Babysitters Share Secrets They Learned About The Parents They Worked For
Babysitting can be a very rewarding way to make money. As you can imagine, babysitters can often become rather intimately acquainted with the families whose children they take care of.
It's all fun and games until you discover the money the husband is hiding in his study, however.
Special thanks to Redditor NuclearSquid74, who asked the online community:
"Babysitters of Reddit, what seemingly normal parents had dark secrets?"
"Not a deep dark secret..."
Not a deep dark secret, but as someone with 15 plus year in childcare, it's pretty common for a lot of wealthy parents to prioritize their jobs and themselves over their kids. Kids can sense this and usually develop some sort of unhealthy way to get more attention. The response is usually to throw money at the problem instead of genuinely getting the kid help or re-examining their family structure. It's always so deeply sad to me, a few families I have worked for, I genuinely wondered why they had kids. I understand parents need a break and people have to work, but man, it was so sad.
"I worked full time..."
I worked full time for a family with 11 and 8 yo girls. Mom played everything off like they were all happy and perfect.
They treated the 11yo like a queen and constantly cut the 8yo down. Dad was sleeping in another room, and clearly couldn't stand the mom. She's play it off like he was just grumpy in the mornings.
I never understood why people think the nanny won't know. We know everything.
"One night they came home..."
Not so much as dark but really sad. I baby sat for a typical upper middle class family, dad worked mom was stay at home. The mother was always a little over protective like checking on their daughter the second they got home, but I didn't think much of it.
One night they came home and we talked a little. She mentioned how much she loved children and her daughter so I asked her if they ever thought about having another. She completely broke down and explained that she had multiple miscarriages before and after her daughter so they stopped trying. I felt really awful and really sad because it seems like she wanted another baby.
"You'd be surprised..."
I babysit 3-5 times a week.
You'd be surprised at how many adult 'bedroom' toys I see. A lot of them are just out in the open. Like they forgot to hide them. I overnighted once and the guest bed had bondage straps. Parents totally forgot about that.
That's not too surprising. But some of their kinks are.
"All of a sudden..."
I was babysitting once and the kids were wrestling in the living room. All of a sudden the smell of dank filled the room. I hear the kids stop and say "what is that?" One of them had knocked over a big tin can on a shelf and the parents weed stash spilled everywhere. I sent the kids away and cleaned it all up for them and put it back.
"One family..."
One family- I still dunno what was up with them. It's like they were squatting in a model home or something. It was a fully furnished house that looked to be straight out of Better Homes & Gardens magazine, but there was nothing in the drawers, fridge or cabinets. No toiletries in the bathroom except for toilet paper, no food or silverware in the kitchen, no clothes in the closets or in the kid's drawers and no toys! The lady just told me to order food for the kids & they watched tv. It was weird!
Foreigners Explain Which Parts Of American Culture Seem Strange | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
I baby sat a lot when I was 13-15. At the time I lived in a small town. I was a very popular baby sitter as I also worked at the daycare centre. Often I would have kids from two or three different families at once. I didn't care I got triple the pay for having three different groups of kids. I was recently told why I always had groups of kids like that. Turns out the small town had a swingers club and I was the go to baby sitter for their different groups.
"The mother was in her thirties..."
I nannied for this very rich family with three kids from the west coast who would come to south Florida for summer vacation every year. The mother was in her thirties, clearly had her kids when she was young, and was very stereotypically hot— blonde, thin, big boobs, perfect teeth. Her husband was a little older, salt and pepper, suuuuper handsome, very George Clooney-esque. Their kids were all blonde-haired, blue-eyed, cute as hell. They absolutely adored their parents.
Dad would help the kids and mom settle in at the house and then fly back to Cali for work. I babysat 3-5 times a week, 6:30pm-2am. Mom would get all dolled up, leave her wedding ring on the kitchen counter, and come home very late, clearly drunk, and sometimes brought men home with her that she introduced as her "friends." She would often overpay me, which I never complained about, but I worried for the kids.
"I was babysitting..."
I was babysitting for a local family who owned car dealerships. I answered the phone hello as one does and it was the father who didn't know his wife had hired a babysitter so she could go to an appointment. He started in with the stupidest sexy voice until he realized it wasn't wife, he hung up. Later he was caught cheating.
"Somewhat wholesome story..."
GiphySomewhat wholesome story: I used to babysit for the kids down the street when I was in high school. One night I went into the parents' bedroom to get something - I think a puzzle - and there was a book on the nightstand called "how to comfort your kids when you're thinking of divorce" or something like that. The next time I was over, there was a book downstairs (on the mom's desk) that was "the couples' therapists' guide to saving a failing relationship."
It made me sad because the parents seemed really happy together whenever I saw them. I felt bad that they must have been going through a hard time behind the scenes. My parents had a pretty unhappy marriage so I tried to be extra nice to the kids. I hoped they hadn't had to listen to their parents fighting.
Anyway, this went on for a few months with no further indications of trouble. I felt like I knew this awful secret that the kids didn't know. One night I came over to babysit—the mom was in grad school and she had a class—and the same books were sitting on the counter. As the mom was leaving, she was like, "oh, I can't forget the textbooks!" and grabbed them off the counter. I actually didn't know what she was studying, so I asked what class she had. Turns out she was studying to be a couples' and family therapist. The books I saw were her schoolbooks. In retrospect, that made complete sense because the titles were kind of academic, but I immediately assumed they were divorcing.
About a decade later, they are still married and the wife is a very successful couples and family therapist. Go figure.
Products That Customers Don't Realize Have A Really High Mark Up
Reddit user petrastales asked: 'What product unbeknownst to most people has the highest mark up?'
When I was in high school, my friends and I went to a pizza place after school nearly every day. In addition to a slice of pizza, we would each buy a soda. The place offered free refills (this was back when not all places did this), and we thought it was really cool. However, I used to wonder why they would do this. Wouldn't it be more profitable to them if they forced us to buy a second drink?
Four years later, I began working in a restaurant and learned that more often than not, the cups we gave out for soda cost more than the syrup that went in the drink. The restaurant offered us free food on days we worked, but we couldn't get drinks for free unless we brought our own cups.
This was shocking to me and put free refills into a whole new perspective. We could sell the soda for more than it cost to make, but no one would buy a soda if we tried to sell it for more than the cup cost. It would cost us less to allow customers to refill the same cup for free than it would be to give or even sell them another cup because it would cost the business a lot to replace each cup.
Soda cups aren't the only things that have a high mark up price, and they're not the only products people were surprised to find had a high mark up. Redditors know of lots of products that they were surprised to find out has a high mark up and are ready to share.
It all started when Redditor petrastales asked:
"What product unbeknownst to most people has the highest mark up?"
Equality Doesn't Exist
"Back in the early 2000’s I was managing a restaurant - garlic bread was selling for 3.95 and cost 0.07 to make. Not all food items are equal when it comes to margins!"
– leyland_gaunt
"I came here specifically to mention pizza. The profit margins on pizza are nuts, you have to suck at making it to not stay open."
– DreadedChalupacabra
"Yeah, it drives me nuts when you can request add-ons, but it's like $3 for a few pieces of camembert, or $2 for some chopped tomato, when it probably cost $5 for an entire 1kg bag of tomatoes."
– Writerhowell
How Cheesy
"Yeah and like 1.50 of that pizza was the cheese."
"Cheese is the most expensive part of a pizza assuming youre not doing some weird specialty stuff."
– Doomstik
"Can confirm. Worked at a pizza place. An incompetent employee was supposed to fluff a box of cheese but dropped it on the ground by accident. the owner was there. I swear I saw him shed a tear because that box was $120 of pure uncut shredded mozzarella and that was supposed to become like $1,000 in pizzas."
– PM_Sexy_Catgirls_Meo
That's Nuts!
"Yeah I worked at a place that did charcuterie, I apologized to the chef for munching out on the fancy olives all night. He said he didn't give a damn, as long as it kept my hands off the roasted cashews. Big jar of olives was like 15 bucks, the equivalent of cashews was like 200 bucks."
– hudson27
Bamboozled
"Reminds me of the never-ending pasta at Olive Garden. Pasta is dirt cheap and incredibly filling. The chances of you eating enough that it's actually a good deal for you is very slim."
– IBJON
"When I was working at a chain pizza restaurant, the storage manager wanted to get pasta on the menu, because of the profit margins. It's crazy because it cost us $2.10 to make a 17 inch pizza, and we sold them for $14."
– fukreddit73264
Not Worth It
"Flavored seltzers at a brewery. The beer costs 10x as much to make, but they charge almost the same at the tap."
– LocoCracka
"I have a buddy who made seltzers at a brewery in the Bay Area. Some malt liquor, very little flavoring, and a ton of soda water."
"Couldn’t make a cheaper adult beverage if you tried."
– Ikarus_Zer0
Ma, I Can't See!
"Glasses."
"Luxottica owns most major eye wear stores, costs them a few dollars to make and you pay hundreds for them."
– godnrop
"My cousin taught English in China after college in the early 2000s, apparently they had machines in malls where you could look into a pair of holes, do a vision test, get a prescription, and have a pair of glasses automatically ground for you in like 2 minutes for about $5, and the only reason we don't have that in the US is regulations."
"I travel to China frequently for work. I just take the USA prescription for family and friends and they have them made in about an hour or less. Family and friends give me an idea of frames they like and they pop the prescription lenses in. I pay about USD40 for the top-grade lens material that is antifog and anti-scratch."
– i3f8j
"I don’t really object to paying $50 for an eye exam, I object to paying $300 for a pair of frames. There’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to take the prescription the optometrist gives you, enter the numbers into the machine, and get the same $5 glasses."
– river4823
Message Received
"Back in the day, text messaging."
– alien109
"That's why I left T-Mobile in 2005. They were charging me for incoming texts but offered no way for me to block them. So basically, someone else had control of my bill."
– CGYOMH
"I remember being young, spending the $20 I worked so hard for so I could get minutes, only for a friend with unlimited minutes to spam me with a few texts and take it all away. What an upsetting time."
– Boopcheese
Ice Ice Baby
"Soft drinks in pubs. Especially the ones from “the tap”. Costs pennies and they charge £3 for a pint of it. Probably the biggest earner in a pub."
– lucky_1979
"Especially when they just cram a glass with ice and then lightly moisten it with the actual drink you ordered."
– jamesmowry
"My work just came out with a policy that we need to completely fill the glass with ice because it "keeps the drink colder for longer".. eyeroll."
– metalbridgebuilder
"The nuts and bolts section at your local big box hardware store is the highest markup isle. 500% or more. If you need more than a few bolts, go shopping at a proper hardware supplier."
– SatanLifeProTips
"Whenever I go through one of these aisles and look at the price for a single bolt or screw, I look at the overall assortment and think: There must be tens of thousands of dollars just for the shelf-price of fasteners I see right here in this aisle alone."
"The markup is crazy, but why do I want to buy a box of 100 screws if I only need two?"
– lemming_follower
Second To One
"The second-cheapest bottle of wine on the menu."
– slocki
"In order to not look cheap, many people will buy the 2nd cheapest item on the menu."
– AprilsMostAmazing
"Wine in restaurants in general. The markup on wine is wild. My boss used to get whatever was “on sale” from the distributor and usually pay $3-4 a bottle and sell it at $10 a glass."
– she_shoots
Pour Some Sugar On Me
"Candy floss / cotton candy. £4.99 for legitimately 10p worth of sugar."
– Tylervdub
"I used to work food service at an amusement park for a summer job."
"A manager told us that the cost of making a bag of cotton candy, including ingredients, labor, etc., was 19 cents...we sold it for $3."
– etm105
Look, Don't Drive
"Those button batteries in store."
"They know you need one asap cause your car won’t unlock so you are stuck."
"Wait 1 day and you can get a dozen from Amazon for same price."
– kindrudekid
Medical Supplies
"As a Diabetic I'm pretty sure it's Insulin."
– PraiseThePun81
"Can’t believe I had to scroll so far to find this."
"I spend over $13k annually on ‘good’ insurance that doesn’t cover half of the things I need as a diabetic. I spend half that again on the insulin and supplies. It’s a racket."
– Nosce_Temet
H2O
"Water."
– ganic-Lie4759
"Bottled water is so highly marked up as to qualify as a scam."
"At no extra cost aside from the bottle (I don’t have a water meter) my water is completely free. It tastes as good or better than bottled."
– 6033624
I didn't know about any of this!
I can hear my wallet crying.
Teachers are meant to impart knowledge to the next generation, but they have to get the kids to pay attention first.
Not an easy task.
So many, too many schools are plagued by kids who have no self-control.
Teachers end up playing referee, counselor, and parent in addition to their teaching role.
All of those additional hats don't come with any additional pay.
It's no wonder we're in a teacher shortage.
Redditor _Planet_Mars_ wanted the teachers out there to share some rough student stories, so they asked:
"Teachers, what is the worst thing you've seen a student do?"
I once saw a kid drive their car into the school office.
They were drunk.
Thankfully no one was injured.
POP!
"The was a loud pop and a flash in the back corner of the classroom. I asked the student sitting there what happened. She said it was firecrackers. I sent her to the office. While she was still in the office, I realized the electrical outlets in the room didn’t work. At that point, another student fessed up that the student sent to the office had put a pair of scissors in the outlet. I’m not sure why that student thought it was better to lie and claim she was doing fireworks inside the school?"
mynamelessname
Pain
"When I was teaching preschool, I had a little girl, between 3-4, walk up to another girl who was sitting on the rug reading a book, grab her by the hair and slam her head into the wall. They hadn’t been interacting in any way prior. When I asked her why she did it, she said she 'wanted her to know it hurts.'"
No-Doubt-8748
That Kid
"A different type of bad than most of these."
"I was a teacher at a poor inner-city school. I had a lot of wonderful students but some difficult ones. One was the worst — bright but was always sleeping through class and acting up and never doing homework. I lived about 30 minutes away. One night, I stopped by the local Wawa after a night out with friends. Was at least 11:30 pm and I was already dreading the early morning drive to school. And who should be checking me out but my own 'problem' student."
"He was working late to make money for his family and then getting home at 1:00 am or later before heading into school on 4-5 hours of sleep. He was a smart kid. Really smart. I hope things worked out for him but I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if he’d been allowed to have a childhood and focus on his education."
Low_Cartographer2944
Blame the Heat
Sweating James Mcavoy GIFGiphy"It gets very hot here in the warmer months and so the school put out those big containers for water for everyone. Well, one student was caught peeing into a bag and dumping it into the containers."
huzzahserrah
Some kids really need some deeper therapy.
Peeing in bags? Seriously?!
From Beneath
"My wife is an elementary teacher and has a kid this year that likes to slip under their desk and lick toes (we live in a warm state) and they all think he will grow up to be a creeper."
CherryManhattan
BOOM
"This was the worst thing I know of that happened at my high school."
"Someone brought a blasting cap to school (OK, that's a bit dumb), and flushed it down the toilet (that's REALLY dumb). Then told a teacher about it, because maybe it wasn't such a good idea (their best idea that day, really)."
"Wound up with that restroom being taken out of service while the fire department x-rayed the plumbing to find and remove the (admittedly tiny) explosive. Took several weeks before it was back in service."
gogstars
Sad
"My favorite teacher in high school was a very kind a lenient man. Do your work, be respectful, and follow the major school rules and you and him would be cool. The one thing that would seem minor, but that he was very strict about was taking any medication in any way shape, or form in his classroom."
"One day, I needed to take some Advil for cramps and asked to take it. He said I needed to go to the nurse for permission. I ended up asking him why he was so strict about it. it turns out, he had a student pass out in class one day at his former school. He tried to wake her up and called the nurse, but she wouldn't wake up. They called 911 and by the time they got there, she had died of an OD on narcotics she took in the bathroom that she had hidden in a Tylenol bottle. I don't know how he went back to teaching after that."
musical-nerd24601
Painful
Moving Season 2 GIF by Paramount+Giphy"Saw a 4-year-old purposely push a piece of furniture over onto another 4-year-old at preschool. It actually really hurt the other kid, and her parents took the school to court."
MPD1987
Kids are brutal.
No wonder people home school.
Homeowners Break Down The Weirdest Things The Previous Owners Left Behind
Buying a home is a daunting task, but it comes with the comfort of finally having a place to call your own after the lengthy process of purchasing.
One of the things new homeowners look forward to is renovating certain areas of their newly acquired domicile.
However, embarking on this next phase of making a home their own can come with some surprises.
For example, doing a gut reno in the basement or tearing down a non-load-bearing wall can unearth unusual relics left from the previous homeowner.
These discoveries can either be treasures, or something very unpleasant.
Curious to hear from new homeonwers, Redditor Oblivious_Dude14 asked:
"People who bought a house. What is the weirdest thing you have found left by the previous owner?"
These will spark curiosity about former occupants.
Hidden Message
"First time I took a hot shower in our new home. The steam covered the mirror, only to reveal the phrase 'HELLO, I SEE YOU' in large finger drawn writing."
"It freaked me out for a second, but made me laugh soon after that."
"It was such an inconspicuous yet obvious thing to leave for the new homeowner (me)."
– Individual-Common-89
A Special Request
"It's not really weird but I think it's kind of a nice story."
"One of the kids' rooms has a shelf going all around the top edge, and when my kid was putting stuff up there they found a letter from the previous kid. The letter welcomed them to the room etc and asked them to take special care of a rose bush in the front yard that was their special rose bush. My kid thought it was really cool to have that connection with the previous kid."
– catsaway9
Instructions
"Not really weird but they left a typed out and printed note about the house and how to take care of it. Detailing all the plant life in the backyard and how to prep for the winter. Described how to take care of the hot tub and gave random tid bits about the electrical."
"They were good people lol."
– pet_zulrah
Theses secret chambers piqued Redditors' curiosity.
Secret Dwelling
"Not my house, but the school my friend worked at."
"A pipe had leaked and ruined a wall in the building, one of the oldest schools in the city. It was a beautiful property. Anyways the pipe leaked so they pulled down the ruined wall and behind the wall found a door."
"A fully furnished apartment was there. Had a coal burning stove to heat it. Early 1900s appliances and decor. It was for the caretaker of the school."
– Used-Stress
Antique Showroom
"My ex-wife's family knocked down a wall in a 400-year-old house in Cornwall, and found a perfectly intact bedroom from the 1800s, still with all the personal effects where they had been left."
"Nobody knows why it was boarded up, or why things weren't taken out of it."
"Oh, and that house always appears in the guides for the most haunted locations in Cornwall, if you believe that kind of stuff."
– ledow
A Medieval Theme
"A basement room that was fully decked out as a 'dungeon.' Faux stone walls, a stocks (like where you lock your head and hands in ala ye olde England), candle scones on the walls, a metal-barred cage in the corner from floor to ceiling. Oh and the closet had a load of toys, some normal, some....not so typical."
– DisIsDaeWae
These Redditors got a glimpse into past lives.
Family Treasure
"Before I met her, my wife got a call from someone she worked with saying they'd just bought an old house and in the city, and in it was a steamer trunk with her family name (not a common one) carved into the woodwork on one end."
"As it turns out, it was the trunk that her great grandfather used when he came over from Germany, and it made the trip to my wife's hometown when he met her great grandmother on a visit, and subsequently moved to her city to marry her. We now have it and it's full of family portraits and albums."
– LateralThinkerer
Vintage Trickster
"My first house purchase in 2005 - bought an old farmhouse that was built in 1923. The basement was FILLED with crap - we told them they needed to clean it all out before closing, but they didn't do it. The realtor asked if we wanted to postpone closing, and we decided no - some of the stuff looked interesting enough. Maybe it will be worthwhile to go through."
"Most of it was just junk. Then, about half way through (we were working our way from one end of the basement to the other, because you could barely walk through), I went to pick up what I thought was a small box, only to quickly realize it weighed at least 75 pounds. Upon further inspection, it wasn't a box, but a wooden square, 4' wide and about 12'x12', with two thin masonite plywood covers on each side. On one edge were two bolts with wires coming off that had been cut."
"Very strange - had no idea what it was, but thought it was interesting. So I put it aside and we kept going. At the very back of the basement once we cleared everything else out, was a rickety gray cabinet, built into the house. Inside, were numerous strange small tools, vials of mercury, vials of a strange powder, and thousands - literally thousands - of dice blanks. Some actual dice, but mostly blanks without the dots. they were all in little boxes labeled 'dice blanks'. Also very strange..."
"Not too long after that, I met a guy and upon learning my address, he said 'can I come over?My best friend grew up in that house'. He came by, and proceeded to tell me stories for an hour and a half about his childhood best friends eccentric father: Someone who was a part of the 'Dixieland Mafia' in the 60s and 70s, and who made a living traveling around the US as a traveling gambler. The enormously heavy box was an electro-magnet. And the dice blanks were for him to make his own loaded dice with a little bit of metal powder under the inlaid dot, so he could set up his own table with the the electromagnet underneath, and turn it on when he wanted to persuade the dice. He told me many other stories, including that there was 'no doubt in his mind that he had killed someone'. Pretty fascinating."
– GIjokinaround
A Soldier's Story
"A diary of an American soldier in WW-II, South Pacific Theater. Found it above a door when remodeling 20+ years ago. My wife and I tried everything we could think of to find a descendant, but to no avail."
"UPDATE: I just posted photos of it with the person's ID info on r/WorldWar2."
"Last Update: Thanks to all the help from this community, and those at r/worldwar2, this diary is now in the hands of its writer's son who came to my office this morning to retrieve it. I am so thrilled to have been able to facilitate this!"
– Factsaretheonlytruth
These folks really hit the jackpot.
Forgotten Stash
"$1200 in cash above the door on the inside the closet. I found it while painting."
– whymetoo
They Don't Make 'Em Like They Used To
"A glass bowl. It was kind of pretty, with horizontal blue stripes."
"We kept fruit in it. We thought about dropping it off at the local charity shop, but never got around to it."
"Then one day I was at an antique fair and I saw for sale glass bowls that looked almost identical to ours. I went home to get my bowl and brought it to be assessed."
"Turns out it was a vintage Orrefors crystal bowl. The assessor valued it at around $800."
"We no longer keep fruit in it."
– khendron
When my great aunt passed away, our family went over to her and her husband's home in Pomona, CA to clear it out in preparation to sell.
They emigrated from Japan in the late 1930s and brought with them many decorative figurines, sculptures, and wooden carvings from the homeland.
One of the pieces was a kabuki doll on a wooden base. As we were placing the item in a box, a tiny envelope that had been taped underneath the doll's base came loose.
I opened it and found what looked like instructions for something. I kick myself to this day that I didn't keep the letter and never bothered asking my parents what the note said as we were frantically trying to empty the house.
But man, my imagination ran wild. Was it a treasure map? Who knows. I still wonder to this day what the note said and tossing it aside remains one of my life's greatest regrets.
The Best Real-Life Examples Of 'You Can Have A PhD And Still Be An Idiot'
The saying "it's not brain surgery" hasn't meant the same thing to me ever since Ben Carson took his place on the national stage.
The saying "it's not rocket science" doesn't hit the same with me ever since one of my life-long friends became a rocket scientist.
I don't know Ben Carson—just his many public blunders—but in the case of my friend, he's an absolutely brilliant guy.
However I often wonder how my friend managed to survive this long and apparently this isn't an unusual phenomenon.
But more about my friend later at the end of this article.
Reddit user mariababexoxo asked:
"'Never confuse education with intelligence; you can have a PhD and still be an idiot,' stated Richard Feynman. What are some real-life examples of this?"
Chemical Engineer
"I had an intern with a PhD once. She was trying to be a chemical process engineer. VERY book smart."
"I spent the Summer teaching her how to use basic tools like screwdrivers and wrenches for simple tasks like opening containers and adjusting clamps. She had zero practical skills and couldn’t figure anything whatsoever out on her own."
"She’d get lost in a building and call me and I’d tell her to find the exit, but she’d get lost inside and we’d have to go in and get her. This routinely happened, and she would just find somewhere random and sit until we collected her."
"When her car’s GPS lost signal once she didn’t know what to do so she stopped in the middle of the road and texted me where she was and that there was something wrong with her car and to come help. I figured there was a breakdown or something based on the text and drove out to check on it because she wasn’t responding."
Giphy"She was crying sitting on the side of the road and a cop was yelling at her to move her car which was still in the lane."
"If you told her to pick something up from a store she’d ask where it was and if you didn’t know, she would never find it "She refused to ask an employee because she knew they weren’t as smart as she was."
"She’d just walk in random directions looking for things. For example if you said 'go to Walmart and find some work boots because you lost yours' she would send me pictures of random aisles in Walmart with 'is this close? which way from here?'.”
"Book smart but utterly dim."
~ captainofpizza
It's The Milk That Makes Them Healthy
"My wife once had a roommate who was working on her PhD."
"At one point she went on an Oreo diet because they're vegan."
"She was later surprised to find her health wasn't improving."
~ educational_palmeira
GiphySquirrel!
"I am a graduate student at the University of Oxford."
"I recently had to explain to another grad student the concept of animals hibernating. She's British and English is her first language, so it wasn't a vocabulary issue. She just didn't know that animals did that."
"When I explained it she said 'Oh! like squirrels!' Squirrels actually don't hibernate, but I just nodded."
~ slider501
Have You Tried Turning It Off...
"Ask literally anyone who's ever worked for a university's IT department. I've never met a group of people more unwilling to learn anything new—outside of their small specialization—than university professors."
"These people would rather argue with you for 10 minutes that 'I did restart my computer' than just spend the 2 minutes to restart the computer when the logistics software is showing the machine with a 45 day uptime and all of us can see that sh*t."
"Department heads do this."
~ Mammoth_Clue_5871
GiphyIt's One Banana, Michael
"My roommate in college was/is an academic genius, 35 ACT in med school right now."
"I brought him to Walmart with me because he wanted to buy an 8-pack of Gatorade. At the self checkout he scanned one, saw the price was 7 bucks, and decided that must have been the price for EACH Gatorade."
"He ended up scanning the pack 7 more times and paid 56 bucks for some Gatorade, all while thinking that was a fair price."
~ Royal-Character-2035
And Vampirism!
"The nurse I used to work with during the pandemic was constantly bragging about how rich and important and highly educated she was.
"Only for her to suggest to our director of nursing that the kitchen start putting extra garlic in everyone's meals because garlic cures COVID."
~ GlassPeepo
GiphyHistory ≠ Geography
"I know someone with a PhD in History who went to the Caribbean with only long trousers and jumpers/sweaters to wear."
"He was so hot he had to cut his jeans down to shorts."
"Then, as part of the same trip, he went to Washington DC, and had to wear jean shorts the whole time because he cut up all his trousers."
~ RexEverything_
And On The 7th Day...
"I met a PhD molecular biologist who was an evolution denier. I found out years later that he was somewhat infamous."
~ whittlingcanbefatal
"I’ve met two PhD students who worked on bacterial evolution and one who worked in biochemistry."
"All three believed that human evolution was not a thing, all three were religious."
~ D-g-tal-s_purpurea
GiphyNobel Disease
"There are a ton of laureates that go conspiratorial batsh*t later in life."
~ hacktheself
"Kary Mullis is the worst one and he really emboldens other conspiracy theorists."
"He won the Nobel prize for helping invent the PCR test... then he denied AIDS existed while in a government position leading to 330,000 deaths and said climate change wasn't real because his astrologer told him so."
"Oh, and ghosts."
"Anti-vaxxers love him."
~ AstonVanilla
Members Around The World
"Heard about a mechanical engineer who is a flat earther."
"So yeah, him, or any engineer, physicist, or astronomer that believes in that."
"The fact that a single one can get their degree and then turn around years later and believe in something fundamentally incompatible with the BASIC physics required to make sense of their degree is baffling."
~ QuanticWizard
GiphyWhat Did They Do With The Couch?
"Helped some mates move house. One was a Uni Student doing a double degree in Computer Science and something else very challenging."
"While we were packing boxes he asked if he could could borrow a saw. When I asked why, it was so he could shorten the legs on the dining table so it would fit out the door."
"The look on his face when I grabbed one of the legs and started unscrewing it was priceless. As was the look when I asked him how he thought they got it in the room in the first place."
~ cruiserman_80
New-Fangled Gadgets
"In my old university in Germany in the early 2000s. The university was old, really old."
"And when I started they just began modernising the lecture halls etc... The German department got a new, fancy, state of the art lecture hall with any kind of technology you could wish for."
"The professors got extensive training on how to use it."
"There were some of them who after three months still didn’t know how to switch on the lights. Don’t even talk about the microphone or how to open and close the blinds on the skylight."
They didn’t originally plan on having an old-fashioned overhead projector there, but after a few weeks they relented and provided one because the professors didn’t know any other way."
"In their defence, the other lecture halls were so old that they still had the hole for the ink well in the tables."
~ moosmutzel81
GiphyDo No Harm
"I work in mental health and have known sooo many healthcare professionals with advanced degrees who I wouldn’t trust to take care of a goldfish and can’t believe counsel people on a regular basis."
~ DeadSharkEyes
What's That Burning Smell?
"My MIT PhD. friend complained his dryer was taking forever to dry his clothes."
"I asked him if he was cleaning the lint trap—'it doesn't have one'."
"Spoiler alert: it did have one, way in the back and I took out a sweater's worth of lint."
~ arbiterror
GiphyIt's Not Rocket Science...
I chuckle whenever someone uses this saying to indicate something isn't complex like rocket science ever since my friend became an aeronautical engineer.
Why?
Well, we'd have to go back to the mid-1980s when we were both teenagers in high school. As many teens with cars in rural America did, my friends liked to drive around on the back roads as a form of entertainment.
One sunny, Summer day two of my friends came to visit me with a tale to tell.
It seems they were driving on a stretch of road with a speed limit of 35mph [56kph] because of a cluster of homes and farms. When the car slowed to this speed, Mr. Future Rocket Scientist looked down at the pavement passing by below his window on the passenger side.
Upon studying the passing blacktop for several moments, he came to the conclusion he could easily run as fast as the car was moving, so...
...he undid his seatbelt, opened the car door and STEPPED OUT of the moving car.
According to the driver, one moment our friend was sitting next to him and the next he was gone. Or mostly gone.
After a brief moment of panic during which he slowed then stopped the car, he noticed Mr. Future Rocket Scientist's right hand gripping the door's armrest and his left hand gripping the side of the passenger seat.
He was probably only dragged for a few seconds which wasn't long enough to do more than scuff up his jeans, jean jacket and the toes of his shoes.
He escaped with only minor road rash and a few bruises.
After the driver told me what happened from his perspective, Mr. Future Rocket Scientist interjected:
"It worked!"
"I was doing really well until I tripped over that rock."
Luckily an understanding of things like velocity, speed, trajectory, friction, drag, inertia and gravity aren't needed for aeronautics.
GiphyNeedless to say, we've never let him forget his "experiment."
He still claims the only problem was that rock on the road.
And I now use the saying "it's not rocket surgery" instead of either of the original sayings.