Bosses Share The Times They Shut Down A Customer With "You're Already Speaking To The Manager"
Anyone who has worked in a customer facing position has had to deal with a customer demanding a manager at least once. Sometimes, they have a valid concern, and it's just something that's out of your hands. Often, though, they're misinformed or just upset and making everyone's lives more difficult.
I'm sure most of us have fantasized about telling off a rude customer or two but, in the interest of keeping our jobs, we keep these thoughts to ourselves. These Redditors, however, were in the position to receive some vindication. Instead of having to call out a manager to tell the customer exactly the same thing they'd just said, they were the manager.
Reddit user forrestJump1 asked:
"What was your best 'You're speaking to the manager right now' moment?"
These responses will warm the heart of many a frustrated customer service employee.
Some responses have been edited for content/clarity.
Sure I Can Get The Manager
Friend of mine: She was getting chewed out over something or other, finally the woman loudly demanded to see the manager. So she shrugged and got the manager.
Manager comes out all confused. Angry woman demands my friend get fired. Manager is very confused "But Ma'am, I can't do that... she is the owner"
When They're Out, They're Out
Giphy10 years ago I was a retail manager for Bath and Body Works. One day during holiday a customer began going off on one of my seasonal employees. Like psychotically screaming at her because we were out of Peppermint Twist body lotion. I walked up and asked the girl to go cover registers and that I would talk to the customer. Customer began yelling at me. After another 5 minutes of insisting it was in the back.
Her “I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!!”
Me “Miss, I am the manager on duty. This is a popular item. We have none in the back. None of our other stores in the area have anymore. You are welcome to look online but I doubt it is there anymore either. Have a lovely day.”
She turned purple and asked for our customer service number to complain.
It was December 24...
Deputy Andy To The Rescue
I own the building that the company I'm part owner in operates out of. It's in a nice office park with about a dozen other similarly sized stand alone office buildings. We have a dumpster that gets emptied twice a week that sits behind/on the side of our building that has a nice fence around it - the way it sits the parking lot of another building is close to it.
I'm ripping out carpet at my house and each night run by work and dispose some of it (we're not running production that week so there's nothing in the dumpster). On the third and last night before trash comes the next day, I notice a guy smoking by his car at the other office. As I'm getting ready to leave a car comes screeching up the side drive puts his brights on and yells at me to stay where I am.
I pause and it's the same guy and starts yelling at me that he's calling the cops he saw me dumping trash into the dumpster. I asked him what he cares and he said he's on special patrol for this company (the one I'm an owner of and would be in charge of hiring anyone as it is) and I'm in violation and need to remain there. I asked him who he talked to and he said "I don't know his last name but his name is Fred". We have never had a Fred work there.
So he's blocking my exit and I start hearing a siren. This guy says something like "here they come now you're screwed!" so I just sit there another minute. In rolls a county brownie with his lights on he comes strolling up and then says "Hey, what's up?" I said "Hey Andy I'm not sure but this guy here is trespassing on my property". His face at this point gets sheet white.
No I didn't press charges even if you could, but I didn't see him around again. I don't know if he was confused, mentally challenged, he sure seemed to have a short fuse. Officer Andy did take his info though I think more to scare the guy then anything else.
You Can Call Me Colonel
Back when I was in the Air Force there was a base picnic. I was put on the crew to get things set up. This task was finished, and we were just standing around bullsh*tting waiting for people to show up.
A young-looking guy (turns out he was in his 40s, but legitimately looked 25) walks up and starts talking to us. He introduced himself as the new Operations Group commander, and was a Colonel-select. He'd literally arrived on base that very morning, and heard about the picnic.
A couple minutes later, our boss (a Major) shows up and walks over to us. He said, "Hey guys I think the new OG might be here today. Be on your best behavior because I heard he's a real @sshole."
We all stared at him in horror. The OG just smiled, stuck out his hand and said, "Hi. I'm the @sshole, but you can call me Colonel."
Don't Gossip At Parties
I was invited to a birthday party at a remote acquaintance's place. She introduced me to her husband and tried to start a conversation by "you two work in the same field!" So the husband started to talk about his work, while I asked polite questions. Then he started to badmouth about a competitor of the place he worked at. He would claim there was "something shady" about the company, how they would scam customers and can not be trusted. First I asked, where he got his apparent insider knowledge from. When he couldn't name a source I looked at him and said: "No problem buddy, just take the opportunity to ask anything you'd like to fact check, as you are currently talking to the owner of the company!"
The conversations around us literally stopped, and a very awkward silence followed, which I ended by politely saying goodbye.
Good Morning, Councilor
I got a parking ticket a few months ago. When I was waiting in line to pay it I started talking to the lady next to me. Apparently she just got fined under a new ordinance for keeping her work van parked in the street for a month. She was ranting and raving about how the city has become “Nazi Germany” because of laws like this. “Those city councilors are b*stards! How dare they!” I quietly listened and nodded.
Well, I’m on the city council and I helped write that ordinance. We have it in place because people like her keep their cars in front of peoples driveways and make it impossible for them to pull out in the morning.
When I went to the cashier and was greeted with “Good Morning, Councilor” her jaw nearly dropped.
The "Real" Technician
I used to be a cell phone tech in a retail store. We weren't employed by the main company, we were contracted through another company, so our manager hierarchy was separate. I was the only tech on one night, which made me the acting tech manager. I am a woman.
A guy came in and was immediately belligerent wanting his phone fixed, came up to the tech counter. The conversation went something like this:
Me: How can I help you?
Him: My phone is broken I need to talk to the technician.
Me: I'm the technician, what's wrong with your phone?
Him: No, I need to talk to the tech out back.
Me: I'm the only technician on tonight.
Him: No, I mean the guy in the back who fixes the phones.
Me: I *am* the "guy" out back who fixes the phones.
Him: Why won't you let me talk to the real technician? You can't fix this.
Me: (opened the window to the back to show him it's empty) I'm the only *technician* here tonight. What's going on with your phone?
Him: You're being very rude right now, I want to talk to your manager!
Me: My manager is not in right now, I'm the acting technical support manager. How can I help you?
Him: I need to speak to someone above you right now!
Me: There's nobody above me available right now, you'll have to wait until tomorrow during daytime hours.
Him: I don't have time for that! I work for a living!
Me: So do I. As a technician.
Him: I'm not leaving until I talk to someone!
Me: I can get the store manager for you.
Him: Yes! Go get HIM! HE will take care of me! How f*cking stupid can you get, that's what I've wanted!
Me: Ok, I will go get the store manager. (I did, she was also a woman)
Him: Who's this? I wanted the store manager.
Manager: I am the store manager, sir.
Him: She won't let me talk to the technician! (Pointing at me)
Manager: She is the technician, sir.
Him: Well she can't fix my phone!
Manager: (to me) Could we not fix his phone?
Me: He wouldn't tell me what's wrong with it, I don't know yet if we can fix it or not.
Manager: (to him) What's wrong with the phone?
Him: (defeated at this point) It's not sending texts, it's defective, I need a new one.
Manager: (to me) Can we fix that?
Me: Yes, it's a known issue with that model. It just needs a software update, should only take about 10-20 minutes.
Him: Yeah, like *software* is going to do that!
Me: Will you let me try it?
Him: Ok, fine, *try* it. But when it doesn't work I want a new phone!
Me: (updated the software, it worked) Ok, it's been updated successfully and I backed up your contacts and photos so they're all still there. I tested the texting and it's working now. Is there anything else I can help you with?
Him: Took you long enough! And you're very rude!
Me: Ok.
He Does All The Jobs
GiphyNot me, but one of my best friends really made it at a young age already. He's in the hotel business – was night receptionist during college, became F&B manager, moved to assistant general manager, became general manager of one hotel, of two hotels, and then went on to the board of directors of a hotel chain. Mid sized. He was something like director of sales so had to deal with customer complaints occasionally if it got up high enough. Since the chain was not that big, next to his job as sales director he was also the general manager of a smaller hotel that served as his office as well. One day he is planning on heading home around 5 pm when he gets notified that the night receptionist is ill and won't make it – and the day receptionist is leaving for a two weeks holiday after his shift ends. Now since night receptionist has certain responsibilities, not anyone can do it, and they don't find a replacement. So my friend, being on the board of directors, sighs and accepts that he will have to do it for one night, they will work something out for the next days. Mind you, he was only 32 or 33 at that time and has quite the baby face.
Of course somewhere during the evening someone shows up for a late check in. Hotel is fully booked due to some conference nearby. The late arrival has no reservation. Tough luck. But no; he is 100% sure that he has a reservation. My friend checks the system and indeed, he does have a reservation, for the next day/night. Booked online about 5 minutes ago. My friend explains that he is more than welcome the next day but that he cannot help him this evening and tries to give him other options nearby. The dude is not having this and is accusing my friend of being at fault, he has a reservation so he should get a room, it's not his fault the hotel overbooked. As these things go, he asks to speak to the manager.
Now my friend can be a real prick when he is done with your sh*t so he pulls the old "I will get the duty manager for you!", walks through a door, turns around, walks in the reception again and shakes the hand of the guest, presenting himself as the duty manager. Of course, dude throws a fit and gets even madder. "I want to speak to the real manager!". My friend shows him the board that says "General Manager: \[friendsname\]" and asks if he should get the general manger, mister \[friendsname\]. Dude says he better damn well should do that. OF course my friend happily repeats his trick with the door and comes back, pointing at his name tag and explaining that he is the GM of the hotel. Dude storms out shouting that he will write a complaint about this.
Now stuff like this has happened before and most of the time it ends here, but this guy went as far as really writing a complaint and beginning said complaint with demanding that the complaint is sent to higher management immediately and not handled by the GM of the hotel. So of course, the complaint ends up at the desk of the Sales director of the chain. Who, of course, is my friend all the same!
He actually wrote him back a nice reply explaining that the hotel really was fully booked and that the guest by mistake chose the wrong date (of course it was no mistake just a guy hoping that creating a fuzz would land him a room), that the hotel was very sorry and he gave him a 10% discount on his next booking. All this signed by "[friendname], receptionist, duty manager, general manager, director of sales of [hotel chain]".
Always Know Who You're Complaining To
I was working a a receptionist in a hotel in Sydney. I was sitting in the smoking area on my break. New guy - dressed in the same ill fitting plastic suit uniform as me - comes by and sits down. We start chatting... He tells me that it`s his first day on the job and that he is working somewhere in administration. He asked a lot about the hotel, my work place, possible improvements and things like that. My mind must have been somewhere else, because I answered all of his questions without realizing that he was taking notes. I got into quite a rant to be honest. My rant ended with:"We are getting a new general manager soon. Hope he is not @sshole and I hope he starts fixing this place."
That´s when the guy started smiling and asked me if I thought he was an @sshole. That´s when I realized that the new admin guy was actually our new GM.
To be fair: He really was quite nice and we shared many a cigarette during breaks :-)
It's Not All Bad
I used to work at an ice cream shop and on a night when we were short staffed, worked the line scooping ice cream with my team.
I was helping two women who were kinda standoffish and I was doing my best to make conversation and be friendly but it was a little awkward. (I had my customer service smile plastered to my face, and I knew I was a bit much but wanted to try and keep the energy up for my team.)
I got their scoops and sent them down to the register to pay and then was pulled to the back to handle a question from my team.
As soon as I get to the back the person on the register said "there is someone who wants to speak to you."
Knowing we were short staffed I took a deep breath because it was going to be someone complaining about the wait or something like that.
I walk out and it's the two women I just served. Uh oh.
They look at me and say, "YOU'RE the manager?" I put on my biggest customer service smile and say "Yes, I'm so sorry is there something I can help you with?"
"Oh well, this seems silly but we really wanted to commend you for being so bright and cheery. When we were waiting in line we saw you being so friendly with everyone... So uhm. Thanks?"
It was super awkward, so I laughed and thanked them and stood there awkwardly giggling/smiling because I don't know what else to do until they walked away.
I went back in the back and did dishes or something because I couldn't handle talking to people for at least 10 minutes. It was a roller coaster of emotion.
Coupon Conundrum
Customer was getting all angry about a coupon. Cashier called me over. Normally, I'd just let it slide and accept the coupon, but then she had the audacity to insult my cashier, claiming she was incompetent. So I denied it, cause f**k this lady. She got all pissy, demanded to talk to the manager.
"Sorry, the manager left for the day, but the supervisor is here."
"Well then, I want to speak to your supervisor," she hissed
"I am the supervisor," I said firmly. "This coupon is not valid."
"Fine!" She huffed and left her stuff at the counter, muttering about never shopping there again.
Cashier was a bit shaken up, but I'm not very good at consoling so I just said, "F**k her, we don't need her."
No, that's a good response. I'd be cheered up at that.
Hope You Didn't Need That Too Badly
I am the youngest person who works in my main office. I also happen to be the GM and part owner of the company.
Had someone come in, talking to one of the employees who has been here 28 years. This guy has a conniption about a warranty issue, asks for a manager. My guy comes and gets me, I go out there ask "how can I help?"
Guy says he needs a manager.
"Sir, I am the manager"
"Then I need the owner!"
"I am also the owner, what can I do for you?"
"I don't believe you!"
"Okay then. Employee, we are denying that warranty request, I'll let his management know what happened."
Chowder Racket
When I was 19 I was promoted to manager of the front of the house in this little seafood place I'd been working at since I was about 15. On the BOH (Back of House) manager's days off, I'd be the only manager there. This woman used to come in and order the clam chowder about once a week, eat it all, and then claim it was made differently than the last time and demand that it be comped. For some reason the previous manager always just did it. But it annoyed me that she was being rewarded for being dishonest since we had the same recipe and followed it exactly since the place had opened. I was just WAITING for her to try it on me and finally, she did.
I was the only manager there that day and sure enough one of the waitresses said she needed a comp for a table and there was the cheap@ss. I went over there and she told me "Last time you had all kinds of vegetables in this chowder! I'm not paying for it!" Bahahahaha! I was like, "Ma'am, we've been making that chowder the same way since the place opened and you know it as well as I do. So you can either pay for it like a decent person, or I can comp it and you are not welcome here ever again." Cue her demanding to see the manager. I nearly burst out in an evil villain style cackle when I informed her that she was looking at the manager. She tried to argue for a couple minutes and then finally gave up, paid, and never came back.
No, We Won't Bend The Rules Just For You
Ooh. I have one of these. Used to be a department supervisor for a library. Basically this meant I was third from the top in the system according to the org chart, and if my manager was gone then I was in charge of the building.
One day a lady is in our department complaining about some bit of policy. Can't remember what, but think an entitled suburban mom getting mad we won't bend policy for her. She finally demands to talk to my supervisor when I won't budge.
I smile. Tell her that's fine. Turn as though I'm going to get someone, but do a full twirl instead and hold out my hand. She looks at me like I'm nuts and I introduce myself as the supervisor and heard she had a problem.
The lady storms off to the front desk. A few minutes later one of the workers there comes back with this lady. Explains that she had a problem and wanted to talk to the person in charge. Which was me that day because my boss was out.
The look on her face when the front desk worker pulled her into the office to talk to the person in charge and I was sitting there grinning was delicious. I explained that we still wouldn't be changing our system policy just for her. Have a nice day.
Only time I've ever been able to do that, but it was fun.
Ignoring People Isn't The Way To Go
A salesman walks into the reception area where I happened to be. I ask him if I can help him and he barely acknowledges my existence. A few more attempts and he says wants to talk to someone more senior. At that moment one of the staff enters, who is older than me. The salesman immediately tries to flag him down and asks to speak to someone in charge. He points at me and says "Well the owner is standing right there".
I Need An Adult
Not the manager, but a woman called the store I (20 years old at the time) worked at and I answered the phone:
Me: [store name], ravensray speaking. Her: I need to speak to an adult. Me: hold on let me grab one... hello, ravensray speaking.
She was not amused, but my manager was.
Know When To Apologize
Maybe too late. Here it goes. I worked as a resident director aka the boss of the building for my university. Despite being in my 20's, I looked barely out of high school.
Move in day for all the freshman. The usual stuff happens. Crying parents and students. People trying to move in items that are not allowed. General crazy day nothing unusual yet.
Cue to a mom with the typical can I speak to your manager body language and haircut. She walks up to my staff member and demands another room for her child. The mom yells. Insults my staff. Finally she is screaming for a manager. I walk up and introduce myself and ask for her to tell me what's going on. The mom cannot believe her eyes. Me, this young man was the manager. She insisted on getting the real manager. I pull out my wallet and give her my card with my name and title clearly printed and informed her that I was the real manager. She continued to huff and puff until she ran out of steam.
Hours later I get knock on my door and it is the mom. She apologized for her behavior and explained it was stressful moving their child away from home. Emotions got the best of her and thanked me for treating her with respect despite her not showing the same.
If You Know It's Bad, Don't Buy It
I used to manage a vape shop. We would get unruly customers all the time. Lots of cheap a**holes.
This one guy comes in looking for a new tank. I show him our three most popular tanks. "Too expensive". He then points at a tank on my discount wall. The tank was a first generation and it's about 4 years old. So I was very up front with him. "Yes sir, it is a cheap tank. But I will let you know it's not a very good tank. It's one of the first tanks in the industry and is not great."
He insisted on buying it, so I sold it to him. And I let him know "Alrighty sir, just be aware that we do not allow returns on tanks. So if you don't like it, we can't take it back."
Cue 3 days down the road, he comes back complaining that I sold him a bunk tank. I said "yes sir, I did. But I told you it was a bad tank and you still opted to buy it, against my warnings. I told you we won't take it back."
He threw a massive fit and insisted on speaking to the manager. And this was after insulting me and cussing at me multiple times. I smiled and said "okay" and walked back to the office. Then I came back out and said "I heard you needed a manager?" Oooooh he was pissed. "GIVE ME A DIFFERENT MANAGER". "Sir, I'm the only manager. Please leave my store. You are no longer welcome here."
There was other managers. A district manager and a regional manager. But I had full autonomy in these matters and they'd be pissed if I had bothered them with this.
His final words were "you haven't seen the last of me!" I responded "that's okay, the police station is about 400 yards down the street. If I see you here again, they will be called." And he just angrily stormed out never to be seen again.
Sorry bro. I straight up told you not to buy that tank. You insisted because you're cheap.
Can't Do The Impossible
I run a support service for people without a lawyer. My clients, for the most part, are incredibly grateful and brave people. They are faced with navigating incredibly difficult legal processes alone - I respect each of them for the difficulties that they have to endure. Our service is limited in that we cannot provide legal advice (that will be important later).
But some people just want the world to bend over backwards for their every whim. I had one client who was demanding that the court provide her with transport on the day of her hearing (over 100 miles). Whilst I knew this was not at all possible, I went out of my way to go and speak to the relevant people to try and make it happen. I informed her that sorry, no, the court can't provide that for you, and I can't make it happen as I don't work for the court. Furthermore, I wasn't able to answer her questions as she was asking me to provide her with legal advice.
She became increasingly aggressive and was accusing me of obstructing justice for her, and for discrimination a) due to her not being British, and b) due to her disability. I remained calm as always, and tried to just make it clear that she was asking me to do things that I literally could not do. It came to a head when I became quite firm and told her that I couldn't do anything for her, and that I was going to have to put the phone down and get on with my other tasks.
She goes silent, and then, in a curt voice, says those magic words, "Can I speak to the manager please?"
The smile on my face spread. "I am the manager".
euphoric
P.S. Honestly, I wanted to help her. Even though she was being awful to me, many of my difficult clients are incredibly stressed out, and the cuts to legal aid in the UK mean that so many vulnerable people are left to fend for themselves in the legal jungle. But there really comes a point where you can't let yourself be the sponge for other peoples' negativity, and you just have to put your foot down and take no sh*t.
Own Your Mistakes
I worked at a local diesel truck shop, where we sold aftermarket parts. I was talking to this one person who had a Dodge pickup truck, but ordered a Ford exhaust. Now, we're usually easy going on returns, if its a couple days over the 30 days, etc. But this one guy is saying that we shipped him the wrong exhaust. I'm looking at his order in the system and he ordered the wrong exhaust. I tell him there will be a restock fee and he has to pay shipping back to us. I send him a copy of his order and receipt. Still denies he bought the wrong thing. Says "Gimme your manager, I'm sure he can help me." That's when I look at the owner of the company, and they nod at me, I tell the customer on the phone "I am the manager sir." Said it with such confidence too - my first time ever having to use that line. His anger and arrogance just disappeared. Guy returned his exhaust system within 3 days to us, accepting the restock fee.
H/T: Reddit
It's a teacher's job to leave a lasting impression and set a good example for their students.
With this in mind, particularly in this age of viral videos and social media, teachers have to be very careful of what they say during class hours.
Even so, there are very few teachers who haven't said something they've regretted when teaching a class.
Sometimes to control unruly students, other times when they've simply had enough.
Then too, sometimes teachers leave their students baffled and perplexed by what they say in their classroom, well aware of what they were saying.
Always making for a memorable story.
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
Wait what?!
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattz
get out GIFGiphyIt's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswers
of montreal dancing GIF by Polyvinyl RecordsGiphyEveryone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
Well, Then...
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
Sad Premonitions
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
People Who've Had A Serious Illness Describe The Exact Moment They Knew Something Was Really Wrong
As a kid, I never raised alarm bells even when I started to feel sick. My mom got stressed easily and was busy taking care of my younger brother, so I never wanted to be a burden by making her take me to the doctor only to find out nothing was wrong.
However, in fifth grade, my ears started to hurt and I knew something was wrong. I told my mom, she took me to the doctor, and I found out I had an ear infection.
Now, an ear infection isn't serious at all, and it was easily treatable. Still, I learned something from that experience: no one knows your body better than you. You know if and when you're sick and how serious it is, even if you don't now exactly what is wrong.
Redditors can corroborate this. Many of them have experienced symptoms that told them they were sick in some way -- usually with a very serious illness -- and are ready to share those experiences.
It all started when Redditor thelearner18 asked:
"People who have had a serious disease (cancer, MS, organ failure, etc) when did you realize something was really wrong?"
A Lesson Learned
"Hust found out i have rectal cancer. 42 yrs old. multiple stools per day, not fully emptying, thin poop. so got a colonoscopy. bam! cancer. starting chemo next week. lesson learned for everyone....if your stools or stool schedule changes, go see a doctor"
– shawngee03
A Lucky Break
"I had been having a lot of pain in my midsection, and all around my torso for several weeks. I went to the doctor and it was dismissed as gynecological cramping (menopausal?). It remained. After several weeks (6-8) I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to emergency in the middle of the night. I got a CT scan that showed a large kidney stone. They also found a mass on my ovary. The kidney stone lead them to finding a rare ovarian cancer. If not for that stone, I wouldn’t have known about the cancer and might not have caught it in time. I have been in remission since September 2021."
– peachsqueeze66
Cause For Concern
"My kid, who was 14 at the time, kept throwing up in the morning and having weird headaches. Her doctor thought it was migraines. She went back a couple of times, but the doctor was not concerned. Then one day she complained of a whooshing noise in her ear. Went to the children’s hospital and found out it was a brain tumor near her cerabellum. She was in ICU for a month, but turned out it was non cancerous and it never grew back. She is doing great now."
– Evilelfqueen
"I heard a whooshing noise in my ear a few years ago I only really heard it at night when it was quiet it would sometimes switch ears now I basically never hear it. I'm pretty sure it was just pulsatile tinnitus but still scary."
– fallen-summer
It Was The Salt
"I have Cystic Fibrosis (terminal lung disease) and it was found out when I didn't sh*t for 3 days after I was born and then my mother gave me a kiss and said I tasted REALLY salty."
"Now I'm on a gene modification drug called Trikafta and this is some serious witch craft a** sh*t because I no longer feel sick to death and I basically feel like a normal person. It's f*cking wild!
"Went from 19% lung function to 87% in 3 months. I no longer cough my a** off or feel like I'm suffocating from mucus. Go science!"
– Sudden_Blueberry_477
A Funky Optic Nerve
"I was diagnosed with MS when I was 22 after having blurred vision in one eye after a ski trip. I went to the optometrist and they said I had a dry eye probably from not wearing goggles while snow boarding. So they gave me steroid drops. After a week it kept getting worse, so I went back and they told me my eye looked much better so they did a field of view test, which showed I couldn’t see anything out of the lower half of one eye. They sent me straight to the emergency room since nothing was wrong physically wrong with my eye. They did some tests and I was diagnosed with MS and ended up going completely blind in one eye. My vision eventually came back and I got on medication within a month so haven’t really had any symptoms or issues since thankfully. I’m only 29 now though."
– johnjohn9312
Caught It In Time
"This isn't me, but this happened to my best friend VERY recently. Like in the last couple of months."
"Was perfectly fine and healthy one day. Then the next he started feeling a little bit of pain in his kidney. He'd had kidney stones before, so he figured it was that again. Then he started peeing blood. He thought it was still part of the kidney stone thing so let it go for a couple days, but he was still peeing blood and the pain was getting worse."
"That's when he decided to go to the doctor. They did an X-ray and found a mass in his kidney and told him that based on where it was located they can't remove the mass, and they can't do a partial kidney removal, and it's about a 90% chance it's cancerous, but they wouldn't be able to do a biopsy without removing the kidney first. They did the whole insurance dance, but it went fast and within two weeks he was in surgery having his kidney removed."
"He's still recovering at home right now, but they got the biopsy results last week. It was indeed cancerous, but they caught it before it spread."
– SweetCosmicPope
Happily Ever After
"I couldn’t walk anymore with my crutch I had been using to get by. Had Been on Percocet for 8 months because of the extreme pain. Nobody was finding answers to my pain but I knew something was wrong, badly. After finally having an ultra sound on my hips at the age of 26 I found out I had to undergo a double hip replacement to walk again due to a serious rare disease. I was stage 4 Avascular Nercrosis. Took a year to recover from both. But Happier ending, I’m doing good now. However it was very very upsetting news to get over a phone call at 26."
– heartpathetic
It Really Sneaks Around
"My wife started getting numbness in her right arm. The breast cancer had spread to her right shoulder and the tumor was crushing the nerves. She has stage four breast cancer in her bones."
– zenos_dog
A Turn For The Worse
"For me, it started May 14, 2014. I went to work and was having a good morning. Then, at about 9:00 in the morning or so, I started to feel some lower abdominal pain. Not to be crude, but it felt like that cramp you get when you really need to go to the bathroom. I did so, but the pain didn't go away. It got worse. I started to feel chills, was sweating, and felt nauseated. My employer has a clinic on site, so I went there. After some poking and prodding, the nurse asked me if I wanted to go home or if I wanted to go to the emergency room. I decided to go home, and if the pain didn't subside, then I'd go to the emergency room. As I was saying that, though, I noticed that my pain had gotten a LOT worse. They always make you rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt. When I went into the clinic, I was mostly uncomfortable, maybe a high 2 going into a 3. On that very subjective scale, I was now a 6 or a 7."
"I changed my mind and decided to go straight to the nearest emergency room. My boss drove me, and by the time we got there about 15 minutes later, I was now a 10. This was the worst pain I'd ever felt. My previous definition of the worst pain I'd ever felt was when I broke 7 bones in my wrist, it was misdiagnosed as a sprain, and I had to have them rebroken 2 weeks later. The pain in my abdomen was now worse than that. The emergency room admitted me and put me in a wheelchair. They wheeled me to a room, I curled up on the bed they put me in, and passed out."
"At some point, a nurse came in and gave me some morphine. Great stuff. No pain at all anymore. A doctor came in and told me they suspected a kidney stone. He wanted me to get a CT scan to confirm it, and I agreed. An orderly wheeled me off to imaging. I got scanned without contrast and was wheeled back to the room. My wife had arrived while I was getting scanned. Shortly later, the doctor who told me he thought it was a kidney stone came into the room. With another doctor. And two nurses. They all crowd around me with solemn looks on their faces."
"The first doctor told me it was a kidney stone. A 2 to 3 mm kidney stone had been lodged in the ureter of my left kidney. That's the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder. It passed into my bladder when they gave me the morphine, but they could see evidence of it on the CT scan. Then the other doctor said they were more concerned about the 6 cm mass they found on my right kidney. They had my attention."
"They did another CT scan, with contrast this time, and it was impossible to see anything but a tumor in the pictures they showed me. They made an appointment for me with a urologist for the next day, as well as an appointment in a few days time to get it biopsied. It was an after-hours appointment for the urologist, but he was nice enough to stay late to see me. He looked at the CT Scans and cancelled my appointment to get it biopsied. He said there was nothing else it could be but cancer, and the kidney would have to go."
"Two months later, I had the kidney and the tumor removed laparoscopically. I was incredibly lucky. They caught it in stage 1. The doctor said there were signs it was going to start moving soon. I have no idea how doctors can look at a softball sized lump of cancer and tell anything other than 'gross', but that's why they're the doctors and I'm not."
"My recovery was smooth, and I've been cancer-free for 9 years. I was incredibly blessed. I didn't have to deal with chemo, or radiation. While those can save your life, they are also horrible experiences with nasty side effects. I didn't have to deal with any of them. I was bracing myself to have to. They said it was a possibility. But I didn't. I have every respect for those not as fortunate as me, and wish them all the best in recovery."
– mnementh9999
Reason #5,622 To Start Exercising
"I started jogging again to try and get back into running shape. I kept noticing that just after a mile or so, I'd stop and get REALLY lightheaded. Kept thinking, "oh, I'm really out of shape" and kept going. Went in a few weeks later for my annual physical and doctor said "you ever been told you have a heart murmur?", no. Two months later I spent Christmas of 2017 in the ICU after having a section of my aorta cut out and a new valve put in. Surgeon said it was bad. Said it wouldn't have made it too much longer."
"Edit: for clarification, it was an aortic dissection."
– Itsawlinthereflexes
Slow And Steady
"My dad's friend went on a hike with a doctor who knew him and he was winded not far from the car. The doctor clocked it right away and told him to get his heart checked. He had 98% blockage in his heart arteries."
"He tells my dad so my dad gets the test to see how his arteries are doing and they found a massive aneurism on his aorta. He is getting it removed tomorrow. He had no symptoms but the doctors said if he had overdone it he would be dead before anyone would even know what was going on. Crazy how a random friend's hike may have saved his life."
– Pencilowner
It Takes A Village
"I never did, my teacher and parents did."
"I was seven, usually an active kid and my first grade teacher noticed that rather than running around at recess I sat down and took a nap. It happened a couple more times and after I fell asleep in class (totally out of character), she gave my parents a call, we had been visiting the doc fairly regularly cause I was also complaining of joint pain and frequent ear infections combined with the new symptoms and a new doc at the practice I was finally diagnosed with leukemia."
– greenmachine11235
Thank goodness for that teacher (and of course, the parents)!
When in the beginning stages of dating, it's important to know as much as humanly possible.
The element of surprise is no longer a fun aspect of romance.
Ask the small questions. Ask the hard questions.
Interrogate. Grill. Investigate.
Of course, you should do it with a subtle hand instead of an interrogation lamp.
The truth is all we have.
Ask everything.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I Do
Shocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy"Are you married?"
wrenchmonkey135
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
Squibit314
We Lived!
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
dont_u_know
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
jmims98
Family Planning
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
GoodAlicia
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
GoodAlicia
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
GoodAlicia
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
HumpieDouglas
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Nayeliq1
Room Temperature
Frosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
OneFingerIn
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
djdante
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
Discovery
Blown Away Wow GIF by AminéGiphy"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
youcantkillanidea
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
LivestockMarc
Personal Time
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
Githard
Past Issues
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
CantTakeMeSeriously
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
phiore
Values
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
SkullKrusher9000
Essentials
Tell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
KhaosElement
TRUTH PLEASE!!
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
extracensorypower
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
As much as we always hop for our dating efforts to be worth it and for every relationship to work out, we all know that some relationships are not destined to work out.
But sometimes relationships end for totally valid reasons, and sometimes the reasons are painful, if not devastating.
Redditor overIorded asked:
"What went wrong with your last partner?"
History Repeating Itself
"He cheated on me. And I was glad because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave."
"Now I know somebody who's in the same situation. They're trapped. And she's such a gentle and fun person who's afraid to leave him because 'well, it's always been like this, I'm used to it,' and 'I deserve it.'"
"She wants to leave him, she knows she should leave him, but it's so hard to do it, and I know that feeling."
"I'm thinking I should give her my phone number like when the day comes you've had enough, I'll gladly come to help you move out from that s**thole."
- NmlsFool
Mental Health Struggles
"I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now."
- Last-Celery7146
"I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and mildly said, it absolutely ruined me. Her trauma and mental problems were BAD, but I still wanted to be with them. So if you ask me, as long as they can give you the space and support you need, and want to be with you, let them make the decision."
- emilersen
"It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now."
"I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now."
"I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and someday, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner."
- SpoonAtKnifeFight
Relationship Styles
"We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t."
- Altrano
At Least There's That
"Her psychotic brother tried to kill me. Thankfully he has a Stormtrooper's aim..."
- Active-Plate7939
"Hate the attempted murder, love the 'Star Wars' reference."
- letmetellyousom
Childfree Living
"He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all-natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant."
"I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, and at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable."
"Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best."
- Free-Government5162
Family Ties
"She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family and was trying to find ways to sabotage it."
- Cobra-Serpentress
"Similar aspect to mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. She would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up."
- letmetellyousom
Quality Time
"My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me."
"He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple."
"He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago."
- dallasmysterylover
Distracted with a Punch
"A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on, and he sucker-punched me in the face."
- Brilliant-Victory128
Projecting Insecurities
"He cheated on me for all six years we were together and then accused me of cheating on him, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house."
"I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner."
- Affectionate_Egg1252
Children Come First
"He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues, and probably has other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship, but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him, I had to leave."
- rintan13
Poor Communication
"I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything."
- aj_oof0323
"Oh look, it's the last 14 years of my life..."
- empathetic111
"I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later."
Deserving Better
"I started drinking again and became a miserable a**hole due to my own depression and my s**tty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my s**tty mood all the time... so she left. I don't blame her."
"So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back, but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone."
"And to my ex: You'll find someone again... someone better."
- cracksintheegg
Big Moves
"He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was 'friends' with before me."
- dont_be_trash
Alzheimer's Disease
"My ex's early-onset Alzheimers (at the age of 50) and the resulting violence, paranoia, and irrational thinking. I tried to honor my vows, but he was so far out there, I feared for my life."
- No_Transportation258
Different Definitions of Marriage
"She cheated on me after five years total together, the last one of which was while we were engaged. She cheated on me for months, all while I was planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future."
"I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care."
- Mountaingoat1001
This conversation just goes to show that relationships can end for all kinds of reasons. Even in relationships where there is still a lot of love and committment, the relationship can still end, just like how the relationship can end suddenly because of a surprising and devastating realization.