Bisexual People Reveal The Times They Were Bullied For Not Being "Gay Enough"

Don't take on other people's past... 

My husband and I are both bi. I'm "out" but he's not. His father figure, a gay man, told him that he would never date a bi man, because he's nursed too many bi men back from failed straight relationships, only to have them "switch" and leave him for women. When my husband replied that he was bi, that was a very awkward moment. laraken

Look at Me! 

I've been told both by lesbians (for some reason I was never told this by a gay guy) and straight people that bisexuals only claim to be bisexuals because they either want attention, they don't want to come out as lesbian/gay, or they go for people of their same gender because nobody of the opposite gender finds them attractive.

I was never *bullied* because of it, but some people are definitely passive aggressive about it and I've occasionally caught them talking shit about bisexual people behind their backs. ratinha91

It's my Pride too! 

I (bi woman married to a man) had my gay coworkers boyfriend thank me for "supporting pride." It was in a fairly condescending tone. I was pretty offended, and kept saying "you marry one man, and suddenly you're straight!" I'm pretty open about being bi. The last two partners before dating my now husband were a woman and a trans man. I just happened to stop dating anyone, man/woman/genderfluid that wasn't my single monogamous life partner. emu30

Be Healthy! 

I have nothing against dating bi women, and honestly with my type 90% of the women I date are bi. But I have been cheated on twice by long term partners with men - and for both it was a huge deal for them that they weren't able to be out to their parents, and instead opted for the easy route with men because there was less pressure. I think that's part of where the insecurity comes from. In many other circumstances women presented themselves as being serious, but then copped out as it being a fling to try. If society was less homophobic and compulsory heterosexuality wasn't so prevalent, it would be easier to date bi people.

In the cases I've experienced, the individual was insecure, selfish, and not in a healthy head space to be dating or dealing with their sexuality - but why try to work through your problems when there was a convenient, more socially acceptable fallback? I know this is because of the individuals though, and not that they are bi. It's just tough to figure out if they're that type of person without emotionally investing in them and getting to know them.

It's not going to stop me from dating bi women, but I'm certainly more selective now and am only dating women who are out and not new to dating women. Unfortunately, that does mean that I'm turning down women who may very well be serious but can't seem to get experience dating women because all the gays have developed the same selectivity. It's tough, I get it, but it's a choice that I have to make that is healthier for me. BoundingBorder

My pain is real...

A few different gay people -- specifically, a few "gold star" lesbians -- insisted on calling me straight. The time it pissed me off most was right after I'd gotten out of a multi-year relationship with a woman (and I'm a woman). My heart was broken. I went to pride with a gold star lesbian pal and a few genuinely straight people.

The lesbian pal turned to me in front of the group and said, "Thanks for coming here to support me. You're a good straight ally."

I'd literally been crying on her shoulder about my ex-girlfriend the week before. Anyway, I was so shocked she would call me straight that I couldn't come up with anything to say. We didn't really stay friends. InvincibleSummer1066

It's Human Nature... 

It's actually funny because the argument against gay people is that they aren't part of the group, they're different; then, you have that group that was discriminated against turning it around and discriminating against others, all while shouting at the first group "don't discriminate against me!" It's hilarious to see how warped minds can get, when we all forget about human nature. serrol_

Why do I have to pick?

Bisexual man. I've been railed on by both lesbians and gay men for not picking, not taking a side, not being honest about my sexuality (I said I was Bi, they didn't believe it was possible) etc. How is the idea that I can find and enjoy both sexes a falsehood? Also, how is that persecution any different from what you hate straight people doing to you? Ashe_Faelsdon

Bi-Flag! 

Many people don't even know that I swing that way, because I usually don't talk about it unless I'm asked. I don't consider it that important to my identity that I'd feel need to hang out in the LGBT crowd or fly the bi-flag or whatever. Still, as an outside observer I've witnessed a lot of gatekeeping like this, and I feel that it will hurt their goals down the road. boringprude

I'm Coming Out.... Maybe! 

I'm a bi female and honestly it's not a huge deal to me. I haven't had to "come out" because it's not something I talk about unless asked. I've only dated men and I know I'm going to marry my current boyfriend so it's just not something that ever really comes up. But as an art student at a liberal college I'm just waiting for that moment for some a--hole who says "you can't speak on this cause you're straight" and be like HAH you assuming SOB haha. LittleBumbleBean

You MUST Choose! 

Yes. I am bisexual and besides lesbians on the after Ellen forum, where I first attempted to understand my orientation and the greater lifestyle bullying us for being untrustworthy, I have recently been fully aware of gay individuals posting things like that the B should be removed and is not representative if the rest of the community because we may "choose." puffpuffpastries

"The Look"

The amount of bi discrimination in the LGBTQ community is wild. phantom_panties

People have weird expectations when it comes to this stuff. I know a guy who is literally married to another guy, and you'd think that qualifies as 'gay enough' to be considered gay; but apparently his husband's friends give him crap for 'looking straight.' ratinha91

Don't Judge...

100% gay man here. First and deepest love was Bi and I just never got over the feeling he'd one day go back to women or have a fling with a lady. It was part of what ended our relationship and it still hurts so many years later. I resented him for it then and regret it now. I teased him and prodded for him to admit he was cheating on me with a woman. You cannot change a leopards spots and I tried but failed miserably.

What I'm trying to say is that when you're with someone, be with them in that moment of your lives and love each other. Don't panic over the unknown or try to change someone to suit your future. If they are with you it's because they are into you. OmgLikeForSureDude

Why so Serious?

I'm a bisexual teen (male), and I've actually faced a lot more direct anger from people than expected. I'm like a weird middle ground between flamboyant and very serious and straight (pun not intended), so both straights and gays tend to find me a little off. A lot of gay guys I've met have been especially big d**ks to me because they assume I'm gay just for attention. I've only dated women before, so that also helps give them a reason to hate on me. PixlYoshi

Simmer Down Now! 

Bi woman here. The weirdness I've experienced is from straight chicks not really LGBT. Like I'll mention it because I'm not ashamed & they get all weird like I'm going to hit on them or be creepy. Chick - you aren't my type, I'm very married to a man & a Mother. Chill. Nightmare_Moons

A Proud "B!" 

Oh man, yes, from both men and women. For the gay guys, it's usually that I'm just out there for the privilege, like I'm secretly gay but dating women for like, status or something. From straight women, there's a huge fear of infidelity. Like, if I'm going to cheat, it's because I'm a cheating scumbag, not because I'm bi. Then, there's the times when I'm dating a girl and I've been told or made to feel like I don't belong in LGBTQ+ spaces. Like, the "B" stands for bisexual, I'm totes part of this damn community. el_pobbster

Making the Turn....

Lesbian girls never really want(ed) to date me, because I'd leave them for a guy anyway. My sexuality has been questioned by gay and straight people alike. Not my story but that of my BF. He was in a relationship with a guy for a while. This guy kept asking him when he'd turn fully gay. No. Marshmallow_konijn

Not Alone....

I don't know if this counts, but I'm asexual, and people give us soooo much crap about it. They assume I'm molested, I'm just abstinent, that I am secretly gay, or that I just "need to get d**k" or whatever. Some people get very rude about it. PlasticGirl

I'm not Broken! 

Bi girl here. Had relationships/one night stands/fwb with men and women. Married to a man. I've had people say I pretend to like women for attention, that I just needed the right guy and d**k to get over the phase. I had a guy follow me home from a gay club who said he was gonna show me what a real man was to "fix me." Had people assume that the only type of sex I want is threesomes. The list goes on.... ChronicallyLou

Here for the Fun! 

I'm a bisexual woman who has dated men and women. Currently in a long-term relationship with a man. I have several very close lesbian friends and none have ever tried to make me feel bad/lesser/whatever. I was also the president of my college's LGBT group and no one ever seemed upset about it.

I don't want to deny anyone's experiences, but I also don't want younger bisexual people to think they're automatically hated by other members of the LGBT community. It's fun being bisexual! And it's fun to have bisexual friends! It's fun to have gay and lesbian friends too. summerbowl

I am who I am!  

In high school, one of my best friends came out to me as a lesbian. She was only out to me and one other friend for about a year. We spent countless hours talking about her process of realizing that she was not straight, the girl she had a crush on, what she found attractive in women, etc. Her family did not know for quite a long time, and I was one of her main support structures until she left for college.

Anyway, we both went to separate colleges and did not talk for a while. During my first year at college, I developed a raging crush on a girl from my school. Blushing when she walked into the room, getting flustered when she would talk to me, the whole nine yards. Previously, I had only dated men, so this was really when I came to realize that I identified as bisexual.

A few months later, I had a phone call with my friend, just to catch up since we had not talked for a while. At some point in the conversation, I told my friend about my crush and how it had been so out of the blue for me but how I had begun to identify as bisexual since then and notice that I was attracted to other women. My friend fell silent as I was speaking, and once I had finished, asserted multiple times that there was no way that I could be bisexual because I had only dated men and was currently dating a man.

She and I have not talked since that interaction years ago, and I am now surrounded by much more supportive friends. It still hurts, though, that she could not accept me after I'd spent so much time working through her sexuality with her. telepathiccrowqueen