Dating is difficult––and truth be told, I don't know how anyone can do it right now, what with a pandemic going on and all. Just the thought stresses me out. Dating is especially hard for people who defy expectations in a heteronormative society. Take bisexuals, for example.
Bisexuals have been open about their struggles maintaining relationships with both men and women, even having to lie about their sexuality if they want to date certain people.
"I feel like if I end up in a straight relationship, I'll look like I was just experimenting all these years, but if I end up in a gay relationship people will say I was never actually bisexual," one man told the BBC in 2019. "Then if I don't have a monogamous relationship people will say I'm just greedy."
Indeed, the pressure to be either gay or straight can be a lot to navigate. After Redditor Trevor-on-Reddit asked the online community, "Bisexual people who have dated both genders, what are some notable differences you've learned about dating both men and women?" bisexuals spoke candidly about their experiences. Take note: You might learn something new.
"They both think..."
They both think their signals are clear. They are not.
I knew this was universal!
Practically everyone I've ever met and gotten to know has complained about communication issues at some point.
"Both genders are bad..."
Both genders are bad at communicating but in completely different ways.
Men are more likely to not tell you information that would be important to you simply because they don't deem it important. They gave you the important information. If you can't understand it, then you're either trying to complicate the issue or you're not listening to them.
Women are more likely to not tell you information important to them because they see it as obvious. If they have to tell you the issue, then you're not paying attention to them and the issue at hand or you're not as invested in the relationship as they are.
This sounds like the basis of every family sitcom ever made.
It does get tiring to see those same tropes rehashed over and over again, I'll admit.
"They both still have that same tenderness..."
Dating a man feels like one of your male best friends decided he likes dick one day. Dating women feels "softer" and even though common interests are there, there's more of that listening to their interests because they like it and you're interested in them and not because you care about the subject at hand.
They both still have that same tenderness and butterfly feeling. That's been my experience so far anyways.
"I find the dynamics of trust..."
I'm a bisexual man. I find the dynamics of trust to be vastly different between my male and female companions. Men have been quicker to trust me, but became more nervous over time; women needed more time to build that trust, but once it was there, it was solid.
I've generally thought of that as not being inherent to their gender and instead tied to how they relate to my maleness. In the same-sex relationships, there's a lot more risk involved because of societal heteronormativity — there's the initial pressure to be out and proud that prompts these men to engage in their relationships with passion, but then there's a worry that the relationship will fail because of the toxic aspect of queer pride. With the women, there's a general fear of violence from men, so there's more caution early on.
"It's much easier to find a man..."
So keep in mind that this is my own experience, and is in no way meant to apply to everyone.
I'm a bi male.
Non-sexually, men are much more straightforward in almost every way. Everything from what they want to eat, to whether or not they're interested in you. Women rely much more on cues or non-verbal communication.
In my experience, gay men have been the least receptive to the fact that I'm bi. Straight women tend to be hesitant, but if they've already shown interest in me they usually are still interested after I tell them I'm bi.
Sexually, with men it's about finishing. With women it's about the journey. With men, I've had more than one occasion where we're playing video games and someone starts getting frisky. We pause, get each other off, and are back to playing games in like 10 minutes. Women, on the other hand, tends to like getting frisky, then foreplay, then sex, then winding down.
It's much easier to find a man to be with than a woman, at least for me.
I'm below average in the looks department (like a 3, maybe a 4 on a good day). The women who are interested in me tend to be around there, and I've never had an objectively"hot" one show interest in me. While most of the men I've been with also fall somewhere around there, I've slept with a couple of genuinely hot guys. Muscular, tanned, well-endowed. There's a certain set of guys that really like chubby guys and apparently I fit the bill for them.
Everyone likes cuddles though.
Cuddling is incredible.
I can confirm I've been aghast when I've had a partner who didn't like cuddling.
"One thing I noticed..."
One thing I noticed back when I was dating was that women have a lot more baggage when it comes to physical intimacy. Women go through a lot, they have tons of pressures put on them, many have had negative sexual experiences. It's, well, just more complicated. The guys I dated were frankly much more direct and more simplistic about it. I'm not saying either of these descriptions apply to all women or men, but that was my experience. With guys it was like 'hey, wanna make out?' and just sort of that simple.
To which this person replied:
As a woman, that's definitely contributing to it. For women, sex is wrapped up with so much bs. It's wrapped up in the ambient (or direct) shaming crisscrossed with our sexualized bodies plastered everywhere that we grow up with, it's wrapped up with the adult men who harassed us when we were preteens and teens, it's wrapped up in the frightening moments when a boy corners us thinking he's being smooth when really he's been aggressive and scary, in the nerves about walking alone, in the fear of giving a man 'the wrong idea' and being told it's our fault when he hurts us, in the stigma and burden of unwanted pregnancy and the choices or lack thereof in that...
It's really hard for sex to be simple for women. I'd bet money that by the time any woman in the world has hit the age of twenty, she has a story of being harassed or victimized in some way. It becomes a minefield.
"Other than that..."
It's much harder to find a girl who wants to date you than a guy if you're a girl. Either you keep finding straight women, or you both are afraid of being too forward and no one makes the first move. Guys are way less shy about it. But since it's so much harder to get a girlfriend, the relationships with women tend to last longer, because we wouldn't have gotten together if we weren't pretty sure we were compatible.
Other than that, there's not a huge difference. Individual people are more unique than men are from women, if that makes sense. But I will say I've never had to fight with or teach a woman why something that happened to me was misogynistic. It's more likely that she's experienced something similar.
"I've dated enough personalities..."
I'm a bi woman.
There's not much difference, in my experience. I've dated enough personalities to dismantle virtually any stereotype about gender lol. The most romantic and clingy were guys, the most aloof was a woman. People are just so different.
Dating women does come with the queer element though, where you have awkwardness over who to be "out" to. I've been lucky enough to mostly steer clear of biphobia but I did briefly date a girl who I think just wanted to be queer because that was her idea of herself (for activist reasons or something?) but I am skeptical if she was actually queer. Needless to say, that didn't last.
Conversely, when I date guys, I sometimes get anxious about being perceived as straight or "gay until she found a dude". Not that what people think matters, but it's funny. When I date women I worry about homophobia, when I date guys, I worry about being erased.
Oh, small difference - I always insist on splitting the bill, which is pretty typical for same-sex dating. I think sometimes guys think that means I don't like them.
"While dating a woman..."
Bi woman. The biggest one was trust/biphobia and the way the two interrelate.
While dating a woman, having close male friends has always been off the table. It seems to really threaten/make uncomfortable my girlfriend and tends to turn into a never-ending "But are you SURE you don't have feelings for him? you're REALLY not attracted to him?" So many lesbians genuinely hate bi women and think they're always going to cheat or leave for a guy.
Conversely, men don't give a damn if I have close female friends while dating them, but are far more likely to fetishize the knowledge that I've had past female partners. Which is obviously really uncomfortable if done in any sort of excess.
Dating isn't easy, people.
When you're someone attracted to both genders, that can come with a host of baggage, namely the weight of everyone else's expectations and prejudices. Try talking to your bi friends sometime––you might glean some brilliant insights that you otherwise might not hear.
Have some of your own stories to share? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below.f
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As much as academic scholars are held in high esteem for their higher education, so should those who have learned and applied valuable knowledge simply just by living.
Those with street cred have just as much of an advantage at succeeding in life, thanks to specific experiences that can't be taught in a classroom.
Curious to hear examples of what those might entail, Redditor WiSe_genX asked:
"What can you learn in 1 minute that will be useful for the rest of your life?"
Class is now in session.
A diploma isn't a requirement for being able to apply these life-saving facts.
"Maybe not useful 'the rest' but very much so when it is"
Worth A Try
"CPR: Lay person flat on their back on a hard surface, place your hands one on top of the other with arms straight, compress chest down to hell to the beat of 'Stayin Alive,' don't be afraid to crack ribs."
"Edit: Oh, and remember that if someone needs CPR, they're dead. You are working on a corpse. If they don't survive, it's because most people can't wake the dead with their bare hands. Talk to someone if you have to, but don't beat yourself up over it."
Take The Side Exit
"If you're caught in a riptide, swim parallel to the shore to escape it."
It's Easy To Lose Sight Over This
"Always wear some type of eye protection when dealing with anything that can cause eye damage. From connecting battery jumper cables to yardwork and everything in between."
"Protect your eyes. You only have two of them."
"Always unplug/remove the battery from your power tools before performing any kind of maintenance."
The kitchen can be a danger zone unless you're armed with these very simple bits of wisdom.
"A wet oven mitt is worse than useless."
Get A Grip
"A falling knife has no handle. Can be very useful in preventing kitchen emergencies."
"Learn how to operate a fire extinguisher. Many people don't bother but so many lives are saved and so many fires are stopped by them. It takes a minute and can save your life, as mine was saved when my mother put out a house fire with one. Also always keep some in your house and make sure you know where they're located."
Let It Fall
"Also hot things. I pull out some weighty dishes out of our 550°C furnace at work and every time before I pull them out I repeat over and over in my head 'Don't catch it if it falls. Don't catch it if it falls.' I also usually put my free hand in my back pocket or behind my back."
It doesn't take long to listen and apply these helpful instructions.
First, We Assess
"Pause and think before you respond."
Don't Be Impulsive
"Don’t put it down, put it away."
Make It Easier To Get Assistance
"How to properly as ask for tech support - 'Hi, this is [name]. I have a problem with [software/hardware name (to the best of your knowledge)]. I'm trying to [thing you're trying to do] and the result is [result] instead of [expected]. It started at [rough time frame] after [something significant you've done beforehand].'"
"How to do it badly: 'My keyboard doesn't work.'"
"How to do it better: 'Hi, I'm Noy. I have a problem with my laptop's keyboard. The L key no longer functions. It started yesterday after I spilled coffee on it.'"
"Your IT department thanks you."
There is much value in the lessons shared here that can change your life or those of others.
Now that plenty of helpful information was shared here, the next time you're about to be swallowed by a riptide, swipe left!
We all pride ourselves in knowing random bits of trivia.
While "useless knowledge" is the common parlance for these little fun facts we, often randomly, know, that seems an unfair label.
After all, who knows when a subject comes up in conversation, and you might be the only one who can answer a group question.
All thanks to the fact that you know a random piece of knowledge almost no one else on Earth seems to know.
Redditor Just_Free_Tea7 was curious to learn some of these obscure pieces of trivia, leading them to ask:
"What is a fact that you think barely anyone else knows?"
Don't be fooled by their cuteness
"The nuke stockpile in Washington State is guarded by trained dolphins that seek out and clamp a balloon on unfamiliar divers."- Gothsalts
A possible STD symptom no one mentions.
"Boanthropy is a psychological disorder in which a person believes they are a cow and try to live their life as one."
"Medical explanations suggest late-stage syphilis as one of the causes?"
You mean, that wasn't flipper's real voice?
"The sound used for a dolphin in nearly every single tv and movie is actually the same Kookaburra bird recording."- HFXmerEpisode 1 Hello GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy
You always wonder what goes through their minds...
"Animals and other creatures each perceive time in different ways based on their Critical flicker frequency which is almost like their minds refresh rate."
"Dogs, for example, perceive time as being slower than humans do, and it's perceived as a little faster by cats."- TwilightArcade
Well that's disturbing...
"No one has found a centipede with exactly 100 legs, because all centipedes discovered have an odd number of pairs of legs."
"They have found centipedes with 98,49 pairs, and 102, 51 pairs, but never exactly 100."- ZagreusD
If you take a closer look...
"Raindrops don’t fall in the drip shape popularly conveyed. "
"They fall in the shape of tiny parachutes or hamburger buns."- CBGvilleStop Motion Water GIF by TarverGiphy
Two iconic roles
"The girl who voiced Lilo in 'Lilo and Stitch' also played Samara in 'The Ring', both released in the same year, 2002."- ThrowRARAw
Um... how is this not better known...
"Before toilet paper was invented, the people of the USA used corn cobs."- Impossible_Cicada_75
"..I don't want to live on the moon..."
"Not sure how many people know this, but the moon has a sort of atmosphere."
"However, it is so thin that it's considered to be an exosphere."- JustAnotherAviatrixblack and white moon GIFGiphy
They'r contributions did not go unnoticed
"More pigeons have war medals than horses, dogs or mules."- Global-Program-437
It's easy to laugh off most of this information, as our lives might not be changed one way or the other for knowing it.
But we should always be open to learning something new.
And hey, if we ever find ourselves stuck with scratchy toilet paper, we can at least be grateful it isn't a corn cob.
The world is an ever changing place.
In addition to continuing advancements in technology, human behavior also continues to evolve.
As a result, what might have seemed "normal" 50 years ago might seem far-fetched today, while things which we today consider "normal" might never have even crossed the mind of anyone back then.
Making everything we consider "normal" among the many things in this world that continues to evolve at a rapid pace.
Redditor Primary_Berry_3560 was curious to hear what "normal" everyday things were anything but normal fifty years ago, leading them to ask:
"What is normal now but wasn’t normal 50 years ago (1972)?"
We could just leave whenever we wanted to!
"Knowing where your kids are 100% of the time."- bradland
We're all wired up today!
"No one had a computer in their house in 1972."- tcharp01
"Car seats for children."
"And most of the time we sat in the back seat with no seat belts available."- Rosemoorstreet
"There were no sensors- seatbelt were just shoved out of the way."
"Carding for cigarettes."
"Machines were everywhere for anyone to use."- factchecker8515buckle up crash test dummies GIF by ADWEEKGiphy
In the old days, we had one chance!
"Watching an entire TV series at a time that's convenient for you."
"VCR's weren't even a thing 50 years ago, so if your favorite show was on Wednesday at 8PM, you were either at home to watch it or you missed out on it forever."- DeathSpiral321
Music on demand!
"Listening to the song you want to where you want to, rather than whatever is playing wherever you are."- jfincher42Giphy
Being beholden to a landline!
"I am amazed to think about how disconnected we were."
"I could wake up on a Saturday morning and start calling friends."
"It was possible that not a single one picked up the phone and that was that."
"I would be on my own unless I waited a few hours and tried again."
"Also, in my area, the adults in the house almost always answered the phone so you had to get through them to your friends."
“'Hello, is Johnny home?'”
"'Hi this is his mother, what do you want?'”
“'I was wooooondering if he could come out to play'.”
“'Well he’s doing homework right now but I’ll tell him you called'.”
"As a kid, our times were divided between when we were 100% under adult control, which was when we were physically in their presence, and when we were free which was all other time."- Mrmidhoratio
"Asking 'Where are you?' when someone answers their phone."- brontosproximoShocked Phone Call GIFGiphy
No wonder they were all so tan...
"Regularly wearing sunscreen."- dixius99
It's amazing to see how much the world has changed in such a relatively short amount of time.
Leaving us to wonder what things will be "normal" 50 years from now, which today the very thought of would make us burst out laughing.
Don't mess with the ocean.
Why is that a hard rule for some?
It's like people can't help themselves.
Though it is vast and beautiful, the ocean takes life every day.
RedditorDankestKush420wanted to hear from the people who have survived the darkness of the sea.
"Deep sea divers, what are your horror stories?"
I almost drowned from a small but wave on the Florida coast. So a deep dive is a lifelong HELL NO for me. But go ahead... tell us some stories.
Poof. Gone.GIF by VPROGiphy
"I was watching a documentary about saturation divers the other day. Absolutely scary stuff. They live in a dome under the sea for several days/weeks so they don't have to decompress every day."
"There was this interview where one diver told a story about a colleague just vanishing. He was right behind him at one moment and then was gone in the next. No signs of an accident on the safety line, no sounds, no light signals, he was just gone."
"I used to work at a dive shop, a regular customer of mine told me on one of his deep cave dives at around 300 feet his main light imploded, and both of his backup flashlights failed. While this happened he also lost his guide line (read: life line back to the surface)."
"He was in a large room, so he dropped a reel with line on it and swam back and forth basically fishing for the guide line. He eventually hooked it and located it, but then had to make a decision which way to follow the line. The correct choice would lead him to safety, while the wrong choice would lead him deeper into the cave system. He made his choice and slowly followed the line out."
"He reached his first spare air tank that he staged and knew he chose the right direction. He had a long wait at each of his staged decompression tanks. It took him, from what I recall, around 7 hours to properly decompress and make it back out of the cave, all while not being able to see a damn thing."
"I went on a group dive trip with someone who was pretty experienced, and he was telling us a bunch of stories about his wreck dive down to an old WWII-era Japanese warship sunken in the Pacific. One somewhat morbid but funny story was when his group went into the ship and saw several pairs of shoes strewn about, lying perfectly side-by-side."
"After they all surfaced later, one girl in the group was like, 'Why did they leave their shoes behind like that?' and everyone else just looked at each other like, 'Oh man... who's gonna tell her?' Anyway, the real horror story is about a father and son duo who had decided to go on this trip as a bonding experience. So the thing to note about WWII shipwrecks is that after over half a century, they're pretty much rusted to oblivion."
"One bad kick will effectively disintegrate a perfectly-preserved captain's log, just from the motion of the water. Well, the duo was exploring the inside of the ship, and suddenly someone hears a loud CLANG! The father and son had wandered into an enclosed room, and the door had slammed shut with both of them inside."
"At that point, the guy telling the story paused, and someone else in the group was like, 'Wait, so what happened to them?' And the guy was like, 'What the hell do you mean, man? They got trapped and f**king died!' And in that moment, I decided f**k that s**t - I am never, ever diving down to go check out the inside an old WWII warship lmao."
"For as long as I been around the internet 1 diver story stuck with me. Not because of paranormal or unexplainable events. This person's story said they were deep diving with their father and literally saw a Lovecraftian size creature envelope his father ahead. After all was said and done at the surface he come to find out later his schizophrenia had come to while he was deep sea diving. I couldn't imagine seeing something your brain was telling you was real. Especially in that setting."
VortexJoe Biden Reaction GIF by GIPHY NewsGiphy
"One time when I was on a diving boat with some friends, one of the guys on there told about a story about how he used to be an underwater welder, and one time he and some other guys witnessed someone getting sucked through a hole the size of a tic tac."
Why do people even go that far down?
Everywheremarine life wildlife GIF by KQEDScienceGiphy
"I’m by no means a deep sea diver, but I am a licensed diver, sea urchins are massive and everywhere, like you really don’t expect their size and how common they are."
"Did a 60M/200ft dive on a wreck in a shipping channel. The dive boat skipper should call up the harbour master and check if there are any ships scheduled, and if there are not good to dive. Anyway did the dive. 25 mins bottom time so a fair amount of deco."
"During the 12M deco stop we could hear the rumble of a very very very large engine. Hmmm. Kept getting louder. And louder. And louder. During the 9M stop it got REALLY loud we looked at each other, gave two thumbs down and bolted back down to 18M and just hung there figuratively shi**ing our drysuits until it got quieter after a few minutes."
"We then resumed our deco. A small pod of dolphins came in to have a gander at us which was cool. A big f**k off panamax sort-a-size ship had come within 100M of our deco buoy. Never dived off that boat again."
Not sure if anyone has mentioned it, but the [Byford Dolphin Diving Bell Accident] (https://www.reddit.com/r/CatastrophicFailure/comments/4x1a2c/comment/d6blno6/) is pretty gruesome and scary. Basically, when deep see divers were returning to the surface, they were in a decompression chamber at a very high pressure."
"And there was a catastrophic failure of the decompression room that meant the air depressurized several atmospheres almost instantaneously and killed a couple divers by literally exploding them from the pressure release. Not sure what could be more of a gruesome tale than that."
"Not my story but still wanted to share: it's the story of a diver who was hired to remove and bring back bodies from a bridge that collapsed into semi deep water with numerous cars on it. Some people made it out of their cars and some didn't. But the worst thing that he saw was the bodies of children still stuck in the cars while the parents saved their own lives. The thought of going into murky water to essentially fish up corpses that are like a day old chills me every time I think about it."
Nope!Not Gonna Happen No Way GIF by FaZe ClanGiphy
"I went diving to a wreck around 200ft down, and I heard this terrifying roar and saw some creature almost twice the size of a blue whale. Noped right outta there as soon as I saw that, I'm not going there again, I'll stay in my lifepod."
Well that is all I need to hear. I'll stay on dry land, thank you.