Cautious People Share The Things You Should Never, Ever Mess With
There's some stuff you just don't mess with, no matter who you are. Even the most invincible among us have our weak points... yes, even the great Steve Irwin had some things he knew better than to mess with - and he was Steve Friggin' Irwin! If even he had fears, we mere mortals should probably be afraid of way more stuff than we actually are. One redditor asked:
And we were like... YES. Reddit is a forum that reaches people all around the world. The stuff we know not to mess with could be completely different from what other people know! There could potentially be tons of stuff out there just waiting to go all Wreck-It Ralph on us. So of course we read the thread. After way too many hours spent reading and researching how to moose-proof our homes, we came up with these entries to share with you. We'll see you at the bubble wrap store.
Don't Yell At Customs Agents
My wife has two Peruvian passports; an expired one containing all her residence visas for the UK, and her current one. We've checked and double checked and this is perfectly valid, but she gets really over-defensive about it when questioned by immigration.
"It's fine! I've travelled with these passports dozens of times! Are you new, or just an idiot?!".
A few months ago she called me in tears because she was being held by immigration at Manchester airport. I guessed immediately what had happened, she even started shouting at some official who had entered the room while we were talking and calling him an idiot. Not the best strategy.
A man loading/unloading a U-Haul van. Their mind, soul, and body are united in one singular, burning thought: "f_ck this b_llshit".
I would warn God himself not to give the man in the van a reason to go off on him.
This happened to me a couple of years ago - squeezing limes at a BBQ to make limeade, went out in the garden for a couple of hours... 24 hours later my hands had gone deep red, and started swelling, 48 hours later I had huge blisters and my hands looked like I was wearing thick gloves. Went away after 72 hours but was a nasty experience all round. Look it up: phytophotodermatitis. Be aware!
Me and a friend stopped to talk to an old man out walking his two dogs once (mostly to fuss his dogs) and he told us that it was three not that long ago. He used to have a Jack Russel, but one day when he was walking it, it caught an interesting scent and followed it into a badger hole, and never came back out.
Springs Can Kill You
Garage door springs. My garage was busted so my brother and i went to check it out. We started f*cking with it and one of the springs just exploded towards the side of my face so I never saw it. It knocked my glasses off my face and almost went completely through my wall. I got lucky. I don't know what that would've done to me had it hit me
Electricity Can Kill... Or Worse
I work with a dude who was working on a generator set, stuck his flashlight into his mouth to be able to use both hands. Power arced through the flashlight and now he has no lower jaw.
A friend of mine in college got drunk and passed out on a lawn. Woke up like an hour later and went to bed. Woke up in the morning and said her leg really hurt. Turns out she got bitten by a brown recluse on the lawn. She had to go to the ER and got an chunk of her thigh removed. Now she has a dark brown circular pit in her leg.
Someone with a knife. Ignore everything you've ever read about self defense. You're gonna get cut. A lot.
Knife fights: you will get cut, cut deeper, harder, and faster than your opponent. Loser dies in the streets, winner dies on the way to the hospital.
Sleepy Sudoku-Playing Moms
Anyone who just woke up. Also my mom when she's playing Sudoku. Never bother her.
I know a Samoan bouncer, two guys started to fight, he yelled "Sit Down"
They Did. On the floor. Right there.
He is about 6 foot 6, and about that wide too.
Don't. Mess. With. Hippos.
When a guy who wrestlers crocodiles and generally pisses off dangerous animals for a living says the scariest moment of his career was silently boating through a river of hippos...
Water is heavy -- heavier than people realize. A cubic meter of water weighs a literal ton. Consider that a tsunami might readily be thirty meters high and moving at a speed of 30-40 miles per hour, and you can see just how destructive water can be.
But that's a tsunami: a freak event. What about seemingly calm water? Well, there's possibly shit going on beneath the surface that you have no idea about. If you've ever tried fight your way out of a rip current, you'll know just how fruitless it can be to try and resist. (Sidenote: don't try and swim through a rip current. Swim parallel to the shore for a while, then try to get back to the beach. You will not get through it otherwise, and you'll just tire yourself out.) It takes astonishingly little moving water to sweep you off your feet. According to the Oregon Department of Geology and Mineral Industries, a grown man could be knocked over by one foot of water moving at 6.7 miles per hour, by knee-deep water at 4 mph, and waist-deep water at 2.6 mph. That's slower than the average walking speed. If there's a lot of water and it's moving the way you don't want to go? F*ck you, buddy -- you're going where it says, not the other way around.
And then there's the Strid at Bolton Abbey, where both of these facts combine to make a deathtrap that looks like a simple brook. A fast-moving river (and all the water that involves) gives way to a very deep but very narrow chasm that seems almost tailor-made to pull people under. While numbers of fatalities are sketchy, local rumors persist that everyone who's ever fallen into the Strid has drowned. Every. Single. One.
Moving water is nothing to f*ck with.
One time my friend was like getting to close to a passing train, and a homeless man in a deep growly voice said "Don't f*ck with the train, man." I don't know why it stuck with me, probably the thought of what he's seen.
The only people to be able to shake down the Mob is the IRS. That should tell you everything you need to know about the IRS. Uncle Sam wants his f*ckin cut.
John Wick's dog
Keep It Real
I was about to head out to work and wanted to get a little bit stoned before because i hated my job. Went over to my cousin's house to smoke some synthetic legal weed with him and his buddy. They were smoking it out of a bong. They were experienced with the stuff and I guess had built up a tolerance to it. I had smoked it once before by myself and had experienced being just a little too high. I just slept it off at the time because I was at home. Anyway, I made the mistake of taking a big ol' hit out of the bong. They were both like "Jesus dude that was maybe too much there". And they were right. I was immediately waaaaaay too high. So after sitting on the couch and freaking them out by talking about how I was about to die, I bolted out of cuz's house and ran down the street trying to get away from from the situation and them. I jumped onto a stranger's motorcycle parked on the street and tried to start it. My cousin and his friend had to drag me off of it and back down the street while I was gasping for breath and the owner of the motorcycle followed us down the street threatening to beat my ass. And I didn't come down for about an hour. It got worse after they got me back in the house. I was sure that I had died and was on my way to hell because I was experiencing time loops.
It was pretty terrifying. Definitely never again.
Obligatory Princess Bride Reference
A Sicilian when death is on the line?
Just Take The F
Hydrofluoric acid. In fact just...don't get near it. At all. Ever. For any reason. It's thankfully banned from my school's chem labs and probably most public college and university chem labs, because as a general rule of thumb, EVERYONE is too much of a dumbass to deal with hydrofluoric acid. Hydrofluoric acid does not care who you are. It does not care why you're here. It does not care what you're doing. You get that shit on you, you will die. It is corrosive. It doesn't give a fuck if you need those bones in your body. It will eat through them anyway on its epic quest to fulfill its sole purpose of eating through everything it fucking touches. The bones and organic material in a human body are no different than the rocks, glass, and steel it's used to eat through. It will go through your skin, your tissues, your bones, and it WILL make its way into your bloodstream where it will have a particularly nasty reaction with the blood calcium and you die.
Nothing is worth potential contact with that real life eldritch abomination from the bowels of hell. I won't even enter a room if people are working with it in there. Like I said, it's banned from my college campus from what I was told by my geo and chem profs, and I don't think it is cleared for use anywhere on the campus at all (even the grad labs). But if I ever did end up in a lab where the criteria was "use hydrofluoric acid for anything at all" I'd skip the lab and take the f*cking F.
The Nice Ones
A really genuine nice person.
If you torment them enough, their reaction will be thoroughly unpleasant.
Crows. They remember individual faces and have their own language so they basically tell other crows that a paricular human has pissed them off. Scientists did experiments.
Sometimes friendships don't last forever. Especially when they exist within a big group of friends--that's when things can get messy, especially when you're young. Eventually, you grow up and realize that the drama just isn't worth it, and part ways.
This seems to be a universal experience. 606hound asked:
Why did your friend group break up?
This phenomenon seems to happen the most after high school. It can be tragic, but sometimes it just doesn’t make sense to be friends anymore.
It’s a lot of work to stay in touch as adults.
“Time and distance means both parties have to work at it to keep it going. There are a lot of people I thought I'd remain friends with all my life who are now people I will always remain in contact with, and if they ever want to try and reconnect, my door is open, and I hope the same offer is open to me should I want to reach out.
I think there's also something to the idea that what made us friends back then isn't who we are today. The friends I am still friends with from my high school days or my university days or my first job days have grown up with me and like me for who I am now, not who I was when we first met, and vice versa. There are people I stay in touch with for the sake of shared history who I am confident we will never make new memories together. That's okay. I care about them to the extent that I like to know they're doing okay, and that's enough for both of us.”
It’s best to avoid people like this.Tim And Eric Smile GIFGiphy
“It was three of us and we were inseparable back in high school. Then, when the girl I was crushing on started hanging out with us more, one of my friends started acting different. At first, he was going out of his way to look good in front of her and like a really good/funny guy. It was annoying. Then it moved to him lying to me and talking sh*t about me to her and other people. And finally, he started to flirt her under the thinly veiled excuse of "wrestling."
A dozen talks and all of them ending in him threatening suicide later, I told him to f*ck off and broke it off."
Gotta grow up at some point.
“Everyone was really fun as a group for the first couple years, but as we got older some grew up and others didn't. Which led to some people doing some sh*tty things to others in the group that brought on some fights and arguments which eventually split everyone up.
There are a few members of the group that I stay in contact with but we will likely never hang out as a group again.”
They had to learn their lesson twice with these folks.
“Girl A told girl B that this boy was cheating on B. B called A a liar and physically fought her. All my friends took different sides. I remained neutral like Switzerland. I am now the one with no friends since those backing A were angry I was still talking to those backing B and viceversa.
Edit for answers:
- The guy was cheating but made B think she was crazy for believing A. He was abusive and toxic. They are still together 15 years down the line and have 2 children.
- I sort of took A's side as she was right but my best friend (C) took B's side. A had no problem with me talking to B and the ones on her side. My then best friend C got jealous I was also talking to A and got the girls on A's side to stop talking to A.
- Whole group rekindled about a year later, apologies were exchanged. B never joined any plan as the guy didn't want her to see her friends.
- When me and A started uni (we were the only two from the group that went to university) everyone stopped calling us as we were broke students and didn't have money for clubbing. We tried to organise free plans but no one was interested.
Lost the same group twice. Better off without them. Girl A is still my best friend.”
Unfortunately, there are common traits between people in a friendship that one might outgrow, like partying, drugs, or other reckless activities.
Drugs can tear apart any relationship.comedy central GIF by The Jim Jefferies ShowGiphy
Steve always had a coke problem and so did Shane. Then I got one and it was bad. All the girlfriends blamed Steve and Shane for what happened to me as they introduced me to it.
Then Steve got too coked out while I was at rehab and beat the sh*t out of Shane.
I still talk to Shane occasionally hoping he's ready to quit drinking but the rest of them are long gone.
Growing up means losing friends.
“I think most of my group still hangs out. But over the last five years, I've just stopped talking to them.
I used to be a huge partier, but had a major health event that has effectively ended it. I no longer drink or do hard drugs.
I just lost interest with them since it all revolved around getting messed up. I used to go out maybe a few times a year, but after the social distancing this past year, I lost touch even more. On top of that, my longest friend unexpectedly died due to drugs earlier this year. I'm glad I got out when I did because I was on track for the same fate.
On top of that, I stopped doing Facebook and that has contributed as well. I recently saw they all got together for some 100 days celebration of my friend dying but nobody invited me and I found out after the fact.
Sometimes you just grow up and leave it behind."
All went in different directions.
“I was part of a group of 6 that hung out the summer after high school graduation. This is what happened.
One liked drugs.
One became a cop.
One got sent to jail.
One moved to Oregon.
One is still getting his Masters.
I'm just working.
I still hang out with the guy getting his masters and the guy from Oregon will come back home sometimes.”
Sometimes we just outgrow people. It’s a part of becoming an adult.
Don’t bang your band mates.band jamming GIFGiphy
“Not as much as a friend group, but a band. I was in a pop punk band in high school, and we were together for about 2 years just playing local shows and sucking at writing songs together.
My junior year, I (vocals) started dating the guitar player. Turns out, the bassist and the keyboard player also both had the hots for me. Bassist and Keyboard player dipped, other guitar guy and drummer awkwardly backed out, and me and girlfriend/guitar player did acoustic covers together for another year and a half before she cheated on me and we broke up.
Moral of the story, don't bang your bandmates.”
“Some friends had very clear mental health issues. One decided to lash out and cut contact for seemingly no reason, another just straight up ghosted everyone and we never found out why.
One of my good buddies from highschool has problems with alcohol and also wants to be a cop despite being racist and sexist. He made a sexual comment to my wife while blacked out and refused to take responsibility. Another friend freaked out months later screaming at us for daring to hold him to account and said a bunch of awful things, we haven't heard from her since.
Growing up f*cking sucks sometimes.”
Something I wish I learned when I was younger was that if a friendship is toxic, it’s more than ok to let them go. It’s no use clinging to people who don’t value you, or are just plain problematic. You’re allowed to leave.
It’s honestly better to just have a few close friends anyway. Friend groups are too dramatic.
What is it about "Dad Jokes" that's grown in popularity as of late?
Reddit user, u/20davidtocommandcode, wanted to get a good chuckle when they asked:
Fathers of reddit, what is you're favorite dad joke?
The simplicity, and quick, "Ohh, I get it," nature of a well-formed Dad Joke is what makes them special. Take notes, add them to your phone, and make sure you have these in your back pocket to bust out at any time.
"Puts car in reverse gear"
"Wow, this really takes me back."
Raining Medical Jokes
"Dogs can't operate MRI machines."
Duh. It's Science.
"Which animals can jump higher than the Eiffel tower?"
"All of them, the Eiffel tower can't jump."
Say It Out Loud...
"Have you heard of Murphy's Law? It is "Anything that can wrong will go wrong"
"How about Cole's Law?"
"It is thinly sliced cabbage with a creamy dressing."
No Relish, Though.
"A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog cart, says: "Make me one with everything."
Watches, Chocolate, Jokes, They Can Do It All
"What's the best thing about Switzerland?"
"Well, its flag is a big plus…"
They Wanted To Wipe Their Slate Clean
"Did you hear about the criminal who stole all the toilets from the police station?"
"He didn't leave any evidence. Poor cops have nothing to go on."
Please Pick Up Your Amphibian At The Nearest Lot
"What do you call an illegally parked frog?"
That's An Academy Award Winning Joke, Right There
"Did you hear about that actor that got stabbed? Reece something...."
"No, with a knife."
So really, what is it about dad jokes that tickles us so much? For some, it might have something to do with connecting the person who told them it in the first place.
It's The Long Pause. That'll Seal The Deal.
"The only time I remember my dad making a pun.
He planted vegetables in a small plot in our suburban backyard.
I asked what he planted.
"Summer squash," he said.
"And some aren't."
One of my favorite memories."
Shut. Up. Filled With Love.
"When I was a kid I was riding in the car with my Dad and the gum I was chewing tasted like bananas, but it wasn't banana flavor. So I asked my Dad "Why does this gum taste like bananas?"
"He turned to me and pretending I was telling a joke said "I don't know, why?" So I responded with "Shut up." and he said "That joke isn't very funny.". Then we both laughed."
"It became a running joke through his life, he would ask some random question and when I responded with "I don't know" he would tell me to shut up. And we would laugh."
"I miss him every day and that joke still makes me laugh."
Comforting Dad Pranks
"Not really a dad joke, but I told my grandsons that my new car's back window wiper was voice activated on rainy/snowy days. We picked them up from school for a long time (pre-covid.) They get in the car on a rainy day and I'll hear "ON!" from one of them (I turn on the wiper) and the other will shout "OFF!!" (I turn it off...) this goes on all the way home and I started it back in 2018!"
Forging Memories To Last Forever
"I just did the 'ol "Hi hungry, I'm dad" joke to my son for the very first time ever a couple weeks ago, been waiting so long to pull that one! Definitely my favorite!"
"What was your son's reaction[?]"
"He actually laughed! I thought he might be slightly too young to get the joke, but he's pretty quick witted for 3-1/2 years old!"
Now get cracking with the laughing.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Truth is stranger than fiction – which is why documentaries are so fascinating to watch.
Even some fictional movies are stories derived from real-life events or people, past or present.
In my humble opinion, Michael Moore makes excellent documentaries about social injustices and he fearlessly reveals the cracks and corruption within our government.
But some topics are meant to be explored beyond the two-hour-plus running time in movies. Which is why Netflix brought Tiger King as a docuseries, and it left audiences completely dumbfounded.
"What is the most insane documentary you've ever seen?"
People with unstable minds do the unthinkable, and our eyes are glued to the screen.
The Tragedy Of Timothy Treadwell
"Grizzly Man by Werner Herzog. It's a documentary about Timothy Treadwell, an environmentalist who spent 13 summers in Alaska camping out with grizzly bears and eventually gets eaten along with his girlfriend. And it was caught on tape, because he filmed everything. Dude was clearly not all there, just a sad story, but fascinating."
Devils In Our Midst
"Evil Genius. It's about the aftermath of a bank robbery in which the bank robber was a captive who had a bomb collar strapped to their neck. It's definitely one hell of a watch."
"There's an excellent documentary on an incident during the Troubles in Northern Ireland called 'No Stone Unturned'. It's an investigative journalism piece about British forces' collusion and coverup of the 1994 Loughinisland Massacre, when six people in a bar watching Ireland play in the World Cup were murdered by masked paramilitary gunmen with assault rifles."
"The methodical, step-by-step investigation and laying out of the (very incriminating!) evidence makes for a truly fascinating watch. Two of the filmmakers were later arrested by the PSNI and then released."
"Not an easy watch, but highly recommend it."
These are apparently psychologically riveting.
Leaving The Past In The Past
"Tell me who I am was the most heartbreaking documentary I've ever seen. It's about these twin brothers and one of them gets into a bad motorcycle accident when he was 18 and doesn't remember anything from before. His brother has to decide whether to tell him everything or let him live in ignorant bliss."
"It's the story of this kid who went missing when he was 12 or 13 and then reappeared something like 10 years later. It documents him getting back to and reuniting with his family. But get this: it wasn't the actual missing kid, but instead a French scam artist who did this sh*t serially."
"Now what makes the doc crazy is the story is told with interviews from the family and the f'king scam artist. He obviously a sociopath so he just calmy explains his motives and justifications for getting this poor family's hopes up. There's footage of all this as well as reenactments with the guy. It's super creepy."
"I haven't seen too many but so far Dear Zachary."
"On top of being one of the saddest movies I've ever seen, that reveal was immensely f'ked up. Not to mention f'king terrifying with all that red light and screaming sounds."
And these films are considered completely wackadoodle.
Kink Takes A Turn
"Tickled. Thought it was going to be just a fun and weird look at a goofy sport but it was so disturbing and wild."
Deadly Amusement Park
"Class Action Park. It's about this old amusement park in New Jersey called Action Park that had an insane number of injuries. Former employees and guests talk about each ride and what made it fun and unsafe. There are animations of people getting hurt so those parts aren't too hard to watch. It also includes interviews about a specific fatality so I do want to make that clear as a trigger warning. But mostly it's a fascinating look at how kids grew up in the 80's and 90's and whether that was the best thing. There's a lot of nostalgia but I don't think anyone wants their kid to be the one who's fatally electrocuted on a kayak ride."
"The McDonald's monopoly scam documentary, McMillion$. I'd never heard of it before, so it was really interesting and pretty insane."
Good Time Country
"The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia! Produced by Johnny Knoxville, it's about backwoods toe-dancer Jeaco White and his hillbilly family. Wildly entertaining - seen it 4 times."
"I watched one about fyre festival."
"The sh*t that went down was insane."
"Internet historian does a good take on things."
One docuseries that stayed with me was Don't F**k With Cats.
It was a Netflix doc about how amateur sleuths of the internet managed to lead a manhunt looking for Canadian pornographic actor, Luka Magnotta – whose penchant for torturing cute kittens for fun and posting his cruel acts on social media led him to murder Chinese international student, Jun Lin.
At the end of the series, I didn't know what I just saw and it took a while to process the absolutely bonkers turn of events.
And it's not for the faint of heart to watch.
Whether the person delivering the remark is joking or dead serious and miserable, chances are that we'll be insulted plenty of times in our lives.
And the worst thing that can happen is to freeze.
Nobody wants to be a dear in the headlights when someone decided to bully them. Instead, it's best to be prepared.
A recent Reddit thread asked people to pool their best comebacks to insults they could come up with. Thanks to them, we can walk around stocked with some return fire on the occasion we do fall prey to a person's put downs.
Redditor Concert-Extra asked:
"What is your go-to comeback when insulted?"
Of course, there were plenty of witty one-liners proposed. The hope here is that wittiness of the comeback trumps the intelligence level of the insult that provoked it.
It's all math.
" 'I've been called worse by better men' " -- Atbunyar
"Stealing that, thanks" -- GSavvage
Saying It Without Saying It
"Let's play horse: I'll be the head and you be yourself."
"If they say 'fu** you.' I say 'not even if you paid me.' "
"I say, 'I'm not that desperate, and you're not that lucky...' " -- webjocky
"If the insult is funny / good, laugh with them. If it's bad, laugh at them, and just go 'you know what buddy, we'll give you another crack at that one if you'd like.' "
Others advocated against getting into the weeds with a counter-insult. Instead, they advised a response that, above all, thrived on its absurdity to leave the insulter as puzzled as possible.
"Complete silence… let the uncomfortable sizzle and sink in. It's debilitating to the ego." -- LivingBeneficial3814
"That's what I do. Insults only have validity if the issuer thinks it worked." -- trenchfootflyfisher
Annoy, Annoy, Annoy
"Ask them to repeat themselves. Then do it again." -- Global-Ad404
"This is the best one because a good insult relies on timing. Having them repeat it makes it sound dumb and mean." -- Elephinker
"i just say 'and then?' and i keep saying it after every insult until they run out of insults." -- snodnif
"and theeeeeeeeeeeeeen?" -- Ninkaso
Finally, some advocated the "kill them with kindness" approach.
Opening Things Up
"When somebody is insulting me without any purpose, I just tell them 'bad day, huh?' "
"I swear, 90% of the people almost immediately calm down and even apologise to me, beacuse they seriously had a bad day and they just had too much bad energy without a way to let it go."
"There's no need to fight back, sometimes we need a good approach to end the argument and calm down the attacker."
"You doing alright, bud?" -- 7788445511220011
"Oooo the condescending use of 'bud.' Nice touch." -- Kuli24
"noooooooo not the BUD!!!! he's to evil to be left alive" -- Kbirt24
Wind Out of the Sails
"I don't get insulted often but the odd chance when it happens I say 'God Bless You' It either enrages them or they look confused for some reason."
Here's to you leaving here with 10 comebacks in your back pocket.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.