Cars are great since they allow humans to be mobile across long distances.
However, cars are not great in the sense that they require constant maintenance and they can sustain damage in ways you didn't even think was possible.
At some point, everybody has brought in their car to a mechanic and said, "are you serious?" at the thing that needs to be fixed.
These are their stories.
A quora question asked:
Here were some of the answers.
This literally happened to me this week!
A little back story before we get to the juicy parts!
Last week I was running errands and I came back to the car which had unashamedly urinated itself in the car park.
I took a quick peek under the car and established that it was my car that had some incontinence issues.
Against all healthcare advice and warning labels, I dipped my finger in the puddle and tasted. It tasted sweet so I knew it was coolant.
There was coolant still left in the expansion tank so I drove it home and let it sit for a few hours. I then checked the expansion tank for signs of oily residue as that would indicate it is a head gasket issue.
Thankfully, there was none.
I then pressure tested the system and it seemed to hold pressure so that led me to believe it was a leaky radiator.
Normally I would do repairs myself but changing a radiator is a b*tch, so I elected to take it to a garage.
My normal mechanic was away but there was someone there I presume filling in for him.
I told him what the issue was and left it with him.
Now the juicy part!
He calls me back soon after to tell me I need the head gasket changing (much more expensive than a radiator change) and I assure him it does not.
So I go down to the garage where he condescendingly explains there is oily residue in the expansion tank.
I tell him I checked for that and it was not.
He pops the bonnet and lo and behold there is oily residue in the tank but also oily residue all over the cap.
I start the car and rev it high to check if there is any smoke with a whitish tint. Thankfully, there was none.
I outright told him if he was going to try to con me; he should have at least washed his hands before touching the cap to add a little oil.
Words can not describe how the colour drained from his face!
Never try to hustle a hustler!
From The Other Side
Thanks for the A2A. Since I was a mechanic for most of my life I am going to answer this from the other side.
This happened many years ago when I was working as a commissioned technician at an independent tire shop. A customer asked for a brake inspection on his 1970 ish station wagon. We did free brake inspections so that meant all the time it took me to test drive, rack up the vehicle, inspect and estimate the job was unpaid. Normally this would take about 15 minutes so it was not a big deal but if the car needed a lot of work we could kill 30 to 60 minutes just coming up with an estimate to repair.
When I climbed in I could tell the guy was living in the car. It was packed with clothes and everything the guy owned. As I pulled the car out of the parking space the brakes were grinding badly so a test drive was out of the question.
When I pulled the car onto the rack I heard something fall. I got out and looked under the car and found a big puddle of gas. I thought maybe I had ripped out the fuel line so I racked the car and started my brake inspection by looking at the fuel line. This car had a metal fuel line that ran from the tank to the engine. It was so rusty and corroded that fuel was leaking out at several points along the line. So the customer had tied tin cans to the fuel line and would collect the fuel. I immediately went and talked to the customer. He was pissed that I had spilled his gas. What the hell? You're driving around in a fire trap and your mad at me? The poor guy was so down on his luck that he would collect the leaking fuel so he could pour it back into the tank. This whole situation was so dangerous that I was speechless. I had no idea what to say to the guy so I went back to finish inspecting the car.
At this point I knew the guy would not be able to repair his vehicle. Just from the bad grinding noise I heard he was looking at at least several hundred dollars to repair the brakes. Then we still had to address the fuel leaks. I felt really bad for the guy. Everything I looked at was completely worn out. Front and rear brakes were metal on metal. None of the rotors or drums could be saved. Brake hoses were badly cracked. Wheel cylinders were leaking. The whole fuel line needed replacing. It all came to a couple thousand dollars just to make it safe.
When I presented the estimate the guy got pretty mad. At first I thought he was mad at me but he was mad at himself for not being able to get out of the hole life had dealt him. I was pretty young at the time and had never really struggled in life. I had never been fired and could always find enough work to get by. I could always make rent and buy food. This was a side of life I had not really seen close up. It reminded me of when we studied the great depression in school. This guy wanted to work but couldn't find a job. Now his car was broken down so finding work just got harder.
The customer wanted to drive the car but we told him it was too unsafe, he would have to tow it away. He told us he needed to sleep in it tonight but would have it towed the next day so we pushed it out into the parking lot. We knew he would just drive away as soon as we closed but felt so bad for the guy we did not call the police to report it. I hope he was finally able to get back on his feet. I never saw him again.
We Know It
I had bought a brand new 2007 Silverado and it was a super nice truck. About a year after purchase, after a cold rainy day, the truck was almost dead! The only thing that happened when the ignition key was turned was that the theft alarm went off. Nothing else worked. No starter, lights, radio, nothing. Later on that day, the truck started and worked just as if nothing had happened. During the next year, it was towed 10 times to the shop after it rained and they had no idea what was wrong, because every time they had it, after a short while, it would suddenly start and be perfectly normal. This happened many times before my wife called the regional manager and complained about the inability of the Chevy to fix their own truck. One of the times that it had been dead at the shop, the mechanic said he had never seen anything like it because all of the 22 computers in the truck were unresponsive, until they all came on line and worked. After her call to the regional manager, we were quickly contacted by the dealer who told us to bring in the truck and they would give us a loaner vehicle until the truck was repaired.
We dropped off the truck for the 13th time, and about three days later, I got a call to come in they had fixed the truck. They had changed out the ignition switch, the computer, and several other things, all at no charge under warrantee during the last year. I asked if they were sure and he said absolutely. The problem was found, and fixed.
We went over to pick up the truck and asked what the problem was. He explained that while they were looking at the truck, they noticed that one of the lights in the fixture over the truck bed was out, so they were going to fix that. When they took the light fixture out, they noticed that there was some water inside the liner of the cab. They noticed that it had run down over on the drivers side, so they pulled out the liner and in the space between the cab shell and the liner was the little receiver module that monitored the rear tire pressure from the tires. When the mechanic touched it, it was HOT! He immediately realized that the water was shorting it out. They replaced the module and the light fixture and that fixed the issue.
The "You've got to be kidding me" moment came when he explained to me that the basic problem came because the gasket around the light fixture on the back of the cab over the trunk bed had shrunk and allowed water in. All the problems in the whole truck came from a leaking gasket! He said that when the water entered the module, it shorted out the computer system and the truck went dead. When enough water had leaked out of the module, the module quit shorting the computer system and the truck was back to normal.
PS. I kept an eye on that new gasket and about a year later noticed it had shrunk, so I got some black silicone and potted the fixture and have never had another bit of trouble with it.
Two Thousand Over
I took my truck to a mechanic shop because when I stepped on the clutch it made a grinding noise. I thought it would be a throw out bearing but I had no time to take it apart because I was working out of town. A week later when I came to pick up my truck the shop told me it was still making noise but it was a different noise. It wasn't any different. I left the truck there another week. After two weeks I came back to pick up the truck, They told me they had changed clutch and pressure plate, throw out bearing, clutch pivot and clutch arm but it was still making the same noise. They kept it another week.
When I came back the third week to pick up my truck a mechanic that worked there told me that a lock washer had came lose from the starter and lodged between the clutch and pressure plate, when they removed the lock washer it stopped making noise. I told him that the shop told me they replaced the clutch and pressure plate the first week, how could the new clutch and pressure plate have a noise if it were replaced? He just rolled his eyes.
When I went to the counter my bill was 2400.00. I told the supervisor about the lock washer story and that I wanted my old parts as is state law. He told me the old parts were thrown out and would not release my truck back to me. I called the Better Business Bureau and they told me I only had to pay for the parts that were returned to me and if I had to rent a vehicle to commute to work I could sue the mechanic shop. They also called the shop to get the other side of the story and called me back to say the shop would release my truck and negotiate a new bill. The bill I agreed to was 300.00. As I left the supervisor said" Don't ever bring your vehicles back" It also sold tires and there was a crowd in the display area. I replied" You lied to me, to charged me for work you did not do, your not the only shop in town and your not any good, I would never come back. If I didn't call the Better Business Bureau, you would have stolen more from me"
The shop closed two months later.
Ain't Too Proud
I grew up in a garage and seen many things through the years, but the best "you've got to be kidding me" moment came when I worked as an admissions coordinator at a skilled nursing facility. An elderly man came into my office asking for a coat hanger because he had locked his keys in his car. I was busy, so I couldn't help him but I did give him a hanger to attempt to unlock his doors of his station wagon.
The man was parked right in front of my office window so I watched the old guy struggle for a good 45 minutes trying to unlock his door with that hanger. I felt sorry for the man and guilty I Hadn't gone to help him. I went outside and offered to try. It's not the first door I've ever had to unlock for somebody.
i wiggled the wire, twisting and turning, trying to get the tip around the door handle, but I couldn't quite get it. If the wire was bent slightly different, I could make it work. I had pliers in my truck about six parking spaces away. I told the man that I could grab my pliers to reshape the bend and I would have him unlocked in just a few minutes. He announced "I've got pliers". He went to the back door, opened it, picked up his pliers off the back seat, closed the door and handed me the tool.
??????? "You've got to be kidding me!" I thought it but didn't say it. I opened his back door, reached up and lifted the lock, closed the back door then opened his driver's door. I handed him back his pliers and he said "thank you". I stood back, watched him get in and drive away….wow!
ive got a couple more that I will share in another post that are truly worthy mechanic moments.
I was busy at work and had no time to work on the wife's car. So I took it to the local dealer for a brake job and to tighten the steering wheel. It had tilt and telescoping features and the bolts had come loose. Takes two special tools to fix that I did not have and I was working 60 hours a week plus. The dealer tells me they must do a frontend alignment anytime they repair any steering part. Steering wheel being a steering part. It had been a while and just had new tires put on, so what the hell. do it. It took them 10 days to do the work. I went to get it and it had brake fluid dripping off the wheels and fender. And the tires squealed as I turned onto the pavement. I turned around and went back. The service manage told me I must have hit something and knocked it out of alignment.
Oh and it pulled hard to one side when I hit the brakes. They wanted to charge me again to "fix" it. They tried to baffle me with "front end jargon". Stopped when I corrected them on what toe in, camber, and caster were. I explained for two years I did their frontend alignments at a different shop. Seems their GM Certified guys could not pull off an alignment then. I took it to another shop, they had almost a 1/2 inch of toe in on a Camaro. They did not have a vacuum brake bleeder, so just let the fluid drool on the rotors and wheels, which them blew down the lower fenders. A short piece of hose and a beer can would have prevented that. I would have loaned them my bleeder if I would have known. Problem with the brakes was one side had OEM pads, the other had high performance pads. Both sides being soaked in fluid did not help. I cleaned everything up, replaced the pads, took it to another shop for an alignment, had them print out before and after specs. Went back to dealer and demanded I get at least my cost of the alignment back and offered to train their mechanics. I got their check for alignment. Oh, and they cracked the steering column when they "fixed" it.
I was a broke, starving college student in 1992, driving a red 1985 VW Scirocco with 200,000+ miles on it that I'd picked up for $2k. It ran well for me and got me through college and then some, although I never could seem to get the backup lights to work (VW electrical gremlins). One time the tailpipe broke off the muffler so I stopped in at a Midas to see if they could weld on a new tailpipe. They threw "Red Rocco" up on the lift, took a quick look, came and informed me the muffler was completely rusted through and couldn't be repaired. I asked to see it but could not see any rust or holes from my view below. The mechanic and two other shop guys proceeded to reach up on top of the muffler, feeling around, saying, oh yeah it's all rusted through up here. Ok, how much? They go look it up, run the numbers and come back with, "$400, and we can do it right now!" I say, I don't have that kind of money right now, I'll just have to drive it as-is. They offered a special discount, right now only, $50 off, and they said I could post date a check, to help me out.
I again declined and asked for my car. On the way home, I happened to see a small, independent muffler shop and wondered what they might charge to replace my "completely rusted through" muffler. The guy says, let me take a look at it and comes back in and informs me the muffler is fine, and that he can weld a tailpipe on for $10 in about 5–10 minutes, if I can wait.
Back in the 80's I had a lady come in complaining her car wouldn't go over 30 mph. After making all the obvious checks, scope the cap rotor, wires etc.. I checked the condition and level of the transmission fluid. All was normal. I turned the engine off waited a couple of minutes and checked the oil.
To my shock and surprise, the oil level was within 2″ of the dipstick handle, and like new condition. I called her back out to show her what I had found. Her explanation was that being a used car it would leak or burn oil and she would need to add oil between changes.
Long story short, she had added a qt. a day for 7 or 8 days. She had never figured out how to check the oil so she followed someones directions.
I remedied the situation by draining like 13 or 14 qts and doing a complete oil change service. Car had no visible leakage like front or rear main seal like a lot of cars did and wasn't burning oil either. I grabbed her and we test drove the car and the 350 cid Chevy was back to normal with plenty of power and speed.
She was so happy, she gave me a $25.00 tip, a lot of money for that time.
The 2nd weird situation was when a rather large woman came in with a brand new Monte Carlo SS for it's 1st ever oil change. When I got in to drive the car into the garage,I hit the gas pedal and I went straight almost into the back seat. She had actually broken the mounting bolts for the drivers seat, What a laugh we had after work having a beer….
Many years ago I had taken my Toyota Corolla in to a chain place for an oil change. We lived in apartments and had no place to DIY. Anyway, I left it there while I went to work with the wife. At the end of the day they called and said there had been an "issue" but that had taken care of it for me at no charge.
My heart sank. All I could imagine was my car falling off the lift or something catastrophic. The manager met with me and showed me my car. He said they had noticed a lot of wear to me tires which they felt was unusual as I had bought them at that store only a few months prior. They did some investigating and found that the tire guy who had installed them (he had since been fired) had dropped the head alignment machine without reporting it and my new tires had been misaligned causing unusual wear. Thus, they went ahead and replaced the two fronts with new tires and realigned all four at no cost.
Shout out to a fine crew at that shop. I am sure they are long gone by now. That was about 20 years ago.
Back In Alignment
When I went to pick my truck up from an alignment shop and they hadn't replaced my steering components that were dangerously worn out. The feller doing the work supposedly had 10 years experience in this field. Yet he claimed that the stubborn parts had been on there " Too long to be replaced." I had to have this done, as it was on my source of living. I walked back to my welding truck and unspooled the torch lead and cut the bad parts out of his way, cleaned up the threads where every new component would be installed, and helped him fit everything up. Then he aligned it. I walked back up to the service manager payout and they quietly rang me up for the original bill. I looked him in the eye saying nothing until he looked away and wrote the check.
Wear And Ne'erGiphy
When my Toyota Camry reached 60K miles, I promptly got the timing belt replaced at a dealer in Atlanta.
Less than 5,000 miles later, while driving to Orlando (about 500miles away) I noticed that the car would vibrate when pressing on gas and would immediately stop when gas pedal was not pressed.
Upon reaching Orlando, I took it to a local Toyota dealer for investigation and was told that the axel needs to be changed. The service advisor also said that the timing belt and water pump are showing signs of wear and should be replaced.
That was my "are you kidding me moment"
Continued showing my ignorance on cars, I asked him to show me the wear and he took me to the car and tried to find a fresh oil spot, but failed. I knew enough that timing belt is not visible and is a big job to access the belt.
I told him that I was a bit low on money and requested him to write his advice on the service report, which he kind of brushed off.
Had he given me a report, I would have taken it to Toyota corporate.
Getting Away With Murder
I've always been lucky in this respect. I'm 6th generation living in a small agriculture community in Northern California. If you don't run a honest and upstanding business, you will starve to death. So when I take my car ,truck or motorcycle in for service I know with out a doubt my mechanic is giving me the straight skinny .
But to answer your question, the first time I took my new Mazda 626 in for a tune up. The price tag was $350. Well like I said I don't question the mechanics honesty. I just thought maybe he'd made a mistake. But true to life that's what it cost you to do a tuneup on a modern car (1986). In the past I had always done the maintenance on all our family and farm vehicles. I don't think I ever spent over $35 on point, plugs, oil & filters. Nowadays I'd feel lucky to get off for $300!
The Bolt Inside
Many years ago I had a friend who was rebuilding an old 1950s motorbike. He came over to my house almost in tears, seems he had dropped a bolt into the engine. Now he had to strip the engine to get the offending bolt out. I asked if I could have a look and see if I had any ideas. Went back to his house and there sitting on the ground is the engine, Took a look, and down inside the engine is a bolt sitting on the cam follower. Next question, "is there any oil in the crankcase?". Was told there is no oil in the engine which is just as well as he would have to drain it out to strip the engine.
I then gave him a long slow look, picked up the engine turned it upside down, gave it a gentle shake and the bolt fell out onto the ground. Turned the engine up the right way, put it down and slowly walked away without looking at him or saying a word, just shaking my head as I went. Anther acquaintance who was there told me later the look on my friends face was priceless.
Christmas is upon us. It's time to get those Christmas present lists together.
So... who has been naughty and who has been nice?
Who is getting diamonds and who is getting coal? Yuck, coal. Is that even a thing anymore? Who even started that idea?
There has to be some funnier or more "for the times" type of "you've been naughty" stocking stuffer.
I feel like the statement coal used to make is kind of last century at this point.
Apparently I'm not alone in this thinking.
Case in point...
Redditor rallfreedom wanted us to update Santa's deliveries for the children on the naughty list, they asked:
"Since Santa is old, and coal was considered worthless back in the day, what new worthless item could Santa give to naughty children in 2021?"
If you really wanted to set me off on Christmas morning, then you should leave me something personalized. Something you how I'd hate. Like a cassette tape of 80's Christian soft rock. That would make a statement of just how naughty I've been.
What a DifferenceBlockbuster GIF by Big Potato GamesGiphy
"Blockbuster gift cards." ~ GamerOfGods33
"And still no one will shop at the one franchise location still open." ~ pesto_trap_god
"AOL Internet discs... (actually getting rare these days)." ~ whorton59
"After collecting enough of those AOL discs, I just open a bottle of Tennessee whiskey and make AOL disc fish wall art." ~ ExRockstar
"I wish I still had the picture, but my friend passed onto me a photo of a chair (more like a throne, if I recall) made entirely of AOL discs." ~ PM_MeYourSmilingFace
"Outdated phone chargers." ~ TheBrotherhoods
"A correct phone charger for the device, but it only works in one very specific angle and charges the phone super slow." ~ Karl_the_stingray
"People rave about how good old Nokias were but they forget that if you went up a version like you got upgraded to a 3310 from a 3210 then all your chargers were now something like 0.25mm too small and you had to buy all new ones." ~ erroneousbosh
"We currently misinterpreted what 'naughty kids get coal' originally meant. For a poor family in December, coal was the difference between warmth and freezing, hot food and not. 'Coal' was not something mean. It was like socks, now." ~ adaza
"Exactly. If the child was selfless, they would get a personal gift as a reward. If the child was selfish, they instead would get a gift to be shared with the family, forcing them to be more altruistic." ~ MoobyTheGoldenSock
Necessities...toilet paper help GIFGiphy
"Toilet paper. Just like coal, it's something the whole house needs and will use but is going to be bought anyway. It's also consumable and practical just like coal." ~ NeverGetaSpaceship
I could still use toilet paper. You never know when society is gonna go off into the deep end again and buy it all up. Remember the beginning of Covid?
Spinfidget GIF by Future GenerationsGiphy
"Idk why but I feel like fidget spinners would be pretty infuriating to the masses of children as something that still counts as a gift but is for sure a let down & past trend." ~ mmaster42
Way back when...
"An "Introduction to Windows 95" book." ~ Actual_grass
"There's one of those package shipping stores near me that sells all kinds of miscellaneous stuff. Anything to make a buck. They have a carousel stand with laminated sheets containing tips on how to use various computer programs. Still for sale as of last week: 'Shortcut keys for Windows XP' and 'Tips for using Microsoft Word 2010.'" ~ dartdoug
"He could give kids one of the old cables that was collected over the years but wasn't thrown away because it could need it at some point." ~ CaptWeirdBeard
"I have a tupperware tote full of those things. I'll sell it to Santa for scap value of the copper. You hear that Santa? $5 and it's all yours." ~ GreatJanitor
"A rotary phone." ~ cannotbefaded
"My Grandma had a rotary phone she kept(still worked so why not) as well as having a cordless phone. Had a relative that wanted to use the rotary phone the one time just to use it instead, decided they didn't want to do that again." ~ golden_fli
"Okay, I actually like rotary phones. I was young enough to remember using rotary phones and preferred using them to touch tone phones. Only because it was fun to spin the dial and watch it spin back into place." ~ GreatJanitor
So close...ronald mcdonald mcdonalds GIFGiphy
"McDonald's toys from 2 years ago. Old enough to not be popular trends, but new enough to not be collector's items." ~ GavinSnowe
McDonald's still has toys? Who knew? And those fidget spinners, how did anyone ever enjoy those? That would set me off as well.
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I admit, I love my stuffed animals. They're the best.
Some of them have been with me for years and I have them proudly displayed in different spots around my apartment. And when I've packed them for a move, I've done so with all the tender loving care I can muster.
What is it about them that stirs up these feelings?
Believe it or not, it's quite possible to form emotional attachments to inanimate objects!
People told us all about their own feelings after Redditor MoneySquare5734 asked the online community:
"People of Reddit, what weird sympathies do you have towards inanimate objects?"
"Computers when someone's throwing a fit or tantrum over something like a game lag, buffering or general software issues. Like dude, get angry at the real cause not the hardware thats essentially just the messenger."
We really mistreat our hardware sometimes, don't we? Going to apologize to my computer now.
"I think we're okay now..."
"I once slapped my iPad when it was being slow, then instinctively hugged it and apologised afterwards. I think we’re okay now but the level of trust definitely isn’t what it used to be."
Serves you right! You have a lot to make up for!
"I have way too much emotion..."
"I have way too much emotion invested in my Roomba. Especially as I only have one charging station, so when it's running in my living room/hallway, it can never get back to base as there's a step in the way."
"Usually feel guilty when I come home and find it stuck in some corner, knowing that it literally ran until exhaustion trying to find its home."
I do not have a Roomba but my friend has one and I think he has the opposite reaction. I think he mistreats his!
"All my dollar bills..."
"All my dollar bills need to face up in my wallet, otherwise I get the feeling those Georges and Lincolns are uncomfortable."
I think I do this too. I did not ask to be attacked like this.
"If I see..."
"If I see a really ugly plush toy at a thrift store, I feel compelled to buy it because I feel like it will just get thrown away. So now I have quite a few ugly plushies. I love them."
Aww, they now have a home with you and they must be so happy!
"I guess in general..."
"Abandoned toys. I guess in general I just feel so bad for any inanimate object that is no longer serving its purpose."
How many toys end up in the dump each year, I wonder? And how many of them are plotting their revenge as we speak?
"So I transferred everything..."
"I got a new cellphone not too long ago. So I transfered everything to my new phone but I didn't turn off the old phone afterward."
"This happened late on a Sunday and the next morning my old phone still rang to wake me up and I was somewhat sad that it still thought it was my current phone and that it still had the duty to wake me in the morning."
The feelings this stirred up... I did not know it was possible to feel this way!
"I am very appreciative..."
"Sometimes I give my car a pat on the dashboard and say thank you. It has carried me so many thousands of miles and i am safe. I am very appreciative of its hard work."
Aww. I don't have a car, but I get this! And your car appreciates YOU!
"When I was a kid..."
"When I was a kid I spent a whole afternoon feeding pebbles to a small drain outside my house because I thought it was hungry."
Okay, this is cute – and totally something a little kid would do!
"There's a thing I call..."
"There’s a thing I call 'mechanical empathy.' If you emotionally attach to your bike or car you’ll be kinder and more gentle to it."
"Some people are really rough on cars and other machinery, it’s painful to drive with them."
I was in a car recently with a driver who got a bad case of road rage and just slammed her hands on the dashboard whenever she was upset. That poor car!
Who knew we could feel so attached to the inanimate objects around us? Humans are fascinating creatures. We're capable of a lot of love and empathy, even for the smallest things.
Have some opinions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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They say your 30's hits different, like one day you're young a hopeful and the next day you're just WAY too old for this.
What is the "this" you're suddenly too old for?
No idea. It's different for everyone, but make no mistake, it'll happen to you too.
Maybe it already has?
Reddit user BMA1500 asked:
"What sh*t are you too old for?"
Let's take a look at how "too old" hit these Reddit users.
"Arguing with ignorant people on the internet."
"I have no patience or bandwidth to argue with random a-holes on social. Learned that lesson a long time ago."
"Too many fakes and bots now anyway. I am pretty much a 'read only' user of other platforms and only share opinions in person on polarizing issues."
"Petty games while talking to a potential partner."
"Just be straight up and real with me. Tricks are for kids."
"I've always felt this way."
"I remember when one of my girls explained the concept of 'playing hard to get' to me and I was annoyed just hearing it."
"If I have to chase you, that means you’re running away, and I don’t have time for that. If you seem uninterested, I’ll take it on the chin and leave you alone."
"If you like me just say that. If you don’t like me just say that. It’s not hard and moves the process along much faster."
"If you text me and I’m free, I’m going to text back. I’m not going to wait three hours for aesthetic purposes."
"The list goes on."
Cut That Out
"This sounds like some Instagram motivational sh*t, but spending time around people that I genuinely don't like or who make me unhappy and uncomfortable."
"There's so short of a time we have on this Earth and it just hit me right before I turned 30 that I spent a ton of that time with people who I thought sucked."
"I cut that out and I'm much happier."
"I realized this at my cousins wedding. I had a family member walk up to me flat out call me ugly, fat and say that I wasn’t the “good” family guy anymore."
"What!?!? Why would you even say that?? And they said it with a smile on their face the whole time..."
"After that night I haven’t spoken to them in 2 years and I’m super happy! I’m too f*cking old to be dealing with that nonsense for the rest of my life."
"It takes days to recover now, and most bad hangovers come with an existential crisis attached."
"When I was young I remember times I'd have a day off from work and be like 'Hell yeah, I'm gonna get trashed and play video games all night it's gonna be great!' "
"Now it's like "Great, I'm 3 drinks in and I'm just tired & have heart burn.' "
"It's not the same."
"I used to work 12-9pm, party the entire night. And then be back to work like a pro."
"If this was a Friday, partying used to resume Saturday afternoon. That was my early 20s."
"In my 30s now, and I wait for Fridays so that I can be dead on my bed the entire Saturday."
"The existential crisis is the worst. Just lying there wondering what the hell you are doing with your life, what came to this and when you are going to grow out of it."
"Then it passes and life goes on."
"General admission tickets. My old ass requires a reserved seat."
"Hahaha… last gen admission show I went to I had to find a 'comfortable' wall to lean on."
"When it comes to music festivals, the wife and I go for VIP just so we can get fancier washrooms and shorter lines at the food trucks."
"I agree but, man, it makes feel like I’m a spectator at at a concert and not part of the real party down on the floor."
"There comes an age when you have to consider... 'Do I really care what kind of clickbait sh*t my high school friends who I never talk to and never will see, likes?' "
"I only had Facebook because it helped with socializing in college/high school, but afterwards it's really hard to want to add new friends because they can see your history, and you can too."
"Honestly, the only reason why I have a Facebook is because I still have my mom as my friend and she passed 4 years ago."
"Every time I go on there, I'm tired now."
"I deleted Facebook three years ago."
"Found out all my Marine Corps buddies were either total idiots, painfully stereotypical post-9/11 veterans, ill-informed political junkies, and mostly people I haven't had anything to do with in years."
"Moving or helping other people move. Just no."
"I've moved a lot of times and have helped many people move."
"One of the best decisions I've ever made was hiring movers. 300 bucks for the big stuff is money extremely well spent."
"I've broken my body helping people move because I'm the 'young and strong guy' in the friend group. Way too many times now. F*ck that sh*t, hire movers."
"I can agree with this."
"I used to work as a mover for a couple summers and I don't even want to move myself lmao."
Not The Cool Old Guy
"I told myself when I get older I need to be open minded and not the close minded grumpy old man..."
"Then I see all these obviously staged videos and corny dancing/lip syncing stuff and realize it’s inevitable I am not gonna be the cool old guy."
"I have this exact same process with TikTok."
"I think to myself, 'I’m really the bitter old woman I said I would never be, aren’t I?' Lol"
"I’ve downloaded TikTok at least 3 times and deleted it almost immediately."
"I am drawing a line at TikTok. I’m old."
Since We're Talking About TikTok...
"When Macy's Thanksgiving Parade performers are introduced as "TikTok sensation" without any other credentials worth mentioning."
"I think the only performer I knew yesterday was Kelly Rowland because of Destiny’s Child."
"My google search history is full of my confusion."
"Oh man I’m so glad we missed the parade then. Maybe I’m just too old but that would’ve been cringe."
Why Are We Screaming?
"People (mainly young girls) who scream for no reason."
"I understand if you're terrified of something, but screaming when you meet up with your friends or just when the situation does not call for it makes me SO mad. I find it so infuriating."
"Just shut up. Lol."
"My kids learned a very long time ago not to scream like that. I hate excessive loud noise in any environment, but it’s especially nerve wracking in close quarters."
"My Mother-in-Law will have a dinner every so often for the family to get together. My husbands brother’s kids are so freaking annoying like this."
"We’re having pizza? Scream."
"We’re baking cookies? Scream."
"Someone found you in hide and seek? Scream."
"I’ve been too old for that since I was 6. Shit was ALWAYS annoying."
Real talk, apparently I'm *very* old going by the stuff on this list.
I'm gonna need to go sit with that for a bit... let me go turn on the seat warmer so my bones aren't stiff when I stand up later.
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Do all mothers go to the say mom school or something? Because they seem to share the same advice or go on the same platitudes, don't they?
Here's an idea.
Maybe they're just older, have more experience, and are trying to keep us from being dumbasses in public. At least, that's what I think.
I'm definitely grateful for my mother's advice—it's saved me more than once—and it seems many out there are too. And they all seem to have heard the same things from their mothers, too.
Any of these sound familiar? They probably do, and we heard all about them after Redditor lame_excuses asked the online community,
"What are some things all moms say?"
"I'll go first..."
"I'll go first: 'So if your friend jumped off a cliff would you jump off too?"
Okay, my mother did not say this, but all my friends' mothers did.
"We have fun."
"My mom always made me put on a coat when we went outside, even if I wasn't cold, simply because she was cold."
"Now that I'm an adult, she no longer tells me this but instead I complain about being cold and ask, indignantly, why no one told me to put in a coat."
"We have fun."
I want a documentary crew to follow you both around. It'd be hilarious.
"I credit George Carlin for all of these."
"When you lose something."
- Have you tried looking for it?
- Have you looked everywhere?
- Well, it didn't just get up and walk away.
"I credit George Carlin for all of these."
George Carlin knew what he was talking about. RIP.
"You know Glynis? She's your aunt's mother-in-law's close friend. Anyway, she died last week."
"I have eyes..."
"I have eyes in the back of my head."
"My mom used to say that to my sister and I so we wouldn't be sneaky behind her back. One day she was washing the dishes and I came up behind her with my two fingers and poked her right where I assumed her back eyes would be. She shouted, 'Ouch!' I believed her for years!!"
I was convinced of this too! Damn, my mother was good.
"I had some friends over..."
"I had some friends over when I was a teenager, and I bet them I could get my mom to say the word 'food.'"
"Hey, mom, what's for dinner?"
"Worked every time."
You both clearly planned this!
"When at the billing counter..."
"When at the billing counter every mom has the maternal instinct to say - 'Just stay in the line, I need to go grab a few more things.'"
This is my mother.
How many times have I dealt with this?!
“It’s because you didn’t drink enough water."
BUT I DO!!
"If you have siblings..."
"If you have other siblings and they’re trying to yell at you they will call you by all your other siblings' names before they get to yours. Usually starting with the oldest and working their way backwards."
Good thing my family was small!
"My Mum used to use it all the time..."
"'Soon.'" An indeterminate time frame from 5 minutes to several hours. My Mum used to use it all the time to deflect stupid questions like 'When is dinner?'"
"Answer: she always, always served it around 6 pm."
It's true! My mother would do this – and still does this. And we definitely don't eat as early as that!
Confirmed: All mothers meet for the annual mother convention to say all–and I do mean ALL–of these things to their kids.
Anything missing, though? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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