Boyfriend Burns A Momento From GF's Dead Sister, Hoping To Reignite Her Inner Damsel In Distress Again

Boyfriend Burns A Momento From GF's Dead Sister, Hoping To Reignite Her Inner Damsel In Distress Again
upload.wikimedia.org

Here we have a person whose sister died, and she made a memorial candle to honor her memory. Her boyfriend burned the candle during a power outage because he is attracted to women who are in distress. The original poster sought advice on how to handle a very weird and potentially dangerous situation.

candlethrowaway1 wanted to update everyone - she dumped her boyfriend.

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.

Boyfriend burned a candle my deceased sister made for me because we were without power. We have a surplus of candles that he completely ignored. Can/should I forgive him for this? If so, how?

My original post was the day before Thanksgiving. Eugene and I had planned to spend Thanksgiving with my parents but that did not end up happening.

On my way home from work, I stopped at a local craft store to pick up supplies to make a new memorial candle for Carrie. Thank you /u/70ms for the amazing, heartfelt suggestion. My parents and I spend a day remembering Carrie and making a new candle using some of the wax from the original candle. I also ended up purchasing a locket and having some of the remaining wax from the candle put inside and the locket welded shut by a friend.

On the evening of my post, I got home and Eugene said he wanted to talk. I agreed we needed to clear the air before Thanksgiving so we sat in the living room and started to talk. I was not ready for what he told me.

A few commentors from my original post seemed to hit the nail on the head in a way. Eugene told me that when we first met, he was extremely turned on by the fact that I was essentially a damsel in distress. I just lost my sister recently, I was in a massive depression, I wasn't myself. And that turned him on both sexually and in a "protective" way.

Over the past few months, I've started to become more myself. I got promoted at my job, I've joined a cooking class and have gotten out more, and I've definitely moved away from being a damsel in distress in the eyes of Eugene.

He went on to explain that he burned the candle in hopes that it would throw me back into that phase because that is the only time he felt he was attracted to me. That's right, he is not attracted to me unless I'm upset, crying, and a damsel in distress. When I prodded for more information, he told me that every one prior to me that he had dated had either just experienced a loss or was "in need of rescuing".

Eugene told me he was no longer attracted to me. He dreaded having sex with me because he could no longer be the "hero" that was rescuing me which is what turned him on in the first place. He didn't like go in public with me because I had started to put myself together more (like not just wearing a t-shirt and jeans like I did when depressed) and that attracted the stares of other men that he saw as a threat (taking away his damsel in distress). Eugene had a whole laundry list of things he hated doing now because I wasn't in a funk anymore.

I told him if that was the case then we needed to break up. He agreed and said he would go stay with a friend until he could make new living arrangements. My name is the only one on our house and I told him I would give him 60 days to vacate the house which he agreed was fair.

Over the past few weeks, I've spent a lot of time with my parents and with close friends. I don't really feel like I've been dumped, or broke up with someone. I just feel like me.

Carrie's candle sits on my desk where the original was and I wear the locket every day. Thank you Reddit for listening. I appreciate it more than you know.

tl;dr: Ex only likes damsels in distress. We broke up. I'm happy.

In lighting that candle, the boyfriend showed his true colors.

Giphy

Hey so, in a way, your sister's candle was a warning light so that you'd catch on to how f*cked up Eugene actually is.

Keep swimming OP, I hope everything goes well for you.

illinoiscentralst

He's a regular Denny Reynolds, one user joked. Pure evil.

Giphy

Right?!? Like Dennis Reynolds for real, which is absolutely terrifying.

comiclegend

Some thought the light from the candle was like a warning from the deceased sister.

This guy is completely off his rockers. As much as the candle meant to you, it was a price to pay if it helped you get away from this creep. Your sister was protecting you with this candle even after she passed away.

Make sure that he doesn't develop stalkerish or obsessive tendencies. I would count the days and try to make him leave asap.

spryfigure

And by making a new candle, OP was able to move on.

Giphy

Eugene has some serious issues.

I'm glad you were able to make a "new" candle and move on from Eugene. Your sister would have wanted you to be in a happy, healthy relationship -- now you can find one.

shelbyknits

The now ex-boyfriend, Eugene, was clearly abusive. But that's not even the worst part.

Giphy

Sweet mother of God this guy is in desperate need of some hardcore therapy. He will absolutely end up turning into a very serious abuser without it.

I wish the absolute best of luck to his next victims.

alexander

And that's because the predatory behavior turns him on.

Giphy

The scariest part of this entire story is that he completely recognizes and owns his predatory behavior, and instead of being interested in changing it, he basically agreed to break up so he can move on to his next victim. It's terrifying that there are people out there who are completely cognizant of what monsters they are and who are apparently perfectly comfortable with that.

dankpoots

Honestly, OP is a hero.

Giphy

Wow. You've just survived an experience with an emotional predator! You deserve a fricken medal! And you handled it with grace and dignity to boot. What a great update. That locket and new candle now also signify your strength and dignity. Congrats!

CastInSteel

Good question.

Giphy

Does this guy hang around funeral homes to pick up chicks???

filconomics

Seriously.

Giphy

I once dated a girl who was endless drama. 3 days a week I would get a phone call at 8 am as her and her mom fought while she cried. It seriously drove me nuts...but I listened and tried to help her because I cared for her. When things were quiet though I was happiest.

I can't fathom that someone seeks out/wants someone to be an emotional wreck. His sense of self worth sounds like it is severely lacking and he has had some problems of his own if his sense of attraction is based off of someone appearing damaged.

entwined82

damsel in distress

Former Disney Park Actors Describe The Weirdest Experiences They Ever Had While In Character

Mickey & Minnie Mouse on a parade float
Héctor Vásquez/Unsplash

An undeniable part of the magic that guests experience at many of the Disney parks around the world is the interactions with characters.

Those who post photos of their Disney vacations will almost always include a photo with Mickey and/or Donald Duck, Goofy, Minnie, and their human friends like Snow White, Belle, Moana, or villains like Gaston.

It's not that difficult to suspend your disbelief during an encounter with a Disney character.

But spoiler alert, the beloved icons you're putting your arms around and giving hugs are with total strangers who are paid to make you feel special.

Redditors got a chance to discover what it's like for those costumed Disney cast members giving hugs and signing autographs to kids of all ages that they've never met before.

Keep reading...Show less
disney

People Break Down Which Practices The United States Needs To Adopt From Other Countries

Woman making the shape of a heart with a stethoscope
Photo by Patty Brito on Unsplash

We can all agree that there is something to appreciate about every country in the world, but there are arguably some countries that appear to have their ducks more consistently and happily in a row than others.

While it would be easy to let pride get in the way and continue to do things the same way, the more productive thing would be to learn from the countries who have figured out a better way to do certain things, whether it's healthcare, food banks, or other services.

Keep reading...Show less
united states

People Reveal Which Universally-Loved Films They Absolutely Loathe

Movie Theater
Photo by Jake Hills on Unsplash

Every year, at the end of the Academy Awards, while the auditorium erupts in cheers upon the announcement of the Best Picture winner, as they are somewhat obligated to do, many viewers at home instead shake their heads and raise their eyebrows.

That's if they don't throw popcorn or worse at their TVs.

While those who did so when La La Land was announced as the winner in 2017 would end up getting their revenge in what remains one of the biggest blunders of Oscar history, others are still reeling at some past winners, which they believe were more worthy of a Razzie than an Oscar.

Taste being subjective, plenty of people still find themselves confused by some films which won countless awards, received across-the-board raves, and are considered classics or masterpieces, but they find to be utterly unbearable.

Often finding themselves in an unpopular minority and having to keep their opinion to themselves, similar to Seinfeild's Elaine Benes and her unique disdain for The English Patient.

Keep reading...Show less
movies

People Break Down The Biggest Design Flaws Of The Human Body

Photograph of an anatomy model
Photo by Alan Calvert on Unsplash

Everyone wishes there was something different about their body.

Smaller nose, longer legs, a different hair or eye color.

There are those, however, whose frustrations with their body are less personal, and more universal.

Finding themselves frustrated less with their own DNA, but with human anatomy in general.

Frustrated by how certain functions work the way they do, and feeling there could be significant improvements in other departments as well.

Keep reading...Show less
body