Everybody has their something. EVERYBODY! Even the people who choose to make us all feel less than. There is always an origin as to why people are the way they are. Though we may carry disdain for our bullies, trying to discover understanding can go along way. Especially when the bully figures that out first.
Redditor u/peppermintbliss wanted the bullies out their to fess up by asking..... Ex-bullies of reddit, what was your turning point?
My best friend from elementary school through high school - we were inseparable. She was the pretty friend, smart, played a competitive sport (and was nationally recognized for it) and just really well-liked by everyone. Senior year the week before graduation something snapped and I cut her off completely. I hadn't realized our entire friendship was built around her teasing me and making fun of me. I actually broke up with my first boyfriend (who was a very nice guy) because she bullied me into thinking he wasn't good enough for me. I was always texting her first, she was always setting up group hangouts and specifically not inviting me, etc.
It was all very upsetting and I was so angry with myself for letting her treat me like that for so long.
He never told me....
In 9th grade apparently my friend wasn't my friend. I guess I always teased him, lightly shoved him, pushed him around, stuff like that because I thought that was how guys were supposed to behave with each other.
Well apparently he hated it. And he had another friend who was twice my size - that guy started pushing me around. When I realized that my "friend" turned to this other dude to protect himself from me, in some sort of weird 80's body guard cliche, I realized that 1) we weren't actually friends, and 2) I wasn't behaving very nicely. And then I realized I actually didn't have any friends in 9th grade because I acted this way with everyone. I changed and salvaged my social life before high school ended. PlentyQuantity
We picked on this boy in grades four to five, who was a little different. We would say he smelt and such. Even made a game called "Stinky Boy" where we all ran away from him. The teacher made me sit with him for the year and I mocked him constantly. One day he invited me to his birthday. I was confused but still went. Turns out he thought I was his best friend and gave me one of five special 'Sleep Over Invitations.' He invited all of my friend group at the time, all of which made fun of him. I was the only kid out of our class of thirty he had invited to show up to this poor kids birthday. He was so happy to see me.
We played games all night and I had so much fun with him. Turns out the reason we thought he was smelly was because he had to wear the same pair of old cloths because his single father couldn't afford much else. Did I mention that his dad said to me that he had heard so much about me and how his son was so happy to have a friend like me. He even called my parents to tell them how happy he was that his son had finally found a friend. I hung out with him every snack tome after that. Now in my final year of school I be sure to ask him what's up when I see him in the school as we grew apart and he finally found friends after I introduced him to some people. Looking back it makes me sad that kids can be so cruel. geo_002
We were about 11-12. I tripped the kid I was bullying, he fell on the floor and got a serious nosebleed... the realization that the blood that was on the floor is a result of my actions made me rethink what I was doing.
We became pretty good friends afterward. BrightPut
I attended elementary/middle and a year of high school in a economically-depressed working-class town, where the mills had closed down and families were hanging on by threads (if at all). It was a nightmare, like living in a prison. Bullying was rampant through the entire culture, even the teachers would bully kids in unspeakable ways. So yeah, to my shame, I also bullied kids, just as I was being bullied by others.
When I moved away to a different city, where bullying was not part of the culture, I suddenly found that I had no desire to be mean to other kids. I no longer felt seeing people humiliated or afraid was funny or gratifying in any way, and not having to feel that way myself was absolutely liberating. In fact, I suddenly found it kind of repulsive on the rare occasion where I witnessed someone being bullied. I once saw a friend of mine bullying some nerdy kid, and actually found myself telling him to cut it out and leave him be... something I would NEVER have done in my previous schools. I myself never bullied anyone again after I left that crap town.
Years ago there was an experiment where a rat would be given an electrical shock periodically at random intervals. He would become terribly stressed out and miserable, and start behaving neurotically. Then, a new rat would be introduced to the cage, and the rat that had been shocked would suddenly attack the new rat with a bizarre ferocity. Now the new rat would be stressed out, miserable and neurotic, but the shocked rat would calm down and be just fine. As if all the pain and fear that had been imposed on him had simply been transferred to the new rat.
I think once you understand this about rats, you come to understand a lot about people. ProfessorZhirinovsky
Wise with Age....
I just became older. I regret the things I did and have even apologized to a couple of people later in life. WeakIdeal
Wake me up when it's all over....
I was on the receiving side but I can definitely tell you a point in time that made some of them "wake up" as it were.
So some public schools in Australia have 1 period a week for certain age groups (mine was for grade 10) to talk you youth group people to help us learn proper sex manners, how to behave in real life, stuff like that but be super cool about it, and one day the topic of bullying came up and about half way through, after doing the "this is how it can ruin lives" thing they ask the group who has been bullied, about a dozen put our hands up, including me, now I enjoyed these talks so I would be near the front most the time, and as I'm looking around back as to who else put their hand up out of curiosity, I was starting to notice that my bullies were averting their eyes/heads.
Not once again was I bullied from another in my grade until I dropped out at the start of g12. To this day, Ive gotten 2 apologies, and let me tell you, they meant and still do, mean a whole lot so if you feel sorry for what you've done and have the means, please say it to them, they might even forgive you like I have. Ascrex
I bullied this one boy and one girl when I was a kid. Don't know why really, i simply did. The boy was younger than me and i made him go home every time I saw him at the playground. If he wouldn't I'd slap him around a bit until he did. The girl was my age and much bigger than me, but I was still the bully.
I stopped bullying the boy on his first day of school, my first day of third grade. He saw me in the schoolyard and immediately started crying an ran inside. That's when I realized he was actually afraid of me and the bullying stopped being funny.
The girl got me off bullying for good. We were at a 7 day vacation out of town, and I tortured that poor girl for days. Called her names, pulled boards from under her mattress so she would fall, rubbed toothpaste on her hands while she was sleeping, all kinds of nasty hell. On the 5th day she finally had enough, and just walked away. A 10 year old kid walked away on her own into the woods. No one could find her the whole day, I actually got really scared that something would happen to her because of me. She finally appeared in the evening, alive and well. She was hiding nearby and watched us look for her the whole day, only came out when she got hungry. I never bullied anyone mentally or physically ever again.
I was one mean kid. lopaticaa
Acknowledging my own pain. c_e_s_
This is kind of what happen to me. I was bullied and then became popular at another school/high school, could fight, and if I couldn't take on a kid I had a lot of older kids that were like brothers to me help me. I became shitty because I thought that was the way of the world: popular kids are assholes to the other kids. I even bullied people older and bigger than me.
There was a realization that I had been being an asshole for a long time and that I don't even like being around me. I spent a good portion of my late teens and early twenties apologizing to people. A lot of them hated me, but after saying sorry almost all of them started to like me and want to hang out with me. Made some more good friends like that and made a totally different name for myself where I lived. awhhh
Nothing is Perfect....
I have a feeling this will hit close to home for some people. In grade school i was kind of a bully. I say kind of, because it was mostly just kid stuff and I wasn't vindictive about it like some of the kids in school were, but nonetheless i was not a stellar person. In about 6th or 7th grade, my mom got cancer. For a few years, it felt like nothing could ever go right for me, and it felt like it was never my fault. In high school, once most of these things had passed, and I was back to my normal semi-bullying ways, and older friend of mine (who i had confided in during the rough years) put it this way: you know that feeling when everything seems like its going against you and you had no hand in causing it. That's what kids that get bullied constantly feel like. Why are they refused the right to enjoy their interests, and do what they want? I was flabbergasted. For weeks I went around the high school apologizing to kids i had bullied because i felt like such a piece of crap. DurtYurt
When my victim ignored me - after that, there was nothing I could do, so I just went away. The_Flying_Festoon