The blockbuster movie "The Hangover" is just entertainment, not a blueprint for a fun night out before your I Do's.
A night of abandon that is recorded in the friendship history books. But all the activities included in those evenings should be within reason! Remember you're still committed to this other person. You're just out for a good time, you're not single for a day. So let's not get too crazy!
Redditor theukmoody wondered People who have witnessed a "There's not going to be a wedding" moment following a bachelor/bachelorette party: what went down? Gird your loins kids!
That old spark is dangerous...Giphy
My wife's friend called off her wedding a week before the ceremony. She lived several hundred miles away for school but came back to her hometown two weeks before the wedding to make sure everything was lined up and have her bachelorette party. In the course of her visit, she came across an old boyfriend (who was also engaged) and things "sparked" up again. They agreed they should each leave their fiancés and give their relationship another shot.
Turns out, he didn't keep up his end of the bargain, and she is still single today.
My dad and his friends took a buddy by canoe to an island to get drunk the night before the wedding. He told them all he didn't want to go through with it but couldn't figure out how to get out of it. When he woke up in the morning, they had stranded him on the island, he missed the wedding, his buddies were branded as the jerks. Groom to be was relieved.
Calling Betty Ford...
I see a lot of bachelor and bachelorette parties in my line of work. I actually have a few of these memories.
The first that comes to mind was an interesting night where the bachelor party was happening at one bar and the bachelorette party was in the bar down the block. At the groom to be's party I get a call for help from the place. It's a tame security call. Just a couple getting it on in a bathroom. The bar wanted them booted. I find out the dude is the groom to be and the girl is just some random chick. The chick goes off on her own and now I'm with the groom outside. He's drunk and almost uncontrollable. I am trying to find him a way home safe. His bros were all drunk and kept the party going without him. After a while, the bride to be and her gals come walking down the street. A couple people around chime in and tell her why I am there dealing with him. She breaks down and calls the wedding off right there. He ended up going to detox that night.
"She's" the one!Giphy
I traveled with my wife (then girlfriend) to a wedding she was in. I told my wife there is something going on between the bride and the maid of honor. She laughed. Two weeks after the wedding the brides Facebook goes dark. The bride and maid of honor are now living together in another state. I still talk about how I called it within an hour of meeting them. Poor groom... super nice dude.
Boo she is cray! Run!Giphy
I know a guy who seemingly had his life together: great career, lots of friends, beautiful fiancee.
He had a tendency to drink too much while partying, and a few weeks before the wedding he woke up in the hospital with serious injuries due to a non-automotive drunken accident. The scariest part for him was that he didnt remember a thing past leaving the party to walk home. Did he fall and hit his head? Did someone attack him and leave him for dead?
The thought of that scared him, and he decided to sober up. It also caused him to reflect on his life, and he realized his fiancee was manipulative, controlling, and he'd never be happy living with someone like that. He has some long term damage from the injury, but he's still sober, spends much of his free time for a charitable cause, and dodged a serious bullet (a bad marriage) as a result of that horrible injury so he oddly came out ahead in the end.
- A wedding came in from out of town, the bride/groom hadn't had a stag/hen do so decided the night before that the men and woman would split up and each have their own party. The men had a small cocktail bar and the women took the restaurant. I was meant to be working the main bar but got asked by a female colleague to cover the cocktail bar as the men were getting rowdy and making comments - no problem. Got in there and its just a group of old mates getting hammered, pretty standard stuff, until the stripper arrived. She did a full show, the groom has to remove her underwear with his teeth. All was well until the women found out and called off the wedding - shouting matches went on well into the early hours. The wedding did go ahead, but you could tell there was awkwardness in the air.
- The bride came to the bar asking if we had seen the groom as he was needed for some photographs or cutting the cake, can't quite remember. None of the staff had seen him so she went outside, only to return a few minutes later in tears. She had caught the groom getting with the Maid of Honor...her sister. All out family war commenced with extra guests just sitting there enjoying the buffet. Worst part was hearing the bride cry "I can't believe this happened again", I really felt bad for her because she was lovely. 8bitbenben
The bartender holds the secrets...Giphy
I bartend weddings fairly often and work directly with wedding planners all the time and meet with the bride and groom to be to talk things through and create a sense of familiarity. Each time I met the groom he just kind of seemed out of it but I chalked it up to stress. Day of the wedding before the ceremony the wedding planner comes over and asks for a couple shots for herself, she doesn't drink on jobs so I ask her why. Apparently things were about to get started but the groom was missing and wasn't responding to phone calls so everyone is looking for him then one of the brides maids disappears.
Not long after the brother of the groom gets a text from the groom saying he and the brides maid are in love and they're running away to elope and that he'll call him after. Everyone is getting antsy waiting for things to start and they've all been waiting like 2 hours. Now the wedding planner has to tell 150 people that the wedding is off and explain to the parents what happened while the wedding party is consoling the bride.
Ex-girlfriend was going to a friend of a friends bachelorette party, mainly for her friend who didn't want to go solo.
Anyway, I knew they were going to a strip club and expected to hear all about those shenanigans. She text me when they were leaving, the bride had payed for two of the strippers to come back with them. They went back and the show continued. Everyone seemed like they were having fun, but generally playing by the rules. Nothing that doesn't go on at tons of bachelorette parties.
At some point things took a turn. Then, things went the way they usually do with sexually charged people. People started screwing. Turned into two of the girls having sex with the strippers. Then the bride.
There was no wedding.
Wedding Photographer here - This happened with a couple back in 2015.
Night before the wedding, all the bridal party got together at the hotel, partied, and drank a LOT. I show up the next morning 8am after a 2 hour drive to be told by the hotel receptionist, that there was not going to be a wedding.
Apparently a large fight broke out between the groomsman and bridesmaids. Money to pay then vendors was stolen. The ceremony was supposed to be at 11am that day. After about 2 minutes of WTF is going on here, nobody called and told me. I called the bride's mother - and she stated that she was off to pick up the bride and groom, sit them down, and still try to have a wedding.
Fast forward a couple hours, the groom showed up drunk out of his mind around 10am, guests were already showing up, the bride finally showed around 11:30 - noon time, and there was a ceremony at 1pm. Yes - they still got married. The groom was drunk the whole day, the couple argued a ton.
Needless to say... It was an eventful day.
Dear Jane... I'm a little...Giphy
A friend of mine in college had been engaged to her high school sweet heart. Plan was for them to get married after she graduated. She was one of those that dreamed of her wedding since she was a little girl. She had been planning FOREVER!!! A week before the wedding, he leaves without a trace, except a note saying I can't marry you. She was devastated. We still had a party with the wedding cake, food, etc. because it had all been paid for already. Saddest party ever. She ran into him a few years later at an 80's dance club wearing a mesh shirt and a taxi hat making out with a dude. Saw it coming!!!
Birds of a Feather...Giphy
Both parties happened same night same location as they didn't trust each other. Bachelorette and her maid of honor snuck off mid party to go up stairs to a room they booked to have sex with some random people.
Don't worry the bachelor was a scum too, at some point during their relationship he poked holes in condoms so she'd get pregnant and stay.
Hey girl hey/Ooops...
Not because of the party but still good. Day of the wedding Groom's family is patiently waiting. Bride's family hasn't shown. Bride's mother finally arrives and says that Bride has discovered Groom has a second fiancee in another state and wedding is off. Rehearsal dinner photos on Facebook and someone tagged the wrong girl assuming that was his fiancee he had been talking about. Except it was the other fiancee. So Bride see her tagged as someone else and messages from out of town friends about "Cant wait to meet her why wasn't I invited?"
This be like Jerry Springer meets Maury while at a UFC match! It's awesome!Giphy
Strip club manager here,
Funniest thing I've ever seen. 5 man bachelor party comes into work. Kinda tipsy and having a good time but not being disruptive. They are hanging out for a while and they are great, throwing money and overall being pleasant. At this point they have done nothing wrong. About 2 hours in, my front door flings open and in barge 4 very very drunk women. They storm right past security, make a beeline for the group and what I later learned was the bride, proceeds to beat the absolute crap out of the groom. Then 2 of the other ladies proceed to botch at than attack the best man and another guy. Me and my team bolt over to try and separate the cluster that just transpired pulling the ladies off the guys who looked just as surprised as we were.
We drag them outside and the guys all follow out. The bride start going absolutely nuts on the groom saying how she can't believe he'd go to a strip club to see naked women before their wedding. The groom starts yelling saying it's not a big deal etc. The maid of honor and best man (who were apparently married) also are having the same discussion.
The fun really gets turned to 11 when the quiet female (up to this point) walks up and slaps the dog crap out of the groom wondering why she wasn't good enough. Apparently they had dated years ago and she never got over him. Also apparently the bride did NOT know this information. Bridezilla goes OFF. Start beating the crap out of quiet chick. While groom, me and another security guy are trying to stop a murder in my parking lot, best man and maid of honor are still arguing. Once we separate bride and quiet chick, all we hear is best man scream forget this! Walks over, tells groom he screwed the bride like 3 years ago at a party with the maid of honor and he didn't want him to marry her.
Groom surprisingly is calm... turns to bride and says the wedding was off. She starts freaking out crying apologizing and begging as he walks in the club to pay his tab...
Craziest night at work ever....
Always check who you're emailing
I was two weeks away from getting married, ex went off with her friends for Bachelorette party two in the morning I get a email from the maid of honor it was supposed to be sent to her friends and my name was accidentally selected, the email contained a video of my bride to be performing oral on the male strippers. The next day we were supposed to finalize some plans when the bride to be and maid of honor showed up to pick me up i just pointed at the computer... bride went pale then spent the next eight hours attempting to explain what was going on, then it turned into a horrible mistake, I think at some point I passed out because i had started drinking right after seeing the video and just didn't stop.
Thank her for her service?Giphy
Military idiot in my old unit had a bachelor party at a (very nasty) strip club and screwed a stripper in front of his buddies in the private room. Of course word about this spread like wildfire in the unit and confirmed by the dozen of guys that were in the room when it happened, military spouses gossip and talk and soon the wife found out and they were divorced less than a month later.
I'm still friends with the groom on FB and he is still a idiot.
Dodged A Bullet
My wife had a friend whose fiancee called off the wedding after he found out she had been with a black guy... years before they even started dating.
Always trust your gut...Giphy
This happened to one of my oldest friends who I met in preschool, our families were friends, they moved out of state in middle school but we kept in touch. Cut to our 20s- He gets engaged to his gf that he was living with, everything sounds good, I got the invite and was making plans to travel for the wedding. They had a joint bachelor/bachelorette weekend in Vegas with their wedding party and I coincidentally was out there the same weekend visiting family, so I joined them out one night.
It was awkward AF. I can't really describe the tension. Fiancé didn't even say hi or acknowledge me when I said congrats (first time meeting her too). Everything was disorganized, no one knew what was going on, we kinda wandered from place to place til we settled at a bar in a hotel. I never saw the bride and groom next to each other all night let alone talking. They got in different cabs from one place to the other even though it was not separated by guys and girls, but one big party. I ended up hanging out mostly with my friend's older brother and his gf. I got the weirdest vibe off the situation and when I got back I told my SO I wanted to hold off buying the plane tickets and wasn't sure I wanted to make the effort and pay a lot of money to travel to a wedding that I felt so uneasy about.
Maybe two weeks later my friend calls to ask if I've bought tickets yet. Not yet... Good he says, the wedding is off. Fiancé decided she was in love with one of the groomsmen and she moved in with him. The groomsman that lived right next door to them. She claims she never cheated while they were together and it just happened... right. I think she and groomsman got married some time later, but my friend was stuck in the lease living next to them for several months.
Shots for the groom... I mean the birthday boy!
It was a month before my scheduled wedding and I was getting everything ready. In the meantime all of my close friends in my wedding party came out to celebrate my bachelor party with some drinking, floating, sky diving, etc. Well the night before they get there, my now ex-fiance of 8 years says that she no longer wants to go through with the wedding. So I spend the morning my friends are there calling around to friends, family, reservation services and explaining the news (completing blindsided). Come to find out she had cheated on me and had been feeling that way "for awhile" but didn't share this with me until the day of my Birthday... the day before my friends visit for a few days.
Needless to say the plans changed a bit and it turned into my Birthday party instead. Was pretty awful but I ended up having a good time with best friends.
Much happier now with my soul mate and so thankful that things worked out the way they did!
What happens in Vegas... may destroy your life!
Bachelor party went on a cruise and never left the ship. Ate too much and drank a lot. Meanwhile the bachelorette party went to Vegas. The bride banged one of the strippers and two of the bridesmaids hooked up with old boyfriends who just happened to be there. The wedding never happened. But the bridesmaids are now both engaged to their respective boyfriends (the ones that they cheated on) and planning a double bachelorette party in..... you guessed it..... Las Vegas.
Left foot green...Giphy
Three of us guys were best friends since high school - we'll say it's Billy (guy getting married), Joel (one of the 3 amigos), Martin (me). Fast forward to about age 23 - Billy is getting married to this girl who was 19 at the time. Night of the bachelor party, somehow Joel and I are alone with the bride-to-be. She's got a few drinks in her, and decides to seriously proposition Joel for sex. We thought long and hard about telling Billy, but given previous experiences (we told him about an Ex doing some shady crap and he proceeded to stop talking to us until they broke up), we decided against it. They did get married... 6 months in he got home early from work and walked in on her in the middle of taking her clothes off in the living room with another dude. While they might have just been starting an innocent game of naked twister, he decided to divorce her.
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All of us have fears which some might call irrational.
Up to and including ghosts, witches, monsters.
But more often than not, reality can be far scarier than the supernatural.
And there are very few people indeed who don't have a memory of a moment when they were truly and genuinely scared.
And not by an otherworldly encounter, but by things that could quite literally happen to anyone.
Redditor GodhimselfUwU was curious to hear the scariest experiences people have lived through, leading them to ask:
"What’s the scariest non-supernatural thing that ever happened to you?"
"I was 14, alone at my grandmas house around midnight."
"She was across the street at the bar she owned."
"I was playing games on her computer, about 15 feet from one of the windows facing the backyard."
"All of a sudden the glass from that window shatters, and I ran to one of the bedrooms."
"I can hear my name being called."
"Eventually I see my grandma's ex-boyfriend enter the living room where the computer is."
"He keeps saying my name."
"I’m scared sh*tless, but I walk out and confront him."
"He says my grandma stole his ID and that’s what he came for, as he’s taking money from my grandmas purse."
"He looks f*cked up on something."
"I forget how he leaves but when he does I call the bar and people come over looking for him."
"They didn’t find him."
"About a year later he did it again, and I was once again alone there."
"Except this time instead of breaking a window he decides to try to kick the side door in."
"I’m just there chilling when out of nowhere I hear the loudest bangs coming from the side of the house and I instantly knew what was happening."
"I immediately called the bar and they sent a bunch of people over before he could make it in."
"He apparently tried to jump from one of her sheds into the alley next to her house and broke his leg."
"He went to prison."- nfreshn
They're coming right for us!
"Two bison charging right toward me down a narrow wooded path in Yellowstone when I was 12."- pcc2Open Range Running GIF by Reconnecting RootsGiphy
Uncomfortable in new surroundings.
"My sister has mental health issues."
"We were in a foreign country, driving across mountains on a one lane dirt road with no guardrails."
"She had a complete mental breakdown and threatened many times to drive off the edge."
"To this day, my mom swears my sister wouldn't have done it."
"All I say is, 'you weren't in the car'."
"'You have no idea'."- BlorengeJulius
Lost in the woods.
"Getting lost on 350 acres of woods in southeast Georgia."
"Was found about 6 hours later."
The dog found me hours before the people did.- No_Regrats_42Scared Woods GIF by Brat TVGiphy
A near death experience.
"Was working as a linemen tasked to replace a 16m wooden power pole which requires climbing up to untie the lines from the isolators."
"I checked if the pole had any rot beforehand, climbed up, untied the lines, climbed down, as I was packing my tools up , the pole fell from its own."- LimaRadek
He wasn't who he claimed to be.
"A man claiming to be a meter reader was in our yard and tried the back door AFTER trying the front."
"It was unlocked because there was a field behind us and our gate had a lock, that he somehow got by."
"The meter reader man was nearly eaten by our Great Dane who was dumb and peaceful, except for when she laid eyes on him."
"Our other dog also wanted to kill him and he was up on our trampoline begging us to call the dogs off, which we, my then 11 year old sister and I, refused to do and went to get our dad, who worked from home."
"The guy escaped while we got our dad and my dad let the police know what happened."
"The real meter reader man came the next week."- ApplesintheorchardDog Bouncing GIF by AFV PetsGiphy
Had no idea what they were witnessing.
"I guess watching a loved one have a seizure when I didn’t understand what it was."
"Legit thought I witnessed a death."
"Scary stuff."- Peppapigisgodly
Always look both ways.
"I got hit by a car while in a crosswalk a few months back."
"Had a split second where I saw him coming and realized what was about to happen."
"I thought I was going to die."- jolalolalulu
Big Sister to the Rescue.
"Saved my sisters life."
"We were boating and my parents just kinda assumed we’d be ok with them only out a couple hundred feet."
"I was about 17 and she was about 7."
"I’m laying there chilling and see her slip and fall into the water and just straight up sink."
"Ran over, dove in and pulled her to shore."
"She spit up a bunch of water and was fine but that experience rocked me to my core."
"Not a super crazy story but almost seeing a sibling die has always stuck with me."
"I’ve broken almost every bone in my body, I died one time and was in a coma for a little bit but for some reason this one stuck with me."- Present-Trip5231
Often, an experience that left us scared does make for a good story down the line.
Though whether it was a good enough story to make having gone through the experience worth it, is debatable.
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Having to work for a living is hard work.
Some jobs come with difficulty and two extra sides of stress.
So the last thing people need is unwarranted hate.
I'm so glad I work from home. Writing alone.
I have issues with me, but that I can deal with.
I do hate internet issues.
But that is warranted.
Redditor PM_ME_URFOOD wanted to talk about the jobs where a ridiculous amount of vitriol is all part of a days work. They asked:
"What profession gets an unjustified amount of hate?"
Waiting tables was always the bane of my existence. Customers are rude. Staff is rude. It never ends.
Filthy HoursFail Just For Laughs GIFGiphy
"Trash men. They’re looked down on as dirty and uneducated, but they do a hard job that is absolutely critical to our public health."
"Youth sports officials. I umpire baseball as a hobby and the way parents act is deplorable."
"The parents on the other hand deserve loads of hate sometimes. I was a coach for soccer and volleyball while I was in the Air Force. You would have loved to be a sports official for our leagues at our base. If a parent got sh**ty they are immediately ejected, no questions, and reported to whoever is their higher authority. It almost never happened."
Behind the Counter
"Any customer (client/patient) facing job. They get the abuse that stems from managements decisions, mistakes and incompetence."
"I did customer service for automotive companies at a call center for years. People get so unhinged, between dealerships, management, people calling into the wrong department, angry customers who were itching for a fight over a rental car. The job paid for five free therapy sessions a year, but honestly, it would take every ounce of restraint not to break some days."
"You aren't allowed to defend yourself or hang up, you can't transfer them to supervisors for a call, you technically work for a third party company that exists to keep the customer from ever actually speaking to the corporation. It was the worst job I've ever had, and that's coming from someone who used to work at a seafood processing plant."
"Food service. The workers have to eat too, you know."
"Working fast food sucked. Not because the job was hard. But because people were *icks. For like, no reason. Working in an actual kitchen also sucked. Not because the work was hard, but because you never did it quick enough and your boss was a *ick for like no reason. But at least you didn't deal with customers."
Too much stress...Jim Carrey Omg GIFGiphy
"Defense attorneys. People hate them because they defend violent criminals. However, as one lawyer put it, their job is not just to defend these people; their job is also to make sure that the cops did their job correctly."
I've always wondered about defense attorneys. How do they reconcile their morals?
They're Smart Toowill birth control GIFGiphy
"I live in Germany and currently in my (hopefully) last semester of university to become a pharmacist (4 years of university, one practical year and three exams of state required). A lot of people here think pharmacists are only cashiers and don’t know we get a scientific education. And God help me if I question a doctor's decision."
"I usually just lurk as a guest, but I made a Reddit account just for this. Cooks for public schools. They are constantly overworked, underpaid, and disrespected. Most schools have only a few ovens and microwaves, so school chefs have to either jam unsafe amounts of frozen food into ovens and microwaves, which is a giant fire hazard, or work non-stop from early morning."
"Plant breeders and plant geneticists. Imagine you're a plant nerd and you spend your life studying genetics so you can figure out how to improve food crops. Like, to make them yield more, taste better, be healthier, survive drought, etc. But on the internet, you're apparently trying to poison the world and control the food supply."
"Veterinarians. My doctors CONSTANTLY get yelled at or called heartless when, for instance, we refer them to a hospital more suited to care for the animal than us. Like bro we didn't just tell you know we are giving you options and trying to ensure you seek the proper care. Don't call me a heartless b**tard for that crap."
No Fun InvolvedAngry Neil Flynn GIFGiphy
"Janitors. Trash-related work. Sewage workers. Plumbing."'
I feel for everyone in these jobs. They deserve better.
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Short of having a shopping addiction, no one actually likes spending money on stuff.
Why would you ever willingly give it away? It's your money!
Which might be why it feels so bad when you have to spend money of something that should be free from the beginning. People/ corporations are going to chase that cheddar, though, so there's little you can do besides complain, which frankly might be the best thing the internet is for.
"What should be free?"
Let's get these out of the way first...No, let's get this first one out of the way first.
Hidden fees are the worst.
Hidden. F***ing. Fees.
"Transaction/processing fees when you order a digital product online. Such as a concert ticket, where you pay 6 euro extra while you pay online, and have to print the ticket yourself."
"Or processing fees to pay bills that you need. Duke energy charges a $7 processing fee for you to pay your energy bill. Like wtf."
Pay To Pee
"Public bathrooms! The amount of human piles of poop around because the homeless have no where to relieve themselves!"
"Live in a very tourist-y part of the U.K., all public toilets charge and most cafes/pubs/libraries won’t let people use their toilets. As someone who lives here year round it’s really frustrating and doesn’t seem to make sense."
Want A Better Society? Educate Them.
"College. Or at the very least, college APPLICATIONS. If you're gonna require it for most careers, atleast make it accessible for people. And I just think it's stupid that people have to pay to get rejected."
"Oh god I hate that so much. Same with applying to apartments it’s such a waste of money if you don’t get approved. It racks up quickly too."
It does feel grimy when "official documentation" that is "mandatory" has to be bought and paid for not by the people requiring it, but by the people needing it.
Forcing Us To Pay For Something We're Forced To Have
"ID cards issued by the government. Especially since you need them for almost every aspect of daily living."
"I'm not the biggest fan of free stuf but having to pay for a piece of paper that says "I exist" is ridiculous."
It'll never not feel bad having to pay for something we expect to be free, but it feels ten times worse when it's something you need to get by in life. As in, need to live.
Let's All Agree To Take Care Of Each Other
"All base needs up to a level. I mean stuff we need to survive, eg. power, water,... and things we are required to use to be relevant in daily life internet,..."
"Seeing how now power companies are fuel companies are having THE biggest profit in years while more and more families are pushed into bigger and bigger deths just to get by."
"Same goes for internet tbh, poor kids are just not getting by in school becasue they lack the basic stuff every other kid has to get further in life. I am not saying they need the fastest possible internet with unlimited dl, but give them so they can work for school so the vicious cycle can be broken."
We Need It More Than Anyone
"All mental health services. If you don’t have benefits or a VERY good paying job, they are unaffordable for how often most people really need them. At $120-160/ session even once a week is not affordable for most people these days"
A Fine Line Between Need And Want
"Drinking water, sure. But water is an expendable resource and it should honestly be more restricted when we think about cases like people watering their lawns."
Paying To Live
"Insulin. People are dying because of greedy pharmaceutical companies."
"But We're 'Pro-Life'" - Jerks
"Birth control of all kinds."
"For anyone who b*tches about spending taxpayer money, I'd ask whether it costs more to provide condoms or to house prisoners."
"Giving birth (In the us)"
"As a female US citizen the more I learn about the whole giving birth sh*t the less I want kids. My friend just had a baby, there were some complications. She is now paying off a 14k hospital bill! The lowest I have hears is 8k. 8k just to have a f-cking kid! For a country that is gung-ho about forcing women to have kids they have missed the mark completely."
Everyone is looking for their payout, and unfortunately sometimes we're the ones who have to give it to them, whether it makes sense or not.
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The worst part of having breasts is Florida.
I didn't even say large breasts. Just breasts, any breasts. Florida and breasts are mortal enemies sworn to battle one another into oblivion until the end of days.
In other states, you and your ladies can live a more peaceful life. Here in Florida, it's A Song of Sweat And Fire Ants.
Ever get tiny little jellyfish stuck under your side-boob? Happens here all the time.
Bikinis should come with a "Sand Lice, Your Titty Crease, And You" informational pamphlet.
Wanna jog? Hope you accounted for the fact that the air is soup and will chafe and cauterize your nipples.
Know what limits your field of vision, making you more likely to accidentally step on a snake and/or gator? Boobs.
Know what slows you down as you try to escape the angry reptile from the above paragraph? Also boobs.
Reddit user Saibotnl1 asked:
"What's the most negative thing about having boobs?"
Now take all this stuff they said sucked, and then put it inside of a steam oven filled with mosquitos. That's Florida.
And Florida is incompatibile with breasts.
Cardio Is HardioGIF by VIASWEATGiphy
"I love them but running can be a nuisance even in a good sports bra."
"When I go to work, there is a woman that usually runs on the shoulder of the road. I gasp at how much her boobs bounce. Isn't that doing damage to tissue? Painful?"
"Yes! I literally always hold mine when going up/down stairs so they dont bounce. Running is uncomfortable even with a good bra :/ "
"If it's a sports bra that holds you, it's so tight that it's impossible to get into or out of without a whole team of people like a pit crew."
"If you can comfortably get into it, it won't hold the girls for long."
"Cardio is just not worth all this."
"As a kid I wasn't fit enough for jump rope, but now that I'm older and have the big boobies it feels even more impossible to ever indulge in."
Literally In The Way
"They get in the way!!"
"Lately I've been getting frustrated with exercise. My personal trainer will say to hold something a certain way and I'll try but it's so uncomfortable because my boobs are completely in the way."
"She has small boobs so she doesn't account for them being in that space right in front of your chest."
"My English teacher in 10th grade was drinking water one day when a few drops landed on his shirt. He then complained about getting older and how he never stuck out far enough to get his shirt wet."
"I just sighed."
"4th grade. 4th grade is when I stuck out too much to avoid drips."
"So very much this."
"I refuse to do mountain climbers when my trainer suggests it, she started to get mad saying it's a great exercise. My retort was that I'd really rather not knee myself in the breasts as part of my workout."
"The lady has small boobs and replied that she had never thought of that!"
"Probably growing them."
"It hurts, and if you get big boobs young and quickly, it’s both physical and social agony."
"It hurts to grow them, first of all, your chest aches and bumping them against anything really hurts - and since they’re a sudden, large addition to your body, you’re ALWAYS bumping them on stuff."
"But the social aspect is worse."
"Your female family members comment on them slyly and smirk at your response."
"Your male friends look at you weird and you have to realize they see you as more sexual than girls with smaller chests, even though you literally cannot control this."
"Other girls can be nasty and jealous."
"Eventually I learned to manage all this and I like having breasts now; but from like 11-16 I was so frustrated and upset that I had developed them at all."
Two Volcanosrachael ray boob sweat GIF by First We Feast: Hot OnesGiphy
"The sweat and itch!"
"Also that they're like two volcanos, which isn't especially practical during summers or when you're a constantly hot temperatured person anyway."
"No matter what I try, the skin under my boobs never cools down!"
"Boob sweat is the bane of my existence when it's even a little bit hot outside - and sometimes even when it's not lol..."
"I hate the feeling of sweat on my boobs. I just put tissue between and underneath my boobs to hopefully absorb the sweat so it won’t start to itch and drip."
"I STILL am not able to remove them after a long day. Why?!"
"Why can't I just set em aside for the night, all done. Why hasn't technology advanced to this possibility yet??"
"Absolutely they would. The relief we would get ... oh my god it sounds divine."
"Maybe I wouldn’t be so b*tchy."
"I’d honestly probably only wear them for ren faire, and leave them at home the rest of the year."
"The double standard of girls with small chests and big chests."
"If you have a big chest no matter what you wear or do it's sexual. But for girls with smaller chests they can get away with crop tops or v necks or even swim suits."
"Lol the bigger girls who spent their entire grade school years getting sent to the principal's office for breaking dress code will agree with you."
"Loose shirts will tent and billow up in the wind as you walk-- dress coded."
"Tight shirts that don't tent but cling to your chest-- dress coded."
"And don't even think about anything but a crew neckline, or you'll be dress coded again."
"I always got in trouble for wearing dresses in school, but skinny Minnie wearing something even worse gets by no problem just because she doesn't fill it out the way I do."
ExpensiveHappy Music Video GIF by DJ MustardGiphy
"Bras are expensive and you need regular bras, sports bras, probably something special like a strapless or low back if you have a special occasion or something."
"And don't even get me started on women's healthcare ..."
"Stage 4 breast cancer patient here, and it costs me about an extra $5000/yr to stay alive if everything goes well."
"I just stopped breastfeeding and none of my bras fit anymore."
"I’ve just been wearing sports bras every day because I don’t even know what cup size I am anymore and I don’t want to spend a fortune replacing all of my bras."
"Plus if you choose not to wear bras for any number of reasons, you’re treated as deviant or an acceptable target of inappropriate attentions."
"Laying on your stomach can be tricky."
"Laying on your back can be tricky as well."
"And on your side."
"Just laying in general with big boobs is a hassle."
"However women in my life have found it difficult to get a decent back massage because of this. I've seen plenty of massage tables with head holes, but none with boob support..."
"Semi-suffocating yourself on the beach while trying to get some sun on your back is fun."
"The fact that I look like a walking refrigerator if I wear a loose fitting top, as it billows shapelessly around my body in an odd fabric rectangle."
"But if I wear something form fitting, I look like a lady of the night and am treated as such."
"OMG this !!"
"I feel like all my girlfriends around me have such a fashion sense and can wear things with such grace but I always look as you’ve described. Like either I look like a couch pillow or Jessica Rabbit."
"Sometimes I just want to cut them off honestly."
"Yeah I’ve been wanting a reduction since a was a teen because of the back pain and catcalling, and many people I know with a bigger chest feel the same way."
"I had no idea women hated their boobs so much! It honestly is shining a light on an idea I have never thought of."
Attempted MurderBlack Woman Breast Cancer Awareness GIF by Know Your GirlsGiphy
"They might try to kill me."
"Breast cancer runs in my family and I have to have my first mammogram this year at 36."
"My mom was negative for both BRCA genes but there are 6 others they’ve discovered since she had cancer that we haven’t been tested for."
"Insurance won’t cover me to test unless she tests positive for one."
"Fun fun fun."
"My mom died from breast cancer at 46. I started getting mammograms at 34."
"Luckily, I took the BRCA test and was negative."
"Constantly being sexualized."
"I’m the least sexual person but people assume I’m super sexual because of my body. And I hate it"
"Yup, I'm ace and I honestly just want them chopped off to be rid of the constant sexualization of my body."
"It makes me really uncomfortable."
"My friend in elementary school had a condition where she went into puberty super early and had large breasts by 3rd grade."
"We would walk together to elementary school every morning and get cat called a lot, but we were too afraid to tell our parents because we thought they wouldn't let us walk together anymore."
"She would have teachers make comments about them."
"When we were older she talked about how insanely awful and alienating it made her feel growing up. Her younger sister had the same condition, but went on puberty blockers for it."
"These pendulous bags of hell have destroyed my back."
"Even a decade after a reduction surgery, I remain in daily pain. And now as an added bonus they get to be misshapen, scarred horribly, and completely useless for raising a baby."
"I didn’t realize how heavy they are until I got together with girl with big boobs and woooooow they are heavy!"
"I got C cups in fifth grade and those f*ckers went all the way to G by senior year."
"My posture was/is awful and I've felt like an old woman since I was a teenager. I don't even want babies, so they're never actually gonna be useful either."
See what I mean?
They're kind of awful once they hit a certain size, and that size is pretty much ANY size if you're in Florida.
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