Being in a romantic relationship can be hard work.
You're constantly navigating highs and lows.
There is so much compromise involved it can feel like political warfare.
And one of the main factors that keeps romance alive is the spice up.
You want to try to keep things from getting stale.
So that is when new sexual ideas emerge.
Often this is when secret fantasies come to light.
And a lot of the time... the requests don't go over so well.
Redditor MuchLoveWaffleGirlwanted to hear about how to navigate romantic requests of a partner. So they asked:
"What would you do if your SO asked you to have an open relationship?"
I tried open. Didn't really. Could be because I'm a jealous loon. Maybe.
Uh No.
Super Bowl Ok GIF by PepsiGiphy"I was asked. I said no. Things carried on as normal for a few months. Then I found out that the reason she asked was because she was cheating on me. Bye *itch."
swingrider
Not for everyone...
"Related to someone that has been married for like 18 years now with an open marriage. Not for everyone, but they seemed to have found some way to balance it that works for them. I don’t have details on how they made it work, because I don’t really want to know, but it seemed to be from the start more or less."
vercertorix
blindsided...
"My ex brought it up once, we were a bit wine drunk so I thought it was just a one off fun chat. A while later she mentions how we’re still very young and she’s not sure what comes next, getting married and then that’s it? But life rolled on and we moved and lived together etc."
"In January she tells me she wants to break up. At the time I was blindsided, but looking back now it’s so clear what she was hinting at. I don’t have a problem, I get it, I wish her well, but I sure wish I hadn’t been strung along for two years before that point."
Newbarbarian13
Dumped
"I actually said yes, and it killed the relationship very quickly. It was not that much of a stretch for us. We would participate in group scenes but we always came as a pair. There were never any issues, and it even brought us closer together. We were able to flirt as a team and explore our sexualities."
"There was never any jealousy. But when she requested we open it up, she also started ignoring our explicit, agreed-upon terms. More than any physical act, that felt like cheating. And when I spoke up about it, I got dumped."
partywalrusXL
Rocks
Living Single Goodbye GIFGiphy"Mine asked me 7 months ago and I stupidly accepted (I’m monogamous still) and it hurts, even on the best days I think about it. I’ve told him how I felt about it, but he said he loves the other person too much to end it. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years, and it hit like a rock."
"Edit: I’ve discussed with my boyfriend again how awful it feels and what you guys have said and I am happy to say that he is going to break up with the other person. He said it’s going to take sometime but as soon as he can he will! Thank you all so very much for your input and helping me get this sorted:))."
Hungry_Bandicoot8355
Trust in this issue is paramount and it feels like it's always the one thing lacking most.
The Other Person
sharon stone GIFGiphy"Say its not for me and if they want to go ahead then we have to end things. I was briefly the other person in an open marriage, after a few months it was difficult to know if the husband or myself was more miserable. Might work for some people but not for me."
rabbit_toe
My Person
"I’d say no, but I would want to sit and have several conversations about why they wanted that and how we can retool our relationship if that’s what’s needed. It could ultimately lead to an ending, but he’s my person - I’m not throwing that away when it could be salvaged."
pamplemouss
Happy with Me
"I would ask them why they suddenly want an open relationship after dating me for so long, and be honest with them. I would tell them that open relationships aren't something I'm comfortable with because I like monogamy. If they can't be happy with me in a monogamous relationship, then it would be over."
sunshinerose32
It broke me.
"Well I agreed, but only out of fear of losing her. It broke me. And I lost her anyway to a guy she met in a swinger club and who basically could be her father. Never again. Also everyone I know who did it learned the hard way shi* like this doesn’t work out in like 99 percent of cases."
NervousGarlic1
Issues
Which One Reaction GIF by AudibleGiphy"If that's what they want and nothing else would make them happy, break up. I don't have the mental health fortitude to deal with the anxiety and insecurity I know I would feel for not being enough."
HotCocoaBomb
Problems
"I had been in this situation two times. First time I was young and had no experience it was my first boyfriend and I had a lot of family problems so I was afraid of being alone. I accepted it and was a mistake. We broke up six months in to the 'Open relationship' deal and I was left feeling really empty. Funny how he got married with one of the girls he met in that period. He now is recently single after a nasty divorce. Domestic abuse, cheating, etc."
"About five years later a boyfriend tried to pull l the same one on me. I just ended things right away and saved myself from the pain. This guy is still single to date, and older than 40. So, I would stay away from any guy who wants an open relationship, especially if it started as monogamy and he wants to change the rules of game."
princess_akuna
issues First
"I've wondered if it would work for my partner and I at some different points, but obviously we'd need to work on fixing any serious issues in the relationship before really considering that. If we were in a healthy place in our relationship, we'd discuss the idea and what sort of boundaries we'd have, sit on it for a while to make sure it's something we wanted, and then proceed as we've decided after a particular amount of time. I've got some poly friends that have done it successfully for years, so I don't think it's impossible if you're going about it in a healthy way."
yerfdog1935
Dealbreaker
"Tell her to take her stuff and go. She can open up her sex life in her own space and without pretending that she's in a committed relationship. An 'open relationship' is a dealbreaker, and I won't have a relationship with a woman who indicates that might something she wants."
thatrightwinger
Hell No!
Fuck Outta Here No Way GIF by Desus & MeroGiphy"Break up, I’m a monogamous person, and the thought of anyone else sleeping with my SO turns my stomach. Nothing wrong with people who like open relationships, but it isn’t for me."
is_anyone-out_there
Good Luck
"Have a long, serious talk with them about why they want it, and what their plans for our future include. I'm actually all for polyamory so long as everyone involved is there for the right reasons and is being completely open and honest about it. Do keep in mind though that the vast majority of relationships that 'become' open, usually fail. It really is the type of thing you have to enter into from day one with everybody on the same page. Regardless of what you decide, I wish you the best of luck and hope you both end up happy."
robyngoodfello-
Zero Respect
"I agreed, tried it out but realized that 1). it wasn't for me and 2). I was secretly just hoping he'd f**k off and leave me for someone else. So eventually I worked up to breaking up with him and life's been great since. I had pretty much zero respect left for that guy by the time the relationship breathed its last."
munkymu
Truth Tellers
"I've been in one before. Another man and a woman. So long as all parties are honest, have their boundaries set and respected, and we're participating clean and safe, it's a good time. Communication is key."
Surprise_Corgi
"It's a good time. Is it sustainable? Is it like, if you want to have lots of sex in your life you maybe do poly. If you want to be career/family focused, you have finite resources you're working with?"
StupidImbecileSlayer
Sometimes you gotta go...
Will Ferrell Goodbye GIF by filmeditorGiphy"If it’s an open relationship or nothing at all, I’d bail. After establishing the communication, trust, and loyalty for all these years I just couldn’t switch to being open. Another reason - I don’t have the energy to be dating all over again. I wouldn’t even get the benefits of being open. I’d just rather be alone for a while."
failtos
Discussions
"I'd agree and see what happened. We haven't had sex in close to a year now anyway. Maybe id be able to find some idiot who might enjoy my company. The problem is we have discussed it and discussed it. I'm just not the kind of person who is going to be like 'we are married and I want sex so you have to do it even if you don't want to.'"
"After so long I've just gotten used to the idea that I take care of myself when she's not home and wait for the rare chance she's in the mood. I've given up on trying after being shut down so much and perhaps thats my fault as well. Meh. Enough complaints to the void today. Thanks."
Brilliant_Succotash1
Don't do it if you're not 100% sure everyone can handle it. Otherwise it's just a mess.
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Reddit user rigorousthinker asked:
"Which person who died too early in life had the most potential?"
Henry Mosely
"Henry Mosely, a British physicist."
"One of the greatest physicists of the 20th century. Developed Moseley's Law that helped to define the atomic number."
"The reason why nobody has heard of him is because he [was killed by] sniper at Gallipoli when he was 27 years old."
"Isaac Asimov wrote about him: 'in view of what [Moseley] might still have accomplished ... his death might well have been the most costly single death of the War to mankind generally'."
"He's the reason why countries keep their scientists and researchers from being drafted or allowed to fight anymore."
~ Vio_
GiphyÉvariste Galois
"I'd forward Évariste Galois."
"At the cutting edge of mathematics, as a teenager solved a centuries standing open problem, and created a field of mathematics which was so complex at the time that Galois' contemporaries were stymied and overlooked it's value."
"He was killed in a duel at the age of 20."
~ butts-kapinsky
Arthur Tudor
"I'm going historical. Prince Arthur Tudor. He died aged 15, leaving his younger brother Henry to become Henry VIII of England."
"Arthur was apparently more of a scholar than anything else, compared to his brother who was more into the idea of being a warrior king."
"Had Arthur survived and gone on to become King, then global history would have taken a very different turn."
~ c0_sm0
"Many of those priceless manuscripts existed nowhere outside of England because they were written in English. Back in the ninth century, the West Saxon king Alfred the Great had established an educational system where children learned to write their native language first before learning Latin."
"The Anglo-Saxon Chronicle is in English because of that. Beowulf was written down in English because of that. The Old English they spoke then is practically indecipherable now except to scholars, yet English is still the best documented secular language of the early Middle Ages."
"Only a tiny sliver of that literature survives. Mostly because Henry VIII had the rest of it burned."
~ doublestitch
GiphyThe Classics
"Amadeus Mozart.
"While he wasn't terribly young, I'd say his true potential life was cut in half. Imagine what music will never be or where it could have gone had he lived a longer life."
~ WhoFan
"35 IS terribly young. And throw Franz Schubert in this thread as well. Died at 31 and was writing some of the greatest music ever produced."
"Just for the final 2 movements of the Unfinished Symphony alone! Supposedly on his deathbed he said 'I have so much still to say'."
~ 8805
"And Chopin, too. Died age 39, was writing the greatest piano works ever."
~ BreadBoi-0
"Shout out to my boy Felix Mendelssohn, died at the age of 38. Wrote 4 amazing symphonies, the famous music for A Midsummer Night's Dream, and the greatest violin concerto in the repertoire."
"I'd give anything to see what he would have done with another 38 years."
~ Plug_5
Otis Redding
"Otis Redding."
"Based on his energy, the fact that after a short career with an amazing voice, he came back from surgery with a better one, recorded one of the great songs of the 20th century, and then immediately died."
~ TDOMW
"Otis is interesting to me. He died right before he was going to crossover to white audiences."
"What would Dock of the Bay sound like if he got to finish it and realize his vision (he had kind of a Pet Sounds vision for the full album)?"
"If he didn’t die, would soul have lost so much ground to funk in the 1970s?"
"And would Stax Records still be around and thriving, instead of closing in the mid-1970s?"
"All interesting questions."
~ ChocolateOrange21
GiphyAlan Turing
"Alan Turing—died for the worst f*cking reason and what happened to him was a travesty."
~ Far-Polaris
"Turing was prosecuted in 1952 for homosexual acts. He accepted hormone treatment with DES, a procedure commonly referred to as chemical castration, as an alternative to prison."
"Turing died on 7 June 1954, 16 days before his 42nd birthday, from cyanide poisoning. An inquest determined his death as a suicide."
~ DimesOHoolihan
"If you're unfamiliar with Turing and what he did for the world (and also the punishment he had to endure after the fact), I highly recommend watching The Imitation Game."
"It's a phenomenal movie, and Benedict Cumberbatch plays the role of Turing amazingly. It really drives home how extra terrible his death was, considering all of the good he did for the war effort."
"We likely would have lost the war (or struggled through it for a lot longer, and lost many more innocent lives) if not for him."
~ TenFoxxe
Roberto Clemente
"Roberto Clemente was going to be a great humanitarian and role model after he retired. Charity and helping the people of the Caribbean and Latin-America was really important to him and he spent almost all his free time doing charity work.
"He played 18 seasons for the Pittsburgh Pirates, 13 seasons as an All-Star, played in 15 All-Star games, 12 Gold Glove Awards."
"Clemente was the first Caribbean and first Latin-American player to be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. He was the first for many things in his career."
"MLB was only integrated for 8 years when Clemente started playing in 1955. What Jackie Robinson did for Black players, Clemente did for Caribbean and Latin-American players. Just think of all the MLB stars he paved the way for."
"The Roberto Clemente Award is given to the player who 'best exemplifies the game of baseball, sportsmanship, community involvement and the individual's contribution to his team'."
"His friends and teammates described him as a humble, kind man. He was 38 when he died in a plane crash delivering humanitarian aid to earthquake victims."
~ LakotaGrl
GiphyStevie Ray Vaughn
"Stevie Ray Vaughan."
"He really got his sh*t together and seemed to really be in a good place career wise and in his personal life."
~ 1-21_Jiggawatts
"Dude played the cleanest guitar I've ever heard. No missed notes or leaning on too much feedback or too many effects or anything."
~ loptopandbingo
Steve Irwin
"Steve Irwin—I believe his conservation work would have probably spilled over into environmental issues and he seemed passionate about doing good not just fame and money."
~ No_Character_5315
"He is my inspiration."
"I was in 6th grade when he died, and it took me some time to get here, but I currently have a degree in Forestry, Wildlife and Fisheries and I'm working on a second in Forestry conservation and restoration sciences."
"I'd like to think that one day I'll be able to make the world a slightly better place even if I'll never have the impact he did."
~ redwolf1219
"I think Robert and Bindi (and recently, Terri, too!) are doing great work to reach a modern audience with social media these days. Of course, nothing will ever be like The Crocodile Hunter ever again."
"That show was a gem of its time. I still grieve Steve when I watch their content, especially when they show clips of him. But it's so cool to watch his family carry on his legacy."
~ only_1_
GiphyJeff Buckley
"Within the sphere of music, I think Jeff Buckley is unquestionably the answer."
"'Grace' is an absolute tour de force of a debut and my easy pick for best album of the 1990’s. He was an almost indescribably incredible vocalist and fantastic young songwriter who likely would have only gotten better at his craft."
"It’s such a shame he never got to finish that second album because even what we have of it contains some gems and I’m sure the finished product would have been incredible."
~ dcrico20
Buddy Holly
"Buddy Holly. Of course, he already wrote some fantastic songs, but man would it be a treat to see his songwriting in the '60s!"
"Could end up being the same or he could have grown. But it's those what-ifs!"
~ DirtlessEye
"Buddy Holly was only 22 when he died. Lennon and McCartney had not peaked by that age, so who knows where he would have gone with his music."
"Buddy would have been 30 in the summer of 1967, the Summer of Love. Maybe he’d have been out playing in a toga in Golden Gate Park with shoulder length hair and granny glasses, protesting the war in Vietnam."
"Sadly, we’ll never know."
~ AtmosphereFull2017
GiphyDouglas Adams
"Douglas Adams."
"His ability to create the most absurd possible sentences and situations and make them as funny as they are... amazing writer."
~ shapiritowastaken
"The infinite improbability drive. The hyperspace bypass. The bowl of petunias. Really knowing where your towel is."
"So much happy silliness. Might just have to dig out my copy and read it again."
~ lurkerwholeapt
Martin Luther King Jr.
"Martin Luther King Jr. People remember him as some wise old man. He was 39 when he died."
~ FredTheLynx
"Martin Luther King Jr., Anne Frank, and Barbara Walters were all born in 1929."
~ miclugo
"It's actually crazy to think MLK could have feasibly lived past the 00's, even the 10's."
"Like, can you imagine THE Martin Luther King Jr weighing in on the 2016 election as an 85-year-old man?"
"What an alternate timeline that would be."
~ thattoneman
"Or if he lived to see Obama become President."
~ Currywurst_Is_Life
GiphyThomas Sankara
"Thomas Sankara was only 37 when he was assassinated."
"He brought through huge reforms in Burkina Faso in such a short space of time."
"He increased literacy massively and improved women's rights, also brought through vaccination programs and improved infrastructure."
"None of which was popular with the French."
~ shawbawzz
Jimi Hendrix
"Jimi Hendrix hadn't even reached his full potential when he died."
"Yet he is still regarded by many to be the best guitarist of all time."
"Imagine if he had lived."
~ CoatsBoi
"The man made sounds that no one had ever heard before in the history of humanity."
~ No_Net_1590
GiphyThe Good Doctor
"My husband. He was special to me yes, but he was important to his patients. We all know about the ER docs that are dismissive, condescending, and are just all around jerks. My husband, even at his most burnt out wasn’t like that. He was the type you pray you get."
"The one that will actually listen, who will figure out what’s going on. It didn’t matter if you were female, a POC, trans, or any combination. He was listening. He was going to treat your pain. He wasn’t going to send you home until he had an answer."
"I knew this about him, but it was confirmed by the patients that left messages on his obituary page. Sure he did the usual emergency med life saving things. But a car accident is easy. There’s no argument about whether or not a patient is hurt. It’s assumed something is wrong."
~ koolchicken
It was surprising just how young some of these people were when they died.
Who else do you think was gone too soon?
When American tourists travel abroad, they often find themselves startled if not downright perplexed by several international cuisines.
If haggis doesn't sound disgusting enough, they find themselves even more shocked by how awful it tastes.
What these very same tourists might not take into account, is that visitors from abroad are often equally baffled by several iconic American dishes.
And no, we're not just talking about the gargantuan portions.
Redditor Seraphicly329 was curious to hear all the American cuisines foreigners can't quite wrap their minds, let alone their tongues, around, leading them to ask:
"Non-Americans what American foods do you find unusual or odd?"
Can they Not Taste How The Root Beer Compliments The Ice Cream?
"Used to host a lot of non-American when they came here from Europe or Asia."
"Root beer floats baffles them every time!"
"Tastes just like their toothpaste and can’t understand how we enjoy it."- WhiskeyTangoFoxy
Say CHEESE!
"My friend from the Mediterranean said 'You Americans put cheese on everything'."
"'Cheese on eggs, cheese on meat, cheese on pasta, cheese on salad, cheese on BREAD, on FISH!!'"
"And you know, she's right."
"Love me a tuna melt."- WildAsTheyCome
Sweet And Salty
"I moved to the states years ago and the first time I saw chicken and waffles I was confused by this combo."-SmittenKitten0303
Chicken And Waffles Syrup GIF by F*CK, THAT'S DELICIOUSGiphyWhat Is So Offensive?!?!
"I had a Swedish friend who told me he wasn’t even willing to try mac and cheese because it sounded gross lol."- offbrandbarbie
"Kraft boxed Mac and cheese."
"I don't understand how something so processed can taste like the color yellow and yet be enjoyable but here we are."- RagePandazXD
An Aquired Taste, For Sure...
"I had a Portuguese boss once, and our team would often go out for lunch."
"Me, being a bit of a foodie/adventurous, would often recommend lunch spots."
"I decided for a change we should go to this restaurant that served nothing but PB&J sandwiches, with various twists like the Elvis - a warm sandwich with bananas and bacon slices, etc."
"He later recounted it as "'he worst lunch [he] had ever had", and thought I did it out of revenge'."- spaetzelspiff
Kevin Smith Celebs GIF by DiggGiphyFIrst Impressions Can Be Dangerous...
"Thought smashburgers would make the burger dry and juices ooze out."
"I had one from Shake Shack when I was in NYC."
"It was delicious and crispy and not dry at all."
"A bit salty but oh well."- teems
Most Cakes Don't Have A Shelf Life...
"Twinkies."- vali241
"Those are gross to most Americans over 15 years old too."
"Honestly, most snacky cakes."
"Maybe twice a year I'll get a wild craving for a Star Crunch or a Swiss Roll, but then I'll have one and remember why I rarely buy them."- Not_a_werecat
Carbs And Fat...
"If you've never eaten biscuits and gravy, you're missing out."
"If you've had it and say you don't like it, you've either eaten it at a bad restaurant or you have no soul."- Mother_Wash
GiphyOscar Wilde Was The One Who Said "Sugar Is No Longer Fashionable..."
"Unsweetened iced tea."
"Love it."- Quinocco
So Much For Southern Hospitality...
"Things my South African/British wife found weird."
"Scrapple, chicken and waffles, biscuits, sausage gravy, chicken fried steak, okra, Brunswick Stew, real BBQ (as opposed to grilling), grits, pickled pig feet, pork brains, Boudin sausage, pecan pie, Key Lime pie, boiled peanuts."
"If I think about it, a lot of Southern/Soul food."
"She was also unfamiliar with Mexican and TexMex other than those horrid Old El Paso hard shell taco kits."- Shuggy539
A Cute Alternative Word For "Scraps"...
"Many people are repulsed by scrapple."
"I have been enjoying it all my life, but I don't try to push it on anybody."- Warren_Puffitt
hungry pork GIF by Chipotle Mexican GrillGiphyIf You Know The Origins...
"I taught history for years and now I am a chef."
"So food history is a professional area, and a personal passion."
"I have also lived in my 40 years in three country's and 6 states, and I have been to 45 out of 50 states."
"Peanut Butter was invented for medical use and an easy way to get vitamins and nutrients into patients."
"Peanut butter and jelly became popular during world War 2 due to food rationing."
"Most Americans grow up on it, so for many of us its traditional."
"Chicken and waffles is from a subset of American Cuisine, Southern Cuisine."
"Most people outside the South dont get it either."
"Also, if the balance of the savory chicken and sweet waffle/syrup is off, it really is terrible, but if you get it right, it's delicious!"
"Most people outside the South have no idea how to cook grits, or even what they are."
"Many people in the South don't do it right either."
"Gravy in America is NOT the same as in the rest of the world."
"The gravy traditionally used in biscuits and gravy is even more different, and easy to screw up also."
"Southern Biscuits go best with this gravy, and Northern Biscuits and definitely SCONES are not the same as these Biscuits (the South uses a softer wheat to make flour)."
"Many American don't get spray cheese either."
"Combining savory and sweet is not just an American thing, but we do combine them a lot."
"Keep in mind we ARE a melting pot of cultures and different cultures can combine in odd ways, especially in food."
"As an American chef I always tell people to lay off a lot of canned or packaged items in stores because of the amount of salt and preservatives, and even sugars in them."
"I even mix and sell my own seasonings to my local community to help people with this."
"If your in a restaurant and find the food too salty, chances are part or all of it was prepackaged and not fresh."- zeljadis
Fast Food GIF by US National ArchivesGiphyAt the end of the day, one's taste in food is personal, and everyone reserves the right to like and dislike whatever they want.
Even so: WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND DOESN'T LIKE MAC AND CHEESE?!?!?!