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Bouncers Share The Craziest Reasons Why They've Kicked Someone Out Of A Bar

Crazy stuff happens at bars and clubs when people are drunk and unruly. Bouncers are there to keep everyone safe, and often end up getting harmed while doing their jobs. Drunk people are nuts.

kaleidoskope1 asked bouncers of Reddit: What are your craziest "kicked out of the bar" stories?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.


10. Bounching is dangerous work.

Ex Bouncer here, little dude comes up to the door, I decline entry because he was way too intoxicated, he starts screaming, Bohemian hollaring, dealt with it before no big deal. I turn to wave the other doorman over and this guy jumps on me, I lose my footing knocking me down, he punched me in the chest 7 times (so I thought) my other doorman rips him off me. I stand up with my adrenaline pumping (again normal), my stomach feels really warm tho and I touch it, I look at my hand and I'm bleeding ALOT, dude stabbed/slashed me 7 times in the chest.

Quit shortly after.

8675309ei9

9. Quite a night.

Bachelorette party: "You're kicking me out? I'm the least sober person in my group, and you're kicking me out?"

Happy Birthday: Mid December in Washington state, this kid had just turned 21 and wanted to come in after midnight (policy did not allow this). Plus he was already pretty wasted from earlier celebrations. A cop follows him to his car, dude drives off. Police chase him for about a mile. Abandons his car in the middle of the road, then starts running through a parking lot. Cops chase him on foot, but he gets back to his car. So what does he do? He hauls back to the club, where at least four other cops and 15 bouncers were waiting outside. Ditches his car again and tries to get in a few others. All locked.

Dude ended up with a few felony charges and a good tasering for his birthday.

ProfessorRGB

8. How about not harassing waitresses?

When I was a DJ at the bar back in the day, some drunken assho*e started being a dick to the waitress, smacking her @ss, making a grab for her tits, etc. The bouncer grabbed him by the back of his hair and knocked over every table with the guy's face as he dragged him toward the door. Then he used his face to hit the panic bar on the door and threw him out into the street.

It was a little much, but I think that bouncer had a crush on that one waitress.

thudly

7. Outgunned.

I was the kicked-out part but I really want to share this so hope you don't mind.

I was at a bar with friends and got WAAAY drunk. So I did the irish exit and I told the bouncer: "I'm completely wasted right now, so I'll do your job for you and throw myself out". The bouncer told me "Hey, don't you want a glass of water first? You'll feel better in the morning trust me". So I went back in for a glass of water. Got icy cold water and lots of ice cubes, felt supergood. Then the bouncer told me "You've had enough, I'm gonna have to throw you out" and escorted me to the door. He was smiling ear to ear and I realized he just one-upped me.

Ouroboros612

6. Yeah, you eat that napkin.

A few weeks ago a group of four came in (a mother, her daughter, and their boyfriends) it was the mothers birthday. She refused to be served by a woman bartender, we had two women bartenders that night, no others. Our bartender decided to still serve the rest of the mother's group, but the mother continued to complain about not having a drink but still refused to let a woman make it. The daughters boyfriend was getting really irritated at how rude she was being towards the bartenders, they got into an argument and the daughter's boyfriend punched the mom in the face and knocked off her glasses. The men went outside to "talk" and the girls went to patch up in the bathroom.

When I told my manager what had happened he was unsure what to do because the mother didn't want to leave but the boyfriend obviously shouldn't come back inside. After I told my manager how rude the girl was being to the bartenders, he kindly asked them if they could go to another bar nearby. Of course she freaked out saying it was her birthday, but we weren't going to get a new staff member to serve her just because of that. The mothers boyfriend got everyone to leave eventually.

Also, that same night we had a woman come in and eat a napkin in front of our hostess and then leave, not relevant to this story, but it was a weird @ss night for all of us.

hailzing

5. Wait for it...

I worked in a club in the 90s that was open on Friday and Saturday until 4am. In this state (Ohio) we had to stop serving alcohol at 2am, and often people would try to sneak in drinks after that.

I was walking through the dance floor just after we cleared all drinks and saw a kid with a beer. One of those "tall boys" that we didn't even sell.

It looked like he just opened it, and I was in a good mood. He looked like an nervous kid who probably never bothered anyone in his life. I decided to be nice and just confiscate the beer.

As soon as I opened my mouth he tried to take off running. I reach out and grab his jacket, and hear a thud. It takes me a moment to realize he just dropped his gun on the dance floor.

He was immediately held down by about three of us, cops were called and he went out in handcuffs.

Phynal

4. You booze, you lose.

Everyone who works in the industry pretty much knows everyone else in the area. So after we finish our shift, we head out to a local bar. We're pretty close to the tenders and bouncers so we're enjoying some beers and shooting the sh*t when all of a sudden the biggest bouncer "Dave" a 6'3" 275 lbs refrigerator of a man (total sweetheart as well) walks by with a dude over his shoulder like a bag of potatos. The guy in question is kicking his feet and trying to swipe Dave like a toddler being put down for a nap.

So Dave sees us, greets us with a chipper "What's up my dudes!" takes a shot from the bar and walks outside like he wasn't carrying a thrashing sack of drunken meat. It was so surreal I had to double check how many drinks I had at that point.

Another time at the same place we see one of the other bouncers taking out a screaming old dude who was WAY to drunk. The cops are following right behind him to make sure everything goes okay and the dude walks home. Nope. Once he's outside and realizes there is no way he's getting back in, he flips off the cops, and gets in his f*cking car! The second the cops see the lights turn on, they each get on a side of the car and force him out of the car to be arrested.

CrossFox42

3. Good luck unhearing this sound.

A patron passed out sitting the toilet. He had puked into his pants and underwear around his ankles. I rattled the stall till he came too and put his pukey pants on after failing to wipe his ass. After escorting him out the back door and I got him into a cab. I'll never forget the splooshing sound he made as he sat down in the cab.

djauralsects

That poor, poor cab driver.

DCCXXVIII

2. This wasn't in the employee handbook.

I worked for a while in a bar during college. I was the junior-most bartender, so when we were slow I would help do security at the door.

One night I'm checking IDs at the door while our head bouncer was standing there looking intimidating. He was about 6'5", rail skinny but nothing but muscle. So as I'm checking peoples IDs as they come in, a small guy, possibly of Middle Eastern descent, comes walking up from the parking lot. He had been 86ed the night before for being obnoxious to several women, so he was permanently banned from the bar. Randy (the head bouncer) sees this guy coming and just starts shaking his head, "No."

The guy walks right up to Randy, and pulls out a small semi-auto pistol and sticks it right in Randy's face and says, "I'm going to kill you." Randy looks at the guy, looks at the gun, looks back at the guy, and then leans down and says very softly, "No, I'm going to kill you." As this is happening right in front of me, I revert to my extensive lack of training and immediately start to hyperventilate and trying not to wet myself.

The dude with the gun stares up at Randy, looks at the gun in his own hand, and then takes off running back into the parking lot as fast as he can.

Later on that night after the bar closed, we were cleaning up and having a few drinks, so I asked Randi what the hell was he thinking when he said that. Randy responded, "Little gun. I would have had time to break his neck before I bled out."

"Is that that all that matters?", I asked him.

"That's all that matters"

jwgriffiths

1. He did this... "again?"

I've shared this one before in other thread but I never get tired of telling it:

I worked as a bouncer in a strip club for a little over 3 years. I have WAY too many stories for one post so I'll share the one that disturbed me the most.

One night, while working the front door, I was standing in the doorway watching vehicles pull into the parking lot because we can often spot problem people before they even exit their vehicle. People driving crazy, chugging beers before getting out, couples fighting etc etc.

This night was the only time I ever saw a hearse pull in.

The driver makes his way inside and proceeds to get sloppy drunk and gets cut off from the bar. Then he starts trying to leave, like in a hurry. At this point, all we are thinking about is getting him to stay and sober up before he gets behind the wheel again. My coworkers and I tried everything we could think of to convince him to stay. "Hey man, stay and have another table dance, stay and enjoy some free coffee, some free food, whatever. We'll even call a cab for you". Nope.

He just keeps heading for the door repeating, over and over "Nah, man. You don't understand. I gotta GO!". We follow him out to the parking lot, still trying to change his mind when one of the other bouncers realized we are following him... to a hearse. He yells "DO NOT tell me you've got a f*cking BODY in there man!". The driver then says " Yeah, that's why I keep telling you I have to go! Look I'll show you".

As we all stand there, utterly speechless, he swings the rear door open and raises the lid of the coffin. Inside, we see a nice looking older gent who is obviously on his way to his own funeral. "See, this is why I gotta go! If my boss finds out I did this again, I'll get fired!". This is the part where I like to stress that yes, he said AGAIN.

TL;DR: Alcoholic hearse driver gives poor dead stiff one final trip to the titty bar.

SpawnicusRex

People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley

Remember

"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt

Imagination

"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."

RedditbOiiiiiiiiii

"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."

monobarreller

Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."

– GTFOakaFOD

"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip

Yikes!

"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User

"Oh."

– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"

Sensations

Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."

PeachesnPain

Recovery

"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."

good_golly99

Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."

rayrayrayray

Free

The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."

TooReDTooHigh

This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.

Shocked

Giphy

"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."

Admirable_Buyer6528

The SOB

"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”

1-cupcake-at-a-time

Colors

"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"

Hannah_LL7

"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"

huntokarrr

The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."

Fluffy-Hotel-5184

Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."

Hot-Refrigerator6583

Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.

Shopping

"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.