Heavy topic ahead.
Life moves on and on and we are forced to deal with all of our choices, no matter how big or small. Inevitably, we are not going to have agreed with everything we chose to do.
Hopefully, we can live without regret. But not always.
u/SunflowerSeedOfEvil asked:
What's your biggest regret?
Here were some of the answers.
Working For Me
GiphyBeing so preoccupied with what I was supposed to do that I never did what I wanted to do.
Since the chance has been afforded to me, I'm getting on a soapbox in order to help others not do what I've done.
For people coming to this thread in the coming days/weeks, please don't take this comment as instruction to say "f*ck it all" and binge netflix, or spend your last $100 for the month on stupid sh!t.
You don't actually want to waste time like that. I actually did things like that, and it was important for me at the time - I needed to 'turn off' and melt my brain a while.
But in my case what I actually wanted was to do something with myself. Take Chances, Make Mistakes. From my experience, I can tell that the chances I would have taken would have been well-thought-out, and either failing them or succeeding I would have gained something useful - important experience at the least, and very possibly incredible wealth or exciting careers at the best.
I would have followed through on my chainmail business. I would have joined the local renfest group. I would have gone all-in for roadtrips with friends. I would have an amazing body through martial arts training. I would have failed harder in romance. I would have told people important to me how important they are. I would have showed the f*ck up and done something to get people out of a situation that was very bad.
Instead, in many ways, what I'm referring to as "what I was supposed to do" is the times I took a safe road. I have a BA in psych because...well because "it suited me". 8 years later I'm starting a (surprisingly satisfying) career in IT....I should have just started with IT and I would be making nearly double at this point.
THIS ARTICLE: https://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/ , back from the time that cracked.com was worth reading, was part of the turning point for me.
I needed to get my sh*t together. That article helped me get my sh*t together enough to begin focusing on the things that I want to do.
History
I regret not asking my parents more questions about their past before they died.
I have a similar regret of not asking my great grandma about my families history and how it was like living through WWII in Poland before she passed away.
What If...?
Not saying yes to a girl who asked me to a high school Sadie Hawkins dance, where the girl asks the guy. This was almost ten years ago, and I still think about it
We all have regrets like that. I remember being in high school and this girl I really liked asked me over one day.
I was stoned and declined. She started dating another one of my friends a few weeks later, but we always had a flirty relationship.
I'm married now to the absolute love of my life now, but still wonder what might have happened.
Death And Taxes
One that haunts me is I didn't answer the last call my dad made to me. He had been dying of cancer and was on a significant amount of pain meds. I was having a sh*tty morning and after months of stress, and helping care for him traveling between states, just wasn't in the mood for another jibberish conversation. He left me a rambling nonsensical voicemail. He lost consciousness soon after and died in hospice.
I doubt he was hurt or would even remember it if he was alive today. Still kind of sucks.
My biggest regret is not documenting more of what my dad told me. We had months of time to sit knowing he was going to die, often on his porch when I was in town, and chat about life and stuff. But I didn't write anything down and I have a pretty bad memory for details. I enjoyed the time and the conversations but don't remember much about them.
My second biggest regret is accumulating debt. I make a ridiculous amount of money but the debt is going to have a huge negative impact on my and my family's financial situation for the next 3-5 years and that's assuming no surprises pop up (and they always do).
Toxic Friends
Giving my friendship away to people that didn't earn it.
Dear God, this. So much this. I've had more bad experiences in the past 365 days with people who don't and never did deserve a minute of my time and I was too dumb to realize the friendship wasn't being reciprocated or was being used for nefarious purposes on their end.
Still hurting from some of the events, and I may not completely get over some of it, but hey, I'm still here, I'm learning from my mistakes, and I'm moving on from the toxicity.
Capitalism Is Crushing Us All
Not finishing college. I've been on my own since I was 16 and I stayed in high school regardless. I did 1 semester in college and then left because I couldn't afford it.
Now I'm 48 and stuck in a job that I hate and I have no prospects because work experience doesn't hold value anymore.
I work in admissions at a college and it's the saddest thing to me when I see students who want to drop out. I tell them that I am the poster child for why you should stay in school.
None.
Every time I think of big regrets they would have resulted in significant differences in my life. Since I didn't meet my wife till I was 35, and then only by random chance, all of them would have resulted in missing out on that. So nothing I can think of is worth that
Here Alone
I think it has to be when I told my best friend that I was a homosexual, he was completely fine with it until he told his religious father. Didn't want him being around me and that was pretty much the end of that. Closet thing to a best friend I've ever had.
Your friend's father is an *sshole. If he is 'Christian', he doesn't understand the example of Jesus. He embraced 'sinners', he didn't tell his followers to ostracize them.
Shame your friend didn't stand up for himself and find a way to keep in touch, which I gather didn't happen.
But You Got Out
I spent far too long in an abusive relationship. When I finally got out, I was utterly broken, had zero self respect, had given him all of my savings. Years later, I'm still recovering. I'm so much better off now, but I occasionally still cry out of simple, sheer regret about that time.
Twenty Years Can Still Turn Around
When I was about 30, I got married and then I got fat. For the next 20 years, I complained about being fat and tried all sorts of fad things trying to get healthier and lose weight, but they never worked. I'd start exercise one day and stop the next. Or I'd go for a week not eating carbs, then eat a whole pie out of the blue and that was it.
When I was 49, I had been reading about CICO (Calories In, Calories Out) on the r/loseit subreddit and saw the photos of people who were losing weight just by being accountable and counting their calories. I was like - no way. "All the studies" show that counting calories doesn't work! If I couldn't lose weight by eating only potatoes (which didn't last long), there was no way I'd be adding up my calories every day long term. Even so - I was 49. I had been fat for nearly 20 FREAKING YEARS. 20 years of baggy clothes, being tired, spending all my spare cash on fast food and snacks, not being happy with a single photo of myself.
So, I told myself I'd try it for a week. I gave myself a modest calorie deficit, and was shocked that I documented everything I ate that week, kept to my budget - and actually lost 5 pounds! So I did it the next week, too, and again lost 3 pounds. I then thought, well, I've done it for 2 weeks, let's do a month. And I did.
It's now been 377 days that I've tracked, and I've lost 95 pounds in that time. IT WASN'T HARD. I ate what I wanted - I just got used to eating much smaller bits. I really haven't exercised much (I need to, though, as parts of me are now a tad saggy). It still shocks me that I've been able to lose nearly 100 pounds - and I'm still going.
I feel GREAT except I have SO MUCH regret for the stupidity and laziness I did that caused me to waste so much of what could have been 20 awesome years. It's not that I think being regular-sized would have made me a big success at anything, or that my life would have been problem free. But, I know I would have been much more active, my moods have certainly evened out since I've stopped eating so much sugar and fat, I could have been wearing cute clothes all along - and my 30s and 40s could have been my Fun Adult years. Now I'm 50, and while I can still be sporty and active and feel better about myself and be more even-keeled, I'm like - I COULD HAVE BEEN DOING THIS ALL ALONG! All those nights I watched TV and ate dozens of cookies - those are not the memories I'll cherish when I'm legitimately old. And I regret the loss of years of those good memories.
All ya'll in your 20s-30s-40s - IT'S NOT TOO LATE! It's like what happens with Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz - she had the ability to do what she needed to do all along! You just have to be willing to do the work, and not try to 'game your system.' You're going to be 50 or 60 or 70 eventually anyways - don't you want to be your BEST version of yourself when you get there? I used to hate when people said this, but now I know it to be true: If I can do it, you can, too.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.