Duh?

Play along but pretend to be a total idiot. 'Hmm laptop on...do I need to plug it in first??' Icannotgoforthat

Wasted. 

The other day I let the telemarketer get about 2 questions into their script and then I interrupted them and said the following, "wait, hold up. Hold up. Hold on. Wait hold up. Holdupholdupholdupholdup. Wait... hold up. Hold on. Hold up. Hold up, hold up, hold up. Hold on. Hold up. Okay."

Then she hung up, which I'm actually pretty proud of because most of those telemarketer places have rules that keep them from being allowed to hang up unless you threaten or swear at them. Waste my time and I'll waste yours. SloopyDoops

What's your beef?

"Home of the Whopper. What's your beef?"

"Thank you for calling Good Burger. Home of the Good Burger. Can I take ya awder?"

"Trojan condoms. We'll come before you do. Is this for pick up or delivery?"

"Thank you for calling your local scientology volunteer service. You're hired." CrashMcCloud

I don't trust her.

What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada.

I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier. Scaro88

No.... X 10!

Just answer "no" to whatever they say. My uncle has got spam calls on the phone for over 5 minutes, while just saying "no" to whatever they say. Jaxerfp

FOOL!

"You mortal fool! You dare summon me when I am most powerful?!?!? you must have a death wish and I assure you it will be granted!!!!"

But in the softest voice You can muster. Mental_Plague_Rat

Hey Dayton.

"Dayton city morgue." Is a favorite of mine, also "Dayton city Insane Asylum, how may I make your day crazier?"

But 90% of my spam calls are robot calls so it hardly works.

Also, I use these when relatives call. It gives them a good laugh. CoffeeCat072083

Shame!

Spam them back. Sell them something ridiculous until the point when they give you their credit card number, but stop and shame them for what they do. Lost_Borealian

Devious...

I just say in a very robotic voice "Hello, you have reached the customer service line for Johnson's assassinations. For a gunning, press 1, for kidnapping press 2, for a thermonuclear strike on the target's home town press 3. uglyatheist

10/10....

A good friend of mine has my favorite way to do it:

He'd answer, and wait to make sure it was actually a scammer. Then, after about a minute of their pitch, he'd start screaming "OHHHHHHHHH GOD MY BUTHOOOOOOLE. MY DAMN BUTHOOOOOOOOOLE."

10/10 they'd hang up. Fleebledee

Gramps....

My great grandpa was hilarious. He once got a phone call from this man who told him he needed two thousand dollars to open a bank account, and that when it was open he would send him the money. He said he desperately needed the money. So my grandpa takes him on a three hour adventure, during which he fakes himself getting fired, wrecking his car, and eventually getting hit by a car all to mess with a man who tried to scam a sixty year old veteran. It was truly hilarious. the-drunk-potato

Hey Lewis....

"Homicide"... Michaels speaking. Hold on a second. Lewis.. Lewis! Put a sheet on that body. Ok, what do you want?" Greeblebrox

 "What hang up?"

I typically say "I just have this one hangup with (whatever product)."

Typically you'll get a response like "What hang up?"

And that's when I hang up. jonahvsthewhale

It's the small things ya know.   

I like pretending I'm old and they damn love it. Cuz they prey on the elderly so it's easy to get them to go along with it. Then just string them along with fake things and every so often yell "Oh no I've pooped my pants!!" It's the small things ya know. medicff

Play Along. 

Sometimes I'll just play along, and then when they ask for my credit card info I'll put the phone down for like 10 minutes. If they stay on the line, I'll pick it back up and then give them the wrong credit card number, do it over and over again, and then pretend to get mad at them for making it too difficult. alpengeist19

..............

Actual advice here: take the call but don't say anything, leave them hanging in silence.

After some tries they wont call you back and don't sell your number any further, worked wonders for me! N1kc1

 "Bonjour"

Last one I got I simply answered with "Bonjour" and they hung up immediately. SexDeity

I've done a few with the rotating language game. Might need to brush up on a few more languages. Lol it's always risky if it turns out to be a real call. Front_Angle

Sexy Sounds....

I'm a guy. If it's a man on the other line I flirt with them, try to get a date. They hang up.

Well, now, wait a minute.... is that good or bad? Yes, I got them off the phone, but I didn't get the date. llcucf80

Ever took that as measure in your ability to woo a potential mate ?

Did you ask them what they were wearing? cltzzz

Just North of Miami......

I tell them I don't have a credit card, but can mail them cash. That gets them interested so I can waste a lot of their time. I even had a guy give me apparently his home address in West Park, FL (just north of Miami). I contacted the local police there, and they said they were already looking into him. Dry-Report

This only applies for human beings btw.....

If you have time to waste, waste their time: pretend to comply but make up random errors for them to troubleshoot, provide slightly different information every time they ask for it, make them repeat whatever they say as often as possible, tell them to hang on one second and leave them on the line for as long as you wish.

This only applies for human beings btw. If you prove to be difficult enough, they may blacklist you. GonzoRouge

Bot 2 Bot....

Interestingly most spam calls are just recorded audio. So I fight fire with fire and let my phone's assistant answer. Usually they hang up in a few seconds. I think the robots realize they are talking to each other and hang up. ExpansiveAcorn7