Cheating Husband Drains Joint Accounts And Wants To Kick Wife and Kids Out Of House, And The Internet Can't Even
Some people are just rotten, and that's no exception for this man who is putting his family through h***. He is pulling all the sleazy stops and no one can believe it!
u/brokenandconfused8 tells us My husband drained our accounts and wants to kick the kids and I out of the house in a week.
This is how it all went down:
HI- they told me in r/relationships that this is illegal, and that you guys would have advice. We're in Ohio. I need a divorce lawyer. On Wednesday, I bought him a f******* Christmas present. On Thursday, I found out he gave me a STI. On Friday, he admitted he's been cheating. Yesterday, he drained our accounts. He says I need to be out of the house by Christmas Eve.
We have four kids, 8, 6, 5 and 2. I haven't worked since the oldest was born. Our relationship has been bad since before my youngest daughter was born - we hadn't meant to get pregnant. This week, I tested positive for an STI.
I investigated, confronted him and he admitted it. We had a huge fight, he stormed out of the house. Yesterday, my credit card was declined at the grocery store, and I couldn't get cash. He has EMPTIED all of our accounts. I was in charge of the bills and finances; I know exactly how much was in our checking, savings and money market account. He's changed his password for his 401(k). He didn't respond to my frantic texts all day, but just sent me an email saying I had a week to get myself and "my kids" out of "his house", and I had better get a job or go "back to my parents" if I expect to feed them. We bought the house together, before the kids were born and I paid half of the down payment. I have no money or credit cards, so I can't even get a lawyer. I am sitting here staring at a Christmas tree, crying and wondering if I'll have to return my children's presents for food.
I have no idea how this happened. I live two hours away from my family, so even if I got a job, I'd have to pay for day care. Should I sell my wedding and engagement rings? Do I make a resume and apply for a job in my old field (accounting) or just get a job at Starbucks or McDonald's? Can he do this?
He simply can't
GiphyDo not move out until your attorney tells you to or a judge orders you out. That house is likely as much yours as it is his, and, if so, he cannot evict you for any reason.
Some important things to cover!
Sorry to hear your SO is doing this, couple of non-financial things to consider:
- change your passwords to your email / private / and social media accounts
- change security questions to your email / private / and social media accounts
- back up your text messages / contacts / pictures from your phone now, in the event SO turns off phone / locks you out of account, disables phone
- consider changing passwords to any child accounts you have ( Facebook, Imgur, etc...)
- I personally recommend taking inventory of household items (pictures and upload to gdrive or Dropbox), in the event they do something stupid like donate everything to homeless shelter. When you have to determine replacement value, you can say: 52 inch Vizio Tv instead of big screen tv
- items that are of sentimental value (like family bible or what not) store offsite if you can
- if you have neighbors who you are friendly with, ask them to keep an eye out on things at the house. Call you if you run to the store and SO shows up and changes locks real quick. Also make sure they have your family friends contact info and under what scenarios you'd like they to call on your behalf
- Always keep your personal identification on you (SSN, birth certificate, ID, passport, etc...), don't let them hijack your identity
- NEVER EVER EVER sign any document without it being reviewed by a lawyer first
- as hard as it maybe, try not to bad mouth your SO, discuss situation openly in front of kids.
as far as getting back into the workplace, some local library systems have online learning access that can help give you a last minute boost to your resume (word, excel, power point online courses)
His timing makes fighting back difficult
The good news: In most every state (if not all) what he's doing is against state statute.
First things first
You need to get an attorney. I'm sure there is some kind of program to help women in your situation. If not, then there is some attorney out there who will be able to help you.
I highly recommend you file for divorce promptly and get temporary orders for child support, maintenance (alimony), temporary payment of the bills (mortgage, utilities, credit cards, etc), and temporary possession of the marital residence started asap.
The odds are against him
GiphyHe can't just kick you out. But if you leave you may give up some rights to the house. Also the court will not like him draining the account.
Go to an attorney tomorrow. Borrow money if you have to.
Cover all your bases
OP I hope you already have, But also be sure to change all of your email / social media passwords and back up your texts. You need to be able to save every form of communication that he sends you.
Think about the kids
Reach out to the schools your kids go to as well in regards to food payment. See if you can temporarily get them on a low income food plan so they do not go hungry if you cannot refill their accounts
Credit card to the rescue
In the short term, you absolutely do not have to leave; and will eventually get access to the money that was in the joint accounts and likely an equal split to the equity in the house. In the very short term; I would recommend getting a credit card in your name alone or asking for help from your parent (putting it into a new account that is only in your name at a totally new bank) to tide you over until your court hearing. The court can also order temporary alimony to help you pay legal costs.
Look at the details
GiphyDefine bought the house together. Are you both on the mortgage, or are you both on the deed to the home?
Unfortunately with a joint account, you both have equal access to the money within it.
Back it all up!
If I were you, I'd take screenshots of literally everything and back them up in at least three different locations, your computer's hard drive in a password protected folder, on some cloud-based service like Onedrive (it's free), and a USB flash drive that never leaves your person. If he deletes it off of your computer AND the cloud-based service, you still have the flash drive.
The mom had an update for us
Let's find out how she put everyone's advice into action:
"First, I want to say that I logged out of this account that evening, and didn't come back until now, and I was BLOWN AWAY by all of the people offering food, gift certificates, or just good will, and I started crying.. again. I will respond to each of you individually.
So, to recap: My STBX is a cheating ass, and he panicked and tried to erase his family.
The update: This all happened on a Sunday, so there wasn't a lot I could do right then. I put the kids to bed, and called my mom and cried. Then, I called my mother in law, who was horrified.
My inlaws came over that night with $200 in cash and a check for much more. My father in law is didn't say much, but he did fix my bathroom door (which is how he shows affection), and muttered that he would "fix this".
I opened a new checking account at a new bank (THANKS FOR THIS ADVICE) with the check my in laws gave me.
I opened a new credit card in my name.
My mother deployed a niece to help with childcare for the next week, I called in a lot of childminding favors, and with the cash my inlaws gave me, I was able to pay the babysitter while I worked this out.
I met with two divorce attorneys- both of them told me about what you had said, that he was legally screwed. I chose one, and we set the process in motion to get an emergency hearing, but by Tuesday, my old checking account had most of the money back, and my husband was asking to "talk".
On the advice of my lawyer, I took half of the checking account money and put it in my new bank, and kept records of everything.
I pulled our credit reports- He has over $40,000 in credit card debt. I also found out, that he received a raise last year, and funneled this money out of our shared accounts. I would have figured this out when I did our taxes, and this led to him panicking and trying to "erase" us.
Keep in mind, this asshole gave me gonorrhea. I am an accountant by trade, and I'm afraid of CC debt the way some girls are afraid of spiders, so I was horrified about this, but my lawyer thinks it's likely that he'll have to have this debt on his own, as my name isn't on it, and it seems that most of it was spent on his side piece.
We have started mediation, which he agreed to when he realized that he would need to pay for BOTH of our divorce attnys.
My goal- which my lawyer thinks is reasonable, is to ask for alimony until I either re-marry (not likely) or my 2 year old is in school full time, and to have a reasonable amount of child support until she's 18, and then we'll split college costs for all of them. When all the kids are in school, I can concentrate on getting back to work.
I also plan to sell the house and buy a smaller house in a less elite section of town. The kids can share rooms, and I can live mortgage free.
So, I'm heartbroken, and diseased, but there's also an incredible weight that his lifted from me. Our marriage has been bad for so long, and I didn't even realize how unhappy I was, and how.. absent by husband was. It took my 5 year old almost a week to realize that Daddy was gone."
Be ready
Save all your text messages. Print them out, give a copy to your attorney, a copy to a trust family member or friend, and keep a copy. Communicate only via text or email if you can help it until you get a lawyer. (Get a lawyer asap on retainer)
Reaching out for help won't be a bad thing. Also, secure any and all documents supporting you co-owning and buying the house.
Put your best fighting foot forward
Giphydon't leave, seek legal help even if you can't afford it, fight tooth and nail for you and your kids' rights to the money you've earned together.
Cover all your bases
Save everything that he has sent you via text or email about taking your kids and getting out. See if your state requires both parties to consent to phone conversations, if they don't and only require unilateral consent, tape any conversations you may have.
You will eventually have to get a job (in most states, I haven't seen what state you live in). Look at your resume and maybe reach out to some friends that are also professionals to review it for you.
Don't sell anything yet, you need Temporary Orders where the Court will tell you what to do. You probably can open up a checking account in your name only, so if you have cash in the house you can deposit it there. I may think about getting all vital and important documents and giving them to a close friend for safekeeping.
Karma is not nice
that dude is so effed, bet he looses the house and has to pay enough child support to cover the mortgage.
Question his mental stability
it may be wise to limit his alone time with your children completely, or at least as much as possible. There have been a number of cases recently of parents killing their children to spite the other parent, and given the level of spite he's already demonstrated, I wouldn't rule anything out.
Given, it's thankfully an extremely rare outcome, and it's most likely just me being paranoid, but I urge preemptive caution all the same. There's no reason to let it be a possibility, and his mental health doesn't sound especially stable.
People Divulge The Songs They Sang In Childhood They Didn't Know Were Inappropriate
Reddit user Ok_Way_2341 asked: 'As a child, what’s a song you sang loud and proud, only to find as an adult it’s super inappropriate for a child to be singing?'
Back before we became self-conscious adults many of us sang our hearts out. But we weren't all singing the greatest hits of Barnie or Disney.
Probably more than a few of us belted out what we heard on the car radio, home stereo or streaming music services our parents or older siblings listened to.
Which led more than a few of us to expand our vocabulary beyond our years.
Reddit user Ok_Way_2341 asked:
"As a child, what’s a song you sang loud and proud, only to find as an adult it’s super inappropriate for a child to be singing?"
His Purple Majesty 👑
"'Gett Off' by Prince. My mother heard me sing '21 positions in a one night stand' and took the disc off me."
"It unfortunately belonged to my older sister."
"Got punished twice in one week."
"I still love that song."
- Cherrianje
Giphy"I was very very very old before I realized what 'Little Red Corvette' was about. Like mid-century old."
- Street_Roof_7915
"She had a pocket full of horses..."
- heatherbyism
"Trojan and some of them used…"
- Ferraenz
"I guess I should've closed my eyes, When you drove me to the place where your horses run free, 'Cause I felt a little ill when I saw all the pictures, Of the jockeys that were there before me."
- heatherbyism
"That line was so confusing to me as a kid."
"Toy plastic horses, maybe?"
- absentbusiness
GiphyMaybe not on that car ride.
"In the car, riding shotgun with my dad driving… 'I’ll make love to you, like you want me tooooo' - Boyz II Men."
- ADrunkenBotanist
"That’s in that weird intersection of 90s R&B that was tender and not necessarily nasty, but still definitely about sex.
"And sometimes, the songs were nasty, but if they were smooth, you could get away with it. 'Freek’n You' by Jodeci and 'Too Close' by Next come to mind."
- bearded_dragon_34
Who was it?
"'It Wasn't Me' by Shaggy"
- AnimeTattooChick1836
"My classmate told me when she was younger she thought it went 'we were both butt-naked, banging on the bathroom door'."
"Seems a little strange that she didn't question the fact that they were naked, but yeah."
- No_Location854
"Oh no, I still thought it was floor."
"But for some reason my innocent little brain legit imagined just two naked people on their knees banging their fists on the actual floor."
"Ahhh simpler times."
- mikehawksux
GiphyMmmm... candy.
"The particular song that mentions 'I'll take you to the candy shop and let you lick my lollipop' left me completely unaware of its underlying meaning back then, as I blissfully enjoyed its melody."
- dimarikl
"That song is 'Candy Shop' by 50 Cent."
- Zcoombs4
We blame Austin Powers.
"'I Touch Myself' by Divinyls"
“I don’t want anybody else. When I think about you I touch myself.”
- Sorry_Rhubarb_7068
"I still remember the day my early 20’s self figured it out, that holy crap! moment."
- MyOldGurpsNameKira
"I figured it out when I was 14."
"To be fair, that’s a major hobby of pretty well all 14-year-old kids."
- dagbrown
Giphy"I forget what year that song came out, but I think I was around 15 when it did. (so about 1990, I guess?) I remember getting what it was about, but thinking I had to be wrong because it'd be 'illegal' for someone to release a song like that, so it must be about something else and I'm just too dumb to understand what it's really about."
"I had this weird idea as a kid that I was only one of the people on the planet who knew what sex was, so I assumed almost everything sexual related was an accident (as in, they didn't mean to make it sound like it's about sex) and it was actually about something else and I was too dumb to understand the true meaning."
"I actually made up a number once of people who knew what sex was and that number was 7. I thought myself + 6 other people on the entire planet knew what sex was."
"I honest to God thought this, by the way. I never stopped and wondered where all these kids came from if only 7 people knew what sex was."
- temalyen
Mini Monster
"My 11 year-old, completely innocent niece: 'let's have some fun, this beat is sick, I wanna take a ride on your disco stick' [from 'Love Game' by Lady Gaga]."
"Me: 'Let's play a different song'."
- 314159265358979326
"Skyrockets in flight" wasn't about NASA?
"Apparently 'Afternoon Delight' [by Starland Vocal Band] wasn’t about getting out of school."
"I did not know that."
- HuellMissMe
Giphy"My mum told me it meant having cake in the afternoon, which made perfect sense to me because that IS delightful."
- HelpfulName
"My aunt told us 'Afternoon Delight' was about going to get ice cream. 🙃"
- Truecrimeauthor
"I thought it was about a picnic!"
- MoonLoony
"I thought it was about a picnic too!"
"In 3rd grade we were each allowed to bring in our favorite record and play it for the class."
"That’s the one I brought."
- _ThisIsOurLifeNow_
GiphyIgnorance is bliss.
"My friend's daughter used to loudly sing Katy Perry 'Peacock'."
"Literally Everyone: 'Ummm...'."
"Friend: 'It's a song about a bird, and you will not say otherwise'."
- domestic_omnom
Got milk?
"'My Humps' - Black Eyed Peas"
"Apparently they were not just talking about milk and Cocoa Puffs."
- happygolucky226
"No, that's that 'Milkshake' song [by Kelis]."
"She makes really good milkshakes, right?"
- CatOfGrey
Giphy"My cousin (4 at the time) loved singing the 'Milkshake' song."
"Then she and her sister were gently told not to sing it so they moved onto 'My Humps'!"
"I couldn’t bear hearing about lovely lady lumps, so I tried to find another song more appropriate."
"They settled on another Peas one 'Shut Up!'."
"Slightly more tolerable I guess, but there was no telling the girls to shut up because they’d just start repeating it back in song at you."
- 3rdslip
GiphyBut Uncle Luke was so subtle...
"'Me So Horny' by 2 Live Crew."
"My Dad once said 'It’s your mom’s favorite song'."
"Thanks Dad."
- Geriatric_Sloth
"When I was a kid, my little brother came into the room singing [from 'We Want Some P***y' by 2 Live Crew] 'Just nibble on my d*ck like a rat does cheese'."
"My mom in outrage said, 'what did you say!'"
"He calmly looked at her and spoke confidently, 'All I said was just nibble on my d*ck like a rat does cheese'."
"He was like 4 or 5 years old, that tape [Is What We Are by 2 Live Crew] was confiscated immediately."
- Tweedbreak
Uncle Luke of 2 Live Crew
GiphyAnd now for something completely different...
"In about 3rd or 4th grade I came home from playing at a friends house…said friend had been singing some weird song that got stuck in my head."
"So I stroll in and take my seat at the dinner table and start singing as loud as I can: 'Sit on my face and tell me that you love me! I’ll sit on your face and tell you that I love you too!!'…my parents damn near choked."
"They couldn’t stop laughing and then told me never ever to sing that again. Luckily they were huge Monty Python fans…nothing I knew about at the time."
- roygbiv_87
*WARNING: NSFW*
Ah, to be young and innocent again.
Did you learn anything new about what a song really means?
Or did you sing something as a child that didn't make the list?
Share your story in the comments.
TRIGGER WARNING:This article contains sensitive content about death and injury.
Sometimes, on a completely uneventful day, while someone is doing something they've always done, something goes terribly wrong. An accident occurs.
Sometimes, the person is lucky enough to make it. Other times, they are not.
These are total freak accidents -- harmful incidents that occur under unusual and unlikely circumstances.
I don't have any experience with this myself, but Redditors do. They are now sharing the stories of how people they knew died in freak accidents.
It all started when Redditor RawAsparagus asked:
"People who knew someone who died in a freak accident, what happened?"
A Nasty Death
"I used to work for a septic company. A guy who drove one of the big septic trucks that sucked out underground septic tanks at people's houses had to get on his hands and knees and reach into the tank because the lid had fallen in. He lost his balance and fell head first in. His shoulders got wedged in the opening and he drowned upside down in human waste. I don't think I've ever heard of a worse way to go. The homeowner found him after about an hour."
– Claytrain1989
Neck Injuries Are No Joke
"A family friend bumped his head, walked about 15 feet across his back yard, sat at his picnic table and died."
"Autopsy showed no head trauma, but he broke his neck when he hit his head. They figured the walk across the yard caused something to shift enough to do fatal damage to his spinal cord."
– Blundell1992
"My sister came so close to dying in a somewhat similar way. She was in a car accident and was pulled out of the wreckage by some friends. She was guided to some grass by the side of the road to sit and wait for the ambulance. She apparently kept saying her neck was really sore & was asking people to help her “pop” it. Thankfully, her friends were smart enough to encourage her to leave it alone. She gets to the hospital & some yahoo either doesn’t read the x-ray or reads it wrong & agrees that her neck is just sprained or something & wants to send her home. Somehow, someway, they ended up transferring her to another hospital before that happened who discovered her badly broken neck which required surgery to fix and left her with permanent nerve damage. I have NO IDEA how she didn’t end up paralyzed or dead. She has the stupidest luck where the most random bad things will happen to her but she turns out fine in the end lol"
– Aggravating-Jaguar96
Poor Guy
"A guy I knew was setting up a rope swing over a lake for his kids and their friends, which he had done many times before. He always would take a practice swing himself before he would let the kids go. His hands slipped off the rope and he fell before he was over the lake. He hit his head on a rock and died in front of the kids."
– highvolt132
Why I'm Scared Of Animals
"Former co-worker of mine was gored by a bison while on a trail run. Ironically, he often posted on message boards for the park to be aware of wild animals while there, and in one post he said there are too many people with headphones on, or trying to get too close to the bison to take selfies. He was normally very careful apparently."
– doctor-rumack
Before Life Even Started
"Lovely girl I went to HS with got a scholarship to a prestigious university, being one of the very few students from my sh*tty school to make it to college or uni. Two weeks into term her room mate found her laying in her bed dead. The heating boiler was faulty and she'd died of carbon monoxide poisoning in her sleep. We'd even thrown a party for her to celebrate her achievement. This was in 1996 and I'm tearing up a bit thinking about this. RIP Sonia."
– Johhnymaddog316
Adrenaline
"A friend of a friend showed up at his girlfriend's apartment with a head wound. He didn't know how it happened. He also didn't know how he drove over there."
"She took him to the ER where he ended up passing away."
"He had his keys, wallet and phone on him."
"The only thing we could think of is he might have tripped, fell and hit his head in the wrong spot."
– cbpantskiller
"It was probably muscle memory that got him there."
"How awful."
– BoringMcWindbag
"Or adrenaline. There was a woman who got attacked by a bear on her isolated mountain ranch. After fighting off the bear (with the help of her dogs), she got in her car and drove several miles down precarious mountain roads to the nearest fire station with her face ripped clean off and, IIRC, one eyeball dangling out of its socket. She said she was almost totally blind and going into shock, but a combination of muscle memory and adrenaline somehow got her down the mountain safely."
"She did an AMA on reddit once. Cool lady. She wrote a memoir, too."
"EDIT TO ADD: Her name was Allena Hansen. I read her memoir and I quite liked it. She's a funny woman who has lived a very interesting life, even aside from the bear attack."
– eldestdaughtersunion
Frozen
"I was snowboarding in 1997 in Switzerland with a good friend. He was skiing. I had caught en edge and landed on the back of my head while also twisting my knee badly. I was being looked over by the mountain rescue and first aid. I told my friend he could keep skiing, i would head back to our villa."
"I ended up going to sleep at around 6pm as I had a hot shower and some tylenol 3s after dinner. I woke up to see my friend hadn't returned and thought it was odd but maybe he hooked up with a lady at some bar."
"Friend never came back from skiing. He was found deep in a crevasse the next afternoon and frozen to death."
– rayrayrayray
A Legitimate Fear
"A friend slipped and fell in the tub. Cracked his head. His roommate found him a half hour later. Died on the way to the hospital."
– HypeMachine231
"I've always been afraid of falling and dying in a bathroom."
– Morlanticator
"I tore my shoulder labrum falling in the shower. It seems like such an elderly person sort of way to get hurt, but I’m not old. Non-slip tub mats are like five bucks, people. It’s a good investment."
– the_cadaver_synod
Always Use A Spotter
"The TV station I worked at previously had a gym in it, and during the midnight shift, the security guard, during his break, decided to lift some weights alone in the gym. He lifted the bar, which was apparently too heavy, and it came crashing down and cut off his circulation. No one discovered him until about six hours later when someone came in to use the shower in the gym."
– phisigtheduck
Pinned
"My uncle was mowing grass on an embankment next to a small body of water. The mower unexpectedly slipped down the embankment and overturned on top of him, pinning him under the water. He drowned in a few feet of water that he otherwise could have stood up in."
– apatheticnihilist
"When my mom was working in hospitals, they had a patient whose tractor rolled over him and he fell into a ditch with water. He was so lucky because he was on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere and when he rolled over, a car passed by. The woman driving rushed to his aid and held his head out of the water. This was before cellphones so she had to wait holding him until another car drove by and then rushed to the nearest house to use the phone. Guy made a full recovery thanks to that woman being there at the exact right time."
– BlackChimaera
A Horrible Accident
"An old buddy I had known since elementary school died while driving when a chunk of loose gravel was kicked up through his windshield by a passing truck on the freeway. His best friend had been riding in the passenger side and had to steer the car to safety. It was nobody’s fault, just a complete freak accident. I’ve always felt terrible for the friend who had to watch it happen."
"I think about my friend who died a lot. He was a really cool guy. I still remember playing basketball with him during recess when we were kids. It’s strange to think that he never could have known how his life would end or see it coming in any way. That kid I used to play basketball thought he still had an entire life ahead of him."
– an_edgy_lemon
See A Bump, Go To A Hospital
"A mom went ice skating. Little slip, fell, all everyone saw was her bump her head lightly."
"Family finished skating. On the ride home, she started speaking gibberish. Dad dropped kids at the grandparents, took mom to the ER."
"Brain swelling, coma, dead a week later."
– Expert-Diamond6467
Honestly, I've always been scared of dying from a head injury that doesn't seem serious at the time. Always, always, always get checked out!
Dating experiences can be incredibly fun and even formative, but it can also be full of tough and painful lessons.
With each relationship, we're bound to learn things that we don't like or aren't looking for in our next partner.
Redditor Valuable-Ad440 asked:
"What do you think the biggest mistake is that people make in relationships?"
Not Apologizing
"Not being able to apologize. If someone tells you they're upset with you, you don't need to argue back."
- TheGame1126
Being Defensive
"Not being able to hear your partner expressing their own needs or constructive critiques without getting defensive."
"You should be able to hear your partner out with concern and curiosity, and THEN address your own feelings that happened as a result of their words. If you can’t have a difficult conversation without being overwhelmed by your own insecurities, you’re not ready to be in a relationship."
- greengiant1101
Too Many Compromises
"Compromising when they started the relationship, and then regret sets in and destroys the relationship."
- Damseldoll
(Not) Winning Arguments
"Trying to 'win' arguments. The goal should be to solve disagreements as a team, not come out as the victor."
- DoublePelix
Not Dating Their Best Friend
"Your partner not being your friend, too."
- Wonderful-Note9289
"Back when we were dating, my wife once told me that I was her boyfriend, but also her friend. I found that odd. Then she pointed out that her ex never had had the potential to be her friend. They just didn't match."
"Since then, I realized how important this is."
- Lvcivs2311
Lack of Communication or Acceptance
"So many people jump straight to 'lack of communication,' but more often than not the problem is refusing to accept what your partner is communicating."
"Communication skills can always be better, but a lack of understanding or willingness to compromise around the difference in each other's needs leads to resentment really quickly. Once you resent each other, it's game over, there's no real way to come back from that."
- alk6489
Taking Others for Granted
"Taking the other person’s love, time, empathy, or patience for granted."
- thebuffyb0t
"Or holding onto a relationship that isn't making you happy out of some hope that the other person will stop taking those things for granted."
"Both are non-starters."
- sophistre
Different Values
"I would rephrase this as 'people are their values and what they value.'"
"If you want a big family and they want to be child-free, you’re not compatible."
"If you are a homebody and they have wanderlust, one of you is going to be miserable."
"If they are fixated on their career and external signs of success and you are more interested in experiences and togetherness, you’re both going to resent each other."
"If you have significantly different political outlooks, it’s going to poison how you see each other over time."
"The first person to say yes to you may not be the right person for you long term. You need to talk about your values and life goals, and if they don’t align, don’t sit there hoping the other person will compromise who they are for you, or expect yourself to compromise who you are for them."
"Respect each other enough to recognize you aren’t the right life partner and move on."
- Fraerie
Getting Married First
"Waiting until you’re too far in to discuss marriage and kids. That’s an issue that needs to be hammered in before you completely shut yourself off from anyone else."
- DefinitelyNotADave
"Tons of people have those tough discussions way too late. Kids, in-law interactions and responsibilities, finances, living situations, household chores, medical issues, and future plans ALL should be discussed before getting married."
"If you don't have an answer for that now, you're going to have to find an answer soon enough. All of these things WILL be faced throughout your lifetime together. It's better to find out if you're completely incompatible before signing that paper. Or at least you've got a plan of how to face things together."
- buyongmafanle
Helping Around At Home
"My girl has been on vacation for about two weeks and f**k, I hate cooking, man!"
"I should help her prep some of the food. It's just more time-consuming than anything else. But yeah, when she gets back, I'll start helping her more. I eat a s**t ton, so yeah."
- Deads4dayz
"Start now, impress her with your effort when she gets back, and tell her you realized how much time she was putting in. Can't go wrong."
- orionicly
"Learn some knife skills on youtube, it can cut your prep time by 50% easily. I've seen people spend ten minutes on a single onion, smh (shaking my head)."
- DaoNight23
"And clean as you cook! Something is simmering on the stove and you can step away for five minutes? Don’t kill time on the couch, clean your workstation! Then when it’s time to serve, you have only a minimal amount of cleanup left to do."
- Youareaharrywizard
"CAYG or Clean As You Go is taught in professional kitchens everywhere for a reason, it’s a proven strategy to keep things clean."
"That and 'if you have time to lean, you have time to clean,' but that one is less popular."
- its_justme
Getting Too Comfortable
"I think it's a combination of getting so comfortable with somebody that you take things for granted, stop doing the little things, and stop communicating."
- Rathemon
"Been feeling this recently. My girlfriend and I moved in together nearly two years ago, and our relationship improved so much when we did, but it has led to me taking things for granted."
"I'm traveling at the moment, and I haven't seen her in nearly a month, and I'm really missing just existing together. Even something as simple as sleeping next to each other, I miss it like crazy, but it's not something I think of as much when we're both at home."
- V0lkhari
Committing 100/100
"Thinking that it's one person's work. A successful relationship needs commitment and work from both parties."
- Mapache_villa
"I find that as the woman, I’m usually carrying the emotional load and it’s f**king exhausting. Talking about feelings, initiating tough conversations, etc. I won’t do it anymore."
- pattimay_ho_nnaise
Having Children to Love
"Believing that having a child will fix their problems."
"Great job, now the THREE of you are in a sucky situation and now are forever tied through a choice you both made instead of just working it out OR separating, both options that would've been a lot less messy and complicated, not to mention that the kid is now stuck between something that's not their responsibility to fix and now they're suffering through it."
"'Compromising' on big life decisions, it never ends well."
- ThanosWifeAkima-4848
Knowing When to Say Goodbye
"Not leaving or ending a relationship when it needs to be ended. Sometimes the best thing to do is to walk away."
- toosickto
That About Sums It Up
"Not 'dating' their partner after getting married and having kids."
"Not communicating."
"Not being on the same page when it comes to finances, household responsibilities, and boundaries with external family."
"Simply not prioritizing their partner."
- vtfb79
These responses came from people who clearly regretted decisions they'd made in relationships or been on the receiving end, neither of which likely felt very pleasant.
Countless emotions arise when going on a first date.
Making this all the more difficult is that a first date is one of the few things that absolutely must be done solo, so bringing friends as backup simply isn't an option.
Leaving one to wish there was a handbook for navigating a first date successfully.
Of course, while there is no official guide, everyone has rules and beliefs about what to do and what to avoid on a first date.
From how to effortlessly bring out your best qualities, to a foolproof escape plan if your date is anything but the one you've dreamed your whole life of meeting.
"What's an unspoken rule on a first date?"
EyeContact, And Not With Your Screen...
"Your phone is not part of the date."- Wonderful-Note9289
"Don't be on your phone the whole time."
"And don't talk about your ex."- HoW-LoNg-DoCtOR-YES
Think Very Carefully Before That Second Round
"Don’t drink too much."- drivethruhell
"Had a date like this."
"Within the first 90 minutes they had taken like three shots, and were on their third drink."
"I understand wanting to calm your nerves, but damn."
"The whole 'you need to play catch up LOL' isn't as cute as you think it is."
"We did not go on any other dates."- mothershipq
Drink GIFGiphyThere Is no Scent More Intoxicating Than Your Own...
"Have a shower beforehand."- Porriz
"And take it easy with the perfume/cologne."
Your date shouldn't smell you before they see you."- imnotlouise
No One Likes A Moocher...
"Don't order any extras plates to eat at home with your mom when the other is paying."- lil_wavey999
Always Be On The Same Page...
"Both should know it is a date."- mosquitohater2023
"I met a woman at an out of town festival through a friend of mine that she was hooking up with."
"She ended up taking too many shrooms and I spent an hour with her helping her to feel calmer."
"She is a traveling nurse and was going to be in my city in a few weeks so we exchange numbers and when she gets in town she asked if I want to get some sushi."
"Happy to make a new friend, we meet up, talk a lot about my friend that she’s hooking up with telling funny stories about him."
"Eventually it comes up that I’m leaving the next day for a 3 week trip to Europe with my girlfriend and she screams, 'I thought this was a f*cking date!'"
"Reeeeaaallly awkward."- redmoskeeto
Dating Wtf GIF by MaxGiphyBe Open And Transparent...
"Not a rule but never make the other person carry the conversation."
"You're both here to make an effort and give each other the respect."
"If you both want different things then let it be said after."
"No need to hurt someone's self-respect for your ego."- Arkjump
"Be there with honest intentions and nothing else."- S-Vagus
Or At Least Be Willing To Share
"Don’t order 3 full meals."- WinkMartindale
"AND expecting him to pay for all of it."
"I mean sure if you want to take some home for your mom, you pay for that yourself."- Widowhawk·
GiphyBe Prepared For A Lack Of Shared Interests...
"Leave the coin collection at home, wow her with that on the second date."- IronLion11·
Choose Your Activities Carefully
"Don't go to the movies or a fancy dinner on your first date if you don't already know this person."
"The movies is a place where you sit in silence for 2 hours staring straight ahead."
"That does not give you any opportunity to get to know the other person."
"A sit down dinner can be perfectly fine, but if you know within the first 10 minutes that you have no desire to spend any more time in this person's presence, you're stuck through the rest of the meal."
"First dates should always be intentionally short with an option to extend."
"Coffee, froyo, drinks, things that can turn into an hour of talking or 'would you like to grab a bite to eat?'"- baltinerdist
Get Your Emotions Under Control
"Don't excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and then accidentally think about your ex while in there, have to fight back tears, and then come back to the table after way too long, with puffy red eyes."
"Whoops." - Reddit
Sad That 70S Show GIF by LaffGiphyJust Be Open And Honest... To an Extent...
"Don't: Unload on your date about your trauma."
"Gotta keep that sh*t under wraps until at least date 5."
"Do: Be yourself, unless your whole personality teeters on your traumatic history--in that case, self-deprecating humor will suffice until you can successfully abandon all hope and sit in your car for an hour to cry afterward."-Deep-Essay-4829
A Conversation Is A Two-Way Street
"Usually when asked a question I’d answer it and then hit her with a 'what about you?'"
"To ensure that I wasn’t dominating the convo."
"Let the other person speak."- bumboclawt
... NOPE...
"Bring an egg, uncooked, in your pocket."
"Casually let it fall out at the end of the date."
"This establishes you as a breadwinner, who else has the money to just carry eggs around in their pockets?"
"When your date, inevitably, wants to know more about the egg just shrug it off."
"You're not here to brag, your egg does that for you."- wearywarrior
Broken Heart Love GIF by Share It AgainGiphyIf there is one rule absolutely everyone should follow when going on a first date, it's not being beholden to rules, spoken or unspoken.
After all, the best romances are often the ones which happen organically.
Love cannot be forced.