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Cautious People Share The Things You Should Never, Ever Mess With

Cautious People Share The Things You Should Never, Ever Mess With

Cautious People Share The Things You Should Never, Ever Mess With

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There's some stuff you just don't mess with, no matter who you are. Even the most invincible among us have our weak points... yes, even the great Steve Irwin had some things he knew better than to mess with - and he was Steve Friggin' Irwin! If even he had fears, we mere mortals should probably be afraid of way more stuff than we actually are. One redditor asked:

What should you not f*ck with?

And we were like... YES. Reddit is a forum that reaches people all around the world. The stuff we know not to mess with could be completely different from what other people know! There could potentially be tons of stuff out there just waiting to go all Wreck-It Ralph on us. So of course we read the thread. After way too many hours spent reading and researching how to moose-proof our homes, we came up with these entries to share with you. We'll see you at the bubble wrap store.

Don't Yell At Customs Agents

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My wife has two Peruvian passports; an expired one containing all her residence visas for the UK, and her current one. We've checked and double checked and this is perfectly valid, but she gets really over-defensive about it when questioned by immigration.

"It's fine! I've travelled with these passports dozens of times! Are you new, or just an idiot?!".

A few months ago she called me in tears because she was being held by immigration at Manchester airport. I guessed immediately what had happened, she even started shouting at some official who had entered the room while we were talking and calling him an idiot. Not the best strategy.

U-Haul

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A man loading/unloading a U-Haul van. Their mind, soul, and body are united in one singular, burning thought: "f_ck this b_llshit".

I would warn God himself not to give the man in the van a reason to go off on him.

Limes?

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This happened to me a couple of years ago - squeezing limes at a BBQ to make limeade, went out in the garden for a couple of hours... 24 hours later my hands had gone deep red, and started swelling, 48 hours later I had huge blisters and my hands looked like I was wearing thick gloves. Went away after 72 hours but was a nasty experience all round. Look it up: phytophotodermatitis. Be aware!

Badgers

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Me and a friend stopped to talk to an old man out walking his two dogs once (mostly to fuss his dogs) and he told us that it was three not that long ago. He used to have a Jack Russel, but one day when he was walking it, it caught an interesting scent and followed it into a badger hole, and never came back out.

Springs Can Kill You

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Garage door springs. My garage was busted so my brother and i went to check it out. We started f*cking with it and one of the springs just exploded towards the side of my face so I never saw it. It knocked my glasses off my face and almost went completely through my wall. I got lucky. I don't know what that would've done to me had it hit me

Electricity Can Kill... Or Worse

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I work with a dude who was working on a generator set, stuck his flashlight into his mouth to be able to use both hands. Power arced through the flashlight and now he has no lower jaw.

Brown Recluse

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A friend of mine in college got drunk and passed out on a lawn. Woke up like an hour later and went to bed. Woke up in the morning and said her leg really hurt. Turns out she got bitten by a brown recluse on the lawn. She had to go to the ER and got an chunk of her thigh removed. Now she has a dark brown circular pit in her leg.

Knife Fights

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Someone with a knife. Ignore everything you've ever read about self defense. You're gonna get cut. A lot.

Knife fights: you will get cut, cut deeper, harder, and faster than your opponent. Loser dies in the streets, winner dies on the way to the hospital.

Sleepy Sudoku-Playing Moms

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Anyone who just woke up. Also my mom when she's playing Sudoku. Never bother her.

Samoan Bouncers

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I know a Samoan bouncer, two guys started to fight, he yelled "Sit Down"

They Did. On the floor. Right there.

He is about 6 foot 6, and about that wide too.

Don't. Mess. With. Hippos.

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When a guy who wrestlers crocodiles and generally pisses off dangerous animals for a living says the scariest moment of his career was silently boating through a river of hippos...

Water

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Moving water.

Water is heavy -- heavier than people realize. A cubic meter of water weighs a literal ton. Consider that a tsunami might readily be thirty meters high and moving at a speed of 30-40 miles per hour, and you can see just how destructive water can be.

But that's a tsunami: a freak event. What about seemingly calm water? Well, there's possibly shit going on beneath the surface that you have no idea about. If you've ever tried fight your way out of a rip current, you'll know just how fruitless it can be to try and resist. (Sidenote: don't try and swim through a rip current. Swim parallel to the shore for a while, then try to get back to the beach. You will not get through it otherwise, and you'll just tire yourself out.) It takes astonishingly little moving water to sweep you off your feet. According to the Oregon Department of Geology and Mineral Industries, a grown man could be knocked over by one foot of water moving at 6.7 miles per hour, by knee-deep water at 4 mph, and waist-deep water at 2.6 mph. That's slower than the average walking speed. If there's a lot of water and it's moving the way you don't want to go? F*ck you, buddy -- you're going where it says, not the other way around.

And then there's the Strid at Bolton Abbey, where both of these facts combine to make a deathtrap that looks like a simple brook. A fast-moving river (and all the water that involves) gives way to a very deep but very narrow chasm that seems almost tailor-made to pull people under. While numbers of fatalities are sketchy, local rumors persist that everyone who's ever fallen into the Strid has drowned. Every. Single. One.

Moving water is nothing to f*ck with.

Trains

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One time my friend was like getting to close to a passing train, and a homeless man in a deep growly voice said "Don't f*ck with the train, man." I don't know why it stuck with me, probably the thought of what he's seen.

Uncle Sam

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The only people to be able to shake down the Mob is the IRS. That should tell you everything you need to know about the IRS. Uncle Sam wants his f*ckin cut.

Truth

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John Wick's dog

Keep It Real

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I was about to head out to work and wanted to get a little bit stoned before because i hated my job. Went over to my cousin's house to smoke some synthetic legal weed with him and his buddy. They were smoking it out of a bong. They were experienced with the stuff and I guess had built up a tolerance to it. I had smoked it once before by myself and had experienced being just a little too high. I just slept it off at the time because I was at home. Anyway, I made the mistake of taking a big ol' hit out of the bong. They were both like "Jesus dude that was maybe too much there". And they were right. I was immediately waaaaaay too high. So after sitting on the couch and freaking them out by talking about how I was about to die, I bolted out of cuz's house and ran down the street trying to get away from from the situation and them. I jumped onto a stranger's motorcycle parked on the street and tried to start it. My cousin and his friend had to drag me off of it and back down the street while I was gasping for breath and the owner of the motorcycle followed us down the street threatening to beat my ass. And I didn't come down for about an hour. It got worse after they got me back in the house. I was sure that I had died and was on my way to hell because I was experiencing time loops.

It was pretty terrifying. Definitely never again.

Obligatory Princess Bride Reference

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A Sicilian when death is on the line?

Just Take The F

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Hydrofluoric acid. In fact just...don't get near it. At all. Ever. For any reason. It's thankfully banned from my school's chem labs and probably most public college and university chem labs, because as a general rule of thumb, EVERYONE is too much of a dumbass to deal with hydrofluoric acid. Hydrofluoric acid does not care who you are. It does not care why you're here. It does not care what you're doing. You get that shit on you, you will die. It is corrosive. It doesn't give a fuck if you need those bones in your body. It will eat through them anyway on its epic quest to fulfill its sole purpose of eating through everything it fucking touches. The bones and organic material in a human body are no different than the rocks, glass, and steel it's used to eat through. It will go through your skin, your tissues, your bones, and it WILL make its way into your bloodstream where it will have a particularly nasty reaction with the blood calcium and you die.

Nothing is worth potential contact with that real life eldritch abomination from the bowels of hell. I won't even enter a room if people are working with it in there. Like I said, it's banned from my college campus from what I was told by my geo and chem profs, and I don't think it is cleared for use anywhere on the campus at all (even the grad labs). But if I ever did end up in a lab where the criteria was "use hydrofluoric acid for anything at all" I'd skip the lab and take the f*cking F.

The Nice Ones

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A really genuine nice person.

If you torment them enough, their reaction will be thoroughly unpleasant.

The Birds

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Crows. They remember individual faces and have their own language so they basically tell other crows that a paricular human has pissed them off. Scientists did experiments.

H/T: Reddit

The Most Unprofessional Thing A Doctor Has Ever Said To A Patient

Reddit user Monsah asked: 'What is the most unprofessional thing a doctor has said to you?'

surgeons looking down at patient

National Cancer Institute on Unsplash

"I shall do by my patients as I would be done by; shall obtain consultation whenever I or they desire; shall include them to the extent they wish in all important decisions; and shall minimize suffering whenever a cure cannot be obtained, understanding that a dignified death is an important goal in everyone's life."

~ English translation of the modern abridged Hippocratic Oath

It is the hope of those seeking medical help that the medical professionals providing it will be just that—professional.

But no profession is immune to bad days, bad attitudes or bad apples.

Keep reading...Show less
shallow focus of a woman's sad eyes
Photo by Louis Galvez on Unsplash

When it comes to making a point, the stronger language you use, the better.

Sometimes, this is true of insults too. If you use strong language, the insult may hurt more. This language may include curse words. A lot of times, cursing while insulting someone is a surefire way to make sure the insult lands the way it was intended.

However, this is not always true.

Redditors know it's completely possible to deliver savage insults without using curse words, and are eager to share their favorites.

It all started when Redditor ILikeExistingLol asked:

"What's an absolutely devastating insult without any cuss words?"

Bad Breath

""First of all, brush your teeth...""

– iSniffMyPooper

"I literally just brushed my teeth because of this comment. I was gonna put it off for a little later, but I couldn't after reading that."

– ClumsyGhostObserver

"A coworker who never showers, washes his clothes, or brushes his teeth was trying to intimidate me once and I told him the scariest thing about him was his breath. He hasn’t spoken to me since."

– Floptopus

"“Well, at least you have more teeth than IQ points.”"

– Average_Aloe

"About the same in his case, really."

– Floptopus

Yikes! That Face!

""I never forget a face. But in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception.""

"– Groucho Marx"

– chumloadio

""You have the face for a career in radio.""

– badmother

""...and a voice for print.""

– Byanl

If Only We Never Met

"I miss the feeling of not knowing you."

– Swivel_D

"I think Shakespeare once said something along the lines of "I wish we were better strangers.""

– Non_Music_Prodigy

Crime Against Humanity

"Have you ever considered that perhaps your low self-esteem is just good common sense?"

– pantsoncrooked

"I'd say shots fired but damn that's a nuclear warhead."

– RBpositive

Winston Churchill

"“He’s a humble man with much to be humble about.”"

"-Winston Churchill"

– Triton289

"Another Winston favorite: “Madam, I may be drunk, but you are ugly. Tomorrow, I will be sober.”"

– hdroadking

"Some lady: “If you were my husband, I’d poison your drink.”"

"Churchill: “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”"

"May be slightly different wording."

– No-comment-at-all

"Lady Astor! She was an interesting person."

– Rare_Parsnip905

Wrong!

""I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.""

– shaidyn

""You're entitled to your opinion. It's wrong, but you're entitled to it.""

– a_in_hd

Tough Love

"A teacher called my son success-avoidant 3 years ago and he still thinks about that every day. But it did motivate him to get an A in that class, and all his other classes too!"

– OhSassafrass

"Damn, a harsh truth can be very motivating."

– InverstNoob

What I Like About You

"“Do you know what I like about you?”"

"When they say “what?”, you reply, “See? You can’t think of anything either.”"

– Axeman517

"These are always the most devastating ones, when you set them up to expect a compliment."

– TruCelt

"It's risky though. If they actually give an answer, like some cocky "that i'm hot?" or whatever, then you'll have to think fast."

– Ketcunt

""No, that's definitely not it. I'll keep thinking, I'm sure something will come to me.""

– OnionMiasma

Rumor Has It

""I had to see for myself, but people are absolutely right about you.""

"No cussing, no meanness, but they'll get paranoid about who's talking about them and their reputation."

– NinjatheClick

Intelligence Called Out

"Your grades say marry rich, but your face says study harder."

– rrashad21

"Please donate your brain to science, at least that way someone will actually use it."

– MembraneintheInzane

Oooh!

"You are impossible to underestimate."

"You never fail to meet my expectations."

– Zyhre

Hilarious

"You couldn't guess which way an elevator is going if you had three guesses."

– Edward_the_Dog

"I love this insult because you have a moment of silence afterward as the insultee pieces it together."

– -Envixity

I love that one; it's brilliant. I'm using this as soon as I get an opportunity!

office full of desks and workers

Alex Kotliarskyi on Unsplash

I once worked in a cubicle farm doing finance and accounting. A new employee disappeared just a few hours after the day started.

Eventually they were found.

On the floor.

Under their desk.

Sleeping.

They were promptly fired once they woke up. I wonder how their version of the story goes.

While that was a ridiculous way to be fired, for these folks, the employers were the ones with questionable judgment.

Keep reading...Show less

Anyone who has gone on a few dates knows a few things that they like and don't like to see in a relationship, and they definitely know what some of their dealbreakers are.

But there are some dealbreakers that, when looked at from the outside, are totally petty in nature.

Redditor bigdawgcat asked:

"What is the pettiest reason why you wouldn't date somebody?"

Food Allergies

"I have a friend who stopped dating someone because he found out they were lactose intolerant."

"His example of why was, what if I taste a really great dessert, and I want to share the experience with her, and she can’t even taste it."

- Horknut1

"I know someone who is allergic to alliums (garlic, onions, etc.). I could never date this person as there is no meal I could make which doesn't include them in some amount."

- Fixes_Computers

"Same with peanut allergies. I love peanut butter too much to start a relationship with someone who couldn't be in the same room with it, not when there are plenty of other wonderful people who can. If the allergy suddenly developed long into the relationship, that would be a different case."

- cottagecheeseobesity

The Ups and Downs of Physical Fitness

"A college friend of mine was dating a girl who was amazing, smart, and funny, and she had put on a few extra pounds recently, which bothered him (don’t shoot the messenger)."

"We were driving at night down a big hill on a hot summer night and saw a young woman running up the hill toward us, really sweating, face purple, and looking pretty haggard, huffing and puffing."

"He made a comment like, 'Holy s**t, this girl is struggling.' We got closer and realized it was her."

"Long awkward pause. 'Well, I’m going to have to break up with her,' he said."

"Fast forward six months, and we ran into her at a pub, and she was in absolutely perfect shape."

"When he tried to make a move, she told him aloud, in front of a table full of her friends, 'That she wasn’t interested in him, and that he had dumped her for getting fat.' Top five funniest takedowns I’ve ever seen."

"Fast forward 10 years, he’s been divorced twice and has had a long list of s**tty relationships. The end."

- Much_Progress_4745

Conspiracy Theory Investment

"If they’re into conspiracy theories. I dated a guy who was and it consumed his life. It’s all he talked about."

"I couldn’t even watch a movie with him because he would talk through the whole thing about how it relates to certain conspiracy theories…"

"I also could never enjoy my food. We would make a big dinner on Friday nights to start the weekend, we both had a long day at work... we’d sit down to finally eat and he’d pull out his phone and put on conspiracy videos, and he’d make me watch them sooo loudly while I ate. And he’d talk through all of them too."

"I could never tell him that I wasn’t interested or I just wanted to eat because he’d get mad. It ruined my whole meal... I think most people like to eat in peace.. also he’d spend hundreds of items he needed in case we ever got attacked by 'skin walkers'... Never again."

- Low-Sky-4812

Eating Noises

"They slurp when they drink or smack when they eat."

- just-say-it-

"Soup should be seen and not heard."

- Playful-Profession-2

Same Names, Same Problems

"I will never date or f**k another Anthony ever again. I’ve dated or had a relationship with three different Anthonys at three different ages and they all turned out badly."

- SylphofBlood

"I had a friend years back that had three bad boyfriends, one after the other, each more of a D-bag than the last. Each one was named Rob."

"When talking to her one night, having a few beers, she complained that she always attracts d**kheads and then she asked what she should do. So having had a drink or six, I just blurted out, 'Maybe don't date anymore Robs.'"

"Anyway, the next guy she dated was Steve... they got married."

- vejbok

Love for Animals

"My cat said hello to her and she didn't say hi back."

- StephenHawkings_Legs

"I had a one-night stand kick my cat off of the bed. First, never ever have I kicked a cat. But I did kick that guy out of my house and my life. Instantly. GET THE F**K OUT. NOW."

- e11spark

"Not petty. If someone ignored my dog greeting them, I would be put off, too."

- A-Yandere-Succubus

Unexpected Sleeping Arrangements

"He slept in those tiny no-show socks. Let me be clear, he didn't wear them any other time than when he went to bed."

"There were some other, more real, red flags, but when I saw him whip them out and put them on the second time we slept together, I legitimately thought to myself: 'Actually, I don't think I can fix this one.'"

- Potential-Plastic-66

Matching Clothes

"He wore the same shirt on both of our dates.

Get this, years later, I get into the elevator at work and he's there. IN THE SAME SHIRT."

"I wanted so badly to demand to know if he has multiples or just one! Or find out which department he was in and stalk him. Unfortunately, I had given in my two weeks and didn't work in that building often."

- SunflowerSeed33

Different Interests

"If a woman has a horse in her dating profile, you will never be more important than that horse."

"(It may be petty, but it's backed up by personal experience)."

- No-Hat-689

"Horse girls do really love their horses, so I believe you. And I can't blame you."

- dumpster_cherries

"Worst of all, if you break up with the girl you won't be able to see the horse again! Imagine how heartbreaking that would be."

- one-eye-fox

Social Media Schemes

If they have emojis like their signs, or money signs, or airplanes, or some s**t like that in their bio. Just seems like some scammer or Ponzi scheme s**t."

- UrinePulp

Weakness?

"Wasn't me, but a female friend broke up with a guy because 'his allergies were a sign of weakness.'"

"Yeah, I responded the same way you did."

- Street-Comb1000

"My brother believes this about my allergies. He thinks I 'shoulda grown out of it by now.' Infuriating."

- I_Stan_Kyrgyzstan

Finals Week Troubles

​"Because her eye was twitching while we were talking to each other. I was a dumb freshman in college. This girl was super attractive and smart, and we got along great."

"For some unfathomable reason, this made me want to not talk to her again."

"Later it dawned on me that it was during finals and she was heavily caffeinated and that can be a side effect. She dodged a bullet because I was a complete dingleberry, lol (laughing out loud)."

- Atlas88-

Deal-breaking Voices

"I briefly dated a young woman who was insanely out of my league. People stared when we went out."

"Anyway, her voice was like Minnie Mouse, and I just couldn't take it. I still feel bad about that one."

- Pickleliver

Dental Preferences

​"Not me, but I had a friend who wouldn’t date this guy because he had one crooked tooth. He was the nicest guy truly a wonderful person. Like if I hadn’t been in a serious relationship I would’ve dated this guy."

"Fast forward, he meets a wonderful woman, and they get married, and my friend was all weird about it."

"I asked why and she said, 'Well, I thought he liked me enough to get his twisted tooth fixed.'"

"It was the silliest thing I’ve ever heard."

- Foxy_locksy1704

Preferred Facial Features

"I knew and almost dated a girl who talked out the side of her mouth. I’m not sure if that’s the best way to describe it, but that’s all I thought about when she spoke."

"Like, the front of her lips barely moved, and it was like a weird little smirk kinda thing when she spoke. I couldn’t get past it."

- newadventures96

"Weird ick: people with big/wide mouths. Why can I see all of your teeth and the back of your throat while you’re talking? You don’t need to open it that much just because you can."

- burritoboles

When one Redditor wanted to hear others' "petty" reasons for not wanting to date someone, their fellow Redditors really delivered. While some of these could simply be a matter of taste, like finding some facial features attractive where others do not, some of these, like allergies, are pretty, pretty petty.