People Share The Best Ways To Tell Someone To F*** Off Without Having To Actually Say It
Subtext can truly be key when you can't say what's actually beneath the surface. We all know when we say, "I'm fine," we don't actually mean it. So how can we convey that with the phrase, "f*ck off"?
We all want to say it sometimes. Just a big f*ck off to that person who's annoyed the living daylights out of you.
Though, it's not always appropriate. Maybe it's your boss or coworker, maybe it's at the family dinner table, or maybe it's your romantic partner even. Regardless, it's not always the best time to actually yell at someone.
So we wanted to know what are some of the ways we can get the message across without actually saying those two little words that can land us in heaps of trouble.
Reddit users gave us plenty of answers to pull from, with some truly epic mic drops.
Redditor RaiAkshay asked:
"How do you say f*ck off, without saying f*ck off ?"
Here's some amazing examples.
Email come backs.
"Respond to a long, critical email, 'Received, thank you.'"
"Any time you begin with, 'Per my previous email...'"
"Or in the case of a long critical text, 'Unsubscribe.'"
"'Noted with thanks.' My favourite response to war and peace."
"I've just started attaching previous e-mails to my replies, and including all mentioned parties in the CC or BCC list... Like...."
"To: My Boss"
"CC: VP of Operations"
"Attachments: From: VP of Operations- No More Transfers Without My Personal Approval"
"Good Morning My Boss,"
"I denied associate John Doe's request for... whateverthef*ck transfer, due to the VP of Operations' e-mail explicitly forbidding such transactions without his personal approval. Please let me know if you'd like me to continue with the transaction anyways."
"Respectfully,"
"PaidLessButSmarterThanYouGoF*ckYourself"
"I just don't reply. When asked about it later I tell them I read it. Which I did truthfully. I just don't answer. It makes them mad."
"I do this too. You wanna go on a power trip in a mail, with tons of people in CC? Go ahead, I won't even answer."
- gagzd
Ending the argument.
"'I'd agree, but then we'd both be wrong.'"
"A similar one I like is 'There's no arguing with stupid people... so I'm just going to agree with you.'"
"'I don't bother arguing with stupid people anymore. I just cut it short and say 'you're right.'"
"'But that's completely irrational!'"
"'You're right.'"
"'Arguing with idiots is like playing chess with a pigeon. No matter how good you are, it will just take a shit on the board and strut about like it won anyway.'"
"This is so relevant right now."
"'I think we're done here.'"
"I knew my dentist hated me."
- SHREK_2
"Don't be silly. They hate everyone."
It's like a read receipt in real life.
"Noted."
- FurL0ng
"Reminds me of the Curb Your Enthusiasm scene where Larry David responds to the neighbor that tells him to never talk again to the kids at the lemonade stand. He responded with "Duly noted' and left with a big smile."
"Duly noted is a personal favorite and used on the regular. For whatever reason people seem unable to discern whether it's genuine or sarcastic when 'duly' is added to the front."
"Oh f*ck, do I need to stop saying this? I say this a lot especially over text."
"Yeah, but it definitely depends on who you are speaking to and context."
- naykid69
"These days I tend to go with 'okie dokie' or 'alrighty' when I'm responding in the affirmative. Nobody can misread those as being passive aggressive. My mother often responds to texts with 'k,' and I know she doesn't mean anything by it but it comes across as very abrupt and rude."
"Thanks for your input."
"Got to have finger guns when you say that, with sound effects and then give a thumbs up and a little wave, otherwise it's just not real enough."
"On a similar vein, starting a reply email with 'Thank you for your email.'"
Foreigners Explain Which Parts Of American Culture Seem Strange | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
America, land of the free... and oversized portions and cars. That's how the saying goes, right? There are some baffling quirks about the United States. That...No expression.
"Zero emotions shown."
"My old man once told me that people will always want something from you. If they can't get your love then they will go for your hate. Show them nothing. Give them nothing. Show zero emotions to them. It will drive people crazy and you will learn tolerance at the same time."
"This is what got me through having to deal with a few hostile coworkers in my time. Just let it flow right past you and stick to the practicalities. And laugh at their floundering rage later, when you're alone."
"This is key to shutting down d*ckhead customers. Source: was a barista for 5 yrs, waiter for 3."
"I will literally make that cappuccino 30 times before I let you see any sign that it's a problem. When getting under your skin is 70% of why they came to your store, it's withering."
- Raskov75
"It's a way to prevent escalating a situation, but it's still not worth it. I worked in the hospitality industry (hotels) for several years. Being a doormat for entitled a**holes is half of the job, and the pay sucks. If you do your job well, you protect the business from negative publicity/reviews/attention at the expense of your self-respect."
"I think that's what a lot of people don't realize about customer service oriented positions: you may be wearing a white collar instead of a blue one, and believe you have a better job for it, but you will pay for it in self-worth over the long run. Unless you can make it to corporate, even the highest positions in the service industry are still subjected to dog sh*t behavior, and moving up is really about being subjected to that behavior less often."
"I was lucky enough to be well-educated (mostly at my parents' expense) and was able to switch industries, but that's not always the case. I would never go back, even knowing the 'tricks' of the trade and dealing with the different hassles of a desk job."
- dajodge
"He screamed,"
"he shouted, scorned and shamed,
Rebuked and ranted,
mocked and blamed.
He stormed with rage for half a day,
And when he stopped,
she told him:"
"'... k.'"
"Think I read it on here, but something like be the grey rock in a stream and let it all flow past you."
I'll call you.
"I had an old bar regular who was popular for negotiating complex legal agreements over a glass a beer. The absolute highlight of his unorthodox practice was when he was on the phone with someone while sipping on his 8th Miller of the day and said, 'No don't call me, I'll call you. That'll limit our communication, which is great because I hate speaking to you.'"
"I respect that man a lot."
"My grandfather always says, 'Don't call me, I'll call you.' or when we were kids, 'Go play out in the street, I'll call you in later.' He speaks with the driest tone of anyone I've ever met, not sure if he's kidding or just hates everyone."
"My grandpa use to tell me to 'go play on the freeway,' I always thought it was hilarious. I wish he was still around to say it to my kids."
"'Go and play with the buses' was my mum's line."
- codeacab
"You folks have/had some shitty parents ngl. Like who tells their kid to basically go kill themselves, pretty savage."
"Ikr, can't even imagine having parents with a sense of humour."
Shutting down the conversation.
"I'm a fan of saying 'Well, good luck with that then,' and walking away."
"I have a Welsh friend who's a teacher. If he has to deal with a difficult parent, he shuts the conversation down with a 'There We Are Then.'"
"It's like a subtler, more Welsh way of saying 'C U Next Tuesday.'"
"This makes me laugh because whenever my super passive-aggressive father says, 'There it is,' it means he doesn't agree but he doesn't want to say so."
- paingry
"I've used 'I believe we've exhausted the possibilities of this conversation,' with a few parents over the years."
Teachers have their own version.
"As a middle school teacher I find a simple 'that's nice' does the trick. You really gotta nail the delivery otherwise it doesn't work. Also 'ain't that just the way' is a great alternative to 'who gives a f*ck.'"
"That reminds me of the late great Alex Trebek. When he would give the contestant interviews, he wasn't always engaged with whatever story they would share. Like maybe the person would share some story about their cat or their boring hobby, and he would smile and say, 'Good for you!'"
"I remember he had one absolute burn where he told a contestant 'no, because I'm not a loser,' or something like that (when they asked if he liked xyz too)."
"I remember this haha. The contestant had been a 'nerdcore' rap enthusiast and apparently the lyrics usually reflect geeky stuff and forever alone type sh*t, and I think after she added that last part it makes sense that he said that."
"The Soup used to have a recurring segment about Jeopardy contestants with their lame stories and how Trebek reacted to them called 'Cool Story, Jeopardy Contestant.'"
Receiving feedback.
"I'll take that under advisement."
"I hate this response when I am trying to give genuine feedback to someone with whom I thought I had a good relationship. It makes me doubt the whole relationship, if they don't really want to hear what I have to say."
"Speaking of that word, I f*cking hate emails that say 'please advise,' but I have a hard time pin-pointing why. There's a guy at work that uses it like an email signature, every. single. f*cking. email. 'Want to get some pizza for lunch? Please advise.' 'Please go to hell! But yes, I'd like some pizza, sounds good. Thanks!'"
Business is business.
"'Thanks for that.'"
"It's also how I say it in meetings."
"If they're more important than me I say, 'Absolutely. Let's park that, I'll make a note and we can address that separately offline,' which is BusinessDouche for 'what you have said is supremely unimportant and I will ignore it.'"
"'BusinessDouche' is the perfect label for this kind of lingo. See also: 'boil the ocean; move the needle; put a pin in it.'"
Take notes people, because now you'll have some great come backs that wont get you in trouble.
But at the same time, remember when people use these on you. There might be some subtext you've been missing.
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We get it, we're all super busy, and sometimes it's really hard to get all the chores done around work and living our lives.
But there are appliances we can have in our home, like a dishwasher, that can make those chores much more convenient.
However, they could really ruin our day, too, if we use them incorrectly.
Redditor Loud-Situation2643 asked:
"What should never go into the dishwasher?"
Can This Go Without Saying?
"The toilet brush! I read a story here about somebody that does that regularly."
- BOFHOOC
"That’s disturbing. I had a landlord tell me to put my cat’s litter box in the dishwasher weekly to keep the cat smell down. I did not take her up on that advice."
- annissamazing
"Your toilet brush. My friend found out the hard way her housemate was doing this WHILE DOING THE DISHES."
- raz0rflea
Apparently... Dinner?
"Fish. I worked apartment maintenance and a lovely old couple ruined, like, three dishwashers in a row by using them to steam fish. Very gross, considering the pre-wash cycle uses the gray water from the last cycle."
"Smelled pretty bad, too."
- poppykayak
"Lasagna."
- SiloueOfUlrin
High-Quality Knives
"I'll admit, we run some knives through, but only the crummy ones. The good ones, NEVER, and ideally those are hand-washed right away after use and not left to sit with anything on them."
- InannasPocket
Cast Iron Accessories
"I found a La Creuset Dutch Oven on clearance sale at crate and barrel of all places. I immediately bought it. Still, a lot of money to spend, but it was the best purchase I ever made for my kitchen."
"I fully understand why people pass these down from generation to generation. It’s in amazing condition for the number of times I’ve used it. And it’s dishwasher safe!"
"I still hand wash mine, because it’s like a child to me, and I don’t trust my partner to handle it! I always said I’d be a chef if I didn’t love what I do right now. So the fancy kitchen stuff I have always gets hand washed."
"P.S. their website says it’s dishwasher safe, but they recommend a hand wash for longevity and because the enamel can eventually wear down in a dishwasher."
- TheGhostofGiggy
Also, Wooden Kitchen Accessories
"Wooden Cutting boards."
- theSealclubberr
"This is one of my luxuries in life. Using a machine to wash your wooden spoons will shorten their life by a lot. Hand washed and well cared for a wooden spoon will last decades."
"A set of bamboo wooden spoons is like $12, so I buy a new set every year or two. $12 to not hand wash every night? Yes please."
- mwbbrown
Liquid Dish Soap. Enough Said.
"My daughter did this once, WOW, what a soapy disaster."
- CRCs_Reality
Also, Laundry Detergent
"When I first moved into my own apartment, my mom gave me a sandwich bag full of about a dozen detergent pods as a 'These will help you start off on your own' gesture."
"The first night of living in my own apartment, I fired up the dishwasher. 20 minutes later while playing video games, I noticed this wave of suds moving toward me from the kitchen. When I say a wave, I mean it. I have never seen so many d**n bubbles."
"That’s how I learned my wonderful mom gave me both dishwasher detergent pods AND laundry detergent pods in the same sandwich bag. I had a 50/50 odds and boy did I lose, lmao (laughing my a** off)."
"Needless to say, this happening on my first night living on my own had me questioning what I was doing, and if I would be better off living in my mom’s basement for the rest of eternity."
- mitten_man69
We Need a Storytime for This One
"The part of the blender that says, 'Do Not Immerse.'"
- PomeloLongjumping537
Protect the Detailed Glassware at All Costs
"All my PRETENTIOUS fancy brewery glasses. Those designs are staying where they are."
- JonathanWattsAuthor
"I put a printed shot glass into the dishwasher that was part of a set. It came out clean all right, picture completely dissolved."
- Luneowl
That Would Be Terrible
"Your secret cash stash."
- ThinkingOz
Ew ew ew.
"Mashed potato residue. Oh my god, it gets on EVERYTHING. Especially if the chunks are too large to fit through the filter. It just sits in the water and coats everything."
- ioncloud9
For the 'Friends' Fans Out There
"Paper, snow… A ghost!"
- TheAceBoogie
Divorce.
"I found out recently, you aren't supposed to put your girlfriend's collectible Starbucks cups in there."
"They melt."
- scumbag801
Reddit's Got Jokes
"A baby."
- DrunkWestTexan
"As a new father, I wish you'd told me earlier."
- ancalime9
And Feathered Jokes
"A duck."
- beetus_gerulaitis
"Who are you that you are so wise in the ways of science?"
- MacTechG4
While dishwashers were invented to make our lives a little bit easier when it's time to wash the dishes, there are some items that, when placed in there, could really ruin someone's day.
TV enthusiasts could argue that shows on television are a more compelling and superior form for media entertainment.
A story arc can be played out to its fullest potential without shortchanging the audience with a two-and-a-half hour duration of a film.
While movies are in their own category, TV shows–including short miniseries–can engage an audience over a span of seasons as long as there is more stories to tell.
Some TV shows break away from the formula and can feature anthology–or standalone–episodes that are impressive in their own right.
Whether it's a featured independent storyline or a memorable moment within a show's season, Redditor stevenpost asked:
"What's the greatest episode of a tv show ever made?"
These comedic shows offered up plenty of memorable laughs.
From "The Simpsons"
"Marge v. the Monorail"
– bloom_picayune
That Dark Mockumentary
"What we do in the shadows - 'On the Run' (the Jackie Daytona episode)"
– Bakedalaska1
Such A Snakehole
"The snake juice episode of Parks and Rec."
– GuinessForDinner
Touching Cameo
"The scrubs episode with Brendan Frasier. I didn't know a 22 min show could make me cry."
– metarinka
This classic TV show still resonates with newer viewers.
It's Hard To Choose
"The twilight zone episode monsters are due on maple street"
"The tools of conquest do not necessarily come with bombs and explosions and fallout. There are weapons that are simply thoughts, attitudes, prejudices... to be found only in the minds of men. For the record, prejudices can kill... and suspicion can destroy... and a thoughtless, frightened search for a scapegoat has a fallout all of its own—for the children and the children yet unborn. And the pity of it is that these things cannot be confined to the Twilight Zone."
"Will the real Martian please stand up is also a classic"
"Incident on a small island, to be believed or disbelieved. However, if a sour-faced dandy named Ross or a big, good-natured counterman who handles a spatula as if he'd been born with one in his mouth, – if either of these two entities walk onto your premises, you'd better hold their hands – all three of them – or check the color of their eyes – all three of them. The gentlemen in question might try to pull you in – to The Twilight Zone."
– theMothman1966
Here are some hauntingly compelling examples.
Based On The Tragic Event
"Chernobyl- Vichnaya Pamyat"
– hambone10
'... they mistakenly sent the one good man. For God's sakes Boris, you were the one who mattered the most.'
"Not the best line of that episode, but definitely in the top."
Shoutout To Firefighters
"It’s difficult for me to pick a 'best episode' from Chernobyl because in my mind it’s possibly the best television ever made from start to finish. Pacing is fast and there’s literally not a wasted shot in the entire series."
"Open Wide, O Earth is my honorable mention episode just for the inclusion of the firefighters. Full-blown body horror that hits even harder because it’s based on stuff that actually happened. The show has lots of excellent horror sequences but the firefighters arc definitely stands out as the most memorable to me."
– Hefty_Tendy
Picard's Wakeup Call
"The Inner Light - Star Trek TNG"
– Doit2it42
The Gripping Tracking Shot
"'Who goes there' of True Detective is a serious adrenaline ride. Great episode from a fantastic show."
– Smoque_
The Face Off
"Better Call Saul - Chicanery."
– earhere
One of the best episodes I've seen recently was from the penultimate episode of This Is Us.
After taking a break from watching the show after being overwhelmed with being behind, I was encouraged to keep watching it. I'm glad I did.
Not only did this particular episode profoundly give the beautiful show a worthy send-off, but it also helped me process a lot of emotions as I continue to struggle to deal with a family member living with a cruel mental illness.
Everyone has insecurities.
Be it speaking in public, wearing beach attire, or even one's profession, very few people don't have at least one topic of conversation that is bound to make them red in the face.
Some people are pretty adept at hiding their discomfort and can manage to persevere through their phobias with their dignity intact.
Others are not so lucky and often go to great lengths to hide their insecurities, only to make them even more apparent.
"What screams 'I’m insecure'?"
The Wisest People Are Those Always Willing To Learn
"When people are unable to admit that they don’t know something."- slimytoads
not listening no way GIFGiphyOther People's Success Are Not Your Failures
"Mocking someone else's achievement."- SuvenPan
Never Pick Yourself Up By Taking Others Down
"Belittling others."- Term-Haunting
"Always talking badly about others and trying to make them look weak/bad."- Pildith
The Simpsons GIF by MOODMANGiphyMaybe Honesty Isn't Always The Best Policy...
"When you're quick to be 'brutally honest' with others, but have a meltdown when someone does it back to you."-eF240uKX52hp
Not As Funny As They Think...
"People who tear other people down as a joke but then get mad when they get it handed back to them."
"Clearly they either aren’t joking or are too sensitive to be dishing out sh*t."- babythrottlepop
Being On Top Adds More Possibilities Of Falling Down...
"Trying to one-up people in every conversation."- Flanky_Bwai
"One upping people in conversation."
"If I tell you I had a great trip to X place, I don’t need to hear about your better trip to someplace else that’s ostensibly 'better'."- I_Am_The_Grapevine
kristen wiig television GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphySome Things Speak For Themselves...
"Constantly saying what kind of person you are."
"If you were, you wouldn’t have to tell us."- ubereddit
A Little Contrition Goes A Long Way...
"Never apologizing."
"Making excuses and even twisting the facts but never apologize."- SuvenPan
But Enough About Me, What Do You Think Of Me?
"Constant projection and self-serving compliments."- nhabz
Look At Me Kiki GIF by The Bachelor AustraliaGiphyWhat Are They Even Trying To Prove?
"Revving your vehicle loudly every time you pass another person."- msnmck
Superior By Association
“'You will address me by my husband’s rank!'”- Psychological-Stay16
PDA Much?
"Elaborate Instagram and Facebook posts declaring love for one’s significant other over and over and over."- jbmaun
Happy Married At First Sight GIF by LifetimeGiphyAlways Needing Validation
"People who can’t think or feel anything without being told that it’s okay to do so."- Diesel07012012
It's sad that so many people think the only way to overcome something which makes them embarrassed or afraid is by embarrassing or demeaning others.
When being open and honest about your insecurities might, instead, result in your finding common ground with others.
And making new, lifelong friends in the process.
People Confess Which Things From Their Childhood They Thought Were Normal Until They Were An Adult
Every family has customs or traditions which are unique to them.
Be it all gathering together to watch The Muppet Christmas Carol every Christmas eve or an annual fried chicken picnic with dark and stormies every fourth of July. They are well aware not everyone does this, which makes it all the more special.
However, depending on the way it was introduced to them, some children are raised to think certain customs or habits done by their family are, indeed, normal.
Only to grow up and realize that theirs might have been the only family in the world which partook in them.
In some cases, this discovery is met with laughs and maybe the tiniest bit of embarrassment.
Other times, it's no laughing matter.
"What's something about your childhood that you thought was normal at the time but realiszd as an adult that it wasn't?"
Seemed Like A Good Idea, Until You Read Why...
"Having a cooler in the car."
"My parents always packed one, there were cokes and waters in it."
"The weird part was there was also always beer in it."
"Didn't matter if we were going 12 hours or 1 hour, they packed a cooler."
"Didn't realize how much my mom was drinking until years later when she become a non-functioning alcoholic."- IslandsOnTheCoast·
Dad Of The Year!
"When i was a kid I thought that all the Korean candy stores were free."
"Like you could go in, take what you wanted and leave."
"I would make friends with other Korean kids, take them to my favorite candy stores and tell them to help themselves. which they did."
"So apparently, whenever we'd visit my family in Korea, my dad would talk to all the candy shop owners in the neighborhood and tell them to put anything me or my friends took, on a tab."
"Maybe it was because i barely even spoke korean, but that whole situation just seemed perfectly f*ckin normal to my oblivious little self."- yaybunz
Boundaries Exist For A Reason
"In hind sight I realize that what I thought was 'freedom' was actually neglect."
"Kids aren't supposed to be left to themselves in such a degree that they end up raising themselves."
"From personal experience doing so leads to a lot of misunderstandings on how things are supposed to be."- Hattkake·
A Little Sensitivity Does Go A Long Way
"Being really sensitive to people's emotions because you never know if they could be in a bad mood."
"Turns out I learned that from my dad to make sure I don't make it worse."- UpstairsDifficult966
Think Carefully If You Have What It Takes To Be A Parent...
"Parents aren't supposed to make fun of their kids, complain about what they have to do for their children, and break down when they don't feel validated by their own child."- Doobledorf
"My mom never cooked, and there would be a lot of nights where I went without food because she didn't buy any."
"I thought it was normal for a mom to sleep the majority of the day."
"In reality she was always f*cked up on painkillers."
"Then, with my grandmother, she was controlling over whatever clothes, shoes, and how my hair looked."
"I always had to look like a good Christian boy."- Additional-Soup3853
Wait, what?
"I was in college before I learned that you don't have to get your mother a gift for your birthday because 'she's the one that did all the work that day'."- lylertila
Kind Of Sad To Think Self-Sufficiency Is So Rare...
"Being able to fix things myself."
"My dad is an engineer and throughout my childhood we'd come up with random creative projects to build stuff, he'd show me how to fix things and what safety precautions to look out for."
"Now if something happens at my flat I know how to fix it (or I call my dad and he'll guide me)."
"My boyfriend and friends have no idea how I know this stuff or how to do these things themselves, I always thank my Dad!"
"It's great because I get to save a lot of money, and I've saved money for my friends too!"
"Also, it means a lot to me because at the time and the town I was in girls weren't encouraged to do engineering, but my dad didn't care."
'I was little girl and thought it was essential for me to know how to do these things myself."
'I think he also hoped I'd one day become an engineer!"- imhere2913
Sadly, Not As Common As You Thiink...
"My parents were happily married and our home was happy and loving."- IllChampionship5
"Actually liking your parents/siblings/family."
"Almost everyone I know can't stand the people they grew up with, which I find strange."- ThatDukeGuy
Making A Custom Even More Meaningful
"Every Christmas my parents would buy me and my siblings one Christmas ornament to decorate the tree, which typically highlighted a special event or something important or a topic we were highly interested in that year."
"The tree started off rather bare at first, but after five kids and twenty-five years, that thing was filled from top to bottom, and shows a history of our lives."
"I thought it was how everyone decorated family home Christmas trees for awhile, but apparently it’s pretty unique to us."- RummelNation
Leading To A Massive Vocabulary No Doubt...
"Having a room full of dictionaries."
"I was baffled when I met kids in secondary school (as an adult doing a teacher training course at the time) who didn't even understand the basics of how to use one in their own language, let alone a two-language one."
"My dad was a translator so growing up it was just a normal thing, and I would sometimes just take one and look up random words in different languages for fun."- MrLuxarina
Unbelievable That This Isn't Normal
"Being taught to care about everybody, regardless of race, religion, or politics."
"We were lower middle-class farmers and we played with everyone."
"Everybody was welcome in my parents home."
"We had a ginormous garden and my parents gave our neighbors food out of it."
"My parents taught if you give out love, it’s returned 10 fold."
"Needless to say that bit us in the butt some times."
"But my parents died living and believing that."- SCGranny64
Not Exactly Normal, But Far too Commonplace
"When it would rain we would put pots and pans down to catch the drips."
'I would be sent to go have a slumber party with cousins whenever the electricity would get cut off due to nonpayment."
"I thought it was commonplace for people to go thru stuff like that."- RacksDiciprine
Ultimately, everyone's childhood is unique.
Many are grateful to learn just how unusual or special their childhood is.
For others, the discovery proves to be far too little too late.
Do you have something to add? Let us know in the comments.