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People Who Have Been A 'Homewrecker' Break Down How It Impacted Their Relationships

People Who Have Been A 'Homewrecker' Break Down How It Impacted Their Relationships
Image by Goran Horvat from Pixabay

Fidelity isn't everyone's strong suit and ethical nonmonogamy has been the dominant relationship model for most of human history - but that doesn't mean cheating is okay. Don't get my words twisted

Even among non-monogamous people, cheating is a cardinal sin. (Yes, you can cheat if you're non-monogamous.) Lying, deception, and secrets are the sort of thing that is going to tank a relationship 100% of the time. It's just a matter of when.


Having said all that, even though people know the devastating affects of cheating, it's typically the "homewrecker" that draws ire - even more than the cheater. We never understood that.

But we don't understand being a "homewrecker" either. Like, if you know the person has a partner then what are you doing? Why would you let yourself be the secret, the side piece, the fallback?

One Reddit user asked:

People who have been the "home wrecker" what sort of impact has it had on you?

So of course I'm over here rubbing my hands together excited for juicy gossip... but that's not what I got. I got backstory after backstory from people who had been manipulated. People who had been lied to. People who had been purposefully preyed on.

Of course there were a few answers from people who are just happy proud cheaters (boooooo to them) but for the most part these responses once again proved that abusive narcissists leave no one unscathed in their wake.

Snooping In Her Emails

I messed around with a girl a handful of times until I found out her boyfriend was in Iraq. She'd left her laptop up when she was in the shower. I'm kind of a piece of crap and decided to snoop around. Instead, I found her email and the emails from her boyfriend. Talking about marriage after he gets back.

For me. That sh!t is verboten.

I copied down his email address and then wrote him later. Told him everything. Boy was he pissed.

He dumped her.

Him and I are going to a Football game in November.

- Get_b_Frobe1

The Worst Time To Find Out

Season 8 Episode 24 GIF by FriendsGiphy

Found out - while in labor - that my child's father had another woman pregnant and was marrying her. We weren't in a relationship, we were just friends with benefits, but he never said a single word about her and I found out they had been dating for over two years.

I actually waited 5 months to tell her anything.

She didn't believe me until I sent her a copy of the DNA test. She ended up thanking me. We talk now and hope to raise the kids knowing each other.

He's not too happy.

- rawr-nickie-rawr

The Landlady

I hooked up with a roommate/landlady (dumb move off the bat I know!) because she told me that her and her partner were in an open relationship.

I confirmed with her boyfriend that they were in an open relationship, but neither of them told me that roommates were off the table. I went ahead with it because it was the first time a woman showed that she was into me without me trying. It was a great confidence boost and I hadn't had many before.

We got together a few times before I found out the boyfriend wasn't cool with it. I, of course, broke it off because I felt lied to, but the damage was done. The entire vibe of the house changed.

It was a pretty big house with multiple rooms being rented out. At the start, we had house meals sometimes and game nights, just a general friendly vibe. Afterwards we all kinda isolated.

I apologized to the guy, I didn't know exactly what was going on and I felt terrible about it. In the end the great place I had found with awesome people just fell apart.

Honestly, it's probably the biggest regret of my life, everyone moved out and I hope the couple were able to work things out without me being there as a reminder.

- 523bucketsofducks

Life's Research

Fell in love with my best friend at 17. He was in a multi-year long relationship with an amazing woman, but I didn't really know her. He told me everything I wanted to hear and was the first man I'd met to express that kind of interest in me. I was young, dumb, and insecure.

So I fell for it (and all the bull he spewed about the reasons his girlfriend wouldn't be mad, he was protecting her mental health by staying with her even though they were totally done, she was unstable, etc.) and we were in a full-blown romantic and sexual affair for a few months. He ended up kind of ghosting me after that, gaslighting me about the seriousness of our relationship, and continuing to date his girlfriend until she left him for another guy (good riddance lol).

I struggled with trust and self-loathing for a long time after that. Ended up dedicating my life to researching and treating infidelity/relational challenges. I now work as a couples therapist and am very passionate about what I do!

I want to someday publish research on the psychological rationalization and aftermath that extradyadic partners (homewreckers) experience. For how common it is, there is virtually no research about that third person, what gets them to participate, and the impact. I am also in a loving relationship with a great guy.

- _KaseyRae_

The Ultimatum Didn't Work Out

Lived with a guy for several years that was sort of the home wrecker. Basically he was shagging a married chick that had 2 kids. She would hang out at our place a lot. Eventually roomie caught the feels for her and gave her an ultimatum: to leave her husband and be with him.

Well as you can all guess she did not. So he called her husband and told him about the affair. In the end her and her husband are still together and my roomie got lost in drugs. He later got arrested and spent a few years in TDOC custody.

I no longer speak to either.

- just_another_scott

I Deserve It

Had an affair with a married man.

Yes, I knew he was married. Yes, I knew his wife. Yes, I thought she "didn't understand him" and we were true love. Yes, he ended up cheating on me with a married woman who ended up leaving her 2nd husband for him.

They are still together. It was the worst thing I ever did and I hope when I die his ex-wife joyfully dances on my grave; I deserve it.

- ExGomiGirl

Running From Proud Boys

Here's the story, and I'll leave it to to you guys whether or not I'm in the wrong. I'm too deep into it now for it to matter either way.

I had known my best friend for about a decade when this all went down. We were about as close as friends can be, even though we lived in different states. Talked to each other almost daily to check in, knew pretty much everything there was to know about each other. She had been with the same boyfriend for about five of those years.

I was supportive of their relationship for a while, as we always had been with each other's romantic trysts. But the last two years had seen a number of giant red flags pointing to evidence of abuse. She eventually admitted it to me, but begged me not to get involved. I decided to anyway after she attempted suicide.

I moved out to her state under other pretenses (I had been planning on going back to school anyway, I just made sure it was near where she lived). She and I hadn't spent much time in person together for a number of years, so there was a lot of making up for lost time. Now that I was closer, I saw all kinds of evidence of gaslighting, verbal, and physical abuse. They also ostensibly had an "open" relationship, which was basically just a way to justify his cheating on her.

When a third party mentioned that he seemed to take part in outside affairs way more than she did, he jokingly started encouraging me to sleep with her. This continued for another month or two, with him constantly pushing me to sleep with her so everyone would get off his back. Long story short, we did we did end up in bed together. And then we continued to do it for the next week, whenever we had the chance. A lot of deeply buried feelings came out during this, and we realized we had been in love with each other for a long time.

So she dumped him. We had to flee the state pretty soon after. The ex was a member of a group of White supremacists who called themselves Proud Boys (I don't know if it's the same ones who have featured so prominently in recent weeks), and he had rallied his racist buddies to kill us. I'm a Jew anyway, so they just needed an excuse.

We've been married for almost eight years now. Our son just turned five.

- Roland_T_Flakfeizer

High School Mean Girl

i know right mean girls GIFGiphy

I suppose high school is too young to be considered a home wrecker, but back then I was so desperate for love that I back stabbed almost every female friend I had.

I'm very aware of it now, and I'm just sad that I was that person. I feel bad for everyone that I hurt. Especially because high school guys are really stupid, and they weren't worth what I ended up going through as a result of hurting people.

- irkencat

19 And Naive

Ughhh....here it goes. Slept with a married man for years. He lied and told me they were divorcing as soon as the kids got out of high school and they were only together for the kids. She ended up showing up at my work and confronted me....of course I told the truth and holy sh*t did my life suck after that.

I fell for the lies hook, line and sinker. Turns out he was a sex addict. Had been with many, many women and I guess I was the only one dumb enough to tell her the truth.

I was know as the "home wrecker" and 20 years later it still gets thrown in my face.

She actually believed his dumb-ass and she just assumed I was some crazy girl. I literally gave her details about her home, bed, etc and she still thought I was lying. His charades went on for many years after...like 15 more years...until the gig was up. Too many women were now coming forward and accusing him of cheating and lying.


They finally divorced just recently. I saw her at a local gathering and wanted to apologize to her so badly, but the look of disgust on her face was too intimidating. It is something I will regret for the rest of my entire life.

Funny how the one that had vows and children with her got zero punishment, yet I got bashed and shunned for falling for his BS. I was only a teenager (19) then. It literally destroyed my life and self-esteem. He was a professional manipulator that took advantage of a young naïve girl and wrecked her young world.

It's like he got away with it free and clear. She was so in denial until she busted him with one of her friends and broke up their marriage. But she STILL stayed with him after that!

I wish I would have known the impact it would have on the rest of my life then. Literally 20 years later it still gets brought up. We were having a get together at my house and someone felt the need to tell my husband (as if he didnt know) and it blew up into a big mess. I was so "in love" with him and had many plans for our future once his kids moved out. How dumb I was.

The people in my life that matter all know about it and know that I was completely taken advantage. God, I hate that man.

- Nurse_Gringo

They're The Ones Making The Choice

I've been with a few married, engaged and otherwise attached girls.

It doesn't bother me now, and it didn't when I did it. They were up-front about their status, and I didn't particularly care one way or the other. I'm not the one that caused them to make their decisions.

I don't know why it should bother me; they were all adults and made their own decisions.

- ModsAreHallMonitors

I'm The Sort Of Person Who Could Do That

I felt guilty pretty much all the time, but at that point I was severely depressed, I'd never felt anything close to happy and I was fully convinced I never would again. I tried to rationalize it a million ways but a part of me always hated myself for it. Yet at the same time I couldn't find the mental strength to break out of it. Until they told me they were going to marry their partner.. that snapped me out of denial and I finally managed to do the right thing and get out of the situation.

I don't regret it in the sense that I know I did my best given my mental state at the time, but I will always wish I didn't find out that I'm the sort of person who could do something like that.

- throooowaawayyy01293

Polycule Problems

I was in a polyamorous relationship with a married couple. The wife ended up being psycho and abusive to the husband. I started pointing it out to him. She didn't like that and broke us all up. The husband and I reconnected because he was miserable. He needed someone he trusted to talk to. He left her and moved in with me. We're now married and having a baby.

His ex is still awful and makes it very difficult to see his kids.

We're happy together and we have a very healthy relationship. I do feel bad for being involved in the end of a marriage, but honestly she was terribly abusive.

- Momma_Hew

Nothing I Wouldn't Risk

I lost everything except my dogs. 5 ish years later, I still haven't recovered from the series of events and poor decisions it set in motion.

I don't regret it though. I realize I was a fool for thinking it would work out and we would get married or whatever, but it was the happiest I have ever been, and there wasn't anything I wouldn't have risked to live the rest of my life like that.

- unknownsliver

The Side Chick Who Had No Idea

I just found out my engagement of 5 years was a fraud. I was getting impatient and wanted our relationship to move forward and I started to ask questions and snoop. Ends up he was married the whole time.

I was the side chick who probably was seen as a home wrecker and I had no idea. He told me he was divorced from day one.

- missiemiss

Tyler

Oh No Facepalm GIF by moodmanGiphy

I met this guy named Tyler on a dating app and we got along and everything seemed fine. One day I get a text from a number I don't know and they tell me that they are Tyler's wife and ask if I've had sex with Tyler. Thankfully we didn't have sex yet but she tells me she wants me to send her any text messages I have between Tyler and I so she can use them as evidence when she divorces him.

Found out from his wife that Tyler has been cheating on her with multiple women for months and even had another apartment that he would take women to so they could fck. Not only that, but he had 2 small kids. I felt like such a sl*t, I know I didn't know he had a wife but it made me feel so horrible that I was flirting and almost went on a date with a married man. I hope his wife went through with the divorce, she deserves better.

- spazmcgee1


That's the thing with the term "home wrecker" a lot of women are dragged into it. You didn't know so it's not your fault but thank Goodness you dodged a bullet to!

- West-sheepherd

Vindictive Ex

I slept with my boss a few times, with permission from his wife (they had an open marriage and would regularly have "side pieces"). A year later, they were starting divorce proceedings, we were still working together. She was really controlling and- turns out, vindictive as Hell. She was moving things out of their house when he was at work one day and she got into his computer, screenshot messages between he and I about hooking up from the year before and got him fired. I've always felt so bad for that and his life went way downhill from there.

- LadyofAnorLondo

Not Proud, But It's The Truth

So, looking back on this, I'm not proud of this. My only excuse is that in an abusive friendship at the time and didn't have much of a sense of self-confidence or self-worth.

Back in High School, there was a girl who had a crush on me. I was pining for a different girl, and didn't really notice. Nothing really happened.

A few years later, in my early 20s, we got in contact and started chatting on MSN messenger. We meet up one night, and one thing leads to another, and we end up making out with some fondling.

She had a fiance at this time. I knew.

We make plans to hang out the next day. We watch a movie, and right after we had sex. I actually lost my virginity that day.

After that nothing happened and we eventually lost contact with each other. Last I heard she was now married to the guy and had a kid with him.

Looking back on it, I know it was wrong. But at the time... it was a big confidence booster that I needed. It felt really good to know that a girl wanted to have sex with me enough to risk her relationship to do so. I'm definitely not proud of feeling that way, but it's the truth of what I felt.

And while some people might be angry with this, I can't say that, even today, I regret it. I wouldn't do it today, even if I was single, but I can't say I regret. It's completely selfish, but I was in a bad place at the time, and it was what I needed.

- Lodgik

I Fell For The Lies

I fell for the lies- they are breaking up soon, she's waiting for the kid to graduate high school, they haven't had sex in years, she's already seeing someone else...he even brought me to their house to see her boxes to prove she was leaving (ends up they were for their jointly purchased vacation house)- I was realizing slowly that it wasn't all adding up when he "accidentally" left his phone unlocked while she was home.

She called me livid- I refused to talk to her but told her I'd text as long as she wanted. She kept trying to goad me- saying I had to have known, they had sex all the time, they just bought a vacation house- I told her it really didn't matter- I didn't know they were "together" and as far as I was concerned he was all hers.

She contacted me again a week later saying he told her I was just some crazy chick who wouldn't leave him alone- I told her a few details to show I wasn't lying but again it didn't really matter, I was done with him.

She contacted me AGAIN a month after that saying she's dug through more of his emails and I wasn't the only one- I told her it didn't matter to me, I hadn't had anything to do with him since the first time she called...that seemed to break her. I think she wanted to just blame it all on me, but clearly he's been doing this awhile.

Ran into him months later, he asked how I'd been, I asked how SHE was- he said she'd left him not long after that last call. I said she was a smart girl.

I still feel terribly guilty- I should have seen right through all that crap. I have/had trust issues with relationships since then.

- TheRuncibleSpoon

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People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley

Remember

"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt

Imagination

"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."

RedditbOiiiiiiiiii

"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."

monobarreller

Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."

– GTFOakaFOD

"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip

Yikes!

"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User

"Oh."

– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"

Sensations

Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."

PeachesnPain

Recovery

"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."

good_golly99

Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."

rayrayrayray

Free

The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."

TooReDTooHigh

This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.

Shocked

Giphy

"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."

Admirable_Buyer6528

The SOB

"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”

1-cupcake-at-a-time

Colors

"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"

Hannah_LL7

"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"

huntokarrr

The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."

Fluffy-Hotel-5184

Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."

Hot-Refrigerator6583

Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.

Shopping

"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.