them all the best in recovery."
– mnementh9999
Reason #5,622 To Start Exercising
"I started jogging again to try and get back into running shape. I kept noticing that just after a mile or so, I'd stop and get REALLY lightheaded. Kept thinking, "oh, I'm really out of shape" and kept going. Went in a few weeks later for my annual physical and doctor said "you ever been told you have a heart murmur?", no. Two months later I spent Christmas of 2017 in the ICU after having a section of my aorta cut out and a new valve put in. Surgeon said it was bad. Said it wouldn't have made it too much longer."
"Edit: for clarification, it was an aortic dissection."
– Itsawlinthereflexes
Slow And Steady
"My dad's friend went on a hike with a doctor who knew him and he was winded not far from the car. The doctor clocked it right away and told him to get his heart checked. He had 98% blockage in his heart arteries."
"He tells my dad so my dad gets the test to see how his arteries are doing and they found a massive aneurism on his aorta. He is getting it removed tomorrow. He had no symptoms but the doctors said if he had overdone it he would be dead before anyone would even know what was going on. Crazy how a random friend's hike may have saved his life."
– Pencilowner
It Takes A Village
"I never did, my teacher and parents did."
"I was seven, usually an active kid and my first grade teacher noticed that rather than running around at recess I sat down and took a nap. It happened a couple more times and after I fell asleep in class (totally out of character), she gave my parents a call, we had been visiting the doc fairly regularly cause I was also complaining of joint pain and frequent ear infections combined with the new symptoms and a new doc at the practice I was finally diagnosed with leukemia."
– greenmachine11235
Thank goodness for that teacher (and of course, the parents)!
When in the beginning stages of dating, it's important to know as much as humanly possible.
The element of surprise is no longer a fun aspect of romance.
Ask the small questions. Ask the hard questions.
Interrogate. Grill. Investigate.
Of course, you should do it with a subtle hand instead of an interrogation lamp.
The truth is all we have.
Ask everything.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I Do
Shocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy"Are you married?"
wrenchmonkey135
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
Squibit314
We Lived!
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
dont_u_know
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
jmims98
Family Planning
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
GoodAlicia
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
GoodAlicia
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
GoodAlicia
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
HumpieDouglas
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Nayeliq1
Room Temperature
Frosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
OneFingerIn
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
djdante
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
Discovery
Blown Away Wow GIF by AminéGiphy"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
youcantkillanidea
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
LivestockMarc
Personal Time
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
Githard
Past Issues
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
CantTakeMeSeriously
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
phiore
Values
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
SkullKrusher9000
Essentials
Tell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
KhaosElement
TRUTH PLEASE!!
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
extracensorypower
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
As much as we always hop for our dating efforts to be worth it and for every relationship to work out, we all know that some relationships are not destined to work out.
But sometimes relationships end for totally valid reasons, and sometimes the reasons are painful, if not devastating.
Redditor overIorded asked:
"What went wrong with your last partner?"
History Repeating Itself
"He cheated on me. And I was glad because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave."
"Now I know somebody who's in the same situation. They're trapped. And she's such a gentle and fun person who's afraid to leave him because 'well, it's always been like this, I'm used to it,' and 'I deserve it.'"
"She wants to leave him, she knows she should leave him, but it's so hard to do it, and I know that feeling."
"I'm thinking I should give her my phone number like when the day comes you've had enough, I'll gladly come to help you move out from that s**thole."
- NmlsFool
Mental Health Struggles
"I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now."
- Last-Celery7146
"I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and mildly said, it absolutely ruined me. Her trauma and mental problems were BAD, but I still wanted to be with them. So if you ask me, as long as they can give you the space and support you need, and want to be with you, let them make the decision."
- emilersen
"It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now."
"I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now."
"I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and someday, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner."
- SpoonAtKnifeFight
Relationship Styles
"We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t."
- Altrano
At Least There's That
"Her psychotic brother tried to kill me. Thankfully he has a Stormtrooper's aim..."
- Active-Plate7939
"Hate the attempted murder, love the 'Star Wars' reference."
- letmetellyousom
Childfree Living
"He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all-natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant."
"I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, and at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable."
"Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best."
- Free-Government5162
Family Ties
"She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family and was trying to find ways to sabotage it."
- Cobra-Serpentress
"Similar aspect to mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. She would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up."
- letmetellyousom
Quality Time
"My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me."
"He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple."
"He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago."
- dallasmysterylover
Distracted with a Punch
"A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on, and he sucker-punched me in the face."
- Brilliant-Victory128
Projecting Insecurities
"He cheated on me for all six years we were together and then accused me of cheating on him, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house."
"I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner."
- Affectionate_Egg1252
Children Come First
"He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues, and probably has other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship, but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him, I had to leave."
- rintan13
Poor Communication
"I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything."
- aj_oof0323
"Oh look, it's the last 14 years of my life..."
- empathetic111
"I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later."
Deserving Better
"I started drinking again and became a miserable a**hole due to my own depression and my s**tty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my s**tty mood all the time... so she left. I don't blame her."
"So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back, but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone."
"And to my ex: You'll find someone again... someone better."
- cracksintheegg
Big Moves
"He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was 'friends' with before me."
- dont_be_trash
Alzheimer's Disease
"My ex's early-onset Alzheimers (at the age of 50) and the resulting violence, paranoia, and irrational thinking. I tried to honor my vows, but he was so far out there, I feared for my life."
- No_Transportation258
Different Definitions of Marriage
"She cheated on me after five years total together, the last one of which was while we were engaged. She cheated on me for months, all while I was planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future."
"I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care."
- Mountaingoat1001
This conversation just goes to show that relationships can end for all kinds of reasons. Even in relationships where there is still a lot of love and committment, the relationship can still end, just like how the relationship can end suddenly because of a surprising and devastating realization.