We all grow up with a certain level of protective sheltering in our lives. Whether it was intentional, on the part of a well-intentioned parent, or a complete display of ignorance there usually comes a time where we need to flee our cocoon, and that's when we are most likely to find others that leave us scratching our heads. Or maybe you're left scratching your head at your own naivety. Whatever it is, it can make for some pretty awkward and funny moments, and we've compiled some of the best of these stories below. Enjoy!
Want to read more? You can find the source links at the bottom of this article.
I have a friend whose parents are super controlling. When he moved to the states without them his dad set up security cameras outside his house. We were hanging out after work (only until like 6 or 7 pm) and his dad called freaking out because his car wasn't in the driveway yet. He is 28 years old.
I was ushering my class outside for field day, and everybody is joking and having a good time, when suddenly I hear "You Dildo!" I pull the culprit aside and ask them if they knew what they were saying. They said they didn't know what the word meant, and I believed them - a lot of kids that age parrot what they hear without understanding the meaning. So, not wanting to ruin the kids's day, I talked to them about not using words we're unsure about, and had him sit out of the first two activities. No biggie, problem solved.
We're having fun with the class when the principal walks up. The principal had been talking with the kid, and asked me why the kid was sitting out. I explained the situation, but the principal still didn't understand what the problem was. The principal thought dildo was referring to an armadillo.
Yup, I awkwardly explained what a dildo was to my principal.
Guy grew up in Utah, and never left Provo until his mission. Met him while he was a missionary in Japan. He saw someone standing in front of their house smoking a cigarette and said to me "That would never happen in America."
My friend online asked me to explain what sex is.
He meant to ask what the difference was between males and females.
He was horrified that I had suggested putting a part of his body "especially one so private and reserved for God" (still not sure what he meant by that) into another person.
I eventually learned that he was not aware females had periods either. After explaining that one to him, he vowed "I shall always be nice to women, especially when I know now that every time they are being witches it comes from the hurt inside." He then decided the cost of chocolates was "not so unreasonable, considering what it is good for" (soothing females on their periods).
This is a combination of sheltered and spoiled, but once someone spilled water all over my laptop and a girl who was there saw me freaking out and said, "Geez don't get so upset, seriously, just tell your dad to buy you a new one. My dad's bought me like three."
Try dating somebody who grew up in a vastly different socioeconomic class than you.
I grew up on a first name basis with the food bank people, my ex grew up next door to a guy who played for the Dallas Mavericks. There were many head turners she popped off over the 2 or so years of that relationship, but my personal favorite will always be her absolute incredulity that I never visited Europe during high school. But baaaaabe, everybody travels for summer at that age! No. No we do not. Babe, wait until you see the picture of the death trap I bought with cash I made working at Jack in the Box over that summer you spent prancing around Scotland. You'll be terrified I ever intentionally drove that thing.
My young daughter, upon finding out babies happen because of sex, looks at her sister, looks at me and my wife, does some thinking and says "So you guys have had sex twice!?"
We busted up laughing.
I was a very 'poor' kid with a scholarship to one of the richest if not THE richest high schools in the city. I have quite a few gems.
This one boy who's dad owns about 15 Ferraris was talking to me about life after school (he was 17/18 at the time) and I said I wanted a studio apartment. He thought it was a whole floor to yourself. When I explained it was just one room, he was confused for a long while, thought I was making things up, and when he eventually accepted it said, "why would you want to live in something like that? It's pretty much a jail cell isn't it? I can't believe poor people live like that... do poor people really live like that?"
I went on to explain to him that actually poor people are a lot worse off, you still need quite a bit of money and solid savings and income for a studio. For some reason he thought the smart thing to spew out of his mouth was, "you know, I heard when poor people feel sad about being poor, they watch documentaries on Africa and stuff like that. Maybe you should try that sometime." He was genuinely 100% serious and thought it was good advice. All I could say was, "thanks, I'll try that next time!"
There was also the time I was stuck in a global politics class where no one knew what welfare/the dole was. The teacher explained, and everyone was OUTRAGED because why should lazy poor people get THEIR money that they worked hard for? How dare they not work for it like rich people had to. My family was on welfare at the time, both my parents were made redundant around the same time because of budget cuts. I was 15 and the only one in a house of 6 people with a job. Welfare helped us eat. It took all my strength not to break down in tears during that class, indirectly hearing that I'm scum and don't deserve to eat, pretty much.
They'll do anything to show off how they donated $20 to a charity in Africa, and rave on and on about third world countries, but when it comes to fixing our own they don't say a word or they criticize the less fortunate because their money is more important than the people.
My friend, at age 23, believed his old pets were still living away on a farm somewhere. Including his parrot.
"What feels so great about someone blowing on your penis?"
One of my wife's friends said she'd never send her kids to public school because there are gay and lesbian students there. The private school she sends her kids to has two lesbian and one gay teacher.
"I wish we had nice things...."
As he was seated on his father's 30 foot boat.
"I don't even want to travel outside of the U.S. Its all so dangerous and ghetto."
My coworkers were talking about reality TV. One of them said something like, "Did you hear about that child beauty pageant show? Apparently one of the moms dressed her little girl up like a prostitute! And the judges all thought it was great!"
No one could remember the name of the TV show, so my coworker said, "Oh, I'll just Google 'little girl prostitute video'..."
I had to explain to him why that might be a bad idea.
(If you're wondering, the show was "Toddlers and Tiaras", and the girl was dressed as Julia Roberts' character from "Pretty Woman".)
One of my very affluent friends said that they are "working class" because her parents still have to work rather than living off of stocks/interest/whatever people with "old money" do.
I worked with a girl that went to a large suburban high school (~4500 students). She tried to tell me that her school didn't have any pregnant girls or students with drug problems, but my mom was the school's nurse. There were around 40 girls in her grade alone that were pregnant, 4 of whom were having their 2nd kid. She was also shocked when I told her that there were a lot of kids with drug related offences on their records, some had heroin addictions, and I showed her news articles of major drug busts at her school.
"Are you from Africa?" "What's it like in the ghetto?" First day of 5th grade, after just moving to Florida.
Working in India. I had a coworker who was from a very wealthy family in the States. Lots of issues, but one that sums it up well is that he believes the sandwich shop in the cafeteria 'hooks him up'. No Greg. There aren't lines or order here. You have to pay after you get your food. You are just taking the food and not paying. No random Indian who has never spoken to you is so enthralled with your charm as to give you free food all the time. He just has no real recourse to complain as he is paid probably around 5 USD a day and doesn't feel comfortable complaining about a white employee who makes more than 80% of the people in the 14flr building. Start paying the 35 Rupees for breakfast, you brat. It is like 50 cents.
Yesterday my 24 year old female coworker asked me what a clitoris is.
From someone who grew up about an hour away from London, "Are there more than 2 train stations in London?"
Same person said "You could wear me as a hat" and didn't understand why everyone found it funny.
She also hadn't even seen a photograph of a penis until she was 20 and didn't know if the balls were above or below the penis.
Her parents wouldn't let her see her friends unless a Christian went with her, because her dad didn't trust people who aren't Christians. In England this basically means he can trust about 5 people under the age of 30.
My ex and his family were confused to find out that I kept my pet cat inside and not tied to a tree in my backyard. They even offered to buy me supplies to do so. They couldn't understand why I would ever let anything like that live in my house.
My sister's house-mate is from Cambridge. When I went to stay with them I got to see her try and make breakfast. She couldn't work a toaster. She didn't understand pre-sliced bread. She couldn't crack an egg. She woke me up to crack eggs for her. Which she then didn't know how to scramble. She asked where the olive oil was, because she wanted olive oil for her toast. Alziari olive oil, which is around 3 for 100 ml. We only had Asda's own, and when I told her to use that, she lay down on the floor and sobbed that she, "just couldn't take it anymore!"
Rich girl I dated in college.
Her - "My washing machine is still broken, what am I supposed to do if the apartments don't fix it before I run out of clothes??"
Me - "Do them at a laundromat."
Her - "Those aren't real. "
Me - "...what? What do you mean?"
Her - "Those are just something in old movies."
So I drove her to a laundromat that was a few blocks away from her house. She laughed. I laughed at her and quietly wondered what I was doing with her. A few days later she asked me, "Why do they even call it olive oil? There aren't even any olives in it." Not the brightest girl ever, but she actually was very fun to be around.
Stories from this girl are more or less how I have all my karma. Here are a few pearls of nonsense that have flopped out of her face.
"It's not sex if he uses a condom."
"I had anorexia! When I had flu I didn't eat for like two days!"
"I'm allergic to sugar!" She lives off bread and drinks neat vodka regularly because it's not overly sweet, so it doesn't have sugar in. She would also insist on eating some cake or fruit I was eating and then make gagging noises and say how awful it was.
Not something they said, but I had a home-schooled friend who's father completely controlled him, and didn't allow him to have real life friends. He controlled who he talked to when playing online video games.
Our fathers worked together, and eventually we became friends, playing games online together. At one point our parents agreed we should meet up and hangout in real life. First time he came over I wanted to show him my computer in my basement, both of us around 12, I head down the stairs and turn back to see he didn't follow me. He then plumps his butt on the stairs and does that all the way down the flight of stairs.
Over our about 2 year friendship this never changed. Still talk to him via steam but no idea if he is still this way.
My ex went to bible college. Her roommate was part of a "I'm not doing it!" group that performed vague skits about abstinence. She was kicked out because the baby bump she had became pretty obvious. Her boyfriend insisted they never did it. They eventually found out that she let her previous boyfriend do things that she didn't understand. Those two had a shotgun wedding days before the baby was born. Her mother had told her that babies come from seamen, and being from Nebraska she was far from any sailors. I wish that last sentence was a joke.
Guy I know was talking about how New York City was the worst place he'd ever been to.
He'd been to the LaGuardia airport. His connecting flight to Aruba was delayed overnight. This was the one time he's been to New York City.
I have a friend from a super-wealthy background who doesn't really understand things like frugality, because he's never had to be frugal himself. And he seems genuinely surprised by people who live less extravagantly than he does. It's all 'this is the lifestyle I like', which is basically expensive wining and dining, all the time. Like he's entitled to live a life of leisure without working hard in order to afford that lifestyle.
He's one of those people who just pisses away money and expects people to give him money when he hasn't got any himself.
He's had jobs here and there and he actually has a bachelor's degree too, but he's never not had his parents paying his rent for him and giving him an allowance, and seems to have zero desire for any kind of career. He's 27.
"Rent is what, like $30 a month?"
My old roommate brought over a girl he was dating one summer day. I was outside mowing the lawn when they pulled into the driveway and they walked over for a quick introduction. The first thing she said was "What are you doing?" I thought it was just like a rhetorical question so I just responded with "Haha yeah it's pretty hot out today." But then she asked again, so I said "Ya know, just mowing the lawn." She was really nice and everything, but the look on her face was like when you explain something to a kid and they say "Oh okay" but on the inside they're trying to wrap their head around this wild new information you've just given them.
My old roommate and I about a year ago were joking around about how female roommates use more toilet paper, and he started to get genuinely annoyed. He started saying stuff like "What the heck? Why do they use so much more? I don't get it at all, it's just rude!"
Had to explain to this 28-yr-old that women generally wipe when they pee.
A woman I went to undergrad with didn't understand that you have to pay credit card companies back because her father paid her balance every month.
Thanks for reading!
Life is hard. It's a miracle to make it through with some semblance of sanity. We are all plagued by grief and trauma. More and more people of all backgrounds are opening up about personal trauma and its origins. Finally! For far too long we've been too silent on this topic. And with so many people unable to afford mental health care, the outcomes can be damaging.
All of our childhoods have ups and downs and memories that can play out like nightmares. We carry that, or it follows us and the first step in recovery is talking about it. So who feels strong enough to speak?
Redditor u/nthn_thms wanted to see who was willing to share about things they'd probably rather forget, by asking:
What's the most traumatizing thing you experienced as a child?
I am claustrophobic. It paralyzes my life. I can't ride elevators. I freak out at amusement parks. And don't get me started on trains in New York that get stuck in the tunnel. Why am I like this?
"I was about 7 or 8 when I heard some noise coming from the garage. My mom was at work and I was being babysat by one of my uncles. I went to open the garage to find my other uncle strangling his girlfriend up against the car. She had blood coming out of her nose and mouth. I just froze and stood there staring and my uncle didn't even notice and continued choking and strangling her."
"My other uncle came to the door where I was standing saw what was happening and grabbed me. He called my mom and then the police who later came and arrested my uncle. There's more to this story I wasn't privy to at such a young age. But yeah my other uncle is crazy. He's been to jail a few times, has anger and control issues."
"Going to another person's house and realizing that living in filth and decay and having breathing problems isn't the norm. Having dinner every night and a clean room was just a regular day in their household. Grass is always greener right? Especially when yours is dead and everyone from school thinks your house is haunted. Smh good riddance."
"Watching my grandpa slowly waste away on our living room couch. He had a paraganglioma on his pancreas, and there was nothing (especially in 1980) that could be done for him. I was four, and he was my favorite person, and I couldn't sit with him, or hug him, or anything. I miss him even after 40 years. Either that or my best friend dying over Christmas break in 1988. I miss her too. I pretty much hated everything after that."
"I saw my Dad get swept away and drowned when I was 11. It's really something I've never recovered from. It's been 16 years and not a day goes by I don't remember it. I live with it. I think we have to for those who we've lost. I always kind of imagine it as a sort of like an emotional loss of a limb. I haven't lost a limb, but I imagine you adapt to not having it. You learn. But you never forget you are missing an arm or a leg."
It's taken me years to confront my struggle. Finally a little while ago, I tried hypnotherapy and I was able to recover a childhood memory that manifested into my phobia. I was trapped in handcuffs as a joke by my babysitter's brother. Six hours.
"The older I got through my teens, the more my step-father's alcoholism spiralled out of control, and the more I was biding my time until I was 18 and would head off to college. Education was my only escape in my mind. Every instance of physical and emotional abuse had to be met with, "just shut up and take it, it'll be over someday." Really wish I could give that kid who slept on the floor of a three-bedroom trailer a hug and say that he'd make it out and get a master's degree. I feel like I just won a decade-long war."
"I had a dog that I absolutely loved. I begged for this dog in a Walmart parking lot a week before my 3rd birthday, my mom said I could have the dog but that meant no birthday presents or cake just the dog (she lied, I got presents, cake, and dog.) This dog went everywhere with me and did everything with me. Despite being a tiny mutt he would do his best to protect me from our Doberman who did not like me."
"In fairness to the doberman, as a 2 yr old I did stomp on his nuts for some unbeknownst reason so no hard feelings on not liking me. When I was 5 my mom became a truck driver so we moved in with my grandparents on their farm. While I was at school one day Bouncy had gotten into the fence with the donkeys and was kicked in the head."
"When I got off the bus I couldn't figure out why he wasn't waiting on me. My grandparents met me outside and told me what happened, then walked me in to where he was. He died 30 minutes after I got home like he was waiting to see me. I haven't been able to bond with a pet since."
"I saw our neighbor's collie killed by a driver speeding through the neighborhood. As a young boy, it had real impact because I loved her, and it hurt when he stuck his head out the driver's door window, grinned, and just sped off - leaving the dog dead in the road and me - a kid - in tears. As I once commented, how anyone could be so callous and cruel was beyond my imagination."
"I actually don't remember the event much, but when I was really young (~6years old) I was playing outside and I heard a woman screaming. I was curious so I went across the street to see a bunch of smoke coming out of the cracks in the front door. Didn't see any flames initially so I didn't put two and two together right away. My Dad saw me across the street in the driveway just staring at the house and when he investigated what I was doing he realized the house was on fire. Whole house burnt down."
"Older woman fell asleep on her couch with a lit cigarette. I was traumatized by fire as a kid and I was petrified about burning alive in my sleep for quite some time. Dad had to install a fire escape ladder in my room, fire extinguishers, etc. I was obsessed with what to do in case of fires as a kid. No longer an issue, but my parents still tell me stories about how they knew that messed me up."
"I was 12 and sat down at the edge of a sidewalk to pet a cat crossing the road. I lived on a very quiet, but wide street. Even if a car drove by, there would've been a lot of room, as I was in an area reserved for parallel parking. (No cars were parked though). All of a sudden a big red car sped up and swerved to hit the cat. It missed me by inches, and instantly killed the cat. It was decades ago, and I still think about it often."
"Oh, hands down, my mother alcoholism. It really messes you up in ways that you cannot imagine. And you don't even realize that until years after. I still can't drink alcohol because of it, it terrifies me to even entertain the possibility to become something close to her."
I survived. But, I'm still haunted. I think I always will be. But I have learned to manage. We all struggle with the past. We were too young to process. But now we have to try. You're not alone.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
Being single can be fun. In fact, in this time of COVID, being single can save lives. But the heart is a fickle creature.
And being alone can really suck in times of turmoil. None of us are perfect and it feels like that's all anyone is looking for... perfect.
Now that doesn't mean that all of us are making it difficult to partner up. Sure, some people are too picky and mean-spirited, but some of the rest of us are crazy and too much to handle. So one has to be sure.
The truth is, being single is confusing, no matter how much we try to match. So let's try to understand...
Redditor u/Mcxyn wanted to discuss some truths about love and our own issues, by asking:
Why are you single?
Give too much. Give too little. Pay for the first date. Don't pay for anything. I've heard it all. Sometimes it all worked, sometimes it didn't. Let's hear more...
Nemo?Finding Nemo Movie GIFGiphy
"There are plenty of fish in the sea. Unfortunately, I live in the desert."
"My girlfriend passed, and I can't figure out how to fall out of love with a dead woman."
"I think the only way I could move forward is knowing I will always love and cherish her memory, but am capable of loving another as well. Then again there's nothing wrong with making peace with the fact you've had the love of your life and staying single."
"I tell myself it's by choice."
"Here is the reality, it may make some feel better. If you aren't using a dating app, not going to bars/clubs or putting yourself out there, you have made a conscious choice not to date. If you are ok with this, you have NOTHING to be ashamed or worried about. Some people are wired differently. Not everyone wants to be in a relationship. If you are not ok with this, you need to make some changes in your life. And no, it's not their fault. Do some introspection."
"Self esteem issues. Anyone I like enough to date deserves better than me."
"I have a question for you, I suspect that this person I really care for a lot also really cares a lot for me but they push me away despite never fighting having any disagreements or ever a bad time or issue of any type. In fact, we've always really enjoyed each other's company. So my question is would you or have you just given up on someone despite really liking them because you thought that they'd just leave you anyway and couldn't possibly be happy with you--and they'd would be disappointed? Thinking you're doing them a favor?
"It's not really that I would be worried about them leaving or being disappointed with me. I'm disappointed in myself, and I wouldn't want to bring that into a relationship. I don't like me, so how can I ask someone else to? If I've given up on myself, then I'm really not bringing anything to the relationship except baggage. I'm not sure I'm doing them a favor, but I am sure that they will find someone better than me."
"Also, I swear I'm a functioning human lol. These are legit the deep dark thoughts that come out in the wee hours of the morning. I am trying to fight against this train of thought as much as I can, but I hope you can see why I wouldn't want to make this someone else's problem, especially someone that I care for deeply."
The Appeal...So Excited Reaction GIF by OriginalsGiphy
"I assume because I'm not appealing in any way to anyone"
no one else....
"I can barely handle myself, what makes you think I could handle some other fool?!"
"For me, it is a choice. In my country, marriage is set up by parents and children barely have a say in 90% cases. I am 35 now and still single, think of it how you will. I just detest human interactions. When I try to recall the happiest moments of my life, all of them were with my dogs, gods help their departed souls. I can't imagine spending intimate time with another human being. And a relationship is unnecessary bondage. It is an utter waste of time, money, energy and everything one can imagine."
"I'm a physically ugly dude who generally dates by having people get to know me for a while, look past my looks and develop feelings for me. Post-university this has been extremely difficult, as I don't have enough people coming through my life despite my best efforts, and doubly so in a dating market that is so thoroughly warped by looks-based online dating."
"I lack the social skills."
"It's difficult, I avoided people and bonding with people because I was too insecure about being socially unskilled and this only gets worse with time, people are growing and getting better at it, but I barely started really."
ConnectionsDont Touch Me Season 9 GIF by FriendsGiphy
"I don't connect with people very well. I have a hard time talking to people I care about normal things, and I have an even harder time talking to them about my feelings. On top of that I have really bad social anxiety and I don't have a lot of friends, so the chances of me actually getting in a relationship is basically zero."
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Whether you're an at home parent, a college student just leaving the nest, or a Food Network junkie, there are a few basic tips that everyone should know.
Chef's gave us some of their top tips for amateurs and beginner at home cooks that will really make a difference. They are trained professionals with years of experience in the kitchen, so they definitely know what we're all missing.
If you're looking to improve some of your cooking skills and techniques, but you're still learning how to boil water correctly, this list is for you.
Redditor BigBadWolf44 wanted in on the secrets and asked:
"Chefs of Reddit, what's one rule of cooking amateurs need to know?"
Let's learn from the masters!
What a common mistake!
"A lot of the time when people add salt to a dish because they think it tastes flat, what it really needs is an acid like lemon juice or vinegar."
"Instructions unclear I drugged my dinner party guests and now they're high on acid."
"Yes! Or tomatoes. They're pretty acidic too and go with so many things. Our dinners are so much better once the garden tomatoes are ripe. Or if a dish is too acidic, oil/butter or a little sugar can help add balance to it."
"Like tomato and eggs. Every Chinese mom makes those slightly differently and I haven't had a tomato egg dish I didn't like yet."
"There's a book called 'Salt Fat Acid Heat' that comes highly recommended to amateur cooks."
"Reading even just the first chapter about salt made a lot of food I cooked immediately better, because I finally understood salt wasn't just that thing that sat on the dinner table that you applied after the meal was cooked."
"Salt is important for sweets. A batch of cookies without that little hint of salt doesn't taste quite right."
Unfortunately, this tip might not be accessible to everyone. Many people who contracted COVID can no longer use their sense of smell the way they used to.
"Have a friend that lost his smell from COVID, and now he only recognizes if food is salty, sweet, sour or bitter."
"Just wait until he gets his sense of smell back and a ton of foods smell like ammonia or literal garbage now. Yeah, that's fun... It's been 7 months for f*cks sake just let me enjoy peanut butter again!!!!!!!!!"
You can't take back what you've already put in.
"You can always add, but you cannot take away."
"I find people's problems usually are they're too scared to add rather than they add too much."
"I see you also grew up white in the mid-west."
"Not really a cooking tip, but a law of the kitchen: A falling knife has no handle."
"I'm always so proud of my reflexes for not kicking in when I fumble a knife."
"If I drop anything else, my stupid hands are all over themselves trying to catch it (and often failing). But with a knife the hardwired automatic reaction is jump back immediately. Fingers out of the way, feet out of the way, everything out of the way. Good lookin out, cerebellum!"
"Speaking of KICKING in. On first full time cooking job I had a knife spin and fall off the counter. My (stupid) reflex was to put my foot under it like a damn hacky sack to keep it from hitting the ground. Went through the shoe, somehow between my toes, into the sole somehow without cutting me. Lessons learned: (1) let it fall; (2) never set a knife down close to the edge or with the handle sticking out; (3) hacky sack is not nearly as cool as it could be."
"Similarly, NEVER put out a grease or oil fire with water. Smother with a lid or dump baking soda in there (do not use flour, as it can combust in the air making things worse)."
How else will you know it tastes good?
"Taste the food."
"Also don't be afraid to poke and prod at it. I feel like people think the process is sacred and you can't shape/flip/feel/touch things while you cook them. The more you are hands on, the more control you have."
"No, this does not include situations where you are trying to sear something. Ever try flipping a chicken thigh early? That's how you rip a chunk out of it and leave it glued to the pan until it's burnt."
Here's one just for laughs.
"When you grab a pair of tongs, click them a few times to make sure they are tongs."
"People really overlook this one. You've gotta tong the tongs a minimum of 3 times to make sure they tong, or else it can ruin the whole dish."
If you're looking to get into cooking or to improve you technique, pay attention to these few tips.
Salt generously, add an acid to brighten things up, and don't forget to taste your food!
If all else fails, you can always order take out.
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As part of the learning process, children often do embarrassing things before they learn a little more about the world and all the different implications therein. While the inappropriate moment is usually minor and ends in laugher some instances are truly mortifying.
One such instance involved a little sister who was around 6 at the time. It was the 90s and at the height of the youth-focused PSAs (think the frying egg representing your brain). One type was a safety PSA about stranger danger. The speaker would remind the children that if a stranger tried to take you anywhere to yell “Stop, you're not my mommy/daddy" to raise the alarm.
Fast forward to our grocery store trip with our mother, my younger sister, and myself. Sister was having a fit over wanting one of those cheap plastic toy packs they hang in some of the aisles. Mom said no.
Cue the scream, my little blonde sister lets out a wail and starts yelling for the entire store to hear "Stop it! You aren't my mom! You aren't my mommy! No!" My mom tried to grab her hand and tell her to stop but then realized that in doing so it made the scene look worse.
It was such a mix of mortification and humor that I just stood there. Little sister stopped after a few minutes, pretty sure she got her prized toy just to shut up. Now that I'm older it's a wonder the police didn't come.
Redditor Granted01 wanted to hear the most embarrassing childhood moments the internet had to offer and asked the subreddit:
“What inappropriate thing did you do as a child that you didn't realise was inappropriate?"
The answers make us want to crawl into a hole for them.
“My parents used to keep mini bottles of liquor in the fridge (the ones you'd find in hotel mini bar). We had to make our own lunches at times when mom and dad were busy with work and my first-grade self decided to empty the bottles into the sink and put juice in them to bring to school… my parents got a call that day from school lol." wander-lux
On my--well, him...
“Not me but my daughter. We live in a place where we don't see many people of different ethnicities but one day she saw a Muslim man with a beard dressed in the long white outfit, and she was convinced he was God."
“No idea why but she wouldn't leave the dude alone (she was 4) and started reeling off a Christmas list.. turns out Santa and God were mixed up too. Thankfully he found it funny." ApricotSuperb7196
“Not me, but my sister used to lap her drinks up like a dog. Turns out she was calling this "doggy style". One time they forgot to bring her a straw at the restaurant we were in and she loudly screamed "guess I'll do it doggy style". I think she was 7 or 8 at the time." knotsy-
Not what they’re called…
“I used to call those pigeons with the pointy tuft on their heads ‘horny birds’. I would yell it out so loudly too -.- my mum told me she had to look away every time I did it because it made her laugh until she cried. Obviously I wasnt told until later because I was only 5 at the time.” Artherwritethiss
Anything but that *gag*
“I used to play with this cup in the bath and drink water out of it for years, did it in the shower too as i got older, it had a handle on the end of it and I never knew why. One day I witnessed my mother use this cup in the toilet violently, and that was the moment I realized what a plunger was."
“It scared me I was about 10 when I realized what I had been using as a toy. I would fill it up with water in the bath or shower and play with it, and sip the water out of it, etc as kids do with toys I guess. Probably never forget that." That-nz-guyChannel 9 Brush GIF by Married At First Sight AustraliaGiphy
“riding my big wheel across one of the busiest roads in town…”
“I was a serious nudist as a child. My parents could never keep me in my clothes. My older sister would have her friends over who I had a crush on and I'd run outside butt naked to see them. There's a story that I still get teased about to this day of when my neighbor called my mom at work to tell her I was riding my big wheel across one of the busiest roads in town completely nude.” jdbuck99
“I called my Granny's boyfriend a dirty bastard…”
“I grew up on Looney Tunes & would call people who were mean to me stinkers or dirty bastards. I called my Granny's boyfriend a dirty bastard cause he started teasing me. I had my mom dying.” Kuriosity93
“my mum made me forge her papers…”
“When I was like 12 my mom was on probation and had to do community service. (Still no idea why) I had pretty good cursive handwriting at the time and my mum made me forge her papers and sign her p.o's name saying she was doing her service. Good times. Thanks for the memories mum.” osum_o_posum
Why didn’t they say anything!?
“When I was in 5th grade we made a calendar to take home. We each had our picture taken and glued to cover and were allowed to decorate it and each of the following months however we chose."
“Being 10 (nearly 11) there was so much that I didn't know about the world. What made it tick and more importantly, its history. Prior to the creative masterpiece that was unfolding in class, at home, I had walked in on my dad watching a WWII documentary where they showed footage of the German regalia and, subsequently, their flags."
“Not knowing any better, I thought the 'windmill' symbol was really cool and decided it should be on the cover of this calendar. One in each corner with my photo smack dab in the middle."
“No one said anything to me about it. It went through the lamination machine and was sent home with me. I wish I could've seen my teacher's reaction while she thought one of her students had skinheads for parents..." FusedByFire
A different way to say hello…
“Right, so anyone who's seen Mr. Bean (the movie) probably remembers the scene where he waves his middle finger at people tryna say hi? I did that. To an elderly person. Need I say more.” Blackrap1d
These cringe-worthy and laughable moments are brought to you by the ignorance of childhood. We've nearly all had a moment like this growing up, some just way, way worse than others.
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