The Best Questions To Ask Before You Start Dating Someone
When in the beginning stages of dating, it's important to know as much as humanly possible.
The element of surprise is no longer a fun aspect of romance.
Ask the small questions. Ask the hard questions.
Interrogate. Grill. Investigate.
Of course, you should do it with a subtle hand instead of an interrogation lamp.
The truth is all we have.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I DoShocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy
"Are you married?"
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Room TemperatureFrosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy
"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
DiscoveryBlown Away Wow GIF by AminéGiphy
"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
EssentialsTell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy
"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
Reddit user celena6443 asked: 'What's something simple that turns you on?'
Whatever gets you there.
That is my motto when it comes to the ways of seduction.
Turning someone on can be an art form.
Or it can be a simple accident.
Some people have ways that have been perfected.
Other people just stumble along and strike gold.
Redditor celena6443 had some questions about seduction, so they asked:
"What's something simple that turns you on?"
A simple smile gets me all of the time.
"I like it when she’s nice."
"I like it when she's mean but in a nice way."
"Returned interest. If I’m making a move, they’re making it known it’s very welcome."
"This is the one. I am texting a girl who I have no idea if she’s into me or not but she gave me her number, didn’t reply to the last text I sent and I’m just like… well it was a question so I’m definitely not going to text again. Now I sit and wonder. I think I may overthink this whole dating thing."
"Enthusiastic consent is appreciated. If I feel like I'm imposing on someone in any way, it makes me withdraw to avoid being a nuisance. I don't understand why some guys like it when girls display discomfort with romantic vibes."
"My wife’s hips when she’s sitting. Specifically, if she’s in her undies doing her makeup, and I can see the little crease that her side butt/hips make. Don’t know why, but just makes me lose all train of thought if I see it."
"I do indeed lose my train of thought regularly, i.e. whenever my wife changes her crossed legs while sitting on the couch and I'm facing her telling a story."
"Exactly the same for me!! When I told my wife she don’t get it, and it is that line where her thigh meets the hip it's just so hot."
"When she remembers things from previous conversations where I've talked about my hobbies, interests, favorite foods etc etc. I don't tell people these things with the expectation of them remembering or even caring but knowing they've paid attention and cared enough to remember the things I'm passionate about makes me feel valued, respected, and wanted. Anyone who doesn't try to suppress the little kid inside me that is passionate about some dorky things is cool with me."
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"Hug from behind."
"Came to the comments to find this. I’m not a short woman, but my husband is much taller than me and a hug from behind combined with a back-of-neck kiss will get me from 0 to 1000 real quick."
Hug me, hold me, love me.
From behind I feel it.
Not Feet?Hands Nails GIF by 2021 MTV Video Music AwardsGiphy
"Had a casual hookup once who very sensually played with my hands and wow that was a level of intimacy I wasn't aware I could experience, and the immediate go zone it threw me into."
"The way a guy talks. Not just tone of voice but how he uses his words, or if he talks with his hands, etc."
"All my attention-starved ass can think of is positive direct attention. Like, when a person is very clearly interested in talking to you. Instead of passing greetings and bland conversation with the group that could be directed towards anybody who'd listen, they quickly direct their attention towards you and ask questions, trying to get to know you. "
"If someone hot does that... historically I've been too scared to do sh*t, but it definitely gets my heart pounding. Also, boobs. I'm a simple man."
"As an introvert and... I don't know someone who finds prolonged eye contact uncomfortable, if I'm attracted to someone and they are the type where they hold your gaze in conversations, I get sooo flustered so quick just—tingles everywhere."
"This!! Oh, I go weak in my knees when my partner deep gazes into my eyes."
"Sad cringe, but anything that says hey, here's something that I've done for you in my own free time specifically because I remember you saying you liked it, or because I wanted to impress you with something I personally like. I don't know, something (anything) that just reassures me that I'm not just the fat kid on the other end of the seesaw."
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"A compatible sense of humor. I like to make people laugh and have a unique sense of humor so if I make a woman laugh I'll catch feelings pretty quick. but if she makes me laugh I'm gonna be in love."
Laughter is the best medicine.
And the best way to love.
Content Warning: death, accidents, illness.
Death is typically the worst thing that we experience while watching a film or reading a book, but some of us have had the terrible experience of witnessing someone else's death in real life.
Redditor T_A_C_T_B asked:
"People that have seen people die (not in a video but actually in front of you), what happened?"
"Clinically died, but resuscitated."
"I worked in an ER for a month, he rolled in with an AV block so bad, he had an asystole."
"I've seen him gasping for air, then his eyes going out of focus and looking up, and then stopped breathing."
"Chest compressions and dobutamine got him back up. He got an emergency pacemaker implant."
"This is my cousin's story."
"He was five at the time. His mom (my first cousin) was putting him to bed and then she collapsed. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she was just barely breathing."
"He ran downstairs to get help. They called 911, but it was too late. She had a blood clot in her leg that traveled to her lungs. Her lungs started filling with blood. She was gone just like that."
"My mom (her aunt) was on the phone the whole time. I can never get the sound of my mom crying out of my head. It’s the worst sound a kid could ever hear. I was 13 when this happened."
"After that, any time someone had an ache, I was afraid it was a blood clot. Because that’s how my cousin's death started."
"I always have a feeling one of my parents would get into some accident. My dad is a farmer and I heard way too many stories about farming accidents. I experienced way too many people's funerals for my age at the time and death just felt like it was right there. Like it could happen to my friends and family so soon."
"That day changed my life forever. You couldn’t pay me to relive that night."
The Phone Calls
"I heard my grandma coughing and went to check on her. She was stuck in bed I’m not sure how long. Covered in vomit. I tried to help her to the bathroom and I saw the life leave her face. She dropped."
"I did CPR. I got my dad. I called 911. I showed the ambulance which one was my house."
"I saw them shock her. I heard them call time of death. An hour later, my uncle yelled in my face for not calling him first. I was 11."
"I'm an RN, and it happens all the time. Usually they're unconscious already and they just go from looking asleep to not breathing."
"I held my Dad's hand as he passed from lung cancer. My mother held his other hand, and he took his oxygen mask off, knowing what that meant."
"When he started to make some noises and take breaths after he passed, my mother thought he was 'coming back,' and it was heartbreaking. I just had to tell her that this is what happens. He was ready, it was just that we weren't ready to lose him."
"It was (and I know how terrible this sounds) a relief when it was over. He was very clear beforehand he didn't want to be on any machines, it was fully his choice to take off the mask himself, and it was his right to have that choice."
"I miss him every day; he was my Superman, and I'm grateful that I had the chance to thank him for being the best dad in the world."
"If you've lost somebody close or are struggling with grief, I'll save you the platitudes but I'd like to share one thing I found helpful to remember: we don't ever get over losing someone we love so much, but we do learn to adapt and adjust day by day."
"Grief counseling is more helpful than you'd think. My Superman dad arranged for my mother and me to have grief counseling before he died because he knew we were struggling to accept we would lose him, and he was fine and accepted what was happening. It really helped."
Surrounded by Family
"Me, my mom, and my sisters watched my dad die. It was the 'died peacefully surrounded by family' that you often see in obituaries."
"He was bedridden the last few years of his life due to an inoperable tumor. He would get bed sores, and one eventually got infected, and when we got to the hospital, they told us there was really nothing they could do."
"They waited until we were all there before they took him off life support. We all said our goodbyes while he was still somewhat with it, and while he was a little incoherent, his last real words were how much he loved us."
"After that, it was just us waiting. He was propped up in bed with his head down and it seemed no different than just watching someone sleep. It probably took about 17 to 18 hours. We all didn’t stay the whole time, but we were all there holding hands when he passed. We weren’t even 100% sure he was gone but a nurse came in and confirmed."
"No struggle, no pain, just peaceful."
"I will say, though… the worst part (other than the obvious) was the staff asked if we wanted to step outside for a few minutes so they could finish up and get him straightened out (he was hunched over in bed). When we got back into the room, he was positioned to be lying down but his mouth was wide open, looking like Van Gogh’s 'Scream' painting. That hit a lot harder and was more painful than actually watching him take his last breaths."
"Dude got his skull crushed by a f**king street car five feet away from me. I will never get the sound of it out of my mind for as long as I am alive. Drunk and on drugs, the dude tripped while trying to run across the street in front of it."
"F**k me, just typing this is giving me PTSD."
Metastatic Breast Cancer
"I was with my mom when she passed as a result of metastatic breast cancer. She had been in and out of consciousness for a week but hadn't regained consciousness in two days. It was a brutal fight but a fairly peaceful death if that makes sense."
"I saw a poor guy in really bad shape at the part of the hospital where chemo patients sit. Saw a guy just flop over and a woman with him just started wailing. It was terrible."
"That was, for whatever reason, the day I quit Facebook. Just thought life was too fragile to mess around with social media."
"As I type this on Reddit..."
"I work at a hotel as a housekeeper. About a week ago I accidentally entered the wrong room and the man in said room was having a heart attack. I'd forgotten my phone, so I sprinted like mad to inform the manager."
"He was initially still alive, but he died the following morning."
"Teens swimming. All of a sudden they panic, (I was on the other side of a body of water) I ran over, and their friend was underwater. I got him out and did CPR, but he didn’t make it. I dream of the kid sometimes."
"It’s not like the movies when the lungs expel water. Algae and whatever else went in my mouth, and they don’t wake up. At least that was my experience."
"I was helping someone move apartments, and he had a heart attack right in front of me. Paramedics said it was a cardiac arrest from alcohol withdrawals. He didn't even make a sound. He just fell over and that was it."
"I watched my mum take her last breath two weeks ago. After a night of really heavy breathing (heart failure), it went into shallow breathing, her face twitched a little, and went into her sleep."
A Familiar Phrase
"I’ve been working trauma and high-risk healthcare for nearly a quarter century and have seen more people die than I ever would have imagined."
"Reddit constantly downvotes this response, thinking it’s a Marvel reference."
"People really do often say, 'I don’t feel so good,' as their last words. Seasoned healthcare providers know that phrase is serious."
We've all experienced something, with some situations being worse than others. But it's hard to imagine going through something worse than witnessing the final moments of someone's life, knowing there's nothing you can do to prolong their time.
All we can do is practice gratitude in our own lives and hug our loved ones a little tighter today.
We can all agree that we need a healthy dose of fun in our lives, and one sure way of keeping the fun around is to have a hobby we revisit regularly.
But while we can all agree about the importance of having a hobby, we certainly will not all agree about the financial investment involved in many of our options.
Redditor IAmTheQ asked:
"What are your expensive hobbies?"
"I love to travel, which can be expensive. That's why I don't travel that often because I have to save up between trips. But I love traveling to new places and learning about the culture and history. If I was independently wealthy, I'd be traveling constantly."
"I hope you become independently wealthy."
"Simply, I don't get to enjoy it."
"Oil painting. I pay for a studio and sometimes paint is $30 for a small tube. Same with brushes. I can spend a cool $200 on like a couple of tubes of paint and a few paintbrushes once a month easily."
"That sounds out of this world."
"It is indeed astronomically expensive."
Going to Concerts
"Going to concerts."
"Live music is the best way to spend money, I love concerts and shows."
"So much money!"
"Came here to say that. And sometimes it isn't even my horse (I say as I look at a horse in our facility who bowed a tendon and the owner didn't properly start the medical process properly, and I said 'screw it,' and as of today [when I found out about the poor baby], I am now attempting to give this horse a proper shot at healing)."
"I had to stop. It was causing major issues in my marriage. I unfollowed all the record-buying subreddits and started a savings account. I still look, but don't buy. It helps that the prices are stupid now."
"I think you meant to say your marriage was causing major issues in your vinyl collecting."
"Don’t tell non-mountain bikers how much a good dropper seat post costs, much less the complete bikes."
"I grow plants. At first, sure, it was a simple hobby, and cheap. Just a seed and some dirt."
"Then you start doing hydro, experimental techniques, CO2 enrichment, high powered LED lights, and PPFD meters. Then comes the sub-400 wavelength light and light over 700 nm, various sprays, PPM, and pH meters."
"AH, you went cheap before, now you gotta get blue (an expensive brand). Oh, you got some o2 decencies in your water, need an O2 meter. The list goes on and on."
"Cheese making. Why buy a reasonably-sized hunk of fancy cheese at the store when you can spend hundreds of dollars on milk, a couple grand on supplies and equipment, and months of your time on a slightly larger, but not as good tiny wheel of your own?"
"Guitar lessons, guitars, and other guitar-related equipment."
"Teach a man to fish and he eats for a day, but teach a man to play guitar and he never eats again."
Painting in Miniature
"My pile of shame is currently in a massive military surplus duffle bag under my bed."
"I am around 5 feet 10 inches, and can lay down flat in the bag."
"It weighs so much I can't lift it."
Pinball Machine Restoration
"Pinball machines. I have over 100 of them."
"I accidentally fell into the hobby when I bought a pinball machine and was told it just needed to be 'reset' to work. That was a lie and I realized very few people knew how to repair/restore these things."
"Once I learned how I started saving old pinball machines from being destroyed and started a collection. Now the hobby is a lot more popular than it used to be. It's fun to learn and share what I know about the games and the industry. And they're tons of fun to play."
"I created a youtube channel where I post videos of my pinball restorations. Over 500 videos to date."
Building with LEGO
"LEGO. Plastic crack."
"I’ve had $200 worth of sets sitting in my cart on Lego.com just waiting for me to get high or drunk enough to pull the trigger."
"Amazon is like $600… and that doesn’t include wishlists."
"I wish I could afford to invest in the actual company, haha!"
"Skiing. If you ignore the cost of equipment, the cost of season passes, and travel, it's not too bad."
It's so important for us to have an activity that is just ours that brings us incredible joy. But at a certain point, we might need to ask ourselves, "At what cost?"
It takes one revelation about a person you know to suddenly have a completely different view of them.
A hidden talent, for example, can make you more impressed about a friend you had no clue could carry a tune.
Or someone who did an uncredited good deed can change your mind about them after you assumed they were the type of person who could care less about helping others.
But what happens if there's a sinister secret about a person you thought you knew coming to light?
Curious to hear from strangers online, Redditor Electrical-Lemon187 asked:
"What’s the most disturbing secret you’ve discovered about someone close to you?"
You think you know your family.
"The 24 hours before my dad died (stage 4 lung cancer) he was in the ER and then the ICU and we were unable to be with him because of hospital Covid rules. My mother, sister and myself had been texting and calling him all day and got no response. My mother even called the hospital and spoke with one of his ICU nurses who said he was awake and communicating fine. He passed very quickly at 3:30am the next morning. We were allowed to be at his bedside but by then he was no longer conscious so we said our goodbyes and he was gone. Later that morning while my mom slept I was calling cremation services to schedule his body for pick up at the hospital and going through his bag of belongings the hospital had returned to us. His phone was in there and I wanted to read all our texts and take some comfort in my last words to him."
"I opened his phone and all our texts had not been read, not mine or my mom and sister’s. I thought this was so odd but figured he must have been suffering so much he couldn’t find the strength. I began to scroll through his apps and noticed a chat app I’d vaguely heard of. I can’t recall the name but it essentially works like WhatsApp."
"I opened the app and saw a single contact with a female name. I started reading and realized my dad has been chatting with this girl hourly for the last 24 hours and as far back as I could scroll. He was calling her princess and telling her he loved her and she was saying she was scared for him and wanted to know what was going on, why was he in the ER, etc. I scrolled back enough to know that this was someone he was having at the very least, an emotional affair with."
"My grief was completely hijacked by hurt and anger and a week later I tracked the girl down and spoke to her (via dms) and found out she was 19 years old. She was 17 when they met. He was her high school bus driver and she told me they had been dating for almost 2 years."
"My dad was 66 years old when he died and dating someone younger than his grandchildren, someone he chose to spend his last moments with and say his last goodbyes to. I hope it made him happy but it sure is a sh**ty secret to live the rest of my life with. A secret that will forever overshadow my entire relationship with my dad with no chance to ever speak to him about it. It’s the one secret I wish I’d never found out."
"I don't know how disturbing this is; it turned out pretty fantastic for one. But not for another."
"I was adopted, and told a silly, magical story about my birth parents that most certainly did not seem true even when I was a child."
"At 57, I learned I was the result of a college affair between a very seriously Jewish young man and a very Baptist young woman. She was rushed off to a home for wayward girls to give birth. He followed her there (many states away), begging her to keep me and live a life together. But their families both said absolutely not. Jewish people were not viewed as 'white' in the mid-60s, and her family most certainly did not want her marrying a non-white. Plus, she was a very committed Christian and did not want to convert to Judaism."
"So off I went, into another family. I recently discovered three lovely half-siblings and we are all pro or semi-pro musicians and get along well. I never got to meet my mother; she died a year before I searched. My father is out of the picture and wants to be left alone. And I'm fine with that; I'm grateful for the love he gave me. It was enough."
"Endings to our searching are not always happy."
"Found a scrapbook of my mom and a guy I didn’t recognize from her immediately post-college days. Turns out he was a long term boyfriend of hers who killed himself when she broke up with him. My grandfather found his body. I learned at age 20, by finding the book/shrine to him."
You think you know your friends.
Crazy Best Friend
"She was my best friend of 7 years, we had literally been through it all together. I moved out of state with my now husband, but she convinced us both to move back to be closer with her, after about a year. We had no real ties to the state we had tried out, so we said screw it, let’s go back, she’s basically family. We were all so happy to be reunited; she was over almost every night for dinner, we all laughed and talked and had a blast. Best year of my life."
"Then slowly, she started trying to turn my husband and I against each other. Anytime we had an argument (like any couple does) she would text each of us about how right we were; trying to foster animosity between the two of us."
"With me, she started talking about how she had a plan b for 'us', that if my husband and I couldn’t make it work, I could move in with her and we’d live happy lives together."
"With my husband, she started talking about her infertility issues and how she wanted to have a kid just like him, she just needed a sperm donor."
"This all happened at around the same time, and my husband and I compared texts and figured it out."
"She wanted to take his sperm, and have a baby with me. When confronted about it she refused to admit anything and started lashing out at both of us. It got to the point where she would show up unannounced, banging on the door, demanding a place in our home. It was so terrifying and panic inducing that we ended up having to move and change our phone numbers."
"I guess it’s so disturbing because I had never had a friend like her, only to find out that she, well she cared about me, but in such an unhealthy and scary way. But yeah, that’s my story."
"Husband and I are great now btw."
His Fraudulent Degrees
"A work colleague appeared on the front page of a national newspaper for a life of fraudulent qualifications. He claimed medical and law degrees, was a brigadier in the army (reserves) and was the CEO for a major heath fund. He actually was a Brigadier in the army reserves but that and the heath fund role were largely built on the fraudulent qualifications and a progression of jobs also based on this claims. In reality, the only qualification he actually held was as a mortuary assistant. Not even his wife knew. The fraudulent degrees had been gained when he was in the army reserves recruiting and he had access to submitted position applications. He came undone when he applied for a government job and some flags were raised by the recruitment people. He tried to withdraw the application but didn’t realise that an application for a government role has the same weight as a statutory declaration and cannot be withdrawn. It all went south very quickly and he ended up doing jail time."
You never truly know everything about people–even those who are closest to you.
They say ignorance is bliss, and that applies to many of examples provided by Redditors.
But if you were in their shoes, and depending on the circumstances, would you rather know the deepest and darkest secrets about those you care about?