Have you guys ever butt dialed someone and had an "oh no" moment? I have. I once butt dialed my parents in the middle of ... um ... "fulfilling my marital duties" as ye old folk would say. Things. Got. Awkward.
Oh it's not just the outgoing awkward butt dials I've had brushes with, oh no.
I used to work for pretty much the worst boss ever. He was an unpleasant man with a loud violent streak and a well-documented but passionately-denied steroid and cosmetic surgery addiction. He owned a company that trained doctors in new procedures.
It was common for him to call us on weekends or well after hours to demand tasks be done immediately or that one of us deal with a "problem doctor" so that he didn't have to. We all learned pretty quickly that if we wanted actual weekends it was best not to answer the phone if he called.
So one Saturday, that's just what I did. I hit the little red X when he called and just kept going about my day. A few hours later I checked my voicemail to find he hadn't hung up when he thought he did.
... and that, my good readers, is how I found out what number nose he was on, exactly what kinds of drugs kept causing his nasal collapses and that his wife much preferred her first husband.
Reddit user Donnie_Dont_Do asked:
Buckle up, babies. You're in for a ride.
This Fart-versation
A woman butt dialed me at work. I now have a voicemail saved of that woman talking to her girlfriend about her boyfriend's farting behavior.
"For real, for real...And guys just let it go, you know? .... Nah, I mean like one time we's sittin' on the couch and he farted, and I was like 'oh, you must be real comfortable around me now, huh?' And he's like, 'nah, I just don't give a f*ck."
- SealChe
We Knew Who Got The Toys
This will be depressing
My father was cheating on mom with someone named amber. She had one son around the age of 10. I remember he accidentally called us and we listened carefully to everything.
He talked about Getting a PS3 (this happened a long time ago). Me and Brother listened getting excited. We thought it was for us. This wasn't around Christmas. We waited for him to come home and Nothing happened. We waited 3 days and no news.
While we were getting dropped off at school I found a Toys R Us ticket that had a PS3 , Headphones , Toy cars , and other stuff in them. I showed it to my dad and asked him "When are we getting this?"
He stayed silent. Not a word or even a sound.
We don't talk about this and avoid it. We knew who got the toys and It makes us think a lot.
I laugh about it now Since that Amber girl was cheating on my dad and using him for money.
No Uncertain Terms
GiphyMy best friend's girlfriend butt dialed me a week before my birthday and I got to listen while he described to her (in no uncertain terms) that no matter what her jealousy issue was, he was buying me a huge expensive gift. Then started on a long list of all the times I had been there for him.
It's nice to know you're appreciated.
- Ke5tr4l
So Afraid To Die
My dad didn't hang up fast enough after I was calling him while having an anxiety attack. I heard him say to my stepmom "that girl's so afraid to die she's afraid to live."
- haawc13
On The Way To A Strip Club
I was in the other end of this once and accidentally butt dialed my wife while in the car, drunk and singing, on the way to a strip club. We were just dating at the time, but she knew about it.
She still plays it every once in a while to laugh at my awful singing.
Wholesome
I have a wholesome one!
After a first date with an old boyfriend, he picked up his friend and they drove me home together. When I got into the house I got a call from him. He had butt dialed me and was telling his best friend how amazing I was.
Medical Assistance
My grandmother got to listen in on her gay brother having "relations" with a one night stand. At first she thought he was hurt and was worried, so she stayed on the phone. Pretty soon it was very clear he did not need medical assistance.
To this day she still teases him about it.
Apple Watch
I work as an emergency operator and all I can say is don't get freaky whilst wearing your Apple Watch 😋 It's happened more often than you'd think. Someone in the throws of passion can sound very similar to someone in distress.. Awkward for everyone involved lol.
Sneeze
Got a butt dial from a random number and I heard the person sneeze really loud. When I replied "gesundheit" I heard him go "Thanks" and then he actually freaked out because I guess he was alone. Bonus points if he worked in a funeral home
Used Shirts
GiphyI used to hang around with a girl that was a bit... Clingy. One day I got butt dialed by her and all I hear is clothing rustling and some muffled voice speaking gibberish, then, some faint inhaling, and some more talking.
I said in a loud voice "HELLO?", and I got no answer.
The inhaling became louder and ragged, I tried 3 or 4 times again and whoever it was hanged because they probably heard me.
Three months later, I find out she was keeping my used shirts and smelled them.
Every Excuse
My uncle harshly trashing me to my grandmother and her quietly agreeing with him, right after they had both called to wish me happy birthday and compliment me on some professional success.
I hung up and laughed it off, but oh was it satisfying to know I'm not delusional and he does in fact take every excuse to hate on me. It's good to know where we stand...
Mom And Dad
Not exactly juicy, but my mom butt dialed me years ago when she and my dad were driving on vacation.
They're both gone now, but I still love listening to ten minutes of them talking to each other without knowing they were being heard. It's one of my most precious mementos of them.
- Holarooo
Cross The County Line
Not me, but my best friend is a county officer who's raising his sister-in-law's kids because she's too far gone in addiction to be a fit mother. Insert many stories of her abusing and neglecting them and a boyfriend possibly molesting them.
She butt-dialed my friend one time and he listened and overheard her selling Xanax. Later that day she wanted to visit the kids, but he told her the visit was off and if she crossed his county line into his jurisdiction (she lives in a different county) he was going to have her stopped and searched. It was a while before she came around again.
Such An Eye Opener
My ex husband was at work and he called my cellphone to just say hi. After we said our goodbyes, he must have not hung up the receiver properly because I could still hear him and his coworker talking and laughing. He was calling me a bitch and how I can't leave him alone. We were having issues but I thought we were working on them. It was such an eye opener to hear him speak about me in such a negative way.
Under Arrest
GiphyI called a friend and his butt answered the phone
I heard a man shouting "you think I'm dumb? I know what all that stuff is. You will go in. I promise!"
I just hang up and didn't think about it.
A few weeks later I asked him what that was I heard. He asked me what in talking about. I told him that I called and heard a guy yelling all that stuff. Then he realized he answered the phone by accident.
He was breaking into a house but got caught. Police chased him and arrested him. I called him when he was laying on the ground handcuffed, and the officer yelling at him.
- Thrannn
An Imploding Marriage
I was hanging out with a co worker and his wife pocket dialed him.. When she was about to have sex with another guy. It was entertaining hearing her marriage imploding and my co worker seemed kinda relieved (like this was the easiest decision he'll ever make).
No Plans
My boss one time butt dialed me and I was listening to his conversation with my Co worker, it sounded Ike they were super busy and looking for people to call in. Hes going down the list and gets to my name and my Co workers like "nah he said he had plans." and I'm just sitting there like, I said no such thing, and I'd be happy for the extra hours but it would be creepy to call and say I was listening to their conversation so I just let it go.
Rookie Mistake
I butt dialed my mum whilst talking to my weed dealer. she grounded me.
Redditor Mysterious_Boat_1701 was curious to hear people's most unsettling experiences with the Mandela Effect, leading them to ask:
"Which Mandela effect freaks you out the most and why?"
A mysterious gym
"Just had one personally."
"Went to a mall where there was supposedly a gym, asked around and nobody that worked at the mall knew what I was talking about."
"Looked around and couldn't find it."
"Come back a few months later and it’s right there in front of my face, you'd have to be strung out to not notice it."
"idk how or when it just appeared but it freaked me out."- prex320278
A "fruit"ful logo.
"That the fruit of the loom logo never had a cornucopia."
"What’s crazy about that one is that someone emailed the creator of the logo about it and he said even he remembers it having one."- mrcock2·
Less well intentioned than they thought.
"I Mandela effected my whole family once."
"Years ago there was a football player on a rival team that always did a dumb celebration after he got a sack and my family and I always hated it."
"One night after he did it my family started trashing the celebration and I said as a joke 'we are all going to feel terrible when we find out he is doing that celebration as a request from a make-a-wish kid'."
"Fast forward to years later and our team is playing that team again."
"The player got a sack and did the celebration."
"I rolled my eyes and said 'I hate that celebration so much' my mom instantly turned and said 'don't say that, he is doing it for a sick kid'."
"'I actually like it."
"So I was like 'what?'"
"'No there is no sick kid', my whole family then proceeded to argue with me'."
"They all vividly remembered reading articles about it, seeing special report segments before games about it, and other information."
"Some of them even thought they knew the disease the kid had and even extra details about why the kid chose that specific celebration."
"They all had these shared memories that they were sure were true."
"I was floored by all this and insisted none of that was true."
"So we looked it up.'
"Not true."
'No kid like that ever existed.'
"They still have trouble wrapping their heads around this one."
"Turned out human memory is not near as reliable as we think"
"It was American Football and the player was Jared Allen of the Minnesota Vikings and his cattle roping sack celebration."
"This was maybe 10 years ago."- AUSpartan37
College Football Win GIF by Michigan State FootballGiphyHis eyesight was better than we thought.
"Mr. Monopoly's monocle."- Additional_Day9903
It's not easy being green.
"I have a personal one that to this day a decade later still destroys my mind."
"I had an old(ish) 2001 dodge neon."
"With BLACK SEATS.'
"I drove this car for years and years, like 80,000 miles.'
'All through college."
"I took work breaks in my car, commuted hours every day total, to college and then the opposite direction to work and back."
"I even lived out of this thing on several occasions.'
'The day I go and trade it in, I'm pulling misc things out of the car at the dealer."
'And the seats are GREEN."
"Not even a little."
'Like very unmistakably GREEN."
"In my black Neon, with black interior, that ALWAYS HAD BLACK SEATS."
"My girlfriend then, wife now, goes oh they've always been green."
"EXCEPT THEY F*CKING WEREN'T DON'T LIE TO ME."
"This is still upsetting to this day..... life is a lie and nothing is real."- ZakuLegion
Winona Ryder Omg GIFGiphyAn urban legend was born.
"Not a global one, just a family thing."
"Back in 2002 my grandma had her 60th birthday, my father took us home at 10.00pm, ready for bed."
"We, me and brother, were 12 and 14 at this time."
'All went well."
"Over the years, a story was made up that we went missing after visiting the local playground after dinner at said grandma's birthday party."
"Some neighbors help to search us, the whole train of 'missing children in a smal village'-thing."
"Fun fact: we never went missing."
"Dad brought us home, put on 'Toy Story' on tv and left."
"My brother and I heard first about this in 2015.'
"From different people on different occasions."
"'Ah your one of the missing boys'."
"I first thought they were mocking me for a different event.'
"I got lost, but it was 2013, alcohol inflicted, different story."
"But then they ALL tell us the same story about us going missing."
'And the stories are damn close to 'true' in every story my mum is driving around the same neighbors to different locations to search, old wine yard, old mill etc."
"Sometimes I think I got lost on the most brutal way."
"I was lost and changed this plane of existence with another one."
"It sometimes made me think about my whole life."- tjorben123
missing kenny mccormick GIF by South Park GiphyMemories are a fascinating thing.
They can be changed or altered with even the tiniest suggestion.
And making the truth seem less believable than lies.
Redditor No-Caterpillar4212 wanted to know what our menu choices would be if we faced the end. They asked:
"You're on a death row, you have one hour left, they ask for your final meal - what is it?"
I'd want 2 hours in a Golden Coral with a bar. Covers it all.
sailor moon cooking GIFYears
"I want a nice filet mignon, medium rare, a baked potato with everything on it, and a nice Cabernet from a good year - I'm thinking 2135."
cleon42
"'Sorry, we couldn't get the Cabernet from 2135. So instead of what could have been a great wine request from a more plausible period of time, you get this crappy stuff we sourced from Wal-Mart. Enjoy your meal, I hope that maintaining your sense of humor was worth it."'
Until_Morning
Take Me
"Something badly cooked so I will be sick and want to die sooner and have diarrhea so bad it will be a last revenge!"
ratchet0101
"Taco bell it is!"
No-Caterpillar4212
"If Taco Bell makes you poop a lot, it's a sign that you probably need more fiber in your diet."
RDAwesome
The Yuck Factor
"A huge bowl of baked beans, a bowl of shredded wheat, a six egg omelette, and a gallon of apple cider. I'm gonna make it awful for everyone."
"Save yourself the hassle of eating all that, just ask for one pack of sugar free Haribo gummy bears. Should make for an interesting time for the folks watching you die."
MamaSweeney24
"You void your bowels when you die too so that should be lovely."
IDontControlTheFood
Perfect
Fried Chicken Scandal GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy"Fried chicken with some Fanta."
Aggravating-Year-776
Fried chicken is on the top of everyone's list!
Details
Interested GIF by Nick CannonGiphy"150mg of MDMA. I’m dying happy."
W0nderfu1W0nder
"This should absolutely be allowed. If our leaders insist on the practice of capital punishment then the condemned should be able to ingest any substance they damn please."
forewontoi
Broken
"McFlurry. Those machine are always broken. I just bought myself some time."
Curiousuk_South9566
"Is this like an American thing? I worked at a McDonald's in Denmark once and our machine was never once broken when i was there."
oliv111
"I saw a video about this once. I'm a little fuzzy on the details but I think it has something to do with the contract that was signed in America. Only one company is allowed to do maintenance on the machines and they basically lock out if it's cleaned incorrectly. It's a crap system."
grilled-pbj
Sorry
"Cabbage!! Add some cabbage. I don’t know if an hour if enough to take effect but there was an old coworker on a cabbage diet. Omg she smelled, like it was coming out of her pores. She knew she smelled and kept apologizing and reminding us of the diet."
ImStillaPrick
The OG Always
"Olive Garden. Unlimited soup and breadsticks."
thegodfaubel
"I saw a sketch once, can't remember who it 2qs from. But a an inmate ordered the all you can eat buffet and had been eating for like 8 years. He's constantly on the toilet and takes micro-naps between bites."
KingOfTheGoobers
"Unlimited for 1 hour. Cool."
anticlockclock
How Golden
Golden Girls Dorothy GIF by HULUGiphy"If my grandma is still alive her potato soup and cheesecake. Hopefully I'd be able to cook said meal with her one last time."
ATLAS_IS_LOST
Let's hope none of us has to make this decision.
Redditor One-Refrigerator69 was curious to hear stories of people who realized their friends were not exactly the nicest people to be around, leading them to ask:
"When was the moment you realized that your friends are assholes?"
Compared to others...
"When I started hanging out with better people."- Darklink326
All it took was getting my life together
"When I quit drinking ‘cos it was killing me."
"There were people I literally saw every single day who just disappeared as if by magic."
"12 years ago this week, as it happens."
"I’m not anti-drink, far from it."
"Some people, me included, just can’t enjoy it without it becoming a problem."
"Everyone is different."- bigdaftgeordie
A little perspective goes a long way.
"After I realized that other people don't sh*t on each other on every possible occasion in their circle."
"And that it isn't right when a 'friend' uses every known insecurity as an argument against you when you do not behave the way he/she would want you to."- ViscousPlateman
The Simpsons GIF by MOODMANGiphyLack of respect for other people's things
"I let my friend borrow my ps2 when I went to boot camp."
"When I came back, he said he sold it and gave me $50 I think?"
"This was in 2006."- madmike-86
Lack of mutual respect
"When he does sh*t to me and acts like it’s no big deal, then I do the same back and he gets offended."- Primary-Maybe-2749·
Constantly being taken advantage of.
"They only bothered with me when it suited them."
"I'd rather have nobody than have to deal with that."- zombi33mj
happy eric cartman GIF by South Park GiphyWhen they literally revealed themselves to be criminals
"When they robbed me at gunpoint."- Ok_Student8032
When they stopped liking them after a change of situation
"Fourth grade, when my parents economical situation went downhill and suddenly no one invited me to their birthday party."
"Until Seven years later no one had never invited me to their birthday, or to anything at all actually."- Justalittletoserious
Not being able to get a word in...
"When they tell me to shut up when I say anything."- the_golden_cheese
la respuesta GIF by Becky GGiphyViolently playing with emotions
"She got a boyfriend and would let him listen to our phone calls and not tell me, even if I was crying about personal stuff that I would only ever tell her."
"Then they both started lying to me about my crush liking me back, forcing both him and me into awkward positions, telling everyone we liked each other so they'd play along, swapping places constantly to make us sit next to each other, pressuring him into giving me a lap dance, making him kiss the prettiest girl in the room, etc, and encouraged me to shoot my shot more and more."
"All the while they knew he didn't like me, he had told them both directly."
"One night I was crying on the phone cause I was so confused why my advances weren't working, and they just kept explaining it away, blaming some other bullsh*t reason and telling me to try again."
"The next day they told me they were laughing throughout the whole call, because I didn't get it and I was so upset."
"I should add I had no dating experience at all and nobody had ever liked me at this point."- Juliemj
It's always sad when our friends disappoint us.
But when our friends proved to be completely different people than we thought they were, it can be devastating.
As the saying goes, one never truly knows who their friends are.
A recent Redditor was curious to hear what tourists and locals alike should avoid doing in the USA, leading them to ask:
"In the United States, what should you never do?"
Stay out of the skies!
"Don't fly a drone in Washington, DC."
"The whole D.C. Area is a no fly zone."
"It's a federal offense."
"Just don't do it."- PeytonCarrK
Cops can't be bribed.
"Don't try to bribe cops when you get pulled over."
"I had some Argentinian friends immediately pull out their wallets and start pooling their cash when they got pulled over once.'
"Fortunately someone in the car noticed and told them to put it away immediately."- PeytonCarrK
"Don't pay off the police."
"My dad has friends from several third-world nations where it is common practice to give the police some cash when you are pulled over."
"However, if you try to bribe a police officer here, you'll get into a lot of trouble."- JohnASmiley
Know your rights.
"Everyone, including foreigners, has the right to be silent and have a lawyer when being questioned."
"Don’t say anything."
"Also, even if you speak English fairly well, ask for an interpreter."- WickedLilThing
Enjoy all that nature has to offer... carefully!
"Don't wander off in the national parks."
"It's very real wilderness and you can get lost and die out there."
"This includes going over railings you aren't supposed to, or off trails."
"People have died accidentally falling into a steam geyser that looked like normal water, mauled by animals or left to the elements."- AlphaOhmega
national parks GIF by Visit The USAGiphyAllow plenty of time!
"Expect consistency at TSA in airports."- WickedLilThing
Some terminology doesn't translate...
"If you’re from England, they’re called cigarettes here."- Yung_Onions
Make sure your license is up to date.
"If you come from a walkable country don’t come here expecting the same."
"There are some areas with good public transportation and bicycle/pedestrian friendly streets but for the most part, especially outside of cities, the areas are designed to accommodate cars more than anything else."
"The reason a lot of Americans drive everywhere is because, depending on where you live, we have no choice."- The_Cars93
Dog Driving GIFGiphyWait for instructions.
"Get out of your car and approach the cop when being stopped by a cop unless told to."- hildrash
Whether your'e waling down a street in a foreign country, or the street you've lived on for your entire life, it's always wise to be on guard and aware of your surroundings.
Not to mention, obey the law.