I hate spam callers. And now that robocalling has become incessant, we can't escape it. Until recently I thought I was alone. I thought I was the only one being hounded and stalked. The amount of time I've spent doing research on phone numbers infuriates me. I/m done with tears and frustration. It's time for revenge. Let's put together a plan.Redditor u/petey_wheatstraw_99 wanted highlights about how to deal with the ridiculous amount of unwanted phone calls by asking... What's the best response to a spam caller to flip the tables on them?
Today alone, I got five calls. My biggest question is who thinks this is a good idea? Why would I buy something from someone who is actively trying to drive me insane? Whoever is on the other end... I don't dislike you... I hate you and I'm not alone.
OKNo Way Reaction GIF by FreeformGiphy
There's a great spam baiting video on YouTube (for the Nigerian Prince type of email) where the guy just responds to every email with 'OK'. I'd imagine that would work pretty well on the phone as well.
Act like you're on board, but enthusiastically misunderstand everything.
Spam caller: hi we've been trying to reach you concerning your car's extended warranty please tell us the make and model of your car.
Op: OMG I'M GETTING A NEW CAR YES YES YES I'VE BEEN NEEDED ONE FOR SO LONG!
spam caller: wait for sir no we need the-
I play dumb. Like, really freaking dumb. I use my best Valley Girl accent with plenty of upticks.
Car insurance spam? "I like, don't believe in cars? Because like? They're like, a government conspiracy to like, make you pay gas? Like, they don't exist?"
For some reason they never call again.
Tech StuffComputer Working GIFGiphy
Twenty minutes into trying to solve my "computer issues". "Sorry can I just ask, does my computer need to be on while doing this?"
The Old Beater
Throughout my life I have always owned at least one old beater car. So sometimes when I get those car warranty calls I will tell them that I would love to get my warranty extended on my 1980s oldsmobile or whatever I own at the time. I then launch into a list of all the things that are wrong with it at the time.
"Does this cover the frame rot I'm experiencing? What about the rust hole forming at the door? No? Okay what about the door seals that have gone to rot? No? Okay what about the exhaust? I think there is a slight leak maybe it is the header rusting through a little. No? Okay well what about the engine burning oil? Will you guys cover that?"
Let me Look..
My grandma was asked about her computer she told them she will look for it. Left the phone for 45 minutes. Came back saying she never found one as she doesn't own one. I love her so much.
My cousin was out working in the back fields of his property and got a spam call claiming that he owed thousands of dollars to the IRS or something. Quick on his feet he started sobbing to the guy, saying that he had just found out that his wife was cheating, and she was going to leave him. Last week his dog had got hit by a truck. How he was really far behind on all sorts of payments.
And now he learns that how owes thousands to the IRS. He tells the caller that he just doesn't see how he can go on living. That he'd be better off dead. Cousin pulls his pistol and fires a round. The scammer was quite distraught through it all.
Hey Youngin'phone foot GIF by AFV BabiesGiphy
I give the phone to my toddler. They usually hang up after a couple minutes of babble and button pushing.
There is a CD made by Tom Mabe called "Revenge On The Telemarketers". This is him recording calls and messing with telemarketers. Most of the jokes are ok, but one stands out.
A carpet cleaning business called him. He responds with "Oh thank God you called, can you get blood out of the carpet?"
They respond with "Yes"
He goes on with "I mean a LOT of blood, it's everywhere"...
This goes on for a while.
In an interview I found on PBS, he explained that the telemarketer called the cops on him because of that call. The police showed up and checked out the house to find there was no blood and he explained it was just him messing with a telemarketer. One cop found it hilarious, the other was not amused.
Jerry Said...seinfeld GIF by HULUGiphy
The Seinfeld response.
"I'm busy right now but if you give me your home phone, I'll call later this evening."
"Sorry sir, I can't do that"
"Oh you don't want strangers calling you at home? Now you know how I feel." ... click...
About a week ago a spam caller called me AGAIN and this time I was like "Did you hide the body?" and the person on the other line was like "What?" they REALLY sounded scared.
I used to keep getting called by the same caller for about a month, they would constantly say that my car needed insurance (I already have car insurance) so I responded with the exact bs that they said to me, they instantly shut up and after about a minute of waiting for them to respond I hung up.
Just pretend interested, but never say anything like that can be considered as "yes", always with "maybe", then say something like "I have to check with my mom, just a sec." Then just place the phone somewhere else without hanging up, and ignore them until they close the line. It's their time you're wasting. Forget them. I think my record is 26min keeping them on the line while I was playing online poker.
Dead!dead seth meyers GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
I always do the forcefully awkward "yea he's dead. He past away over the weekend."
So I work at a call center but it's for actual bills that people signed legal agreements for, for assets they are paying on. When people do this I just let the line remain open until they need to use their phone again because I don't want to call someone else. Eventually they hang up.
Also our management doesn't monitor our OB calls. Heh.
I ask them to tell me the name of their company. As they do that, I am typing www.ftc.gov and opening up a complaint form. Then I ask them to spell the name of the company, ask for the address and the company phone number in case we get disconnected. Once I complete the complaint form, I say, "Ok, got all your info, the complaint has been filed with the FTC. Good day."
And I hang up.
For those calling to 'survey me', I ask if they are paying for my time. When they say, "no," I say, "then we are done talking because my time is worth money" and hang up the phone. The first time my kids heard me do this they were stunned. Now they do the same thing.
Morgueseason 13 episode 22 GIFGiphy
I answer " Adams county morgue" all but 1 hung up. When he started talking I said " sir this is the morgue, and acted like I was yelling to a coworker about the head being in separate area " Click.
I'd answer the phone with "Moshi Moshi". People who actually know me know I'm an ex-weeb and just being weird, but spam callers will put you down as a non-English speaker and not call you because they can't communicate.
If you get the one spam caller who can speak Japanese, start answering with "coi rodo". If you find a spam caller who can speak Lojban let the authoring group know.
Spam caller: Hello, I'm calli
You: can you give me a second? (wait 15secs) Ok I'm back. How can I help you.
Spam caller: Yes, I'm callin
You: Please hold. (wait 30 seconds) I'm back.
Spam caller: We're calling abo
You: Please hold.
Rinse and repeat.
All great suggestions. Now let's implement in real time and see if we get the responses we were hoping for. Of course, ignoring the call is still always an option.
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There are things men do that easily annoy the opposite sex, simply by being a guy.
"That's such a dude move," or "typical male," can be examples of snide remarks made following disapproving gender-specific behavior.
"What is something most people think only men do, but actually women do as well?"
Get ready for some misconceptions to be turned completely upside down.
Time For Tootin'
"For years I thought ladies didn’t fart. My mom told me that so it had to be true. It didn’t matter that I was a girl and farted. I thought there was just this magical age where girls turned into ladies and stopped farting."
"Apparently even when my mom did fart, I’d whip my head around and go 'ewwww dad!' Mom found it hilarious, dad not so much. Then one day I was in the bathroom with my mom (cause who trusts a four year old for longer the two minutes by themselves?) and I heard it: The quiet mythical fart from a lady."
"Oh Lordy, I told everyone! Everyone needed to know that ladies do fart, even my mom and she’s a lady! Dad found it hilarious, mom not so much."
"The weird side step."
"Sometimes when I wear really short shorts, my butt cheeks start 'eating' my shorts and I have to try my best to make a discreet weird side step to adjust it..."
Assuming The Position
"Keep hand in pants in a non sexual way when just chilling."
It's A Pleasure
"I grew up thinking women couldn’t masturbate only men could. In middle school I searched up women masturbating and bro my jaw dropped."
Redditors share their thoughts about men and women keeping up with appearances.
Keep It Smooth
"Shave their face."
"I feel like women even keep this a secret from each other until you find out someone else does too or how common it is. Even still most women will rename it as “dermaplaning”. Such stigma around it."
Checking The Fitness Progress
"Flex in the mirror."
"Be dirty and lazy."
"I've worked in customer service most of my life, and can easily say that women's restrooms are an absolute nightmare compared men's restrooms 95% of the time. Like seriously, just throw your tampons in the trash, and wipe up your blood please; you've got a whole roll of tp 6 inches from your elbow."
"Check out women."
"Even straight women check out women. Source: am a straight woman… I think."
Just a thought, or may two or three.
Chivalry Is Non-Binary
"I just said this on another thread but, having fantasies about saving people or sacrificing yourself for them."
Revved Up Without Warning
"Get horny over nothing or randomly."
"Seem to be in deep thought but is actually just gaping at a wall with zero thoughts. Alternately, may be thinking of somethings completely random. That meme about the wife thinking the husband is probably thinking if another woman, when in reality he's thinking of something random ? Ya, as a woman, I relate with that husband."
Locker Room Talk
"Talk and joke about sex. I can’t speak for everyone, but I find girls talking about it more than guys."
"Heck, at one point we were having a little bonfire, and one couple got up to leave. My friend’s wife asked if they wanted to play Among Us when they got home, and the other girl just turned around and casually said 'Nah, this is usually about the time we have sex.' To which my friend’s wife responds 'Oh yeah, we just did that this morning.'”
The point is, all genders are capable of similar behavior that people have been socialized to exclusively associate with men.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
We are all equally guilty of being a little naughty, regardless of gender. So get over it.
It still amazes me that we live in a world where people are charged for drinking water. Water is a necessity! I have a lot of disdain for companies like Nestle, which siphons millions of gallons of water from entire communities only to sell it back to them.
What the hell is up with that? Does that not sound dystopian to anyone else? Okay, then. Water should be free – this should not be controversial.
People shared their thoughts with us after Redditor that_boy_ste asked the online community,
"You can make one thing/service free for the entire planet. What are you making free?"
"Healthcare would be awesome..."
"Clean drinking water, sadly. Healthcare would be awesome and if that covers water since water is essential for health, then yes!"
*cries in American*
"Because there are..."
"Education. Because there are entirely too many ignorant people on this planet."
That and over time this resolves literally every other problem...
"...so children and adults..."
"Education, so children and adults who are not able to go to school or afford to can now do so."
I wonder how much society could have advanced if education were free
"It's already free in my country..."
"Healthcare, it's already free in my country, but I want people in all the world to be healthy."
Life would improve pretty quickly for so many people if this were the case.
"Basic housing: floors, walls, ceilings and a roof, running water, working drains, electricity, heat and air conditioning, cooking facilities, refrigeration, etc."
Though this is "basic" by American standards, which is pretty good by many developing world standards, it should be the basic minimum for people everywhere in the world.
"Clean, free energy..."
"Clean free energy is the best answer. Everything else posted here requires energy to produce."
Everyone is focused on helping people in their day-to-day lives. Free clean energy would help the planet long-term.
"I live in America..."
"I live in America, so I’d have to say hospital stays. Healthcare in general. Moved away from family shortly before Covid, got Covid real bad shortly after. Had no debt. Started my adult life $3,500 in the hole. Yeah, free healthcare."
The debt trap people fall into just because they needed to go to the doctor or hospital is so predatory and wrong.
"Based on my narrow view..."
"Based on my narrow view of the world, housing is my biggest expense. So based on that logic, housing would make the biggest difference. Although, if you consider Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, physiological needs are more important."
I was looking at some budgeting advice the other day. They suggest your housing expenses should be 30 percent of your pay. I laughed and laughed and laughed.
"Transportation. If moving things from one place to another had no cost we could reduce the cost of everything else AND eliminate regional scarcity of most commodities."
Indeed it would! A game-changer if put into practice.
"Therapy is very essential..."
"Hmmmmmm I'd say, therapy, therapy is very essential and can help greatly."
Human behavior has gotten us into most of our world problems, and behavior change is one of the hardest things to accomplish. Therapy is just the tip of the iceberg, but would help at a large scale if free.
Human beings have boundless potential. The world isn't perfect — remember that there's no law saying that things need to remain as they are. Humans have always innovated and reaped the benefits in the long run.
Have some suggestions of your own? Tell us more in the comments below!
When I was a kid, I would occasionally watch this show called Big Bag. It went off the air more than 20 years ago and it seemed to only play at five or six in the morning. If I happened to wake up early, I'd catch it. It was targeted toward preschool viewers and was fun and silly, a partnership between Cartoon Network and what is now the Sesame Workshop.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only person who remembers it existed. But I'm not the only one with this kind of dilemma.
People shared their thoughts with us after Redditor LegitimateMangoHeir asked the online community,
"What's a show from your childhood that no one else seems to remember?"
Sagwa The Chinese Siamese Cat (2001)
"I thought Sagwa the Chinese Siamese Cat was a fever dream for so long."
Probably because it only had a single season! Might as well have vanished off the face of the earth after that.
"Hamtaro. For the LONGEST time I distinctly remembered watching the show but couldn't remember what it was called or anything else. I remember having a revelation in middle school and going "IT'S REAL???"
It certainly was real! And it was quite possibly the cutest thing to ever be broadcast on our television screens.
"There's a specific age group that really enjoyed Gargoyles."
Hi, it's me. I'm the age-group. There are dozens of us!
Mummies Alive! (1997)
"Mummies Alive! That and Gargoyles were my favourites to watch after school."
Another one that aired for a single season, it was part of a general trend of "mummymania" in 1990s pop culture.
Out of the Box (1998)
"Out of the Box. So long, farewell, to you my friends."
This one had a good run. That theme song is now in my head.
Count Duckula (1988)
"Count Duckula. The best damn cartoon ever!"
I hadn’t heard that theme song in decades and I was just transported back to my childhood room.
Maggie and the Ferocious Beast (2000)
"Maggie and the Ferocious Beast. Great googly moogly!"
O Canada! This one was cute!
Stick Stickly from "Nick in the Afternoon" (1994)
"Anyone remember Stick Stickley on Nickelodeon? I even remember the jingle but everyone I talk to looks at me crazy!"
Write to me, Stick Stickley, PO BOX 963, New York City, New York State, 10108!
The Angry Beavers (1997)
"The Angry Beavers. People look at me like I’m a psycho when I mention it."
This one — along with CatDog — was super popular!
2 Stupid Dogs (1993)
"2 Stupid Dogs. Well, ain't that cute. But it's wrong!"
I quote that line at least once a day. I loved that show.
You should probably run to YouTube and take a trip down memory lane. Thankfully, many of these are available in some capacity for you to enjoy!
Have some shows you love that you'd like to mention? Tell us more in the comments below!
You know what would be great?
If "family influencers" didn't exist. I don't know what people get out of watching people do their shopping and raise their kids, but it sounds boring as hell. Oh, and did I mention that the children have pretty much no privacy from the moment they're born? Yeah... that'll be a treat for them to comprehend when they're older.
But there are a host of other things out there that are just as annoying. People shared their thoughts with us after Redditor RAZOR314 asked the online community,
"What modern trend do you absolutely hate?"
"News agencies writing articles..."
"News agencies writing articles about "all these people are saying X" when it's just a few random people on Twitter, and generally the trend of amplifying fringe theories, beliefs, conspiracies, etc."
I think one of the unfortunate developments in the modern media landscape is the obsession with Twitter. I think it really exacerbates some current issues of representation in the media.
"I hate these videos..."
"I hate those videos with a split screen and something interesting is happening on one half, while an 'influencer' is literally just watching on the other half."
"I do not give a single f*ck about the influencer. I just want to see the thing on the other side. You know, the thing worth reacting to."
So true. They can't create worthwhile content so they "react" to the worthwhile content.
"People recording when they should be helping."
Sometimes recording does help — look at all the instances of police brutality that have made national headlines — but it's not when people are recording for likes, views, clout etc.
"The abundance of unskippable ads on videos. I 100% guarantee I will actively try to not buy your product if you're interrupting what little precious time I have to watch something."
Yes, it makes me so angry. Stop wasting my time. I will click out of something so fast.
"Corporations buying single family homes and turning them into rentals."
And people wonder why there's a housing crisis.
"All controls in a car being through a touch screen."
"For driving safety I wanna keep my eyes on the road, and want to find controls (like window wipers, radio by touch. With a touch screen, I have to look to see if I am touching the right place on the screen for the control I want."
Yes! It's an unnecessary design change, honestly more trouble than it's worth.
"The fact that EVERYTHING is a f*cking ad."
There are many ways to get around that and you can learn about it in my new book How to get rid of ads (free with your Amazon Audible trial).
"Subscription services. Everything nowadays is being turned into a monthly bill."
It's awful. And everything is so expensive. Why bother having all these subscriptions in the first place, right?
"The abundance of people trying to be influencers/streamers, while the majority of them are about as interesting as a boil."
To be honest, most people would rather watch the boil.
We live in a pretty cool world. It'd just be better if most of this stuff didn't exist.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!