Bartenders Share The Legit Smoothest Pick-Up Lines They’ve Ever Witnessed
Bartenders Share The Legit Smoothest Pick-Up Lines They’ve Ever Witnessed
[rebelmouse-image 18346489 is_animated_gif=We've literally never seen a pick-up line work anywhere other than in the movies. We've seen them get laughed at, get eye-rolled at, or get just plain ignored, but never work. Still, they keep showing up in movies and TV shows, so they have to have worked sometimes somewhere at some point, right?
What better place to find out than Reddit? A quick search told us we weren't the only ones wondering about it, but one user had a genius idea and asked the people who would probably know best - bartenders. They asked:
Bartenders of reddit, what is the smoothest pick up line you've ever heard?
We picked out some of our favorites to share with you, so grab your pencil and get ready to take some notes, single people. Here are some of the smoothest pick up lines the bartenders of Reddit have ever heard. Please note, these did not all end in success. Some were massive train-wrecks, but we totally give points for creativity and sass around here, so... enjoy!
1. The Flawless Rejection
[rebelmouse-image 18346490 is_animated_gif=Sort of an anti-pickup line but I witnessed a drunk girl get decimated at the bar one night.
She was hot, and one of those "haha you're cute you should buy me a drink" type girls. Some dumpy looking dude walks up to the bar and orders a Corona and she pulls the whole "And put a rum and coke on there for me!", insinuating that he should buy her next drink. He looked at her casually and says "Make it a rum and diet." and then just walks away.
I was speechless. I'd never seen him before and haven't seen him since, sometimes I wonder if he ever existed at all.
2. When The Shy Girl Speaks Up
[rebelmouse-image 18346491 is_animated_gif=Shy girl regularly comes in with her friend - my coworker and I are pretty chummy with them so we are chatting all night, letting them try some of the new cocktails/shots our bar is trialling.
We give them one particular shot and the friend says she doesn't like it too much and asks if its the kind of drink my girlfriend likes (I was single), shy girl picks up her shot, downs it and says "yes, it is!", then immediately runs out of the building in shyness.
We've been dating almost 6 months now.
3. "I'll have a water"
[rebelmouse-image 18346492 is_animated_gif=Bar tended in college. Guy walked up to a girl at the bar, goes "Hi my name is Ben*, and I'm going to buy you drinks until you find me attractive." Girl smiled and laughed and he asked what she would like to drink. She looked him over (he was already very attractive), turned to me and said "In that case, I'll have a water." He definitely got it that night.
4. The Unspoken Pick-Up
[rebelmouse-image 18346493 is_animated_gif=Bartender here. Best pick up I've ever seen was when a group of 3 dudes college aged were at the bar on my end. they started talking about this girl on the other side who is clearly the hottest girl in the bar. One of them jokingly said to another If you can get her number without saying a word to her I'll buy you drinks the rest of the night. The kid who was dared waved me down asked for a pen and napkin he walked over and within 10 min came back over girl in hand asking his buddy who bet him for 2 patron shots. I asked him what he did and he showed me the napkin with her number. He played hangman on the napkin and spelled out "can I have your number?" And it actually worked. He and his girl were drinking heavily and for free the rest of the night. He also walked out with her so I hope he scored.
5. The Ice-Capades
[rebelmouse-image 18346494 is_animated_gif=Not a good pickup line but a good pickup line story:
There's a classic which is putting an ice cube on the bar, smashing it with your first and saying "that's the ice broken, want to get a drink?"
Well an awkward friend of mine decided to try it, smashed the ice and managed to ricochet a piece of it into his own eye before being able to say the line, shouted a profanity and staggered off. The girl was pretty confused.
6. This One Ended With A Pupper!
[rebelmouse-image 18346495 is_animated_gif=I met my current girlfriend while working behind a bar. She got way too drunk so the next time she came up to ordered a drink i gave her a pint of water and told her she had enough.
Her response? "Well if you're not going to give me a drink at least give me your number."
We have a dog now.
7. Hand Holding WIn
[rebelmouse-image 18346496 is_animated_gif=Bartender/server here. Buzzed gentleman extends hand to slightly more buzzed woman and asks," will you hold this while I step outside?" They come back after sharing a cigarette. Pay the tab, take a cab together to wherever
8. Roses
[rebelmouse-image 18346497 is_animated_gif=Not a pick up line, but the smoothest thing I've seen from behind the mahogany. This guy was hitting on this girl at the end of the bar. She asked him, "you gonna bring me some roses?" and this man took two straws, a napkin, and a lighter and I shit you not made a rose with it. You bet your ass she left with him. Kudos, sir.
9. One Upping
[rebelmouse-image 18346498 is_animated_gif=I had a group of guys who were all hitting on me but were very funny and not annoying about it (a true rarity) when they paid one left a few extra bucks after already having tipped me, on a napkin with his number saying "from the cute one" then I noticed the one of the other guys left a $20 tip with his number and a note saying "from the cuter and smarter one" it cracked me up. The only time I considered reaching out to a customer because I wanted to say thanks for the laugh!
10. Quesadillas Always Work
[rebelmouse-image 18346499 is_animated_gif=Way late to the party but heard this one while closing down a couple weeks back.
"Come on, lets go back to my place, I'll make you a quesadilla."
This girl had been swatting guys away like flies all night but that one worked out.
11. Pocket Square Sales Boom In 3...2...1...
[rebelmouse-image 18346500 is_animated_gif=Not exactly a pickup line... but really clever/cool way a girl let me know she was interested.
I noticed her on the opposite side of the bar and we smiled at each other. I was newly single, she was with a date and obviously bored. Still... she was with a date, and I'm not gonna interrupt and be that kind of douchebag. After a few minutes, I walked around to her side of the bar to head to the bathroom. She stopped me and said "here, your pocket square is messed up." She fumbled with it a sec, said "all good" and I moved on to the restroom.
I got home later and took my blazer off, noticed something was off w/ the pocket square. She had stealth-stashed a napkin with her name and number. I texted that night and we went out later that week.
11/10 was impressed with the smooth.
12. Using Your Own Advice Against You
[rebelmouse-image 18346501 is_animated_gif=I work at a bar in Long Beach NY (male)
A female customer was giving me advice on how to hit on my bartender co worker (female) who is a very close friend of mine. She kept feeding me "adorable" things to say to my friend because she thought we looked cute together. I thanked her and took one step toward my friend then turned back to her and repeated it all back. She took the bait and it landed me back at her place.
13. She Set Him Up, He Shot His Shot. Teamwork.
[rebelmouse-image 18346502 is_animated_gif=Not a bartender but hooked up with one once. It was closing time and she said, "if you don't work here or banging the staff, time to leave!" I leaned over and said, "I guess I'm staying." With the confidence only a recently divorced man could have.
It worked, oddly enough
14. Win A Bet, Pay For Drinks
[rebelmouse-image 18346504 is_animated_gif=At a bar with a few mates and there's a gorgeous girl at the bar. I exclaim my like for her, before my best friend says I would never talk to her. I disagree, and bets me £30 that I wont talk to her and get her number. We handshake on it and I approach her.
Nothing particularly special happens, introductions and all and she seems relatively interested but I didn't want to jump to any conclusions. She says to me "I did notice you and your friends were looking at me for a bit" so I reply with "funny story actually, I was telling my friends over there how cute I thought you looked but they thought I wouldn't dare go for a girl who is clearly out of my league or ask for her number. They bet me £30 I wouldn't do it. I'm not saying you should give me your number but how would you like £30 worth of drinks". She gives me a cheeky smile, gives me her number, claim my £30 and drank to our hearts content. We went on a few dates after that.
I'd say that was a win.
15. Cougar On The Prowl
[rebelmouse-image 18346505 is_animated_gif=I'm probably too late to the party but I was working at a restaurant and we had a new server in his mid 20s that all the women thought was really attractive. One of his tables is this one top with a woman sitting alone for lunch. In her late 40s-50s but extremely attractive and definitely on the prowl as she's trying to subtly flirt with him the entire time. She left while he went on his break and we were shocked nothing had happened until the breaker server went to clean the table and on top of the receipt was a huge tip and a napkin with her number that said, "You should come join me and my husband sometime."
16. Kiss Me
[rebelmouse-image 18346507 is_animated_gif=Was bartending when this happened to a fellow bartender.
Girl "This guy wont stop hitting on me, can you help?"
Bartender: "Sure, what do you need me to do?"
Girl "Kiss me"
By god it worked and fellow bartender spent nearly a week with her before she left.
17. Nerds: A Love Story
[rebelmouse-image 18346508 is_animated_gif=I watched a guy get a really cute girl by telling her he is the biggest nerd ever and his favorite thing is Dr. Who, she was also a huge fan. They continued talking about their interests and it turns out that he totally believed in bigfoot, the jersey devil, and mothman. He invited her to go along with him into the woods as he and a group of monster chasers were about to investigate some leads and she was totally with it, they exchanged numbers after i suggested they do so and as far as i know are still out together looking for weird shit and watching Dr. Who
18. Drool
[rebelmouse-image 18346509 is_animated_gif=My pal once walked up to a 11/10 and stated
"Hey help me out, you got a rag or a towel? "
"No, why would I have either?"
"Because I'm guessing looking like that you have to wipe the drool off the guy's mouth you are talking to. I like to be prepared."
So out of his league, but still married after 15 years
19. Confidence Is Key, We Guess?
[rebelmouse-image 18346510 is_animated_gif=*I bar tended in uni, and overheard this exchange: *
M: Hi there beautiful, my name's Nick, what's yours?
F: I'm Sarah, Nick, but I'm not going to sleep with you.
M: Pfff, go get your coat.
She grabbed her jacket and left with him.
20. Oven Mitt
[rebelmouse-image 18346511 is_animated_gif=Many moons ago a guy snuck behind into the back storage, found an oven mitt, came back out, and proceeded to ask a girl "Do you have a hot ass? Cuz if so... I can handle it!" How she actually fell for that one, I'll never know.
H/T: Reddit
Products Made By People Who Clearly Never Use Them
"Reddit user DongLaiCha asked: 'What products are clearly made by people or companies who never actually use them?'"
Do you ever use a product and wonder... "Who in the world thought this would work?"
That seems to be an issue with a lot of items in life.
Like, who designed all these extra dinner forks?
It's all too confusing when you just want to eat a salad and a steak.
Let me keep my fork.
You're wasting water on all the cleaning.
Think before you create.
Redditor DongLaiCha wanted to discuss some products that may need more in-field research, so they asked:
"What products are clearly made by people or companies who never actually use them?"
Remember CDs?
It was easier to break into the Pentagon than open that plastic wrapping.
Who thought that idea up?
Too Dry
Hair Bathing GIFGiphy"I swear that people who design some shampoo and conditioner bottles have never tried to use them while wet."
danarexasaurus
Assessments
"Elementary state assessments. They are the most obtuse, poorly written, unrealistic questions on earth. They enrage me. They are clearly written by people who either have zero experience in elementary education or haven’t had any in a decade or so."
meadow_chef
"I have a BA in English and couldn't figure out one of the answers to my child's third-grade ELA state test practice. I spoke to the teacher about it and she sounded so defeated about the testing. There's no way to prepare children for a test when the questions and answers are so poorly written that the students, their teacher, and the parents can't pick the correct answer."
DistractedHouseWitch
Cheap and Expensive
"A few years ago we wanted a coffee maker with a slightly larger carafe. The only 14-cup one we could find at a reasonable price was branded with Drew Barrymore's name. Whatever, we bought it. It was the worst kitchen device I've ever owned. The interface to set the clock, program it, etc. was absolutely baffling to use, never seemed to do the same thing twice."
"The instructions were apparently written by whatever guy at the factory had a cousin who'd seen an American TV show once. And when it actually did somehow make coffee, it came out shriekingly hot, to where I would put a couple of ice cubes into my travel mug when I left for work just to get it down to drinkable temperature."
Fabulous-Quality-282
Flip It
"Those who make the 'pull this flip to open' on plastic packaging of cold cuts."
MissNatdah
"Similarly, the people who make 'resealable' packages of food products where you have to cut it open in a certain place, but cutting there either results in: A) the package still being sealed closed, or B) ruining the internal sealing zipper. I have this issue with the frozen dumplings I buy and no matter what I do, I have NEVER been able to reseal the package as advertised and have to resort to a chip clip."
pls_send_caffeine
Punch a Hole
Mac And Cheese Eating GIF by Megan BatoonGiphy"The 'push here to open' spot on Kraft Mac and Cheese."
coop_doop
"Whenever I get a different brand I just punch a hole in the same spot out of habit. It’s about exactly as hard to do as with the Kraft ones. So they might as well take out the perforating step and save .001¢/box in the production process."
Reaper_Messiah
Why do they want to keep our Mac and Cheese from us?
Give me my meal!!
Tearing Sheets
office paper GIFGiphy"Those toilet paper holders in public toilets that cut off at two sheets."
theshortlady
"Same area: those paper towel dispensers that require a two-handed pull, commonly leaving you with two little torn-off triangles of paper in your hands."
repowers
Useless
"Zebra printers. I swear Zebra customer service is useless. I've had to call the help desks for the specific companies I've worked for because the Zebra CS is just like 'Huh!?'"
monotoonz
"We wrote our own internal manuals for how to setup, manage, and troubleshoot Zebra printers. It includes helpful information like 'Do not call Zebra about this issue, instead, see Appendix A' (which is screenshots of conversations about how it is is a known issue and the resolution should be coming shortly (dated 2016))."
001235
City Life
"Maybe a bit off-topic, but in a meeting with a former colleague of mine, the person in charge of the metro for a nearby city admitted that he had never used the metro. Not that he didn’t use the metro, but that he had never used it in his life, even once. I suspect that this kind of thing isn’t uncommon for government services."
KireGoTI
"Similar story. A lifelong friend of didn’t even know we had a Metro until a recent expansion meant she had to drive a different way into her office. She works for the city council."
TheKingMonkey
Warn You
"Hospital beds. From the standpoint of the person who has to push it around and mess with rails that get caught in the mattress and plug it in with a long dirty cord that gets mixed up with another random cord that no one knows its purpose. No retractable cords so they constantly drag on the ground and try to trip you when pushing the bed."
"Brakes that are in the most awkward position that you have to invert your knee to reach with your foot. And worst, the screeching, ear-piercing alarm that they emit to 'warn you' that the bed is not locked. Hospital beds are obnoxious."
Agitated-Effort3423
Help Please
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno CalypsoGiphy"Customer-facing software. Developers should be required to hire grandmas under the explicit condition that if grandma can't look at a menu option and decide what to click without giving up and calling the help desk your functionality has failed."
Puzzleheaded-Bat8657
I can't even begin to get into software options.
It brings back too much PTSD.
We are now aware that the distribution of wealth is severely skewed to the top one percent of the population, and rich people have a completely different perception of how the world works and what's "hard" than middle- and lower-class people do.
But what's so disheartening is how their beliefs and limited understanding of hardship trickle down to their children, and how those children are interacting in society is honestly shocking.
Redditor WaterWire asked:
"What's the worst case of 'rich kid syndrome' that you've ever seen?"
The Jet Doesn't Count
"I used to work with someone who proclaimed to be an environmentalist. She was very preachy."
"Once I had a can of Coke on my desk. She said, 'You're going to recycle that, right?'"
"She used her father's personal jet all the time. Once, just to fly from NYC to Boston to see a baseball game."
- LiterallyOutToLunch
Disposable Cars
"A girl I went to school with crashed and totaled six cars in three years and her parents continued buying her better newer cars because every accident 'wasn’t her fault' and if she had stuff like a backup camera and sensors they 'wouldn’t have happened.'"
"She got into a fender bender in the school parking lot and her dad showed up with a wad of cash and paid the other student off."
- nosenseofpermanence
A Simple Grade Change
"When I was in college for my grad degree and I was working as a T.A. (teacher's assistant), during a specific term I was helping my professor with some admin duties for one of his post-grad courses he taught for a different field than mine, and we had this one student who was arguing that she wanted a higher final grade than the one she had gotten."
"We listened to her explanation to see if there was any merit to her request and there was something that needed to be changed, but it basically boiled down to, 'I think my grade is too low and I deserve a higher grade because I say so,' and we simply told her that after reviewing her performance we could confirm that her final grade was correct and there was nothing to be done about it."
"She completely lost it and transformed into a Super Karen and after arguing for a bit, she stormed off and started emailing me and the professor and copying everybody in the email chain: her program director, the department head, the head of our registry office, Will Hunting, the security guard, the librarian, etc., and every email she sent was progressively ruder and more entitled than its predecessor because everybody kept telling her that she was unfortunately in the wrong and there was nothing to be done about it."
"Eventually, she sent a really smug email where she said something to the effect that since everybody was a dumba** and incompetent at our jobs, we had forced her to copy her father who was really close friends with the dean to the email, so we were f**ked and we had to do as she said or daddy would get us all fired. Keep in mind, this was a grad student in her mid-twenties."
"The highest ranking person in the email chain replied, reiterating that we were all very sorry, but she was in the wrong, her grade was correct, and it would not be changed."
"Then her father replied to the email chain and just said, 'There you go, dear. I hope you learn from this.'"
"She didn't reply anymore after her daddy's email, and the matter was closed. To this day, I like to imagine that dear old dad tore her a new one for dragging him into her bulls**t and making him look bad in front of a bunch of professors from a well-known university where his BFF was the dean because she, his grown-a** daughter, chose to behave like a spoiled brat."
- Tough_Stretch
First. World. Problems.
"I'll never forget a former friend stamping her foot and crying because 'Dad sold the jet and I have to take a commercial flight to our raaaaanch.'"
- tnrivergirl
The Cost of Priorities
"An 'Influencer' wondering why other people in their home country don't spend their life traveling like them."
- OrderIntegration
"I love the 'I’d rather have a passport full of stamps than a house full of expensive things!' schtick."
"Most of my furniture is from the free section of Craigslist and I would be thrilled if I ever get to a point where I can afford an international trip every few years."
- TogarSucks
No Help At All
"Not me, but a friend of mine was an assistant trainer at a Panera store. They hired a teenager who was only working there to meet people, and one day had a group leave a huge mess in the dining room."
"Apparently the teen turned to my friend and said, 'Should we get the help to clean that?'"
"My friend had to explain that they were the help. He quit not long after."
- SailorVenus23
Garage Entitlement
"I was complaining about having to clear off my car from the foot of snow we'd gotten. A guy at work told me there was no way I had to clean off my car. I definitely did and it took a long time."
"Him: Well then, it's your own fault for not parking in the garage."
"Me: I don't have a garage."
"Him: Everyone has a garage."
"I'm like, look out the window next time you are driving?"
- Okay-Cheetah-9125
The Intrusive Thoughts Won
"A senior rich kid in my HS was driving his dad's Jaguar when his buddy asked him what would happen if he threw into reverse at 60 miles per hour. So they tried it and essentially blew the transmission and the motor up."
"A few months later, he got a Porsche for Christmas."
- New_Section_9374
Humbling Experiences
"I had a guy work for me in the military. He thought he didn’t have to do anything because his parents would just 'call their friends.' He ended up getting kicked out for LSD and cocaine use."
- ElfLordSpoon
"I did my mandatory military service when I turned 18, seven years ago. I cleaned s**t more than once, and my father had prepared me for it by saying, 'In the military, it doesn’t matter who you are, you’re still going to clean toilets.'"
"Only a few of my mates from back then knew who my family was and that was after a lengthy, alcohol involving, conversation/interrogation, lol (laughing out loud). You don’t wanna be standing out."
- RolexWearInGray
Unrealistic Shopping
"A therapist once asked me how much money I spent on clothes each year."
"I told her about 100 to 200 dollars, depending on the year and what was needed."
"Her response was, 'You can’t even get one dress for 100 dollars' and then proceeded to tell me that maybe I didn’t value myself enough."
"All I was thinking was, 'This b***h has never been to TJ Maxx?!'"
- FortunaLady
Very Different Backyards
"When I was in elementary school, this kid lived in the only gated community in the area, and the houses were all mansions. He was telling me a story about his tennis court in his courtyard."
"I said, 'Wait, you have a tennis court at your house?'"
"He looked genuinely shocked, and responded with, '…you don’t?'"
"It blew my mind as a little kid who had to share a room with my single mom, lol (laughing out loud)."
- Spare_Invite_8191
College Tuition
"Some girl in my college classes was genuinely shocked there were students who had to take out loans because their parents couldn’t afford to pay the 65 thousand dollars a year for tuition."
"I have a lot of extended family out in California who I’ve never met, but I sometimes hear stories from my parents who keep in touch with a few relatives out there."
"One of my distant cousins, who was like 17 at the time, intentionally totaled the new BMW his parents bought him because he wanted a Mercedes instead. Can’t remember if they ended up buying him that Mercedes or not, but they probably did. Sadly."
- Scortor
Exam Buyouts
"Rich Dude in my high school chemistry class flat out asked how big of a check his dad could write to get him out of taking a major test. He was serious. Nothing happened to him."
- GrayBox1313
Poor Packing Skills
"I had a friend who worked as a counselor at an American summer camp somewhere in Pennsylvania. He said that these kids would leave so much of their belongings because they couldn’t be bothered packing them up and they would just expect their parents to replace what they had left."
"He came away with Beats headphones, brand new shoes (although a few sizes too small), and gaming equipment."
"He also said that one day they were playing a game of flag football and one of the kids fell and grazed his cheek. This kid was some child model, so his parents had him HELICOPTERED OUT OF THE CAMP so he could get plastic surgery over the injury."
- amerika0210
Messy Kitchen Dilemma
"I had a roommate who would cook huge meals and destroy the kitchen. She would eat her meal and head to her room."
"A couple of hours later, she’d come out and be fully p**sed off that the kitchen was still a mess."
"She’d had servants most of her life and was now on her own."
- msjammies73
Though we know that the rich are often incredibly out-of-touch, these examples were still really surprising. Not only is their perception of money so different, but the disposable nature of big purchases, like vehicles, is just wild to think about.
It's easy to take our lives for granted and to forget how lucky we are in our own scenarios, but perhaps the rich experience this even more so.
According to the Cleveland Clinic, over 50 million men have had a vasectomy.
Although avoiding sexual intercourse is the only effective way to avoid pregnancy, the male birth control procedure still has a low failure rate.
Those who are apprehensive about having a vasectomy fear the following: pain, impact on sex life, effectiveness, and side effects like cancer. (The National Cancer Institute and the American Urological Association have found that the procedure does not increase the risk of prostate cancer).
To seek some reassurance, Redditor GaleNotTheWind asked:
"Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?"
Guys discuss what happened after the snipping.
Making Sure
"For the love of God, do the follow-up appointment. The last thing you want is to be accidentally playing with a loaded gun."
– sleepypanda59
Wise To Wait
"The paper work I got for mine which was done less than 2 weeks ago said that you could have sex 2-3 days after but... definitely said to wait another few days."
– SisterPhister666
Follow Post-Surgical Procedures Or Else
"Had it done twice while living in Japan no less. Why twice? The first one failed."
"... apparently, so did the second (says my now 6 year old daughter)."
– shoelessmarcelshell
These men found that the procedure itself wasn't a big deal.
Assurance
"I was super anxious, but I had a great procedure. I was more freaked out about the shot of numbing agent to the balls, but it was legit nothing to worry about."
Normal In No Time
"Little operation, blue balls and no wanking for a week, then back to normal but without getting anyone pregnant."
– Bright_Composer_3901
"Made the mistake of having a pop after a couple of days. Jesus, the regret."
– Alante
Best Money Ever Spent
"When I woke up after the anesthesia - yes I asked to be put under, best $55 (after insurance) I ever spent - the caffeine headache I had upon waking was the most painful part. The preoperative instructions were nothing but water the evening before, no water for 4 hours before going under. The Safeway brand cola that the angel aftercare nurse brought me was pure refreshment."
– HarrumphingDuck
Cherry On Top
"Local anesthesia stings for a second or two then all you can feel is tugging after all is done the pain I would describe is like blue balls for like 2 days tops. I took a week off work recommend by doctor since I’m a construction worker and the heavy lifting but I felt like after day 3 I was good to go. Cons: minor pain discomfort, no hanky panky until last semen sample came out clear. Pros: , no unplanned pregnancies(it’s still possible very rarely)."
– Secure_Requirement84
Some final thoughts.
Only Pros
"To me, the only bad part was the smell of the cauterization of my vas deferens.. the procedure was fine. Local anesthesia before and during just felt slight tugging no pain. Recovery was easy. No pain. No cons. Only pros. And if absolutely need be it’s reversible. Much easier and less invasive than a woman getting her tubes tied and significantly less harmful than birth control. I’m an advocate. Get it done!"
– PunchARacist
One Unsettling Thing
"For me, it wasn’t the smell but watching the little puffs of smoke during the cauterization. That was truly and deeply unsettling."
"Otherwise, yeah, nothing major to report. Stayed in bed for a day watching old horror movies and assembling a Lego plant. Pretty much business as usual after that."
– GuestCartographer
The One Constant
"Got a vasectomy, it worked. Got it reversed, that worked.... twice Got another vasectomy...17 years later, all good. Just go to a legit great Dr. I mean top of the field Dr. For ANY messsin around down there. Vasectomy is WAY easier now than 25-30 years ago. In/out in an hour... The only thing that hasn't changed? ... The bag of frozen peas ..😂"
– richwat00
Vasectomies are performed via two methods, the incision vasectomy or a no-scalpel vasectomy, and both use local anesthesia to numb the scrotum.
Always consult a healthcare provider before undergoing the procedure and–most importantly–make sure you don't want to have children or that you and your spouse don't want to add additional family members.
Based on the anecdotes above, there's nothing to fear, so feel free to man up and get to snipping.
The Scariest Yet Most Realistic Films About The Future Ever Made
I've always enjoyed a good scare on film and my Mother indulged my preferences as she also loved a good horror film.
While we thoroughly enjoyed a good Disney movie together, I was also allowed to watch Jaws, The Exorcist and The Omen before I was 10 years old.
Slashers and sci-fi frights were good, but to me the most effective scares involved nightmarish scenarios that might easily happen in the not so distant future.
For me, growing up Roman Catholic meant demonic possession and the AntiChrist were on the list of plausible fears.
But what films offered possible Hellscapes for others?
Reddit user beefgulash asked:
"What is the scariest—yet most realistic—future film ever made?"
Threads
"I thought that BBC’s nuclear holocaust Threads was much more terrifying and depressing than United States TV movie The Day After."
~No-Distance425
"Threads might genuinely be the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen."
~ ThorCoolguy
Her
"Her. Everyone is so online that they lost the ability to make human connections, to the point where it's a business for the main character to write personal letters on behalf of others."
"So lonely, he easily falls in love with an AI and the only one who still feels real emotions, his ex wife (Rooney Mara), is treated like a crazy person."
"With everyone too online and severely lonely, we are practically living in that emotional dystopia now."
~ grandmofftalkin
Children of Men
"Children of Men. You want to know what makes it so scarily realistic?"
"Alfonso Cuaron deliberately shot scenes in East London and asked the production designers to make it 'more Mexican'—in other words, make it look even more run-down than it already was."
"Cuaron leaned in on his own experiences in growing up in Mexico and seeing everyday poverty to bring that to look and feel to a futuristic London. The future-London isn't a gleaming metropolis—it's a metropolis on the verge of collapse and giving up."
"The battle scenes weren't fantastical as so many sci-fi dystopian films often are: they're based on real, real conflicts. Cuaron was smart to include imagery from the then-current Iraq invasion and the atrocities committed in Abu Ghraib to jar the viewer's thoughts and attentions just long enough to make them feel queasy."
"The shots of illegal immigrants in cages were disturbing then—well, they should be f*cking frightening now. Cuaron and the production designers saturated that film with little visual snippets of then-current events and fictional future atrocities to make it a highly believable—and scary—world."
~ PureDeidBrilliant
Contagion
"Contagion—a movie about a coronavirus outbreak, that pre-dated COVID-19."
~ glrd1
"When I saw that movie in theaters, there was someone coughing a few rows behind. Like, big, wet, juicy coughs..."
"I hated that immersive movie experience."
~ only_bubble_sort
"The fast killing virus that spreads around the world was a bit unrealistic but man was it a trip watching this during lockdowns."
"I'd never heard of 'social distancing' until the pandemic and it and other pandemic facts of life coming out in the movie hit home."
~ Dmzm
A Scanner Darkly
"A Scanner Darkly. A large amount of the population have become drug addicts, the government enacts a total police state, and the addicts slowly descend into insanity, and eventually are put into rehab once their brains are fried.
"Once they are 'rehabed' (they are basically lobotomized, or brainwashed) they are sent to work on large corporate farms."
"The same corporations that own the rehabs, also own the farms, and they are also the ones growing the illicit drugs that cause the whole problem."
~ CmTrumpet
The Road
"The Road. I remember seeing the premiere of it at a film festival and the director and cast were there and all smiles and jokes and so happy to be there…and then the movie plunged all of us into pure despair for 2 hours."
~ Other-Marketing-6167
"I read the book multiple times before the movie came out."
"The movie makes your heart break, but the book destroys your soul and will to live for like a week after reading."
~ Some-Philly-Dude
WALL-E
"WALL-E. The fact that Pixar showed everyone a very real future Earth if we continue down the path we're on and nobody did anything about it speaks volumes. Everyone knows sh*t's f*cked."
"I'm rooting for the roomba with solar panels who gets outside after we've annihilated ourselves, enjoy fulfilling your set purpose lil' dude."
~ Shes_dead_Jim
Gattaca
"Gattaca. If you ever watch it again listen to how they talk about him and his 'condition'."
"It’s all 'could” and 'might' and 'possibly' and similar caveats."
"His only 'condition' was being a natural birth and not a designer baby."
~ pocket-friends
RoboCop
"RoboCop. Dude dies at work. Gets resurrected to continue working."
"Also the whole bit about corporations privatizing public services."
"Feels like we're gonna be there in a few years."
~ Gentleman_Jack90
Elysium
"Elysium strikes me as the most realistic, as far as the social structure."
"You have an ultra rich class, a mercenary type 'middle' class, and everyone else is fighting for the scraps."
~ Maliluma
"Sure seems like the logic extension of the widening global gap between a few ultra-wealthy and the rest of the population."
"The ultra-wealthy already are invested in space travel, colonizing Mars, island compounds and extreme longevity."
~ RichardBonham
Logan's Run
"Logan's Run, it's a bit of a cult classic."
"In the future, there are limited places for humans to live, so everyone has an 'expiration date' regardless of how healthy they are."
"Everyone has to die before a certain age. I won't spoil it in case anyone wants to see it."
"It's an old school sci-fi movie that I have loved since I was a kid."
~ macmac360
12 Monkeys
"No one mentioned 12 Monkeys yet?"
"Found it super realistic and scary."
~ mrs_anouk
Soylent Green
"Soylent Green solves both problems of overpopulation and food scarcity.... so, maybe it will happen."
"I just hope they think of 3rd Degree Burn Scorchin' Habanero Soylent Green when they do it."
~ ketchuptheclown
Metropolis
"Metropolis. Complete masterpiece in my opinion."
~ CaptianOfCows
Idiocracy
"Idiocracy."
~ BrilliantlyClueless
"I like to believe that somewhere in that world a pocket of smart people retreated to someplace isolated like New Zealand and persisted."
~ notapunk
Zombies! 🧟♂️🧟♀️🧟
Personally, I love zombie movies based on the concept from George A. Romero's classic Night Of The Living Dead.
Zombies existed in myths and legends before Romero's film, but not in the way they do now in popular culture.
Romero's movies also always included social commentary on economic inequality, racism and the ills of unbridled capitalism.
To me zombie films show how people would react in a viral health crisis and our recent pandemic made them all the more real.
So what movies do you think are scary because they're too real?