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People Break Down The Best Ways To Ask A Significant Other For An Open Relationship

People Break Down The Best Ways To Ask A Significant Other For An Open Relationship
stokpic/PIXABAY

Being in a romantic relationship can be hard work.

You're constantly navigating highs and lows.

There is so much compromise involved it can feel like political warfare.

And one of the main factors that keeps romance alive is the spice up.

You want to try to keep things from getting stale.

So that is when new sexual ideas emerge.

Often this is when secret fantasies come to light.

And a lot of the time... the requests don't go over so well.

Redditor MuchLoveWaffleGirlwanted to hear about how to navigate romantic requests of a partner. So they asked:

"What would you do if your SO asked you to have an open relationship?"

I tried open. Didn't really. Could be because I'm a jealous loon. Maybe.

Uh No.

Super Bowl Ok GIF by PepsiGiphy

"I was asked. I said no. Things carried on as normal for a few months. Then I found out that the reason she asked was because she was cheating on me. Bye *itch."

swingrider

Not for everyone...

"Related to someone that has been married for like 18 years now with an open marriage. Not for everyone, but they seemed to have found some way to balance it that works for them. I don’t have details on how they made it work, because I don’t really want to know, but it seemed to be from the start more or less."

vercertorix

blindsided...

"My ex brought it up once, we were a bit wine drunk so I thought it was just a one off fun chat. A while later she mentions how we’re still very young and she’s not sure what comes next, getting married and then that’s it? But life rolled on and we moved and lived together etc."

"In January she tells me she wants to break up. At the time I was blindsided, but looking back now it’s so clear what she was hinting at. I don’t have a problem, I get it, I wish her well, but I sure wish I hadn’t been strung along for two years before that point."

Newbarbarian13

Dumped

"I actually said yes, and it killed the relationship very quickly. It was not that much of a stretch for us. We would participate in group scenes but we always came as a pair. There were never any issues, and it even brought us closer together. We were able to flirt as a team and explore our sexualities."

"There was never any jealousy. But when she requested we open it up, she also started ignoring our explicit, agreed-upon terms. More than any physical act, that felt like cheating. And when I spoke up about it, I got dumped."

partywalrusXL

Rocks

Living Single Goodbye GIFGiphy

"Mine asked me 7 months ago and I stupidly accepted (I’m monogamous still) and it hurts, even on the best days I think about it. I’ve told him how I felt about it, but he said he loves the other person too much to end it. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years, and it hit like a rock."

"Edit: I’ve discussed with my boyfriend again how awful it feels and what you guys have said and I am happy to say that he is going to break up with the other person. He said it’s going to take sometime but as soon as he can he will! Thank you all so very much for your input and helping me get this sorted:))."

Hungry_Bandicoot8355

Trust in this issue is paramount and it feels like it's always the one thing lacking most.

The Other Person

sharon stone GIFGiphy

"Say its not for me and if they want to go ahead then we have to end things. I was briefly the other person in an open marriage, after a few months it was difficult to know if the husband or myself was more miserable. Might work for some people but not for me."

rabbit_toe

My Person

"I’d say no, but I would want to sit and have several conversations about why they wanted that and how we can retool our relationship if that’s what’s needed. It could ultimately lead to an ending, but he’s my person - I’m not throwing that away when it could be salvaged."

pamplemouss

Happy with Me

"I would ask them why they suddenly want an open relationship after dating me for so long, and be honest with them. I would tell them that open relationships aren't something I'm comfortable with because I like monogamy. If they can't be happy with me in a monogamous relationship, then it would be over."

sunshinerose32

It broke me.

"Well I agreed, but only out of fear of losing her. It broke me. And I lost her anyway to a guy she met in a swinger club and who basically could be her father. Never again. Also everyone I know who did it learned the hard way shi* like this doesn’t work out in like 99 percent of cases."

NervousGarlic1

Issues

Which One Reaction GIF by AudibleGiphy

"If that's what they want and nothing else would make them happy, break up. I don't have the mental health fortitude to deal with the anxiety and insecurity I know I would feel for not being enough."

HotCocoaBomb

Problems

"I had been in this situation two times. First time I was young and had no experience it was my first boyfriend and I had a lot of family problems so I was afraid of being alone. I accepted it and was a mistake. We broke up six months in to the 'Open relationship' deal and I was left feeling really empty. Funny how he got married with one of the girls he met in that period. He now is recently single after a nasty divorce. Domestic abuse, cheating, etc."

"About five years later a boyfriend tried to pull l the same one on me. I just ended things right away and saved myself from the pain. This guy is still single to date, and older than 40. So, I would stay away from any guy who wants an open relationship, especially if it started as monogamy and he wants to change the rules of game."

princess_akuna

issues First

"I've wondered if it would work for my partner and I at some different points, but obviously we'd need to work on fixing any serious issues in the relationship before really considering that. If we were in a healthy place in our relationship, we'd discuss the idea and what sort of boundaries we'd have, sit on it for a while to make sure it's something we wanted, and then proceed as we've decided after a particular amount of time. I've got some poly friends that have done it successfully for years, so I don't think it's impossible if you're going about it in a healthy way."

yerfdog1935

Dealbreaker

"Tell her to take her stuff and go. She can open up her sex life in her own space and without pretending that she's in a committed relationship. An 'open relationship' is a dealbreaker, and I won't have a relationship with a woman who indicates that might something she wants."

thatrightwinger

Hell No!

Fuck Outta Here No Way GIF by Desus & MeroGiphy

"Break up, I’m a monogamous person, and the thought of anyone else sleeping with my SO turns my stomach. Nothing wrong with people who like open relationships, but it isn’t for me."

is_anyone-out_there

Good Luck

"Have a long, serious talk with them about why they want it, and what their plans for our future include. I'm actually all for polyamory so long as everyone involved is there for the right reasons and is being completely open and honest about it. Do keep in mind though that the vast majority of relationships that 'become' open, usually fail. It really is the type of thing you have to enter into from day one with everybody on the same page. Regardless of what you decide, I wish you the best of luck and hope you both end up happy."

robyngoodfello-

Zero Respect

"I agreed, tried it out but realized that 1). it wasn't for me and 2). I was secretly just hoping he'd f**k off and leave me for someone else. So eventually I worked up to breaking up with him and life's been great since. I had pretty much zero respect left for that guy by the time the relationship breathed its last."

munkymu

Truth Tellers

"I've been in one before. Another man and a woman. So long as all parties are honest, have their boundaries set and respected, and we're participating clean and safe, it's a good time. Communication is key."

Surprise_Corgi

"It's a good time. Is it sustainable? Is it like, if you want to have lots of sex in your life you maybe do poly. If you want to be career/family focused, you have finite resources you're working with?"

StupidImbecileSlayer

Sometimes you gotta go...

Will Ferrell Goodbye GIF by filmeditorGiphy

"If it’s an open relationship or nothing at all, I’d bail. After establishing the communication, trust, and loyalty for all these years I just couldn’t switch to being open. Another reason - I don’t have the energy to be dating all over again. I wouldn’t even get the benefits of being open. I’d just rather be alone for a while."

failtos

Discussions

"I'd agree and see what happened. We haven't had sex in close to a year now anyway. Maybe id be able to find some idiot who might enjoy my company. The problem is we have discussed it and discussed it. I'm just not the kind of person who is going to be like 'we are married and I want sex so you have to do it even if you don't want to.'"

"After so long I've just gotten used to the idea that I take care of myself when she's not home and wait for the rare chance she's in the mood. I've given up on trying after being shut down so much and perhaps thats my fault as well. Meh. Enough complaints to the void today. Thanks."

Brilliant_Succotash1

Don't do it if you're not 100% sure everyone can handle it. Otherwise it's just a mess.

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Anything and everything can change in an instant.

That person you look at so lovingly for hours on end can one day turn into a troll in your eyes.

They might stand in front of the fridge, wasting cool air while trying to figure out a snack.

(Like, how hard is that to decide?)

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They could have night terrors that shake the walls.

All grounds for dismissal for some folks.

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Haunting Facts About History's Greatest Tragedies
Photo by Fachy Marín on Unsplash

Natural disasters, events gone terribly wrong, and legendary mistakes: The world is full of tragedies, and not just the kind you find in Shakespeare's plays. Here is a curated collection of facts about some of the greatest and most notable tragedies in history.

1. Drinking the Kool-Aid

In 1978, over 900 members of the People’s Temple Agricultural Project, led by Jim Jones, drank powdered soft-drink mix combined with cyanide and prescription sedatives. While many regard Jonestown as mass suicide, most people don't know that the survivors revealed a dark truth: Those that drank the poison actually did so under duress.

2. Don’t Mess With Texas

The worst natural disaster in U.S. history was the Galveston hurricane, also known as the Great Storm of 1900. This Category 4 storm hit land in Texas with winds measuring up to 145 miles per hour, resulting in an estimated 6,000 to 12,000 casualties.

3. What’s in a Name

typhoonPhoto by NASA on Unsplash

Recent hurricanes to ravage the Caribbean went by the names Harvey, Irma, and Martha. But until 1947, hurricanes and tropical storms did not have official names. That year, the U.S. Air Force started naming them after the phonetic alphabet the military uses to spell out words over the radio. They weren’t consistently given people’s names until the 1950s.

4. No Hurricane Juniors

In the case of a particularly damaging storm, a hurricane’s name is retired indefinitely.

5. Trouble at Sea

The sinking of the USS Indianapolis in 1945 resulted in the largest loss of life at sea from a single ship in the history of the US Navy. The ship was torpedoed by a Japanese submarine during World War II and sank in twelve minutes. Only 317 of the 1,196 crewmen aboard survived.

6. Sugar Rush

beige concrete building under blue sky during daytimePhoto by chris robert on Unsplash

The “panic bar” is the device that allows you to open a door by pushing on a bar. It was invented after an incident at Victoria Hall concert venue in England in 1883. 183 children were lost in a stampede caused by boys and girls who rushed to get the gifts and treats being handed out by performers onstage.

The children who rushed to the door were unable to open the bolt, and many were crushed.

7. A Rough Night at the Theater

The worst incident in a theater, though, was the Iroquois Theatre fire in Chicago in 1903. More than 600 people lost their lives, in part because there were no exit signs and no emergency lighting. Other tragic factors that increased the casualties were ornamental doors that looked like exits (but weren’t), and stairways that were blocked with iron gates during performances to keep people with cheap tickets from taking more expensive seats.

8. Illegal in Ireland

Irish folk singer Christy Moore was found in contempt of court in 1985 for his song “They Never Came Home,” about the victims of a fire at the Stardust nightclub in Dublin. Because the song implied that the nightclub owners and the government were responsible, the song was banned and removed from Moore’s album. The song’s lyrics are still banned in Ireland as libelous.

9. (Un)Happy Land

white buildingPhoto by Matthew LeJune on Unsplash

The Happy Land fire might have the most ironic name in the history of mass casualties. This fire claimed 87 people at the unlicensed Bronx nightclub in 1990 when Julio González set the building on fire after a fight with his ex-girlfriend, who worked coat-check at the club.

10. It Went Over Like a Lead Balloon

The most people ever lost in a balloon accident was 19, when a hot air balloon caught fire over Luxor, Egypt in 2013. The passengers were all tourists on a sight-seeing trip. Along with the pilot, a single passenger survived the incident.

11. A Rough Couple of Years

The period between 1850 and 1873 in modern-day China saw some of the highest mortality ever recorded. Between imperialist expansion, the Opium Wars, and the Taiping Rebellion, the population dropped by more than 60 million.

12. You Thought the Snowpocalyspe Was Bad

File:Mount Tambora Volcano, Sumbawa Island, Indonesia.jpg ...commons.wikimedia.org

1816 was known as the Year Without a Summer. The eruption of a volcano at Mount Tambora caused a volcanic winter, and snow fell in June. Severe weather across North America, Europe, and Asia caused famine and flooding, which resulted in food riots and disease outbreaks. Fatality rates were twice as high as in other years.

13. Bad Weather Makes Good Monsters

The Year Without a Summer, however, helped to invent some of our most significant modern monsters. A group of writers including Percy Shelley, Mary Wollstonecraft (later Shelley), and Lord Byron had to stay inside during their trip to Lake Geneva because of the bad weather, and they passed the time with a story-telling contest. This was where Mary Shelley started her novel Frankenstein. Another staycationer, John Polidori, began work on The Vampyre, which eventually inspired Bram Stoker to write Dracula.

14. Armed Forces

White Arkansas men hanged up to 237 black sharecroppers in the 1919 Elaine massacre, the worst racial conflict in US history. U.S. troops claimed the lives anywhere from 60 to 200 Pomo men, women, and children at Bloody Island in 1850; and up to 300 Lakota at the Battle of Wounded Knee in 1890.

15. A Streetcar Named Disaster

File:Ninth Avenue station from Manhattan-bound platform, September ...commons.wikimedia.org

The worst subway accident in New York City history happened in 1905, when an aboveground train turned too quickly, jumped the track, and fell onto Ninth Avenue. 13 people lost their lives. The accident happened, eerily, on September 11th.

16. Mother Nature’s Worst Day

The most lives ever lost in a natural disaster may be the Shaanxi earthquake in 1556, in modern-day China, which claimed approximately 830,000 people.

17. Can You Say La Grippe

The “Spanish Flu” was the name given to an 1918 influenza pandemic that cost 500 million people their lives around the world. The name comes from the fact that, while wartime censors suppressed news of the pandemic in the US, the UK, France, and Germany, the press in Spain was free to report on the tragedy. This gave the world a false impression that Spain was hardest hit by the flu—and the name stuck.

18. Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

Big Ben towerPhoto by Luke Stackpoole on Unsplash

Since the 1200s, London has had problems with air quality, but in 1952, a severe air-pollution event called the Great Smog of London blanketed the city with yellow-black smoke for four days, making it hard to see more than a few feet. The city nearly shut down, and the smog resulted in up to 12,000 lost lives from lung and respiratory tract infections.

19. Not Just a Cherry Poppin’ Daddies Song

While the 1997 neo-swing single is a fun dance tune, the original Zoot Suit Riots were less light-hearted. The series of attacks on Mexican-American teenagers by white servicemen stationed in Los Angeles in 1943 was ostensibly sparked by the fact that the young men’s flashy suits flaunted wartime fabric rationing, but there were also racial motivations.

20. Just the Hali-Facts

The Halifax Explosion of 1917 occurred when a cargo ship carrying explosives collided with another ship in Halifax Harbour, killing 2,000 people and injuring 9,000. It was the largest man-made explosion prior to the development of nuclear weapons, and the standard by which large blasts were measured for many years.

21. Lucky Number Seven

trees beside brown concrete buildingPhoto by Rap Dela Rea on Unsplash

Time magazine reported on the atomic bombing of Hiroshima in 1945 by saying that the bomb’s power was equivalent to seven times the Halifax Explosion.

22. Our Daily Bread

A famine in Malta in 1823 became even more tragic when 110 hungry boys who went to the Convent of the Minori Osservanti to get free bread on the last day of Carnival celebrations fell down a flight of stairs and were crushed.

23. The Luckiest Unlucky Man

Clifford Johnson was injured at the worst nightclub fire in history, at the famous Cocoanut Grove in 1942. He suffered third-degree burns over more than half his body but survived, and was seen as a medical marvel. After hundreds of operations and nearly two years in the hospital, he married his nurse. In an ironic twist of fate, he lost his life in a fiery car crash in 1958.

24. Flamin’ Hot Sportsball

cloud gate in city during daytimePhoto by Christopher Alvarenga on Unsplash

Sports teams at the University of Illinois at Chicago are nicknamed the Flames, to commemorate the infamous Great Chicago Fire.

25. Dam Unfortunate

The failure of the Banqiao and Shimantan Dams in China in 1975 caused 171,000 casualties—the largest dam-related disaster in history.

26. Whoops

In 1871, a lawyer named Clement Vallandigham accidentally shot himself while defending a murder suspect. He was trying to demonstrate that the murder victim could have accidentally shot himself. The client was acquitted, but the lawyer didn't survive.

27. The Beheaded Man’s Revenge

a close up of a man with a beard and blue eyesPhoto by shahin khalaji on Unsplash

A ninth-century Norse earl named Sigurd the Mighty was slain by an enemy he had beheaded hours earlier. He tied the severed head to his horse’s saddle, but on the ride home the man’s tooth scratched his leg, and the succumbed to the resulting infection.

28. But Not the Last

The robot fatality was Robert Williams, in 1979. The Ford assembly-line worker was hit in the head by a robot’s arm.

29. Dancing in the Dark

400 people in Strasbourg, France were struck by dance madness in the summer of 1518. They were compelled to dance for about a month for no clear reason. Several danced themselves until their hearts stopped.

30. Hands Off

Queen Sunanda Kumariratana of Siam (now Thailand) drowned when her boat capsized in 1880. Many witnesses stood by, unable to help, because it was a capital offense to touch the queen. Some boatmen did eventually jump in to try and save her, but it was too late.

31. Lager Than Life

Eight people drowned in the London Beer Flood of 1814 when a massive vat of fermenting beer burst, filling the streets with over 1,000,000 imperial pints’ worth of beer.

32. High Expectations

An Austrian named Franz Reichelt invented a parachute in 1912 and tested it himself by jumping off the Eiffel Tower. The invention didn’t work. He didn't get the chance to go back to the drawing board.

33. White Light White Heat

Basilica San Nazaro in Brolo @ Milan | Guilhem Vellut | Flickrwww.flickr.com

In 1769, lighting struck the tower of the Church of the San Nazaro in Italy, where 207,000 pounds of gunpowder had been stored. The resulting fire claimed 3,000 people and destroyed one-sixth of the city.

34. The Fall of the King

King Albert of Belgium disappeared while rock climbing in 1934. His body was found, but it wasn’t until 2016 that DNA evidence proved that his injuries were caused by a fall, putting to bed the conspiracy theories that had existed for decades.

35. A Disarming Crew

Among the people who wrestled the gun away from presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy’s assassin in 1968 were writer George Plimpton, Olympic gold medal decathlete Rafer Johnson, and former New York Giant Rosey Grier.

36. Aftermath in Ohio

Kent State University - May 4th Memorial: Prentice Parking… | Flickrwww.flickr.com

Immediately following the shootings at Kent State University in 1970, when the National Guard fired and slew four anti-war protestors, 900 university campuses had to be closed due to protests. 100,000 people rioted in Washington, DC, President Nixon was evacuated to Camp David, and the 82nd Airborne was deployed to protect the White House.

37. Unlikely Advocate

When the British soldiers who shot colonists in the Boston Massacre during the American Revolution were tried in court, their lawyer was none other than John Adams, founding father and future president. After being convinced by the court to take the case, Adams persuaded the jury that the soldiers had feared for their lives, reducing the charge to manslaughter.

38. In Your Heeeeeead

The Cranberries song “Zombie” was written in memoriam for two young boys who lost their lives in a 1993 bombing by the Irish Republican Army in Warrington, England.

39. It Actually Is Rocket Science

January 28, 1986 – Space Shuttle Challengerwww.history.navy.mil

Designers of the parts for the Challenger space shuttle, which exploded in 1986, warned that the shuttle shouldn’t have been launched because a seal could come loose in cold weather. NASA officials disregarded the warning, with one asking, "When do you want me to launch—next April?"

40. Survivor

Imagine the odds of being struck by lightning twice. Pretty rare. I'm sure if that happened to you, you'd think you must have been cursed by some sort of vindictive witch.

So imagine the confusion and suffering of Tsutomu Yamaguchi, a Japanese man who survived the bombing of Hiroshima...only to move to Nagasaki immediately after.

The torment he must have experienced is beyond belief.

41. Situation Twenty-One

At the Munich Olympic Games in 1972, a group of armed Palestinians broke into the apartment of Israeli athletes, killing two and taking the rest hostage. The Palestinians then demanded the release of 236 prisoners and a plane to fly them to Cairo.

Nearly every detail of this scenario had been foreseen by police psychologist Georg Sieber, who the German government had tasked with coming up with possible Olympic disaster scenarios. Sieber had 26 scenarios; the 1972 events were Situation Twenty-One.

42. He Should Have Accepted the Offer

Google signPhoto by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash

In 1999, the founders of Google approached Excite CEO George Bell, offering to sell him the search engine for $1 million. When Bell refused, they lowered the price to $750,000, which he also rejected. Today, Google is valued at $365 billion.

43. We’ll Pass

In 2009, Facebook turned down a pair of programmers for jobs. No big deal, right? Must happen all the time at FB HQ....

A few years later, though, the pair developed WhatsApp. Facebook subsequently purchased that venture for a cool $19 billion.

44. Trains Were Too Wide

The French state railway SNCF spent $15 billion on a new fleet of trains, but unfortunately, they were the wrong size, and were too wide for their 1300 platforms. The mistake cost them an estimated $50 million to correct.

45. A Case of Bad Timing

File:Napoleon at Fontainebleau, 31 March 1814 (by Hippolyte Paul ...commons.wikimedia.org

Just over 200 years ago, Napoleon’s army attempted to invade Russia.

Whoops.

A combination of factors spelled doom for the invasion. There wasn't nearly enough food for the soldiers and horses. Poor discipline was rampant in the ranks. And, of course, none of the men were prepared for the unimaginable brutality of a full Russian winter.

It was a devastating failure. Napoleon lost 500,000 troops.

46. A Flaw in the Design

On 26th April 1986, engineers at the V.I. Lenin Nuclear Power Station, a Soviet facility, were testing a new cooling system designed to reduce the risk of a meltdown. Their test caused a meltdown, and the resulting explosion destroyed Chernobyl’s reactor 4.

The Chernobyl Forum predicts that the eventual toll could reach 4,000 among those exposed to the highest levels of radiation. That said, what many people don't know is that the plant actually remained a fully-functioning power plant for years after the disaster.

The disaster destroyed reactor 4, but reactors 1-3 remained open for business. Due to high levels of radiation, plant employees could no longer live beside the facility, but many continued to commute to work to supply power in Europe. The final reactor only ceased operating in 2000.

47. Gambled and Lost

The Spanish telecom company Terra took a gamble when they purchased the search engine Lycos in 2000 for almost $12 billion. At the time, Lycos was the third most visited site in America... but that was before dot.com bubble burst. In just about a year, most internet companies in America lost millions in value. And Lycos was perhaps the biggest loser.

Terra would eventually sell the search engine in 2004 for just $95.4 million. That's an astonishing loss of $11.6 billion dollars on their investment.

48. Don’t Drink and Steer

The Exxon Valdez, 25 Years After — FBIwww.fbi.gov

In 1989, an Exxon oil tanker was headed to California when it ran aground on the Bligh Reef off the Alaskan coast. The tanker spilled around 760,000 barrels of oil into the water, and the captain was later accused of being drunk at the time of the accident. He was convicted of negligent discharge of oil.

49. The Worst Nuclear Accident in U.S. History

The nuclear meltdown at Three Mile Island in March of 1979 was the result of mechanical failures that were made worse by poor training and oversights in the human-computer interaction design. It was the most significant nuclear disaster in U.S. commercial nuclear power plant history.

There are conflicting reports on the cost of the disaster, with some sources stating that the radiation exposure wasn't significant enough to result in additional cancer fatalities, while others insist that thousands more have been observed.

50. Loss of Cultural Knowledge

The Great Library of Alexandria was one of the largest and most significant libraries of the ancient world, and was dedicated to the Muses—the 9 goddesses of the Arts.

The burning of the library resulted in an irreplaceable loss of knowledge and literature.

Couple sitting together on bench
Photo by Nong on Unsplash

Dating can be hard, but ultimately, we all know some things we want and what would make us feel happy and fulfilled in a relationship.

Fortunately, just like the red flags we might see in a relationship, there are green flags that can point us in the right direction, too.

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We've all had our clumsy moments and ended up with some cuts, bruises, or bumped elbows.

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