Top Stories

Build-A-Bear Employees Describe The Most Memorable Voice Recordings Customers Have Made

Build-A-Bear Employees Describe The Most Memorable Voice Recordings Customers Have Made
Barrett Ward on Unsplash

A Build-A-Bear workshop may be "Where Best Friends Are Made," as the toyshop claims.

But the stores also have the capacity to breed mischief, thanks to naughty customers taking advantage of the personalized voice recording option–a popular feature.


While most of the submitted recordings are completely innocent, not all of the customer-submitted voice recordings are always in line with the good-natured appearance of the affable toy bear.
Curious to hear examples of some "interesting" audio emanating from the stuffed toy, Redditor elephanturd asked:
"Build A Bear workers what's the strangest voice recording you've heard?"

These are examples of scenarios when a customer couldn't speak for themselves.

Regretful Bear

"I had a guy come in with loads of shopping bags. Flowers and chocolates. Typical gifts you'd get a girlfriend but WAY too many. He bought a bear and just recorded."

"Hannah, I'm SORRY!"

"He didn't seem in the mood to talk so I didn't pry but everyone in the store agreed it was a terrible idea. Reminding your girlfriend she's angry at you everytime she squeezes a bear."

– MoonMurph

The Private Message

"I can’t think of any truly strange recordings, but this did make me think of a semi-awkward situation I was in. A dad came in to make stuffed dog for his daughter. His partner was telling me that he was going through some sort of intense custody battle situation and didn’t get to see his daughter very much. He ended up going to like a separate part of the store (or maybe the bathroom? I don’t remember) to record the message. Like, the dude clearly didn’t want anyone to hear it. But then when I put the sound thingy in the dog’s paw and line it up correctly, I kept accidentally pressing it a bunch of times. It was basically him just telling his daughter how much he missed her—so nothing sketchy or anything like that. But I just felt super intrusive because it seemed like it was intended something really personal that I wasn’t supposed to hear."

"So just to be clear - this isn’t a judgment on the customer, just my awkward and clumsy-a** self."

– Skysteps00000

Sexy Bear

"I heard a man there, he had made a 'sexy' recording for giving to his girl. Kinda creepy, but if it worked...."

– IamtheBoomstick

A Bear's Purpose

"A friend gave a girl a bear, when asking her out, with the recording of his voice saying 'It is my duty..... to rock that booty.'"

– finnicko

Adult customers can be silly as mischievous children.

The Bear Doesn't Consent

"In high school at the time, making a bear as a gift for my best friend. Thought it’d be hilarious to put the little heart speaker into the bear’s crotch and have it say 'Don’t touch me there!' when pressed."

"Go to check out and this poor elderly woman working the register grabs the bear in just the right way that at least 10+ people around hear someone shout 'DONT TOUCH ME THERE!!!'”

"All heads turned. I thought I was going to have to resuscitate the poor cashier. Left and never went back."

– WholeKaleidoscope556

Dirty Bear

"I was a customer. One voice recording I managed to hear was 'C*CK AND BALL' very loudly.

– PALLABSemployee

Beware The Volume

"I worked at BABW from 2004-2010. I can’t remember any build-a-sounds that were especially outrageous. My favorite was when the parents really didn’t care, so the kid would record something long, rambling, and odd. The sound costs $8 back then, so almost as much as some bears, but the parents would just shrug it off as the kids screamed some random message."

"If it was an important message, like a proposal, I would try to persuade people to just buy the sound box, then go record it at home, and come back another day to make the bear. People don’t realize that Build-a-Bears are hella loud. Those stuffy machines were basically vacuums and playing your build-a-sound while standing next to vacuum and gaggles of children is not a great representation of what you’ve just recorded. It is going to play back LOUD. We’d have people record in the bathroom regularly, which was better than recording in the store, but very echoey."

– FattyOlive

Oliver, The Sardonic Bear

"Customer, not worker, but John Oliver has a comedy sketch about when he moved from the UK to New York and he was feeling really lonely, so his friends got him a present: a Build-a-Bear that said 'You will die, alone, in a dark, cold room.' That's friendship for you."

"Well, my sister thought it was hilarious, so I went and did it for her. You get some weird looks at the store, but even as she moved across the country from me, she took it with her and cherished that someone cared enough about her to build a stuffed bear telling her she would die alone to satisfy her sense of humor."

"She named the bear Oliver."

– Mijal

A Parent Bonds With Their Daughter

"My daughter when she was 11- in a creepy voice, 'Get your Paws offa me!' We laughed like idiots, playing it over and over on the way home. Her mom did not share our humor. We still laugh about it 15 years later, but I'm pretty sure wife burned the bear."

– Old_Study2105

Pleasure Bear

"Yesterday, a high schooler came in and wanted to record anime moans from his phone. BaB vetoes some recordings..."

– Mucidia

Get A Clue

"I mean probably not weird but I set up a scavenger hunt for my wife each clue solved gave her a letter collect all five letters and solve the cryptex."

"The clue I gave her was something like 'the beating source of life needs to be removed, do you have the stomach to do what you must?' I wrote the letter on the little heart they put on it and they sealed it up. I recorded the jigsaw quote I want to play a game' on the speaker and when she found the stuffed dog it had a picture of jigsaw and a knife."

– turk_turklton

Introducing, "Suitcase"

"My bear didn’t say anything he just mooed like a cow. I also named him suitcase."

– ecargrace

On the flip side, memorial bears are a poignant options for those in grief.

A Boy Memorialized

"My son works at BaB. His very first day of work he had to build a memorial bear. The mother and grandmother came in with a voice recording of the little boy who died of cancer. It was a recording of the kid saying he was brave and loved his life."

– MyPonyMeeko

Grandma's Heartbeat

"I can't count the number of memorial bears Ive made."

"Most recently had a family bring in a recording of their grandma's heartbeat to make a bear for each grandkid."

"I think the weirdest one I got was a couple preteens recording a tiktok onto the build a sound. I'm not sure exactly what was on it, but they were really awkward about it, so I ended up turning the computer down really low so it didn't project through the whole store. I made an extra effort to not squeeze the sound as I put it in the paw."

"Us Bear Builders have lots of stories. Some good, some sad, some downright terrifying."

– Raisyk

A Gift For A Bereaved Mother

"I had a lady come in to make a memorial bear for the mother of a baby who died, she put an audio recording of the baby crying."

– Bartok_and_croutons

Auditory Reminder

"Definitely not creepy. We had our baby’s heartbeat recorded during an ultrasound and put it into a stuffed animal. My newborn daughter passed away a few weeks after delivery and now that heartbeat is something we have to remind us of her."

– BigCaT31

It's no wonder that BaB toys are so popular.

It's next-level roses and chocolates gift-giving option for all occasions.

Of course, it's also a huge opportunity for vexatious customers to exploit the personalizing feature for their dirty deeds.

Which customer are you?

Want to "know" more?

Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.

Things That Are Killing Dating In The Modern Age

Reddit user princeflare asked: 'What do you think is the true killer of modern dating?'

We can all agree that, while it's supposed to be fun, navigating the dating scene is hard.

But since the world has never before seen the technological tools it has at its disposal now, never before will we have seen how this technology could impact our relationships.

But it goes much deeper than people sitting in the same room with each other while only engaging with their screens.

Seeming to be getting fed up with the dating scene, Redditor princeflare asked:

"What do you think is the true killer of modern dating?"

No Third Places Left

"A lot of commenters are saying "dating apps" but I think that misses the mark. The true culprit is the loss of community and, as someone else mentioned, the Third Place. We wouldn't need dating apps if people were still able to meet organically as much as we used to."

- RedOliphant

Fear of Being Approached

"A lot of women nowadays freak out if asked out even organically. A friend and I were at the bar a bit before the pandemic and we were having a good time and started talking with a mixed group near us. Eventually, groups merged and we were all having fun."

"We ended up having a lot of conversations with two of the girls in that group. One went to the bathroom and the other right after she left was all like, 'You should totally ask out my friend,' and all that."

"Fast forward through the night, and eventually, we are playing pool, and that girl and I are kinda in the corner by ourselves, so I asked her for her number."

"She just freaked out, like, 'I gotta get out of here' style freakout."

"We hung out for like two hours, laughed together multiple times, we're were in public place near people she knows, we had a small bit of physical contact initiated by her, her friend thought I should ask her out, I didn't do it within earshot of everyone to not put her on the spot, etc. I very much can't imagine a scenario where I could make someone more comfortable beforehand."

"I'm married now to a great woman but when you try off dating apps and it's looking like the stars aligned and you get that response, it's just like, what the h**l is wrong with people."

- ThatOtherOneReddit

"Wow, just when you think the signs couldn’t be any clearer, she pulled a complete 180."

"Glad you ended up finding someone good, though."

- SleeplessShinigami

What (True Crime Podcasts) Heck?

"Is it crazy to link the explosion to true crime content and it largely being consumed by women to their fear of an organic dating scene in the last 20 years?"

"I’ve heard some crazy stats about women EATING up true crime content which can induce paranoia, I listened to that s**t for a summer and couldn’t look behind myself at night as a 6’2 male, lol (laughing out loud). Terrible and anxiety-causing stuff."

- Mositesophagus

"Dude, not at all crazy to link it all together. I actually had to have a small intervention with my ex-girlfriend a couple years ago because all she listened to was podcasts about murder... etc. and she was becoming so insecure and anxious, and it absolutely was changing her personality and sense of safety."

"We even had a similar talk about following nothing but Instagram models… things like that will completely warp your view of the world."

- DaUnionBaws

"Not crazy at all. Studies have shown that watching crime dramas, the news, and true crime type stuff can all lead to unrealistic perceptions on how dangerous the world actually is."

- DumatRising

Too Many Options

"The true killer of modern dating is the paradox of choice, where endless options often lead to indecision and commitment issues."

- Isabella_XS

"It's amusingly called a frictionless market. There's no cost in continuing to look for the 'perfect' partner, so people skip over the good matches they could build a happy life with."

"I wanted to add: There seems to be some confusion about what the costs are, and what the side-effects of this scenario are. In a non-frictionless market, there's a cost in time and effort to continue looking."

"For example, if you're looking for a perfect apple, and you can't find it in your store, you drive to store after store. That costs time, gas, etc., costs that you don't have in online dating, because to continue looking is just another swipe on the dating app. So there's no deterrent to continue looking because to continue looking is 'free.'"

"The side-effects are around failure to have successful relationships, emotional costs due to frustrated expectations and relationships."

- CreakyBear

Lack of Shared Experiences

"Call me old-fashioned, but it’s the complete lack of mystique, in my opinion. Part of the fun of dating pre-internet was learning about a person and getting to know them through conversation and shared experience."

"We are more connected than ever before but there is a loneliness epidemic happening. It all seems so cheap and seedy nowadays."

- Due-Explanation6717

"I'd add getting to know them by actually talking to them instead of sleuthing around to find stuff about their life."

- Vivid-Ears

"Totally agreed. Shared experiences are such a huge factor, and nobody wants to give anyone time anymore."

- kkc0722

Level Up: Dating Gamification

"The gamification of swiping left or right on hundreds of profiles based off of two-second first impressions, typing one-word messages, and then ghosting them or unmatching because you’re bored. Not treating them like actual humans. There’s always a new profile to move onto."

"I say this as someone who literally met their current spouse on Tinder, but online dating apps are (for the most part) very demoralizing. I couldn’t wait to get off the app and meet up in person to have a real human connection."

- hobbitybobbit

"This really rings true to me. I was already with my husband when dating apps took off. I vividly remember watching some friends check their apps and just saying, 'Nope, nope, ew, doesn’t make enough money, too short, nope.' It was all based on their immediate impression of the photo and bio."

"Then they’d start messaging someone and obsessing over exactly what to say, how quickly to reply, what did the other person mean by that. There was so much analysis and decision-making before they ever met someone in person."

"I know several couples who met online and have great relationships, so it can work for some people, but I know many more who have struggled with online dating."

- packofkitens

"I think this is definitely it. My husband and I met on Tinder, but he doesn't even have social media, and I only use it to post big things like our wedding and literally nothing else. So not avidly. Our first date was like five days after we matched and moving off the app to meeting in person definitely changes the dynamic and trust and should be done as soon as possible."

"Social media is a killer of interpersonal connections and has created a shallow society."

- IAmOnTheRunAndGo

Getting Paid to Date... or... Paying... to Date... Wait, What?

"If we consider that modern dating is largely just online dating at this point."

"Then the clearcut killer of modern dating to me is monetization. A decade ago Tinder was AWESOME. It was very easy to match with people, land dates, and participate in hook-up culture if you wanted to. OKCupid was fun and based on personality, lifestyle, and chemistry. Bumble was a decent alternative to Tinder."

"Then they all I think got bought out by one company and all started to care more about profit than purpose."

"Bumble, you get like ten likes a day max. Sometimes five. It’s inconsistent."

"Tinder you have a ton of bots and ads and spam accounts. You have to pay money to access the same features that you got for free before."

"OkCupid went away with their great formula and went for a swipe feature instead and now it sucks."

"Hinge could be good but it locks away the most essential, basic filters for finding suitable dates behind a paywall."

- StayWinning100x

Work-Life-Dating Balance

"Work-life balance. People are too tired or too broke to go out and do things. Any spare time and you are just too tired to want to do anything. This is how dating apps took off and led to objectification and judging people in five seconds."

- AShadowinthedark

"Yeah. It’s so exhausting to do anything after work. Friday is just recovering Saturday is the day to do everything and Sunday is for preparation for the week. How can you get the time to get to know new people?"

- beholderost

"Oh gosh, I thought I was alone in this! The couple of times I have started seeing someone I end up completely overwhelmed because I never get a day to just do nothing. I’m too tired during the week, so would have to cram seeing family, and friends, and going on a date on a weekend. I feel much more relaxed single."

"I wish I could’ve met someone in school where it seems like it was much easier to see them during the week."

- OrangeTree81

The Search for Perfection

"The fact that, thanks to a steady diet of social media and brain-dead entertainment, everybody seems to think that they deserve a partner that checks all the items in their cartoonishly unrealistic list of requisites while at the same time they, at their best, would have basically f**k all to offer their fantastical ideal partner in return. And odds are they're not at their best anyway, so they have even less than f**k all to offer."

"And to top it off, everybody seems to think that this imaginary ideal partner should put in all the work and effort in the relationship, including pursuing them before the relationship even starts, while they sit back and do, well, f**k all."

- Tough_Stretch

"'You’re not perfect, sport, and let me save you the suspense, this girl you met isn’t, either. The question is, whether or not you’re perfect for each other...' I think that quote is what people miss."

- Believeland99

The Need to Share

"Social media and dating apps. How on earth is not broadcasting your life a red flag? To me, that is a neon green flag."

"The last place I would look for love is on an app. Maybe I am old-fashioned... the instant filtering is just plain weird."

- sporks_and_forks

Increased Opportunities to Cheat

"I've been cheated on in every relationship I’ve ever been in because of Instagram and Snapchat, obviously not 'because,' but they make cheating a lot easier and seemingly less 'painful,' which it’s not."

"I’m sick and tired of this s**t, man. I just want a loyal woman in my life, I’m tired of being f**king hurt. All my friends have been cheated on at least once, some physically and most on social media. Mine all of the above. So tired of it, for real, man."

"Where the f**k did true, loyal, adorable love go?"

- Critical-Balance2747

Knowing Your Worth

"I would say egos, and people that think they have a high perceived value to the point they feel like others should bend over backwards to be in their presence."

- halle1111

"I've been saying this for years. The phrase 'know your worth' is ingrained into everybody nowadays, but nobody is willing to have a frank conversation with themselves about what they are worth."

- Beneficial-Cucumber

Too Many Main Characters for One Story

"Main Character Syndrome."

- Logical-Wasabi7402

"I came here to say this, you know, one NPC (Non-Player Character) to another."

- Tight-Context9426

One Word: Escapism

"I mean, life in general. But getting more specific, I'd say escapism. Social media, gaming, drugs and alcohol. It's all a way to escape reality and while it feels good in the moment, it takes you away from the process of growing as a person and growing with another person."

"It causes resentment, contempt, f**ks with insecurities, and has shifted the point of partnership from PARTNERSHIP to access. We're all traumatized and we're all running from something."

- ProduceDue7659

We Just Need a Nap

"We're tired, boss. Just plain worn out, burnt out, run down tired. Work-life balance is dead, society is mentally draining, and literally everything worth doing costs money. When the h**l are you supposed to meet that person when you get home from work and immediately go to bed so you can be up at 4:30 A.M. to do it again tomorrow?"

- Nkechinyerembi

"This is everything, buddy. I feel this and I don't see my self getting married and for sure not having kids. I don't want to introduce a new life into a decaying world that refuses to fix its older generations' mistakes. This whole attitude of 'I will be dead before it effects me' f**king sucks."

- pixelsandfilm

It's totally understandable that each generation, with its own priorities and relationship with technology, will see a shift in how their social lives look.

All of that being said, it's still surprising how extensive of a reach technology and social media now have in our dating lives, going from people not really knowing how someone looks until seeing their in-person... to hardly ever have the opportunity to see them in-person anyway.

Stack of lego building blocks
Photo by Xavi Cabrera on Unsplash

It's not uncommon for certain products to end up being used for purposes different than their initial intention.

Cotton swabs, or Q-tips, are the prime example, as nearly all who buy them use them to clean earwax from their ears despite the box expressly warning customers not to.

Then there are the products made for specific customers but whose clientele proves to be quite different from their initial target market.

Specifically, things or experiences intended for children but primarily enjoyed by adults, ruining any excitement the young folk may have had about them.

Redditor opposeThem was curious to hear about all the things magic grown-ups stole away from children, leading them to ask:

"What was meant for kids but adult consumers hijacked it and ruined it?"

Who Doesn't Need Something Soft And Cuddly Every Now And Then...

"Squishmallows."

"People trying to resell these literal stuffies 3x the price online."- sighcommagroan

Seems Like They Were Looking For The Wrong Kind Of Bears...

"Build A Bear."

"As a former employee I don't care if you came in and bought some stuff animals."

"Hell, there's some cool ones like Pokémon."

"HOWEVER, just cuz I worked there doesn't mean I have a whole collection myself and watch every show and movie that's partnered with the company."

"Yes I was an adult man working at a stuffed animal store."

"Yes I bought a couple Pokémon for myself."

"'No I don't wanna hear another grown man passionately talk to me about My Little Pony and PLEASE I DON'T WANT TO SEE A CUTIE MARK TATTOO YOU HAVE ON YOUR A** CHEEK EVEN IF THERE'S NO KIDS IN THE STORE CURRENTLY."- That_Guy_Pen

Fun Can't Be Forced

"After school hobbies!"

"Around the age of 47, I decided to pick up guitar again."

"So I went to a local school and enrolled as an adult."

"I would see parents harassing their kids and berating them for not being better."

"I think the majority of them have lost the idea that extracurricular activities are too help your child out of their shell and also to have fun."

"Not to make them a professional of any sort or the best of the best of the best."- BisquickNinja

I Mean, They Are Pretty Cute

"Minions."- aprairiehocompanion

"I remain baffled as to how and why minions, of all things, became the thing of choice for unfunny boomer memes."- moonbunnychan

Collect Them All... To Sell Them Later...

"Every card hobby."

"It’s literally just about prices now."- lol022

"Pokémon Cards."

"Scalpers were so down horrendous they were raiding McDonald's during the pandemic."- Sol-Blackguy

ash ketchum pokemon GIFGiphy

Silly Rabbit...

"Trix."- Dont-ask-me-ever

"When I was a kid I felt so bad for that rabbit."

"I still don’t understand the idea behind that marketing campaign."

"Was it- being greedy and mean is hilarious."

"Buy our cereal?

"Just give the bunny some cereal you sadistic little sh*ts."

"They ran an ad for a little while that was a campaign that allowed you to vote on whether or not the rabbit would get some Trix."

"I think you had to mail in a box top with your vote or something."

"I voted 'share' with all of my sensitive little heart."

“'Greed' won by a landslide."

"That’s when I first became disillusioned with voting and people in general."- Iamtevya

You Can Keep The House, But You Can't Take My Babies...

"Beanie Baby collectors."- bigredthesnorer

" [A] photo of a divorcing couple dividing their beanie baby collection in court always makes me laugh."

"So ridiculous that people thought they were like stocks."- Delores_Herbig

Beanie Babies GIF by HBO MaxGiphy

Influencer Culture...

"Childhood."

"Parents who film their kid’s lives for likes and subs are sh*tty."- da_predditor

The Edward Vs. Jacob Fued Will Never End...

"YA books."

"I'm an adult that reads them."

"But the characters are TEENAGERS."

"People get upset that teenagers act like teenagers, in books targeted at... you guessed it, teenagers."- PumpkinPieIsGreat

So Much For Love Of The Game...

"Youth sports."

"When I was a kid 30 years ago, you’d have a practice or 2 a week plus a game on Saturday."

"Then if you loved sports, you’d get together with buddies in your ample free time and mess around playing super fun pick up games."

"Now, many kids are having full weekend tournaments like every weekend."

"And tons of practices.'

"They rarely have the free time to just play with their friends for the fun of it."

'Sure they are better athletes than we were, but are they better off?"- omgphilgalfond

homer simpson pitcher GIFGiphy

Can You Say "Re-Sale?"...

"Pretty much any kids' toy."

"The scalpers are working harder than ever to f*ck it up."

"Video games?'

"Check."

"Pokémon/whatever is popular cards?"

"Check."

"Lego sets?"

"Check as f*ck."

"Fuzzy egg furby like critters?"

"Check check."

"If scalpers can leech money out of people with it, they'll do it."- chris14020

Car Salespeople Can Be Ruthless...

"Hot wheels."- Snow-Dog2121

"Worst memory I have of comic con."

"An exhibitor gave a kid what must’ve been an exclusive at their booth."

"Grown men rushing and crowding the kid pressuring him to sell his toy."

"His parents moved him away promptly but I imagine he was shaken up by the experience."

"Went from a cool moment of unexpectedly getting a toy to grown weirdos getting in his face."- Dwike2

Where To Even Begin?

"Harry Potter vibrating broomstick."- PursuitTravel

"I have one found at Goodwill about 11 years ago."

"I'm a big HP fan, and I was excited to buy it."

'I realized it turned on, and I was hoping for cool sound effects, I was disappointed it only vibrated."

"I remember looking it up online just to check out info on it and found out why it was discontinued shortly after its release, thought never occurred to me until then."- Necranissa

Harry Potter Halloween GIFGiphy

One has to wonder how the manufacturers or marketing departments feel about these alternative uses?

Sadly, one can only guess that as long as they are turning a profit, they couldn't care less...



There are some great mysteries in this world that will most likely never be solved in our lifetime.

What happens after we die? Who really built Stonehenge? Are there other lifeforms in outer space?

The fact that these not only will, but as of now, CAN never be solved is what fascinates us most.

There are other unsolved mysteries, however, which we view with far more sadness than we do fascination.

Owing to the fact that these mysteries could have, or even still can, be solved but for whatever reason, remain unsolved.

Redditor Shafiq09 was curious to hear the most disturbing and unsettling unsolved mysteries that may never be solved, leading them to ask:

"What is the most unsettling unsolved mystery that you're aware of?"

Missing Accomplice

"This guy broke into a house, killed the single mom, mom's friend, the son, the family dog, and kidnapped the teenage daughter."

"Dismembered the bodies and hid them."

"The girl didn't need to testify in his trial (he pled guilty), but read a letter during his sentencing saying that she knows he had help disposing of the bodies of her family because while she was still tied up in their house, she heard him making phone calls and heard at least one other person show up."

"She heard this person(s) talking, walking around and helping him with the bodies."

"Local pd & prosectutor just wanted a quick & easy trial and conviction, so they swept a lot of details under the rug & the girl's claim in court that this guy had help was very quickly forgotten."- ZormkidFrobozz

9 Mysterious Years...

"The disappearance (and short-lived reappearance) of Johnny Gosch."

"He disappeared one day while delivering newspapers."

"Police did very little to try to solve the crime."

"Nine years later his mother reports that Johnny showed up on her doorstep and explains that he had been held in slavery for the last 9 years."

"Authorities basically say she's making it up and have done no investigating."- in-a-microbus

Gross

"Someone keep sh*tting in the holes at the local golf course."

"Been going on for the last twenty years bastard has never been caught."- Odd_Associate8272

Never Came Home

"Old neighbours of ours had their 18-year-old daughter disappear."

"She left work one evening and never made it home."

"No body was ever found either."

"I heard the police have a suspect but not enough evidence to do anything more."- AmigaBob

Long Day At The Beach

"The Beamont children, three young siblings that disappeared in 1966 from Glenelg Beach."- homlessoverland

In The Middle Of The Night...

"Another one is of the Springfield three."

"A woman, her daughter and daughter's friend went missing from their home in the middle of the night with no signs of struggle or major evidence left behind."

"It's been so long since it happened so the chances of this case ever being solved is meager."- epilogueteen

So many Questions...

"One night my husband and I woke up hearing a woman screaming, 'Help me!' "

"He rushed to the window (we’re on the second floor) and saw a car drive past with a woman in a dress hanging on the hood."

"The car sped through the intersection by our place and careened off with her screaming on it."

"We called the police and told them which way it was going and then jumped on our bicycles and rode around the neighborhood to see if she’d fallen off."

"Never found her."

"Never found any news of her."

"I’ve always wondered what happened to her."

"That was over a decade ago."- 2manybirds23

Mysteries of Biology...

"At what point did the brain realize its own consciousness?"

"I find it fascinating."- KinOuttaHer

Paying For Religious Freedom...

"How Scientology still has tax-free status in the USA."- sqoo-5900

And, For That Matter, What Made Them Start?

"Why did the Zodiac Killer and Jack the Ripper stop killing?"

"They were never caught. They could have kept at it."

"So what made them stop?"- AggressiveOkra

Twinkle Twinkle

"I can't remember exactly what star it was, but there was a star deep in space that astrophysicists saw as relatively unremarkable."

"Just another star they were monitoring."

"Anyway, one day, all was normal, it was in the correct position."

"The next day, they were monitoring all the stars, and this one star had just disappeared."

"Poof."

"No one could figure out why. It could have been that it went supernova, but if it had, they would have seen the residue and the massive explosion, plus all the gaseous residue."


"So it can't have gone bang."

"They also hypothesized that maybe a civilisation had constructed a Dyson sphere (a large construction made to harvest all of a stars potential energy), but if so, it would have been more than likely that we would have seen the star slowly disappear, the light fading as the civilization constructed the Dyson sphere."

"Now, of course, according to the Kardashev scale, there could well be a civilization so advanced that they could have just constructed the entire sphere in a matter of seconds, but we'll never know."

"On that subject, that same civilization could have just absorbed the star instantly to use its power."

"They thought that maybe, other extrasolar objects were just blocking its view somehow, so they continued to monitor its location."

"It never came back."

"Somewhere, out there, a star just miraculously disappeared without a trace."

"And we will never know how or why."

"That's what's so disturbing to me."

"We have such amazing technology to monitor objects millions of light years away, yet we cannot figure out why a star just disappeared without a trace."

"And we may never know."- TheoCross3

No Justice For Their Families

"I have three I'm very invested in."

"One, who murdered Joseph Zarelli (aka the Philadelphia boy formerly known as the 'Boy in the Box')."

"Two, what happened to missing Oklahoma teenagers Ashley Freeman and Lauria Bible and who murdered the rest of the Freeman family."

"And three, who murdered the Short family of Henry County, Virginia."- arcana07

The truth behind these mysteries is out there somewhere.

Whether anyone will find it, however, is also a mystery that may never be solved.


Wait, What? People Share The Most Idiotic Rules They Ever Had To Follow
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Rules are stupid. Okay, maybe not always—plenty of rules exist for a good reason. However, everybody knows that there is nothing worse than a dumb rule, especially when it's at school or work. From the cringe-worthy to the downright creepy, here are the most idiotic rules people on Reddit have experienced.

We Jammin

a white and black printer sitting on top of a counterPhoto by engin akyurt on Unsplash

We are not allowed to refer to the Xerox Machine as "Bob Marley" anymore even though it still jams way more than it Xeroxes. This is because apparently, the CEO had a tween daughter come one day and she got very upset when she thought the staff was keeping her from seeing Bob Marley in real life. She did not know that Bob Marley is not alive. This stressed out the CEO and he yelled at us about the nickname, no now, the Xerox machine is just "the Xerox machine."

ekumenor

Trees Have Feelings Too

At my elementary school, we had a very strict no snowball policy. This doesn't mean “no throwing snowballs at people”; this means picking up snow and forming a ball is not allowed. So anyway, in Grade 6, my friends and I were throwing snowballs at a tree for fun one day. We got caught in the act and had to write a letter apologizing and explaining why it was wrong and whose feelings we hurt. I wrote the tree.

Permalink

The Importance Of Shorts

I went to a catholic school from first to eighth grade and I think the worst was when we got a male principal and he made a rule that we were no longer allowed to wear shorts under our skirts. At the time I was only upset about it because it made no sense to me since no one could even see the shorts but once I got older, I realized just how sick it was.

Permalink

Take A Seat

I was on vacation with my girlfriend at the time, and her dad had a no peeing standing up rule. Literally, I was not allowed to pee standing up in his house. He said this to me at the beginning of the vacation, and I thought he meant to make sure the toilet seat was down after I used it since he only had daughters and wanted to protect them or something. But no—it was so much weirder than I thought.

So, one time when I was peeing standing up, as any man would, my girlfriend's mom says from outside the door that she can hear someone peeing while standing up. Still taking this as a joke, I admitted that it was me. I then got a 30-minute lecture on how I should obey his rules and not pee standing up. Still one of my biggest WTF moments in a relationship.

Triumph_4_eva

Don’t Stop To Smell The Flowers

My very first job at 15 was at a florist. I was paid under the table, and as a result, didn't really have any rights as a worker. The hours were normal full-time hours, 8 per day, but I wasn't allowed to take any breaks. I could only use the restroom once during my entire shift. I wasn't allowed to speak to anyone besides the owner, and I couldn't look at the flowers.

Breaking one of these rules would result in $15 taken off my "paycheck" (per incident) at the end of the week. I was making $5/hour at the time, so the penalties were huge. Sometimes I'd get paid for the week and would only get around $50. When I asked why, she'd say she caught me looking at the flowers for too long while I was sweeping or cleaning.

slidewithme

The Tardy Table

man and woman sitting on chairsPhoto by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash

At my high school, when someone was late, they would just have the teacher mark "tardy" on their computer. Most students were never more than a minute late. They just couldn't get to class fast enough and would walk in 30 seconds late or so. Our principal had the brilliant idea of instead having a "Tardy Table" all the way across the school where students would go, line up, and register as being tardy.

If you were late to class, the teacher would send you to the tardy table instead of just marking you late themselves. Instead of having a teacher mark the one or two people who showed up tardy to their class, you had late students from ALL classes lining up to register as tardy with only one person to process them at the tardy table.

The result was students ending up 15-30 minutes late to class because they were waiting in line to register as tardy. The parents were not pleased, but the principal insisted that it would reduce the number of students who were late overall. I'm not sure if they kept it or not. The tardy table was started just a few months before I quit school.

Permalink

The Company That Aims For Less Efficiency

I was temping for a company in a data entry role. They had some standardized input on their website for inquiries and it got parsed into an excel spreadsheet for some reason. I wrote a macro that sucked all of the data out, which meant you could zip through about ninety forms a minute. What a relief it was.

The people the company employed FULL TIME to deal with these forms complained to the IT manager (one of them was married to the IT manager), and I was lectured about how my efficiency would cost people their jobs and had my internet access restricted for six weeks. A little bit too backward for my taste.

Permalink

The Dangers Of Circles

In my elementary school in Canada, we were not allowed to form circles. During recess and such as you get older, you kind of get into that whole "oh look at me I’m getting older and cooler and I just stand around and talk with people instead of messing around in the snow" type of thing, and apparently, us forming circles was a safety hazard because supervising teachers couldn’t see anything going on in the middle of the circle

I mean, god forbid, what if we were making a circle inside of THAT circle?

Bears_beets

That’s Just Plain Dangerous

I am an EMS helicopter pilot. I fly with Night Vision Goggles. Problem: The FAA rules for using NVG's state that the aircraft must also be equipped with a working radar altimeter. So, if I am flying over the Sierra Nevada mountains on a pitch-black night and the radar altimeter fails…I have to remove the night vision goggles.

vertibard

Attack Of The Colors

In my sophomore year of high school, our old principal got a promotion to the district office. He was replaced by someone who had literally just moved to the area and knew next to nothing of the well-established culture of our small town. After a few weeks, he noticed a "problem" around the campus. This is where the fun starts.

He saw many people wearing purple and gold in copious amounts, often in ridiculous ways every Friday, and he was sure it had to be related to gang involvement. Rather than ask anyone about it, he called an "emergency assembly" in which he lectured us all about the seriousness of this issue.

He informed us that, from that point on, if anyone were to wear either of these colors at school, they would be put in detention for the remainder of the day, and their parent or guardian would have to come to pick them up. People laughed and rebelled, wearing more purple and gold on more days, and the detention room was overflowing almost every day.

Two months later, he found out that purple and gold were our school colors. People were dressing up like that on Fridays to show support and pride for whatever sports team had a game that day, as was the tradition of our town for the past 60 years or so. To show how stupid he felt, he called another emergency assembly to apologize, to which he wore a purple and gold clown suit and a dunce cap.

12_Baconed_Narwhals

In The Name Of Security

three people sitting in front of table laughing togetherPhoto by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

At my former company, much of my work depended on being able to send and receive email; yet no one except management level was allowed to have their own email address, or even access the outside internet through the company LAN. I was inside an office and had to surreptitiously filch a phone line and get on my own personal dialup account to do my job. Protests to management, of course, proved fruitless; it was all in the name of "security."

The2belo

Step-Grandmommy Dearest

When I was about 10, my stepfather's mother would babysit us for several days or sometimes even weeks at a time because my mother wasn't in the picture and my step-father had many business trips. Alright, that’s life. It wouldn’t have been so bad...if she wasn’t completely crazy. She had a rule that if we weren't eating a meal or sleeping, we weren't allowed to be in the house.

This was normally fine, but we were living in Virginia at the time. There was a bad snow storm one winter, and we were out of school for three weeks. This rule still applied then, even with several feet of snow on the ground. Luckily, my best friend's mother was really awesome and would let us come down to her house every day. She fed us lunch and let us watch movies.

Pushing Their Employees To Breakdown

I worked for an inbound call center dealing with the mental health benefits of a certain health insurance company. They had these things called alerts on various accounts, which would give us important instructions like "this group has NO inpatient benefits!" or "this employer does not want us using the word 'eligibility' under ANY circumstances!"

You didn't have to work there very long to familiarize yourself with the alerts for most of the regular accounts that called in. The crazy rule was that you still had to READ the alerts FOR EVERY CALL. Not just click the link and immediately click away–they actually monitored your screen and counted how long you stayed on that page, whether you scrolled down, etc. and expected you to actually re-read every single alert for every single account on every single call.

When upwards of 10 calls every day are coming from the same account, this gets to be EXTREMELY ANNOYING AND STUPID. Of course, this place had a THIRTY-SEVEN step call flow process (as in, 37 things that you had to do for every call), so every call was full of superfluous bureaucratic stuff like this, but the alerts thing was the worst.

I ended up having to go on short-term disability from stress because of all the stuff they made us go through, and eventually I quit after a few months of passive-aggressively refusing to do the parts of the call process that I found pointless/redundant/stupid, and simply taking the hits on my audit scores.

dietutako

Chinese No Take-Out

Once I worked at a Chinese restaurant where if you forgot to put rice on each customer's table–white or brown rice that was free–the owner expected you to buy the entire table's meal. He implemented this rule by taking the money out of your paycheck. It happened to me once in the six months I was there.

The one time that it actually happened to me, they told me to pay the $50 tab for the table. Yeah, that’s not going to happen. That’s a crazy amount of money when you consider the job I was working. I told them if they enforce that rule, I'd walk out in the middle of service. They didn't enforce the rule. I continued my shift.

narcohobo

Sway Loose

In my high school, students would link arms and sway side to side to show school support when the school song was played. One year, we got a new principal who immediately banned swaying due to its suggestive nature. “Any student caught swaying will be suspended.” And we WERE! This was 1972. He was fired in 1973.

Fast Forward to 2002, and my oldest child had this "weird substitute" teacher in one of her high school classes. She thought he was peculiar, commenting about how strange his rules were and that he had a bad attitude. When she said his name, all I could do was laugh. I couldn’t believe it. It was my old principal!

Permalink

NO TOAST!

brown and black bread on white ceramic platePhoto by مشعل زاهد on Unsplash

Working for a 600+ employee marcomms group in the UK: They did free breakfasts for all employees but absolutely no toast was allowed (including toasters) because the CEO hated the smell of toast and thought it made people look unprofessional. This has since been relaxed, I believe, but it was that way for years.

Watch Your Step

In our student handbook at my high school, I found this gem: “Any step measuring longer than 2 feet is to be considered running indoors and to be punished appropriately.” As a 6-foot-tall person with knee problems, basically every step I take is more like 3 feet. The school gave me an in-school suspension for 2 days. Logically, I then organized a 'long step' protest and got about 70 people to take large, exaggerated steps down the main hallway.

absoluteblack

It Was A State-Sponsored Cult

I was in Katimavik, which is a Canadian program that is basically a government-sanctioned cult, where youth 17-22 get to travel to three places in Canada doing volunteer work. They cover your transportation, housing, and activities, and you get an "allowance" of $3 a day. It sounds great if you want to travel and have no savings.

However! They have some bizarre rules, which make it sort of like a hippie commune where everyone is supposed to love everyone else equally. You are not allowed to have close friends, OR love partners. At all. So here we were, a bunch of 17-22-year olds, stuck in rural Manitoba in -45 degree winter, no TV or recreation at the house, except lots of snow. And cows. What do you think happened?

Out of 11 people, 8 of them hooked up. We had to meet each other in secret because we would get disciplined if it was found out. On our "weekend off" a bunch of us decided to get hotel rooms, and GASP!, couples shared rooms. Our group leader disciplined us, and gave us "strikes." I already had two strikes for insignificant things, so I was told to leave the program.

I was also disciplined because I spent too much time hanging out with a female friend, instead of like, six people at once singing in a circle like they wanted us to do. It was a pretty bizarre social experiment, kind of like Big Brother. Except nobody wins.

NotUnderYourBed

Hunting Privileges

All you city folk might think that this is idiotic, but I think it's pretty sweet. At my redneck high school out in the sticks, there were three categories on the attendance sheet. Present, absent, and hunting. For a month in the fall, students would not get in trouble for being absent if they were out hunting!

RoughestNeckAround

Cornering The Cashiers

I worked at a grocery store in Missouri where we got a new front-end manager who was an absolute tyrant. We had to stand in front of our registers with our hands crossed and were not allowed to speak to any of the other cashiers (whether there were customers or not) and if we spoke to the baggers we were written up.

After about 5 write-ups (I treated the baggers like they were actually humans) I contacted the union and she was torn apart.

Seiffer55

Desks Need Loving Too

books and pencil on wooden tablePhoto by ROBIN WORRALL on Unsplash

As a public school teacher, we have what is referred to as "desk warming" where we have to come into school during vacation time to literally sit at our desks. The students are gone, nothing is going on. Our contracts only give a limited amount of vacation time so when our vacation time is up, we must be back in school...students or not.

Pablo_the_bear

There Is Time For Juice

My dad had some insane rules but my favorite one is regarding juice. He goes crazy on me whenever I drink fresh fruit juice after midday because according to him “fresh juice is for breakfast.” I’ve never really gotten that one, but now that I've moved out, I can enjoy orange juice whenever I want. Oh yeahhhh!

Taking Clapping Seriously

I went to a private Baptist school during my freshman year of high school. Whenever we had an assembly and it was time to clap our hands for someone who had just spoken or performed, we would have to all clap our hands in unison. It would be led by the insane pastor's wife. She felt normal clapping was too chaotic. It was the weirdest thing I've ever witnessed.

disgustipate

Not Appreciating Pidgin

I worked in an international organization for a few years and spoke to people from pretty much every European country, generally in English. Afterward, I was in the UK and got hired by a company there to help them expand their European business. When I started to call people in other European countries from the new job my new bosses started to look oddly at me, then afterward took me aside and told me I had to stop talking to people in a patronizing way.

I was pretty confused but I worked out after a bit that, like most people that have worked in multinational situations, I spoke "International English" when with non-natives. That is to say, speaking a little more clearly, with more obvious gaps between words, a tiny bit slower, and with a slightly smaller vocabulary.

By slowing things down and speaking this way, it makes it much easier for people to understand than if speaking rapid English as I would down the pub. Having been told off for it, I tried to explain, but my bosses were adamant it was a bad thing to do. Apparently, they believed that people were being made to feel dumb.

I accidentally slipped into it several times and got told off each time until I trained myself back out of it, after which many clients asked me to speak more slowly because they couldn't understand me anymore.

LazyG

Look At Our Shiny Signatures

I used to work as a developer for a web content firm. Our marketing manager was obsessed with two things–awards and email signatures. She managed to combine the two into a hideous mess. We had won a few big awards at a national level. We had also won lots of magazine "Best Of" type awards for garnering lots of positive reviews from blogs and personal websites.

Every time we got a new award or positive review, we had to add that to our email signatures, along with the award or blog logo. 25 images later I told the marketing manager it was getting out of hand and that big email signatures were the internet equivalent of pooping into the mouth of your friends firstborn whilst suffering from dysentery and nasty gut parasites.

She didn't care. Her response was, "We have to blow our own trumpet and let people know how great we are." To enforce the email signature rule, we had to send her two emails each day proving that our signature was correct and to her satisfaction.

MmmmBisto

Redefining Lunch Time

two children sitting beside dining tablePhoto by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Our school messed up the periods so the students who were assigned fourth-period lunch had to eat at 9.40 am. Apparently, the school is not allowed to serve lunch before 10. So, the genius administration decided to ban eating during the period until it hit 10. This included the students who packed their own lunch.

It was extra stupid because they allowed eating during study halls, so if I had a third-period study hall and wanted to have part of my lunch, it was no problem. However, as soon as I moved to the lunchroom the very next period…NO EATING. Talk about dumb!

a_tactical_waffle

Fear The Ghost

I work for a very superstitious man. He has quite a crazy set of rules. They go like this: No red pens, no shaking your legs, and no whistling after the sun goes down. These rules are not “official” but he gets stern and incredibly serious about these things. Oh yeah, and he also doesn't allow any joking about ghosts or the supernatural.

Blair-s

Not Believing In The Power Of Women

Women aren't allowed to lift anything at my job. Literally, anything. I was going to dump a trash can full of shredded paper in the dumpster last week and my boss caught me, made me put the trash can down, and go find someone to dump it for me. I was lifting the thing with one hand. It was all so ridiculous and patronizing.

As my job requires a lot of lifting and I hate asking for help constantly, I have mastered the art of picking up 50-plus pound boxes and running with them so no one catches me.

Permalink

Please Be Warned

I work construction. We're not allowed to tell the new guys how many newbies tragically lost their lives in their first week. I hate it. Young guys don't naturally think about safety, many of them think that they'll live forever. Yeah, gravity doesn't care what you think, please stay away from the ledges, and open elevator shafts.

Zombie_hate_ninjas

How Many Nurses Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?

I'm entrusted with the care of mentally handicapped clients, including being trained in first aid, CPR, and the Heimlich Maneuver. Yet, apparently changing a light bulb or adjusting the thermostat in the group home where I work is too big of a responsibility for me to be allowed to do. Instead, I have to call someone else in for the simple task.

PianoManGidley

The Consequences Of A Nap

woman in blue dress shirt and blue denim jeans standing beside brown wooden chairPhoto by Daria Pimkina on Unsplash

We weren't allowed to sit at my old job. That is ridiculous enough, but even more when you understand that our job didn't require us to walk, or stand for any particular reason. We weren't allowed to sit because a worker in the past once pushed two chairs together and took a nap. Luckily for him it was a glorious nap.

DMagis

Winter Wonder Classroom

We couldn’t wear winter clothing in class—whether it was coats, gloves, hats. All the same. The thing was, even with the heat on, it got cold inside the school during the winter because we lived in a farm town in Wisconsin. So, we just had to freeze. They said it was because winter clothing was gang clothing. Again, this was a farm town in Wisconsin.

gourbadgers

Dr. Pepper Takes On A New Meaning

No one was allowed to have nor say the word "Dr. Pepper" because it was the password to a shared Brazzers account that the administration found out about.

Kandranos

My Crazy Dad

If I was in the house, I had to be in the same room as my dad. This continued until high school. I couldn't be downstairs when he was upstairs. If he was downstairs, I had to be downstairs. If he was in the back room, I couldn't be in the front room for too long. I couldn't even nap for years (unless I was sick).

When I got a dog, I started going outside more (she was my best friend). We went everywhere together and I taught her lots of tricks and talked to her regularly. So, he also made a rule that I couldn't teach her any "tricks" if she wasn't going to listen to him when he "ordered her to do them." I also wasn't allowed to greet the dog before greeting him when I came back from school.

thestoryafter

Still Using Floppy Discs

In the English class of my Junior year of high school, we had a paper that we needed to make look nice and spiffy, with pictures and such. Floppy disks were the only "school-approved" type of storage. My paper with the pictures didn't fit on the floppy disk. I didn't even have a floppy drive in my desktop at home at the time, so a USB flash drive or email were my only options.

Accessing your personal email from school is a bad idea, so I picked up a 128mb flash drive for about $50, and started using that. The school wasn't happy at all about me installing software on the heavily restricted computers, so I was suspended for three days—at least I scored well on the stupid paper.

Then I got mentioned during an assembly a few weeks later about how people are constantly trying to install software on the school computers to benefit them. The next year, USB flash drives were necessary, and the school made that very clear.

xust

Word Trauma

a stack of three towels sitting on top of a tablePhoto by Rinku Shemar on Unsplash

I used to work at a Frisch’s, and the manager there was a total witch. She would nitpick every little thing, but one thing in specific comes to mind. She would not allow anyone to call a hand towel a rag. She policed the usage of the term religiously and if you called a towel a rag, you better be ready to get chewed out.

Permalink

Taking Video Games Seriously

We were told we could not place stuffed dolls (video game characters mostly) on top of our cubicles because it looks "unprofessional" and "people might be able to see them through the windows from outside." You would imagine that I work in a professional, corporate office. Nope. I work at a video game company.

animalsoncubes

Simpson Hater

In 2nd grade circa 1990, I had a teacher that looked like Tammy Faye Baker ask the class to raise their hands if they watched The Simpsons. I raised my hand because my parents were "with it" and I noticed about half did the same. What happened next still blows my mind to this day. She gave the declaration that those with your hands down receive extra credit and will for each week they don't watch that show.

She then went further, extending the extra credit to us watchers if we stopped watching. I told my mother and we didn't abide by it, but I'm sure a few kids did. No idea how she could prove this though to award the credit. But it was pretty much the most prime example in my life of anyone having a cow, man.

unqualifiedme

Painting The Unpaintable

For a brief point in my life, I was an apprentice in the union of operating engineers in Chicago. I had a temp job in an office building where I was supposed to repaint the equipment in the boiler room. Pipes and such, and even the concrete walls thereof. The building management wanted this and even had butt-ugly colors picked out.

The building engineers thought this was ridiculous, especially when I was told to paint even though there weren't any painting supplies or paint! To make it even worse, the corner of the ceiling had water leaking in, and apparently this happened long enough to erode the concrete and make it look like coral reef. How do you paint that when the water keeps flowing over it?

Organs

Walk This Way

I went to a junior high school with all the lockers in a big circular hallway that branched out to the rest of the school. There was a rule that you could only walk around the hallway counterclockwise. This was supposed to promote order and prevent bumping and jostling, or something like that. Good idea, right?

My locker was about 5 feet to the left of the hallway that led to my homeroom (clockwise direction). Nominally, I had to walk a full circuit of the center of the school each time I went to my locker, which I could have spat on from the first pass. I got busted for walking clockwise several times by the VP–the final straw was when I walked to my locker, backward, while holding eye contact with him.

I received a punishment and I had a meeting with the principal and my parents. The principal had a fun time explaining to my parents the rule that I had broken and even harder time convincing them of the need for further punishment. They asked me if I wanted to go to another school. Easy decision.

Permalink

Not A Strong Enough Punishment

a person with a colorful dressPhoto by Iwaria Inc. on Unsplash

At my high school, a female assistant principal was literally pulling girls aside before they entered a dance in order to check what kind of underwear they were wearing. Apparently, she didn't want students wearing thongs. I don't know if it was an official rule or not, but I have to assume it wasn't. It made national news and the principal only got demoted to a teaching position.

mattsoave

Creeping The Facebook

I went to a private Christian school and they just recently introduced a new rule after I graduated. Now, everyone in 7th grade to 12th grade is required to "friend" at least two staff members on Facebook so they can basically keep tabs on you and whether or not you're bad-mouthing the school or any teachers.

Teri928

If You’re Late, Don’t Come At All

In one of my college courses we are only allowed to be late three times without our grade being docked but allowed to miss class 6 times without our grade being docked. I'm notorious for being late, so I surpassed my 3 tardies quickly when my professor pulled me aside and told me that if I'm late again my grade will be docked—but I hadn't missed any classes yet.

So now, whenever I'm running late, I go and get a coffee instead, hang out, skip class, because overall that's better for my grade.

toasterlips

One In The Bush

I was in 2nd grade and when it came time for recess, we were all let out onto the playground field area. Well, being a dumb little kid, I didn’t realize that while on an hour-plus recess period I would have to pee. The school didn’t allow students back into the building at ALL while recess was going on. All the doors were locked and there wasn't a supervising teacher around.

Being the enterprising kid I went to the far edge of the field, found a bush, and urinated on it. Well some little witch told the teachers that I had peed on the playground (Technically true because the whole frigging field was the playground.) I was immediately marched to the principal’s office and she convened the school leadership to begin expulsion proceedings immediately.

That would have been the end of it except one little detail that they required my parents to be notified. My mom stormed into the room 10 minutes later and proceeded to yell at them about how stupid it was to not provide bathroom access to a child and then punish the child for finding a solution to the problem that wouldn't hurt anybody.

She took me home that day and we stopped for ice cream So I was happy. Shortly after this the no bathroom rule was rescinded and the principal was fired, presumably from stupidity.

seclorum

Playing It Safe Against The Rules

In high school I drove a truck, a 4-door F-250. A big truck, but it wasn't raised or anything. So, one day apparently some students were hanging out in the parking lot during break (which is verboten, apparently) and they were hiding behind my truck. Now, I always back into spaces, it makes it much safer leaving the space so I don't accidentally crush someone in a little car who cannot seem to see reverse lights.

It was one of the rules that if I drove the truck to school, I had to back in. Now, the vice principal assumed that I did this so other students could hide behind my truck during break. He brought me into the office and forbade me from backing into parking spaces at school. I explained to him why I did it, and he dismissed it, telling me "I'd have to learn how to back out of spaces someday." Actual quote. He dismissed the idea that I was actually being safer to other students and cars by backing in.

Wittlepup

Lunch Silence

woman in gray dress resting her hands on white tablePhoto by sean Kong on Unsplash

In middle school, we were allowed to talk for the first twenty minutes of our half-hour lunch, and then required to sit in absolute silence for the last ten minutes. I'm an adult now, and able to think logistically and objectively about rules that middle schoolers may get indignant about but may also be completely necessary…and I still can't figure out why that rule was in place.

Coleosis1414

Undermining Authority

During my junior year of high school, we had an assistant principal come into my math class to lecture the students on their behavior. I'll admit that the class did have behavioral issues, but myself and a handful of others weren't being problematic students. The assistant principal decided to ask everyone in the room to sign a piece of paper with a list of new rules that this class will be enforcing.

A great many of these rules were pretty ridiculous and threatening suspension for any rule violators. A few that I can still recall were: No leaving your seat under any circumstances without permission; No turning your head or breaking eye contact with the teacher; No talking to another student at any time without permission; Absolutely no speaking out in class without permission.

The entire time the assistant principal is reading off this list, I can't help but feel like I'm being unfairly punished because of the conduct problems of others. It felt to me like I was being drilled by a staff sergeant for something that I didn't do, forced to follow a ridiculously strict set of rules. Even though I really wanted to criticize this new regimen, I continued to hold my tongue.

Finally, the AP asks if anyone in the class disagrees with the new rules or feels as if they are overly harsh. Well, what do you say? Just as I had been hoping. Naturally, my hand shoots straight into the air, and I'm called on by the assistant principal. It's my time to shine—and it was amazing. I dramatically clear my throat and proceed to say:

"Please Mrs. _____, tell me if I'm reading all of this correctly...So, in the event that I needed to borrow a pencil from another student, I would first have to raise my hand to get the teacher's attention, then ask the teacher for permission to turn my head and speak with another student, and again that student would have to raise his hand and ask for permission to turn his head, next I would have to ask that student for permission to borrow his pencil, and after I would have to raise my hand and ask for the teacher's permission to sharpen said pencil…does that sound about right to you?"

The class, which had earlier been pretty somber, bursts into laughter. I'm told to immediately report to the principal's office for my statement, and I'm later suspended for two days because of it for "undermining authority."

anuglyumbrella

Too Small A Slice!

Only use one square of toilet paper. You read that right! I always spent the summer with my dad and step-mom, and one year she decided I was using too much toilet paper when I peed. Her solution was to inform me to only use one square of toilet paper, and hung post-it notes in each bathroom directly in front of the toilet so I couldn't miss it.

I don’t know about most of you ladies, but one square just doesn't cut it. I prefer to be reasonably dry down there!

Permalink

No No

I was asked to always use the word "mustn't" instead of the word "no" around a friend's child. Their reasoning? They thought it would lessen the chances of their child defiantly asserting "no!" when she got older–the age of 2 seemed to foreshadow doom in their family. I was a teenager at the time and the couple were friends of my parents.

They admonished us if we used the word "no" while they were frequently objecting "mustn't!" when the child did something they didn't like. It looked as ridiculous as it sounds but my parents didn't say anything so I just tried to keep my distance. I still think about it to this day and can’t really believe it.

ragweed

Plato’s Homework

I used to work at Plato's Closet (which is a used clothing store for teens) and they treated us pretty badly. I always felt like I was being treated like a child who is bound to misbehave at any moment. It was the first job I managed to get after graduating from college, which made it so much worse when our manager tried to make us do homework.

One day our manager comes in and tells us that our sales have been lower than usual lately, and tells us to write a two-page essay about why, what our part in it is, and what we can do to fix it. (Note—this is for a job where we were all making minimum wage, no benefits, etc.) I was livid.

starsspinningdizzy