Sleeping naked on sumptuous high thread-count sheets is one of those things that's billed as an ultimate moment of sensual bliss - but for some people it's the ultimate NOPE.
This article is for you never-nude sleepers - and the people who just don't get you.
Reddit user kellogg888 asked:
"People who don't sleep naked, why?"
We'll start with the obvious and maybe most relatable reason for people living with family - NOBDOY KNOWS HOW TO KNOCK!
Family Frustrations
knock the big bang theory GIFGiphy"Because family members don't know how to f*cking knock that's why."
- mishi-as-in-m
"Honestly mine don't either. I just let them learn their lesson."
"Don't knock? You see something that'll scare you for life. Your fault not mine. I have no shame."
- IF**kedYourDadd
"Family is it."
"I used to sleep naked and free and then got on the dating scene again. Dated a woman with kids and - you never know who's gonna have a bad dream and come cuddle - or what midnight emergency may come along."
"Now, even though I am no longer with a woman with kids - I stay prepared for midnight emergencies. Now that I can afford comfy PJ's it's really kind of nice."
"Also I'm not flat-bellied and twenty anymore."
- SomeFckingWizard
A Sweaty Situation
"If I have skin touching skin, it sweats a lot."
"I don't like to spread my arms and legs. I like to curl up in a ball on my side."
"My arms touch my sides. My stomach touches my upper thighs. My thighs touch each other. I don't want all of that to become a big hot sweaty mess."
- svenson_26
"This right here, I've tried sleeping naked before and every time it's been super uncomfortable cuz of this."
- Piemaster113
"Can confirm. There’s definitely a strong correlation between how naked I sleep and how sweaty I get."
- Stussydude
Woman.
"Woman. Blood."
- Halalamay
"General discharge too"
- PetiteEbonyDoll
"Yeah stuff comes out of me sometimes and I can’t have it roaming free in my bed"
- VermicelliHospital
"Trans man. Also blood lol"
- joyfulsoulcollector
"Also woman, my #1 reason is a likely irrational but nevertheless EXTREMELY strong fear of spiders crawling in somewhere they don't belong."
- jcpianiste
It's Cold
"I am always cold!"
"Some nights I even layer 2 pairs of socks. Meanwhile my Fiancé is sleeping in the same room just his undies."
- interruptingcow_moo
"No kidding."
"My wife had a hysterectomy which forced her into menopause, so her temperature regulation is f'ed up to say the least. Hot flashes are a way of life."
"I had to put a window AC unit in put bedroom so she wouldn't die."
"Me? I have all the covers, a fleece blanket, flannel lounge pants and a shirt during the summer so I can sleep. If I don't have all that I will freeze to death."
- rock_vbrg
"My fiancee sleeps naked, I don't mind. But I also don't understand it..."
"Like HOW are you not freezing??"
"I have very comfy, very warm sleepwear. Heck, sometimes if it's really cold, I'll wear a whole sweater to bed. Or steal her blanket."
"So I have lazy-sleep clothes, a sweater AND two blankets to sleep with and she's there just naked and comfy."
- Hjemi
Emergency Exits
"What if a there’s an earthquake in the middle of night and I have to run?"
- IcmCoffee
"My uncle used to sleep naked. Until his trailer caught fire in the middle of the night and he had to run butt naked to some old woman's house and convince her to open the door or call 911."
"Didn't help that he's a gun guy, so all his ammo was firing in the background."
"I was a kid when this happened. The whole idea just makes me nervous."
- avamarie
"One night my wife and I were having sexy time that ended with us going to sleep naked. The next morning we were woken up early by a 5.7 magnitude earthquake."
"There we are, both naked, trying to get to our two kids, not get hurt by things falling down/broken glass."
"My wife vowed to never sleep naked again as she now has a fear of earthquakes and I now have a hate of earthquakes since they took naked cuddles away from me."
- Arosland3
"We had a house fire a few weeks ago. I was so thankful that I was wearing leggings that night and my husband was wearing sweatpants."
"That gave us at least a days worth of clothes before we could hit Target for another outfit."
- MyNameIsntFlower
Paintbrushing
True Story Art GIFGiphy"Because the tip of my penis touching the bedding drives me insane."
- dingbatyokel5000
"Agreed. I told my girlfriend it feels like my penis is 'paint brushing' the bed."
- minidude140
"Or when I shift positions and my meat and veg all rearrange into a new lineup on my other leg. The feeling is just distracting. I'd rather have them in a nice soft support hammock."
- AbsolutelyUnlikely
"This."
"It's like when you wear those horrible PE shirts back in school and had to run around a lot. The nipple burn... but on my penis."
"No thanks."
- cloudxnine
Vulnerability
"It makes me feel too vulnerable. Even though I’m totally safe, I just feel too exposed."
- LunaValley
"Ah so much scrolling to find this."
"My mind gets restless with made up scenarios until I’m like 'ok, I’ll put some soft pajamas on' and then I fall asleep instantly."
- zarillo2
"It’s the same for me."
"I wish I could feel comfortable enough to do it, but I just don’t feel right trying to sleep naked. The few times I tried, I always woke up in the middle of the night shivering and feeling anxious."
- swarlossupernaturale
"Yes! Thank you for understanding! I don't feel safe if I'm exposed and as a result can't sleep. I know I'm in my own house and totally safe, it's just this weird vulnerability thing."
- sharkittens
A Renaissance Fest Battle Axe
"I slept naked for a long time and I was always waking up hot or cold. Pajamas fixed the issue."
"There was also that time a drunk neighbor broke in and took the blankets off me and tried to kiss me."
"We were friends with the neighbor and would hang out on the back patio smoking. We’d walk to the wing place and eat. He would always go to his place to use the bathroom."
"One night he used ours and took the opportunity to unlock the front door that nobody used. He asked to borrow my roommates phone and she agreed and just told him to leave it on the porch when he was done."
"At about 5am I woke up with no covers on and he was whispering in my ear to kiss him just once."
"I grabbed the renaissance fest battle axe by my bed and swung and he ran. I went out of my room and my roommate heard the noise and she came out to find me naked with an axe."
"Then she found her phone in her room - he had been in there."
"We didn’t see him for a week and when he showed up he was arrested for something drug related. He left his dog on our porch. Eventually we found his mom and gave her the dog."
"I don't sleep naked."
- Antigravity1231
Pets
"I don't want my dog to be nosing around."
- kingswing77
"Used to sleep naked until my cat chomped on a ball."
"Very rude awakening. No damage but now boxer briefs keep the dangly bits from dangling in my sleep."
- Wezbob
"I too sleep with a dog in the bed. He licks my fingers to wake me up."
"Too many variables. You get the point."
- pacawac
"Similar. My puppy likes to sleep under the blanket and also thinks my junk is a chew toy."
"Well, he thinks everything is, but my junk is the most concerning."
- Rohndogg1
Never-nudes of the sleep world, why DON'T you sleep in the buff?
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Curious to hear people's predictions, Redditor Nuggl3s7 asked:
"What will be the reason for human extinction?"
Redditors had their sci-fi theories.
Remember Pixar's WALL-E?
"Im gonna have to go with the WALL-E theory that we will turn our planet into a giant waste basket."
– SheriNormand
We Are Not Alone
"Something from space probably, there is some scary stuff in the void."
- Mylastbreathgoing
An AI Revolution
"We merge with AI end become a different species, thus ending homo sapiens."
– Soggy-Impact-5852
It might take one huge impact.
We Would Never See This Coming
"Either a massive space object colliding with Earth, or Mother Nature finally gets tired of our sh*t and concocts a virus 10 times more contagious than COVID and several times more fatal than Ebola."
– POL4Life
A Big Bang Theory
"A Coca-Cola truck hits a Mentos truck."
– No_Finger9730
Ouch
"Every human simultaneously stubs their toe at the same time. R.I.P."
– LeakingLantern
Some speculate the big disaster will be one of our own making.
Self-Destruction
"Generous of you to assume it will be error. Right now there's a large percentage of the decision makers in the world operating by 'This will have catastrophic effects if everyone does it, but it will be profitable if I do it. So everyone else needs to stop, but I'm not going to, and also I'll be dead by the time the really bad consequences happen so f'k all y'all I guess.'"
– ProjectGO
Corruption
"For realz tho…no big catastrophe….just a slow drip of f'k you gimme your money while I ruin the world and whattya gonna do about it brah? Nothing, that’s what. If you can’t stop me I’m gonna do it indefinitely. Big fish eat the little fish. Then eventually no little fish left and big fish go bye bye 👋"
– BeneficialBig153
There's A Sad Pattern
"Considering how poorly humanity as a whole dealt with this time's pandemic, and how much we overestimated their intelligence, yeah. 5 centuries is a generous amount of time, I give it 3 centuries."
– ToastWithNaomi
Mea Culpa
"This, I think it will be our fault and only our fault."
– RandellX
Growing Lack Of Intelligence
"Gross stupidity. In less than 500 years max."
– Centretek
Many Redditors speculated our own shortcomings would inevitably be the end of us instead of a meteor shower or a hostile takeover of extra-terrestrials.
Interesting.
It says a lot about our lack of humanity, doncha think?
Redditor AdministrativeFox784 was curious to hear the things which were necessary for people to have a peaceful night's sleep, leading them to ask:
"What is something you absolutely cannot fall asleep without?"
Sleepless Nights...
"Apparently hours of sleep deprivation."- RaphaelSolo
Tired Stewie Griffin GIF by Family GuyGiphyGive Your Knees The Support They Need
A pillow between my legs."- frann_ie
A Cool Dark Room
"A fan running and complete darkness."- Dangerous_Effort3355
"My fan on, I'll wake up immediately if it turns off."- keznaa
Star Night GIF by TRTSilence!
"Ear plugs."
"I started wearing them when my wife started snoring like a buzz saw."
"Now I can't sleep without em."
"It's almost become a Pavlovian thing where putting them in almost instantly helps me fall asleep."- fartswhenhappy
When Your Mind Is Racing, It Has To Wear Itself Out Eventually...
"An underlying sense of dread and impending existential crisis."- Bigby11
pillow GIFKeeping You Physically And Emotionally Warm...
"A blanket to hug."
"I curl it up and then hug it."
"I love it Soooooo much!"
"I think this is because I grew out of stuffed animals pretty quick, I was allergic to them, they made cough, and I needed something to replace those fuzzy creatures."- plop8624
Stirring The Imagination To Awaken The Dreams
"Either reading a book or watching a relaxing youtube video."- fh3131
It would be nice if we all had on/off buttons which allow us to sleep undisturbed.
But until we do, our own, personal rituals will have to do.
