You ever read a story that made you look at your screen kind of through the outer corner of your eye? Like you're so taken aback by the dumpster fire you're reading that you almost don't want to look at it directly? But you can't look away either?
This is about to be that story.
The story revolves around four main players, so let's start there.
"Jenny" - The girlfriend
"Jessi" - The girlfriend's twin sister
"Johnny" - The boyfriend
"Mom" - The boyfriend's mom
Got that? Ok, here we go. Jenny and Johnny have been together for a year and things are going great. Jenny hangs out with Johnny's family, including mom, and has talked about her sister, Jessi, from time to time - always referring to her as "my sister". That's important. Pin that. It'll matter in a second.
One night, mom goes out to the movies with her friends and on the way out she runs into Jessi and her boyfriend. Mom flips out thinking that it's Jenny and goes on to scream at, accuse, slap, and attempt to drag Jessi out of the theater! Yep that's verbal and physical assault for those of you keeping score at home. In the process of trying to defend herself and being assaulted, Jessi called the woman a "crazy b!tch" - cause if it walks like a duck and slaps like a duck, ya know?
Mom them calls Johnny to rat out his "cheating" girlfriend only to find Jenny was WITH JOHNNY and obviously couldn't be the girl she had just assaulted in the theater. Mom tried to blame Jenny for never specifying that her sister was her TWIN sister, and not only refused to apologize to Jessi, but is now demanding that Jessi apologize to her for calling her a crazy b!tch.
"Jenny" turned to Reddit for help. Here is her full post:
I have an identical twin sister Jessi and we look very much alike. There are small differences but only those who know both of us can recognize them.
BF and I have been together for a year. Things are good between us.
Last night this happened: my boyfriend's mom went out with her friends to watch a movie and Jessi was there as well with her boyfriend. After the movie one of her friends saw Jessi with her boyfriend. She asked her if that girl is her son's boyfriend (I met this friend at a party a few weeks ago). So she looked at Jessi and thought yes, she is.
She went to her and asked what the f*** is going on. Jessi was confused since she hadn't met her before, and she kept asking her what the f*** is this. At that point she was holding Jessi's arm and she told her to let her go and called her a crazy bitch. Eventually she told Jessi that she's cheating on her son and called her by my name, and Jessi told her that that's her twin sister. She slapped her across the face and told her to stop lying. Her friends then collected her and took her away.
She then called my boyfriend and told him that she's found her girlfriend with another man. I was with my boyfriend at that time. He quickly got it that she must have seen Jessi so he told her and she hung up. She then left. I talked to Jessi, she didn't even apologize to her. After she found out what she's done, she just left.
So my boyfriend talked to her again and an apology is not coming.
She feels like she did nothing wrong and she was justified in whatever she did since I hadn't told her that I had a twin sister, so she's justified in harassing her like that and slapping her across the face. She said that she expects an apology for being called a crazy bitch.
I'm really pissed at her for what she did and the least she can do is apologize to Jessi. We were planning to visit my boyfriend's parents this weekend but now I'm not sure that I want to go. I can't just sit there and tell her how cute it was that she mistook me with my twin. I sure as hell don't think Jessi should go and apologize to her.
Should I let this go? Am I overreacting to consider this a deal breaker?
People did not hold back with their responses, and it was glorious. Here are some of my favorites, edited for content or clarity when needed.
Petty And Immature
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I fully understand her assumption (who thinks 'maybe she has a twin sister?'), but the slapping was completely out of order, and her refusal to apologise shows a really petty, immature streak in her.
If I lost it and attacked someone, and then I learned it was the wrong person, I would be apologising before they'd even finished saying 'it was my twin'. I'd feel appalled at myself. The fact that she's refusing to says a lot.
I would say that your boyfriend needs to have strong words with her, and if she still refuses to apologize then you cut off contact.
Trashy
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I don't even think she has the right to verbally confront her. It's not her relationship and her son is an adult. She should definitely warn the son about what she saw so that he can decide what to do. She could even snap a covert picture of the girl and her date for proof, but she shouldn't involve herself in the dispute.
If she had been drinking her reaction might be a little more understandable (though still wrong), but she just sounds trashy within that violent reaction. I almost wonder if she didn't secretly already hate the girlfriend and jumped like a rabid animal at the chance to act out towards her.
Certainly trashy for not apologizing.
Don't Just Let This Go
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Something similar happened to me and my twin, except she was in a different country on vacation when she ran into my (now) ex boyfriends mom. His mom was shocked and upset at first, but she didn't HIT my sister! That's just straight up crazy and unnecessary, If she had done that I would have cut her out of my life. If I was you I would really consider having someone in my life who's first thought is to resort to violence against you when they perceive you to be doing something wrong, and also someone who can't apologize when they are clearly in the wrong. It's nuts that she expects an apology, if I was your sister I'd be pressing charges JUST because she has the nerve to expect an apology after slapping me.
I don't think you should just let this go- it just reinforces that her behavior has no consequences, which I suspect is what usually happens if her first thought was to slap your sister, then expect an apology.
Deal Breaker
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It's definitely a deal breaker in regard to meeting his parents, but may not be a deal breaker in regard to your relationship as a whole. Even if his mom does apologize, you'll have to decide whether or not you'll want someone that violent in your life at all. Someone who'll probably be "that woman who hit my sister" in your mind more than "my boyfriend's mom". That said, you aren't dating his mom. Just because she's a violent moron doesn't mean he is also like that.
My point being, I'd say you can go on with the relationship while refusing to see his mom. I doubt he will blame you. And if he does- that is a deal breaker.
All The Red Flags
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RED FLAG Think carefully about whether or not you want to get serious with this guy. Please trust me, you get the whole family when you have a serious relationship. TRUST ME on this. red flag: mom is confrontational. red flag: mom is aggressive in words and actions red flag: refusing to apologize is a control issue.
IF you decide to go to this event and see her (I wouldn't) avoid her. If she mentions it to your bf or you say you are still angry. If she mentions your sister calling her an crazy bitch: "that is unlike her, she must have been reaction to be accosted at the movies" Your sister should definitely not apologize- she did nothing wrong.
If your bf insists you attend and you don't want to, or glosses over this issue. That is, you guessed it: another red flag.
Not Going To Change
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Wow. That is an awful story.
The mother isn't going to change. Maybe she's so unbelievably embarrassed by her behaviour that she can't even acknowledge it to herself yet (the preposterous defense that you & Jessi should apologise to her! that is rich!). Maybe she'll come around to it, but I wouldn't hold my breath. You're not obliged to give her the space to do that either. Her actions were wildly outrageous; her 'defense' is ridiculous and offensive; she's only going to dig in.
And then among the 3 of you, there will always be this outlandish damage done by her, for which she takes no responsibility, and which she's gotten away with--in a way reinforcing that she can act with assault, gaslighting and accusation... with no personal consequences. There will be more crazy to come.
I'd stay away from her, no exceptions. If Jessi decides to file charges, I'd expect mom to blow. If Jessi doesn't, I'd expect mom to still be crazy. We're not required to have these people in our lives.... but obviously it will impact your relationship with your BF, likely be a strain as long as you're together. The fact your boyfriend will be 'in the middle' for as long as he tries to appease her is true no matter what you & Jessi do.
Let Jessi decide about filing charges.
Tell the BF there will be no contact or communication on your part. The crazy lady ceases to exist in your life; tell him to talk to someone else if he begins complaining about her (btw did he ever say he thought this was horrific?). See if your relationship can withstand that crack.
Gird your loins for what's to come. She's not done justifying and defending her ludicrous behavior.
A Turning Point
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Absolutely do not visit his parent's house, lol.
This is a turning point for your relationship. His mom massively f-ed up. She needs to apologize to all three of you (starting with your sister). Face to face.
If bf's mom is unwilling to apologise, bf needs to insist that she does. And you need to insist that he insists. If he refuses, that's the end of your relationship. There is no way you can have a relationship with her unless she apologises, and there is no way you can have a relationship with bf without having contact with his mom.
Bf's mom is lucky she's not being charged with assault. That's what I would have done.
- Vinay92
End The Relationship
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In all honesty, I would be tempted to just end the relationship. I wouldn't ever want anything to do with that woman again and it wouldn't be fair for him to be stuck in the middle.
So yes, I think you're 110% justified to cut contact, just be prepared for how it will affect your relationship.
In Her Mind...
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In her mind, she wasn't slapping your sister. She was slapping you. Do you want to be in her vicinity for the rest of her life? GTFO.
Allowed To Abuse You
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If she can treat your twin sister like that, she can treat you like that. She believes she has the power and authority to treat you like that, lay her hands on you, and physically and verbally abuse you. sure, it didn't happen to you, it was your sister, but in her mind it WAS you.
You are not over reacting. Not in the least bit. Her response wasn't appropriate regardless of who she did it too. If she believes she's justified in her behavior, it means she believes she is allowed to abuse you.
Sister's Perspective
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Okay, so here's what your sister experienced: she's out on a date with her boyfriend, and then some random stranger grabs her and starts screaming in her face, then slaps her in the face. This stranger, who is assaulting her in public, won't believe she is who she says she is--who she actually is.
This is the stuff nightmares are made of. This is the stuff PTSD is made of.
This woman is f^cking unstable, and has proven to be dangerous. You shouldn't be in a room with her, apology or no apology. She assaulted someone based on an unfounded suspicion, and clearly would have no problem assaulting you if she thought you were doing something wrong.
Christ on a titty-balling cracker, and she thinks your sister should apologize for calling her a crazy bitch? What is her line of thinking there? "Oh come on, I was just physically and publicly assaulting someone I thought was my son's girlfriend; anyone would have done the same, she shouldn't have called me names while I was slapping the shit out of her in public."
Yeah, charges should be pressed. And if not that, then at the very least never talk to this woman again.
Grandmother
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Your BF's mom is crazy. Consider this situation if you have children with him. Think about her as your kids grandmother.
Double Standard
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Dear Boyfriend
Go to the police, get her charged, get your girl's twin sister to do it. Go to the theater where it happened and tell them you were assaulted, show them where, ask them if there is footage, call the police, file a police report. Your mother is an attacker, she is the living embodiment of double standards, if a man did this, how fast do you think he would be in jail?
What Kind Of Upbringing
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Remember, this is the woman who reared your boyfriend. You have to ask yourself what kind of upbringing he had and how that would affect you and any family you may one day start.
- bilabrin
Just Needed An Excuse
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It seems like she's thought about hitting you before, just needed some excuse to actually do it. I'm not a violent person, but if a old lady slapped my girlfriend across the face, I would break a couple of her teeth.
- Hpa511
Just As Crazy As His Mom
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It shouldn't be a deal breaker that your boyfriend's mom slapped your sister, he didn't have any control over that. Don't give her the power to break you two up, it's not about her.
However, it should be a deal breaker if he's not demanding an apology from her. If he actually thinks this isn't a big deal then he's just as crazy as his mom.
Good luck.
Big Red Flag
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Uh. It'd be one thing if this was JUST a case of mistaken identity, and maybe she mouthed off to Jessi. But that's not what happened-- she PHYSICALLY ATTACKED someone. And not only that, but even AFTER the mistake was evident, she feels she was completely justified in doing so and she blamed the whole situation on you. As though she is not a fully-grown woman capable of making the correct decision (which is not laying your hands on someone).
Um. Yes. This is absolutely worth cutting contact over.
How does your boyfriend feel about all this? That's a big concern. Hopefully he sees that she was in the wrong and needs to apologize. If he is encouraging you to drop it, or thinks this is no big deal, that's a big red flag and there should be a serious conversation about that. It's hard enough having someone like that as your significant other's parent, but it's MUCH harder to deal with when your significant other takes their side.
Totally Toxic
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Totally toxic human. Must avoid. Even if it damages the relationship with your BF.
This isn't the first or last time she has gone off the rails. Slapping your sister was inexcusable.
So please just cut her off. For your own sanity, there is now way this turns out well if you allow people like this within your circle. I feel bad for you and your BF.
- 400yards
Just Ignore It
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People keep saying your sister should press charges, but pressing charges over a slap? Seems like more headaches then needed. If your relationship is going good. Just ignore it and go limited contact with the mom.
The Primary Victim
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I really want to encourage you to get your sister to press charges. She is the primary victim here. You are taking this on as your battle (and you are right to do so), but you have one hand tied behind your back because of your relationship with this bitch's son.
Your sister has no relationship with a complete stranger that came out of nowhere and smacked her in the face. She must sue the sh!t out of that awful woman. F^ck apologies.
H/T: Reddit