Awkward People Share The Most Cringeworthy Things They've Ever Done In Public[rebelmouse-image 18345132 is_animated_gif=
We can't all be James Bond level smooth. Most of us aren't even cobblestone road level smooth, let's be honest. Oh, you thought you were the only one? Nope.
One reddit user asked:
The answers are helping us feel better about ourselves. Here are some of our favorites.
1. "I Just Accepted My Watermelony Fate"[rebelmouse-image 18346241 is_animated_gif=
One time I saw watermelons at the store in a big box labeled "19 cents." I (stupidly) thought this meant the watermelons were 19 cents each. I put eight in my cart.
Imagine my surprise, then, when the cashier rang up my watermelons for thirty-some odd dollars. Baffled, I just stared at him and realized it was nineteen cents PER POUND.
I was too awkward and embarrassed to tell the cashier I misunderstood or changed my mind, so I just accepted my watermelony fate. I ate watermelon for breakfast and lunch and dinner. I made watermelon margaritas and watermelon sorbet. There isn't a watermelon recipe on Pinterest I didn't consider.
It was halfway through the watermelon fiasco, after complaining about the stupid watermelon for days, that I realized that even if they HAD been only nineteen cents ... I still bought too many goddamn watermelons
2. Printing Blank Paper[rebelmouse-image 18346242 is_animated_gif=
I needed one sheet of blank printer paper from the computer lab at my college. There were maybe 5 other students in there when I walked in and I was afraid that pulling open the paper drawer on the printer would be super loud and disruptive so I logged on to a computer and printed out 5 blank pieces of paper instead.
3. Not Staring...[rebelmouse-image 18346243 is_animated_gif=
One time in middle school I was standing in a line in this little building where the school sold concessions at lunch. There was another line right next to me (to my right) and in that line there were two girls talking with each other, just slightly ahead of me. One of the girls had some writing on her shirt on the chest and I was bored and trying to read it.
I overhear the other girl tell her "That little kid over there is staring at your boob." So instead of just being normal, and saying "Oh no, I'm just trying to read your shirt." I instead start staring at the wall past her, like staring into the distance is just a normal thing I do. I let people walk around me in the line because I'm so committed to my new staring gimmick.
What an idiot I was....
4. Emotionally Taxi-ing Situation[rebelmouse-image 18346244 is_animated_gif=
Once I was in a taxi and I think the driver must have misheard my address. I noticed he was going the wrong way, but I didn't say anything because I was too awkward.
Finally he drops me off about half an hour from my house. And I'm all like "that's perfect, thanks mate". Paid with a tip, got out, walked around for a bit, waited for him to go, then called another taxi to get me home.
5. Oh So Cringey[rebelmouse-image 18346245 is_animated_gif=
I hugged a job interviewer when I was 16. The interview had concluded and she opened the door and stretched out her arm towards me to indicate I was free to go. For some reason I saw it as an invitation to hug and we had the most awkward one-armed hug/back pat ever.
6. Money Problems[rebelmouse-image 18346246 is_animated_gif=
When I was in high school, I had a huge crush on a girl who worked at the drive thru of my bank. I would go to a different branch, withdraw some cash and then deposit it at her branch's drive thru in hopes she was working. It wasn't until much later that I realized she could more than likely see I had made a withdrawal for the exact amount I was depositing just minutes before.
7. Biiiiiicycle[rebelmouse-image 18346247 is_animated_gif=
I rode my bike to college one time and had no bike lock. So I tied it up with an extra show string I had hoping any passerby would see it was "locked" without investigating too closely. As I'm leaving class I see a couple students standing by my bike taking pictures of my lock job and laughing. I sat like 50 yards away in shame waiting for them to leave before I retrieved my bike and left.
8. New Tweezers[rebelmouse-image 18346248 is_animated_gif=
I bought tweezers to groom my eyebrows (I'm a man). When my female friend saw them in the bag in my back seat, she asked whos they were and I was too embarrassed to say they were mine so I said "I don't know, somebody must've left them," and she took them for herself and I had to buy new ones.
9. Horrific Handshakes[rebelmouse-image 18346250 is_animated_gif=
I was really anxious for one of my first adult meetings that I was doing so I looked up the person I was meeting with and when they came in to shake my hand I introduced myself as them.
They thankfully laughed it off and just said, "no, that's my name". I cringe every time I think about it.
10. "Drive Safe"[rebelmouse-image 18346251 is_animated_gif=
I ran into a past coworker at a bus depot, had nothing really to talk about and it got awkward fast. A bus came and the guy said this is me, it was the one I was waiting for too but I didn't get on cause what the hell would happen if I did. Made it worse as he got on I said drive safe.
11. Coming Out Of The Closet, Literally[rebelmouse-image 18346252 is_animated_gif=
My work friend and I were working on a sort of secret project in a big closet that's behind a conference room. We were almost finished when people started filing into the room, so we quietly closed the door and continued working, figuring it would be a quick meeting. Five minutes pass, ten minutes pass, and oops! Now we're in too deep and can't leave without it being awkward. We were in there for nearly an hour before my friend finally gives up and opens the door to the room. We profusely apologize to our coworkers for interrupting as they sit there stunned. Of course instead of just being people we knew who we could laugh it off with, there were a couple of people visiting from one of our international offices and some of our international vendors. They probably think it's standard for the US branch to stuff younger employees in a closet now.
12. Starbursts[rebelmouse-image 18346253 is_animated_gif=
Last weekend I was eating starbursts and a lady approached me so naturally, I put a wrapped starburst in my mouth.
13. Run, Forrest, Run[rebelmouse-image 18346254 is_animated_gif=
Back in primary school I had a crush on a girl, her younger brother was kind of a friend, so I'd hang out at their place every once in a while.
Thinking it would be weird to ask if I could hang out, I'd go for a run past their place and hope they'd notice me and invite me in.
It worked, but most times I had to turn back and run past at least 4 times before they'd invite me in.
14. High Five[rebelmouse-image 18346255 is_animated_gif=
I was at a club once, the DJ was taking requests to make a request you had to fill out a slip of paper and give it to him. Anyways I do this walk over and hand it to him and he was like
"Alright man nice" and held out his hand.
For some reason I though, oh he wants to hold hands and held his hand for like 10 seconds (fingers interlaced even) and just looked at each other the whole time. Then It hit me that he wanted a high five and I got super embarrassed.
15. Not Korean[rebelmouse-image 18346256 is_animated_gif=
Spent an entire Thanksgiving weekend pretending I understood Korean, because I felt too awkward to correct my friend's Korean mom who assumed I was Korean too.
16. Calm Down, Spiderman[rebelmouse-image 18346257 is_animated_gif=
Accidentally locked myself on the roof of my office's parking garage ... it was my first week there and I didn't know the doors closed behind you and locked, I'd left my access badge on my desk.
Rather than call for help and be "that guy", I ... climbed down the side of the parking garage.
17. Pennies From Heaven[rebelmouse-image 18346258 is_animated_gif=
I saw somebody open a roll of pennies before by smacking it on the drawer. I had never opened one before and I had two customers watching me as I smashed pennies all over the place. Now I just tear it open instead of trying to be cool.
18. Watching Paint Dry[rebelmouse-image 18346260 is_animated_gif=
I got a random bout of social anxiety once while having to go in to a Home Depot to pick up my dad's order of tile and was just so unwilling and afraid to actually talk to an associate that I called my dad and took the phone up to the employee at the counter while I just awkwardly stood away from them and looked at paint.
19. Bathroom Hopping[rebelmouse-image 18346262 is_animated_gif=
Sometimes when I'm alone in a strange place and don't know whether I should go sit somewhere by myself or join a group of strangers, I visit a bathroom, sit in the stall for a while, go outside, visit another bathroom and repeat until a friend shows up or class begins.
Now that I think of it, it is hilariously awkward.
20. "You Were Great Last Night"[rebelmouse-image 18346263 is_animated_gif=
When I was a freshman in college, I saw a production of some Shakespeare play, and developed an instant crush on the lead actor. I saw him at lunch the day after the play, and my friends urged awkward, shy, 17-year-old me to approach him and say how much I enjoyed his performance in the show. I'm not sure if they really thought this very attractive senior was going to have any interest in me, but apparently I got talked into it, because I marched over to his table and he and all his friends fell silent as I approached.
I stood there trying to think of what to say, now that I was actually there. I opened my mouth and said, "Very nice!" (I was a teenaged girl, but I said it like Borat, unfortunately). He had no idea what I was talking about, and didn't say anything, so I tried again.
"You were great last night!" I said.
As soon as the words left my mouth, his friends lost their shit and started whistling and laughing. I was mortified, and slunk back to my table awkwardly. I swear I still cringe about this, almost 30 years later.
Turns out not all of us are interested in being benevolent Gods.
It's Reddit, so we're not exactly surprised, but we're suddenly glad divine cosmic powers don't work this way.
Reddit user Purple_Pineapple_752 asked:
"If God gave you his powers for 1 hour, What would you do?"
So here's the thing, Reddit has no chill.
So every random whim, thought, or chip on people's shoulders certainly came out in the comments.
And honestly... it's delicious.
Some Redesigns Needed
"Redesign human knee and shoulder joints. Because, seriously, I've got some bug reports that have been ignored."
"You’ve got my vote! As a nearly 30yr old with chronic arthritis, I’d say thank you!"
"Yup. Tore my ACL the other month in college football and am now a 'house potato' according to my dad."
"Both of my shoulders are reconstructed. My hips are finished as well an I'm in my 30s ."
"I think the human body needs to be made of better quality parts at this point lol"
"Elected politicians, and candidates for office can no longer lie."
"Intentionally or unintentionally, every thing they express will be truth. If they try to lie, it will come out truth."
"This is not meant to be wholly benevolent."
"No half truths. No vagaries. The plain and objective truth, or silence. Those are their options."
"And it applies to all elected politicians, officially government sponsored ones (MPs) or otherwise, like say the elected spokesman of the IRA."
"Let the games begin."
"This is actually terrifying."
"Imagine you are elected. You want to know the nuclear launch codes? No worries, just try to state the first character in the sequence."
"You cannot lie. So what you say will come out as correct. Now just have someone write it down."
"Want the password to the white house twitter account? No worries, just get someone to vote you into some form of office. Could be you and joe-no-body, it doesn't matter."
"Privacy would end overnight."
"No no no, you want them to not be able to tell intentional lies. Then at least it's limited to things they know. And just for good measure, give every elected official a strong sense of questioning their own knowledge."
"I feel like this power will end up being a monkeys paw. You try to do good but it has an equal/opposite reaction..."
"You make it so politicians can't lie, and the followers just accept it and still vote them into power."
"Make it so people have critical thinking and aren't easily misled by conspiracies and propaganda, then I dunno, maybe we find out we needed conspiracies in our life and we now no longer question anything.. Idk.."
"You remove corruption and it has some unforeseen knock on impact where now South American or African countries become super powers and a new cold war erupts with new players."
"Yeh monkeys paw... Beware of this power..."
"Create various images on toast and have fun watching believers react to them."
"But technically... they would be right because it was you as God!! You!!"
"I’ve often wondered how many people eat their Jesus toast without ever bothering to check."
"Extending the thought, how many people actually do check their toast only to think to themselves, 'Hey! It’s Keanu Reeves!' ”
Can We Vote For This Person?
"1st of all, I would make it so that everyone napping always wakes up refreshed. All naps now last 23 minutes but feel like 4 hours of perfect sleep."
"Nothing is addictive."
"All men are given perfect recall about everything their wives have said or done."
"All women obtain positive body images."
"People who are cool never have their shoe laces come undone. A-holes have their laces break every Friday."
"Dogs stay small puppies for 3 extra months and come out potty trained."
"Turtles can play trumpet."
"America switches to metric with no fuss."
"The internet makes sense to everyone over 70....but they chose to avoid social media anyway."
"Corn syrup goes away."
"All religions announce simultaneously that God is kinda... but not exactly gay."
"Every swastika owned drawn or tattooed is slowly burned away over a week. It hurts really bad and is replaced by a picture of a teddy bear blowing a very startled looking Nick Cage."
"You had me at trumpet turtles and taco trees."
"I also choose this god."
Assuming I'm Still Interested
"Assuming I’m still really interested in Earth, get us back to zero or a good starting point."
"Remove all trash and pollution everywhere. It just ceases to exist."
"Complete all municipal separated storm sewer projects instantly."
"Instantly create storm water gardens wherever necessary. Instantly eliminate lawn culture and convert to lawn alternatives to eliminate run off."
"Instantly convert all power generation to safe thorium nuclear and renewable. Instantly convert all sea shipping to clean nuclear."
"Instantly convert all cars to electric. Create charging stations at every residence."
"Instantly convert all heavy construction equipment to a safer fuel (I don’t know what yet). Instantly put solar panels on every structure/house. Instantly create bike lanes everywhere. Instantly create bike culture of the Netherlands everywhere."
"Upgrade everywhere to high speed rail systems similar to Japan. Switch all roads to permeable pavement."
"Instantly perform major upgrades on every structure, road and bridge everywhere. Have all work go to new construction and maintenance."
"Instantly install field drains and timer stadium lights in all playing fields."
"Instantly process all rape kits in all police stations."
"Instantly repair all playgrounds and park features everywhere."
"Automatically register everyone to vote. Create 10 new states out of Texas and California. Instantly pass political reform."
"Legalize all drugs. Instantly create more treatment centers."
"Instantly cure all ailments that are in recovery in hospital and would cure naturally. Instantly move those patients back home."
"Instantly kill all patients who would die naturally. Instantly inform all families."
"Instantly remove all graveyards and eliminate practice of saving dead. Create new ritual of donation to science or turn into tree."
"Instantly create depression cure. Instantly create obesity cure. Instantly create formula to grow/repair existing teeth."
"Instantly change taxation rate to post WW2 for businesses. Instantly change view of all workers to pro-union."
"Instantly identify and eliminate all political corruption. Have everyone just realize all this exists."
"Eliminate all religious belief everywhere. Instantly create belief in helping neighbors, being a good person, and creating a heaven on earth."
"Eliminate all mosquitoes. Bring back bees."
"Is time up? Was that an hour?"
One Solution To The Fossil Fuel Issue
"Having given it some thought:"
"Easy parthenogenesis for all humans, regardless of their biological sex and mental identity."
"And the natural ability to self terminate pregnancies. And self. That would wipe out a whole bunch of angst and repression in the world."
"The ability to fly, as someone else suggested, at fairly rapid speeds. This would vastly change society, no more cars, planes, elevators, stairs, possibly no more country borders, it would be nearly impossible to enforce. The demand for oil would plummet and the environment would be healthier."
"Extra longevity, with senescence happening only a few years before death."
Genderqueer Garlic Bread
"Make an easily accessed and super powerful source of electrical energy that's renewable and environmentally friendly, it's also easily accessed (this could just be 100% efficient solar gen, or a generator that somehow turns heat back into useable energy? I dunno I'll be god, I could figure it out)."
"Cure All Diseases"
"Humanity now has the ability to magically transform themselves freely to look however they choose, provided it's still anthropomorphic."
"I'm genderqueer; this would make it so all the non-cis people wouldn't need expensive drugs and surgery, or suffering, although I guess we'd be dealing with a few furries but y'know that's fine with me."
"Reverse earth's environmental damage back to pre-industrial while maintaining all the infrastructure changes."
"Finally, all major US and Canadian highways are underground and infinitely maintainable, AND there's also Bullet Trains that run underground with them along the WHOLE interstate/400 Series and Extension/Trans-Can that way I NEVER HAVE TO DRIVE AN HOUR TO WORK AGAIN."
"AND all Cities with populations over 10K have more-than-adequate 100% free public transit that's also so efficient the busses/trains/trolleys/whatever are never late."
"OH one more thing: Since everyone is gonna be sexy because of the Shapeshifting, everyone is either pansexual, or ace, and the people that are ace aren't seen as weird and are completely respected in their orientation. And we all have an innate sense both to locate each other and to locate garlic bread."
"I would set a timer for 10 years and then everyone dies and the earth explodes. I would make everyone aware of the timer."
"I think that would eliminate a lot of bullshit around the world like war and hate, and would make for a really good last time alive until we all die together."
"Am I a weirdo?"
"Curse everyone whose name was listed in the Pandora Papers to spontaneously explode somewhere in public and just let the media chips fall where they will."
"Create a sky-dwelling jellyfish that eats carbon fumes and whose tentacles contain a chemical that makes you feel total euphoria for 8 hours straight."
"See how long it takes humans to turn them into a carbon-sucking, drug-producing sky farm animal."
"I am 100% on board for carbon-Hoover-jelly-sky-fish-farms."
"Because Who Wouldn't?"
"I'd get rid of all mental impairment diseases and conditions. Alzheimers, Dementia, the severe mental impairment that some kids are born with (Not sure what the various conditions are called)."
"I would make humans and other animals immune to cancer. I would extend healthy human lifespans by another 50 years, and dogs and cats can also live as long as humans."
"I would then give humans the ability to research and cure other diseases and ailment so that mankind could eventually have treatments for such things as they come along. I say this because I only get an hour and things will appear in the future that can't be predicted (even with God's power)."
"And lastly, I'd of course, give my self a bigger dick, because who wouldn't?"
Oh you didn't honestly think we were going to get through an article about god-like powers and NOT have someone use it for penises... did you?
Come on now.
You're not THAT new on the internet.
You know how people are around here.
What would YOU use your god-like powers for now that you've read some of Reddits ideas? Let us know in the comments.
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Are you like me and the 1990s were only 10 years ago?
Yes, I can do the math, but 1990 being 32 years ago still seems unreal.
Why is that?
Maybe it's the fact it marked the end of the 20th century and beginning of the 21st.
Either way, it just doesn't seem that long ago and the nostalgia for the trappings of the 1990s is strong.
Redditor PrimaryYam9432 asked:
"What is something outdated from the 90s you want back?"
"I lived in a one bedroom apartment in San Diego in the nineties to the tune of $400 a month. I'd like that back, please."
"I looked up the specific place I lived. That one bedroom runs $1,650 now."
Cheesy Video Games
"Westwood Studio's real time strategy games featuring cheesy live action videos between the levels. I'm fine without the dial-up multiplayer though."
Subscribe, Subscribe, Subscribe
"Software that you buy one time and own. Looking at you Adobe."
"Being able to own things without having to take out a subscriptions."
"This is exactly what I was going to say. Being able to buy something and be done. Now everything has a subscription attached to it."
"Software is one of the worst examples but even the auto industry is trying to get in on the subscription money by requiring additional monthly plans to access features of your car that you already paid for."
"A local HVAC company is attaching a subscription to their work. So you pay them to install it all and then a monthly fee for them to be on-call in the event it needs maintenance."
"At work our IT support company stopped doing ad hoc service calls unless you subscribe to their monthly service plan. So the company is paying triple the price and getting basically the same thing except in theory the amount of service call they can request is 'unlimited'."
Your Local Video Store
"I miss going to video stores and browsing."
"I do too. That was a fun Friday night as a kid. Going to Blockbuster to pick out a new movie to watch."
"It's not the same getting on Netflix and spending an hour looking for something to watch to only wind up watching something you've already seen."
"Yep! As a kid my dad would come home from work on Friday evening and take us to Hollywood video."
"We’d pick out a movie and get a pizza on the way home. Good times."
"Reasonable commercial lengths."
"Now ESPN has 5 minute commercial breaks..."
"My least favorite trend is a commercial break, then they come back for 1-2 minutes with some tiny snippet of 'coming up next!' then go to another commercial break."
"Or they smash the credits into a tiny window, while running ads on full screen. Can't even read the credits if you wanted to."
"Not having to make an account for EVERYF'KINGTHING!"
"And lately every time I sign up for something, they send me texts now too in addition to emails that I don’t want. Leave me alone!!"
"I'm so over this. Especially when you're supposed to make a different password for every account you have. My brain only has so much memory for passwords anymore."
"This is probably more late 90s/early 00s than the 90s as a whole, but a social media-less internet."
"It felt like an escape from real life, as opposed to an extension of it."
"Remember when they told us to never identify yourself on the internet? And now they put their whole life on it."
"I miss web 1.0 where anonymity was the point."
"Remember when our parents told us not to trust anyone on the internet, but now believe everything they see online and lecture us about it?"
"My mom when I was 16 and got my first PC: 'Don't put your pictures online!'"
"My mom now: 'Send me grandson pics nowww! Need new profile pic and header!!'"
"Geocities web pages, made with heart, not for money."
"I do miss Geocities. It was sh*t, but atleast anyone could have a web site for free hosted on a server that was relatively fast and reliable."
"Nowadays, good luck to find a good free web hosting..."
"Oh my god, my bff would purposely go to my crappy Geocities site and sign the guestbook as ridiculously over the top characters like 'Madame Consuela de Soliz-Camacho-Dubois St Bernard,' and she'd write their comments in Spanish, German, French, whatever she felt like that day."
"It was so stupid but for idiot teenagers back in the 90's, it was the height of hilarity that she could prank me without being in the same room. Good times."
Why Is This Phone Smart?
"Not being able to be reached 24/7."
"Remember when the only people who had cell phones or pagers were doctors and high end business professionals that NEEDED to be reached at a moments notice."
"Now, everyone is expected to be available at any time. And if you elect to stand your ground and establish a separation between work/personal life you're considered 'rude' or 'difficult to communicate with'."
"Yeah, remember when you let the house phone ring during dinner?
"I remember my dad grumbling if the phone ever rang: 'It's dinner time, nobody should be calling now. Who calls during dinner?!'"
"You didn't call people's house after about 8pm either unless you knew it was okay. It was rude—that was private, home time."
Buttons & Knobs & Dials
"Technology with buttons and knobs."
"Agreed! Some things I just don’t want a touch screen for."
"I hate touchscreens in cars because 1) you just know they'll wear out and be expensive to replace and 2) I can't use it by feel and have to take my eyes off the road to adjust anything."
"Agreed! Why does my Microwave need to have touchscreen? I don't want to touch the panel with my fat butter and chips fingers. I want use the back of my hand."
"All my touchscreen appliances start to fizzle and fail pretty quickly. All the analog or mechanical ones still work from decades ago, or I can at least open them and clean some contacts."
Nostalgia is a funny thing—we tend to romanticize our past.
If we truly went back, we'd probably discover all the things we'd miss from our future.
But we still miss a lot from the 1990s.
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You're probably going to be beat over the head with this as you read this charming article but bedbugs are a nightmare and they are always lurking (in the back of my mind) when I think about purchasing some items secondhand.
Some years ago, a relative brought in a stuffed animal and some other items off the street. Within days we had a bedbug issue.
It was thankfully resolved very quickly–good thing it was caught so early–but let's just say I dealt with phantom itch for a while.
Nooo thank you.
People told us all about their own reservations after Redditor princesspeaches8 asked the online community:
"What's something you'd never buy secondhand?"
"Most people don't realize..."
"Motorcycle helmets. Most people don’t realize that helmets expire and lose effectiveness even after relatively small impacts."
Best not to tempt fate and get a new one for sure.
People cut corners and then pay the price with their life.
"...unless it was from someone I knew for certain..."
"Climbing gear, unless it was from someone I knew for certain is an experienced climber and cared for their gear per manufacturer recommendations. Even then, I'd prefer to buy new."
The last thing I would want if I were a climber would be to realize that I am using faulty equipment!
"You want bedbugs?"
"A mattress. You want bedbugs? That's how you get bedbugs."
Bedbugs terrify me.
No thank you.
"Since nobody else has said it..."
"A car seat. Since nobody else has said it, I will. Secondhand car seats are so dangerous. You have no idea if they have been in an accident, after which they are supposed to be replaced no matter how minor."
All it takes is one accident.
Don't risk it.
"I got into a whole argument..."
"Tires. I got into a whole argument about it with my automotive teacher in school, and everyone laughed at me and called me spoiled, but I just don’t feel that it’s worth taking a gamble on people's safety with used tires."
I believe this depends on the tread, though.
"Jigsaw puzzles. Bought a 1,000 piece puzzle for £3, spent a few hours making it only to find 6 pieces were missing."
I'd be so upset after spending all that time!
"Three things I would never dream..."
"A toothbrush. Toilet paper. A condom. Three things I would never dream about buying second hand."
People buy used condoms?
What is going on with the world?
"It happened when I was 10..."
"Shoes. It happened when I was 10. My mom bought me a pair of boots from The Salvation Army that I just had to have. Athlete’s foot. HORRIBLE. It took powder, not spray, to get rid of it."
I am also very hesitant to purchase used shoes (and won't) and I understand that this is a privileged opinion.
"There's no warranty..."
"Crucial car parts. Like used tires, brake pads, brake rotors, rack-and-pinions etc. There’s no warranty from the back-alley Craigslist dude and if those parts have defects you won’t be able to stop or steer. Which leads to you quickly performing the room-temperature challenge."
You see, I don't drive, but if I did, this would definitely be something I wouldn't do.
No way I'd purchase crucial car parts from some rando!
"I was very open to it before..."
"Most second hand things now. Especially furniture and clothing which can't be checked thoroughly. I was very open to it before. But bed bugs really terrify me now. All it takes is one to start an infestation, and they hide in things like the labels and behind boots and screws. The eggs are about the size of dandruff."
As mentioned before... bedbugs are terrifying.
I don't think I can stress that enough.
Sometimes saving a few dollars can cost you a lot.
Why risk it?
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What feels better than sexual pleasure?
I mean, the answer is, "nothing," right?
What's a feeling better than an orgasm?
A physical feeling can feel just as good as an orgasm, even when it's not sexual.
Nothing like a cool drink after a hot day, is there?
A Different Kind Of "Release." Hey-oh!
"That moment near the the end of being sick where your nose suddenly clears out after being stuffy for days and you can breathe perfectly again."
"See also: Pulling a huge booger out of your nose and realizing that your breathing has been restricted for days."
Flowery Language Aside, Drink Your Water People
"Got lost out in the wilderness a few years back, drinking fresh clean water for the first time in days was something out of this world. It’s like being on the brink of death and the suddenly life fills your body again. It happens so quick as well, from deaths door to fully recovered in minutes"
"I felt like sh-t the other day and realized around 5pm I hadn’t had any water all day. I downed 32oz in a couple minutes and instantly recovered. I felt like I drank the piss of Jesus himself"
The Pain Is Gone When The Pillow Comes
"When sleep finally comes and sweetly releases you from a blinding, vomit inducing migrane."
While we think of human interaction being better than an orgasm as only limited to the sexual experience, our social interactions might go beyond the sensation an orgasm gives without any contact whatsoever.
What's The Opposite Of Gossip?
"When you overhear people talking positively about you."
"I’ve experienced this. I used to work with a gay colleague and he used to tell me all the terrible things that his religious Christian mother had said/done to him. He was a close friend of mine and he didn’t realise that I was also a religious Christian until he noticed my cross necklace (I don’t talk about my religion much)."
"I overheard him talking to another colleague once and he said 'yeah.. but there are still some great Christians out there, like [me]!”."
"Seriously made my day"
All In On The Joke
"Laughing so hard your face hurts. It’s like an orgasm for your heart and soul."
"that feeling when the joke is long gone and you're only laughing because your friend is laughing and they are only laughing because you are laughing and it won't stop"
Getting Those Feelings Back
"When someone you have a crush on has a crush on you."
And then there's these.
Yes, these ones make lots of sense.
Happy Medicine Time
"I think about "better" in terms of a huge increase in pleasure, and I can only think of one thing that has ever happened to me that was equal or better."
"Around ten years ago, I had a kidney stone, and it hurt like hell. The nurse hooked up the IV and gave me morphine, which did quite literally nothing at all to help. They didn't seem to believe that at first—I'm sure drug-seeking at the ER is a thing—but eventually, it became pretty clear that I was still in agony."
"She hit the IV with toradol. Y'all, this was the first time I'd ever experienced an IV or any strong painkiller, and I went from the worst pain of my life to complete comfort, warmth, and relaxation in seconds. I can still remember the relief."
Your Great Hunt Is Over
"When you close all the tabs from a very long assignment you just submitted"
Is This The Truly The Best Answer?
"Everyone keeps asking this and the best answer by far is always 'farting away a stomachache'."
"Waking up expecting your alarm to ring any second, then realizing it’s the middle of the night and you’ve got like 3 or 4 more hours to sleep…"
"... and you're able to fall back asleep."
"There, I fixed it for you."
Sleep when you can, drink water when you can and suddenly the entire day can feel like one big orgasm.
This has been an odd one.
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