People Who Have Been A 'Homewrecker' Break Down How It Impacted Their Relationships
Fidelity isn't everyone's strong suit and ethical nonmonogamy has been the dominant relationship model for most of human history - but that doesn't mean cheating is okay. Don't get my words twisted
Even among non-monogamous people, cheating is a cardinal sin. (Yes, you can cheat if you're non-monogamous.) Lying, deception, and secrets are the sort of thing that is going to tank a relationship 100% of the time. It's just a matter of when.
Having said all that, even though people know the devastating affects of cheating, it's typically the "homewrecker" that draws ire - even more than the cheater. We never understood that.
But we don't understand being a "homewrecker" either. Like, if you know the person has a partner then what are you doing? Why would you let yourself be the secret, the side piece, the fallback?
One Reddit user asked:
So of course I'm over here rubbing my hands together excited for juicy gossip... but that's not what I got. I got backstory after backstory from people who had been manipulated. People who had been lied to. People who had been purposefully preyed on.
Of course there were a few answers from people who are just happy proud cheaters (boooooo to them) but for the most part these responses once again proved that abusive narcissists leave no one unscathed in their wake.
Snooping In Her Emails
I messed around with a girl a handful of times until I found out her boyfriend was in Iraq. She'd left her laptop up when she was in the shower. I'm kind of a piece of crap and decided to snoop around. Instead, I found her email and the emails from her boyfriend. Talking about marriage after he gets back.
For me. That sh!t is verboten.
I copied down his email address and then wrote him later. Told him everything. Boy was he pissed.
He dumped her.
Him and I are going to a Football game in November.
The Worst Time To Find OutSeason 8 Episode 24 GIF by FriendsGiphy
Found out - while in labor - that my child's father had another woman pregnant and was marrying her. We weren't in a relationship, we were just friends with benefits, but he never said a single word about her and I found out they had been dating for over two years.
I actually waited 5 months to tell her anything.
She didn't believe me until I sent her a copy of the DNA test. She ended up thanking me. We talk now and hope to raise the kids knowing each other.
He's not too happy.
I hooked up with a roommate/landlady (dumb move off the bat I know!) because she told me that her and her partner were in an open relationship.
I confirmed with her boyfriend that they were in an open relationship, but neither of them told me that roommates were off the table. I went ahead with it because it was the first time a woman showed that she was into me without me trying. It was a great confidence boost and I hadn't had many before.
We got together a few times before I found out the boyfriend wasn't cool with it. I, of course, broke it off because I felt lied to, but the damage was done. The entire vibe of the house changed.
It was a pretty big house with multiple rooms being rented out. At the start, we had house meals sometimes and game nights, just a general friendly vibe. Afterwards we all kinda isolated.
I apologized to the guy, I didn't know exactly what was going on and I felt terrible about it. In the end the great place I had found with awesome people just fell apart.
Honestly, it's probably the biggest regret of my life, everyone moved out and I hope the couple were able to work things out without me being there as a reminder.
Fell in love with my best friend at 17. He was in a multi-year long relationship with an amazing woman, but I didn't really know her. He told me everything I wanted to hear and was the first man I'd met to express that kind of interest in me. I was young, dumb, and insecure.
So I fell for it (and all the bull he spewed about the reasons his girlfriend wouldn't be mad, he was protecting her mental health by staying with her even though they were totally done, she was unstable, etc.) and we were in a full-blown romantic and sexual affair for a few months. He ended up kind of ghosting me after that, gaslighting me about the seriousness of our relationship, and continuing to date his girlfriend until she left him for another guy (good riddance lol).
I struggled with trust and self-loathing for a long time after that. Ended up dedicating my life to researching and treating infidelity/relational challenges. I now work as a couples therapist and am very passionate about what I do!
I want to someday publish research on the psychological rationalization and aftermath that extradyadic partners (homewreckers) experience. For how common it is, there is virtually no research about that third person, what gets them to participate, and the impact. I am also in a loving relationship with a great guy.
The Ultimatum Didn't Work Out
Lived with a guy for several years that was sort of the home wrecker. Basically he was shagging a married chick that had 2 kids. She would hang out at our place a lot. Eventually roomie caught the feels for her and gave her an ultimatum: to leave her husband and be with him.
Well as you can all guess she did not. So he called her husband and told him about the affair. In the end her and her husband are still together and my roomie got lost in drugs. He later got arrested and spent a few years in TDOC custody.
I no longer speak to either.
I Deserve It
Had an affair with a married man.
Yes, I knew he was married. Yes, I knew his wife. Yes, I thought she "didn't understand him" and we were true love. Yes, he ended up cheating on me with a married woman who ended up leaving her 2nd husband for him.
They are still together. It was the worst thing I ever did and I hope when I die his ex-wife joyfully dances on my grave; I deserve it.
Running From Proud Boys
Here's the story, and I'll leave it to to you guys whether or not I'm in the wrong. I'm too deep into it now for it to matter either way.
I had known my best friend for about a decade when this all went down. We were about as close as friends can be, even though we lived in different states. Talked to each other almost daily to check in, knew pretty much everything there was to know about each other. She had been with the same boyfriend for about five of those years.
I was supportive of their relationship for a while, as we always had been with each other's romantic trysts. But the last two years had seen a number of giant red flags pointing to evidence of abuse. She eventually admitted it to me, but begged me not to get involved. I decided to anyway after she attempted suicide.
I moved out to her state under other pretenses (I had been planning on going back to school anyway, I just made sure it was near where she lived). She and I hadn't spent much time in person together for a number of years, so there was a lot of making up for lost time. Now that I was closer, I saw all kinds of evidence of gaslighting, verbal, and physical abuse. They also ostensibly had an "open" relationship, which was basically just a way to justify his cheating on her.
When a third party mentioned that he seemed to take part in outside affairs way more than she did, he jokingly started encouraging me to sleep with her. This continued for another month or two, with him constantly pushing me to sleep with her so everyone would get off his back. Long story short, we did we did end up in bed together. And then we continued to do it for the next week, whenever we had the chance. A lot of deeply buried feelings came out during this, and we realized we had been in love with each other for a long time.
So she dumped him. We had to flee the state pretty soon after. The ex was a member of a group of White supremacists who called themselves Proud Boys (I don't know if it's the same ones who have featured so prominently in recent weeks), and he had rallied his racist buddies to kill us. I'm a Jew anyway, so they just needed an excuse.
We've been married for almost eight years now. Our son just turned five.
High School Mean Girli know right mean girls GIFGiphy
I suppose high school is too young to be considered a home wrecker, but back then I was so desperate for love that I back stabbed almost every female friend I had.
I'm very aware of it now, and I'm just sad that I was that person. I feel bad for everyone that I hurt. Especially because high school guys are really stupid, and they weren't worth what I ended up going through as a result of hurting people.
19 And Naive
Ughhh....here it goes. Slept with a married man for years. He lied and told me they were divorcing as soon as the kids got out of high school and they were only together for the kids. She ended up showing up at my work and confronted me....of course I told the truth and holy sh*t did my life suck after that.
I fell for the lies hook, line and sinker. Turns out he was a sex addict. Had been with many, many women and I guess I was the only one dumb enough to tell her the truth.
I was know as the "home wrecker" and 20 years later it still gets thrown in my face.
She actually believed his dumb-ass and she just assumed I was some crazy girl. I literally gave her details about her home, bed, etc and she still thought I was lying. His charades went on for many years after...like 15 more years...until the gig was up. Too many women were now coming forward and accusing him of cheating and lying.
They finally divorced just recently. I saw her at a local gathering and wanted to apologize to her so badly, but the look of disgust on her face was too intimidating. It is something I will regret for the rest of my entire life.
Funny how the one that had vows and children with her got zero punishment, yet I got bashed and shunned for falling for his BS. I was only a teenager (19) then. It literally destroyed my life and self-esteem. He was a professional manipulator that took advantage of a young naïve girl and wrecked her young world.
It's like he got away with it free and clear. She was so in denial until she busted him with one of her friends and broke up their marriage. But she STILL stayed with him after that!
I wish I would have known the impact it would have on the rest of my life then. Literally 20 years later it still gets brought up. We were having a get together at my house and someone felt the need to tell my husband (as if he didnt know) and it blew up into a big mess. I was so "in love" with him and had many plans for our future once his kids moved out. How dumb I was.
The people in my life that matter all know about it and know that I was completely taken advantage. God, I hate that man.
They're The Ones Making The Choice
I've been with a few married, engaged and otherwise attached girls.
It doesn't bother me now, and it didn't when I did it. They were up-front about their status, and I didn't particularly care one way or the other. I'm not the one that caused them to make their decisions.
I don't know why it should bother me; they were all adults and made their own decisions.
I'm The Sort Of Person Who Could Do That
I felt guilty pretty much all the time, but at that point I was severely depressed, I'd never felt anything close to happy and I was fully convinced I never would again. I tried to rationalize it a million ways but a part of me always hated myself for it. Yet at the same time I couldn't find the mental strength to break out of it. Until they told me they were going to marry their partner.. that snapped me out of denial and I finally managed to do the right thing and get out of the situation.
I don't regret it in the sense that I know I did my best given my mental state at the time, but I will always wish I didn't find out that I'm the sort of person who could do something like that.
I was in a polyamorous relationship with a married couple. The wife ended up being psycho and abusive to the husband. I started pointing it out to him. She didn't like that and broke us all up. The husband and I reconnected because he was miserable. He needed someone he trusted to talk to. He left her and moved in with me. We're now married and having a baby.
His ex is still awful and makes it very difficult to see his kids.
We're happy together and we have a very healthy relationship. I do feel bad for being involved in the end of a marriage, but honestly she was terribly abusive.
Nothing I Wouldn't Risk
I lost everything except my dogs. 5 ish years later, I still haven't recovered from the series of events and poor decisions it set in motion.
I don't regret it though. I realize I was a fool for thinking it would work out and we would get married or whatever, but it was the happiest I have ever been, and there wasn't anything I wouldn't have risked to live the rest of my life like that.
The Side Chick Who Had No Idea
I just found out my engagement of 5 years was a fraud. I was getting impatient and wanted our relationship to move forward and I started to ask questions and snoop. Ends up he was married the whole time.
I was the side chick who probably was seen as a home wrecker and I had no idea. He told me he was divorced from day one.
TylerOh No Facepalm GIF by moodmanGiphy
I met this guy named Tyler on a dating app and we got along and everything seemed fine. One day I get a text from a number I don't know and they tell me that they are Tyler's wife and ask if I've had sex with Tyler. Thankfully we didn't have sex yet but she tells me she wants me to send her any text messages I have between Tyler and I so she can use them as evidence when she divorces him.
Found out from his wife that Tyler has been cheating on her with multiple women for months and even had another apartment that he would take women to so they could fck. Not only that, but he had 2 small kids. I felt like such a sl*t, I know I didn't know he had a wife but it made me feel so horrible that I was flirting and almost went on a date with a married man. I hope his wife went through with the divorce, she deserves better.
That's the thing with the term "home wrecker" a lot of women are dragged into it. You didn't know so it's not your fault but thank Goodness you dodged a bullet to!
I slept with my boss a few times, with permission from his wife (they had an open marriage and would regularly have "side pieces"). A year later, they were starting divorce proceedings, we were still working together. She was really controlling and- turns out, vindictive as Hell. She was moving things out of their house when he was at work one day and she got into his computer, screenshot messages between he and I about hooking up from the year before and got him fired. I've always felt so bad for that and his life went way downhill from there.
Not Proud, But It's The Truth
So, looking back on this, I'm not proud of this. My only excuse is that in an abusive friendship at the time and didn't have much of a sense of self-confidence or self-worth.
Back in High School, there was a girl who had a crush on me. I was pining for a different girl, and didn't really notice. Nothing really happened.
A few years later, in my early 20s, we got in contact and started chatting on MSN messenger. We meet up one night, and one thing leads to another, and we end up making out with some fondling.
She had a fiance at this time. I knew.
We make plans to hang out the next day. We watch a movie, and right after we had sex. I actually lost my virginity that day.
After that nothing happened and we eventually lost contact with each other. Last I heard she was now married to the guy and had a kid with him.
Looking back on it, I know it was wrong. But at the time... it was a big confidence booster that I needed. It felt really good to know that a girl wanted to have sex with me enough to risk her relationship to do so. I'm definitely not proud of feeling that way, but it's the truth of what I felt.
And while some people might be angry with this, I can't say that, even today, I regret it. I wouldn't do it today, even if I was single, but I can't say I regret. It's completely selfish, but I was in a bad place at the time, and it was what I needed.
I Fell For The Lies
I fell for the lies- they are breaking up soon, she's waiting for the kid to graduate high school, they haven't had sex in years, she's already seeing someone else...he even brought me to their house to see her boxes to prove she was leaving (ends up they were for their jointly purchased vacation house)- I was realizing slowly that it wasn't all adding up when he "accidentally" left his phone unlocked while she was home.
She called me livid- I refused to talk to her but told her I'd text as long as she wanted. She kept trying to goad me- saying I had to have known, they had sex all the time, they just bought a vacation house- I told her it really didn't matter- I didn't know they were "together" and as far as I was concerned he was all hers.
She contacted me again a week later saying he told her I was just some crazy chick who wouldn't leave him alone- I told her a few details to show I wasn't lying but again it didn't really matter, I was done with him.
She contacted me AGAIN a month after that saying she's dug through more of his emails and I wasn't the only one- I told her it didn't matter to me, I hadn't had anything to do with him since the first time she called...that seemed to break her. I think she wanted to just blame it all on me, but clearly he's been doing this awhile.
Ran into him months later, he asked how I'd been, I asked how SHE was- he said she'd left him not long after that last call. I said she was a smart girl.
I still feel terribly guilty- I should have seen right through all that crap. I have/had trust issues with relationships since then.
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Much as we might try to deny it, who hasn't found themselves dealing with one of "those colleagues" at work?
The sort of colleague where work gets done in spite of them, who doesn't seem to possess any of the basic qualifications their position requires, who uses up all their paid sick days at the very beginning of the calendar year.
The kind of employee where we're often left wondering, "how did they get that job?"
Then, when we actually do a little digging, we might learn the answer to that very question.
Often resulting in our making a surprising, if not downright humbling, discovery.
"Why hasn’t that “one guy” at your job been fired yet?"
"He ended up leaving work the day management was going to talk to him about his behavior and got into a severe motorcycle accident."- eatsbrainz
Just Not Possible
"Cuz he’s the boss."- Hotline-Furi
A Little Manipulation Goes A Long Way
"Because his supervisor is in love with him."
"He’s 'charming, charismatic, and everyone loves him'."
"He’s really close to the manager and his mom used to work for the company as well."
"She left a path for him to walk on."
"As my co worker once said, 'he harasses us but gets rewards'.”Happy Penn Badgley GIF by LifetimeGiphy
"If you were ever to meet him, he makes you feel like you’re the king of the world but he’s really scummy."
"He’ll make you believe you’re incredible and valuable but will talk sh*t about you to other people."
"It’s a shame because he’s taken advantage of a lot people and a lot of things at work."
"I thought he was the coolest guy around until I started observe him and his demeanor around others."- Low_Excitement_5339·
A Sign Of The Times
"We are so short-staffed and ratios need to be met in classrooms."
"A body is better than no body, in the eyes of admin at least."
"Some days I'd rather work short-handed than work around a useless/annoying person."
"I end up doing their job anyway."- quietly_anxious
Just The Way Things Are...
'Office politics."- defensiveminded2020Bored Season 3 GIF by The OfficeGiphy
...Rather Not Answer...
"What if that one guy is you?"- dizzyrazor
"Because he goes to my boss's church."
"My boss has somehow hired at least 8 people from his church."- SparklesLuvsScotch
"She’s the boss's daughter."
"In the past 6 months, they have hired over 100 people, 3 of them are still working there."
"Every one of them quit because of her and very outwardly expressed that but no one will fire her."- RedditVeronica Lodge Daddy GIF by Camila MendesGiphy
Do We Really Want Them To Get Fired?
"The one guy at my job just got fired 3 days ago, after years of doing nothing."
"Now I can't use his continued employment as my assurance of job security."- i_make_potholes
"I legitimately don't know."
"I've been sending my bosses emails about her dropping the ball on many things and even causing several catastrophic failures for our customers."
"They promise me they are documenting everything and to be patient but my boss has his head in the sand and is not really doing anything."
"I think it's catching up to him though because corporate is starting to look at this office more closely."- CamStorm
"IDK, he sits and f*cking texts WHEN PEOPLE ARE IN LINE FOR THE REGISTER."
"Pisses me off."- Public_Living_3344Bored Grocery Store GIF by TravisGiphy
Charisma Overshadows Many Flaws
"He’s 'nice' and chatty and gets along really well with our customers."
"He will go into an office, not do anything or make something worse than it was before the repair, bill them hundreds of dollars, someone else will have to go in and fix it right and bill them more, and they’ll still request him."
"They’re actually more likely to complain about the guy who went in and fixed it correctly and would have billed them half as much and been done in trip had they started the job."- makenzie71
Fear Of Feelings Getting Hurt
"Because his boss avoids conflict."
"So we get to deal with the sh*t for brains creeper instead of him being thrown out on his a**."- No-Patient1365
Hopefully, Just A Matter Of Time...
"You don’t get fired for being bad at your job, you get fired for making a scene."- sleekandspicyFed Up Reaction GIFGiphy
Everyone deserves a second chance.
But if people are incapable, or worse unwilling, to learn, is there really any chance their work will improve?
When "that employee" is your boss, then the question is ultimately irrelevant.
Audiences today are too savvy and unforgiving.
There are so many cinematic aspects that leave so many of us irritated.
And one of the big reasons is that they know they can make them better.
Give me a quick million, you won't be disappointed.
Redditor Ecstatictobehere wanted everyone to vent about everything wrong with movies and Hollywood, so they asked:
"What pisses you off about new movies these days?"
I'm exhausted with the lack of originality.
There are too many talented out there for this.
Turn it down...Race Fans GIF by Formula 1Giphy
"The disparity in volume, explosions are so loud that they hurt and conversations are whispers... I stopped going to the cinema and started waiting for them to be available at any streaming service so I can turn it down or up and so I can enjoy it."
"I have a bone to pick with comedy in general. I felt that ever since the Anchorman era, we just decided that comedy movies were in the line of sketch comedy."
"Create funny situation, let a comedian riff for 20 minutes, take the best take and move on to next funny situation. Which is why comedy movie plots have SUCKED since the early 2000s."
"Sure I love Kristen Whiig, Will Ferral, John C Reilly, Mellissa McCarthy, etc, but damn, I can't help but think that some comedies that have come out int the last 20 years would be memorable if they wrote a funny script instead of making a 120 min sketch show."
"Most movies are getting watered down for the sake of mass appeal. I get why, but it just sucks."
"Some say this is a result of streaming platforms. People used to be able to take risks on movie making because if they didn't do well in theatrical release, there was still a chance for it to become a cult classic and make money with DVD sales down the road. That is no longer an option because everything is streamed for free so now making a movie that doesn't immediately appeal to a large audience is a bad investment."
Lost in Translation
"Not just movies but TV shows - they take a book that's got great reviews, make a poor job of translating it on screen and then flip the ending so it's the opposite of what happened in the book. Proceeds to blame the audience when they pan it for being crap."
BlahBored Season 5 GIF by The OfficeGiphy
"Lack of originality and a reliance on franchises."
Enough with franchises and reboots. Lord.
Some light please!jerry cant see GIF by HULUGiphy
"How dark they are. Like literally dark. It's difficult to see what's going on, especially for those of us with vision problems."
Break it Down
"For horror and mystery, everything having to be explained."
"A movie like the original Alien would be lambasted by online critics if it were released today, for the simple reason that by the end of it you know next to nothing about what happened. What was the creature? What was the derelict? Why did the company want it, really? The movie has stood the test of time precisely because it avoided answering those and other questions."
Too Much Redo
"The overuse of cover songs. Recently been a lot of classic rock songs covered by an artist who recorded a slowed version of it. Just saw the trailer for the new Ant Man. It also does this."
"This has been bugging me lately. They do it in commercials too. The cover is slowed way down with a melancholic, reverb-heavy voice. Extra points if you take a classic 'happy' song and add minor chords to it so it sounds threatening."
Too Many Cooks
"A lot of movies feel like they were written by a marketing department. It feels like they got 10 execs in a room and everyone wrote down ideas, characters, plot-points, etc that they know will sell - and then tried to organize them into a narrative structure."
"There's no vision. There's no plot progression. Its just one random event next to another random event, and characters delivering sh*tty one-liners. Like writing madlibs. Even B-movies from the 80's and 90's have better narrative structure and story-telling than half the new movies out today."
GiveawaysCybill Shepherd Applause GIF by SHE'S FUNNY THAT WAYGiphy
"Trailers. They're always about 4 minutes long, give away the entire plot, show all the best scenes and jokes and basically ruin the movie before you've even watched it."
Do better filmmakers.
We're watching. Sadly...
There are two groups of people in this world.
Those who believe in monogamy and those who don't.
People cheat. It's just the way some humans work.
If you're an avid soap opera fan, as I am, then you'll understand that infidelity is part of the package.
Redditor zabalansu wanted to know why we cheat, so they asked:
"Why did you cheat on your partner?"
I've cheated. Because I knew it was already over and I was too much a coward to admit it.
Bad IdeasTom And Jerry Reaction GIFGiphy
"I was drinking and doing a lot of drugs... it honestly turned me into a careless piece of crap for a long time!"
"I cheated once, and it was because she'd cheated on me. I'd already been cheated on before so it was like: 'Well: this time I'm getting revenge.'"
"I didn't feel any better. Made me feel almost as shi**y as I thought she was. She was angry as f**k, but I can't honestly say it was any different than any of the other gals that get pissed off when you break up with them. Haven't cheated since."
"If you're getting cheated on, don't demean yourself by sinking to their level. Just give 'em the boot."
"Because I truly had no idea what a healthy or functional relationship looked like. My parents were married for almost 30 years and had already started the cycle of cheating on each other well before I was born. My grandma used to tell me stories of being friends with my grandpa’s girlfriends 'because she just wasn’t toxic and jealous like other women.'"
"In the relationship where I cheated, I was being treated like garbage. Financially supporting us both even though I was ten years younger and a waitress, enduring a lot of abuse from a very broken man. I felt trapped in the same cycle I had watched my mom and my grandma live, I didn’t really know better."
"A guy at work started paying attention to me, and I loved it. He was sweet and poetic and romantic, committed to helping his sister raise his niece, was out of the house and working instead of drinking my paycheck away and punching holes in my walls. A little harmless work flirting quickly escalated and before I knew it, I was having a whole a** affair."
"I started to prepare myself to leave my boyfriend for my affair partner, when I found out that my boyfriend had been cheating on me with anyone he could find on Craigslist (including stealing money from me to pay sex workers). Any guilt I felt for cheating evaporated right then."
"I threw all my clothes in a trash bag and drove to my affair partners house, ready to start our new life together. He had another girl over, basically admitted that a lot of what he had said to me was because he thought I would never leave. All in all, it was a mess. If you’re unhappy in your relationship, do the work that will either fix it or get you out. That new person is flawed too. They won’t fix you or fulfill you, only you can do that."
"Because my wife told me that she was no longer interested in having sex with me, she didn't want me having it with anyone else, and she 'forbade' me from watching porn (I still did the latter, but we could never discuss it or she'd freak out.)"
"So to get my sexual needs met by someone other than myself, for several years, a few times per year I paid a sex worker for a happy ending massage. This was still cheating, but I rationalized it as the 'mildest form' of cheating possible. No chance of an STI, no chance of an unwanted pregnancy, no emotional involvement. I knew it was wrong, but at the time I felt like it was my best choice out of several lousy choices."
"I realize now I should have just said at the time, 'I want a divorce.' That's where we ended up anyway, and I would have saved myself, my wife, and our kids some needless pain over the years. By cheating on her (and hiding it from her), I made it so much worse when she eventually found out."
"To cheaters on here, I would say: get out of your relationship. If you're cheating, you're clearly not happy. Do yourself and your partner a favor and just end it now, before it all goes to hell."
The Worstmaury GIFGiphy
"Because I wasn't over my ex and when she came knocking I didn't value my new relationship enough and crossed a line I never will lower myself to cross again. You feel like sh*t for years after it, really not worth it no matter how you try to justify it to yourself at the time."
Getting over and getting under... all stressful options.
A MessSteve Harvey Reaction GIFGiphy
"Drunk and being hit on by a bendy yoga teacher. Got caught in the same day. It was a sh**show."
In the Dark Place
"I came here to try and understand what goes on in someone's head when this happens because I've been cheated on sexually and emotionally. Instead I'm just left feeling sorry for the people in this thread. So many people in such a dark place pulling their partners down to an equally dark place. I hope everyone here that has cheated has grow and gotten help. And that they can pursue a healthy and fulfilling relationship after they've grown past that."
"For the people that have been cheated on, I'm sorry all of you went through that and I hope it never happens again. Sometimes it feels like something I'll never fully recover from and other times I refuse to let past hurts ruin the chance of something good happening. So I want the people who have been hurt by their partners cheating to know just because it's happened once doesn't mean it will again and good things can still happen for you."
"Because I was too chicken s**t to get a divorce because I was wildly unhappy and too proud to go to therapy to fix the marriage. So I cheated, got caught, and have since been to a ton of therapy and am getting a divorce. Even though I’m happy to have this relationship in my rear view, cheating is my life’s biggest regret."
That's messed up...
"This was me a decade ago. It was just one time. I had somehow rationalized if I cheated he could then just hate me. That would hurt less than me telling him I didn't love him anymore and I wanted out. He was a good partner, but I fell out of love with him."
"The latter would've been the honorable thing to do. He was going to be hurt either way! I was just doing mental gymnastics to justify my reasoning - really I just liked the attention that I wasn't getting at home. That's messed up. I worked a lot on myself and go to therapy. I'm a much better partner now, and I haven't done it since."
WorthlessWill Smith Smh GIF by The Academy AwardsGiphy
"Because she cheated on me first. I don’t ever recommend such a stupid f**king decision. It isn’t worth it, folks. I normally considered myself strong and stoic before that? I don’t have a foot to stand on now. It wasn’t worth it."
"I felt an intimacy connection with someone which I’d never had before. In retrospect it’s one of the dumbest and stupidest things I ever could have done. It wasn’t at all worth what it has now become. I’ve lost my entire family and have no respect from the people that matter most to me. 10/10 would not recommend and would never do again. I lost it all for something that never even really mattered. I had it all in front of me, I just refused to see it."
Well, love isn't always forever and intimacy is something we work on every single day.
Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Relationships, whether that means dating or being in some form of a long-term relationship, are hard, and that definitely includes sexual intimacy. Whether it's trying to keep things interesting or staying connected after a long time of being together, many people struggle to stay intimate with their partner.
But some may be surprised at just how long some people go without having sex.
Redditor ItsRainingAlberts asked:
"What is the longest you've gone without sex, and why did you go so long?"
"A year. I was shattered from a break-up (two years ago)."
"Now I'm enjoying the dating scene."
"A little over two years. I had no partner and wasn't really interested in finding one at that moment, and casual sex did nothing at all for me anymore. I didn't care about sex much at all during that period of my life."
A Dissolved Marriage
"Over three years. My wife wouldn’t touch me and I remained faithful."
"Now divorced at 40, it’s kind of hard to meet people, so the counter continues to go up."
"I'm doing mostly better since the breakup. I'm still struggling with seeing my daughter less and balancing work life and meager attempts of putting myself out there to meet new people."
"Seven or eight years. Three or four years because my husband wasn't able to anymore, and almost five years since he died."
"I have no interest at all in looking for another life partner but I had tons of sex in my 20s so I'm all good now."
"About a year now since my ex broke up with me. I haven't gotten anything since and probably won't for a while as I'm not very good at socializing, especially with people I'm interested in."
"Since I had sex for the first time at age 16, the longest I have gone without was four years, from 2017 to 2021."
"Why? Because I'm now a single male in my late 40s. I have never had the desire to get married, and I don't do well in relationships."
"Most women in my age group are now married, and the ones who aren't are not interested in FWB (Friends With Benefits) relationships or one-night stands."
"I'm lucky to have found a woman who's interested in FWB, who's 27, and who has an obsession with older men, but women like her don't grow on trees."
"Since my last relationship, all of my sexual encounters have been spontaneous, casual, and overall kind of meh."
"I will never have children or date someone with children and in your 30s that eliminates everyone. I'm at 2 years myself and while it sometimes gets lonely I've learned to like having 100% of my time belong to me."
"Two and a half years... still going strong. I don't want to get with someone again for now due to past experiences."
"I've had my fair share of relationships, and the sex (most of the time) wasn't bad but very good, the relationship though wasn't good a lot of the time, and in a relationship, I look for more than just sex, and I don't look for sex without a relationship."
"So for now, I'm good, and if I never have it again, I won't really cry about it."
The Importance of Intimacy
"A... while. Having sex is an incredibly intimate experience, and it can be hard to recover from bad experiences."
"I feel like a relationship is more than just the physical, the emotional bond and love, and support is what holds a relationship together. If you can't find that mutual love and respect, it doesn't matter how great the sex is."
An Evolving Relationship
"The last four years. Ever since my twins were born, my wife has had zero sex drive."
"We do the deed once, maybe twice, a year. I wish things were different, but I love her and if that’s all I get, then I’m willing to accept that."
The Way It Used to Be
"My husband has the same issue but shows me affection in other ways so I don't want to leave. Just wish that part was still there."
Low Point in Life
"I'm going on almost eight years now. I had a major life event where I lost everything, and the subsequent depression killed any desire to be with another human."
"I don’t even like to be touched now. I look at myself in the mirror and I am disgusted. I’m not ugly, but I have let myself go to a point where my physical looks match what I think I mentally look like."
"I haven’t had sex in close to five years now, by choice. My antidepressants killed my sex drive so now I have zero interest."
"14 years and counting. I went through some pretty awful medical s**t that year, and one of the side effects is no more sex. This has been, as they said in ancient Babylonia, 'a real bummer.'"
While the reasons for not experiencing sexual intimacy are all across the board, people who are currently missing the experience can at least take some comfort in how common of an issue this seems to be.
Do you have any similar experiences or anything to share? Let us know in the comments below.