Anonymous Pet Owners Share What They Wish They Could Tell Their Pets[rebelmouse-image 18345970 is_animated_gif=
Pets make wonderful companions. But no matter how close we are to our pets, there is still a communication barrier. But what if there wasn't?
Reddit user YellowUmbrellaGuy asked "You are given 1 hour to communicate with your pets so that they understand you perfectly and you understand them perfectly. What do you guys talk about?"
Here are pet owners replies.
Preparing for the Inevitable[rebelmouse-image 18345971 is_animated_gif=
Hey buddy, there's something I want to discuss, and it's kinda morbid...
dogs live shorter lives than humans. We hate it. If I could choose, I'd have you live just as long as me - animals certainly deserve to more than people (at least in my opinion).
There's going to probably come a day when your body breaks down before mine, and it will tear me apart to say goodbye. But I will do it, and you won't be alone. I promise. We actually allow this dignity much better for you guys than we do for ourselves. With tears in my eyes and you in my arms, you will drift off to sleep, dreaming of all of the happy times we share.
I love that we can chat now, because as much as we "get" each other in every other way, this is one that I never thought we'd be able to talk about, and it's very important to me that you understand.
Without this chat, I'd have to make my best guess on your quality of life, and I'd be making that decision to end your life when you're in pain on my own, not knowing if I have your consent. At least now, you can give it to me, let's work out a signal when things get so bad and you want to sleep.
Anyway, let's not worry about all that today. We still have so much time left, memories to make and places to go. I love ya buddy, you're my best friend. Thank you for bringing so much happiness into my life.
Music to My Ears[rebelmouse-image 18345973 is_animated_gif=
I'd talk with my cat about not sleeping inside the grand piano so that he doesn't have to scramble out when I strike the first chord.
100 Pounds[rebelmouse-image 18345974 is_animated_gif=
Okay guys listen, barking while I'm pouring you food will help nothing.
If you have to pee sit at the back door and bark.
The train isn't going to murder us.
Stop spinning in a circle and barking at the ground when your collar beeps it means you can't go any further.
I know you're excited when I get home, I am too, but you weigh over 100 pounds and your claws hurt so please don't jump on me.
Other than that, we good homies let's chill.
Selective Sickness[rebelmouse-image 18345975 is_animated_gif=
First off, you're both neutered so, please stop trying to bang him. Especially when it's obvious you're the only one having a good time. He shouldn't have to keep hissing at you to get you to stop. At this point it has been established he does not share your enthusiasm.
Second, please stay off my desk, the stove, and the entertainment center. Anywhere else, feel free to climb and explore, so long as you stop chewing on cables. That's a great way to get yourself shocked or worse.
Third, if you're gonna vomit, try and do it on the tile instead of the carpet, makes life easier for everyone.
You are both fantastic boys, and if you can keep to those few things, life will be even smoother sailing.
Mourning[rebelmouse-image 18345976 is_animated_gif=
My dog just died recently, so I'd tell him how sorry I was for putting him down but that I saw he was in pain and had a good life. Then I'd tell him how much of a good boy he was and that I still get hit with how much I miss him all the time.
Bunny Love[rebelmouse-image 18345977 is_animated_gif=
We just got a second bunny, so I would tell my bun that this is your sister and she really likes you and if you can stop being mean and stomping and hitting her, I promise to give you strawberries everyday.
I would also tell my dog I love him so much and show him the tattoo I have of him. He'd probably love it and want to get one of me.
I would ask them all if they have any comments, questions, or concerns and ask if they are happy.
Early Life[rebelmouse-image 18345978 is_animated_gif=
I'd ask them about their lives before we adopted them from a shelter, what were their old homes like, and how did they end up at the shelter? And then I'd want to make sure that they are happy here and that they know they are loved very much!
Ferreting Out the Truth[rebelmouse-image 18345979 is_animated_gif=
I'd ask my ferret why he is so cheeky.
I'd ask him to not bite my feet and go to the bathroom outside of his tray and tell him he'd get out more regularly if he didn't.
He'd probably ask for something to be with that isn't his teddy.
I'd ask him how he is with the teddy since he's been snipped and offer my congrats.
He'd then ask me why he was snipped at all.
I'd say it was his previous mum and dad.
He'd ask why he wasn't there anymore.
I'd have no answer and the rest of the hour would be awkward silence.
love, Love, LOVE[rebelmouse-image 18345981 is_animated_gif=
"So when family members show up, you don't have to bark."
"Yes, great, I love you."
"And also, if you do a clockwise 360, I'll know you need your water refilled."
"Haha, yes, I love you."
"Btw the vacuum isn't a portal to hell, it just cleans stuff."
"Why would you want things to be clean? Also, I love you."
Temporary[rebelmouse-image 18345982 is_animated_gif=
I have cats who hate being moved in a carrier or leaving the house for any reason whether it's to see the vet or to stay with a friend. So I'd tell my cats that being in the carrier is only temporary and that I will be back soon and that I'd never leave them permanently.
And also, it's OK to say hi to strangers. They aren't bad people. No need to hide. They just want to pet you and I know you like that so be a good kitty.
Poisonous Gas[rebelmouse-image 18345983 is_animated_gif=
I would ask my dog to leave the room if she was going to fart. Her bum blasts are incredibly potent.
TMI[rebelmouse-image 18345984 is_animated_gif=
Why are you so loud when you're licking yourself? I can hear you slurping from the other room sometimes; it's ridiculous.
Checking Up[rebelmouse-image 18345985 is_animated_gif=
Mostly I'd just make sure they were happy and that they knew I loved them.
Caviar Dreams and Champagne Wishes[rebelmouse-image 18345986 is_animated_gif=
If you start using the toilet then flush it, you can name what you want to eat, within reason.
Good-bye[rebelmouse-image 18345987 is_animated_gif=
I'm sorry that your owner and I are breaking up, and I'm sorry that because she's moving to another state that I'll never see you again. You are the best dog and friend a guy could ever have, and if we meet in the afterlife, I will give you all the treats I can. Thank you for the last six years. I love you.
Planning For The Future[rebelmouse-image 18345988 is_animated_gif=
I would use the time to develop a better system of communication between us for afterwards, so I don't have to wonder whether he wants out, food, or whatever, he could perform a certain specific action for each.
I would also tell him how much I love and appreciate him.
Speaking His Language[rebelmouse-image 18345989 is_animated_gif=
I think I'd just bark at my dog for an hour and SEE HOW HE LIKES IT, DAMMIT!
Dog: "this is great. i feel like we finally understand each other."
Mea Culpa[rebelmouse-image 18345990 is_animated_gif=
That he's perfect and I love him to death and if I step on his paw I'm really really sorry.
A Little Less Sass[rebelmouse-image 18345991 is_animated_gif=
I'd tell her if she knew it was family or a friend at the door, she did not have to bark. The worst is when I pull up, and she's staring right at me through the garden window, wagging her tail; defensive barking. Like. You see it's me, drop the attitude lady.
"NO STAY OUTSIDE I HAVEN'T FINISHED HIDING THE 'PRESENTS'."
Circular Arguments[rebelmouse-image 18345992 is_animated_gif=
Oh god, the time it would take to explain anything to my cat would be more than an hour.
"Why can't I have more food?"
"Because you eat a half pound of meat a day already and are a healthy weight."
"Sooo, that's 5% of your body weight and an average healthy cat eats 2-3%. Honestly it's a testament to your diet that you're maintaining such a healthy weight as is."
"Why would I want a healthy weight if it means less food?"
"Well I give you treats."
"Yeah, about those, why don't you give me more?"
"It's so you can be healthy and live a long time."
"I'm here for a good time, not a long time."
Already this conversation is looking to eat up 10-15 minutes and I haven't even gotten to why I can't play with him at 3AM.
"The question isn't why do I do flyby's on your bed at 3am, but instead why are you sleeping then? You see, I'm not sleeping and that is all that matters."
The problem with arguing with the cat is that I think the cat is probably smarter. Like comic book villain smarter.
When looking at a resume, it's easy to understand how prospective employers will assume someone is very intelligent based on their education and past experience.
But one shouldn't only assume someone's intelligence based on what they read.
More often than not, one can tell rather quickly that someone possesses above-average intelligence, based on how they speak, how they behave, or other telling details.
Redditor PadWanKenobi was curious to hear what people felt were the tell tale signs they were in the company of a possible genius, leading them to ask:
"What’s a sign of extremely high intelligence?"
"Ability to intuitively and quickly understand complex systems and how lots of parts relate in a coherent whole."
"Like I work with some people who just keep tons of concepts in their head and easily integrate new information into their understanding of those concepts."
"They immediately know what questions they should be asking to better understand."
"And these are things they're currently working on, not like things they spent time studying in school over years."
"They just have a very strong ability to synthesize new information into their understanding."
"I sit in meetings distracted and confused having forgotten what we talked about in the previous meetings, and these folks just consistently have a solid handle on everything."- Ok-Control-787
Innate Problem Solvers
"They know when not to solve a problem."
"This took me a while to understand but the smartest people I know do this."
"It could be a really simple thing like ignoring emails from people asking for help."
"The supervisor or boss might have a quick and easy solution for the situation but instead of just handing it to the person that asked they let them figure it out on their own."
"They know who they can do this with and when to do it."
"If they did that with all of their underlings it would just create a mess."
"Another example that I can think of is planned chaos."
"Some people can predict exactly where things will go wrong and they could fix it before it creates a problem."
"They don't because nobody ever notices what's going on in the background when things are working perfectly."
"Once things fails then everybody notices and if you are the one person that fixed it you become the hero."
"They can also use then chaos to reach a goal they couldn't get before if things were working correctly."
"There's many examples of this in every day life that I didn't see before until I realized what was happening."- atapesGiphy
You know what they say about people with small hands
"If your hand is smaller than your face."- FallofTheKnight
The all knowing glow.
"When someone asks you a question and you push your glasses up while light comes out of it and covers your eyes for some reason."- JonEregor
Those giveaway behavioral quirks
"Wearing glasses and saying things like 'ah yes', and 'I see' while you pensively rub your chin."- iuytrefdgh436yujhe2Thinking Reaction GIF by ABC TV + IVIEWGiphy
"When they explain something they make the people around them feel smarter, not dumber."- redkat85
Being one step ahead.
"The capacity to understand complex things, see patterns where regular people don't."- Ostepop234
"They have this tendency to make you go 'Ohhh, why didn't I think of that?' when listening to them talk."- did_it_forthelulzWhy Didnt I Think Of That Cillian Murphy GIFGiphy
An endless love of learning
"A passion for knowledge and expanding understanding of complex concepts."
"The plumber can be just as insightful as the scholar."- KatatoniK94
Of course, one shouldn't always be fooled by what they see.
As many people are masters at appearing much smarter than they are.
In fact, one important sign of super intelligence is being able to separate those who appear smart, from those who actually are.
With each passing year of a marriage, couples will often discover that while they don't love each other any less than they once did, that spark their relationship used to carry has faded.
This will often lead these couples to look for ways to spice things up a bit.
Among the more popular experiments is inviting a third member to their bedroom.
Enticing as this prospect is, however, it's also easy to be intimidated by the reality of it, or even the mere suggestion of it.
"Men, what advice do you have for men whose wives want to bring a third into the bedroom?"
Make sure you want to do it.
"You need to be completely honest with yourself, ask if this is something you want and could live with."- Dame87
Proceed with caution
"It’s like frolicking in a mine field."
"You both better be SUPER into the idea, you can’t have one person who’s reluctantly agreed to go along with it."
"And established rules."
"A threesome sounds like fun and games until you’re watching your partner make faces and sounds that you only thought were for you in your most intimate moments together, and a burning jealousy comes out of nowhere and breaks your heart."
"I’m not saying it’s automatically a bad idea and I know people do polyamory successfully, but dear god be careful."- coleosis1414
Make sure you're an active participant
"I had an ex that was adamant that she wanted to be a swinger or whatever."
"The one time I decided to roll with it, I hit it off immediately with the other dude's girlfriend and had a blast hanging out with her all night."
"The other dude was a total creep, though."
"Also, my ex could not handle the fact that someone else was giving me the slightest bit of attention."
"So, needless to say, that didn't go anywhere."
"Turns out she didn't want to be a swinger, she just wanted to have sex with other people behind my back, which she had no problems whatsoever with."- Ted_Denslow
Look out for ulterior motives
"Just remember that if you bring this up and your husband is against it, that could be the beginning of the end of your marriage."
"For a lot of people their partner saying 'I am seriously considering having sex with other people and I'm checking with you if it is ok', is a deal breaker."- gamerplays
Consider a test run?
"Go to a bar together separately."
"Watch them flirt/interact with someone else."
"If you get jealous, it's probably a bad idea to bring in a third."
"If it turns you on, go for it."- SinSlayer
Query people with experience.
"It’s something my wife and I have talked about."
"We both agreed that opening the Pandora’s box is not the way we want our relationship to go."
"While it sounds fun, we have seen way to many relationships derailed because of it."- DarthDujo
Consider going whole hog.
"Bring a 4th."- xxemrgmi
Evaluate your relationship first.
"Make sure you and your partner are secure in your own relationship before having another person join."
"Have boundaries, and no secrets."
"From my experience it doesn't usually work out in the end."- Thick-Procedure455
"Don't do it."
"For a long time, my ex harbored a fantasy of watching me have sex with another woman."
"Hey, who knows why any of us are wired the way we are?"
"After contemplating the idea together for a while, we decided to approach one of her more attractive co-workers, who had made a series of flattering comments along the lines of "you're so lucky" and "he's so good-looking'."
"She enthusiastically agreed."
"Our first meet-up was of course awkward, but the second, third and following were pretty good."
"In fact they got progressively hotter, as we all got more comfortable with each other's boundaries, erotic likes and dislikes."
"However, over a few months these occasional kinky weekends transitioned into the co-worker asking more frequently and aggressively to be invited over."
"We tried to explain that we had intended these threesomes to be rare and exotic highlights in our sex life, not regular occurrences, but she didn't take the message to heart and instead became increasingly insistent, bordering on smothering."
"After being turned down one Friday, that night she unexpectedly showed up at our door anyway, carrying a weekend bag and wearing nothing but a raincoat, stay-ups and heels."
"While that was quite a sight, it definitely creeped us out, as it made us finally realize the whole arrangement was descending into 'play Misty for me' territory."
"My ex and I agreed that her unexpected and unwelcome appearance signaled the end of future three-ways, at least until we were able to cool our own selves down, reassess, and perhaps later find a less demanding and insistent third."
"Things subsequently got very sticky at work for my wife, as her co-worker, with whom she had to interact closely, strongly resented being permabanned, and kept demanding to know 'what she'd done that was so awful'."
"Coworker eventually asked to be transferred to another office, but by the time that process was over and done, the discomfort / guilt / pressure / confusion my ex was suffering both at home and at work had begun to take its psychological toll."
"I must confess it didn't help that our own sex life was simultaneously going through a rough patch."
"Long story short, we ended our decade-long relationship less than a year after breaking off the threesomes, chiefly due to trust issues and growing sexual incompatibility, both perhaps triggered by our experimentation."
"Ever since, I've regretted agreeing to that first three-way."
"If I hadn't been so damned eager to take a bite of forbidden fruit, we might have kept our relationship intact."
"But I guess this can also be put down as what sometimes happens when you ignore that old advice, 'don't sh*t where you sleep'."- theartfulcodger
When venturing into the unknown, it's always wise to gain some first hand experience, to hear a variety of pros and cons of what you're possibly getting yourself into.
That way, deciding whether or not it's for you will become increasingly clear.
It's also important to remember, that it is always ok to say "no".
People Share Their Best 'You Either Die The Hero Or Live Long Enough To Become The Villain' Experiences
"You either die the hero or live long enough to become the villain."
Though not necessarily a universal truth, all of us have witnessed unfortunate moments in our lives where we've seen this saying become a reality.
Be it seeing our favorite public figures take a serious fall from grace, someone we know and admire eventually disappointing us in a devastating manner, or even seeing ourselves turn into someone we promised we'd never become.
One Redditor was curious to hear people's examples of this saying coming to light, either from a personal experience or seeing it happen to a well-known, public figure, leading them to ask:
"Who is your example of 'you either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain'?"
"He originally stood up for civil rights when it was really unpopular."
"Was hospitalized and accidentally placed in the black ward."
"When the doctors found out, they tried to move him, but he refused."
"Then he became a cult leader and used his power and influence to end the lives of a thousand people."- Crvsby
Earning a position of power
"Working in restaurant kitchens."
"You either burn out young, or become the boss that everyone hates."
"There's exceptions, but that's the rule."- grandpas_old_crow
"Henry Heimlich, inventor of the Heimlich Maneuver."
"Made up a bunch of untested uses for it, treating people having asthma attacks, and drowning victims were the two I remember that he publicly talked up."
"Later, he funded an experiment that involved injecting people with Malaria to see if it would treat other conditions.
"The experiment was found to be unethical by American review boards, so he conducted them in Ethiopia." - User Deleted
"In WW1 he led the French to victory at Verdun, one of the worst battles in human history."
"In WW2, after France was beaten, Petain was the head of state of Vichy France."
"Guy went from the Lion of Verdun to the biggest Nazi collaborator in France."- arthuranymoredonuts
"Every organ until it gets cancer."- SuperBaconjam
"He had the whole country behind him here in Ireland at one point bar people who thought combat sport is grotesque."
"He was witty, original, backing himself up and having a Hollywood like rise to stardom."
"Now he's someone who the whole country is ashamed of, goes punching old men, clearly sleeps around on his wife while she's at home with the kids, just a walking caricature of himself."
"He didn't listen to his own advice."
"Get out."- StephenPigot2020
Turning into our parents
"My dad used to annoy me by calling my Pokemon cards 'Pokey-Mans'."
"Now my kids have them and I do the same thing and it annoys the sh*t out of them."
"Thanks for the (Pokeyman) gold!"- rumpel4skinOU
"Almost died during the revolutionary way, if I recall correctly, and if he had he would have been remembered a huge hero, and a martyr."
"Instead he lived and changed sides, and is remembered only for his being a traitor."- uniqueperson22
Be it someone we knew quite intimately, or someone we admired from a far, it is always heartbreaking to see someone evolve from someone we love, to someone we utterly hate.
Sometimes we do things that have to be done.
And some of those things live in life's gray area of right and wrong.
What comes as a surprise to some is when we don't care if we're wrong.
We may still technically be in the right.
But morally and ethically, there may be some issues.
But still, many people don't care.
Redditor BirdyPizzawanted to see who would fess up about some of the worst things we're responsible for but have no shame.
"What is the darkest thing you have ever done and don’t regret?"
I've stolen from department stores that overcharged. I was arrested. I didn't care. So there...
"Five years ago my dad suffered a catastrophic stroke. Left paralyzed and robbed of his speech and ability to communicate he was a shell of the once vibrant, charismatic man he once was. He was moved into skilled nursing where he lived for nearly two years, he was miserable."
"On my last visit I told him it was okay if he wanted to leave us, that we would miss him but he should go. A week later I received the call that he had passed. Instead of immediate grief I felt relief. Relief that he was finally free. The grief came later and I still miss him every single day."
"Got into a car accident and had to stay with my mom for a couple days to figure out what to do. Went back to my apartment (I had two roommates) and everything was missing from my room. Long story short one of my roommates had everything hidden in her room."
"I called and told her the things were missing from my room and she came up with a lie that a couple girls came to look at my room (I was moving out bc of the accident, long story) and that they must have taken my things. She had everything I owned. Including my grandmothers perfume bottles, stuffed to the back of her closet, under her bed, behind her dresser etc."
"So I packed all of my stuff up. Then took a giant black garbage bag and stuffed as much of her closet in it as I could. Took it to the middle of nowhere, dug a hole and burnt it. She called screaming at me that her stuff was missing. I told her the two girls must have come by and taken her stuff too."
"I hit my uncle left right and center when he was trying to choke my father to death. I was 16 years old at that time, a very skinny girl. I beat his face neck and every part of him that I could target with so much intensity that my knuckles turned blue the next day. I had an animalistic rage that day trying to help my father get away from his death grip. I hate my uncle even today."
"I got anger issues because of growing up around him. And I don't regret beating him that day at all. He was physically abusive to his wife as well. One fine day, his wife retaliated by beating him blue with a stick. And he stopped being physically violent towards her post that."
"A neighbor like 10 years ago was neglecting their dog badly in the heat. The dog escaped often and ended up at the shelter a lot. One day she jumped the fence and got her tie-out cable stuck on the fence. (She was not in danger of choking.) Neighbor put her on a 3-foot-long cable tied to a doorknob, no water, 90 degree day. I let some kind folks steal her, watched the whole thing and said nothing to stop them."
"When my father was dying and in pain I was the one who told the doctors he had been through enough and we couldn't see him suffer anymore. Doctor injected him with something, I assume a morphine mega dose and he passed peacefully moments after. Euthanasia may not be legal in UK but compassionate doctors know what's what. I don't regret it because my pa made me promise I would have his back when he got sick or old. I'm sad he got sick and never got to get old."
That is a lot of mess. But sometimes we have to do what we have to do.
"One of my ex best friends in high school was a real narcissistic lunatic. Had so many egotistical fantasies about what he deserved but I remained his friend because we met through my close friend (his girlfriend). As I started realizing what a terrible person he was I convinced him to go after his fantasy of a harem by asking to add a 3rd to their relationship, that led to a fight between his gf."
"I called her about it and asked how she felt about him adding someone to their relationship and about him sleeping with her. She said she knew nothing about that and started crying because he cheated on her. I basically helped orchestrate their breakup and have no regrets. She is happy with her first child now and he is in a toxic af relationship with 3 kids, 2 of which aren't his and his partner is 8 years older than him."
"Had to make the choice to take my dad off of life support after he got Covid this year. He was sedated for a couple of weeks and one of his lungs collapsed and I couldn't watch him fall apart anymore. My dad was a bulky dude. Constantly did a lot of outdoor work and to see him bone skinny and have no muscle left killed me and I knew even if he somehow got through it, he would have been so miserable and depressed in that state he was in. I don’t regret it. I think it was the right thing to do by him. I’ll never not miss him though. That was my buddy."
"Turned a close friend into the fish and game. He would poach mountain lions and bears. His whole family would literally shoot them and leave them. He would brag about it. I couldn’t stand it and felt that I needed to stop him. He’s in prison and so is his uncle. I know I ruined his life but he was literally killing so many mountain lions and bears."
"In middle school, there was this group of boys that would corner me in the hallway and try to scare me. I was the perfect target for these little b**tards. I was short, skinny, and had (and still have) and anxiety disorder. One day I just had enough, and asked a friend if I could have an extra pencil, sharpened it as much as I could, and when I saw one of them in the hallway, I stabbed the hell out of his leg. Sh**head got what he deserved."
Wow... we really are a dark and secretive people.