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People Break Down The Best Tips For Starting Over Fresh In A New City

People Break Down The Best Tips For Starting Over Fresh In A New City
Image by Fernando González from Pixabay

Although moving to a new city can be like an injection of adrenaline, it is extremely intidmidating.


When I first moved to New York by way of LA, I was terrified. I've never been to the Big Apple, ever. I also didn't know a soul who lived there.

Relying on the internet for navigation and Googling was still a concept in its infancy. I somehow managed to survive only because I threw myself fully into the situation to get acquainted with my surroundings.

One thing I learned is that fear is paralyzing and I adapted quickly because I chose to thrive in the face of anxiety.

Curious to hear opinions from strangers on the internet, Redditor cheaganvegan asked:

"People that have restarted in a new city, what are your tips?"

Tips Upon Arrival

First things first, get your bearings by becoming familiar with the new area. You can Google about the city until the cow's come home but it won't compare to physically throwing yourself into the experience of assimilation.

Surroundings

"I started over in a new city in 2019."

"If possible, visit the city first. I saved myself a lot of grief by visiting first and knowing the general area. If you can't visit, check out google maps."

"Find a job before you move if possible. I found a job with a chain that had a location in the new city. I didn't need to be retrained, so that was one less thing to stress about. The job was the same. I set it up so I had two weeks before I had to start so I could unpack and get settled."

"When you pack, get rid of a bunch of stuff. Have the essentials, like a change of clothes, toiletries, small appliances, and food ready to unpack the first day you arrive. You will be so tired and not want to dig for stuff. Bring a small pack of toilet paper and hand soap for the new place. Try to have at least a pot and a pan, some rubber scrapers, and plates if you can. I'd also pack blankets someplace easy to get out so you can just curl up and sleep if you need. Moving is STRESSFUL, so you want all the stuff you need easy to get to before you unpack entirely."

"LOCATE THE GROCERY STORE. Also find some local restaurants for those first few days."

"Don't forget to set up your utilities the first day. That's a must."

"Find a club if you didn't move with a buddy. Get out your first weekend and go see the sights. Get used to your new environment. The first few weeks just kinda suck, so try to get some good stuff in there. If you can, try to find a club or two or activities/hobbies before you move. Something to look forward to and one less thing to stress about."

"When you first get there, pick a landmark that's visible from most of the city or your neighborhood. A building, monument, etc. When you're learning to navigate that first month or two, that will help you. Make sure you can get home from and get to the landmark. That way, if you ever get lost, just head toward it and then you can get home. Eliminates some panic and stress. This was one of the most helpful things I did when I moved."

"EDIT: Awards, thank you! I'm glad my advice is helpful to people. Moving, even to someplace you really want to go, is stressful. Anything to make it better is great in my book!"

WanderingWoodwind

Getting Acquainted

"Get to know your immediate neighborhood. My family and I moved last year from the US south to the PNW. I went through a period of feeling very homesick and disconnected to my surroundings. I changed my mood by really making my neighborhood my own."

"I started talking and becoming friendly with the people nearby that I come into contact with on a regular basis like my pharmacist, barista, crossing guard, etc. I get out everyday and go run in my local park and it helps me to feel connected to where I'm at. I try to look around and remind myself that this is my home. I think this all sounds goofy but it helped a lot."

Snozzberry123

Start Detaching

"Don't get attached to the physical address of the place you call home. Get attached to smaller things inside your home - like a pillow that's has travelled around with you, or a coffee cup that you painted."

"Over the years, a reverse trend will happen which IMO is more meaningful. You will remember where you painted the cup and where you bought the pillow. So in a way you remember all the good stuff - both the address and associated events."

Prestigious_Tax_2743

There's More To Explore

"I moved from one part of my city to another, about 20 miles away. Same freeways. Same major streets. But every day for the first month I took a different way to/from home. And I took note of the things I saw: places to shop, eat, drink, the nearest auto parts and tire shops, roads that seemed cyclist friendly, paths that would be nice to walk/run/hike, etc. explore!"

"I’m still discovering new things: five years later."

jhairehmyah

Psychological Tips

Changing locations is also a reflection of your metamorphosis. Finding a new you and evolving as a resident of a new city can be helpful overcoming culture shock.

Embrace The New City

"Don't try to change the city you now live in into the city you just left."

WEareINdanger

Change Habits

"Nobody knows you, so you can try to change some habits. I was too shy to talk to people and usually just waited for them to approach me, but when I moved I started talking to people first, it was hard but I'm glad I tried. Changed my eating habits too. Think what kind of a person you wanna be and just try it, see how close you can get."

cherrynina77

Comfortable With Me

"The one thing that really surprised me was the fact that I didn't love the new city immediately. It was bigger than I was used to, more expensive, and the job had such higher expectations than my last, same exact job."

"It all took some getting used to, and that took longer than I thought it would. But I loved exploring little hills and out of the way parks, and one day it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was so in love with this new place; I couldn't imagine ever living anywhere else."

"Well, of course, now I do, but my love affair lasted a long time. But I think it's a place for younger people, a place to explore and find your way around the city and find yourself."

"Others have made some really good suggestions, but I think I had to be more comfortable with me before I could be comfortable in a new place."

readerf52

Embrace Opportunity

"Try to be a yes person for the first 6-8 weeks. Any time someone asks you do do something or go somewhere (within safety and financial reason) say yes. Even if you don't really care for that activity or type of food or whatever, say yes and go. It will help you meet people outside of your immediate circle, and once you have seen people socially a couple of times, you can figure out who you are interested in spending more time with and asking them to hang out is less awkward. Just remember, every event isn't going to be the most fun you ever had. It's okay to have just a nice time, because that's laying the ground work for those really fun nights ."

pineapplelollipop

Have An Open Mind

"Saying yes to things, and especially new things, is a good life philosophy in general. If you go and end up hating it, well at least you tried it and you'll know for next time. If you go and end up loving it, awesome! You found a new thing you like."

"For me, I had been having feelings of exclusion from my social group, but I realized I was kind of excluding myself by not being present or actively engaging with people. All types of relationships take work and one of the best ways to make and keep strong relationships with people is by saying yes when they invite you to do things. When you say yes to things, you're giving yourself opportunities to make memories, get cool experiences, and bond with people."

– zzaannsebar

New City Culture

"Don't try to find what you had at home. Don't do what I did going from San Antonio to Seattle. In SA I was an avid Spurs fan (still am.), but nobody wanted to bond about basketball because they are still salty about the former Seattle SuperSonics turned OKC Thunder. Open yourself up to the new culture, I opened myself up to the love of Football- wasn't a Hawks fan but adored their fandom. Learned to love soccer, which wasn't a thing in San Antonio, and became a Sounders fan. Sports aside, don't try to find what you had at home. Open yourself up to the culture that your new city will bring to you."

"Another example: in Texas we thrived on being outdoors. Seattle thrived on that only 3 months of the year. The other months? I learned to love comedy clubs, theater, casinos, and more."

AubergineQueenB

Tips On Relationships With New Locals

Sometimes, making friends can help make you feel less like a stranger. Just hold off on immediately dating.

Dating

"Do not start a relationship with someone who you met on tinder because you didn't want to be alone in a new city and then let the relationship spin out of control and turn out that she's kinda insane and very manipulative and then your first 9 months in London are sh*t and now a whole borough of London is ruined for you by memories of an abusive ex."

"Also, find a coffee shop you like that opens late. Nothing like getting some work done while drinking coffee on a rainy night."

kingoftheforgotten

Find Your Community

"try to find some kind of social group that pertains to your interests. it's easier in college, that's what i did and there were plenty to chose from. but there are often plenty of groups for non students if you look around on social media for advertising and stuff. things like volunteer work or local activist type groups can be easier options to look for."

"that's how i started making friends."

ceb5585

Choosing Groups

"I'm in my forth country in 13ish years. The younger you are the easier it is, especially if you can find a community. I also don't have kids so that's a huge blocker / introducer if you do."

"But basically, as above, find a group. Note almost all organised groups have more drama than you'd have thought possible, so choose wisely."

Previous-Task

Longterm Perspective

"You don't even have to stick with the organized groups long term, just harvest them for friends."

"I started with a couple board games groups when I moved to Seattle. I don't even really like board games that much, but I get along with people who do, so I stuck with the groups until I had a solid group of friends then dipped."

GrinningPariah

Go Where Everybody Will Know Your Name

"Trivia bars. Or activity night style bars. As much as you might hate it, some of them will be like 'Hey, we need a team over here. Any individuals?' and help you guys join almost like a project in school."

"Keep coming back to the bars and you'll either make friends with the team trivia members, or the people who host it/bartenders."

"Find places you like and return to it and eventually you'll meet regulars there who will recognize you."

"It's gonna take a bit of time."

CaedustheBaedus

A common tip from Redditors was to find your community. A sense of loneliness can be unbearable.

I moved to New York on December 23 and I stayed in a tiny studio in Midtown from a friend who happened to be visiting LA at the same time.

So, the only person I knew in the city wasn't even there to help me get my bearings. It snowed the next day on Christmas Eve. I never felt more vulnerable and alone.

But I took the opportunity to avoid succumbing to despair. I walked out in the snow and went to a coffee shop, struck up a conversation with the waitress, and established a connection with the locals.

In that moment I knew that if I can make it there – getting over my social anxieties inside a dingy old school coffee shop – I can make it anywhere.

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Things That Were Way More Expensive Than People Anticipated

"Reddit user Jarvis_Strife asked: 'What turned out to be A LOT more expensive than you anticipated?'"

It feels like everything under the sun is expensive these days.

So maybe when we look at price tags, we're just having a little financial PTSD.

Some items and services that were once doable have turned into a years-long savings plan.

Like where do the cable and internet people get these price points?

Especially for their "services."

Please.

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ramen in white bowl

Mae Mu on Unsplash

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For some it's a matter of money management, but for most it's the lack of a living wage for many jobs. Add a poor social safety net and poverty is always a footstep away.

Let's face it—many people have lived with a zero balance in their bank account and bills to pay and empty cupboards.

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With the elaborate costs of the wedding industry, starting with the engagement ring and going all the way up through the honeymoon and anniversary plans, there are those who will spend all the money and those who will look for savings.

While getting married is absolutely worth spending the money on, how much money is spent is not necessarily reflected of how much the two people love each other, either. It's all up to the couple!

Redditor ClassicJogging asked:

"Married people of Reddit, what made you decide to get the engagement ring you did, and how much was it?"

A Special Bond

"My grandmother pulled me aside five minutes after meeting my now wife, then girlfriend, for the first time, that she really loved her and she would fit right into our family. They had a REALLY good bond for a couple of years before my grandmother passed."

"Her last wish was that I use her engagement ring from 1945 (my grandfather proposed the day the Germans left Norway) when I asked for marriage. I did, she said yes, and we have been happily married for a good few years now."

- Panzerpython

Perfectly Vintage

"I was asked if I wanted a ring... and I surprised myself by saying that I did even though I'm not a jewelry person."

"So we went shopping and I hated all the jewelry store rings. We decided to check out antique stores and we found a cool-looking '50s vintage diamond ring with an illusion setting (makes tiny stone look bigger). It fit. It was $300. It was perfect."

- RitaTome

Recreated Art

"I love vintage rings, specifically art deco style, and had a whole Pinterest board of ones I loved. But it turns out I have giant fingers and most vintage rings are much smaller. Yes, you can size up, but only by so much."

"So my now husband surprised me by getting a ring custom-made in the same style. I adore it and get so many compliments."

- angeliqu

A Last Wish

"My mother was dying of cancer and gave me her engagement ring to give to my wife. It was a low-profile diamond from 1965. I think my father paid $275 for it at Eaton’s."

"We just celebrated our 25th last week. She still wears it daily."

- JustsomeAudioGuy

Full of Memories

"$140, I wanted a more expensive ring for her, but she insisted that I use that money for the wedding."

"I ended up going with a silver ring that looks like the branches of a tree, it has one large amethyst in the middle and two smaller ones in the branches to the side."

"When I saw it, it immediately reminded me of the date we went on when I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her."

"We got up early to go to an orchard that was a little while away, the whole ride, she was talking about how frustrated she was with work and I was so happy to be listening to her talk and to spend time with her. We spent all day at the orchard, we got lunch at the farmer's market, went on a hayride, went to a petting zoo, and we picked pumpkins then picked apples as the sun was just starting to get low."

"From there, we went a haunted trail on a ski trail that took us up the hill in a ski lift and we had to walk down. As we went up the hill, we got the most amazing view of the sunset and I knew had found my better half, because I couldn't even imagine anyone else that I would want to watch the sunset with."

- TabbyCabby

Because Science

"My wife is a chemist and agronomist. She was working on her master's in agronomy and part of her thesis project had to do with cobalt and molybdenum."

"So I got her a cobalt chrome engagement ring (which happens to also be 6% molybdenum). For the stone, I went with a manufactured sapphire, because science."

"She absolutely loves it. Cost me less than $300."

- surdophobe

Substantial Savings

"I worked for the jeweler store. I had about a steep discount. I chose five options and let him pick from there since I had to technically buy it. He picked my favorite."

"It is a one-carat ruby set in rose gold, and I love it. Retail it would be around $5000, but for me, it was $900."

"I wanted a ruby as I did not want a diamond, and I am a big history buff."

- Nancy2121

A Good Listener

"My Fiancé remembered that in Freshman year of college, I mentioned I would only take a lab diamond (clear or black), and my dream ring had a specific gemstone on either side of the main stone."

"Fall 2018 to December 2022 and he remembered every detail. From one conversation. He is a blessing and I love my ring."

- Trumpet6789

Post-Engagement Ring

"I couldn’t afford an engagement ring when we got married. It’s been a few years and now I can, so I’m working on a custom ring with a local jeweler we’ve worked with a bunch already. The concept is a subtle subversion of traditional engagement ring tropes and will cost around a grand USD."

- DeepFriedApples

Groceries > Rings

"She gave me pictures of a few rings she wanted. All sapphires, no diamonds. I got one of those for $120. Probably worth in the $200 range today."

"She specifically did not want the 'two months' salary' standard. She would refuse a ring that was expensive enough that somebody would be willing to cut off her hand in order to steal it."

- CaptainTime5556

Important Family Heirlooms

"It was my grandmother's and it was awesome and it was free and she loved it."

- Knute5

"Grandma's club checking in. I was having sort of a deep philosophical moment with this question about how I guess it technically cost me my grandma. But then I had a burrito."

- Hammand

Worth the Pricetag

"Love the shaming on this thread for anyone who spent more than $24.99 on a ring."

"$18k because it’s the only expensive thing she’s ever asked me for and it makes her happy every single day. One year interest-free financing softened the financial blow considerably."

"To each their own! Don’t shame people for spending their money how they choose on the ones they love!"

- Son_Of_A_Plumber

Yay for Pinterest Boards

"My wife had a bunch of floral style rings on her Pinterest page, so I went and got one custom designed from a local jeweler."

"They suggested Moissanite (synthetic diamond) to keep costs down and appearance up. I got three times the stone for half the price of a real diamond. Well worth it. Total ran about 3k for the engagement ring."

- bighairyyak

Everybody's Happy

"I chose the shape of the stone, he chose the actual diamond (size, quality, etc), and then we went shopping together to choose the setting."

"It was a lovely experience! I got a ring I love which I will wear forever and he got to control the situation and feel comfortable with a large component of the cost to keep within his budget."

- jvldmn

Très Relatable

"My wife liked it. 15k."

- BabyTunnel

"All the top voted answers are just cheap rings or inheritance. So I am glad someone posted something else. Although maybe there is something below but Reddit might just upvote certain answers more."

- Additional_Meeting_2

"Dude. Finally a comment in here I can relate to."

"My wife liked it. 12k."

"No hate to the lab-grown, or the many blue and yellow special stones in this thread. But d**n, it makes it sound like the norm! In my experience and my friends' circles…. It’s just diamonds from the jewelry store lol (laughing out loud)."

- howmanywhales

This thread was a great example of "to each their own." Where some will want an expensive ring, others will want something incredibly simple, just like some will want an extravagant wedding whereas others will want to go to the courthouse and have a nice dinner after.

These decisions don't make one couple or one marriage or one love better than the other. They simply reflect that they're different partnerships, and as long as both people are happy, who cares how anyone else would handle it?

People sharing pizza
Klara Kulikova/Unsplash

When it comes to culinary mashups, nothing is as delectably perfect as a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. Chocolate and peanut butter in one bite? Heavenly.

Other food combos are not as popular but have a strong contingent of fans like pineapple on pizza or even peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

And then there are ones that are simply inexcusable.

Curious to hear examples of what foodies absolutely consider tastey bites, Redditor Shozo459 asked:

"What’s the worst food sin you can imagine?"

Trust the preparation.

That Is Soy Not Funny

"ketchup on sushi."

– BattleCatManic

I do believe you'd get your a** kicked for doing that."

– Mattress_Of_Needles

No Sauce Required

"Reminds me of this random sushi joint in osaka. Every pc had the wasabi inserted already. If the piece doesnt have a sauce (like eel), then its premarinated or salted. For normal fish, the chef brushes it with some kind of soy sauce blend."

"He reminded me that soy sauce would not be necessary almost every time he put a new piece on my plate. I asked what the soy sauce bottle is for then and he just shrugged."

"And we're talking about soy sauce not even ketchup."

– gabu87

Tough Meat

"Ok, not sushi, but. (I heard this from my kid....) My ex remarried to a southern woman who fancies herself to be a southern Belle. Instead, she's more of a Momma June. My ex cooked steaks for dinner one night. He will cook meat so it is BROWN straight through. Don't think about asking for it any way, but WELL DONE. In his world, any PINK in the beef means it's nearly raw.😳 So he cooked steaks for them. The wife starts eating and exclaims, 'This steak is soooo good it doesn't even need ketchup' My kid described the meat as being extremely tough and tasteless."

– stalagit68

That's just rude.

Expired Offer

"Eating my fries after I've asked you if you want me to buy you some."

– iggylevin

"So you've met my ex-wife? 'I'm fine' is a small fry and milkshake or frostee. And yes, she should use her words , but she won't, so you can choose to be right or to not have to sleep on the couch over fries and a milkshake."

– Jimmy_Twotone

Chili & Cinnamon

"Although it's not the worst sin imaginable, there's a weird regional dish where i live that involves pairing a bowl of chili with a cinnamon roll. Every potluck I've been to here has it. It's not for me but it's definitely unique."

– MayorOfVenice

Citrus Sin

"Orange juice flavored toothpaste and toothpaste flavored orange juice."

– shhjustwatch

"I gargle with orange juice after i brush my teeth. Power move. Show that plaque who's boss."

– MayorOfVenice

Who does that?

Gimme Some Skin

"Eating the skin off of someone else's fried chicken."

– Upbeat_Tension_8077

"I had a bucket of leftover KFC in the fridge, and my ex SIL came over to my house while I was at work and ate all of the skin off the chicken. I was f'kin pissed."

"Then, on New Years, a few years later, her aunt wanted to make mole and split the cost. I was like whatever and pitched in. I had things to do and got home after it was done. Those f'kin b*tcheses had ate the all of the skin off every piece of chicken."

"I'm so glad I'm not a part of that POS family anymore. If I am ever victimized by chicken skin theft ever again I am going to throw that skinless piece of chicken at them as hard as I can at point blank range and I'm going to aim for their mouth."

– anon

Condiment For All

"Squeezing ketchup on top of a communal plate of fries."

– OverlappingChatter

"I had a boyfriend who would take all of his fries and all of my fries at McDonald’s, put them on the tray and squirt ketchup on top. This infuriated me in part because then the fries got cold so much faster."

– loritree

Wasting food is a cardinal sin.

Grocery Stores At The End Of The Day

"Grocery stores/suppliers throwing out perfectly good food when we there are people starving."

"There is a 2009 doc called 'Dive' that talks about how much grocery stores waste. Edit: (I'm sure there are many others but this is the one that made me aware of the issue)"

– moosegoose2222

"My husband did the samples at Sam's club for awhile and when they did alcohol samples they were told to bust/break the glass bottles into the food that was leftover and to be disposed in the dumpster...so first throw the food in, then break the glass bottles on top when throwing in dumpster."

– Swivel_D

Kevin Sucks

"I worked at a major big box grocery/everything else store for a short time. The a**hole store director was the kind of guy who would make one of the grocery guys get put the floor zamboni on SATURDAY AFTERNOONS to clean up footprints down the aisles when it snowed outside. Of course, it pissed people off."

"The worst thing he'd do, however, was demand that the bakery and Deli have their cases overstocked to 'Grand Opening' standards every f'king day. Of course, only half sold, and the leftovers were not marked down (he hated doing anything like that for damaged boxes or cans because he said it attracted 'poor people'). Instead, it all went into the dumpster at the end of the night. It was usually a half dozen cakes, a dozen loaves of bread, and often 15 - 20 rotisserie chickens. No, employees were not allowed to take home any of it. Oh, and he was openly racist and tried to get a disabled employee fired because he didn't like disabled people working with the public."

"I rage quit that job one day, two weeks before Christmas. I found out shortly after I left that the store director was diagnosed with Parkinsons."

"Rot in hell, Kevin."

– WhitePineBurning

My gripe is more about dining protocol than actual food.

I'm pretty much allergic to alcohol and aside from having the occasional glass of wine, I don't drink often when I go out.

I don't think it's fair when I'm out with a small group of people who each order more than two cocktails and I'm forced to split the bill evenly as the lone non-drinker in the group.

I get it, it's a hassle figuring out the bill to accommodate for me, but I don't mind sorting it out as there are apps to make this easy.

I think it's classy when other members of the group point out that they should chip in more for the bill so I don't have to pay my full share.

But I also hate having to speak up and say, "Umm, can you guys pay for your own drinks since I didn't order any?"

I'm screwed either way since I sound like a loser when I do voice my request or I get passive aggressive afterward for not speaking up.

Anyone know a good solution on how to deal with this?