Autopsy Doctors Reveal The Strangest Causes Of Death They've Ever Seen[rebelmouse-image 18346198 is_animated_gif=
*I don't want to see dead people. Ever! Imagine if it was your career? And not only seeing them but having to dive into their bodies and figure out everything them went awry? Those are moments for vodka for sure. Autopsies and cadaver evaluation is mostly routine. But sometimes... not. *
Redditor _\d4nk3std4nk3r _**wondered **People who do autopsies, what's the strangest cause of death you've found out? Just when you think you've heard and seen it all... you learn you should be grateful for your own day job.
At Med school we have to spend a season in a pathology department and we were responsible of autopsies. One day I received a body of a woman who died by multiple shots (and that is the worst nightmare of an autopsy, because it's needed to measure and report every damn hole). Anyway, a classmate received a boy about 12 or 13 years old, still in his school uniform. We were all shocked to see the boy's body: no blood, no weird lesions, nothing. Anyway, we all started to work on our own cases and let our classmate to resolve the boy's cause of death. About 8 hours later, an exhausted me stopped by my partner place to see how was he going, and he was dumbfounded. He finished the autopsy and did not have a clue of what killed an otherwise healthy kid. It was a complete mystery. So I decided to read the police report. In summary the boy was involved in a school fight, all the kids screaming, other kid hit him on the face, he had a rush of blood to the head, yelled the other kid, suddenly stopped and fell dead. It was a chilling story. Anyway, it was late so I went home and left my classmate to solve the mystery. Next morning in the changing room I asked my classmate if they solved the case. They did, with the help of an experienced pathologist. Finally they found a congenital defect in his cervical bones that fused together some of them. Anyway, when the other boy hit him, the fused bones moved in an irregular way cutting his medulla and effectively separating his brain from his body. It terrified me: the boy who hit him actually killed him with the punch, but it wasn't his fault. The boy could have died in any other way that moved his head forcefully, even riding a car. Bad luck, I guess.
NO GUNS WITH DRINKS...[rebelmouse-image 18346199 is_animated_gif=
A man is found dead in hotel room. Coroner says it's a heart attack. Then said guy was beat up. Then realizes a fired bullet entered guy's scrotum & went thru heart. Drunk guys in next room over were playing with a gun. They eventually were caught.
WELL... NOT THE WORST WAY TO GO...[rebelmouse-image 18346200 is_animated_gif=
My mom used to run as an EMT and was called to an unattended death at a camp. The guy had fallen from the lofted bed and died from that. The odd thing was that he didn't have pants on and there were erotic mags surrounding him. Dude died while masturbating. I'm hoping no one told his wife that.
HOW DARING... SAD END...[rebelmouse-image 18346201 is_animated_gif=
A friend of mine processes death claims at a large insurance company. He has had two separate cases from people who worked for the same company, where they died from erotic asphyxiation.
The first one hung himself with the garage door opener. Daughter found him when she got home from school. Classic disturbing case.
Second one, just a couple weeks ago- guy hangs himself in his doorway off of a pull up bar. He had his Webcam on, and there was a blowup doll on his bed. Doll had a bag over its head. Gloves on its hands.
But my friend said that his boss and their higher ups all know about it, and it was hard for them to keep their composure while discussing the payout and logistics of the claim. I couldn't even imagine.
CHECK FOR A PULSE FIRST![rebelmouse-image 18346202 is_animated_gif=
I did an autopsy on a 25 year old male involved in a car accident. He was fine, it was the autopsy that killed him.
THAT BURNS...[rebelmouse-image 18977475 is_animated_gif=
I did a forensic pathology rotation in medical school in Florida. Was working there one day when they brought an old guy in who had been found in his apartment in the middle of the summer with no air conditioning after about a week (So he had decomposed pretty quickly). When bodies decompose the bacteria inside you eats the tissue and releases gas, so bodies tend to be bloated. So when they unzipped the body bag I wasn't surprised to see that. But I was surprised to see that his scrotum was about the size of a football (No exaggeration). This apparently occurred via the same bacteria process. Anyways, I was being keen, and I think they liked me, so they took a large bore needle and stuck it into the scrotum to let the gas escape. Then, they took a lighter and lit the end of the needle, so as the gas was escaping from the scrotum, it burned like a blowtorch. Lasted for about 20 seconds. They justified the process by saying it _"decreases the smell in the lab." _Talk about seeing things that very few other humans have. The scrotum blow-torch.
WHEN 2 BECOME 1...[rebelmouse-image 18977476 is_animated_gif=
Maybe not so relevant, but when they made a full body x-ray of my grandma's identical twin sister, not only did it turn out all her organs were mirrored (her heart was on the right side etc) but she also had 4 kidneys... woman was 60+ at the time and they never knew before.
SKIP LUNCH....[rebelmouse-image 18977478 is_animated_gif=
My friend is a pathologist. She said she threw up once after seeing a semi-liquid brain. Dude turned over his car into a lake in remote nowhere, it got pulled out, they opened his skull and a putty/liquid like mixture. I don't think anyone can blame her for vomiting.
YOU CAN'T CONTAIN IT ALL SOMETIMES.[rebelmouse-image 18977479 is_animated_gif=
A friend of mine picks up the bodies. She told me this story about how there was this older 400 lbs woman who passed away in her house. It was winter time and she didn't have many friends or family so her body remained undiscovered for 2 weeks. She passed away on a couch which was directly over a heater. When they went to move her, she split right in half long ways....
CAN'T YOU JUST SERVE AN EVICTION?[rebelmouse-image 18977480 is_animated_gif=
Current pathology fellow, board certified (not in forensics though). Participated in ~80 autopsies.
Weirdest/scariest case: housefire, one body recovered after 1+ hour of burning. Body completely char-broiled, rigid, limbs curled up against the torso. We xrayed the chest, abdomen, and head to see if there is anything of interest before dissection. Metal fragments in the chest. Hmm. Do the autopsy. The internal organs are largely intact despite the significant heat damage to the skin and soft tissue (this is not unexpected, I learn). There is a large (>1L) hematoma in the chest. There is about a 2cm jagged opening in the posterior wall of the right ventricle and in the anterior left lateral wall of the right ventricle. Metal fragments embedded in the left lung. Tracing backwards from the heart, a path is found through the posterior thorax with an possible entrance wound in the upper back. Yikes, he was shot? Detectives arrive to morgue. Say they've got the homeowner/roommate in custody. They're interrogating him right now. He owns a gun. He's been having frequent noisy arguments with the dead guy/tenant that have been observed by neighbors and reported to the police. He was away from home when the fire was happening, claims no knowledge of any of this, has no idea what happened to either his house or the dead guy. Detectives high-five each other when we tell them he's been shot and it's definitely homicide. We find out later after they fully interrogate the homeowner, he confesses to shooting the roommate in the back while he is sleeping and then torching his own house to try to hide the evidence (!) The roommate was actually his tenant and he wouldn't move out, so he killed him (!!!) Scary stuff.
SO MANY PEOPLE NEED OUR HELP...[rebelmouse-image 18360516 is_animated_gif=
I shadowed a medical examiner several times but the weirdest thing I ever saw still kind of haunts me. There was a woman that died suddenly and had all these bruises on her body. There were detectives and cops all around us because they thought it was a case of domestic violence. However, she was schizophrenic and was not on any meds. During one of her episodes, she would beat herself violently and self-inflict all of these bruises and wounds on her. But the way she died was crazy.
She beat herself so much that these bruises developed huge blood clots and broke off into the blood stream. They eventually ended up in her lungs (pulmonary embolism). We opened up her lungs and they were just full of blood clots. Her legs were full of them too.
She basically beat herself so much that she suffocated. It was so odd.
LONG TIME NO SEE...[rebelmouse-image 18346768 is_animated_gif=
My grandmother had a friend who was attending medical school at the University of Pennsylvania. She and her fellow classmates were scheduled for cadaver class where donated bodies were used. My grandmother's friend and her partner were assigned a body at the end of the rather large class room. When removing the sheet from their assigned cadaver she discovered that this was her aunt who had died two weeks previous. Yikes.
PLUG IT UP![rebelmouse-image 18977481 is_animated_gif=
A very large butt plug still inside of the man. He died while having sex.
YOU HAVE TO BE MADE OF STEEL...[rebelmouse-image 18977482 is_animated_gif=
I'm probably way too late to the game but... I interned at our county coroner's office for a summer for college credit. Saw several dozen autopsies. The first and most haunting one was of a child who had set some things on fire in his grandmother's trailer and then hidden under the bed to keep from getting in trouble. The pathologist had to verify whether he had died of the resulting fire or if he had died of smoke inhalation. He was curled into basically the fetal position kind of hugging his knees. The waistband of his jeans and the tops of his socks had semi-protected his legs so you could see some severely burned skin there but it was the only humanesqe looking part of him. As soon as the first incision was made revealing the body cavety the coroner stated 'carbon monoxide' and exited the room while the pathologist continued. Apparently when you inhale large amounts of carbon monoxide your blood and organs turn this crazy cherry pink color. The body's position with the knees to chest is another indication. He was unconscious and died before any flames ever came in contact with his body. The smell was insane. It looked so incredibly fake that if the actual body were to be used as a hollywood prop no one would have found it to be believable. Most interesting and horrifying summer of my life.
WHY IS LIFE HARD?[rebelmouse-image 18977483 is_animated_gif=
One of my bestfriends is an autopsy tech at a hospital that allows her to actually cut into the person. One day she was called in for an autopsy on an older woman. She said that when she walked into the room, the other techs asked her if the woman looked strange to her. My friend responded that she looked a bit too thin but nothing else seemed off. The other techs told her to roll the older woman over to see something. When she did, the woman's back was completely gone as well as a bunch of organs. Turns out the old lady had died in a chair and slumped over when she passed. She had a couple dogs and after a few days the dogs got a bit hungry and ate out her back and some organs.
DID YOU HEAR THAT?[rebelmouse-image 18356969 is_animated_gif=
Had a gig at a hospital one where the guards had to help move bodies from the hospital rooms to the hospital morgue.
One night me and a nurse are lifting the body of an obese woman who had already been placed in a bag to a gurney for transport. As we lifted the body up, it moaned. We dropped her back on the bed, got the bag unzipped, and checked for a pulse- nothing. The lifting action had expelled air from her lungs, through her vocal cords.
The nurse told me, " Sometimes that happens."
OH GOOD LORD![rebelmouse-image 18345240 is_animated_gif=
Eh. To be honest when you're in that field not much shocks you. I guess what gave me a chuckle was one guy who had a quarter stuck in his trachea. It wasn't what killed him, it was just... hangin' out. When I left that company I was tempted to take it with me.
Honestly, what's most shocking to me is sometimes how much fat covers some people's hearts or how huge some peoples can grow to be. Also, how small some people's brains are. Oh, and the sheer spikiness of some of the kidney stones I've seen. We found one that was the exact size and shape of those stupid spikey balls that fall off of some trees.
SO NOT HOT!![rebelmouse-image 18977484 is_animated_gif=
I do autopsies.
Strangest - Several giant egg shaped fecaliths with multiple large clots inside the wall of the bowel completely obstructing the already hugely dilated lumen.
Worst smell - 10 day post mortem large bowel that was inflated like a balloon and filled with rather unpleasant orange goop.
Worst thing - 3 year old Munchausen by proxy victim.
Most interesting - I cut up and examine brains every Thursday. Brains are awesome.
Favorite related story - On a date with a girl and said "I like to listen to Slayer and cut up dead people."
First impressions can be misleading.
It's not uncommon to meet someone who might come off as cold or standoffish, who turns out to be genuinely kind and innately likable.
Or, on the flip side, meeting someone with an effortlessly charming public demeanor, who might be a little less charming behind closed doors.
But every now and then, there are clues from the moment you meet or first encounter someone which gives a clear idea of their personality.
For better or worse.
Redditor 123backflip was curious to see what signs people saw as immediate evidence that some people might not be the most friendly, by asking:
"What’s something subtle people do that lets you know automatically they’re an a**hole?"
Watch where you're going!!
"Switch lanes without looking."- yamsnavas2.
But you're such an easy target.
"Criticize you and laugh like it’s common practice or just part of the conversation."- oneandahalfeggs123Ha Ha Lol GIF by Pierce The VeilGiphy
People just love me!
"Repeatedly telling everyone that you're 'such a good person'."
"If you have to constantly say that about yourself then you might not be that much of a good person."
"Kinda like the 'I'm a nice guy' situation."
"I had a team leader who would say that about herself."
"She's the reason everyone quit the team ,including myself."- grumpycoffeee.
"I'm right, you're wrong."
"Wildly overestimating their knowledge/competence, while also underestimating the competence of actual experts."
"'Everyone that works with ___ are so dumb, they should just do [this] and [this] but they only care about ___'"- chshcat.know it all boomerang GIFGiphy
"You're kind of in my way."
"Stand in the way of aisles, doorways, etc., then actually act offended that you dare say 'excuse me' when you need to get through."
"I get people sometimes loose track of where they are and don't mean to accidentally block access ways."
"But most people actually are embarrassed they did it and legitimately apologize and immediately get out of the way."
"Jerks however feel entitled to block the way and think you're the one imposing on them for asking them to move."- llcucf80.
"Cause you're there for me too..."
"They remember you are their friend only when they need you or need something from you."- SuvenPan.
"Not apologizing when they found out they were clearly wrong."
"Destroying your property because they are entitled."- kitchen_clinton.
Ugh, can you believe him?
"When I meet someone who spends more than half their time complaining about other people they know."- ofsquire.
I couldn't find a trash can.
"Litter."- Ahole_Judge.earth litter GIF by Lil DickyGiphy
"The impatient finger snapping that some people do to get someone's attention such as in a classroom or when asking for the check at a restaurant, etc."
"It's just degrading to snap at someone like that and instantly puts a bad taste in my mouth."- Sixhaunt·
It's always a good idea to try to really get to know someone, and not resort to pre-judgement.
But sometimes, one single action can simply say it all.
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We're always told to "respect our elders." In truth, many of our elders are wonderful and understanding people. Others are definitely not.
Many young people are very frustrated by older generations. Technology has taken its toll. The job market does not resemble anything that it used to be. The realities of the climate crisis continue to compound. Geopolitical events are raising tensions. Global inequality is at an all-time high.
Given all this, how can young people be expected to bridge the gap between their philosophies and those of people much older than them? People shared their frustrations with us after Redditor baker109123 asked the online community,
"Younger people are Reddit, what are you tired of hearing from older generations?"
"As a 29-year-old..."
"As a 29 year old, tired of older people telling me I’ll understand joint pain, tiredness when I’m older. I’m disabled and chronically ill. I have had bad joints since birth. Like it’s great that all your health problems are a result of your age but mine have been around and will worsen because of that."
It's true. Some of the older people don't understand that those younger are just as capable of being in the same (or worse) chronic pain then them.
"My mom and I got into a fight over housing affordability. " Your father (55)and I (53) worked very hard to afford this house (175k) and you make more than we did at the time we bought (1992)."
"The house now is worth about 1.5m, my mom didn't work and my dad made 100k/year. I make 150k and houses in my price range are 600k 1hr+ away from where i want to be and less than half size with less than half the lot."
Your parents bought their house at the best possible time. The income to house price ratio hadn't been that low for like a century and now is exponentially worse.
"I have more life experience than you…” then proceeds to go on an emotionally stunted rant based on their own personal bias due to trauma they refuse to process because “they know best.”
Oh, don't remind me. How many times have I heard that one?
"I am 44 but I still feel like I am young. I am tired of hearing pretty much everything my generation says. I don't understand when everybody else just suddenly morphed into their parents."
I am younger than that and am still wondering when some of the people around me morphed. Did this happen overnight and I just happened to miss it?
"Literally any and all job advice."
"Literally any and all job advice. Sorry, Deborah, but you've worked the same unionized position for 30+ years. The number of valuable insights you can give me about the modern labor landscape numbers somewhere between diddly and squat."
Been there. This is so frustrating. The job market is nothing like it was before!
"I'm a restaurant worker..."
"They're so judgemental and rude. I'm a restaurant worker and I swear young people are way more polite and easy going while older people have zero patience (even though they're the ones who are already retired), oftentimes make racist, sexist, homophobic and bodyshaming comments and still act like they're above the younger generation simply because they've been alive for longer."
The respect they demand after such behavior is wild as well.
"I'm tired of people complaining about how younger people are terrible as though they weren't the ones that raised those younger people to be what they are."
Ah, logic! A rarity in this world, it seems.
"Then promptly ask us..."
"How we can't fix anything ourselves. Then promptly ask us to fix their WiFi, set up their new phone and figure out why their computer is running slow. We can do plenty, we just have a different skill set!"
This is an excellent point. Everyone brings different skills to the table. Why is this so hard to understand?
"I hate how we've gone..."
"I hate how we've gone from me getting facebook as a teenager and my parents being like "DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU SEE ON THE INTERNET" to them sending me "medical research" from unverified/unreputable sources."
And then they get very angry once they're fact checked. Who'd have thought?
"Buddy, I've been working..."
"Pull yourself up by your boot straps and work harder."
"Buddy, I’ve been working 60+ hours a week and prices keep going up and my pay is not and I actually cannot afford to change jobs, change my living situation, buy a more fuel efficient car, or go to college. There actually is no out."
"There is no work harder and I’ll make it. I’m literally in the poverty trap. I’m slowly making my way out of it but it’s going to be a long time unless some other opportunity magically appears. College isn’t the price of a McDouble anymore old man."
Ain't this the truth. Sadly, many people are in this people and far too few people understand that.
It's very clear that there is an enormous generational divide. The difference between those who grew up with the internet and those who did not is massive. We could all strive to have a little more empathy.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Growing up, my parents insisted that I take my brother with me everywhere I go. The idea was that he, as a boy, would offer some form of protection.
The reality was that all he did was make my life miserable and create dangerous situations.
Now, this isn't his fault. This is 100% on our family, their built-in patriarchal B.S. (sorry latin people, you know I'm right - we have so far left to go) and their refusal to believe in medicine.
My brother was younger than me (by 5 years, that's a good chunk during childhood) and smaller than me, but because he was a boy he was automatically granted more freedom.
He could go out alone with his friends, I could not. He could date, I could not. He could do things outside of school and church, like martial arts classes. I was only allowed school activities or church activities.
What made the whole thing worse, though, was that his younger age and diagnosed but untreated ADHD meant that not only was he not "protecting" me when they would force him to come as my chaperone - he was creating problems.
He was only about 10, his ADHD meant he had poor impulse control and would climb facades on buildings, or rocks, or trees, or the sides of movie theaters. I would often have to grab him before he darted out into traffic, etc. I basically didn't go out or have a social life until college because of my parents rules and obsession with church (six days a week is incredibly unhealthy.)
And no, it didn't keep me out of trouble. It just made me a better liar who felt no remorse for the lies.
When your over-reactions and "Christification" of everything remove honesty as a possibility for anything, you make lying the only form of communication possible.
Reddit user AlePiga asked:
"People who grew up with strict parents, what’s the dumbest rule you had to live with?"
Strict rules clearly didn't work out well for these people:
"Rotating curfew types so none of them were overused."
"Today is the homework curfew, no going out until its all done AND checked (extra time wasted) Oh, no homework today? well dinner is at 4pm and you cant go out after dinner."
"..And today is the darkness curfew, which is around 4pm, not sunset or actual darkness, just when sunset is kinda starting. Worse during winter months."
"..And today is mom's workout class, you have to stay late at school or get taken along, and no you cant be dropped at home even if its on the way."
"NO you cant go out if you take the bus and get home alone, you have to stay there because nobody else is home yet. Whats that, no homework? well I've suddenly decided you need to read more, you are staying in."
"Yeah Mom was a super control freak for no reason."
"We couldn't drink soda out of the can in public because only 'common people' did that."
"I never understood it as a kid. I'm still not 100% sure why my Mum had this rule."
"As an adult I thought it's perhaps to do with people drinking alcohol outside. I asked her as an adult and her response was 'Well it is common looking' so I still don't know, honestly!"
"At cookouts and parties we have a small town rural District judge who absolutely refuses drinks in cups in public, and only allows himself and his family to drink from cans."
"He said it was about the implication of holding a cup, where the substance inside could be construed as an alcoholic drink."
"Such fun to have them around."
-Euphoric_SplinterLittle Rascals Reaction GIFGiphy
Seeing Other People
"I couldn't see the same person multiple times in a row."
"I had to hang out with a different friend before I could see the same friend again. I still have 0 idea what the logic there was, it was the rule for ANY friend I saw consistently."
"Concerned about you dating maybe? Or just being a control freak."
"Honestly they did this with any gender of friend so I'm leaning towards the control option"
"My phone had to be downstairs and plugged in in our kitchen, my parents had to know my password, and could read or open my phone at any time."
"I used to stay after school for an extra 15-20 minutes before headed home. In many cases since I’d 'Already gotten to see my friends' I wouldn’t be able to hang out when they went to movies, a friends house, etc."
"When I got a girlfriend, suddenly I wasn’t to be trusted with anything."
"I had to go straight home and could no longer stay at friends houses overnight. I was 18 and had my own car."
"I also got my phone taken away for several weeks after some of my friends sent 'inappropriate' memes in a group chat. I had no part in it, which my parents knew since they read everything, but I still got punished."
"When I was 19, and living in dorms, I finally turned off tracking on my phone so my parents couldn’t track my location."
"Not because I was doing anything bad, just because my mother had texted me the night before after I went to pick friends up from a club, and she demanded to know why I was there. I just couldn't handle being tracked any more."
"The next day, while I was at work, my parents drove to my work location and confiscated my car for removing tracking."
Doorway To Drama
"You can't close your door, if you do we remove it."
"In my house, it wasn’t allowed to be closed for sleeping, it was only allowed to be closed if your parent was in the room with you and wanted it closed."
"You want the door closed to change your clothes? Better do it in the bathroom and don’t take too long or the door will be opened. And behave or you might lose your bathroom door privileges."
-scarfknitterTrap Door Doors GIFGiphy
"When my dad got remarried I was 17 and had to move, my stepmother had the stupidest rules."
"Everyone had to sit in the same chair at the table, even if not during dinner time. She'd throw a tantrum if someone sat in a different chair."
"No hanging out with friends on the weekends"
"She would, and I kid you not, turn off the WiFi for the entire day if even one person decided not to go to church."
"We weren't allowed to walk through a bathroom - it was the best way to get to a part of the house. You had to walk around multiple rooms if you didn't just cross through that bathroom. I wish I was joking when I say she guarded that bathroom one night."
"Everyone has to go to bed at the exact same time (9:00PM) because the youngest 'wouldn't be able to sleep if other people were awake' - the youngest was 11 at the time."
"Not being allowed to study certain subjects because of my gender."
"My parents really never accepted the fact that I study criminology. They still blabber about how I should be studying tourism management since it’s more 'feminine'."
"My mom never had the chance to finish tourism college because of having me so she wants me to achieve her dream of becoming a flight attendant."
"She was a lousy mother and wants me to become what she wanted, but I have my own dreams to pursue. I can't live my life like it's a do-over of hers."
-louskeypushing air travel GIFGiphy
Jesus And Breadsticks
"When I was 17 I went on a date with a 16 year old girl who was new to my school. She had moved there from Northwest Arkansas. Her parents were really strict."
"When I showed up to our date I was told that we'll be traveling in her parent's car. I had to sit in the front with her dad and she sat in the back with her mom. They talked to me about Jesus the entire ride to the Olive Garden."
"She left a hand written note in my locker on Monday apologizing. No, we didn't end up together."
"Still worth it cause of the endless breadsticks."
Wrestling With Hypocrisy
"No watching wrestling, because it will make you g*y."
"I've put a bike lock on the fridge. no midnight snacks for anyone."
"Read one book everyday. If you cannot, you'll write sentences."
"I'm annoyed at the world. Get off the video games and go outside."
"No metal or classic rock because the Devil will influence you."
"No Trading Cards Because the Devil created it."
"No UFC because it's too violent."
"Basically, my dad made the rules and they were outright pathetic as I reflect back on it. That was only because he was an a**hole, and everything he did was hypocritical."
"He told us never to smoke pot, but a few years later we walk in and see him completely stoned, eating smarties and watching Jackass."
"Good thing I was considered a rebel in his eyes because I would've hated being a tool like him."
"I wasn't allowed to see most of the TV series kids watch because they were 'violent', 'distracting' or 'a bad influence'. Basically, when my friends talk about their childhood series or TV shows the only thing I say is 'sounds interesting'."
"All my friends' jaws drop when I say I never saw an episode of Phineas and Ferb or, like, Invader Zim. Those Cartoon Network or Disney Channel shows, I was just never allowed to watch them."
"I'm an adult now and it's at that point where I can't really go back to watch them just because I'm not really the 'target audience' and I don't have nostalgia, so they just seem so... childish and I hate that I can't enjoy them as hard as I try."
-NebulaDragon416phineas and ferb GIFGiphy
Strict rules typically come from a place of love (and fear) - we get that. But maybe try counseling instead of ... this?
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I cannot be trusted with chocolate marshmallow cookies.
I don't even like marshmallows, but something happens in my brain when I bite into it and I no longer have an ability to say no. It doesn't even matter what brand - could be Mallomars, or pinwheels, or whatever your local store brand is.
Doesn't matter, just put it in the freezer and walk away. It's best you forget about it, because you'll never see the box again.
Reddit user ts_13_ asked:
"What’s a food you can’t buy because you will literally eat the entire thing in one sitting?"
Never. See. The. Cookies. Again.
But I don't feel bad about it, cause I'm absolutely not the only one out here with self control issues. Here are Reddit's snack confessions.
Serving SizeTortilla Chips GIF by Salsarita's Fresh Mexican GrillGiphy
"The larger size bags are a better value, but I almost always get a small bag. Why? Self-preservation."
"Regardless of how big the bag is, for me the serving size for chips is one bag."
"Same, can’t open a bag of chips/chip-like things (Doritos, Cheetos, etc.) without it being gone and me being full of shame."
"Crunchy, salty, and savory is a deadly combo for me."
"The routine is eat half the bag, lie to myself and save the other half for another day…an hour later eat the rest of the bag."
"Fresh warm French bread that just came out of the bakery"
"Dude fresh bread straight out the oven is literally heaven. I will eat an entire loaf, I’ve done it before and I'll do it again."
"I bought a breadmaker at the beginning of the pandemic and man it is dangerous."
"The loaves aren't huge so you can just... eat one. Like a snack loaf."
"Literally anything I slightly like"
"Yes, if I think 'damn these pickles are pretty good' there goes the whole jar PoP jut like that."
"Same with cookies, chips, anything."
"This is me too."
"Not just cookies and chips and treats, but regular meals too. It's gotten to the point where I only cook bland things because if I make something that tastes good I'll want to eat 3 or 4 helpings that night."
"Most snacks really. I don't have a sensible relationship with food."
The Brown DragonHappy Get Down GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy
"Cereal! Omg it’s bad. Specifically Cinnamon Toast Crunch (regular or the churro kind)"
"Someone brought in popcorn at work the other day. All sorts of 'gourmet' versions. One was Cinnamon and Sugar."
"It tasted EXACTLY like Cinnamon Toast Crunch."
"I killed the whole bag. Now I'm shaking. I need more. I'm chasing the brown dragon."
"Omg here in Texas, HEB sells horchata-flavored Rice Krispies. First it was Cinnamon Toast Crunch then it was the churros...now it's these."
"Canela es vida"
A Fascination With The Frozen
"Not the fancy ones, that 3 dollar bag of 24 twin pops. Had my girlfriend come home and see the side table by the couch full of sticks and just shake her head in disappointment at me."
"It's a childhood addiction I'll never shake, I guess."
"One day an old roommate bought a 48 box of ice cream sandwiches then went to the gym."
"By the time he got home I only managed to save him two."
"I like to eat all the colors and leave the grape ones , then eat the grape ones repeatedly until my entire mouth has frost bite."
"I've had to go to ER three times because of it and have given myself nerve damage."
"White cheddar popcorn... I turn into an animal"
"Same. My sister has a video tucked away of me emptying a bag of white cheddar popcorn into my mouth at a stop light while driving. She made sure my husband saw it before we got married."
"The amount of SmartFood family-sized bags that I have singlehandedly torn to shreds…"
More AnimalsHungry John Krasinski GIF by The Animal Crackers MovieGiphy
"Circus Animal cookies with the pink and white frosting."
"If surveyed, I wouldn't even say I liked them and it never occurs to me to buy them. But if they're around, get out of my way!"
"Have you tried them frozen? Discovered it by accident when I was staying in a place with no AC, and haven’t looked back since"
"Anything I like. I have ADHD and no self control"
"I have ADHD and I obsess over food too! Will eat the same thing for days until I don't like it anymore."
"The lack of self control is actually the worst."
"I binge food, alcohol, people, until I’ve f*cked up my body, my relationship, my job, or whatever else."
Hidden In The Toilet
"If it's in the house, it CALLS to me, and I am drawn to it like a Siren from Greek mythology."
"When my partner wants to have PB in the house, she literally has to hide it from me. And I've found it a few times, so she has to get REALLY CLEVER every time she gets a new container."
"Last time she hid it in the toilet tank, and I found it because I had to repair the flapper device and found it in there."
"I found my people. Can’t have it in the house. I will throw it away to save myself from myself."
"Everyone close to me knows it too, cuz I’ll announce it."
"No, no, no, get it out. I won’t stop eating it until it’s gone."
Easter Emergenciescrab GIF by OriginalsGiphy
"I made myself sick on Easter because I ate what turned out to be 11 crab rangoons in one sitting."
"I'm lactose intolerant. They're full of cream cheese."
"I'm allergic to seafood and I am addicted to them. Luckily they're usually made with fake crab..."
Alright foodies, you're up.
Go ahead and confess your snack sins. You're clearly among friends here.
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