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Bouncers Who Have Kicked Someone Out Of A Bar And Later Crossed Paths Share Their Experiences

Bouncers Who Have Kicked Someone Out Of A Bar And Later Crossed Paths Share Their Experiences

A bouncer has a tough job. Nobody wants to deal with unreasonable and belligerent drunk people. But someone's gotta do it.

Unfortunately this also means sometimes, the bouncer pisses somebody off, and then accidentally sees them in real life at some point thereafter.

These interactions aren't always bad, but understandably, they stick with the bouncers. It's only a little nerve-wracking to work these jobs...


u/mr-steal-your-cake asked:

Bouncers of Reddit. Have you ever crossed paths with someone you've had to throw out of a club or bar? How was the experience?

Here were some of those stories.


The Boss

I was interviewed by a guy we had tossed out. I still remember his name because he was such a d**chebag that we banned him after this interaction and we all kind of laughed at his name because it fit his behavior so well.

Think "Kyle Blake," not his real name, but he has two kind of bro names as first and last.

Anyway, fast forward about a year, having finished school, and I'm at a staffing agency to interview for some crappy job. In walks Mr. Blake.

Unfortunately, nothing super interesting happened, but throughout the interview he acted a little strange. I never found out if he recognized me, but I was not offered the job.

Shilvahfang

Sucker Punch And Sucker Apology

I've bounced off and on for about 15 years in the same mid size city (about 150k people). One night as people were leaving this guy sucker punched another patron right inside the door.

Several other people quickly got involved. I grabbed Mr. Sucker punch and he spins around and squares up with me. I guess because I'm tall (6'6) people always seem to try and rush me and wrestle me by the waist. Mr sp was no different.


We end up wrestling for a second before I finally get a solid grip on him. He's still trying to fight at this point. I ended up picking him up and throwing him through the exit doors, breaking one of them off the hinges.

About a week later I'm out to eat with my mom of all people, and in walks Mr. Sucker punch and sits down two tables over. I wasn't particularly worried about it, but I really didn't wanna have to beat someone up in front of my mom.

About five minutes later I see him talking to the waitress and she makes her way over to our table. "That guy over there said you threw him through a door the other night at the bar. He wanted me to tell you he's sorry for being a dumb drunk".

burtmaclin43

Tales From The Bad Years

It happened fairly frequently with the regulars. As long as they weren't fighting, they'd be allowed back in the next night. Usually they were pretty embarrassed, and apologize for being a drunken jacka**.

One time I did have to kick out a good friend because he got in a fight. He was in a bad place, and was pretty embarrassed by the whole thing. We didn't really talk about it much afterwards. That was over a decade ago, and we're still friends today, and he's settled down and doesn't drink like he used to.

Chucklefluk

Baby I'm Sorry (I'm Actually Sorry)

Haven't been a bouncer in about 15 years but funny story from when I was, a guy I threw out and had to manhandle roughly (he was trying to hit me and other people) came back the next day, not to start trouble or get in again but merely to apologise and go.

Seeing somebody genuinely sorry was a very rare experience. He said and I quote "I know I was a bit of a c*nt and needed a slap, I know I'm banned, I was off my nut and just wanted to say sorry and no hard feelings". It stuck with me because he really meant it. It really doesn't go like that most of the time.

Lost_Afropick

Domestic Dispute (+ Me)

Not a bouncer but a former bartender. I had to call the cops on a couple who had become angry and violent during a Sunday brunch. Both were arrested. The husband threw a glass at me, but the wife started swinging at the cop, so she got the worst of it. Rumor has it the husband was released later that day, but the wife spent a few days in jail.

A few weeks later I was in Walmart and spotted the couple. The wife didn't see me, but the husband did. We both walked away in opposite directions without saying a word. But truth be told, I was terrified.

tamadrum32

Oh Hey Leatherface

I have a slightly relevant story. My brother went to Uni in kind of a rough city, he was at a student bar and watched this guy get bounced.

Well, he and the bouncer crossed paths again that night... the guy came back with a chainsaw. Needless to say he ruined the fun for everyone else and cops were involved. Bouncer was not injured. Hamilton Ontario, Canada for those asking!

fetalpiggywent2lab

This Can't Be Comfortable

I was a bouncer in a higher-end Toronto club in 2000/2001. People were generally respectful and just out to have a fun night. The only real memorable ejection was from a couple we caught having sex in the ladies washroom.

It was very awkward, we had to ensure that it was consensual, and ask them to stop, and then escort them out. Because the bathroom facilities were limited to 3 or 4 stalls per gendered washroom, there was a long line up for the ladies room... The couple then had to do the walk of shame past the long washroom line up. They were then escorted from the establishment...

prime-meridian

Hey! If You Have Ever Done This, You're Trash!

Ex-pub manager here, one evening I had a group of drunken young idiots who started a fight in my pub which needless to say ended up with them getting kicked out.

Fast forward a few weeks and I was having breakfast in a local cafe with one of my bar staff before opening when said group walked in and immediately recognised me, queue the verbal abuse and threatening behaviour so I finished up and left.... but it did not end there....

My friend had managed to keep most of them in the cafe (he half knew them) but one strolled out straight up to me... and dislocated my jaw with a right hook, followed by several kicks to the back as I went down.

Needless to say that day is why I no longer work in the pub trade.

djfishstik

The Sweet Revenge Of The Law

I used to bounce at a club in Annapolis, if you can call throwing drunk spoiled little rich idiots out of the bar bouncing.

3 guys I had thrown out a few weeks prior saw me in a shoppers grocery store. They started following me, first talking sh*t and then throwing food at me.


I left my cart, walked through the three of them and told them to meet me outside. Then called the police and when the police showed up (the 3 stooges didn't leave the store until then) the manager lady nicely and happily explained to the police what they had done and they were arrested for throwing store items.

Never saw them again.

I remember one called himself Big Country, a fat sloppy idiot thrown out of the Navy for being a moron.

QuirkyKarma

Okay Calm Down Supervillain

I worked the door at a punk dive bar, big part of the job is bouncing people who've had too much with the attitude "it's cool dude, we're all friends, but you've had enough tonight come back tomorrow."

99% of people that's fine and it works. One dude who had probably smoked something that night was fixated on the bartender wearing a Superman shirt and ran home to shave his head and came back challenging him to a fight.


I urged him outside to get ready for the fight with a pre-fight smoke. We smoked cigarettes and gently convinced him it was time to go home, which worked until he got halfway down the street and sprinted back and threw himself at the door screaming "Superman! Superman! You can't hide from Lex Luther, Superman!"

One of the bartenders exited out of the side entrance and started yelling "holy sh*t all the cops are coming, everybody run" and the dude disappeared. I saw him at the corner bodega the next afternoon and he looked at me and smiled and said "I might have been a handful last night, sorry, see you tonight?"

gypsyscot

Hat in hand

This one guy in his 40s I bet came into my bar once and was clearly on a new level of drunk for himself. This was around Christmastime and it's normal to have people who don't normally drink much come in and not be used to drinking, basically, it's a really sh*tty time to work in a bar.

Anyways, he got soo wasted we eventually had to take him outside, he was hitting on girls half his age and was just generally obnoxious. Mind you bar was one where 18/20-year-olds would hang, more a club really, so he was very much out of his element.


We had stand there for 3 hours while he was stood there yelling at us and spitting at us until the cops had time to come, again, Christmas.

They came and I walked out to talk to them, then as I was walking past him he clocked me in the back of the head, in front of 2 cops and 3 bouncers. Suffice to say he was eating pavement faster than I could react to the hit.

Couple days later he came back, literal hat in hand and apologized to no end, was very clear he was remorseful. Dude had just turned 45 and his wife had left him right before Christmas, he was just in a really bad spot that night and got a bit too much. I get it. I didn't press charges and he bought us bouncers a really nice bottle of cognac each! Now I didn't drink back then but my stepdad got a really nice gift that year. Never saw the guy since.

-Lexinoz

Elsewhere

I once went to a pub and realized I knew the bouncer from elsewhere. She was a nude model at an art class I attended.

-AltogetherGuy

Red and green


Former barman - had to "encourage" a lad to leave his work Xmas party after his elaborately choreographed karaoke rendition of "Like a virgin" with very pointed references to an older lady (his boss I suspect) did not go down well. Saw him the next morning working the till in the local supermarket- I've never seen someone's face go white ->red -> green so rapidly

-SeatAccording

I bounced for a few years in college. Welcome weekend, the weekend before classes start would get pretty rowdy, and I had to kick a handful of people out. One guy in particular, I had an extended interaction with, where I threatened to choke him out.

Monday comes, he's the teacher's aide in the last class I have for my major. Syllabus day is BS, we just go over what the semester looks like and do some introductions.

I was one of the last people to talk to the class, and as I got done, I'm walking back to my chair and the TA says something like, "also don't get wild at (the bar), he works there and will not be nice if you get him mad" and kinda laughed.

The prof then made me come back up, and have the TA tell his story, then me tell my side, everyone had a good laugh and the dude ended up being a regular at the bar after that.

-TheresAlwaysOneOrTwo

The Weirdest Animal Facts People Know

Reddit user FunChemical3182 asked: 'What is the weirdest animal fact you know?'

platypus
Michael Jerrard on Unsplash

People accumulate facts throughout life on a wide variety of subjects.

Some are mundane while others are weird, wild or wonderful.

One subject a lot of people focus on is animals. Most people have a favorite animal that fascinates them that they want to know all about.

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Content Warning: Mental Health, Suicide, Domestic Violence

We all know that we technically can't make anyone else do anything, and we certainly can't "fix" other people. Other people will only change or do something if they choose to; the only person we can really control is ourselves.

But some people really love to try, often to hilarious and terrible results.

Already cringing, Redditor Dapper_Algae6280 asked:

"People who entered a relationship thinking 'I can fix them,' how did that go?"

Time for an Upgrade

"There is a weird thing that happens when you 'fix' someone. They tend to think if you liked them broken, then they deserve better than you now that they are better than they were."

- TheRealLifePotato

"As horrible as it sounds, to have a happy, emotionally healthy relationship you need two happy, emotionally healthy people. If you want to be in that sort of relationship, you need to fix yourself first."

- inactiveuser247

"This right here. After three sh*tty relationships in a row, I realized this is a me problem. I took a few years off from dating to reflect and really learn to see red flags and understand myself so I wouldn't make that mistake again."

- MikoSkyns

No More Spark

"My now ex had PTSD, depression, and a variety of other issues she claimed. After two and a half years of dating (being my first and only relationship), she became more social, less suicidal, and overall happier as a person."

"She decided to cheat on me with someone else due to 'lack of communication' and us 'no longer having a spark". The irony."

"For context, we were 17 at the time, in high school, and I worked full-time hours with initiatives to hang out, which were refused. Red flags everywhere."

- elteragxo

"Your situation is eerily similar to mine, what the f**k?"

"I met a girl with mental and emotional issues and decided to fix them through a healthy relationship. She recovered and found someone else because 'the spark was gone.'"

- Aimlessdrifter8778

Misery Loves Company

"Now we are both broken."

- Brave-Butterscotch76

"The same thing happened to my sister-in-law. She married a very negative and miserable guy while saying 'he will get better' or 'we’re working on it,' and now she’s a very negative and miserable person."

- Moreofyoulessofme

Getting to Watch a Partner Grow

"At first we were only f**king. I don't know if I ever thought I could fix her, but I did fall in love with this beautiful lady with severe anxiety, depression, and trust issues after being in a domestically violent relationship."

"We were f**k buddies for about six months and I got a glimpse of her issues but I still went ahead and asked her to be my girlfriend The heart wants what it wants."

"We dated for a year and a half (two years since meeting), and I actually got to see her at her worst a few times, but I was finally able to get her therapy with a great psychiatrist and treatment, this is when I asked her to move in with me. We've been living together for six years."

"Four years ago, she had the worst breakdown I've seen. She went full-on paranoid, wall-scratching nervous, she was even doubting me and my motives to be there. It was a very difficult week, and she left the house and went to her mom's house in the middle of the night."

"Eventually, her therapist was able to get a hold of her and get her back to her senses. Her doctor then suggested that I also should go to a counselor or at the very least we should do couples therapy so we had strong bases for our relationship and we did."

"I now look back and won't change her for anything in the world, she has grown so much, and she glows right now. I now see her smile and it's glorious. She's achieved a great position too and it's amazing just to see how much happier she looks."

- Spiritual-Narwhal666

Not a Match

"I fixed what I wanted to fix, but that still didn't make us right for each other. In the end, I think she's in a much happier place than she could have been, so I think it was worth the time invested."

"We were wrong for each other, but at least we both came out better positioned to receive the happiness that would come to us later."

- MrWeb20

In Their Nature

"A couple of months into the relationship, I fixed him."

"After some irritation, he stopped peeing on the carpet. Now, my cat still brings mice, but I guess, that's just his nature."

- mobileJay77

The Importance of Boundaries

"I don't know if I would say that I 'fixed' her (and I wasn’t trying to), but I definitely taught my last ex the importance of being able to set boundaries and to stop going out of her way to please people who consistently hurt her."

"Eventually this would lead to us breaking up, but I have no regrets. I have issues of my own that were wearing her down and she did what she had to. Same rules apply. We’re both better off because of it."

- TylerTexas10

Happily Ever After

"She fixed herself and I fixed myself with each other's support, and we are living happily ever after, it seems, with ongoing work on ourselves and our relationship."

- DonPronote

An Uncommon Ending

"I didn’t fix them. But I tried my hardest to be patient and supportive while they fixed themself. Sometimes I was better at support than other times. Sometimes they were better at fixing than other times."

"It ended up being worth the patience. Things have been great with us for years now. I know this isn’t the normal outcome though, and I feel incredibly lucky."

- I_Invented_Frysauce

A Little Help from Our Friends

"Usually I'm the one people try to fix.. I think the repeated attempts definitely helped me. Now my current partner gets to enjoy the previous hard work."

"...I think I just got tired of hurting the people who love me and fixed myself, though."

- addrien

All Their Idea

"You can't fix anyone. You can only fix yourself, but if you really want to try and fix someone, you have to make it seem like it's their idea."

- BuhrZap

A Helping Hand

"I don't think you can fix anyone. You can only help them fix themselves, which is very different."

"If someone is actively trying to fix themselves, and you can actually be the person to support them through it, then it can work, but it could also not work."

"I do think there should be a distinction between the two. I mean, trying to fix someone is a bad idea, but if you like someone and are willing to support them in their journey to fix themselves, it's probably not the worst idea in the world."

- brooksie1131

Lesson Learned

"It went so well that they managed to cure me of the desire to 'fix' anybody."

"I’ll toss you a life preserver if you’re trying to save yourself. But I’m not jumping in the water with anyone so they can drown me on their way out."

"People who need to hit rock bottom in order to better themselves will use you to soften their landing if you let them."

- GlobalPermit5428

Best Friends Forever

"It went well but it didn’t work out."

"So we kind of fixed each other we were both at very weird points in our lives and we only dated for about one and a half years. We didn’t need a romantic partner but we did need a friend in each other."

"We’re both in better places now and the best of friends. We both want each other to be part of our lives just not as lovers."

"All and all, I say we got the best outcomes in our lives."

- CODMAN627

So Worth the Investment

"He was an Uber driver with only a high school diploma."

"I married him anyways and bankrolled his education because he was fun as f**k to be around, was the smartest person I’ve ever met, and loves me like I’m the only woman on Earth."

"Now, he’s a computer engineer and we are landlords together and have bought investment properties. We are very happy together."

"Partners work together to create success. I think selfish people ask, 'what’s in it for me?' Marriage is about selflessness."

"I’m glad I sacrificed for his education. His mind would be wasted otherwise and he’s a genius."

- BabyElephantWalks

In most of these cases, the situation went poorly after a Redditor tried to change someone, and for good reason. If that person isn't ready or doesn't want to be fixed, it's only going to damage the relationship.

There's also something to be said about unconditional love. If you don't want to date the person exactly as who they are right now, why are you even trying to date them?

If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.

To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

Guy at the gym
Anastase Maragos/Unsplash

Tough guys put on a facade that indicates to others that they always know what's going on.

But their confidence doesn't always match their intellect, which is probably why they cover their insecurities by walking around and trying to show everyone who's really the boss.

If that's the case, they should keep their mouths shut because not everything that comes out of their mouth needs to be heard.

Yet, it can be amusing to everyone else.

Curious to hear examples of these, Redditor PrototypeShadowBlitz asked:

"Reddit, what is the stupidest thing you've heard from the 'alpha male' community?"

You might find these guys at a bar.

The Dude Must Be Hungry

"Had a run in once with a group of young lads about something in a bar and one of them said we are top of the food chain bro and you will be the prey."

– insertitherenow

"'Whatever, mall ninja" -proper response."

– TheEighthLord

If The Shoe Fits

"That they were an alpha male."

– I_Have_A_Name37654

"The use of 'Alpha Male,' unironically is every indication that you're dealing with a child's understanding of manhood."

– 88Dubs

Brat Pack

"Me and my bros are all alpha males."

– SonOfDadOfSam

"I was skiing one time and rode the lift with a guy that said, 'I don't feel no pain. I live with 5 roommates and none of us feel any pain.' Okay, bud. That's a really interesting coincidence."

– NicPizzaLatte

They sure thrive on making sexist comments.

Contagious Femininity

"A coworker said, 'I don't spend too much time with my girlfriend because I'll become too feminine.'"

– Lazy_Natural6154

"FELLAS IS IT GAY?!"

– aliebabadegrote

Sexist Categorization

"I have been called a beta for saying that my wife makes more money than I do. She works in a more lucrative field and is more educated than I am, so it makes perfect sense that she makes more than I do."

"So I came back, and this post has really blown up. There's just a few things I want to clarify."

"1- I have only ever been called a beta online."

"2- I work full-time in project management. I have a master's degree. I have a 6 figure salary."

"3- My wife has a PhD and works in finance. She also has a 6 figure salary, it's just a higher salary than my own."

"4- I'm sorry to anyone who might feel as though my original post misled them."

– ExaminationDouble240

It's Teamwork

"A real man would be proud of his wife for achieving success, and not fall for that sort of insecure bullsh*t."

"It's not a contest, that's the real joke here. Good on you for seeing the big picture."

– Mrbeardoesthethings

Do these roles about parenting sound familiar?

Childish Things Are Too Girly

"Real men don't take their kids trick or treating is one that I heard recently."

– constructionguy89

"Related. Guys who brag about not changing diapers, not playing 'girly' games, etc. Essentially guys who brag that their only contribution to fatherhood is money and masculine things like fishing or football. Even then some of them brag about not paying a lot of child support to prove they didn't let the system take advantage of them."

"I can't imagine a life so empty my only accomplishment worth bragging about was being a terrible parent."

– Green7000

This Woman's Work

"I was told that taking care of my kids is woman's work. Apparently it's concerning that I try to spend so much of my free time with them. Oddly enough the meatheads at my grappling club think it's sweet I occasionally have my daughters' hair clips on and nails painted."

– MrFunktasticc

People discussed rules in the bedroom.

Never Submissive

"That a man is turned off when their wife/girlfriend seduces them, because if she wants sex and shows it she is a sl*t, also making the man the submissive one…"

– kamalaophelia

Stifling Emotions

"Not the whole community, but was cuddling with a guy once and could tell he was trying not to get emotional over something that was bothering him. He said, quite literally, 'it's not alpha male behaviour.' I told him that I liked that he showed emotions sometimes, and he looked disgusted by the fact that I pointed it out."

– LambLifts

In high school, a classmate who was on the football team said I was a "sissy" for listening to classical music.

The other classmates laughed at me, which was hardly surprising since all of the guys on our unbeatable football team were considered stars on campus.

This kind of mockery was a typical day for me.

I can laugh at their idiotic comments now but back then, I don't know why I ever let them get under my skin.

Man standing behind large flowers
Quinn Buffing on Unsplash

We've all done things, or in some cases, regularly do things that others might consider weird.

Even so, we often feel no shame or embarrassment and embrace how unusual these habits are, and take our friends teasing or laughing at us for doing so in stride.

Sometimes, however, we might not like to advertise some of our unusual habits or actions and make every effort to keep them a well-guarded secret.

As raised eyebrows are much easier to take than blatant judgment from friends and peers.

Redditor Key_Nectarine_1969 was curious to hear all the weird things people have done which they still keep under lock and key, leading them to ask:

"What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done that you could only tell people anonymously?"

The Devil [Dogs] Is In The Detail...

"All throughout middle school, there was someone who tucked unwrapped Hostess Devil Dogs into the toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms, so that when you pulled some toilet paper out, the devil dog would fall out into your hand."

"We had to have an assembly about it."

"That person... Was me."- bejeweled_sky

Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time

"Was drunk at an escape room with coworkers."

"It was an extreme one where you are handcuffed the entire time."

"I decided in my drunken state that it would be bada** to dislocated my thumb and slip off the cuffs like the movies."

"It wasn't."

"We got kicked out, my coworkers were weirded out and I had to go to the hospital."

"I quit a few weeks later."

"White collar wasn't for me."- Grotesque-penguin

The Bread Of Heaven

"Stole over 1,000 wafers from church because I really liked the communion wafers & didn’t know where else to get them."

"I felt really blessed & cursed for a long time."- hALLIEcinate

catholic the exorcist GIFGiphy

Retracing Steps...

"Once I got off the subway in NYC and I was super early for an appointment."

"So I picked a random guy and just followed him on foot for like 30 minutes, pretending I was like a private detective or something."

"Always kept about a half block behind."

"He turned this way and that, and eventually went into a building I had lived in 9 years earlier."

"It was weird, and so was I."- OKsurewhynotyep

Hygeine Be Damned...

"I found a dead rat in a field when i was younger and kissed it bc I wanted to say goodbye."- qeleia

exercise push up GIFGiphy

Bad Decisions Have A Way Of Getting Back To You...

"We got super drunk and ate a ton of spicy food in New Orleans."

"Back at the B&B, the food started to come out the back side."

"I was sitting on the toilet sh*tting bricks of fire."

"At that moment, the booze decided to hang a u-turn."

"The trash can was out of reach and I couldn't risk standing up from the toilet for even 5 seconds."

"The closest receptacle was the bathtub."

"I managed to turn in such a way that I could keep shi*ting in the toilet while projectile vomiting into the tub."

"Both ended up clogged, and there was no plunger."

"I had to call the owner to explain that I had destroyed both their toilet and their tub simultaneously."- HoopOnPoop

Things Best Left To Professionals...

"My partner is weirdly prone to cysts."

"I had to drain a 3 inch cyst on her back (thankfully she had a dr's appt the next week), then multiple other little cysts on her legs and chest."

"I never told her to her face but that first giant cyst literally haunted me, the amount of pus and blood I saw....good heavens."- SleepyBiologist

uruguay spot GIF by sargentoPezGiphy

At Least A Lesson Was Learned...

"When I was walking to school one morning, I saw a kid (7-8 yo?) kicking a dog."

"I ran over & kicked the kid and asked him how it felt."

"He ran off and no one saw."

"Still not sorry."- sneezyailurophile

All Creatures Deserve Love

"I was extremely socially isolated as a child and tried to make friends with the coyotes who lived in the woods by our home."

'I caught one in a snare and fed and kept her."

"I wanted a friend."- letthetreeburn

That's What Friends Are For...

"My wife and her best friend pick me up from a frat party black out drunk."

"Then they helped me take a sh*t on the toilet, wiped my a** and then gave me a shower and put me to bed naked."

"Don’t remember any of it."- nc3100

Party Love GIF by Chris CiminoGiphy

Not The Right Kind Of Manure...

"One time I went outside at like 2AM and put the garden hose nozzle into my butthole and sprayed some water into it, then farted it out onto the lawn."

"Basically gave myself an enema with a garden hose."

"I did this because I was bored."

"My neighbour saw me and told my dad (lived at home at the time)."- WaspsInMyGoatse

A Little Fantasy Now And Then...

"When I was younger I joined an international dating site that I figured was a scam."

"Put a black square as my picture and gave myself a fake name, and then looked through their users."

"And after about 10 minutes I had like a 100 messages."

"Most of them were messages telling me how handsome I was or how these women fell in love with me at first site."

"Now I knew it was a scam but when ever I felt down or got rejected for a while I would pop back on the site and read a few messages."

'Yeah it’s kinda cringy and probably pathetic but it made me feel better."

"I would just turn off that logical part of my brain that knew it was a scam for awhile and just pretend I was this popular and desirable guy."

"And it honestly got me through the day sometimes."- Demonking3343

dating app GIFGiphy

If anyone says they've never done anything they're ashamed, or at the very least less-than-proud of, in all likelihood, they are lying.

Or, more likely, they understandably want to pretend that it never happened.

Which might be a little easier than harboring a secret.