People value honesty but it's pretty difficult to be truthful to ourselves all the time. And while most of us abhor outright lies, sometimes we just can't help convincing ourselves something is true, even when it's not.
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
This works precisely never.Giphy
I don't need to write this down, I'll remember it.
Unhappy with your partner? Dig yourself in deeper.Giphy
Adding more responsibility will fix a marriage/relationship. Things suck? Have a baby
Still sucks? Buy a house together
Still sucks? Time for another baby.
Sometimes entrenching your lives closer together doesn't work. Sometimes you have to step away.
It's not like we go to meetings...Giphy
"I'm not an alcoholic."
Yeah, sure, everybody keeps vodka in the washing machine, Mom.
Looking at you, Virginia and New Jersey.Giphy
I'm a good driver, it's everyone else who is terrible.
There are never enough McNuggets.Giphy
I'm only going to get the 6 chicken nuggets meal at McDonald's and not the 10.
Actually... this isn't a lie.Giphy
"Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat, but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires."
Right, "healthy" people *never* just keel over.Giphy
You're only as healthy as you feel.
Learn how to be happily single before seeking a relationship.Giphy
"Being in a relationship will complete me and fix my life."
No, it won't. Get your life together, improve yourself.
This is skilled lying.Giphy
Kids have the worst lies. My niece made a bowl of ice cream for herself when she wasn't allowed to. When confronted she said the cat made the bowl and ate it, not her.
What other choice is there?Giphy
"Everything's going to be okay, it'll all work out in the end." I'm a single mom and this little mantra has gotten me through some times that I didn't think I'd make it out. But it's okay everything will work out in the end because it has to, I have no other option.
Eavesdropping used to refer to the water dropping from literal eaves on a house. It later became a nickname, "eavesdropper," meaning someone who stood under the eaves to overhear a conversation.
Now, we have eavesdropping, meaning "to listen secretly to what is said in public," and Redditors have heard some pretty f*cked up things in public.
It's often something in passing that seems completely inappropriate even in the right context.
Redditor everlovingburns asked:
"What’s the most f*cked up thing you’ve overheard someone say in public?"
Here are some of the best - or worst - comments depending on how you look at it.
Cussing out a 12-year-old.
"Heard a woman quietly cussing out her daughter at a train station, calling her a b*tch and a sl*t. Daughter couldn't have been older than 12. She was just taking it in. Staring straight ahead, completely silent."
"People wonder why their kids just leave them to die alone and never contact them again as soon as they can leave."
"My mam has done something similar in a really busy train station and pushed me against the wall. No one helped. They just watched it happen and it's a moment that sits in my head rent free. There's plenty of other things she's done and she wonders why we aren't close."
Jim pooped on her lawn.
"'Listen I know Jim is homeless but that doesn't mean he can sh*t on my lawn.'"
"'I'll talk to him.'"
"I'm not homeless, the world is my home! And your yard is my bathroom."
Not the most scientifically accurate statement.
"I was on a Greyhound. A guy a few rows back was loudly talking on the phone about his cheating ex-girlfriend who said she was pregnant. He said that he knew she was lying because she has AIDS and everyone knows that when a person with AIDS gets pregnant, 'The AIDS eats the baby.'"
"Honestly greyhounds are absolutely wild for the stuff you’ll overhear. Entertaining and traumatic in one cheap ticket."
Admitted to killing the dog.
"Woman on her phone calmly telling her boyfriend that she was the one who gave his dogs antifreeze and that he was a wuss for crying over them dying."
"I'm not saying she should've been hit by a car, I'm just saying I would understand if it happened."
"My daughter just had a baby, I must go over and visit.. and poison their dog."
"Is that the lady from the anti freeze in the other comment?"
"Think we solved a few mysteries here on Reddit today."
"'Well dear, I don't care what your thoughts are. I banged your cousin and she is a fire crotch.'"
"I'm not sure how that phone call ended, but I remember passing the guy leaving a restaurant and trying not to die laughing."
"Whatever happens, Christmas dinner with the family won't be boring this year."
At the Cedar Rapids IHOP.
"IHOP, Cedar Rapids, Iowa. 'So the SECOND time I got stabbed...'"
"Man, in an IHOP? That sounds like a Waffle House conversation if I’ve ever heard one."
A boy in hysterics.
"I was in line for a scary ride at a theme park. A little boy was in the row next to me, in hysterics about not wanting to get on. His father was visibly angry, telling him to 'man up.' It was the first time they had gone when the boy was tall enough to ride but it was clear he wasn't mature enough to actually enjoy it. When it came time for them to board, the man dragged the kid to his seat and buckled him in while the kid was screaming. Why they didn't remove them both I'll never understand."
"Former ride operator. I would pull scared little kids off rides because 'I didn't want them to have a medical emergency.'"
"It usually worked. Sometimes they'd call for a supervisor and I'd get the a**hole who wouldn't back me up, but that was rare."
Casual support of Hitler.
"'Hitler should've finished the job.' Russian student to his Polish professor in a Canadian college class."
"If Hitler had finished the job there would be no Russian around lol."
With seven billion people on the planet, we are bound to hear some pretty f*cked up conversations.
Even if you weren't trying to eavesdrop on someone's conversation, this might make you think twice next time you want to overhear someone's conversation.
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Unfortunately, we as people are capable of doing some pretty awful things. Worst of all, we are capable of doing said awful things to each other--to other humans, whose suffering we understand above all else.
The drive behind these things is unclear, variable, and sometimes totally absent. But hurt people hurt people. It's as simple as that, and sometimes, we are the unfortunate receptor of that hurt.
Redditor Tomato_Shelf asked:
"Whats the worst thing someone has ever done to you?"
Here were some of those answers.
"My parents divorced when I was 7 (my father had an affair), my father remarried and got a new family, my mother remained single and bitter (she still loved him)."
"They always used to argue about whose turn it was to have me, they were trying to spite each other but the only thing that actually happened was that I realised neither of them must of loved me."
"One Christmas Eve when I was 14 they were having the same argument, my dad and his new family were staying in a hotel and told my mum they hadn’t booked a room for me, I walked to my mums and she said it was my dads turn to have me and locked me out."
"I slept in a car park fire hose (it didn’t actually have a fire hose in it). I was so scared and cold (skinny kid) I knew I couldn’t ask my friends to stay because it was Christmas Eve and already close to midnight by this point, I started to cry when the snow started falling at about 3am."
"I wish I had known back then that I could have just called the police but my juvenile brain didn’t know that, I went to live in a children’s home shortly after that and honestly I loved it, I still think of my key worker like my dad, he was great."-ILoveMyCatsSoMuch
Dad Needs Therapy
"Was early high school. Joking around with my father, horrid temper, switch flipped with him."
"He chased me down the hallway, thought we even playing till he pinned me down, hand around my throat strangling me till I passed out."
"Burst blood vessels in my eyes. Had to wear sunglasses for a good week to hide em while at work or elsewhere."-MisterJ33
Bamboozled By Family
"My 60 year old mother in law wanted to sign her house over to us because she has no retirement and no money saved. My wife was pregnant with our second child and she told us she wanted to be a stay at home grandma."
"I would be coming in and paying for everything. So we sold our house, paid off our debt, and cut a check for 54,000.00 dollars to her ex husband, which paid off the house in full."
"Then I made 10,000.00 dollars worth of home repairs. All bills were transferred in my name. When it came to sign the deal, suddenly she didn't want to do it. Told us she wanted things to go back to the way they were."
"My father in law told her well then we need to take out a home equity loan to give then their money back. She refused. The next week she served us an eviction notice and moved her boyfriend she claimed was abusive to her back in 2 days later."
"She threw her own daughter, my 3 year old, and my 3 month old baby on the streets. We tried to reason with her and then she had her lawyer threaten us with a restraining order."
"So now I'm suing her for my money back. Luckily my father in law is on our side and we were able to stay with him for the time being."-BananaSmoothie95
These stories really make you want to trust nobody.
She's The Ex For A Reason
"My ex wife made me believe I was making up all the proof that she was having an affair.. for a couple years."
"I went through therapy and anger management, accepted that I was just a f**ked up person and should have never disrespected my loving wife by accusing her of such things. She pushed all the help on me, praised me, etc."
"Two weeks after we divorced, she cheated on the guy she was dating(another affair dude) with me and admitted to everything. I kicked her out my house immediately."-elagentink
"My stepdad stole two houses, two cars, a scooter and a boat from us when my mother died. He then proceeded to commit perjury and tell the judge that he was broke because he paid me and my sister 60,000 each."
"This got him out of a loan that he had from my aunt, who loaned my mother hundreds of thousands of euro's so she could buy a house."
"Basically he did so much acrobatics that i didn't even get my own bed or clothes back, and he ended up with everything that could remotely be stamped as my mother's property."
"Overall, the worth of everything he stole (not just from my side of the family, but his EX WIFE that he got back to later) is upwards of half a million."
"His wife then ALSO DIES and he takes whatever's left. My lawyer told me i couldn't do anything since now two wives of his died in a three year span and there was no way a judge would look at him and say he owes anyone anything."
"Honestly i think he married my mom and then killed her. The same with his then-ex-but-current-after wife who also died rather quickly."-Toasted_pinapple
The Worst Kind Of Feeling
"Freshman year of college i met a girl and we became best friends. We did everything together. Then one day in class she told me she didn't want to talk she wanted to read. Thats was fine of course. She did that two more days."
"The fourth day she moved her seat from next to me to across the room. I tried to get her attention to talk but she avoided me. Next week we both happened to be washing our hands in the bathroom together."
"I said hi. She acted like i never existed. Soon she left the college. I went to grad school 3 years later (somewhere 2 hrs away) and lo and behold she was in my class."
"We were assigned the same group for a project. She looked uncomfortable and the next time class met, i found that she had dropped it. I never saw her again."
"It hurt me deeply because I had no clue why she did this. We didn't fight. Im not manipulative or catty or anything. This wasn't the worst thing to happen but it definitely ranked up there."-ghostiesontoasties
It reminds you to be thankful of the people you DO still keep around, and reminds you there's probably a reason you have.
The Family Is Often More Worth It
"Dated a woman for a time and eventually got involved with her teen kids and acted in a step parent role for years. Invested tons of my time, energy, and resources into them as a family."
"Then my GF went into a spell of depression and didn't want to do anything or talk about anything. Life went on around her, then when she saw me spending time with the kids instead of sitting on the couch doing and saying nothing like her, she became pathologically jealous and started accusing me of 'having too much interest in young girls.'"
"I spend a LONG time trying to fix and salvage the situation as I felt we were all bonded together as a family. Paid out of pocket for counseling for us, and for her exclusively for a long time after the therapist determined the focus of the problem was not me."
"She NEVER accepted responsibility for her claim and the effects it had. Thought she could just casually dismiss it at will, like she'd claimed I left the toilet seat up one time; thought I was making a 'big deal' out of everything."
"She never spent a second addressing the childhood traumas that openly affected her whenever there was a pinch, even invoking them as an excuse for acting how she did, then pretending they were fixed or nonexistent the 99% of the time she did NOT need to use them to manipulate the situation at hand."
"Finally had to walk away from the situation. Started dating someone else (who was a college debate coach with a PhD in English, night and day communication and interaction styles!) and she acted like 'I abandoned her,' even cheated when I made good on my promise to leave without effort on her part."
"Now a long time later I still hear from one of the boys who is now in his 30s and just had a baby. At least 2 of my exes grown children don't even talk to her at this point. I never tried to assemble a family again, but have had a VERY fulfilling love life since."-MentORPHEUS
"The girl I had a crush on when I was 8 only pretended to be my friend because she wanted to get embarrassing secrets out of me."
"She then spread them around and became one of the popular girls and I was horrendously bullied for years to come. Worst thing is we had after-school English in middle school together again and she was like 'hey why do you not talk to me' etc.."
"The b*tch made a solid quarter of my life hell and just forgot about it. I'm scarred for life and she will never remember it let alone feel bad about it."-New_General_6287
Shedding Old To Make Space For New
"The beginning of my junior year of high school I had a friend group that I shared a lot of good times with in years past. There were four guys (including me) and three girls, and we did nearly everything together. Toward the end of the year, they began to cut me off and hang out without me, lying about it, and overall just flat out excluding me."
"The whole while I was being told that nothing was wrong and I hadn’t done anything for this kind of treatment to occur, it was just scheduling conflicts or whatever. Nevertheless, I would continue to make attempts to organize things together, but was always ignored or given a lie."
"The final straw came after the end of that school year. I had always wanted to organize a float trip for the seven of us but there was never much interest from anyone else. Sure enough, a few weeks into summer before my senior year there were posts from the six of them on a float trip."
"I was so hurt to this point already that I finally cut myself off from continuing to ask and wonder why I was being disposed of. The way they treated me ate away at my mental health through the summer and into my senior year. I’d see some of them in class and they still would attempt to be chummy, but I reciprocated only enough to be cordial."
"I carried the weight of having my closest friends all up and abandon me with no reason for many years, and I attribute their mistreatment of me to many of the mental health and self-worth issues I still struggle with to this day."
"I still do see the occasional photo of all them together, and they were back in my hometown for the holidays at the same time as me, but thankfully I no longer yearn to be included nor do I expect an apology."
"They were/are incapable of seeing any wrongdoing on their part. It took me a bit to realize how narcissistic a good portion of them were, and the others were too timid to speak out against anything. I have a fantastic group of friends around me now that treat me thousands of times better than they ever did."-logan95
The only common thread through all of these misfortunes is that each of these people is here, afterward, to tell the tale.
That doesn't always happen--and when it does, it's very valuable to be able to see the thing that may have deeply affected you happened to someone else, too.
Hardly any human is ever, if at all, alone. And ultimately that makes up the defining piece of our human experience.
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Confession: I could never make it through Mulan 2. The reason? Mushu.
In the original movie he was voiced by Eddie Murphy, but in Mulan 2 he is voiced by an actor attempting to recreate Eddie Murphy's voice. Yeah, no.
The actor was lovely, I'm sure, but Eddie has one of the most easily recognizable voices in the world, Mulan was wildly successful (in large part because of Mushu) and you're just not gonna get away with faking that.
Reddit user pokeboy626 asked:
"Which celebrity voices are instantly recognizable?"
And it immediately made me feel some type of way thinking about the injustice of Mushu and Mulan 2. Let's see who else Reddit thinks is irreplaceable for real, not in the Beyonce way.
The Voice Of Godmorgan freeman i'm god GIFGiphy
"You are now reading this in Morgan Freemans' voice."
"You're not sure why, but the calm long syllables merge together as words - forming sentences in your mind. You did not seek this, but you got it."
"Oh how you got it."
"I’m not sure how many ATL rap fans there are reading this, but rapper 21 Savage got Morgan f*cking Freeman to narrate throughout his most recent album, 'Savage Mode 2' and it’s one of the most bad@ss flexes I’ve ever seen in music."
"Such a great piece of work. It feels like a movie at times."
"Recently watched Shawshank Redemption for the first time. I didn't realize the entire movie is narrated by him."
"Easily one of the best films I have ever seen."
"He's the voice of God. Nuff said."
That Awkward Moment When The Celeb RespondsArnold Schwarzenegger Smile GIFGiphy
"Arnold Schwarzenegger; specifically his voice going 'Get to the chopper!' "
"I'll be 'bekk.' "
"I think my voice is quite normal."
"Wait it's the actual Schwarzeneggar?!"
"I checked. Oh god it is. Awkward."
"He's had AMAs, it's the Governator himself."
"You clicked on this thread knowing you would be named, didn't ya?"
That's Not His Real Voice!?gilbert gottfried do not want GIF by HULUGiphy
"Have you ever heard his real voice?"
"There was some show where they played a voice mail he left, it might have been Howard stern. Sounds like a totally normal guy."
"I got to meet him after a show one time and he spoke normally."
"Honestly, it was shocking haha. Extremely nice guy though, and it was an absolutely hilarious routine"
"Waow"owen wilson wow GIFGiphy
"It’s more of a 'waow' ”
"I swear, I was having trouble hearing it in my head until I saw your spelling and suddenly it just clicked."
The Voice Makes That CharacterUnderstanding Emperors New Groove GIFGiphy
"Kronk! Voiced by Patrick Warburton."
" 'Oh right the poison.' "
" 'The poison for Kuzco' ”
Obviouslyjustin bieber GIFGiphy
"I can't imagine ANYONE else who could have done a better job as Marvin in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy."
"One evening I was walking in midtown Manhattan and Alan Rickman was walking with friends about 30 feet behind me. I knew the voice instantly."
"During an interview I heard, he said he was told in acting school that he would never be a great actor because his voice work was so poor. And yet, voice is what made him unique."
MufasaStar Wars GIFGiphy
"James Earl Jones."
"Probably the most recognizable one. Especially since in most movies you only hear his voice and don’t see him."
"My kids were floored last week when I informed them Darth Vader and Mufasa were the same guy, as we watched The Lion King."
Ms. Schallgravity falls GIFGiphy
"Mabel and Louise!! Two of my favorites."
"I scrolled way too far to find this answer."
"Most voices take a few moments to click. She's just so very recognizable."
" 'We sent FIVE HUNDRED RAVENS!' "
"Her character in What We Do In The Shadows makes me belly laugh. Her annoyance it such subtle comedy."
"I LOVE her in What We do in the Shadows."
"Hssssss. We sent 500 RAVENS!?"
Creative Cursing ASMR
"She has a really husky voice that’s pretty unique, I generally recognize her voice almost instantly in her roles."
"I would pay real money for her to release a GPS voice as Crisjen Avasaralla."
" ‘What is this, f*cking amateur hour? Take your d*ck out of your hand and turn the f*cking car before I die of old age.’ 😂 "
"Listening to her creative cursing in 'The Expanse' is my ASMR."
"I don't think I've ever heard a voice more distinct than hers. Instantly recognizable. I want her to read me a book."
"Came here looking for this answer!"
"Admiral Raan in Mass Effect 2 & 3, Avasarala in The Expanse, Grayson in Arcane, she has a voice like well-aged scotch, it’s amazing."
We Love NickSeason 3 Episode 13 GIF by Parks and RecreationGiphy
"I feel like every now and again I’ll be watching some kids movie and a character he voices will show up and I’ll immediately recognize his voice."
"My husband and I had a bet on if Nick Offerman was the voice of the logo "Fremulon" after Brooklyn 99 episodes."
"He SWORE it was, and turns out he was right. I was so impressed."
"Watching Lego Movie the very first time I was like 'That is clearly Nick Offerman doing a caricaturic pirate accent' and boy was that an easy call or what."
What celebrity voice is completely unmistakable in your mind? Sound off in the comments.
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Men. Why are you so difficult to shop for?
Guys are always like... "anything" or "whatever." It matters guys, make some decisions.
You know you want things, it's ok to admit it.
Now people have had to cobble together a "best of" idea gift list.
That's how many people are lost in trying to shop for y'all.
Redditor bigpimp0 wanted to know the best gift ideas for all the boys, by asking:
"What are good gifts for men?"
Gift cards, cash, liquor. Always good ideas. A better idea would be to get to know the guy you're shopping for, just a thought. let's think...
"WD40" ~ Zatknish007
"It's never not a good gift. Think about some random Tuesday in March. Someone gives you a gift of WD40 and you're a happy camper." ~ BurnedOutStars
"What actually really helps is Etsy. Go there and type in something they like (like One piece), and a bunch of cool things will come up. There's a One Piece weed grinder, if they smoke; there's a One Piece shadow lamp that looks cool; many various other things."
"It helps if you have a secondary noun to search for (one piece blanket, poster, shirt, ornament, sword, toy, etc), just come up with something they will use and get a one piece version of that. Cooking/working out is a little harder as they are mildly vague interests. Maybe some cookout gear or utensils for their grill." ~ TheRealOcsiban
"Got my bf a beard care set for his birthday and he loved it." ~ Mikachu09
"Honest Amish premium beard oil is hands down the absolute best beard oil you will find. Detroit Grooming Company also makes the best smelling beard butters as well. Both are on Amazon, check them out." ~ JustAnotherDude1990
"High quality THICK ribeyes. Maybe even some a5 wagyu. I ordered some from CrowdCow. It comes frozen so you can just keep it in your freezer until you give it to him." ~ iflexnuts_
"Oh, yeah I used to order really high quality steaks from one of those online places that pack and ship when I could not think of anything else for my dad! If y’all are on the left of the political spectrum Penzey’s spices are really good and they make gift boxes with some of their popular combo’s. (They donate to a lot of democratic causes and were very vocally anti Trump so just in case I wanted to let you know.)" ~ artichoke_dreams
"Tools. Nothing super expensive, but a good quality buy-it-for-life hand tool is the best. They'll appreciate it even if they already have one!" ~ yParticle
"Buy tools from the electrician section, screw drivers and wire clippers are of a much higher quality." ~ Dumguy1214
Interesting. WD40? I would flip out on someone. But that is me.
"The lazy option would be money. However, there isn't a good gift specifically for a man, only a good gift for that individual. For example, if this man is into his gaming, maybe get him a new controller or something??" ~ BigArnie02
$50 or something...
"I really like the subscription gift ideas. I’ve gotten a few and loved them, although I never personally continued any of the services. I find a quick 3-month promo is perfect as a gift. These days you can do craft beer and wines, jerky, other meat products, honestly you name it. I was always so excited to get my monthly shipment of craft beer for the few months the gift was in effect (Xmas maybe 3 years ago) and I think it only set my brother back like $50 or something." ~ tykogars
7 months since...
"Personally the best gift I’ve gotten is my best friend drove 200km to see me on my birthday I live alone in the city and don’t really know many people so having someone there was pretty awesome, it had also been 7 months since I had seen her( edit right the point just be there for them I guess)." ~ DansDailyDepression
"A massage, a guest membership to a gym, a gift card to detail their vehicle, a new set of awesome sheets. One of those fancy White cotton robes. A gift card for a haircut. Hire some landscapers to clean the front and rear lawn. Come on you guys." ~ WolfThick
'keep it simple'
"Depends on the guy, I always love to give gifts that people wouldn’t think to buy themselves.If the man isn’t a smart watch person, I really support getting a nice-looking watch. Men typically aren’t that excited about clothes, but watches are a great gateway into fashion."
"Go seiko, Casio, orient for reasonable options under $100. I have issues with MVMT and other heavily marketed watches, they’re overpriced and not made very well. For the geek in your life, battery banks and cables for their devices are very handy, personally I’ve never gotten stoked about picking one up, but great to have in the car or travel pack if you need them."
"For more of a 'keep it simple' guy, glasses for drinks are awesome. Decorations or posters of shIt they like (guys often don’t do much wall decorating). Other safe bets include informational reading material. Cook books, how to build stuff, how to make cocktails, interesting facts, topics of interest. Books get a lot of mileage when they are specifically useful." ~ Die_woofer
"It depends what he's into. Sports memorabilia? A nice bottle of whisky? Subscription to a magazine? Lego? Cinema pass? A lightsaber from Sabertrio? Nice pair of boots? A new BBQ? Novelty slippers? Aftershave? A house plant? There's no "one size fits all" gift unfortunately." ~ GarethOfQuirm
Ok, so we have a place to start. Get the Amex ready. Time to get crazy!
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