Anonymous Pet Owners Share What They Wish They Could Tell Their Pets[rebelmouse-image 18345970 is_animated_gif=
Pets make wonderful companions. But no matter how close we are to our pets, there is still a communication barrier. But what if there wasn't?
Reddit user YellowUmbrellaGuy asked "You are given 1 hour to communicate with your pets so that they understand you perfectly and you understand them perfectly. What do you guys talk about?"
Here are pet owners replies.
Preparing for the Inevitable[rebelmouse-image 18345971 is_animated_gif=
Hey buddy, there's something I want to discuss, and it's kinda morbid...
dogs live shorter lives than humans. We hate it. If I could choose, I'd have you live just as long as me - animals certainly deserve to more than people (at least in my opinion).
There's going to probably come a day when your body breaks down before mine, and it will tear me apart to say goodbye. But I will do it, and you won't be alone. I promise. We actually allow this dignity much better for you guys than we do for ourselves. With tears in my eyes and you in my arms, you will drift off to sleep, dreaming of all of the happy times we share.
I love that we can chat now, because as much as we "get" each other in every other way, this is one that I never thought we'd be able to talk about, and it's very important to me that you understand.
Without this chat, I'd have to make my best guess on your quality of life, and I'd be making that decision to end your life when you're in pain on my own, not knowing if I have your consent. At least now, you can give it to me, let's work out a signal when things get so bad and you want to sleep.
Anyway, let's not worry about all that today. We still have so much time left, memories to make and places to go. I love ya buddy, you're my best friend. Thank you for bringing so much happiness into my life.
Music to My Ears[rebelmouse-image 18345973 is_animated_gif=
I'd talk with my cat about not sleeping inside the grand piano so that he doesn't have to scramble out when I strike the first chord.
100 Pounds[rebelmouse-image 18345974 is_animated_gif=
Okay guys listen, barking while I'm pouring you food will help nothing.
If you have to pee sit at the back door and bark.
The train isn't going to murder us.
Stop spinning in a circle and barking at the ground when your collar beeps it means you can't go any further.
I know you're excited when I get home, I am too, but you weigh over 100 pounds and your claws hurt so please don't jump on me.
Other than that, we good homies let's chill.
Selective Sickness[rebelmouse-image 18345975 is_animated_gif=
First off, you're both neutered so, please stop trying to bang him. Especially when it's obvious you're the only one having a good time. He shouldn't have to keep hissing at you to get you to stop. At this point it has been established he does not share your enthusiasm.
Second, please stay off my desk, the stove, and the entertainment center. Anywhere else, feel free to climb and explore, so long as you stop chewing on cables. That's a great way to get yourself shocked or worse.
Third, if you're gonna vomit, try and do it on the tile instead of the carpet, makes life easier for everyone.
You are both fantastic boys, and if you can keep to those few things, life will be even smoother sailing.
Mourning[rebelmouse-image 18345976 is_animated_gif=
My dog just died recently, so I'd tell him how sorry I was for putting him down but that I saw he was in pain and had a good life. Then I'd tell him how much of a good boy he was and that I still get hit with how much I miss him all the time.
Bunny Love[rebelmouse-image 18345977 is_animated_gif=
We just got a second bunny, so I would tell my bun that this is your sister and she really likes you and if you can stop being mean and stomping and hitting her, I promise to give you strawberries everyday.
I would also tell my dog I love him so much and show him the tattoo I have of him. He'd probably love it and want to get one of me.
I would ask them all if they have any comments, questions, or concerns and ask if they are happy.
Early Life[rebelmouse-image 18345978 is_animated_gif=
I'd ask them about their lives before we adopted them from a shelter, what were their old homes like, and how did they end up at the shelter? And then I'd want to make sure that they are happy here and that they know they are loved very much!
Ferreting Out the Truth[rebelmouse-image 18345979 is_animated_gif=
I'd ask my ferret why he is so cheeky.
I'd ask him to not bite my feet and go to the bathroom outside of his tray and tell him he'd get out more regularly if he didn't.
He'd probably ask for something to be with that isn't his teddy.
I'd ask him how he is with the teddy since he's been snipped and offer my congrats.
He'd then ask me why he was snipped at all.
I'd say it was his previous mum and dad.
He'd ask why he wasn't there anymore.
I'd have no answer and the rest of the hour would be awkward silence.
love, Love, LOVE[rebelmouse-image 18345981 is_animated_gif=
"So when family members show up, you don't have to bark."
"Yes, great, I love you."
"And also, if you do a clockwise 360, I'll know you need your water refilled."
"Haha, yes, I love you."
"Btw the vacuum isn't a portal to hell, it just cleans stuff."
"Why would you want things to be clean? Also, I love you."
Temporary[rebelmouse-image 18345982 is_animated_gif=
I have cats who hate being moved in a carrier or leaving the house for any reason whether it's to see the vet or to stay with a friend. So I'd tell my cats that being in the carrier is only temporary and that I will be back soon and that I'd never leave them permanently.
And also, it's OK to say hi to strangers. They aren't bad people. No need to hide. They just want to pet you and I know you like that so be a good kitty.
Poisonous Gas[rebelmouse-image 18345983 is_animated_gif=
I would ask my dog to leave the room if she was going to fart. Her bum blasts are incredibly potent.
TMI[rebelmouse-image 18345984 is_animated_gif=
Why are you so loud when you're licking yourself? I can hear you slurping from the other room sometimes; it's ridiculous.
Checking Up[rebelmouse-image 18345985 is_animated_gif=
Mostly I'd just make sure they were happy and that they knew I loved them.
Caviar Dreams and Champagne Wishes[rebelmouse-image 18345986 is_animated_gif=
If you start using the toilet then flush it, you can name what you want to eat, within reason.
Good-bye[rebelmouse-image 18345987 is_animated_gif=
I'm sorry that your owner and I are breaking up, and I'm sorry that because she's moving to another state that I'll never see you again. You are the best dog and friend a guy could ever have, and if we meet in the afterlife, I will give you all the treats I can. Thank you for the last six years. I love you.
Planning For The Future[rebelmouse-image 18345988 is_animated_gif=
I would use the time to develop a better system of communication between us for afterwards, so I don't have to wonder whether he wants out, food, or whatever, he could perform a certain specific action for each.
I would also tell him how much I love and appreciate him.
Speaking His Language[rebelmouse-image 18345989 is_animated_gif=
I think I'd just bark at my dog for an hour and SEE HOW HE LIKES IT, DAMMIT!
Dog: "this is great. i feel like we finally understand each other."
Mea Culpa[rebelmouse-image 18345990 is_animated_gif=
That he's perfect and I love him to death and if I step on his paw I'm really really sorry.
A Little Less Sass[rebelmouse-image 18345991 is_animated_gif=
I'd tell her if she knew it was family or a friend at the door, she did not have to bark. The worst is when I pull up, and she's staring right at me through the garden window, wagging her tail; defensive barking. Like. You see it's me, drop the attitude lady.
"NO STAY OUTSIDE I HAVEN'T FINISHED HIDING THE 'PRESENTS'."
Circular Arguments[rebelmouse-image 18345992 is_animated_gif=
Oh god, the time it would take to explain anything to my cat would be more than an hour.
"Why can't I have more food?"
"Because you eat a half pound of meat a day already and are a healthy weight."
"Sooo, that's 5% of your body weight and an average healthy cat eats 2-3%. Honestly it's a testament to your diet that you're maintaining such a healthy weight as is."
"Why would I want a healthy weight if it means less food?"
"Well I give you treats."
"Yeah, about those, why don't you give me more?"
"It's so you can be healthy and live a long time."
"I'm here for a good time, not a long time."
Already this conversation is looking to eat up 10-15 minutes and I haven't even gotten to why I can't play with him at 3AM.
"The question isn't why do I do flyby's on your bed at 3am, but instead why are you sleeping then? You see, I'm not sleeping and that is all that matters."
The problem with arguing with the cat is that I think the cat is probably smarter. Like comic book villain smarter.
In order to live a happy, healthy life, it's important to look to the future and leave your past behind you.
Even so, very few people don't find themselves laying awake in bed at night, or ferociously chopping vegetables in their kitchen feeling resentful, or holding a grudge from something in their past.
Losing a lead role in a school play, not making varsity, being excluded from a birthday party everyone else was invited to.
No matter how long ago it was, it's still hard to shake off the feeling of disappointment and anger you felt at the time.
For some, the bitterness is. like a pot of tea, and only grows stronger the longer it steeps.
Redditor xefarar565 was curious to hear the things people still can't quite get over, leading them to ask:
"What are you STILL salty about?
When The Teacher Was Wrong
"In a 5th grade science test the question was, 'are there any stars in the solar system'."
"I answered, 'yes'.
"Teacher marked it wrong."
"I went up afterwards and said, 'What about the Sun?'"
"He said, he meant that all the other stars are not in our solar system and kept it marked wrong."
"Although I am harboring this for 50 years now, he was all-around one of the best teachers I ever had and just passed away a week or so ago."
"But damn, that should have been marked 'right'."- tres_chill
"On a fourth grade math test we had to make a shape that had only four sides, one set of parallel lines, and only ONE right angle."
"There were probably more requirements but I cant remember."
"I remember almost crying at my desk and spending 20 minutes on that one question while constantly telling my teacher that it wasn't possible but according to her it was."
"And the next day we went over the answer key, and the answer had two right angles."- Gloomy_CowPlant·
"In fourth grade English class (EU) I've used the word 'gross' in a random sentence we had to write."
"The teacher argued that it isn't a real word, I said that it is, that I saw it a few times in video games and movies and she said that they aren't a reliable source."
"I said to her that I'm gonna show it in the dictionary, but she instead grabbed me by the arm and took me out of the classroom and locked the door."
"To this day I am still fuming about this."
"And then she had the nerve to be all chummy when I met her once in a supermarket."
"In both cases it was meant like 'disgusting' and I know there are even more meanings behind the word."
"I wonder if she knows by now."- kuroishi_xSeason 8 Teacher GIF by FriendsGiphy
"When I was in high school someone tagged up the school."
"They announced there would be a reward for anyone who rats anyone out."
"I get called in the office and find out I’m suspended for vandalization."
"I didn’t do it and had no idea who."
"4 days later I’m allowed to come back to school because they found who actually did it."
"I just got an apology."- Imlouwhoareyou
When Nobody Believes You
"Me and some others in primary school were saying the biggest numbers we knew of."
"Everybody was saying like 100 thousand and a million and then I'm like 'a trillion'."
"And they refused to believe it was a real number."- Jhyanisawesome
When Parents Don't Believe You
"When I was in high school, I was occasionally allowed to drive my family's third car."
"It had a slow leak in one of the tires, so we were all supposed to check the pressure and put air in it if we needed to."
"I picked up a friend to go to a movie, and when we came out one tire was completely flat."
"It wasn't the one with the leak, so I put the spare on and drove home."scolding in trouble GIF by Archie ComicsGiphy
"I got absolute hell from my parents about it."
"How irresponsible I was to not check it, I'd have to pay for the repair, why didn't I call roadside assistance, etc."
"Took it to get fixed, repeat the whole lecture as we're dropping it off, and the tech who did it called my mom and told her he'd found a nail in the tire and there was no way I could have seen it coming."
"She refused to apologize and I still had to pay for it."- EradiKate
Huge Fee For A Crappy Job
"Being charged $1000 for a battery an alternator change."
"They also destroyed my starter motor in the process and rounded a bunch of my bolts."
"They left tools in the engine bay."
"I don't even have that car anymore and I'm still salty."
"F*ck you Midas!"- funkyjiveturkey
Undervalued At Work
"3 months ago I went on maternity leave."
"The woman hired to cover for me was being paid 3 dollars more than I'm currently paid."
"She was going to be kept on as a full time accounting assistant after I returned, but she couldn't keep up with my daily tasks and completely fucked up several databases that I had to correct when I returned to work the following month."
"When I asked for a raise, they offered me .50 after telling me how crucial I am to the structure of the company."
"Needless to say, I'm looking for a new job."- chumbokoshSeason 3 Nbc GIF by The OfficeGiphy
It sometimes feels like it's impossible to get a bitter taste out of our mouth.
That's when we remember how in every recipe, you'll likely need a little bitterness to offset the sweet, salty and sour.
So, rather than stew in our anger and resentment, maybe take a minute to really think about how we somehow grew from these otherwise awful situations.
Try as I might, I just can't get into the Kardashians. I think most of us are tired of them, actually.
But their fanbase is massive and they are pretty much the American version of the royal family. They wouldn't have attained that status without a legion of loyal fans who eat up everything they do, contributing to a massive collective social media following.
But fans of the Kardashians are just the most high-profile fanbase you might know about.
There are others you might not be so keenly aware of.
People told us all about them after Redditor dominique4thewin asked the online community:
"What’s the stupidest thing that has a large fan base?"
"Convince one depressed powerful person..."
"Scientology. Convince one depressed powerful person that you have something to offer them, get them to spill some dark stuff about themselves and other powerful people, leverage that into convincing another powerful person you have something to offer them, repeat."
Their buildings are enormous. Their offices in New York in California are as imposing as you think but the number of Scientologists is on the decline.
"I find it a bit weird..."
"I find it a bit weird that politicians seem to have fans rather than supporters."
Usually it's not about the person but the ideas they hold (or say they hold).
"The Kardashians. Many celebrities in general. They shouldn't be worshipped like they are."
Celebrities need us more than we need them.
"Influencers. I feel like small time niche group influencers aren’t a problem. They’re great for backpacking, as an example, where they test out the gear and give the pros/cons. It’s when they start to sell their endorsements to the highest bidder."
Don't get me started.
Sell, sell, sell. That's what they do.
"Flat earth. How many are actual believers vs people just 'joking' though? I have only met one actual flat earther in my life."
Oh, there are a lot. And there are entire documentaries about them.
"The fan in my bedroom. The base is ridiculously big for the size of the fan and it takes up too much room and I trip on it almost every morning getting ready in the dark."
I see what you did there.
Mine has a smaller base and yet I still manage to trip over it.
"Moms exploiting their children for money and popularity."
The number of parents who have monetized their own children for social media is too damn high.
90 Day Fiance
"The 90 Day Fiancé Universe (which is a thing thanks to their billion spinoffs)."
Technically we're all living in the 90 Day Fiance universe.
"YouTube reaction videos. They're awful."
I just don’t see appeal to reaction videos. It is always fake super over the top reactions.
"I'm not talking about..."
"ASMR - I'm not talking about rain sounds or even a softly spoken story being told or something. What I'm referring to is a moderately attractive Japanese woman slurping down a bowl full of jelly an inch away from a microphone. Yuck!"
It takes all kinds I guess. Not sure how any of that is remotely appealing.
One thing is for sure: After reading all of these, you're bound to see that there is something out there for everyone.
Have observations of your own? Tell us more in the comments below!
Life is moving so fast.
Everytime we get used to something it seems like it evolves and we have to learn more.
I miss CD's. Spotify confuses me.
AOL chat rooms were simple. What the H*LL is Discourse? Or Discontent?
I miss TV just being on channels in the box.
There are so many apps I have cold sweats.
And I can just tap my credit card and pay for things?
It's too much.
But all the things I learned will soon be gone.
Like the OG Toys 'R Us.
Time to say farewell...
Redditor Substantial-Young-85 asked:
"What will die with millennials?"
Remember when cars were driven by people?
That's going the way of the horse and buggy.
"I once tried to explain the my niece that phones used to be wired to walls. She's ten (she was six at the time) cell phones are all she's ever known. Among the reasons she guessed as to why they were 'tied' to walls: To stop people from stealing them."
N_WhoPhone Call Dancing GIF by Crissy ConnerGiphy
"Memory of life without internet."
"When I was a kid, we didn't have the internet."
"I remember asking our son one time if he knew how much tablet time I git when I was a kid (he was complaining that he was t getting enough). He guessed 2 hours. I told him 0, because the internet, let alone tablets, weren't really a thing yet. He looks confused and mystified."
Looked it Up?
"Remembering someone’s phone number."
"Still have my 3 best friends numbers memorized, when I haven't needed to use that info for 15+ years, as well as most of my family. Intentionally memorized my boyfriend's in case there's an emergency and I don't have my phone."
"I know my parents' home number and a few friends from high school's telephone numbers. I do not know my wife's telephone number and when I do need it I always look it up on my phone."
"Dubbing cassettes and burning your own mix on CD."
"Ahhhh, waiting by the radio for an hour for them to play your favorite song. You push record at just the right moment. Song plays! Only for the DJ to talk over the last 30 seconds. Sigh. Memories."
"Or somewhere yells into the basement or your room. Followed by “I AM TRYING TO RECORD A TAPE!"
"3.5 inch floppy discs."
"I have a sealed 5 pack box of those in my room, wonder how much they are worth nowadays."
Floppy what? Even I barely remember those. LOL.
"Watching 'whatever was on.' Everything is always on now, you don’t stumble into an interesting (or awful) show because it’s the only thing mildly interesting on TV."
ChefJeff7777777television fashion GIF by DenyseGiphy
"that's not right surely"
"A coworker and I were talking a while ago and we started thinking/ talking about how the general population (not the ones going to school for it or people truly interested) most younger and older people don't understand a lot about computers. If it's not app, most people aren't really sure how to get to it on a computer."
"I thought, 'that's not right surely' but when trying to get a younger coworker (different dept) to add a printer he literally asked me "wheres the app I can't find it to add the printer" and I just like stared into the middle distance for a sec before just doing it for him. It was like navigating a computer wasn't something he'd done in his life."
"And he's only like 4 years younger than me. He's glued to a cell phone too so I was like yeah ok this guy should know. Nope. This is only one example though. However, when I really stop and think about it, the window from late 80s-00s were really the testing phase for home computers and most to all websites. So navigating them, learning basic code (OG, Myspace people)."
"And just figuring out computer language (not code just the terms) for normal people... really ended when cell phones became more popular. But it feels weird to have to explain stuff to someone younger than me while simultaneously doing the same thing when they are older. It's kinda frustrating tbh but mostly just mind boggling."
"Playing multi-player video games with split screens in one room."
"Eeehh split screens will probably be a thing forever I mean if Nintendo is still strong and going in the 2080s then we will still have Mario Party."
"We used to do LAN parties. You could hook up to 4 Xboxes to each other any play a couple of people on each one. It was great. Cords running everywhere, but 4 Xboxes running at once mad for some fun times. You'd constantly be yelling back and forth between rooms and mom would lose it."
"Knowledge of pre-digital life. An appreciation for sending and receiving letters in the mail. As Arcade Fire put it, we used to wait. Memory of the USA pre 9/11. Using maps and Thomas Guides for road trips. Guys, I’m so old I remember the first time my dad used MapQuest to print out directions for a cross country trip, and how novel it seemed at the time."
"Apparently using a Haynes or a Chilton’s manual to work on your car. I hate using YouTube videos for car maintenance, but it looks like that’s all I have left."
RandomGovtEmployeeconfused season 2 GIF by Blunt TalkGiphy
I'm feeling a bit nostalgic. Oh the memories...
What do we writers always say?
The truth is far stranger than fiction.
When we watch a movie there is constantly a scene where people are like... "THAT could never happen!"
Well it could and it has.
And there is more truths and facts throughout life just like fiction.
There is so much more to learn beyond science classes in school.
Wikipedia has educated us all.
Truth is truth.
So let's hear some facts that'll surprise us.
It's been so long.
Redditor Aden_Elvis77 asked:
"What is something that most people won’t believe, but is actually true?"
I am not a "knowing extra facts person," so I'm here to be schooled.
"Think of an apple as the Earth. Human beings have never dug past the skin layer."
"Think PF balloon filled with water. Just imagine the water is molten lava."
ffsudjatSilence Of The Lambs Skin GIF by Death Wish CoffeeGiphy
"Humpback whales will turn on their back and let seals jump on their stomachs to save them from orcas because they freaking hate orcas."
"Edit: Just because this got attention, here are some fun sources..."
Age is only a #
"The guy who played the villain in Karate kid 3 (Terry Silver , Thomas Ian Griffith) is actually 7 months younger than Ralph Macchio, (Daniel LaRusso). It’s weird because the karate kid was still supposed to be under 18 and the villain was supposed to have fought in Vietnam."
"Hollywood age is really weird. Sean Connery was only 12 years older than Harrison Ford, but played his noticeably older father in Indiana Jones."
"He's in the latest couple of seasons of Cobra Kai and I would not have guessed that. Good fact!"
"The average blood pressure of a giraffe is around 300/190. They need to have a high BP to get the blood all the way up the neck to profuse the brain with oxygen. I am thoroughly impressed by their cardiovascular system."
"They also have a specific mechanism to not let their brain explode from too much blood pressure when they lower their head to drink. Truly fascinating creatures."
"Komodo dragons usually reproduce sexually, but females in captivity have been known to reproduce by parthenogenesis, without the need for sperm."
Dusty_Rollerdragon spinner GIFGiphy
I really have no interest in anyone or anything's sex life but mine.
Read the label...
"There would be a lot more ancient Egyptian mummies if we didn’t grind most of them up to paint with or… eat."
"Victorians be whack. Mummy brown was a very popular paint pigment for the time, creating a rich brown color that couldn’t easily be replicated, and eating bits of mummies (mixed into other things mind you, it was considered a medicine and not a food) was thought to possibly cure diseases. Probably had 0 scientific backing behind it even back in the day but trendy rich people are trendy rich people no matter the era."
MadameCatDance Dancing GIF by Scooby-DooGiphy
"Anne Frank, Martin Luther King, and Barbara Walters were all born in the same year."
"C.S. Lewis and Aldous Huxley died on the same day, but it didn't really make the news because the day was 11/22/1963 and it was also the day JFK was shot."
"It's wild that Anne Frank or MLK might still be alive today if they hadn't been killed by oppressive right-wing regimes. Makes you wonder what we're missing out on."
"Almonds are from the peach family."
"Cashews, pistachios, and mangos are related to poison ivy. If you are extremely sensitive to poison ivy you may also react to the others. Mango skin can cause the ‘mango mouth’ rash and cashews for example can give you a terribly itchy bu**hole."
"If done right, marzipan (made from almonds) and persipan (made from peach seeds) almost taste the same."
Over the Water
"The shortest commercial flight in the world lasted 57 seconds. It was a Loganair flight between two Scottish islands, Westray and Papa Westray. It was recorded the shortest commercial flight, with the distance of 1.7 miles."
"It’s actually quite necessary. There are too few people living there to build bridges, and the seas are too rough for ferries, so the only real option is to use planes. As for the planes themselves, the ones operating the flight are tiny DHC-6 Twin Otters, which don’t use that much fuel relative to larger airliners."
Pieces of Rain
"Humans can smell some components of the smell of rain (the geosmin part of petrichor, specifically) far better than sharks can small blood in water. We are very very sensitive to it."
"Edit: thank you all for enjoying this fact I really like reading all your replies and I’m learning even more about this. Now go own people in trivia! Science is awesome! Thank you for the premium/gold whoever did that!"
Well that was entertaining. I knew I loved rain.