We all have experienced and enjoyed the beautiful student-teacher bond. While we always have looked to our teachers for help, these stories would definitely challenge the nerdy righteous image of them in our minds.
In a high school history class our teacher showed us a painting of the Virgin Mary with the baby Jesus. One of the big mouthed popular girls in school said, "eww that baby has boobs."
He was halfway across the room in the middle of his lecture. Suddenly stops, walks over to her and says, "Jealous?" Everyone busts out laughing. The next day we had all forgotten about it and then he starts off the class by apologizing to her and just ends up reminding us about it all over again.
She said later that she wasn't embarrassed the first time but his apology made it much worse.
This happened in the second year of high school, right before lunch.
I walked into the bathroom and my history teacher was walking out. He says to me as he walks by, "Only two more periods before we get out of this stupid place." and just continues on his way out.
Once in my Physics class, the male teachers phone goes off with a very teenage pop type ringtone. Some dude in the front of the room goes Why dont you change your ringtone?
And the teacher responds Why dont you tell your mom to stop calling me?
This teacher was a gold mine of stuff like this.
In high school, my favorite teacher-burn happened to my buddy.
We were playing flag football one day and when we played you had two flags usually tucked into the waistband of your shorts. There happened to be a particularly hot set of girls playing on the opposite team and of course, they had them tucked in so the flags were essentially hanging right over their bums. The teacher started yelling at my friend because he wasn't really trying all that hard whenever one of those girls would run by him.
Friend: "I don't want to grab someone's butt!" Teacher: "Shut up and do it! That's about the best you're ever going to get anyways!"
I was in spanish class last year, using my phone under my desk, when my teacher noticed.
She stopped her lecture, turned to me and said: "Bartholomoose, there are two things you could be doing with your hands underneath the table like that and neither one is appropriate for my class." The class exploded.
My favorite teacher ever, assigned us to go see a movie.
He jokingly stated, "if you take your grandmother with you I'll give you extra credit". To which one of the smartypants kid in class replied "My grandma is dead". My teacher responds, ".....well then I'll give you DOUBLE extra credit".
It is to this day the funniest thing I've ever heard a teacher say.
1st week of basic Spanish. The teacher said, Lets get it over with. I know you just want to know how to curse in Spanish. We all made a list of curses we wanted to know and she translated them for us!
Our stats professor was from a different country.
This was him describing basic probability with his heavy accent:
"Say you flip coin and you get head. You do more experimenting and get more head. You get head a few more time and then you finally get some tail. Why is everyone laughing?"
All my sisters had the same teacher. Last day of senior year he looked at me and said please tell me you're the last one.
My teacher once said the prettier your look the shorter you'll live, then said to the class: this lot will live forever.
Before a test, we had a teacher say I'm the test giver you are the test-ees. Everyone lost it.
This was my old cheer coach who was a teacher at my high school. My dad passed away suddenly during my freshman year and I missed a week of school and cheer practice because of it.
When I came back to school the following week I went to talk to my cheer coach. I told her I was sorry that I missed practice, and that I needed some time at home as my dad had just passed away. Her response was to tell me that that was no excuse, I could have found time to call and that I couldn't cheer any games for the rest of the school year.
The head cheer coach and principal of my school heard from my mom that night, and the cheer coach was fired the next day. She was probably the most ignorant person I've ever met in my life.
During a random drug check in my high school a few years ago when the police brought dogs in, my US History teacher gleefully said "Hope you left your stuff at home, like I did."
My teacher whispered something to himself and then laughed out loud saying, "yeah that was great".
The day we were going to learn radicals in math class, our math teacher came in with a turban on his head and said,"Today, we are going to be radicals." The best thing I've heard in high school.
When I was in 3rd grade on my school and my teacher with the hand muppet asked the class "What is five times two?"
So , I raise my hand and answer "12" and he replies "OK. Now let's try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete idiot."
In 7th grade I was quite fat.
The first day of gym class the teacher told all of us to stand on these numbered squares painted on the basketball court. This was a very old school and as the numbers on a lot of squares was worn out, I couldn't find the number assigned to me and was delaying the class. Suddenly he said to me very loudly so everyone could hear, "I bet if there was a steak on it you'd find your square!" Everyone laughed and I still hate that teacher.
Not really something she said, but I had this french teacher who would kick me out of class whenever she overheard me say the word "dude". Apparently it means something bad somewhere in the world, but this is America.
It got to the point where she would send me to the office. The administrators just told me to take a lunch break.
We had a bald history teacher. He was once poking fun at a student. The student replies, "At least I have hair." And instantly the teacher says, "Not where it counts kid."
One day, Mr. M we'll call him, pulls me out of class for no good reason and then tells me his daughter just moved out and went off to college, so he has an extra room in his house now.
Then he said, "If you ever need a place to come to, you should know you have an extra room there." and patted me on the shoulder.
I laughed it off, but looking back I think that was a creepy incident.
In Grade 8 my science teacher took me out of class on day to talk about my failing grades.
He explained to me that he figured out why I was doing so poorly in his class. He said "Jason, the reason you are failing is because you are a loser, not very attractive, you don't have any friends out and you're a bit overweight." I sat in stunned silence as he continued. "If I were you I would start hitting the gym, maybe 3 times a week, we cant do anything about your looks, but maybe if you are more active things could be better, OK Buddy." I sat and nodded as he talked. On the way out he patted me and said "if you need some ideas on what exercise works best come to me." Again, he was my science teacher.
One of my friends told me that one day when he was out for a doctors appointment, he stopped at a local restaurant to get lunch before coming back to school.
While there, he see one our teacher at the bar with two empty bottles of beer and working on a third one. This was around 11:30-12:00, his lunch break.
But honestly, he was probably one of the best and the coolest teachers I've ever had.
This was in our French class.
Teacher: Okay students, at the Getty Museum there is going to be an exhibition by a French artist. You can get extra credit if you visit it and write up a paper on the exhibition
Me: Does the paper have to be in French?
Teacher: Oh please, you can barely write in English.