The cruel reality of life is our looming expiration dates as we age like fine wine.
But now that we've acknowledged a hopefully much-delayed inevitable, it's easy to make the most of our time on this planet and fill it with joy and as much gut-busting fits of laughter.
That meanas not dwelling on the little things that drive us crazy. Because ultimately, are they ever really that bad?
Probably not. We don't have time for that.
"What sh*t are you getting too old for?"
These Redditors talk about protecting their physical temple, since it's the only one we've got.
Blocking Harmful Rays
"Not wearing sunscreen. Just had my 1st melanoma cut out of my arm. Wear sunscreen kids."
Catching More Zzz's
"Staying up past my bedtime."
"Agreed. I'm currently up past my bedtime and I know I'm gonna regret it.. yet here I am."
These people have become less concerned about nonsense behaviors.
You Do You
"I'm too old to give a damn whether people think my pastimes are ridiculous."
Making Excuses
"BS excuses. Stop trying to make up elaborate, unbelievable stories. Just tell me you forgot, or you overslept, or whatever. It's fine. I get it. But don't expect me to believe your convoluted, half-@ss ramblings. Grow up and own your shortcomings."
Owning The Inner Nerd
"I love that the older I get, the deeper I steep into this pool of 'self.' I used to be deeply secretive of everything I was interested in because it could be seen as 'nerdy' and didn't jive with my 'outer persona'...but now at 31 with a kid of my own, I'm like who gives a f'k? If someone actually cares and thinks I'm a nerd for studying history in my spare time, then bye..? My opinion of you plummeted and I no longer want you in my vicinity."
"I really wish I could instill this in my daughter too, but I know it's not something you can really teach. You have to live through it and come to the conclusion yourself...whenever that may be."
Getting Territorial
"These kids on my damn lawn!"
"OMG spot on. I just moved into a new home a month ago. My lawn is dead because the previous owners had moved out months prior and no one watered, so the lawn looks terrible"
"Three neighborhood kids come running down the street playing a game, running through lawns and all, innocent, not destroying anything - and I about lost my shit. 'GET OFF MY LAWN' I yelled out the window. Then immediately felt guilty and old LOL"
"I'm only 40 btw."
A person wasting time beating around the bush to convey their thoughts was considered a huge time suck.
Saying What You Mean To Say
"Playing 'interpret the text message' with people I am dating. I am going to accept what you are saying at face value, and if your actions don't match, I will likely call you on it and flat out ask what's up. We're not teenagers anymore, and I left teenage angst behind long ago!"
Mature Enough To Handle Rejection
"Best part of being an adult. You can cut the bullsh*t."
"With the last girl I dated before I met my wife, I had a sense that her heart really wasn't in it. So I just straight up asked her if that was the case."
'Are you invested in this relationship at all? I won't be angry with your answer, I just need to know if I'm gonna keep making an effort.'
'Honestly, no. You're a great guy but I'm just not feeling it.'
'Good to know. It's been fun, thanks for being honest.'
"Life's too f'king short to jerk people around, or allow it to happen to you."
No Time For Decoding Texts
"When my wife and I first got together I had to explain it to her I have no interest in deciphering anything, just tell me exactly what you want and we'll be good. One of the reasons my ex and I are not together was that I got real tired of 'I know I sent you these exact words, but what I REALLY meant was (something different entirely) AND YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT!'"
Throughout my early adulthood, I've always avoided confrontation.
I've hated it. I always thought if something bothered me enough, the annoyance over something or beef I have with someone would dissipate. But it doesn't. Not for me anyway.
My pent-up resentment was crippling and I've blown up at inappropriate moments when I could've addressed my issues earlier when the collateral damage would've been more minimal.
I speak up more now, and it's no longer something I cower over. The results have been more positive than I ever imagined.
Redditor pterv2112 wanted to hear about the things that are truthfully not so simple.
"What looks easy peasy lemon squeezy but is actually difficult difficult lemon difficult?"
Monopoly. For the life of me, I can't get the hang of that game. I don't care anymore.
Play it...
Saturday Night Live Happy Dance GIFGiphy"Playing the triangle. A lot of my non-musician friends joke about how easy it is to play it. Then they actually hold the damn thing and look stupid."
phamtasticgamer
It's A Lot!
"Work. I'm a lawyer and had a client call saying she needs a help with a merger, but 'don't worry, it's super easy peasy lemon squeezy.' That project took 6 months and I almost had a breakdown. She didn't understand why the bill was so high since it was SO easy."
moekay
"Gotta love how the layman lumps all lawyers together as the sleazy snakeoil salesman type without realizing or appreciating the sheer complexity of the legal work involved."
cotidie_abide
Body Moves
"Dancing. I wouldn't say it looks 'easy,' but when I see people do it, they're so good at it and it flows so well it looks easy. But damn, I just CANNOT get my body to do anything more than a bop and maybe some stupid arm moves. I'm 25 and dance like a 50 year old at a reunion. Dancers are so delicate and make it look so easy, it's honestly amazing. It's just hilarious when I try to do literally anything and fail horribly."
MiloAlbertsky
Fingered
"Whistling with your fingers."
SimplySolstice
"My cousin taught me when we were in our tweens. It's come in very helpful whistling for the dogs and horses at feeding time."
"What I always wanted to learn was how my grandpa whistled without having to stick dirty fingers in my mouth. Nothing like cleaning stalls, then trying to whistle for horses with sh*t-covered hands. Washing them in near-freezing buckets of water wasn't a first choice either."
flecksable_flyer
It's a...
Studying Hand-Made GIF by Philippa RiceGiphy"Drawing something from memory. Like a bird or something. In mind - yep that's a bird On paper - that's... a bird?"
KayGlo
Drawing birds is impossible; mine look like mules.
Go Deep
Digging Blue Collar GIF by JC Property ProfessionalsGiphy"Digging. Anytime it's shown in movies or TV it looks easy AF but the second you have to grab a shovel and break dirt... bleh."
justaboredfarmer
Hello Doc
"A basic physical exam at the doctor. Looks like a simple 'look at the throat' - 'listen to the chest' - 'yup they have a heart all right.' When in actuality Doctors spend thousands of hours practicing it so that when you come in with a murmur or 'Funny-looking-kid-syndrome' they can recognize it immediately."
"And yes, there are entire class sections on how to respectfully ask your patient to turn their head and cough as you push on their testicles (they're looking for hernias)."
RobheadOW
Variations
"Street names. Everyone thinks it's great fun and likes to offer suggestions but every tree, lake, and other natural feature has at least a dozen variations which you can't repeat for emergency service reasons. That and you get cities which want a street name change anytime the road changes direction regardless of a logical break point like an intersection."
blue_fox_13
Being Regular
"'Natural' makeup. More work than 'regular' makeup."
Lockshala
"To be honest this reminds me of a video I watched of a visual effects artist explaining his job, If no one notices your work on the footage you've done your job well, its only when you mess up do people notice."
EON199
"This is painfully true for a lot of jobs. When nobody notices, it means you did an excellent job but no one will give you credit because they aren't even aware there is credit due. But the moment you slightly f**k up, you're the worst person in your profession."
BreakfastCheesecake
The Squeeze
As If Lol GIF by MOODMANGiphy"Making lemonade. Sure squeezing one lemon is easy peasy, but do you know how much juice that makes? Not a lot."
PrimaryOstrich
I love Lemonade... the drink and the album... but I have no patience to make it.
Redditor erin214 wanted to discuss all the movies most of us just don't get.
"What movie do you just not get?"
There are so many movies to bring up. But we don't have all day... let's discuss.
I'm Lost
david lynch GIFGiphy"Mullholland Drive. David Lynch once said there is definitely a coherent story and you can figure it out if you just pay attention. I don't believe him."
EingestricheneOktave
Bad Job
"The Nut Job. I get that it's a kid's movie and the expectations aren't high but that movie feels 15 years older than it is and it's full of the cheesiest one liners over and over. It feels so low budget yet the cast is nothing but stars."
Clcooper423
"It's just mediocre. Saw it once when it came out, laughed about it and enjoyed it then but never have had the urge to watch it again."
So many twists...
"Primer. Can’t follow it. I tried; I even looked up the diagrams. I cannot follow that movie for the life of me."
blackesthearted
"I think it's just ok to not get it all. When I watch Primer I don't try to follow it all, I just understand the gist of it and understand that it does all make sense on paper and enjoy the show. Don't get too caught up in following all of the twists, it's too clever for it's own good. Really great movie, though."
AtraposJM
Endings
"I consider myself a mild movie buff and pay attention diligently when watching any movie. But when I watched I’m Thinking of Ending Things with Jesse Plemons I had no sweet clue what was going on."
WeirdAlsToyBarn
"In a nutshell: the only 'real' character in the movie is the old janitor who freezes to death at the end. Everything else is his delusional fantasy of how his life could/should have been, mixed with memories of the grim reality of why it turned out the way it did. We're observing his thought process."
elerner
Headaches...
Screaming Jennifer Lawrence GIF by mother!Giphy"Mother."
amygalvin06
"I feel like mother is how I feel during a migraine. Everything is happening way too fast and I have no idea what’s going on."
A88Y
Mother. Oh brother. That movie.
Bad Mouth
Christian Bale Oooo GIFGiphy"American Psycho. It’s one of my favorite movies so I’m by no means bad mouthing it, but that ending drives me insane. I can’t figure it out. It makes no sense to me. What was the point supposed to be?"
rinehale
Second Time Around
"Tenet."
"Just to clarify, I didn't (don't) hate the movie, I even found the plot cool. But when trying to give it sense, I can't, because a don't fully get it."
tianasky
"I actually liked it better the second time and I think it's because I watched it on a crappy sound system that drops all the low end bass and is mostly mids and highs, making the dialogue easier to hear. The basic entropy reversal premise is still too stupid to consider interesting or clever though. I can't suspend my disbelief in that idea."
CrimsonKnightmare
I see the light...
"The Lighthouse. But I still loved it."
quixoticelixerrr
"I think it's about a man who is mentally ill and gets isolated along with someone he cannot stand, middle of the movie he does say that a coworker died and the film indicate that he killed him, which explains the scene where he smokes a cig by the beach and see all those logs approaching and he sees a body and he walks right towards it, maybe he regrets what he had done, his mind is certainly playing tricks on him, that's just my take."
teriaq2001
Watch Again
"Cloud Atlas. I’m pretty sure you need to go on a mushroom samba to understand it."
HollyCupcakez
"The book makes more sense. It's weird because there is a whole lot in the movie that is lifted very faithfully from the book but there are lots of little intangible bits that don't translate onto the screen well."
Penkala89
"I loved this one! I can see it's a confusing movie, though."
EmileWolfJake Always
Black And White Movie GIF by hoppipGiphy"Donnie Darko. Do I really need a website, a book, and a director’s cut to understand a movie? A little exposition, please."
ColonOBrien
"I love this film and have seen both versions a number of times over the years. I can't explain it though, it's just a vibe I guess. Like that feeling you get when you've just woken up from a vivid dream and haven't adjusted to reality yet."
djstreader
So many of these movies are on my list. It's them not us.
"Lawyers of Reddit, what is a detail that your client failed to bring up to you that completely lost you the case?"
The Whole Truth...
"Opposing counsel: 'Isn’t it true you hit Victim in the face with a brick?"'
"Client: 'No. Marcus hit him with the brick. I hit him in the back with a piece of wood'."- lizard96golf
Thought She Was Being Clever...
"A buddy of mine case as a public defender."
"A gal was busted on drug charges, and told him she didn't have any drugs on her when they arrested her."
"He thought, ok we'll use that."
"Turns out, she didn't have any drugs on her when they arrested her because she just sold them to an undercover cop."- CheapCigars
Choice Of Clothes Can Make A Difference...
"My house was robbed."
"In addition to all the stuff the thief took, he also stole a bunch of my suits and all of my neck ties."
"I had a big collection, like 100 or so."
"However, the thief left fingerprints on a hard plastic box that I kept spare change in."
"Fast forward 3 months, the thief is caught in the act of robbing another house in the same neighborhood, same detectives on my case and this new theft."
"They fingerprint the guy and the fingerprints match the ones from my house."
"At the thief’s arraignment, I see him stroll in wearing my suit and my tie."
"I tell the district attorney, he says there’s really no way to prove it."
"However, the tie he chose to wear was a one of kind street map of San Francisco and I still had all the documentation to prove it."
"The district attorney’s eyes widen and he informs the judge."
"The judge has the thief placed under arrest again for possession of stolen property."
"The thief’s lawyer was dumbfounded."
"It was a nice end to a rough situation!"- West-Operation
suit and tie johnny bananas GIF by 1st LookGiphyNever Depend On Technicalities
"Obligatory not my client."
"Company I worked for at the time was doing due diligence before acquiring a small tech startup."
"The COO of the tech startup was a well-liked guy in the company, friendly and outgoing."
"Though we had heard rumblings that the COO was rather hands-on with the work and with female employees."
"Apparently there was a walk-away package proposed to the COO that would let him keep a sizable portion of his post-acquisition bonus because a young woman who worked in their sales department had filed HR complaints against the COO and obtained counsel."
"I sat in on the meeting with the COO and the company's retained lawyers while they grilled him about his contacts with the young woman."
"The COO denied ever having contact with her within the company without multiple other people present, those people said his behavior toward her in the meetings didn't raise any flag."
"The COO emphatically denied having any contact with her outside of work."
"The lawyers asked the question a half-dozen different ways and each time the COO denied any out of work contact."
"Later we meet with the woman and her lawyer with the COO not present."
"Her lawyer gives us a rather graphic card that came with a bouquet of flowers addressed to her from the COO."
"The guy had an account with a florist linked to his credit card."
"When the company-retained lawyers confronted him he said, 'but I never had contact with her'."
"'It's not like I delivered the flowers myself'."
"COO got terminated for cause so no walk-away package."
"At her request the woman was given PTO until after the acquisition then moved to another one of the companies under our umbrella."- GuiltyLawyer
season 5 episode 21 GIFGiphyWho Exactly Am I Talking To?
"Employment case."
"We got to the deposition of my client and all set up."
"The first question is 'please state your name'."
"The client looks at me and says 'can we take a break?'"
"We do and she pulls me out in the hall to tell me she's lied to me about her identity."
"She's apparently a serial fraudster and has changed identities 7 times since the 90s."
"She apparently thought the other attorneys had some how figured it out and that's why they asked the question."- Philosopher422
It's The Little Ones That Get You...
"Minor traffic cases can be the worst for this, believe it or not, because they are short and simple and often times the client isn't there, so if you get blindsided by something critical there's often no chance to consult with them to turn things around."
"I had a simple speeding case, 70mph in a 55."
"No big deal, if she does a driving improvement course they court will usually dismiss or reduce those, since her driving record wasn't bad."
"When I showed up for her, I found out that she had been driving 70 up an unplowed snow lane, to get around all the others cars traveling in the lane that had been plowed because they were driving too slow."
"I didn't know it was even possible to drive 70 on fresh snow."
"The officer stated he'd already cut her a break by not writing the ticket for reckless driving, and the judge politely agreed he didn't feel comfortable reducing it under those circumstances."
"When I called her up after court to confirm, she did, claimed she'd just forgotten to mention it."
"Now maybe I've lived too much of my life in the south, but that just boggles my mind as a detail you'd forget when hiring a lawyer for that incident."
"I would have told her in advance that hiring us was a waste of money, not to mention the hassle of taking an 8 hour class, and she should probably just go ahead and pay this one."
"I legitimately do that all the time during consults."
"Give my honest assessment if the case is even worth doing, and so by omitting that detail she harmed herself for no reason."
"At least she took it well and didn't get defensive."- AmberWavesofFlame
Driving Get Away GIF by Zella DayGiphyDespite the longstanding negative connotations which come with them, lawyers are there to help you.
So it's always the best decision to tell them the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, especially if you're paying for their services.
That, or just obey the law so you won't need one.