Have you guys ever butt dialed someone and had an "oh no" moment? I have. I once butt dialed my parents in the middle of ... um ... "fulfilling my marital duties" as ye old folk would say. Things. Got. Awkward.
Oh it's not just the outgoing awkward butt dials I've had brushes with, oh no.
I used to work for pretty much the worst boss ever. He was an unpleasant man with a loud violent streak and a well-documented but passionately-denied steroid and cosmetic surgery addiction. He owned a company that trained doctors in new procedures.
It was common for him to call us on weekends or well after hours to demand tasks be done immediately or that one of us deal with a "problem doctor" so that he didn't have to. We all learned pretty quickly that if we wanted actual weekends it was best not to answer the phone if he called.
So one Saturday, that's just what I did. I hit the little red X when he called and just kept going about my day. A few hours later I checked my voicemail to find he hadn't hung up when he thought he did.
... and that, my good readers, is how I found out what number nose he was on, exactly what kinds of drugs kept causing his nasal collapses and that his wife much preferred her first husband.
Reddit user Donnie_Dont_Do asked:
Buckle up, babies. You're in for a ride.
This Fart-versation
A woman butt dialed me at work. I now have a voicemail saved of that woman talking to her girlfriend about her boyfriend's farting behavior.
"For real, for real...And guys just let it go, you know? .... Nah, I mean like one time we's sittin' on the couch and he farted, and I was like 'oh, you must be real comfortable around me now, huh?' And he's like, 'nah, I just don't give a f*ck."
- SealChe
We Knew Who Got The Toys
This will be depressing
My father was cheating on mom with someone named amber. She had one son around the age of 10. I remember he accidentally called us and we listened carefully to everything.
He talked about Getting a PS3 (this happened a long time ago). Me and Brother listened getting excited. We thought it was for us. This wasn't around Christmas. We waited for him to come home and Nothing happened. We waited 3 days and no news.
While we were getting dropped off at school I found a Toys R Us ticket that had a PS3 , Headphones , Toy cars , and other stuff in them. I showed it to my dad and asked him "When are we getting this?"
He stayed silent. Not a word or even a sound.
We don't talk about this and avoid it. We knew who got the toys and It makes us think a lot.
I laugh about it now Since that Amber girl was cheating on my dad and using him for money.
No Uncertain Terms
GiphyMy best friend's girlfriend butt dialed me a week before my birthday and I got to listen while he described to her (in no uncertain terms) that no matter what her jealousy issue was, he was buying me a huge expensive gift. Then started on a long list of all the times I had been there for him.
It's nice to know you're appreciated.
- Ke5tr4l
So Afraid To Die
My dad didn't hang up fast enough after I was calling him while having an anxiety attack. I heard him say to my stepmom "that girl's so afraid to die she's afraid to live."
- haawc13
On The Way To A Strip Club
I was in the other end of this once and accidentally butt dialed my wife while in the car, drunk and singing, on the way to a strip club. We were just dating at the time, but she knew about it.
She still plays it every once in a while to laugh at my awful singing.
Wholesome
I have a wholesome one!
After a first date with an old boyfriend, he picked up his friend and they drove me home together. When I got into the house I got a call from him. He had butt dialed me and was telling his best friend how amazing I was.
Medical Assistance
My grandmother got to listen in on her gay brother having "relations" with a one night stand. At first she thought he was hurt and was worried, so she stayed on the phone. Pretty soon it was very clear he did not need medical assistance.
To this day she still teases him about it.
Apple Watch
I work as an emergency operator and all I can say is don't get freaky whilst wearing your Apple Watch 😋 It's happened more often than you'd think. Someone in the throws of passion can sound very similar to someone in distress.. Awkward for everyone involved lol.
Sneeze
Got a butt dial from a random number and I heard the person sneeze really loud. When I replied "gesundheit" I heard him go "Thanks" and then he actually freaked out because I guess he was alone. Bonus points if he worked in a funeral home
Used Shirts
GiphyI used to hang around with a girl that was a bit... Clingy. One day I got butt dialed by her and all I hear is clothing rustling and some muffled voice speaking gibberish, then, some faint inhaling, and some more talking.
I said in a loud voice "HELLO?", and I got no answer.
The inhaling became louder and ragged, I tried 3 or 4 times again and whoever it was hanged because they probably heard me.
Three months later, I find out she was keeping my used shirts and smelled them.
Every Excuse
My uncle harshly trashing me to my grandmother and her quietly agreeing with him, right after they had both called to wish me happy birthday and compliment me on some professional success.
I hung up and laughed it off, but oh was it satisfying to know I'm not delusional and he does in fact take every excuse to hate on me. It's good to know where we stand...
Mom And Dad
Not exactly juicy, but my mom butt dialed me years ago when she and my dad were driving on vacation.
They're both gone now, but I still love listening to ten minutes of them talking to each other without knowing they were being heard. It's one of my most precious mementos of them.
- Holarooo
Cross The County Line
Not me, but my best friend is a county officer who's raising his sister-in-law's kids because she's too far gone in addiction to be a fit mother. Insert many stories of her abusing and neglecting them and a boyfriend possibly molesting them.
She butt-dialed my friend one time and he listened and overheard her selling Xanax. Later that day she wanted to visit the kids, but he told her the visit was off and if she crossed his county line into his jurisdiction (she lives in a different county) he was going to have her stopped and searched. It was a while before she came around again.
Such An Eye Opener
My ex husband was at work and he called my cellphone to just say hi. After we said our goodbyes, he must have not hung up the receiver properly because I could still hear him and his coworker talking and laughing. He was calling me a bitch and how I can't leave him alone. We were having issues but I thought we were working on them. It was such an eye opener to hear him speak about me in such a negative way.
Under Arrest
GiphyI called a friend and his butt answered the phone
I heard a man shouting "you think I'm dumb? I know what all that stuff is. You will go in. I promise!"
I just hang up and didn't think about it.
A few weeks later I asked him what that was I heard. He asked me what in talking about. I told him that I called and heard a guy yelling all that stuff. Then he realized he answered the phone by accident.
He was breaking into a house but got caught. Police chased him and arrested him. I called him when he was laying on the ground handcuffed, and the officer yelling at him.
- Thrannn
An Imploding Marriage
I was hanging out with a co worker and his wife pocket dialed him.. When she was about to have sex with another guy. It was entertaining hearing her marriage imploding and my co worker seemed kinda relieved (like this was the easiest decision he'll ever make).
No Plans
My boss one time butt dialed me and I was listening to his conversation with my Co worker, it sounded Ike they were super busy and looking for people to call in. Hes going down the list and gets to my name and my Co workers like "nah he said he had plans." and I'm just sitting there like, I said no such thing, and I'd be happy for the extra hours but it would be creepy to call and say I was listening to their conversation so I just let it go.
Rookie Mistake
I butt dialed my mum whilst talking to my weed dealer. she grounded me.
We all have brands or companies that we might admire from afar (or at the very least via their website or catalog), but know we will likely never shop there ourselves.
For the simple reason that their products and merchandise are simply out of our price range.
As a result, we may find ourselves like Holly Golightly at Tiffany's while window shopping, but never actually making a purchase.
However, there are some brands that are so luxurious, that even catalog or window shopping is out of the question.
As they are not only luxurious but also exclusive, only a certain few even know of their existence.
Redditor Halyycon10 was curious to learn about any and all of the luxury brands that cater exclusively to the wealthiest people on earth, leading them to ask:
"What are the 'quiet' luxury brands that only the super rich know about?"
Allow Me To Take You Upstairs...
"An Italian friend arranged a visit to a Murano glass gallery."
"After the general public cleared out of the public showroom, the gallery's people took us up some stairs to the 'real deal' gallery with shelves full of breathtaking art pieces."
"We admired one vase on a shelf, but were told that it would never be offered for sale -- it was too important as part of the island's legacy & heritage."
"I think that the way we zeroed in on it somehow convinced them that we were top art dealers "'in stealth mode'."
"For the rest of the afternoon, we were treated like VIPs."
"What a day that was...."-- funhousefrankenstein
Uncharted Territory
"I work in the Luxury Travel industry."
"I know quite a few."
"Exclusive Resorts is an invite-only membership club for very high-end travel."
"They don’t post their prices online, but I know people that work there."
"They have personal cell phone numbers for people like Jeff Bezos, Waltons, and people that live at that stratospheric titan of industry level."
"Their cheapest membership package is $100,000 to join, and can run up to $250,000."
"That’s just the price to join the club."
"You have to pay for any travel you want to book on top of that."
"They have a $600M portfolio of properties they own throughout the world, that only their members have access to."
"Want to guarantee availability for a finish-line view villa in Monaco during the Grand Prix?"
"Want to get a ski-in cabin next to the Walton’s cabin in Aspen over Christmas?"
"Want a luxury penthouse in Paris during fashion week?"
"These are your guys."
"They cap their membership at 3,000 people, so you may have to wait for a long time until you can get in."
"Another interesting one: White Desert is your tour operator of choice if you want a private expedition with your buddies to the South Pole."
"Their packages can run $100,000+ per person for a private jet to their base camp on the Antarctica plateau and then another custom-build ski-plane transfer to their camp on the South Pole."- El_mochilero
GiphyNothing More Valuable Than A Good Night's Sleep...
"Duxiana."
"For people who can buy a mattress that costs as much as a car."- Hot-Dress-3369
A Perfect Fit...
"Tailors on Saville Row."
"Wealthy people get their clothes custom made."- mecyh
Nothing To Give It Away...
"I had a rich friend once tell me that Gucci is what poor people think rich people wear."
"Since then I noticed that all of her clothes fit perfect, but she never has logos on anything."- hoptownky
gucci GIFGiphyThese Boots Might NOT Be Made For Walking...
"John Lobb bootmaker in St James."
"Make beautiful handmade shoes for royalty, celebrities and rich types."
"They are well known but not a household name."- queenirv
Free For All...
"I used to be of the opinion that really wealthy people wore stuff that you wouldn't really notice, but disappointingly (having spent some time around folks with extreme wealth recently), the true answer is just: whatever the hell they like."
"If someone really liked branded gear before they were wealthy, you'd better believe they're going to be dressed like Ali G once they make it big."- AvaRCordero
Pay Up To Dress Down...
"Jeff Goldblum was on the Conan podcast and talked about where he got his jeans."
"It was from this hard-to-find shop in New York that not many people had heard of.
Come to find out, not surprisingly, their jeans are insanely expensive, and only the very rich could afford them." - Reddit
Jeans Pants GIF by Post MaloneGiphyFor All Your Million Dollar Needs...
"Buy a copy of The Robb Report magazine at a bookstore and marvel at the insane ads in the back for private jets, yacht brokers, military level trained personal protection Belgian Malinois guardian dogs, personal protection security firms staffed by former US Secret Service and retired Tier 1 operators only in their early 40s and fit with 20 years experience, and even crazier stuff."
"Pfft buying a $400 pair of jeans is pedestrian when you have Taylor Swift money and roll in 2 fully armored Escalades and are escorted on errands by a phalanx of guys in black polo shirts and jeans who have been places and done things in sandy countries that are still classified."- scots
Cruisin...
"Amels."
"They are one of the best super yacht manufacturers in the world with over 100 years of experience."- theassassintherapist
Before You Show Off That Logo...
"Almost all of the well known luxury brands have several lines. "
"The ones with logos all over them are typically the cheapest (I’m looking at you LV, Gucci) etc. which is why they’re so common."
"The same companies will have more exclusive lines that are much more expensive, usually more classic in style, and they’re not covered in logos, so you’d never know what brand they are unless you’re really into that kind of thing."
"For example, my wife wanted to buy me a nice wallet, so we went to the LV shop."
"I liked one that had no logo on the exterior of it, just simple grey leather, and it cost twice as much as the ones with 'LV' stamped all over them."- ToothbrushGames
Black Friday Christmas GIF by FOX TVGiphyPeople Go Nuts For Interior Design
"Zuber & Co."
"Crazy expensive wallpaper and room dividers/panels."
"I love old rococo and baroque things so happed to walk by their store in NYC."
"Stopped in due to the patterns and quickly realized I do in-fact NOT have thousands of dollars per ft for wallpaper."
"For example $5,000 - $30,000 per panel."- Reddit
It's About Time
"When I met my wife she worked selling high end watches."
"Talking about it on our first date I said ‘oh like Rolex and stuff?’"
"She said ‘Rolex customers are just new money, drug dealers and old men'."
"'If people contact us wanting one we just direct them to a watch shop'."
"Then rattled off a list of about 10 makers I’d never heard of which her international clients would fly here just to try on."
"I was wearing a Luminox at the time which I thought was pretty badass but all of a sudden I felt like a kid running around with that gadget from Ben 10."- StrangledByTheAux
As the saying goes, "if you have to ask, you can't afford it!"
Though it must be said, there is also absolutely NOTHING wrong with shopping for watches at a watch shop.
The human body is an amazing thing.
It is capable of far more than we ever thought possible.
When studying anatomy we really should start doing a deeper dive into all the parts of the body.
Each organ and limb has a story and function that we never really learn about.
Redditor NorthPengyyy wanted to discuss... the penis, so they asked:
"What are some fun facts about the penis?"
Don't Die
"Fun fact - the erection happens when blood enters the penis, the main "structure" of the penis hardens and expands (obviously), but by doing so it presses the Veins and blocks them. Meaning - the blood comes but doesn't go out of the organ, thus keeping it erect for too long. This is why erections over 6 hours are dangerous because the blood blockage is for too long of a time and the penis can die due to lack of oxygen. I hope it was interesting."
SoapBubble3
Outaries
"The seam on your testicle sack is where your proto vagina sealed up while you were in the womb."
melonsquared
"So testicles are just ovaries that are outaries?"
datazulu
"Literally yes. They all start as gonads in your abdomen. Girls’ gonads stay and turn into ovaries. Boy’s gonads descend and become testes. It’s why, when you take a hit to the balls, it hurts all the way back up in your stomach and can make you nauseated. Boys still have innervated back up to where the gonads first developed."
SpartySoup
SNAP!
Schitts Creek Pain GIF by CBCGiphy"It can break like a glow stick if it slips out while a girl is on top and slams back down on it."
Artistic_Marzipan221
De-boned
"Most animals have a 'penis bone' which allows for instant erections, however, humans do not have this bone. The cause is thought to be because without the bone, courtship, arousal, and mating is a longer affair therefore leading to increased intimacy and pair bonding. The penis is literally made for love."
nailbunny2000
Prehensile
Nat Geo Adventure GIF by National Geographic ChannelGiphy"An elephant's penis is prehensile, like its trunk. It can be used to pick up objects."
Sea-Woodpecker-610
How come only elephants were granted this gift?
Frozen
Polar Bears GIF by Nature on PBSGiphy"Being stressed out, exhausted, and cold makes it smaller. So the smallest penis in the world should belong to a man being chased by a polar bear in the Arctic."
Electrical_Age_336
Wait, what?
"I remember watching a weird YouTube documentary about a spider (in Australia of course) whose bite gives you a forever erection."
JMthought
It Just happens
"Just because it's erect DOES NOT mean the person is horny/aroused."
Spartan0536
"I recently learned that clenching other muscles is a good way to get rid of an erection. The bigger the muscle, the better, so clenching your butt is a good way to go. Apparently, it’s because it causes more blood to go to the clenched muscle. More blood to the muscle = less blood to the penis."
phatcat9000
"I'm quite anxious all the time. When I'm just chilling with nothing else to do, I reach a point of relaxation and I get erections, I'm not aroused or anything, I'm just chilling and it seems that my body approves of my time off I guess."
chifrijoconbirra
Be Smart
"There is a ligament at the base of the penis that causes the penis to rise when it becomes erect. This is what causes a bulge etc."
"Some people have stupidly made the decision to have this ligament cut. This is because it adds a few inches of length to the erect penis. However, it will just hang down. Do. Not. Do. This. It is a stupid thing to do."
phatcat9000
Data Entry
information GIFGiphy"A single sperm contains 37.5 MB of DNA information. One ejaculation represents roughly a data transfer of 15,875 GB equivalent to the combined capacity of 62 MacBook Pro laptops."
Nijinsky_84
Well, the penis is far more interesting than we thought.
Isn't it?
Do you have any interesting tidbits to add? Let us know in the comments.
