In my family we have a standing rule that if it makes you laugh and it's nothing "major" - you can't get in trouble for it. In reality, we're all pretty laid back so getting in trouble is pretty rare anyway, but the rule has lead to a lifetime of playfully roasting one another in an attempt to get the other person to laugh.
Those roasts have been the breeding ground for some of our families biggest laughs because fam there is nothing funnier than a 6 year old calling you "Chicken nugget toes" like it's the most scandalous and life-changing bit of shade you're ever going to hear.
One Reddit user asked:
What is the greatest G-rated insult you've ever heard?
and yeah - kids are roastmasters. They're not the only ones capable of dropping a devastating one liner, though. Check out some of these absolute insult bombs that prove it doesn't needed to be raunchy to be relentless.
Fearsome Four
When my daughter was about 4, we spent the night at my parents and I was brushing her long hair after her bath. My dad told her she had such pretty hair, and asked if he could have a little to cover his bald spot. She didn't even look up and said "I think you have enough on your back to cover that."
- TrishiaH
My 4 year old once climbed into my lap, sweetly put her hand on my face and said "Is this supposed to be some kind of beard or something? " with just the right bewildered inflection to really make me question both my masculinity and my personal grooming choices.
Keepin' It Spicy
"If she was a spice, she'd be flour."
- _Fengo
Pretty much the same as "You unseasoned chicken wing".
"You single-layer lasagne"
Directions!
When my granddaughter was 10, she stayed home sick from school one day, and I burned some accrued leave to watch her. Around lunchtime, she felt well enough for mac-n-cheese, so I grab a box from the cupboard and start scanning each side. This took a while, but I found the very small print, and say, "Oh, good! Directions!"
Without missing a beat, she says, "You'll need them."
- cmd_iii
Non-Essential
My brother once drunkenly called someone a non-essential vitamin.
In medicine non essential vitamins get filtrated and send up been urine. Often when we see people buying lots of vitamins the comment is " I bloody bet is going to be an expensive wee"
- ramm1405
Okay, this one cracked me up. Your brother is far more creative of a linguist drunk than I am sober.
Hahaha I love that. 'you're like a non-essential vitamin, some people like having you but when you actually look into you realise nobody needs you there and you don't help anything, you're just kind of there... Which is like all of us but you think you're an essential vitamin. You're a non-essential vitamin with the mindset of an essential vitamin'
God you could kill someone with that.
- -Meggem-
It Isn't
My daughter was going to sing a song in a talent show.
Daughter to son: are you going to be in the talent show too?
Son: no i dont have a talent.
Daughter: of course you do! Everyone has a talent! Like mine is singing.
Son: no it isn't.
Burn
Regret Management
Your life is more about regret management than goal achievement, isn't it?
- El_CM
Reading this hurt my feelings. I need to re-evaluate.
This wasn't even pointed at me, and I feel attacked.
Agreed with this one, and then realized it was an insult.
Babyrage
My oldest daughter called me Captain Hook when she was 3. She had run off to her room in a fit of rage and apparently that was the worst insult she could she come up with. Definitely a moment where I tried to hide the fact that I was laughing.
- krnoel
Every time my brother was mad my mother told him he was precious. So in a fit of rage he yelled YOU'RE PRECIOUS! AND YOU'RE PRECIOUS! AND YOU'RE PRECIOUS!" before storming off lol
A Wooden Onesie
Good old England, throwing out the classics. I once heard someone refer to a coffin in the most spectacular way in a sentence something like "Yer mum looks older than my Nan and she's in a wooden onesie."
In Brazil we have "wooden coat". And when someone dies some people say they "buttoned their coat"
Festive Family Ties
You look like someone whose family tree is a wreath.
I thought this was about Christmas trees for a minute... Why make fun of people who are too poor for a tree??
Oh. Wait...
- moo4mtn
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Image by Russell Clark from Pixabay |
To be fair, there are awful people, everywhere. But it does sometimes feel like certain careers and jobs do tend to be brimming with the dregs of humanity; or there are people with next to no humanity. As someone who worked many years in the food service industry I can attest that it seems to be overrun with morons and malicious ne'er-do-wells. And that is just management.
Redditor u/Tatumisgod1022 wanted to know about some career-wise choices by asking... Which professions have the worstpeople?Can you imagine having to work day in and out with evil? I've lost track of the amount of times I would've rathered gone home with an ornery customer than be saddled with some of the co-workers I had. I don't like to gossip, well that's true. And they deserve hurt feelings. Let's see who can compare notes...
hate u...
Collections. I worked in IT at a collection agency. People would start out normal but after a while they would forget to turn off the crap-mode they used on the phone when dealing with other people. After a few years, they treated everyone like a deadbeat.
The Abyss...
Some of the most broken people I've ever met were mental health workers.
Can concur. There's something to Nietzsche's thoughts on staring into the Abyss. It's not easy to leave the things you see and know at the office.
Source: am a psych nurse practitioner.
The Hill
MLM marketers, or at least, those who are actually successful with MLMs.
Can confirm. My cousin does one of the beauty ones, and all I see on her facebook page is this crap. She used to be cool and fun to hang out with, then she got into the rodan fields crap and it all went down hill.
PRAISE!!
Television Evangelists.
This is the best answer. Other jobs I can think of at least one good example, even if they're in a crap organization. I can't think of any televangelist who isn't a grifting sack of crap.
Industry Issues...
Restaurant and bar owners usually suck. There are exceptions, I've known a couple that were cool but most of them are horrible idiots with weird God complexes. I think because most of the staff is easily replaceable and it's an industry where its easy to take advantage of people. I've just met some real crap heads working in bars.
Exactly. Especially that last one. I told you. And it's a bit disappointing that our mental health professionals aren't all decent human beings. That seems like it should be a professional requirement but alas, people are people.
In Florida...
I was a correctional officer for a year in Florida. I cannot say if this profession has the absolute worst people, but it is really bad. Maybe you could imagine what it would be like going into a locked down facility day after day, coming face to face with some of the worst people imaginable, receiving death threats on a daily basis, dodging manipulation and dealing with some of the absolute insanity that goes on. I have minor PTSD from my year there.
The energy in a place like that affects everyone there unfortunately. The officers there can sometimes take on the energy of the inmates, and some may be just as manipulative, angry, and sometimes insane as the prisoners themselves. This could be a highly subjective thing. Some prisons may be different or better.
But I honestly believe that no place like that can harbor a completely good person for long without fundamentally changing who they are. I left because I did not like what the environment was doing to me. I give my absolute full respect to the men and women who do that job as lifelong careers though. There are good people that do the job, don't get me wrong. It is just incredibly hard to keep it up in the midst of such conditions.
For the Healthy
Mental health. Some excellent people. Some I would turn and run from if I saw them on the street.
In my experience as a life-long patient (early onset schizo), nursing assistants in psychiatry are the worst. They're burnt out & bitter at best, usually just straight up cruel and give zero f*cks about patients' emotional wellbeing.
People seem to get a power trip from degrading us, especially the young ones. Constant drama and in-fighting in most institutions too from what you can overhear. They tend to scream all the time at everything. I've met a few decent ones.
I was watching some dating reality show at a friend's place and one of the girls said she can make like 100k off one Instagram post IIRC.
They may suck and not add much to society but if I could make a simple post and make more than I normally would in a year I'd be doing it.
Silicon Issues
People in tech can make so much money, at such a young age, with so little education and certification, that it naturally attracts some of the worst peeps you've ever wanted to strangle with a mouse cord. The egos are in the stratosphere but the social skills can be down somewhere in the Mariana Trench.
Hollywood
Apparently showbiz.
And also the industry is so cutthroat even the ones at the bottom have to be so competitive it bleeds into their personality to a fault.
Oh Hollywood, the land of dreams and sorrow, and home to some of the lowest of the low. But what are we gonna do? I guess we can just try to be our best selves and hope it spreads. Although I'm sure a few people have a thing or two to preach about me. Oh well.
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Accents are anthropological, sociological constructs that are fascinating for human ears.
Someone speaking the same language as you, with the same rules as the language you are using, but with an affectation that you can hear but possibly can't quite place? It's wonderful.
It's also a huge identifier that will tell you things about where that person is from; the culture they grew up in; and where they've spent their adult life.
u/sh*ttyirishteen asked:
What accent do you find the most attractive?
Here were some of those answers.
Gears, See!
Transatlantic. Really gets my gears going.
The 40s movie accent? Apparently that one didn't really exist, came from it being taught as proper pronunciation in schools around the turn of the last century and became the "Hollywood" accent for a while.
Blarney Lovin
Irish
I literally clicked on this thread because I'm Irish, I felt curious as to where the Irish accent would fall on the list.
I don't personally understand how anyone likes the accent honestly, but I'm vaguely validated too... So yes, OP planned this.
Ms. Granger
I like posh English accent but not Royalty posh, Emma Watson posh.
She has exactly the sort of accent you'd expect from Hermione - upper middle class privately educated daughter of dentists
Truly, the proper accent can make us just swoon.
Oy, Mate
Australian. I was once slacking off in the first day of my second semester of physics in high school. Trying to sleep through the class and the teacher called me out to answer a question. I was a cocky jock at the time and just blew him off and put my head back down. (In all honesty I had done well in the class prior so he let me get away with it, he was a really cool teacher).
As I was getting my head comfortable again I heard the most angelic voice come from behind me and answer the question. I had not even noticed that we had a new student in the class who was a foreign exchange student from australia. I fell in love immediately. Nothing I could do would woe her but we became good friends. Still to this day that accent gets me.
Blimey
I think Scottish is really cute to listen to.
Get David Tennant, James McAvoy and Evan Macgregor together and I'm a happy girl. I could listen to any one of them talk for hours.
Take Your Pick
As an American, literally any accent is attractive.
How about a female south side Chicago accent, I grew up there and now that I've been away I sometimes find it funny.
They Always Win
Travelled quite a bit. England, South Korea, Japan, Ireland, Scotland, Australia and Germany.
Aussie women win.
I watch Masterchef Australia, but refuse to watch Masterchef America. Just for the accents.
What is it that makes us swoon? Is it the rounded "claw" sound? Is it the tall "a" sound?
Time For Some Underrated Love
Women from Jamaica or West Africa have the most underrated accents ever. That is godly.
Yes. Agree. But men and women for me, I'm greedy
A Pleasant Little Lilt
Welsh, Taron Egerton has the best.
I'm pretty sure Huw Edwards' voice is the main reason my mum watches BBC News
Oh, Ja
German!!!!
I didn't think I liked that accent until I watched the German dude try to woo the Indian woman in Sense8- flirty German is sexy!
Definitely. I'd listen to a German male talk all day 🤤
If you have a lilt, a twang, or a stiff upper lip, you are someone's cup of tea.
What is the most attractive accent to you?
Some of our possessions are no-brainer, have to have them, best things in the universe. Others are total beaters, through and through liabilities, that should have been trashed years ago.
But what about those possessions that fall right in between?
These are the things we love as much as we hate. Like some people or places in our lives, these objects and us have a love/hate relationship--and, surprisingly, almost as much baggage as the human version includes.
Some Redditors sat down and shared their best examples of these kinds of possessions.
lliorca336 asked, "What do you have a love / hate relationship with?"
Some set their sights on the elephant in the room. They described their excitement as well as all the issues that come with the expansive, unbelievably powerful internet.
The Whole Dang Thing
"The internet." -- LM1120
"Yup. On one side, it can really help people who feel alone. However, it can also breed toxicity." -- RHCube
"Back down it was as simple as don't use it but thats not really possible anymore" -- Derpsterio29
Even More Whole
"Technology in general."
"On the one hand, it's nice that I was able to deposit a check just now while sitting down on my bedroom. On the other, screw anyone who has the audacity to call me and greet me with a robot."
Horrifyingly Convenient
"I have it with none other than 'Google.' "
"I hate it when Google tracks my every move. I even feel scared sometimes. Like just the other day, I was watching 'Padmavat' on Amazon Prime. It wasn't even my account, but my husband's. We had to stop in the middle due to something."
"And as soon as I opened my Gmail next, the very first email on the top was a 'Spam' email asking me if I missed out on watching 'Padmawat?' Really Scary!"
"And then, I love it when it takes me down the memory lane. Like just today, my Google Photos app asked me if I would like to see where I was on this day in 2010? I thought why not. Turns out, I was at my friend's wedding. Which reminded me, 'Oh! It's her anniversary today!' "
"I simply sent one of her gorgeous pics wishing her happy anniversary. We had a long chat, after which I sent over all of the pics from that day. She was really happy to re-visit them and tagged them as the best anniversary gift!"
-- toxasagt
Others chose to discuss those necessities of day-to-day life that they've actually come to love completing over and over.
But that doesn't mean they don't get annoying all the time too.
Procrastinating
"Showers."
"That weird thing where I'll waste time before entering the shower because it feels like such a chore that takes a long time, I'm gonna need 5 h to dry my hair afterwards etc., but then when I'm in the shower i never wanna get out."
-- Victoria749
Cruising, Until Your Not
"Driving is my biggest love/ hate relationship. I absolutely love the feel of driving when there's a small amount/ no traffic and the feel of being able to go wherever you want in your country is so freeing. Start/stop traffic, car maintenance costs, insurance, monthly payments, terrible roads, the possibility of an accident, driving through new places without clear signage etc..."
"Man, driving at its best is one of my favourite things in life but at its worst I wonder why I ever got my license and look toward busses with jealousy."
-- LTPfiredemon
It Will Never End
"Cooking. I hate the necessity of having to prepare food and the process itself, but I usually like the result, and if I cook for other people, I get many compliments for how it's good."
"You know, when I hate to do that, then at least it gotta be tasty."
-- Ziriath
Others spoke about the luxuries in life. It almost feels absurd to complain about such wonderful, unnecessary possessions.
And yet, they are luxuries with a slight catch.
The Nut Barrier
"Chocolate."
"Probably my biggest trigger to ruin my diet. Doesn't even have to be good chocolate. Doesn't even have to be mediocre chocolate (by American standards). I'm talking about, like Palmer's Double Crisp super-cheap, probably-not-even-actually-chocolate Chocolate."
"My only saving grace is that I'm allergic to peanuts, and a lot of the really really cheap chocolate has peanuts/peanut butter in it, so it's no longer a temptation."
More and More
"Having a home gym:"
"Love: Not having to go far and not having to deal with other ppl and their bs."
"Hate: Everything you want is much more expensive than you expect... and you keep wanting more"
Another Take on Tech
"Modern technology. For every way it makes our lives easier, there's at least five ways it makes things harder."
"But overall, it's generally worth it... if you can get the stuff to finally work, which might take you all day."
-- Arekai4098
So the next time you find yourself out of wits in frustration, only to come back to that same object or task the very next day, don't feel so alone.
Everyone out here is emotionally confused about their inanimate objects and abstract concepts.
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People Identify The Common Misconceptions That Only Exist Because Of Clever Marketing
We live in an era defined, amongst other things, by the unparalleled barrage of content that blasts our eyes and ears throughout every hour of every single day.
Truly, it's exhausting to be alive in the contemporary media landscape.
Generations before had to deal with posters, billboards, and magazine advertisements, then radio commercials after that, and then TV commercials came along.
We thought the consumer seduction reached its peak with those.
But then, lo and behold, social media came about. And now the "information" peddled by brands and advertisers is everywhere. And so so much of it is misleading, or flat out incorrect.
Some Redditors shared the examples that came to mind.
Cameron213 asked, "What is a common misconception that only exists because of clever marketing?"
Many people chose to talk about the marketing efforts used to push health and nutrition products onto consumers.
It's no surprise that there were so many examples to choose from. People in contemporary times are obsessed with health, fitness, diet, and longevity.
So of course, marketers have taken some liberties.
"Zero"
"That things with 'zero sugar' can still have 0.2 grams of sugar per unit which is why tic tacs claim to be zero sugar but can still be dangerous for a diabetic person" -- Whynotgarlicbagel
"Always check the ingredients"
"I found some 'no added sugar' ice cream that had concentrated caramelised sugar syrup as a flavoring"
"Also no added sugar just means they haven't added any sugar. Not that it's zero sugar" -- EmergencyAdvance
The Natural World
" 'Natural' food isn't your definition of natural." -- Gmax100
"Cyanide is natural" -- Izwe
"Everything is natural, nuclear power plants are as natural as beaver dams" -- Skylake52
The Anti-Fat Movement
"Low fat is good for you. Well not just clever marketing, also lots of lobbying from the sugar industry" -- UltimateAnswer42
"That's a big one. Fat being the 'bad' macronutrient was something that took me a while to unlearn. I felt my healthiest when I ate a high fat, lower carb (50g or so) diet." -- Cameron213
Give Tators a Chance
"White potatoes are somehow unhealthy even though they are a very nutritious starchy root VEGETABLE."
"Just because when you smother oil and ranch on it it becomes unhealthy does not mean potatoes themselves are unhealthy."
Leave It Alone
"Vaginal odor being bad was a thing for a while, and that it could easily be corrected with over the counter treatments such as douching."
"First of all. A vagina is gonna smell like a vagina, not like flowers. If you're concerned about the way your vagina smells you should see a doctor."
"Second of all, the vagina is self-cleaning and doesn't need extra soaps to help keep it 'fresh.' In fact, those soaps and chemicals can cause harm and create real infections."
-- ZeD00m
Other people chose to point out the marketing efforts that have aimed to influence our expectations of culture and the social playing field.
What is "cool" and acceptable is what sells. The question is, who decides what is "cool?"
NOT Required
"Makeup as a necessary norm." -- b2lose
"Man, FU** makeup! I don't wear it and have yet to have anyone I work with question my professionalism for it. I hate it, it's expensive, and I won't wear it." -- TheRedMaiden
"I love this, and I'll also throw in: shaving as a necessity. I've had so many people tell me it's 'unhygienic' for women to have leg hair." -- buriedclementines
Manufactured Status
"That teenagers are cool, tbh. Teen culture is 95% manufactured by suits trying to make a buck." -- crookedhope
"When have teenagers ever been cool to anyone but themselves?" -- troomer50
"right? this kills me as an adult. all the cool teenager sh** that 'parents don't understand' was absolutely designed by grown a** dorks just like their parents." -- likearealreptile
Passing the Buck
"The notion that climate change needs to be combated by individuals making changes in their day to day lives by buying green products. Corporations, global shipping, and factory farms all contribute massive amounts of pollution and greenhouse gasses that can't be offset by using less straws or buying a hybrid car."
"An entire city's worth of individuals couldn't even come close to offsetting the pollution created by a handful of ships used for global shipping, yet advertising would have you think that individuals could replace real systemic change and regulation."
And then there was one total, bald-faced lie. It had to do with an upsettingly common purchase that comes with an arbitrarily high price tag.
Maybe it's time to rethink it.
Pulling the Strings of Supply and Demand
"That diamonds are rare." -- icecreamterror
"That you should spend so much on a diamond and wedding, but can barely scrape by. Sure, let's throw a $30k banquet then go jumpstart the car again to get home." -- Choontz
"Futhermore on this; that 'cognac' diamonds are a desirable colour in a diamond, and are worth more than colourless. Jewellers originally struggled to sell stones of this colour so came up with a marketing concept to make them seem more unique, more special, and just as desirable as, or moreso than, colourless diamonds (which are generally far rarer, particularly if they are classified as flawless with few/imperceptible inclusions)."
"Similar idea with "champagne" diamonds...they were given this name to make them sound more appealing, too, so jewellers could still use them and increase the volume of jewellery they produce and sell." -- teenytinytinkerer
Of course, this list is so far from exhaustive. Pay attention for just the next few hours and I'm sure you'll come up with your own list of at least ten in no time.
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