Crazy stuff happens at bars and clubs when people are drunk and unruly. Bouncers are there to keep everyone safe, and often end up getting harmed while doing their jobs. Drunk people are nuts.
kaleidoskope1 asked bouncers of Reddit: What are your craziest "kicked out of the bar" stories?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
10. Bounching is dangerous work.
Ex Bouncer here, little dude comes up to the door, I decline entry because he was way too intoxicated, he starts screaming, Bohemian hollaring, dealt with it before no big deal. I turn to wave the other doorman over and this guy jumps on me, I lose my footing knocking me down, he punched me in the chest 7 times (so I thought) my other doorman rips him off me. I stand up with my adrenaline pumping (again normal), my stomach feels really warm tho and I touch it, I look at my hand and I'm bleeding ALOT, dude stabbed/slashed me 7 times in the chest.
Quit shortly after.
9. Quite a night.
Bachelorette party: "You're kicking me out? I'm the least sober person in my group, and you're kicking me out?"
Happy Birthday: Mid December in Washington state, this kid had just turned 21 and wanted to come in after midnight (policy did not allow this). Plus he was already pretty wasted from earlier celebrations. A cop follows him to his car, dude drives off. Police chase him for about a mile. Abandons his car in the middle of the road, then starts running through a parking lot. Cops chase him on foot, but he gets back to his car. So what does he do? He hauls back to the club, where at least four other cops and 15 bouncers were waiting outside. Ditches his car again and tries to get in a few others. All locked.
Dude ended up with a few felony charges and a good tasering for his birthday.
8. How about not harassing waitresses?
When I was a DJ at the bar back in the day, some drunken assho*e started being a dick to the waitress, smacking her @ss, making a grab for her tits, etc. The bouncer grabbed him by the back of his hair and knocked over every table with the guy's face as he dragged him toward the door. Then he used his face to hit the panic bar on the door and threw him out into the street.
It was a little much, but I think that bouncer had a crush on that one waitress.
I was the kicked-out part but I really want to share this so hope you don't mind.
I was at a bar with friends and got WAAAY drunk. So I did the irish exit and I told the bouncer: "I'm completely wasted right now, so I'll do your job for you and throw myself out". The bouncer told me "Hey, don't you want a glass of water first? You'll feel better in the morning trust me". So I went back in for a glass of water. Got icy cold water and lots of ice cubes, felt supergood. Then the bouncer told me "You've had enough, I'm gonna have to throw you out" and escorted me to the door. He was smiling ear to ear and I realized he just one-upped me.
6. Yeah, you eat that napkin.
A few weeks ago a group of four came in (a mother, her daughter, and their boyfriends) it was the mothers birthday. She refused to be served by a woman bartender, we had two women bartenders that night, no others. Our bartender decided to still serve the rest of the mother's group, but the mother continued to complain about not having a drink but still refused to let a woman make it. The daughters boyfriend was getting really irritated at how rude she was being towards the bartenders, they got into an argument and the daughter's boyfriend punched the mom in the face and knocked off her glasses. The men went outside to "talk" and the girls went to patch up in the bathroom.
When I told my manager what had happened he was unsure what to do because the mother didn't want to leave but the boyfriend obviously shouldn't come back inside. After I told my manager how rude the girl was being to the bartenders, he kindly asked them if they could go to another bar nearby. Of course she freaked out saying it was her birthday, but we weren't going to get a new staff member to serve her just because of that. The mothers boyfriend got everyone to leave eventually.
Also, that same night we had a woman come in and eat a napkin in front of our hostess and then leave, not relevant to this story, but it was a weird @ss night for all of us.
5. Wait for it...
I worked in a club in the 90s that was open on Friday and Saturday until 4am. In this state (Ohio) we had to stop serving alcohol at 2am, and often people would try to sneak in drinks after that.
I was walking through the dance floor just after we cleared all drinks and saw a kid with a beer. One of those "tall boys" that we didn't even sell.
It looked like he just opened it, and I was in a good mood. He looked like an nervous kid who probably never bothered anyone in his life. I decided to be nice and just confiscate the beer.
As soon as I opened my mouth he tried to take off running. I reach out and grab his jacket, and hear a thud. It takes me a moment to realize he just dropped his gun on the dance floor.
He was immediately held down by about three of us, cops were called and he went out in handcuffs.
4. You booze, you lose.
Everyone who works in the industry pretty much knows everyone else in the area. So after we finish our shift, we head out to a local bar. We're pretty close to the tenders and bouncers so we're enjoying some beers and shooting the sh*t when all of a sudden the biggest bouncer "Dave" a 6'3" 275 lbs refrigerator of a man (total sweetheart as well) walks by with a dude over his shoulder like a bag of potatos. The guy in question is kicking his feet and trying to swipe Dave like a toddler being put down for a nap.
So Dave sees us, greets us with a chipper "What's up my dudes!" takes a shot from the bar and walks outside like he wasn't carrying a thrashing sack of drunken meat. It was so surreal I had to double check how many drinks I had at that point.
Another time at the same place we see one of the other bouncers taking out a screaming old dude who was WAY to drunk. The cops are following right behind him to make sure everything goes okay and the dude walks home. Nope. Once he's outside and realizes there is no way he's getting back in, he flips off the cops, and gets in his f*cking car! The second the cops see the lights turn on, they each get on a side of the car and force him out of the car to be arrested.
3. Good luck unhearing this sound.
A patron passed out sitting the toilet. He had puked into his pants and underwear around his ankles. I rattled the stall till he came too and put his pukey pants on after failing to wipe his ass. After escorting him out the back door and I got him into a cab. I'll never forget the splooshing sound he made as he sat down in the cab.
That poor, poor cab driver.
2. This wasn't in the employee handbook.
I worked for a while in a bar during college. I was the junior-most bartender, so when we were slow I would help do security at the door.
One night I'm checking IDs at the door while our head bouncer was standing there looking intimidating. He was about 6'5", rail skinny but nothing but muscle. So as I'm checking peoples IDs as they come in, a small guy, possibly of Middle Eastern descent, comes walking up from the parking lot. He had been 86ed the night before for being obnoxious to several women, so he was permanently banned from the bar. Randy (the head bouncer) sees this guy coming and just starts shaking his head, "No."
The guy walks right up to Randy, and pulls out a small semi-auto pistol and sticks it right in Randy's face and says, "I'm going to kill you." Randy looks at the guy, looks at the gun, looks back at the guy, and then leans down and says very softly, "No, I'm going to kill you." As this is happening right in front of me, I revert to my extensive lack of training and immediately start to hyperventilate and trying not to wet myself.
The dude with the gun stares up at Randy, looks at the gun in his own hand, and then takes off running back into the parking lot as fast as he can.
Later on that night after the bar closed, we were cleaning up and having a few drinks, so I asked Randi what the hell was he thinking when he said that. Randy responded, "Little gun. I would have had time to break his neck before I bled out."
"Is that that all that matters?", I asked him.
"That's all that matters"
1. He did this... "again?"
I've shared this one before in other thread but I never get tired of telling it:
I worked as a bouncer in a strip club for a little over 3 years. I have WAY too many stories for one post so I'll share the one that disturbed me the most.
One night, while working the front door, I was standing in the doorway watching vehicles pull into the parking lot because we can often spot problem people before they even exit their vehicle. People driving crazy, chugging beers before getting out, couples fighting etc etc.
This night was the only time I ever saw a hearse pull in.
The driver makes his way inside and proceeds to get sloppy drunk and gets cut off from the bar. Then he starts trying to leave, like in a hurry. At this point, all we are thinking about is getting him to stay and sober up before he gets behind the wheel again. My coworkers and I tried everything we could think of to convince him to stay. "Hey man, stay and have another table dance, stay and enjoy some free coffee, some free food, whatever. We'll even call a cab for you". Nope.
He just keeps heading for the door repeating, over and over "Nah, man. You don't understand. I gotta GO!". We follow him out to the parking lot, still trying to change his mind when one of the other bouncers realized we are following him... to a hearse. He yells "DO NOT tell me you've got a f*cking BODY in there man!". The driver then says " Yeah, that's why I keep telling you I have to go! Look I'll show you".
As we all stand there, utterly speechless, he swings the rear door open and raises the lid of the coffin. Inside, we see a nice looking older gent who is obviously on his way to his own funeral. "See, this is why I gotta go! If my boss finds out I did this again, I'll get fired!". This is the part where I like to stress that yes, he said AGAIN.
TL;DR: Alcoholic hearse driver gives poor dead stiff one final trip to the titty bar.
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Love is crazy. I've finally come to that conclusion. And marriage, you take your life in your hands and just throw caution to the wind in hopes of survival with that step.
When love falls apart, things can get real messy, real fast. And I've always been stunned by people's behavior when love subsides.
More often than not, it's like they become different people. Sometimes people are beset by tragedy and grief and sometimes people smile wide and move on. It's a coin toss.
But my favorite post divorce personality has to be the sudden super villain. Oh honey watch out for them!
Redditor u/hyperyog wanted to hear all the tea from the divorcees out there by asking:
Divorced Redditors, what is the craziest thing you or your former spouse did after divorce?
I once had a friend who burned her ex's house down when he wasn't home. He had started seeing someone almost immediately, so she thought, lemme set their sparks. Yeah, she wasn't well. Whatever happened to just a quick goodbye?
Swipeddean winters crying GIF by MayhemGiphy
"She removed the retaining clips for my windshield wipers, but put the wipers back on the arms. First storm after I got my car back from her, driver side wiper flew off the car on Interstate 40. Good times."
"He wrote suicide notes and put them in my kids backpacks for them/me to find. Then he turned off his phone and went to a coworkers house to play crib and have drinks.. all the while knowing I would be freaking out searching for him thinking he was in danger or worse. Thankfully my kids didn't see the notes and didn't know what was going on. This was just one of the many, many crazy things he did. Two years out and he just recently stopped showing up at my work and driving by my house at night."
A Sad End
"Died of a drug overdose. To be fair, her drug addiction was the reason for the divorce, so maybe that isn't too crazy."
"That's so incredibly difficult to have gone through. I unfortunately know the depths of this kind of pain, and while I'm sure the circumstances surrounding it are different, the loss that still happened is a tragedy. My condolences."
"Stalked me for 5 years. Would make fake social media profiles to try to follow me (which I would block endlessly) and would try to find where I worked so she could talk to me. This lady cheated on me with 7 different men 2 months after we were married. I kicked her a** to the curb and made her sign the court papers."
"When we had our day in court she cried in the judges office while I just wanted to get this crap done. After, my dad was with me and he threw 50 dollars at her and told her to "change your freaking last name." Good guy Pops. I haven't seen or heard from her in about 5 years, thank goodness."
Take it All!skin care spinning GIF by Primal Life OrganicsGiphy
"I had an ex-boyfriend go through my apartment and take back every gift he had given me that he could find. Then he went in my bedside table and took the condoms. And the vibrator he had given me."
See now, when I'm out... I'm out! I don't want to see you, hear from you or know you. I wish you well in life, but please live it far from me. Anyone agree? Clearly not the people here. Let's continue...
For the Boybicycling father and son GIF by NETFLIXGiphy
"All I wanted was custody of my son, I gave her everything else except one of our cars. She fought me through 5 hearings, I won. She never came to see him again."
"My ex cheated on me the week my mom died in the hospital. She spent a year and a half trying to get in touch with me. She would call my old work and make fake accounts trying to message me on FB. It was insane. She later sends a certified letter explaining she was sorry that she did what she did and that she aborted our child."
"Wanted me to meet her somewhere so she could apologize face to face. She already married some other guy that she had children with and was still trying to get in touch with me. I never understood her."
"After years of telling me she wanted a child, that she wanted to be a mom, that her life's dream was to be a stay at home mom, she got pregnant with the first guy she slept with while we were getting divorced and put the kid up for adoption even before it was born. This was a long-standing thing with her, she always wanted something (car, house, dog, cat, marriage, etc) and the second she got it she immediately hated it."
"Called me and pretended he had been hit by a car while we were talking. He even tried to voice the crowd that had gathered around his "body." God-awful acting, but pretty funny listening to him try to mimic a woman's voice. Points for trying to be inclusive, I guess."
"I think he was trying to get me to re-live my trauma of being on the phone with a friend who actually HAD been hit by a car while we were talking. Too bad he didn't realize that hearing the real thing is worlds different than hearing a dumba** try to act it out."
"I was sending 600 dollars a month to support my daughter because she's the only thing I give a sh!t about. My ex texts me and tells me I need to be sending 1200 a month because she's broke and can't pay her bills and I should feel guilty about it. She left me for another guy while I was on deployment I told her to go screw herself--call my lawyer."
Pop OffTom Hanks Drinking GIF by The Good FilmsGiphy
"Took the sodas from the fridge as he walked out the door. Dumfounded."
See, I blame Alanis Morissette and her "Jagged Little Pill" album. All I'm going to say is... the secret song. I think she gave people ideas. (I love that song) Y'all, seek therapy if you can't shake people. When it's done, let it be done.
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Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay is highly regarded for his delicious plates, his ability to run a solid restaurant, and, let's face it, his stage presence.
He's also a foul-mouthed Brit who is all too willing to dismantle people's self-esteems and compare them to livestock animals.
Alas, as watching all reality television goes, we love to see the crashing and burning.
But what if the shoe was on the other foot? What if you were the one being torn into by the sailor of all chefs, Mr. Gordon Ramsay.
Wondering what horrible dishes were lurking in unknown kitchens all over the place, Redditor FalloutSl*t413 asked:
"What's something you made that was 100% delicious but Gordon Ramsay would slap you for anyway?"
Some people talked about those purely functional meals that are just perfect for piling on enough protein and calories to get through the day.
"My mom used to make us 'Volcanoes.' Mashed potatoes topped with ground beef with some ketchup. I still tear it up to this day."
Quick and Easy
"I make weeknight 'enchiladas.' "
"You stick frozen taquitos in a casserole dish and cover them with canned or frozen chili and cheese. Bake them until everything's hot, serve with a dollop of sour cream. They sound disgusting but they taste amazing, and they take like, five minutes to prep."
"I know it looks like, smells like, and probably tastes like cat food but potted meat sandwiches. Look, when you're poor as hell and you can make 3 sandwiches with one little can that cost like 20 cents, it's pretty good."
"While I'm at it, Treet and bologna are pretty great. I have the taste palette of a raccoon and I like it that way."
"When I was younger I would make this thing where it was a patty melded of:"
- "a can of tuna"
- "two eggs
"And I would eat that almost daily, pan-fried, for lunch. Just slap me now and lets get it over with."
Others shared the recipes they make to feel fancy despite being totally trashy.
A Nuanced Process
"I call them 'chicken puffs.' Some par-cooked chicken (white or dark meat, either works) with sauteed serrano peppers and onions and garlic."
"All wrapped in crescent roll dough in little balls (a bit smaller than a baseball), put in a casserole tray filled juuuuust above the top of the little dough balls with cream of roasted chicken soup. Baked to completion/safety."
"Overly indulgent and delicious."
A Famous Side
"I consistently make a box of pastaroni angel hair and herbs as a side with meals I prepare for people. EVERYONE always asks for the recipe LOL please don't tell my secret"
Just a Couple Additions
" 'Fancy Ramen' Ramen made normal. Don't mix seasoning. Drain water. Add Mayo. Then mix in seasoning. And Volia. A lot of people question it. Until they try it."
Others outlined the things they eat that combine some ingredients it may seem disgusting to mix together.
Throw An Egg On There
"Fu** it lasagna, alternating layers of bread and shredded cheese (your choice which, I use cheddar) then crack an egg on top and put it in the microwave. Old depression meal, but it still holds up."
Hard to Wrap Your Head Around
"As a kid I would eat a banana with a cheese slice. Haven't tried it in years but it might hold up" -- Send_it_to_me
"Let's not" -- Sea-Entertainer-4974
"When I was younger I would make toast with peanut butter on it, then add pepperoni. Delicious then but I cringe thinking about trying it today"
The truly horrifying thing? There are so many more recipes out there that would leave Ramsay trembling.
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People love to talk about food. There are blogs, books, television shows, conversations in bars and farmers markets. In all likelihood, there is a recipe swap happening right this second in some deep corner of a suburb somewhere.
But sometimes talk is a lot of hot air. And the topic of food sure isn't immune to that criticism.
You can't get through a day without some telling you what "you gotta try."
The problem is, talking about food is often far more exciting than the food itself.
Redditor anicaodha asked:
"What food is overhyped?"
Many people were angry about garnishes. They hated the way restaurants try to entice people to eat certain menu items by slapping some kitschy ingredient on there.
A Very Expensive Burger
"Anything with gold flakes, absolutely pointless." -- Spend_Total
"ugh, i just remembered throwing up gold flakes from goldschlager, yuck!" -- spaceygracie12
"Aka how to add a crunch to your dish like a douche." -- CakeBot_TheReckoning
Catches the Eye Though
"Any rainbow food, rainbow grilled cheese, rainbow smoothie..."
"Just a cheap money grab."
No Breath On My Meal Please
"Dragon's breath/ nitro puffs or any dessert that contains liquid nitrogen to make it look cool." -- throwjango
"This stuff exists? God, I'm out of the loop." -- -The-Magic-8-Ball
"Truffle oil, usually doesn't contain a single truffle." -- BlckontheMoon
"The 1 thing I love about Truffle oil is I've never seen someone use it on a cooking competition show and not lose." -- igotmadshirts
Some people talked about the big trends that they just never could quite figure out.
That Almighty Nectar
"Remember when people were treating Nutella like it was the second coming of Christ?" -- Grapezard
"I had an Italian friend once invite me to his birthday party in high school. His mom made a Nutella pie and it was one of the greatest desserts I've never had the pleasure of trying again. It was so simple, like a soft flaky dough covered with Nutella."
"I don't want to come out of the blue and ask this kid for his mom's recipe 15 years later so I'll just suffer I suppose." -- JupiterTarts
"Red velvet is literally a red chocolate cake that has nowhere near enough chocolate and to much red food coloring. It literally was invented when done dudes chocolate turned kinda red when he added vinegar to the chocolate cake mix."
"Friends loved the color, but it was finicky to get the red color without changing flavor of cake, so he decided to use red food coloring."
"Fu**ing Avocado Toast.
"Avocado is a buck. Toast is few cents. Avocado Toast is $10+"
And some discussed the things that people insist are fancy and delectable, but are really just run of the mill entirely.
Meat is Meat?
"steak is good, and I'd even say a high quality steak can be very very good. But people act like it's better than busting a nut and that's just not true. It's just meat"
"Lobster. It's good, but poor value given it's almost always the most expensive protein available."
"Plus most places just drown it in butter, which again, fine, but if all you taste is butter, why spend that much?"
Depends on the House
" 'Housemade' ketchup. Give me the damn Heinz and get your banana aoili mess away from me." -- peanutbutterallytime
"I live in Pittsburgh and I have seen multiple restaurants try and fail to make housemade ketchup work. Every single time they go back to Heinz." -- HooBoy401
So if you find yourself tired of hearing people go on and on about something you don't go wild over, know that there are others fuming too.
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It's not easy to always do the right thing.
Which is why most people don't usually do the right thing. Doing the right thing involves a lot of thought, empathy for others, and a self-awareness of your place in the world. You're not making a choice just for yourself, you're more often than not doing it for someone else. This, in itself, presents a difficult hill for most people to climb so, usually, they feel it's easier to make the selfish choice.
Doesn't mean people always do. They can surprise you sometimes.
*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm.
What's the hardest moral decision you've ever had to make?
Even when the choice amounts to something small, it can still matter to someone else.
How Dare You Make Me Morally Astute?!
"This is small potatoes compared to most of the people on this thread but many years ago I was travelling and had very little money. I went to a stall at a market, handed them a 10 dollar bill. Item cost 5 dollars but instead of handing me a five dollar note, the handed me a 50."
"I was walking away from the stall when noticed. My first thought was BONUS. But I had lately been hanging out with a bunch of people who were really into karma. So I stormed back to the stall, slammed the 50 down on the counter and told them off for making me make moral decisions. Lady behind the counter was like "ahhhhhh, thanks"
Didn't Believe The First Time, But Can't Deny Visual Evidence
"I told a co-worker his wife was cheating on him. It ruined our friendship for a good amount of time, until he caught her himself."
"To bad he couldn't just believe you."
Owning Up To The Mistake
"Fessing up to an error I made at work that cost the company 5k. I was a manager and misinterpreted a sales promotion. I almost lost my job, this is the one time that telling the truth actually saved me. It's true what they say that the cover up is usually worse than the crime. Lesson learned.."
Doing something morally correct when it comes to family can be tricky. On one hand, you don't want to ruffle the feathers of the people you're going to be related to for the rest of your life...which is how family works.
On the other hand, do the right thing.
Making The Best Call For Your Children
"Removing the mother of my two sons out of their lives completely as she was unfit and abusive while I was on deployment. They were 3-4 years old then and now they are 17 and 15 with their mother never attempting to come back into their lives which I would prefer at this point."
Because They're Going To Be Sad Later...
"My grandmother died, and I lied to my parents about it."
"My grandparents were 95 and my parents hadn't had a vacation in 30 years. So when she passed away with only 5 days remaining on their vacation, my family decided not to ruin it for them; instead, we'd plan the entire funeral and if my mother wanted to make adjustments when she returned, we'd arrange it for her; there was nothing they could do to get her back."
"Having to decide on the DNR (do not resuscitate) order for my father who had been victim to a massive stroke..."
"I know millions have done it before and millions will again but to me it was devastating....."
"As a health worker, you did the right thing by your father. I've come across families of patients who keep them alive for their own peace of mind while the patient themselves is tired and in alot of pain mentally and physically from the constant treatments and would rather rest from it all. Don't feel bad for your decision."
Never doubt your actions when it comes to protecting children.
"Calling CPS on a student's family after she begged me not to. CPS did an investigation and she was pissed at me for months until the vice principal had a talk with her and explained that I only did it because I care and didn't want her to get hurt."
"That VP is awesome. I sat in his office while he coached me through the call, since it was my first time calling CPS."
Standing Up For Your Friend, Even When No One Else Will
"I was in high school and my best friend was being bullied on the bus. She brought a knife to school and had previously mentioned a list of people. I cried a lot when I went to the principal to turn her in. I knew I was ruining her life but I wanted her to get help. I didn't want anyone to get hurt because we were all just kids. She was expelled and forced into therapy. We had been friends since we were 11."
"My mom listened on the phone line when I was trying to comfort my friend (while absolutely not admitting it was me) and my mom jumped on and told her I'm not allowed to be her friend anymore. I had told my mom I had turned her in and she had no empathy for this girl. Because I had been bullied and stood up for myself and never "did anything like that". My friend was getting cornered on the bus by 4 people whereas I was normally taunted in public and was lucky enough to always have an upperclassmen or school employee around to help me out. I felt guilty about turning her life upside down for many years but would do it again because she did get help."
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/