My ex is 13 years older than I am and calls me old constantly. You know what, he's totally right. Yes, I'm absolutely going to bed at 9:30 if I can swing it. Sleep is delicious!
Insomnia and a crazily busy schedule usually mean I'm awake way later than I want to be, but whenever the opportunity to get to bed early presents itself, I am 100% taking it. No kids, money in the bank on a Friday night? Great! That means I can sleep. No Saturday plans and it's gorgeous outside? Great! Open the windows, it's nap time. Chillin on the beach on a lazy Sunday afternoon? Great! Hope you're wearing sunscreen cause we're about the have a snooze-by-the-sea. I am 100% about that nap life - and I'm not the only one out here living my best old life
Reddit user DarthMares asked:
What "old person" things do you do?
You guys... seriously... out inner grandpeeps are amazing. Enjoy this awesomeness!
Too Loud
My wife got sick of me turning up the volume on the tv "too loud" when I could barely hear it and still needed captions. So I got those wireless headphones that connect straight to the tv so I could hear at my own volume and she can set the ambient volume at a normal level.
She did get a little annoyed when she realized now I can't hear her at all while they're on so I got her a mini whiteboard with a dry erase marker.
Laps
GiphyI've been to a shopping mall before all the stores were open, so I just walked laps around the mall until they opened.
- Pillosi
Undercooked Grandpa
I actually always have a bag of Werther's hard candy in my car. Also I'm kinda terrible with computers. I'm 27 but my friends call me an undercooked grandpa.
This Workout
I was headed for the rec center to get in a work out. As I'm getting in my car, I remembered something I forgot. Went up stairs, got it, came back down. Repeated that about 3 more times including once when I got back upstairs I forgot what I was looking for. I was breathing pretty hard and just decided to call that my work out. Showered and turned on the TV.
The Secret Weapon
I'm part of quiz team of 50-60yo men called "The Old Gits" that does pub quizzes in a golfing pub. I am a 25yo woman, and probably the youngest in that pub by about 20 years. 90% of the questions are 'before my time' but I help out with all the gaming and 'youth culture' questions that throw all the other teams off. I'm their secret weapon.
I get to learn a lot of interesting stuff and there's a great selection of real ales there. I love it.
- Squiral-
The Commercials
I evidently have the same tv watching habits of my late grandparents. My dad makes fun of me for watching Matlock and Murder She Wrote like his mom did. At some point, I noticed that all of the commercials between my shows were for things like alert bracelets and walk in bath tubs. Even the commercials for toys were like "Your grandchild will love this for their birthday!" Time to go yell at some kids to get off my lawn.
Zoning Grudge
Had a zoning dispute turn into a years-long grudge.
A neighbor put a complaint in about a tool shed in our backyard when we built a garage. Town came out and made us tear it down to avoid the fine (the shed had been there for over a decade and when we built a garage the shed became out of compliance).
He was a world class assh*le; the type of guy who would never confront a problem or talk to a neighbor man to man, but peer out his window and play tattle tale any time a neighbor made an improvement to their house. He was an insecure and petty man. So petty that he once called the cops over me playing catch in the street with my old man when I was a kid.
He'd call the cops for noise complaints during a family BBQ...at 5pm. He would make an anonymous tip if someone Installed a back yard hot tub. He'd call about a new boat in the driveway. He'd call the town about fireworks on the 4th. He once called the town about my fathers flagpole and USMC flag.
I was brought up to turn the other cheek, and my parents were never the type to escalate. but that Zoning violation call could not go unchecked... so I waited until the right time.
Well guess what Vern. The ASPCA call years later about your puppy breeding. Me
The fine you got for your wife's un-licensed day care she was running out of the house...Yours truly
When your teenage daughter got drunk with her friends while you were away and sideswept the car down the street... How did they know what door to knock on? Say...My...Name
So when you're sitting home asking yourself what went wrong. Why your unfulfilled and bored wife with nothing to do during the day abandoned your marriage. Why you failed as a parent and your daughter had to take the bus everyday in college. Why you don't even have the company of a pet... I want you to remember,
You should have never opened your mouth about that f*cking tool shed.
Teenagers
GiphyI'm only 30, and I'm waaay too suspicious of teenagers. A few groups of kids cut through the parking lot of my apartment complex in the mornings to get to school, and I'll just peek through my blinds with squinted angry-eyes and sip my coffee while muttering to myself, assuming that these kids are up to no good. There's no reason for me to do this but it's basically a part of my morning routine, now. Oh, and I frequently sneezefart.
Before 7
Wake up before 7am every day.
I have no reason to be up early on weekends, but still find myself having my morning coffee alone. At 6:30.
Companies and products rebrand for a variety of reasons.
Sometimes they want to revitalize a dying brand.
Or stay fresh and modern.
Other times they're trying to put a negative public image in their rear view mirror.
And sometimes, someone somewhere in a company has low impulse control.
Anyway...
Reddit user PulakHasan asked:
"What's the Weirdest Rebranding of all time?"
Weight Watchers
"Weight Watchers abbreviated their name down to 'WW' and in doing so, increased the syllables needed to pronounce their new company name."
~ hambone10
"You burn more calories uttering the extra syllables."
~ jungl3j1m
waitr
"Waitr was an extremely successful delivery service here. They had full time employees and you could get food delivered in 30-45 minutes."
"Then, they made everybody an independent contractor and started calling themselves ASAP."
"'As slow as possible' caught on and they lost the majority market share within a month."
~ bravesgeek
GiphyHBO
"I still don’t understand HBO dropping probably the most prestigious name in cable tv/streaming."
~ stoneman9284
"Right?! Also it literally means Home Box Office - that’s the best name for a streaming service????"
~ oreos_in_milk
Nordic Choice Hotels
"Nordic Choice Hotels rebranded to 'Strawberry'."
"They have to mention their old name all the time, because Strawberry could be absolutely anything."
"If only it were 'Strawberry Hotels' but it's not. It's just Strawberry."
"They removed the part that explains what kind of business it is."
"Madness."
~ WoodSheepClayWheat
GiphyUSWest
"USWest-->Qwest-->CenturyLink-->Lumen I don’t care what your name is."
"Can I have more than 10mbps DSL at my address?"
~ Trickycoolj
"In Europe, and it's now Level3--> Centurylink--> Lumen--> Colt."
"I'm sure they rename in the hope people forget the incompetence."
~ ConsciousValence
"My mom has worked for them since 1977 when they were Northwestern Bell."
"She's been through a billion name changes."
~ CorporalBB
Circuit City IQ Crew
"Circuit City rebranding their PC technician division from IQ Crew (which predated Geek Squad, by the way) to..."
"Firedog."
"I worked at a Circuit City from 2005-2008 and we all thought it was a prank when we saw the announcement."
"'The intensity of fire with the loyalty of man's best friend'."
"I sh*t you not—that was the marketing."
~ Tiberius_Jim
GiphyBritish Petroleum
"When after a major oil spill, BP changed their branding to Beyond Petroleum for an ad campaign showing how they were investing in renewables."
"Logo change too."
~ RandomAmuserNew
"An oil spilled followed by a huge effort to cover it up, including dumping Corexit into the water to mix with the oil and make it sink."
"So it was no longer visible from aerial shots, but it did far, far more damage mixed with a dangerous chemical and sitting on the sea floor than slowly evaporating or being soaked up on the surface."
~ LurkerOrHydralisk
Amoco
"When BP purchased Amoco, they quickly rebranded all the stations to BP."
"Not sure if it is everywhere but Amoco had a lot of brand recognition in the Midwest and a lot of people just didn’t like BP."
"Eventually, they started rebranding some of their stations back to Amoco to cash in on nostalgia."
"I always thought it was dumb but never realized that so many people hated it until after I worked for BP (very briefly) and was told the story of how much pushback they got."
~ anitabelle
British Petroleum (BP Oil)/Paul Sableman
Overstock.com
"Overstock.com I think qualifies for weird rebrand."
"Bed Bath and Beyond went out of business and was bought out by Overstock and then Overstock just rebranded everything to Bed Bath and Beyond."
"If you go to overstock.com it’s just BBB."
~ WhatsABuckland
Snoop Dogg
"When Snoop Dogg (temporarily) changed his name to Snoop Lion to make a reggae album."
~ RomanOnARiver
"Snoop’s original name on Death Row was 'Snoop Doggy Dogg'. When he left Death Row and went to No Limit, he had to alter his name (which might have been his original name) to 'Snoop Dogg'."
~ GotMoFans
"Snoop’s mother used to call him Snoopy as a nickname which is the origin."
~ OpanaMan
"The Charles Schulz people would have had a field day."
~ GotMoFans
GiphyBooks-A-Million
"Books-A-Million to 'BAM'."
"I was in a parking lot with one and had no idea it was a bookstore, as I was a bit too far out to see more than 'BAM' from where I was parked."
~ lynnyfox
KIA
"Everytime I see the new KIA logo I assume its a NIN [Nine Inch Nails] fan."
~ vinyalwhl
"I thought it was KN for an embarrassingly long time."
~ VulfSki
"KIA changed their logo on their cars and Google showed an uptick in the searches for 'K N cars' because people liked the look of them but didn’t realise it was a KIA."
~ User_Deleted_Content
Mark Chan on Unsplash
Royal Mail
"Royal Mail deciding Consignia was the way to go forwards."
~ PonITdude
"They wanted to go international but they lost so much money that year they had to stay national and reversed the name back."
~ ShinyHead0
"Twitter to X."
~ sandiercy
"And then everyone still refers to it as Twitter."
~ Safety_Drance
"'A user on X, formerly known as Twitter, posted…'.”
~ tommyk1210
"Rather like to see 'A user on Twitter, erroneously known as X, posted...'."
~ SagittaryX
"'A user on twitter, largely unknown as X, posted...'."
~ Pinksters
"A few days ago, I saw an article that said 'Twitter, which Elon Musk incorrectly thinks is called X for some reason...'."
"That was pretty funny."
~ temalyen
GiphyCity Landmarks
"In Chicago we still call it the Sears Tower [renamed Willis Tower in 2009]."
~ baccus83
"And in Pittsburgh, it’s still Heinz Field [renamed Acrisure Stadium in 2022]."
~ NoVaBurgher
"And in Toronto, it’s still the Skydome [renamed Rogers Centre in 2005]."
~ nonanarchist
"And in New York when you take 287 across the Hudson it's still the Tappan Zee Bridge [renamed Governor Mario M. Cuomo Bridge in 2017]. "
~ keytarin
"A lot of LA people still call it Staples Center [renamed Crypto.com Arena in 2021]."
~ New_Simple_4531
"In Denver we will always say Mile High Stadium [renamed Empower Field at Mile High in 2019]."
~ SheBrokeHerCoccyx
Some rebrandings make perfect sense to the public.
Others are utterly baffling.
What would you add to this list?
Reddit user b-secret asked:
"What is the most embarrassing thing you have ever Googled?"
How Much?
"what's the alcohol percentage in 70% rubbing alcohol?"
~ LightsJusticeZ
"55% alcohol, 15% rubbing"
~ FishOfFishyness
Who?
"I Googled my work because I couldn’t remember my boss’ name after working there for 8 months."
"I just blanked and couldn’t think of it."
~ HCxTC
Spellcheck
"I Google how to spell restaurant all the time."
~ ParkOk6450
"I'm like that but with Febuary."
"EDIT: February"
~ NeoNero_x
"I go into incognito mode to check spellings of words I should know how to spell."
~ LordCaptain
GiphyUm, No.
"I was trying to find the name of those signs where a word is written down the side and each letter is used for a descriptive word."
"Confusing I know."
"So here’s an example: False Evidence Appearing Real"
"I know it has to have a name. So I googled 'Sign where every word starts with a letter' and Goggle responded with 'Did you mean a sentence?'.”
~ Team_Lift
Looks Like...
"Googled green beans once, was super high and forgot what they looked like."
~ testies2345
"I did the same thing with beets."
~ Jjetsk1_blows
Gaby Yerden on Unsplash
That Movie, With the Guy and the Stuff...
"I'll forget the name of a movie and just type in random sh*t I think I remember. Usually it works."
"Like 'that movie where the kid sleeps and has weird dreams and flies on a bed'."
"Works like a charm."
~ fohsupreme
Did They Have Blue Feet?
"big boobies"
"I was only 10."
"I was surprised to find some."
~ PoopPower99
"I’m 39 and I Google this every day."
~ dekkact
"They're nice birds but are they really worth Googling everyday?"
~ redwolf1219
Blue-Footed Boobies
GiphyPredictive Text
"I used to search something like 'no clothes' or 'without clothes' or something like that when I was a kid."
"Then I learnt the word NAKED because of the TV show Naked and Afraid."
"Then searched it so many times that my autocorrect started to show that word first when I wanted to type something."
~ sniper8207
NSF...S?
"My favorite band growing up was 'The Barenaked Ladies'."
"When I was at school, I once Googled them and clicked on a link that said 'free shows!'."
~ BW_Bird
Good Description
"I forgot what a 'gondola' was called so I typed in 'Thing that carries you through the mountains in a basket'."
~ TheGreatJaceyGee
"I once forgot the word for 'door' so my brain reached for adjacent concepts, smashed them together and threw them out my mouth: 'house portal'."
~ Tail_Nom
GiphyIt Just Doesn't Translate
"I have to search a random word 'auf Englisch' or a random word 'auf Deutsch'."
"Every damn day."
"It took me a minute to realize that there was no way to translate Schadenfreude into English."
~ grammar_fixer_2
Ah, Memories...
"I found out that as long as you're logged into Google, all your searches are saved to your Google account (I'm not talking about browser history)."
"So I looked back, and the 1st thing I ever googled after getting a Google account was 'Can ducks fly'."
"I've no idea why I googled this. I know ducks can fly."
~ caca__milis
GiphyYou Ate What‽‽
"Once I was with some friends and I was telling them about how when I was a kid we only got to eat nuts as a special treat around Christmas."
"Then I mentioned how much I liked squirrel nuts and no one knew what they were. So I Googled 'squirrel nuts' with image search."
"Not at all what we ate at Christmas time."
"Finally found out what my family called 'squirrel nuts' were actually called hazelnuts."
~ 123fofisix
100% NSFW
"A few years ago my coworker and I were looking at the calendar at work. It had pictures of birds and we were trying to figure out what kind of bird was pictured for that month."
"I can’t remember what she thought it was, but I darned sure it was a Great Tit."
"We have a great relationship and have been working together for a long time but we tend to argue like an old married couple. So we went to Mr Google for the answer."
"Let me tell you that Googling Great Tit at work isn’t something I will ever do again."
"For the record, I was right. The bird was a Great Tit."
~ pi11bott
Great Tit holds an insect in its beak
A Perry on Unsplash
Hope some of these folks remembered to clear their browser and search histories.
So, what's your hilarious—or embarrassing—little Google secret search?