Ten Second Rule

Some lady was talking to me, and mid-conversation said, "Sorry, I just have to ask, do you have pink-eye or something? Your one eye is slanted." I blamed it on my contact, but I knew what she was talking about. My one eyelid has always been droopier than the other, and I'm a bit self conscious about it. But why would she think it was pink-eye? My eye wasn't even red...

The rule I have always stuck to is this: if the person can't fix it in 10 seconds, don't mention anything about their appearance. If they have spinach in their teeth, tell them! But if they have a zit or something, don't mention it! It's not that hard.

lajefl

Just Really Not A Compliment

In a group project. Some guy compared me to a gorilla from some movie. I wasn't really offended but I was also a little concerned. Then someone chimed in, "How the F-CK does he at all look like that gorilla?" And the girl in our group said, "I don't see it at all..."

I felt relieved that most people do not in fact think I look like a gorilla. In my opinion, I do not look like a gorilla much at all, definitely not more than a typical person.

nawlinkov

Small Talk

I have cystic acne, I'm on meds and everything, and sometimes new people tell me stuff like "have you tried washing your face every day" and "when I have a pimple I put (insert product) on it and it disappears." Like I understand you're trying to help, but when you bring it up the second we meet it's a pretty mean reminder that my skin condition is the first thing people notice.

Thomaslx

Thanks...?

I was trying on shoes at a marathon expo the day before the race. The shoe salesman asked if I was running the half marathon the next day. I replied, "No, I'm running the full marathon." He replied, "Huh. You look like a half marathoner to me." Weirdest insult I've heard.

dharmadoggo

Nothing Happened, Barbara

I have nystagmus (the shaky eyes) the amount of times strangers have commented is more than I could count. Usually "what's wrong with you / what happened to your eyes" are the standards but I've also heard freaky, gross, disgusting, and my favorite "you look like a serial killer".

msmegan99

Please Go Away

I had a woman in a bathroom tell me as I was washing my hands that I am "quite pretty, but not dressing to my potential." I was at a baseball game in a team jersey, jeans, and a ballcap.

EmilyamI

I May Be Short But I Am Mighty

"Don't worry, short boys like you are kind of cute." Critical hit in the masculinity.

Joweeve

That's Not Why I'm Here

Within the first couple minutes of the CPR/first aid certification course, the nurse leading it told me if I was going to need a c-section when I have kids because my hips are so narrow. I don't want kids and we hadn't even introduced ourselves yet. Such a weird thing to say to someone.

Pa1ePanther

Ruined My Life

I was wearing a thin sweater when I was 13 years old, when a dude said "ew you have weird nipples"; because my sweater was just thin enough to see the outline of my nips (i'm a dude). Seventeen years later, I legit haven't taken off my shirt in public or wore clothing that showed nipples. It's become a full-blown issue that's affected my life with insecure thoughts.

evohans

Floored

Not about me, but to me.

"He's got Down Syndrome" while pointing to my infant son (not sure if she thought I hadn't realised)

"Yes he has."

"Aren't you too young to have a Downs?"

"Apparently not"

"Such a shame, he would be really cute as well"

I wish I had a witty comeback but I literally just stared at her in disbelief then walked off.

mightyfinelookinbbq

Lank

"Hello, loooooong boy!" - homeless guy I walked by at the park. I'm still trying to figure out what he meant by that.

FuzzyElf47

Let Me Pizzaface In Peace, Yo

During the height of my acne problems I was shocked by how many elderly people would randomly approach me in stores, malls, restaurants, what have you and say absurd shit like, "You know what gets rid of that? Soap and water. Just a little bit, every day." They'd always seem so proud of themselves like they'd done their good deed for the day by telling a complete stranger basic, common sense information that wasn't going to help in my case anyway.

FuzzyElf47

Just Dogs, Not Humans

"You need to f-cking eat, only dogs like bones"

Well, thank God for that. I'd jump off a bridge if dogs didn't like me.

Penya23

How Much More Mexican Should I Be, Brenda?

In high school I did well enough on my PSAT to earn recognition as a "National Hispanic Scholar" and one of my mom's coworkers told my mom I didn't deserve the award because I wasn't "mexican enough."

gillyillyoxenfree

It's My Hair, Not Yours

My sister and I were walking into an Italian restaurant a couple of years ago in November. I like do dye my hair crazy colors pretty regularly and most of the time, people wont say anything if they arent a fan. I decided to be a nice person and hold the door open for a family that was leaving. The father of this family looks at me on his way out and says "Halloween's over!" It was pretty rude imo, especially when I was holding the door open for this guy.

bjhumes

She's Still Married To Me, He He He.

I am not even sure how to word this without sounding hyperbolic or dramatic.

So I am an average AT BEST looking guy. I've gained weight as I've aged, but for most of my life I got teased for my non-chub attributes. Just not much of a looker. I get it. I don't even disagree.

My wife is NOT a supermodel. But she is a conventionally pretty, blonde haired, blue eyed thin woman. So like... I OF COURSE think she is gorgeous, but she is also not quitting her job for the runway.

That is the context I'm going for.

I cannot tell you how many strangers, or near strangers have joked about the disparity in our looks. I've had completely random dudes at bars ask me to set them up, only to have them laugh in my face when I say we're married. I've had coworkers be like THAT'S your wife!? I've had people be like "Wow you must be packing the goods if she's with you" to which I typically reply "I wish, but no."

So it's weird. By myself at a bar? Invisible, anonymous dude. With my wife at a bar? Hung Quasimodo.

I used to be insecure about it when we were younger. Now it's just like "Ya she has sh-t judgement, I donno what to tell you!"

soomuchcoffee