The only thing better than a REALLY good insult is an equally as good or better comeback.
That kind that gets the entire room involved, where people applaud, or someone goes "Ohhhhhh!" and the fun and energy of the comeback just really gets you jazzed.
Maybe that's just our inflated view from the metric tons of 80s movies we've been watching in lockdown, but, that's the idea.
u/random-joe-shmoe asked:
What is the greatest comeback to an insult you've ever heard?
Here were some of those answers.
Fast And Merciless
A friend in highschool on our way to a track meet. He was staring at a car in the parking that was really nice. When this dbag saw him.
Dbag: "why bothering looking at that when you know you'll never be able to get one?"
My friend: "the same reason you watch porn"
The entire bus erupted and it's still one of the funniest things I've ever heard.
Ouch, Man
A dude in my class called out a semi friend of mine, that people are talking behind his back. In fact, that wasn't the case, as far as I know, and that guy said: "Well you know what the say about you? Nothing, nobody f**king cares."
Congrats On Being A Big Kid
Overheard by me, the school bus driver, one fifth grade student was belittling a first grader. When it was time for a comeback, first grader shouts out, "Congratulations!"
The bewildered fifth grader had nothing to say and went to sit down with her friends in the back of the bus.
Sick Burnz Yo
Many, many years ago, when we were about 18, a friend of mine was arguing with another person we knew. This person was trying to be a bad@ss and intimidate my buddy.
He says"my feet are registered".
Without missing a beat my friend replies "Where? Health & Sanitation?". Forty years later I still crack up at this when it comes to mind.
Explosion Of Laughter
English class in Middle School
Kid A - "yo, Kid B, your mama waited on me at McDonalds last night. Must feel like crap having a mom that works at McDonalds"
Kid B- " at least MY mom gets out of bed to go to work"
English teacher far louder than he realized "DAYUM!"
The rest of us were laughing so hard, the teacher next door popped her head in to see what was going on...
Victorians Were Ridiculous
18th Century British radical politician John Wilkes was told in parliament by a political opponent "Sir, I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox".
Wilkes shot back with "That depends, my lord, on whether I embrace your lordship's principles or your mistress."
Measuring Contest
On a construction site one afternoon, different trades were working in the same area. Like silly team sports, the sparkies always hang with the sparkies and the turd wranglers always hang with the turd wranglers and anytime they're together it turns into a pointless dick-measuring contest (usually not literally)!
One particularly childish exchange saw two men chopping back and forth- my unti biggest, blah blah blah. Finally one of em spits out this classic:
"I've got girth like a can of corn!"
And the clap back was unforgettable:
"But you've got length like a can of tuna!"
Everyone busted up. Mister girth tried to hide his embarrassment, but was tied-up. No come-back. And a room of men laughing uncontrollably.
Good times...
Insult Queens And Kings
Chelsea Handler told Russell Brand: "the way you are looking at me makes me wants to cover my vajayjay."
He replied "Ma'am if I had a rubber glove, I'd do it for you."
Crowd burst into laughter and she even acknowledged "that was good"
City-State Of Sick Throwdowns
Not heard, but read. Easily the Spartans reply to Philip II of Macedon:
"As Philip II of Macedon was conquering Greek city-states left and right, Sparta was left alone. Philip had achieved a crushing victory, and Sparta was relatively weak and without walls."
"Philip sent a message to the Spartans saying 'If I invade Lakonia you will be destroyed, never to rise again.'"
"The Spartans replied with one word, 'If.'"
This Is Why They're Neutral
During WW1, Switzerland had a tiny standing army, but they were very skilled marksmen. Wilhelm II of Germany asked what 250k Swiss troops would do if he decided to invade with 500k German troops.
The Swiss said, "Shoot twice and go home."
Double Double
Saw a clip of a standup comedian the other day, and he says something along the lines of "the first time I had sex it was terrible... the first time I had sex..." and a woman chimes in with "you mean yesterday? " crowd laughs for a while, and while the comedian is waiting for them to calm down you can see the gears turn in his head, once it gets down to basically a few chuckles, he just says "Glad you remember " and the crowd just lost their shit, it was amazing
Savage Granny
My grandma asked my cousin, who'd had lots of partners and 2 kids at this point, if she was ever going to get married.
Cousin: It's not the same nowadays. We don't buy cars without test driving them first.
Grandma: Yeah. But they don't let you put a hundred thousand miles on them either.
Point goes to Granny.
A Bully Shut Down For Good
I can't remember the best one I've heard, but I can remember the best comeback I ever did. It is also, in fact, the only good comeback I ever did. I was in 7th grade, and we were in the locker room after gym. People were discussing shoe sizes because this one kid had enormous feet. I don't know if I have small feet, but mine were the smallest. They said, "Small feet, you know what that means!" I didn't mind too much, but one kid crossed the line. He said, "Don't worry, fella, there's like 10 different ways to make it bigger." So I said, "Have you tried all 10?"
Not very impressive, but it shut him up.
The Toilet's Jealous
I work at a hotel. A few years ago this guest got into a spat with our security officer over something, but she wasn't getting whatever she wanted so she told him he was full of s**t
Our security officer replied immediately, "no I'm not, I took care of that this morning. But thank you for your concern for my good health and regularity." At this time I was about to bust up laughing so I had to excuse myself to the back office, and as I was leaving I heard him continuing on with this lady, deadpan, "but I promise I eat a healthy diet full of fiber. It warms my heart to know you're concerned with me having regular bowel movements. So the next time I'm constipated I know you're thinking of me," It continued on and on, and all the more he's playing this deadpan and it's making the lady madder and madder, and I'm in the back laughing so hard I'm nearly crying.
After that spiel was over though she didn't give us anymore problems the rest of the night.
Unprecedented Moments Of Genius
He was walking out of English I was walking in. We met at the door way and were chest to chest. And he looks me in the eye and says
"Grow some t*ts"
Without missing a beat i reply dead faced "Donate yours"
Then proceed to proudly walk to my desk with a big smile.
Also I did eventually grow some boobs. They are small but they are nice.
The Gays Will Not Stand
It was a exchange between 2 co-workers a few years back, basically a slut shaming gone wrong. Person A had only ever slept with one person, their previous boyfriend that they were still obsessed with. Person B was the opposite and would bang a different person every week.
Person A: "I can't believe how many people you've slept with, I don't understand how people can have sex with someone they aren't in love with"
Person B: "Well your ex-boyfriend seemed to manage it okay"
Person A: silence as he dies inside
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Related Articles Around the Web
Over-sharing is a thing. Sometimes, people really just cross the line in the information they've decided to volunteer to us.
It's hard to control who does this to us since it tends to take us by surprise, but hearing some of the things that people have suffered having to hear can easily act as cautionary tales to us.
<p>May we all have the serenity to say, "I really don't need to hear this right now."</p><p>u/Butt_Roidholds asked:</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lt3aid/whats_the_most_fucked_up_thing_someone_has_told/" target="_blank">What's the most f**ked up thing someone has told you about themselves after barely getting to know them?</a><br></p><p>Here are some of those stories.</p><p><br></p>
<p class="">Some people are liars, some people are oversharers. Some people are crying for help.</p><p>What would you do if you came across something like this?</p>
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Seriously, Who Asked
<p>I used to work at an animal shelter and we had several people who would come volunteer to help out.</p><p>One of the women who came there on a regular basis went to lunch with me. She was such a sweet woman, a little older than I was at the time. She proceeded to tell me that she used to go to the park and hook up with old men because she felt sorry for them.</p><p>WTF?</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/moviesandcats/" target="_blank">moviesandcats</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_36" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Decent Bloke....
<p>I (25f at the time) was at A&E in the UK. I got discharged and was waiting for my taxi outside. This buff shirtless dude, covered in tattoos (they were decent too, imo) comes over and asks for a light. I bought a zippo for novelty so I obliged.</p><p>We got to talking and he told me how he had just got out of prison after serving a life sentence for killing his father, after his father murdered his baby sister. Had his records on him and everything (he was at the hospital as he was diabetic and had experienced an issue of some sort after being released - I have no expertise here).</p><p>I have never feared and respected a man so much in my life.</p><p>I bought him a pint after my taxi decided it wouldn't be arriving. Decent bloke - we still speak 9 years later.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/heavenhelpyou/" target="_blank">heavenhelpyou</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Oh....Sounds Fun....
<p>My sophomore year In college a girl who I had a group project with told me that her first sexual experience was getting tag teamed by a couple of guys while she was in high school. </p><p>I just told her "wow, that's pretty intense." She told me that she loved it and then I changed the subject. Until that point nothing sexual had come up in the conversation.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Nothing_/" target="_blank">Nothing_</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p><strong>Like, who approaches a total stranger and says these things to them?</strong></p>
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TW: Suicide
<p>My manager at my job in high school decided to tell us about how she tried to end her life on my very first day. </p><p>She was like, "One day, I decided to take some pills and end it all. I grabbed a pill bottle out of my mom's cabinet and took a handful without even looking at what it was and then lay down to die. I was so surprised to wake up in the morning perfectly fine. Confused, I checked the bottle to see what I had taken."</p><p>Yeah, it was estrogen.</p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Please Tell Me About Your Infidelity
<p>My wife loves to tell this story.</p><p>Her first day at a new company she was to meet another employee who would show her around the office. She met her in the lobby and on the elevator ride up to the office she proceeded to tell my wife how her husband has gained some weight and she is considering starting an office affair with a co-worker who is really into fitness and 'has muscles' (apparently she made a gesture where she fanned herself while saying muscles)</p><p>Like literally my wife met this lady 5 minutes earlier for the first time in the lobby and she is already unloading all this stuff on her.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Boxman75/" target="_blank">Boxman75</a></p>TW: Abuse
<p>I was seated next to a quiet kid on a high school band bus to a football game. He'd been in my band class for years, but I had never really spoken to him. He was the type who didn't fit into anything at school that I ever saw. I resolved to get to know him a bit and open up a conversation since we were going to be sitting by each other for a few hours. It was like a dam burst; that dude talked for the whole trip.</p><p>At one point, he told me that his mom was really unhappy with his stepdad but couldn't afford to divorce him. And then he told me that his stepdad would get drunk and beat him with a stick, but he wasn't sure if his mom was also getting beaten and that scared him. There was a brief pause before he said "I never told anyone that before..." Then he changed the subject completely.</p><p>I must've been seventeen or so. It shook me. Like... Obviously I was old enough to know that sort of thing happens, but too sheltered to think it happened to anyone I knew. I told my parents about it-- seemed the right thing to do. I don't know what happened from there. He and I never really spoke of it again. I just looked him up on Facebook, though. Looks like he's done really well for himself.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/DietrichBuxtehude/" target="_blank">DietrichBuxtehude</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Not The Thing To Tell Your Nurse
<p>I was doing my practice in a hospital. They brought a young man in the neuro clinic, he was my 1st patient. He was around 30 and he had fallen from a tree while working. </p><p>He turned out to have a complicated neurological condition that had nothing to do with his fall. He was also diagnosed with severe depression. He was in there for months and no one ever visited him, the only time he felt a bit better was when I visited him and did some tests to him. </p><p>He said "it's nice when you come and make me play with the coloured toys and make me draw things". One day he was looking out of the window, when I came in he looked me dead in the eye and told me "you know, if the windows didn't have protective bars, I'd jump right out". It was the 1st time I'd heard such thing and I remember it ever since.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Shoddy_Natural4217/" target="_blank">Shoddy_Natural4217</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p><strong>And it gets dark so very quickly.</strong></p>
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Ope Okay Guess We're Going There
<p>Coworker took out a client for a business lunch at a small town restaurant. He asks the waitress "How are you?" to be polite. </p><p>She proceeds to go on a 5 minute spiel about how terrible her ex husband is and how he's ruining her life and how she feels like crap because of it. After she finishes, takes their order and leaves the customer says "So you must know her pretty well?" </p><p>"Only well enough to say hi in passing." </p><p>"Oh, so then that was just as awkward for you as it was for me then?" </p><p>"Yes, yes it was."</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/NowhereinSask/" target="_blank">NowhereinSask</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_8" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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The Evidence Is The Burn
<p>Some guy next to me on the bus once went into a long elaborate story about how he burned his house down for insurance money like three weeks prior.</p><p> I wouldn't have believed it if his hands didn't have massive burn scarring.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/STARCRUSHER99/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">STARCRUSHER99</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_9" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Who Are You Fooling?
<p>Met this dude in college when he moved into the dorm. Goofy looking redneck kid from the San Antonio area. I'm getting to know him when I notice his Spice Girls cd (this was like 2003), and I commented on it. </p><p>He then goes into this long story of how he was at the Walmart in San Antonio, looking at the CDs in that store and just happened to have bumped into Ginger Spice who invited him into the tour bus that no one had noticed, and he lost his virginity to all the Spice Girls at once.</p><p>My thought was "Thank you for this story, I know instantly that I can never trust or believe anything you ever tell me again." It's been almost 20 years and I still can't believe that was something he said in the first five minutes of meeting me.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/GreatJanitor/" target="_blank">GreatJanitor</a></p>
Keep reading...
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We're never that surprised when we encounter people who are lackluster at their jobs. Bad waiters, rude customer service people, dishonest contractors, or inept colleagues abound throughout daily life.
But it's interesting that we expect to encounter that kind of ineptitude far less with certain professionals.
<p>As an example, look no further than the world of mental health. The role of a mental health professional seems to denote such a knack for empathy, patience, and social tact that we're stunned when someone says or does something wildly unprofessional--or downright mean.</p><p>Nonetheless, there are problematic people dotting every professional realm, and the mental health sector is no exception. </p><p>Some Redditors offered up their finest examples of dreadful mental health care interactions. </p><p>Physical_Philosopher asked, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltikks/people_of_reddit_what_is_the_worst_thing_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">"People of Reddit, what is the worst thing a therapist, psychiatrist, or mental health professional has ever said to you?"</a></p>
<p><br></p><p>I'm sure there are even more stories out there, and so many egregious comments not included in the list. It's sad but true: some therapists can't help but get in the way of the healing. </p><p>Here's hoping you never have any run ins like these. </p><p>Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter <a href="https://mailchi.mp/knowable/knowable-newsletter-in-content" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">here</a>. </p>
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<p>Plenty of Redditors came bearing stories that were so bad you may struggle to believe them. These mental health professionals managed to say the most hurtful thing possible at just about the worst time. </p><p>The examples were almost cartoonish in how unkind these professionals were. </p>
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Salt in the Wound
<p>"I was dealing with a lot of family issues at the time and my ex had just broken up with me that week so I was taking it fairly hard."</p><p>"My therapist said 'it's because they found someone better' and when I said no and tried to explain she just dug in deeper that my ex had dumped me because they found someone better than me."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltikks/people_of_reddit_what_is_the_worst_thing_a/goytctg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">sgrmw</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Suddenly, a Brainstorm Session for Insults
<p>"14, telling my shrink about how I was bullied in school."</p><p>" 'Do they make fun of your nose?' "</p><p>" '...nnnno....?' "</p><p>"And that's how I found out I have a big nose."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltikks/people_of_reddit_what_is_the_worst_thing_a/gp0jn7u?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">KindlyOlPornographer</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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The Exact Wrong Outlook
<p>" 'You'll never do an important job like doctor, veterinarian, firefighter, lawyer, conselor...You'll probably end up in a Walmart for your whole life.' "</p><p>"I was 8 years old and still remember how mad my parents were lol."</p><p>-- -<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltikks/people_of_reddit_what_is_the_worst_thing_a/goyug8s?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">SincerelyDontCare</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>Some mental health professionals were simply too absent to be of any help whatsoever. These people may not have done anything outwardly mean, but their distant, neglectful demeanor hurt just as bad. </p>
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Mourning Snooze
<p>"Nothing. She fell asleep in her chair while writing notes....I was talking about the death of my parents. I was 16. Never went to another therapist" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltikks/people_of_reddit_what_is_the_worst_thing_a/gozuyga?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Papismurf101</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"After reading a few of these I'm convinced some therapists get there education on a milk box. Flipping heck. I'm so sorry that happened to you." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltikks/people_of_reddit_what_is_the_worst_thing_a/gp2zydy?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">illthinkofonel8er</a></p>When Word and Deed Do Not Align
<p>"When they say things like 'okay I understand how you are feeling thank you for telling me' but proceeds to ignore most of the things I've said. -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltikks/people_of_reddit_what_is_the_worst_thing_a/goyrsef?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">PrestigeZyra</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Ugh I hate that. Sympathy is not Empathy."</p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Rephrased: 'Based on what you've shared, I think I'm starting to understand what you have been through. Thank you for telling me. Now you said X, would you like to explain that further so I can better understand?' "</p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"It's called motivational interviewing and that specific technique is 'reflecting' and 'clarification' to ensure the client is able to fully explain their meaning without the provider 'assuming' anything or ignoring the person's statements." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltikks/people_of_reddit_what_is_the_worst_thing_a/gozv732?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">jhorry</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Proven Wrong Almost Immediately
<p>"Go back to work, you'll be fine, you don't need different meds."</p><p><em>"3 times being sent home and psych ward visit later" -- </em><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltikks/people_of_reddit_what_is_the_worst_thing_a/goygpxp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">BalancedJoker</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;"><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltikks/people_of_reddit_what_is_the_worst_thing_a/goygpxp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a>"let me guess, diagnosed with depression (unipolar). prescribed an SSRI type antidepressant. turns out you have biploar depression and without mood stabilizers the SSRIs sent you into a strong manic episode." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltikks/people_of_reddit_what_is_the_worst_thing_a/gp0hdbz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">SecTrono</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>Finally, some people's therapists had bizarre hot takes that they just couldn't let go of. They introduced theories to explain a patient's situation, and gladly turned a blind eye to any realistic evidence to the contrary. </p><p>These mental health professionals treated the session more like a debate than a healing space. </p>
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Doubling Down
<p>"I had a psychiatrist who was convinced I was anorexic even though I wasn't."</p><p>"It really sucked because my therapist and my psychiatrist worked at the same company and they had a policy where they don't help people with eating disorders."</p><p>"So even though I went to a specialist and they confirmed I didn't have an eating disorder I was still banned from that facility and lost my long term therapist."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltikks/people_of_reddit_what_is_the_worst_thing_a/goyzbxh?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">assainXD1</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_8" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Throwing Shade on a Healthy Habit
<p>"I use my creativity with art and craft as both a coping skill and as something that gives me extra purpose in life."</p><p>"A psychologist told me that doing so is maladaptive. I didn't go back."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltikks/people_of_reddit_what_is_the_worst_thing_a/goyloq7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">BlackCaaaaat</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_9" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Wut
<p>"Had a therapist tell me that my soul, long before I was born, chose my parents and subsequent childhood abuse so that I could learn from it."</p><p>"By this logic, of course, the abused person is always in control and the abuser is helpless. Argue with that logic. Needless to say I never saw her again."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltikks/people_of_reddit_what_is_the_worst_thing_a/goyszg6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">mercuryrising137</a></p>
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People Describe Which Small Achievement They Would Actually Like A Pat On The Back For
March 01 | 2021
On the internet, people tend to say things they likely would not in the real world. The anonymity of a forum or comment section--composed only of verbal contributions beneath made up names--compels us to socialize with less inhibition; we take more risks with the peers we can't see in the flesh.
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<p><br>Unfortunately, that most often ends in ugliness. People use anonymity to bully, hurl slurs or insults, and troll with little repercussions.</p><p>But there are shining moments when anonymity gives people the slight boost of confidence needed to make good things happen. People, covered by the internet cloak, might be more forward about lavishing praise--or asking for it.</p><p>And the result is an exchange of positive, communal interactions. Evidently, it sometimes takes letting the guard down for connection to feel more within reach.</p><p>One recent Reddit thread offered a prime example of anonymity used for good.</p><p>starspixie asked, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/luddci/whats_a_small_achievement_you_would_like_a_pat_on/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">"What's a small achievement you would like a pat on the back for?"</a></p>
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<p>A few Redditors couldn't help but feel very proud of themselves for their deft handling of all that came with adulthood. The needs and navigations of daily life--often touted as either boring or merely a sign that one is getting older--can feel like a feather in the cap. </p><p>These folks had no shame in winning mundane life. </p>
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THANK YOU
<p>"Maybe not small. But my job is sort of essential. I support software that is used by many hospitals and medical facilities."</p><p>"I've pretty much worked every day and made sure our sh** didn't blow up whole covid wrecked shop. I get no mention. I get no praise but damnit I'm happy to keep helping fight the fight."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/luddci/whats_a_small_achievement_you_would_like_a_pat_on/gp5ubry?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">shartnado3</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Making All the Right Moves
<p>"Trimming 7 years (so far!) off our mortgage through minor payment tweaks and tax return lump sum payments."</p><p>"It takes planning and discipline, but means we'll both be able to retire without house-debt. Planning to surprise SO with this next year once I get it down a little further." </p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/luddci/whats_a_small_achievement_you_would_like_a_pat_on/gp5w7mm?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">flitterbug78</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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The Leap
<p>"I finally got the courage to apply to, interview for, and accept another job, and quit the job I've had for a decade." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/luddci/whats_a_small_achievement_you_would_like_a_pat_on/gp63t9k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">whatisgoinghappen</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Good job. I change as well last September. After 14 years it was stressful. Especially with a wife, a mortgage and a kid depending on my income." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/luddci/whats_a_small_achievement_you_would_like_a_pat_on/gp8x685?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Angio343</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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33.83 Years of Training
<p>"I successfully plunged a toilet today! For the first time in my 33.83 years of existence! I'm just relieved I don't have to call the guest house manager."</p><p>"That'll teach me not to flush toilet paper in India smh."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/luddci/whats_a_small_achievement_you_would_like_a_pat_on/gp69rfb?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">fvckyes</a></p><p>Some people took a more pragmatic approach when reflecting on their recent achievements. </p><p>They thought of their health, and what strides they've made in taking care of the one and only body we each get. </p>
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Keep It Going, Keep It Going
<p>"Running 45 minutes to one hour most days for the last four weeks." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/luddci/whats_a_small_achievement_you_would_like_a_pat_on/gp5uufd?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">InbhirNis</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"That's brilliant!! Geesh if you can keep that up, even if it becomes just a few times a week you are adding YEARS to you lifespan, as well as LIFE!" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/luddci/whats_a_small_achievement_you_would_like_a_pat_on/gp6gjdv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">BlueLunarStar</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Pristine Extremities
<p>"I been biting my nails all of my life and have finally stopped. I always feel a little silly to show my friends and be like, look, I have nails!" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/luddci/whats_a_small_achievement_you_would_like_a_pat_on/gp64l2e?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">mobiuthuselah</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Hey that's awesome! I've been biting my nails for like 20 years, it is a HARD habit to break. 👏👏" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/luddci/whats_a_small_achievement_you_would_like_a_pat_on/gp8cu86?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">takethehiddenpaths</a></p><div data-conversation-spotlight style="min-height:90px"></div>
<p>Others took a moment to share that success at things that ought not be taken for granted. Often, a lifelong struggle with mental health was a major factor in the difficulties up until now. </p><p>But every dog has their day, hopefully plenty of more days to come. </p>
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1, 2, 3
<p>"I did three loads of laundry today. Folded and put away too!" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/luddci/whats_a_small_achievement_you_would_like_a_pat_on/gp5tmtb?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">rockbiter81</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Is..is that humanly possible? I mean put away and everything?" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/luddci/whats_a_small_achievement_you_would_like_a_pat_on/gp71hfd?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">AtheneSchmidt</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Several years ago, when I was majorly depressed, laundry was the hardest thing to do. It felt never <a href="https://ending.to/" target="_blank">ending.</a> To this day, keeping on top of laundry is like saying 'I'm doing ok' for me."</p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Doing three loads, folding AND putting away is amazing from my perspective! Congrats! Good job!!" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/luddci/whats_a_small_achievement_you_would_like_a_pat_on/gp7bebe?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Smartass_Narrator</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_9" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Step One, Check
<p>"I've been making a point to try and shower every day."</p><p>"It doesn't seem like much, but when I'm going through a rough bout of depression - it's the biggest accomplishment I can muster and I'm very proud of myself and my current level of stinky-ness"</p><p>"(current stink level: not stinky!! Yay)"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/luddci/whats_a_small_achievement_you_would_like_a_pat_on/gp61um4?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">datCHEESElife</a></p>Upswinging
<p>"Drug addict for the last 10 years, tomorrow marks 2 months clean. May not sound like a long time but it's longest I've gone ever" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/luddci/whats_a_small_achievement_you_would_like_a_pat_on/gp601uu?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">yo_Slick</a></p><p>"Been an alcoholic for 9 years. 2 weeks sober tomorrow" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/luddci/whats_a_small_achievement_you_would_like_a_pat_on/gp5v4ol?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">IscreamwhenIsh**</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_10" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Here's to You Making It
<p>"today is my 26th birthday and I'm still around for it" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/luddci/whats_a_small_achievement_you_would_like_a_pat_on/gp5uq5b?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">b4byd0t</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"I've been depressed for decades. I just turned 49 four days ago and I never thought I'd get here. It's been rough for most of those years, but I'm still here and I think of all the people I've helped that wouldn't have happened and it gives me a purpose. Do the same."</p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Think about anything you've done, even if it's just giving directions to a stranger. You helped that person get to where they needed to be. If you weren't there, they might still be lost now." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/luddci/whats_a_small_achievement_you_would_like_a_pat_on/gp7yyjw?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">eddyathome</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_11" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p><br></p><p>It's a thread that reminds us we're never far away from deserving praise. Sure, we may not all be out here reinventing the wheel or saving the world ever day. </p><p>But life can be toilsome, and it's nice to know there's a corner of the internet sitting in your corner. </p><p>Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter <a href="https://mailchi.mp/knowable/knowable-newsletter-in-content" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">here</a>. </p>
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Image by Дарья Яковлева from Pixabay
Time and dedication is critical to learning new skills.
<p>We spend a lot of time trying to learn new skills. Quarantine has only accelerated this for a lot of people, for sure, with a million sourdough starters going unused while a billion rolls of yarn have gone unknitted. Not everyone can master new skills, let alone common, everday skills that seemingly everyone else can do.</p><p>Reddit user, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/memetimeboiiii/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">u/memetimeboiiii</a>, wanted to hear what you struggle with when they asked:</p><p><em><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltdfay/what_is_a_common_skill_you_just_cant_seem_to/" target="_blank">What is a common skill you just can't seem to master?</a></em></p>
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Getting Stuff Done Around The Household
<p>How do other people get things done around the house? Like a human being? Not everyone had a Home Economics class made available to them in school, so some household skills got lost in the shuffle.</p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_36" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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How Do They Make It Look So Easy On Cooking Shows?
<p>Getting all the components of a meal ready at the same time.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltdfay/what_is_a_common_skill_you_just_cant_seem_to/goxx9n2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Spellflinger2019</a></p><p>Same. I recommend using the "keep warm" setting on your oven &/or slow cooker if you don't have a warming drawer on your oven.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltdfay/what_is_a_common_skill_you_just_cant_seem_to/goya81o?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Delphavis</a></p><p>Gotta make sure you do all of the prep and measuring things out before starting to cook. Nothing like having to run into the pantry 10 minutes in to get something and throwing you off.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/AlienatedAstronaut/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">AlienatedAstronaut</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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...So We Don't All Just Stuff It In A Drawer?
<p>Folding a fitted sheet</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltdfay/what_is_a_common_skill_you_just_cant_seem_to/goxtwel?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Momonthecoast</a></p><p>Ok so here's the move. Stick ya hands in a corner, any two corners, bring em together, and just skdjgnskakzhe real fast in a circular motion. Condensed ball of sheet, more than acceptable.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltdfay/what_is_a_common_skill_you_just_cant_seem_to/goxvk9s?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">memetimeboiiii</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Not Following This One...
<p>I still can't put on a bra without putting it on backwards to do the clasp. I'm incapable.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltdfay/what_is_a_common_skill_you_just_cant_seem_to/goxgrmr?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">BustyNat</a></p><p>Is this not how we all do it?</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltdfay/what_is_a_common_skill_you_just_cant_seem_to/goy9vka?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">8675309fromthebl0ck</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Tripping Over Your Doing-Things-In-Front-Of-Other-People Feet
<p>Are other people around? Watching you? Judging you? Waiting for you to do something? </p><p>That's the worst, isn't it?<br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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How Do Talk Good?
<p>How to socialize in groups of new people. I'm ok with socializing, just not in a setting where I don't know anyone.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltdfay/what_is_a_common_skill_you_just_cant_seem_to/goxj6v9?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Magnolia120</a></p>Me No Speaky That Good Linguistics?
<p>Talking to people. "Smalltalk."</p><p>I'm fine with people I already know, or have lots in common with, can talk for 10 hours a day about nothing. but when it comes to strangers?</p><p>what the hell is going on. why are you talking to me, what do you want. please just be direct. I don't want to play mind games. i don't want to guess what your intentions are. just tell me. how can i help you? drives me insane.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltdfay/what_is_a_common_skill_you_just_cant_seem_to/goxb0pp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Spread-Smiles</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Circle It Back, Keep It At A 45 Degree Angle, And You've Bumped The Curb
<p>Parallel parking. It's not that I can't do it, it's that I can't do it if <em>anybody else is around</em> (usually the case if you're parallel parking, in my experience).</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltdfay/what_is_a_common_skill_you_just_cant_seem_to/goxevm2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">stfupcakes</a></p><p>I can't do it and I refuse to try if there is anything solid that I could hit in the vicinity...trash can, cone, other car, etc. Add an audience and it's a double nope.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltdfay/what_is_a_common_skill_you_just_cant_seem_to/goy6g31?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">SaltyA--SnowQueen</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Life Is Hard, Huh?
<p>Then there are those like skills that don't compute, no matter how much you try. Things that seem everyday simple for everyone else, yet, for some reason, your brain functions just don't match up to what you're trying to do.</p><div data-conversation-spotlight style="min-height:90px"></div>
Feel The Rhythm In Your Fee-And You're On The Floor
<p>Dancing. </p><p>My body just can't coordinate with my scumbag brain to be able to dance.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltdfay/what_is_a_common_skill_you_just_cant_seem_to/goxh1lg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">ZiggerTheNaut</a></p><p>Same. It's awful. Sometimes when I'm alone I'll try to dance and just feel the music. It FEELS awkward and awful. I can't even imagine how it looks.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltdfay/what_is_a_common_skill_you_just_cant_seem_to/goybik0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Hazel4292</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_8" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Just Put Your Hands On The Floor Nice And-Now You're On The Floor, Too
<p>F-cking cartwheels. </p><p>How did every girl at school know how to do them?! I was like, hell no. I'm gonna break my neck. That was when I was like seven. Now I am 30. Same stance.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltdfay/what_is_a_common_skill_you_just_cant_seem_to/goyc2ub?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">GorpQuest</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_9" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Put Your Lips Together, And...
<p>I can't whistle.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltdfay/what_is_a_common_skill_you_just_cant_seem_to/goxcasw?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a><a target="_blank">Bandejita</a></p><p>Whisper the letter Q in English to yourself. Notice the whistly part of the letter, keep experimenting with how your lips are puckered at that moment and how you blow the air out. Keep doing that.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltdfay/what_is_a_common_skill_you_just_cant_seem_to/goyd4ib?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">sarabichat</a></p>And Here We Have The-OW!
<p>Detecting the presence of a coffee table without using my shin</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltdfay/what_is_a_common_skill_you_just_cant_seem_to/goxvwxb?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Cantankerous_Won</a></p><p>Yeeeeeep. Add in super pale skin + anemia and you're left with perpetually black and blue shins. Hawt. 🤦🏼♀️</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltdfay/what_is_a_common_skill_you_just_cant_seem_to/goyadz5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">memetimeboiiii</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_10" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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How Awful...
<p>Being able to fall asleep during the day for a power nap. I just can't. My brain won't settle down.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltdfay/what_is_a_common_skill_you_just_cant_seem_to/goxqmks?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">AyakaNatsuki</a></p><p>If I'm going to nap it's a 3 hour process for me. My wife can power nap in 15 minutes, but it takes me that long just to go to sleep.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ltdfay/what_is_a_common_skill_you_just_cant_seem_to/goyjh4l?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Frosti-Feet</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_11" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>Be patient. Take your time. Listen to people who know more than you do. You can always learn something new, no matter how late in life you've started.</p><p>Except for cartwheels. Those probably have an expiration date on when your hips can handle them.<br></p><p><em>Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter <a href="https://mailchi.mp/knowable/knowable-newsletter-in-content" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">here</a>. </em></p>
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