
Anonymous Pet Owners Share What They Wish They Could Tell Their Pets
[rebelmouse-image 18345970 is_animated_gif=Pets make wonderful companions. But no matter how close we are to our pets, there is still a communication barrier. But what if there wasn't?
Reddit user YellowUmbrellaGuy asked "You are given 1 hour to communicate with your pets so that they understand you perfectly and you understand them perfectly. What do you guys talk about?"
Here are pet owners replies.
Preparing for the Inevitable
[rebelmouse-image 18345971 is_animated_gif=Hey buddy, there's something I want to discuss, and it's kinda morbid...
dogs live shorter lives than humans. We hate it. If I could choose, I'd have you live just as long as me - animals certainly deserve to more than people (at least in my opinion).
There's going to probably come a day when your body breaks down before mine, and it will tear me apart to say goodbye. But I will do it, and you won't be alone. I promise. We actually allow this dignity much better for you guys than we do for ourselves. With tears in my eyes and you in my arms, you will drift off to sleep, dreaming of all of the happy times we share.
I love that we can chat now, because as much as we "get" each other in every other way, this is one that I never thought we'd be able to talk about, and it's very important to me that you understand.
Without this chat, I'd have to make my best guess on your quality of life, and I'd be making that decision to end your life when you're in pain on my own, not knowing if I have your consent. At least now, you can give it to me, let's work out a signal when things get so bad and you want to sleep.
Anyway, let's not worry about all that today. We still have so much time left, memories to make and places to go. I love ya buddy, you're my best friend. Thank you for bringing so much happiness into my life.
Music to My Ears
[rebelmouse-image 18345973 is_animated_gif=I'd talk with my cat about not sleeping inside the grand piano so that he doesn't have to scramble out when I strike the first chord.
100 Pounds
[rebelmouse-image 18345974 is_animated_gif=Okay guys listen, barking while I'm pouring you food will help nothing.
If you have to pee sit at the back door and bark.
The train isn't going to murder us.
Stop spinning in a circle and barking at the ground when your collar beeps it means you can't go any further.
I know you're excited when I get home, I am too, but you weigh over 100 pounds and your claws hurt so please don't jump on me.
Other than that, we good homies let's chill.
Selective Sickness
[rebelmouse-image 18345975 is_animated_gif=First off, you're both neutered so, please stop trying to bang him. Especially when it's obvious you're the only one having a good time. He shouldn't have to keep hissing at you to get you to stop. At this point it has been established he does not share your enthusiasm.
Second, please stay off my desk, the stove, and the entertainment center. Anywhere else, feel free to climb and explore, so long as you stop chewing on cables. That's a great way to get yourself shocked or worse.
Third, if you're gonna vomit, try and do it on the tile instead of the carpet, makes life easier for everyone.
You are both fantastic boys, and if you can keep to those few things, life will be even smoother sailing.
Mourning
[rebelmouse-image 18345976 is_animated_gif=My dog just died recently, so I'd tell him how sorry I was for putting him down but that I saw he was in pain and had a good life. Then I'd tell him how much of a good boy he was and that I still get hit with how much I miss him all the time.
Bunny Love
[rebelmouse-image 18345977 is_animated_gif=We just got a second bunny, so I would tell my bun that this is your sister and she really likes you and if you can stop being mean and stomping and hitting her, I promise to give you strawberries everyday.
I would also tell my dog I love him so much and show him the tattoo I have of him. He'd probably love it and want to get one of me.
I would ask them all if they have any comments, questions, or concerns and ask if they are happy.
Early Life
[rebelmouse-image 18345978 is_animated_gif=I'd ask them about their lives before we adopted them from a shelter, what were their old homes like, and how did they end up at the shelter? And then I'd want to make sure that they are happy here and that they know they are loved very much!
Ferreting Out the Truth
[rebelmouse-image 18345979 is_animated_gif=I'd ask my ferret why he is so cheeky.
I'd ask him to not bite my feet and go to the bathroom outside of his tray and tell him he'd get out more regularly if he didn't.
He'd probably ask for something to be with that isn't his teddy.
I'd ask him how he is with the teddy since he's been snipped and offer my congrats.
He'd then ask me why he was snipped at all.
I'd say it was his previous mum and dad.
He'd ask why he wasn't there anymore.
I'd have no answer and the rest of the hour would be awkward silence.
love, Love, LOVE
[rebelmouse-image 18345981 is_animated_gif=With dogs:
"So when family members show up, you don't have to bark."
"Yes, great, I love you."
"And also, if you do a clockwise 360, I'll know you need your water refilled."
"Haha, yes, I love you."
"Btw the vacuum isn't a portal to hell, it just cleans stuff."
"Why would you want things to be clean? Also, I love you."
Temporary
[rebelmouse-image 18345982 is_animated_gif=I have cats who hate being moved in a carrier or leaving the house for any reason whether it's to see the vet or to stay with a friend. So I'd tell my cats that being in the carrier is only temporary and that I will be back soon and that I'd never leave them permanently.
And also, it's OK to say hi to strangers. They aren't bad people. No need to hide. They just want to pet you and I know you like that so be a good kitty.
Poisonous Gas
[rebelmouse-image 18345983 is_animated_gif=I would ask my dog to leave the room if she was going to fart. Her bum blasts are incredibly potent.
TMI
[rebelmouse-image 18345984 is_animated_gif=Why are you so loud when you're licking yourself? I can hear you slurping from the other room sometimes; it's ridiculous.
Checking Up
[rebelmouse-image 18345985 is_animated_gif=Mostly I'd just make sure they were happy and that they knew I loved them.
Caviar Dreams and Champagne Wishes
[rebelmouse-image 18345986 is_animated_gif=If you start using the toilet then flush it, you can name what you want to eat, within reason.
Good-bye
[rebelmouse-image 18345987 is_animated_gif=I'm sorry that your owner and I are breaking up, and I'm sorry that because she's moving to another state that I'll never see you again. You are the best dog and friend a guy could ever have, and if we meet in the afterlife, I will give you all the treats I can. Thank you for the last six years. I love you.
Planning For The Future
[rebelmouse-image 18345988 is_animated_gif=I would use the time to develop a better system of communication between us for afterwards, so I don't have to wonder whether he wants out, food, or whatever, he could perform a certain specific action for each.
I would also tell him how much I love and appreciate him.
Speaking His Language
[rebelmouse-image 18345989 is_animated_gif=I think I'd just bark at my dog for an hour and SEE HOW HE LIKES IT, DAMMIT!
Dog: "this is great. i feel like we finally understand each other."
Mea Culpa
[rebelmouse-image 18345990 is_animated_gif=That he's perfect and I love him to death and if I step on his paw I'm really really sorry.
A Little Less Sass
[rebelmouse-image 18345991 is_animated_gif=I'd tell her if she knew it was family or a friend at the door, she did not have to bark. The worst is when I pull up, and she's staring right at me through the garden window, wagging her tail; defensive barking. Like. You see it's me, drop the attitude lady.
"NO STAY OUTSIDE I HAVEN'T FINISHED HIDING THE 'PRESENTS'."
Circular Arguments
[rebelmouse-image 18345992 is_animated_gif=Oh god, the time it would take to explain anything to my cat would be more than an hour.
"Why can't I have more food?"
"Because you eat a half pound of meat a day already and are a healthy weight."
"So?"
"Sooo, that's 5% of your body weight and an average healthy cat eats 2-3%. Honestly it's a testament to your diet that you're maintaining such a healthy weight as is."
"Why would I want a healthy weight if it means less food?"
"Well I give you treats."
"Yeah, about those, why don't you give me more?"
"It's so you can be healthy and live a long time."
"I'm here for a good time, not a long time."
Already this conversation is looking to eat up 10-15 minutes and I haven't even gotten to why I can't play with him at 3AM.
"The question isn't why do I do flyby's on your bed at 3am, but instead why are you sleeping then? You see, I'm not sleeping and that is all that matters."
The problem with arguing with the cat is that I think the cat is probably smarter. Like comic book villain smarter.
Have you ever heard of a certain job that people call a career and thought... "PEOPLE PAY YOU FOR THAT?!?!"
All hard, honest work is good work.
And then there is just trash work.
And I don't mean garbage collection, that is honest work.
I don't know how some people live with themselves.
Redditor MrTuxedo1 wanted to discuss the careers they don't believe people should chase. They asked:
"What job do you have no respect for?"
Ticket scalpers. How do you the audacity to say that's a job?
Actual burglars have more empathy.
Disrespectful
"There are debt collectors who call relatives of the deceased to pay off their debts when they are not legally obligated to."
Top_Gun_2021
Shady. Shady.
"Australian Real Estate Agents. Laws don't seem to apply to them. Just as dodgy in sales and rentals alike. Never seen anything like it overseas."
snave_
"I'm in the US, it can vary state by state but my state is pretty strict on realtor laws. Some states require attorney review and there are definitely penalties for being reported for shady sh*t. It does require consumer reporting though."
ilostmytaco
Etransfer
"Where I live, tax info was leaked and now scammers are targeting low income individuals/families (people earning under 30,000 per year) with etransfer scams. I got one the other day that was an etransfer warning that 240$ 'a family member sent me' was about to expire."
SnowyInuk
"That’s disgusting. The scammers know what they’re doing, they know the harm they cause people and yet they don’t care."
surelysandwitch
Should be illegal...
"MLM managers. Not the low level idiots that get suckered into it, they suck too for trying to bring new people into that sh*tshow, but the people who create them know exactly what they are doing and are pretty much the only ones who profit off of it. Should be illegal. Pyramid schemes are illegal. None of them ever get the just desserts except occasionally by vigilantes I assume."
Wereno
I hate debt collectors. Yeah, you calling me one hundred times a week is going to miraculously make money appear.
Animals
"Paparazzi."
VictorBlimpmuscle
"I met Jack Gleeson (King Joffrey from Game of Thrones) at a bus stop in Dublin. Really nice guy but he said he quit acting due to people being nasty online and constant hounding from paparrazi. He's happier now but it sucks that he was pushed away from a career he was quite good at."
goobi94
Scumbags
"The pastors at mega churches whom ask their followers for money for private jets. Absolute scum to abuse others faith for your own greed."
ichancho
"Brian Tamaki is a greedy freaking pig, he takes advantage of so many people who are already struggling. Every time he’s in the local news (which btw is often) I get more and more pissed off at him and his wife. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Tamaki "
surelysandwitch
it’s a thing???
“'Dating Expert.' Sadly it’s a thing. It’s basically a self appointed title that requires no training or qualifications. What’s worse, is that I have a female friend who uses one. It’s very much a blind leading the blind situation."
Mean_Manufacturer_61
"Most of the self proclaimed “dating coaches” I know are women in their late 30s or early 40s who have never been married or had a longer relationship."
ipozgaj
EVIL
"Poachers. Especially big game poachers who purposefully hunt nearly extinct animals from species they know they are on the brink."
"I know there are poachers that come from rural villages who are trying to just put food on the table, which has my sympathy but poachers who come from money and hunt down animals minding their business in most shelters or restricted areas just to put a head on their wall as a trophy are absolutely heinous."
GetterdoneObiwan
I See It All
"Psychic Mediums. Specifically those who prey on the grieving."
JamesDeadite
"I've always found it interesting how many magicians go after people like this. I think it's because they know what it takes to trick people for the art. The slight of hand and mentalism. And they abhor people who use these tactics for such sh*tty purposes."
34HoldOn
I want so bad to believe in psychics and mediums. What say we on that topic?
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The nose is constantly being attacked by odors of the world.
Going through one day without having to hold my breath during a certain point, is a miracle.
Of course, I'm a New Yorker, so I maybe exaggerating for people in the countryside.
What's funnier is odors that are pleasant, that shouldn't be.
Have you ever looked and something and thought... "yuck."
But then you smelled it and it was like... "oh lovely,"
Redditor HappQueue wanted to know what aromas are arousing to the senses that may come as a surprise to many. They asked:
"What smells good but shouldn't?"
For some odd reason I love the things burning. Anything, food, pots, pans. You name it. Weird.
Blow
"Matches/candles on a birthday cake. I remember lighting matches as a kid purely to blow them out and inhale that sweet match-y smell."
semispooked
"guilty good"
"I work at a Chemical plant. We make a highly acidic product that is dark blue, viscus, highly corrosive, and smells exactly like Fruit Loops. It is incredibly disturbing."
Turin082
"Organic chemistry has many 'guilty good' smells. Thiophosgene (sulfur derivative of a chemical weapon used extensively in WW1) apparently smells like meat. Phosgene is used to make polycarbonate, thiophosgene is used to make some sulfur-containing molecules which eventually end up in therapeutic drugs."
HammerTh_1701
I can't huff it...
"Paint, specifically house paint. I love the smell. But anytime I hear that anyone is painting a room or their house, I volunteer. I just love sitting on the floor in a room that's been freshly painted, closing my eyes and just inhaling that slightly chemically, slightly creamy aroma."
Neowza
A Hint of French...
"A fish and chips shop burnt down as couple blocks from work a few years ago. The whole neighborhood smelled amazing for days. Just the slight hint of French fries. Nothing overpowering. It was so awesome. Until I found out someone was trapped in the fire and died."
stevey_frac
Drag
"Race fuel. Instantly puts me in a good mood as it reminds me of going to the drag races with my dad when I was young."
garfnodie
Fuel and matches get me too. And they sort of go together. Interesting.
Just like the Movie...
"The water from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Mmm, bromine."
Stalkerslovemy
"This is one of my favorite scents of all time, and Disney is very aware that people enjoy it. Evidently it’s a lot harder to recreate than just adding bromine to water."
cash4panties
"black widow".
"There's a chicken wing restaurant near my house that has a challenge sauce called "black widow." The owner claims it to be around 500,000 scovilles. A few years back some buddies and I decided to try them, the sauce was a dark molasses color and smelled almost like a BBQ sauce, no hint of the danger that lurked at all. We each grabbed one wing and it went terribly. I don't know how something so spicy could smell so innocent."
Final-Chapter
Endless Weekend
"Hotel/rented rooms whenever you go on vacation. There's this particular smell that just says 'you are on vacation,' especially on a beach/swimming trips/out-of-the-town vacays."
Yummy_Llama
"Bath and Body Works has a plug-in scent called Endless Weekend that replicates that scent (to my humble nose)."
Exxcentrica
"oh no..."
"Someone you are attracted to's body odors. Anyone else who is slightly unhygienic smells repulsive."
Mini_gunslinger
"I remember back in high school a girl leaned over, sniffed me, told me that I smelled really good, and asked me what cologne I was wearing. I asked if she was joking, and she's like, no, you smell really good. When I told her I had just gotten done with gym class, she gets a small 'oh no...' look on her face and turns away. I think we both had a revelation that day."
user deleted
That Smell
"The smell inflatable things give off. I have no idea how to describe it, but it’s… nostalgic? to me."
crestfxllen
I do love the smell of plastics and inflatables. Ahh....
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At one point in time, we've misplaced things that we've considered priceless possessions.
It's hard to imagine how to go on without the lost object–whatever it may be–but over time, it becomes a distant memory and we move on.
That is until we magically find ourselves presented with this opportunity proposed by Redditor mikehotel288, who asked:
"You find yourself in a room with everything you’ve ever lost in your life. What do you look for first?"
There are necessities people cannot do without.
No More Dry Lips Ever Again
"Gonna be a lot of chapstick in that room."
– camefromxbox
There are things that bring us comfort and are irreplaceable.
Safety Blanket
"My baby blanket. It became tattered over the years—to the point where I couldn’t reasonably wash it anymore—so I had to throw it away a little while back."
"I have heavily regretted that decision. I was really attached to it (hence it being in tatters), but I really wish that I kept what was left of it instead of throwing it away. Just knowing that I’d still have it would be a huge comfort to me."
– Uearie
Sentimental Heirloom
"The pendant my dad had made for me with my grandmother’s engagement diamond. It was 2 carats. It disappeared from a Las Vegas hotel room 20 years ago. It was hidden deep in a suitcase where it would not have been easy to find. It was just GONE. Cops didn’t do anything. Didn’t even come to take my statement. Cleaning lady said she thought she saw an elderly man enter my room. The guy I was with was not sympathetic in the least. Entire situation was f**ked. I’m still so upset about it."
– MaritimeDisaster
Lone Shark
"My plastic shark toy I lost when I was 10. Ain't no f'king way it just VANISHED."
– Guilty_As_Charged__
Not everything lost is tangible.
Tick Tock
"The time I wasted."
– shinyfennec
It Holds Value
"My private key with 6 BTC in it."
– Significant_Mirror19
"I didn't lose one, but I'll check my room for yours just in case."
– Smodphan
Finding Purpose
"The reason I walked into the room."
– Lloyd_lyle
Lost Opportunity
"That one girl i spoke to on omegle lol"
– h-amishh
If only we get to reunite with those we've lost.
The Loved Family Member
"My grandpa."
– Splatty_boi_420
Grieving Parent
"My daughter. She’ll be in my brother’s arms. So I’ll find both things I care to look for."
– SeeTheFence
Missing Mom
"My mom. She died of cancer in 2017. She never got to meet my daughter. I miss the hell out of her and wish she was still part of my family’s life."
– X-Arkturis-X
The Animals That Come Into Our Lives
"My pets that have passed: especially my horse, Blue. It's been 4 years, but it feels like just yesterday."
– Baciandrio
While many of these scenarios are unlikely, the thread gave people an opportunity to reflect on the things that made a strong impression on their lives.
Sometimes, the memories of the things we've lost–whether they are random objects or sources of love–is all we have.
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What's worse than returning home from a night out or a workday and discovering your home was broken into? Being home when the break-in happens.
Home invasions are a common trope portrayed in horror films like The Strangers and Funny Games, and they're absolutely terrifying because they are based on real-life incidents.
Redditor silentagent47 asked strangers to consider this horrifying hypothetical.
"You have 5 minutes to prepare before a guy breaks into your house with the intention to kill you. You can not exit your house. What is your strategy to survive?"
The hunter becomes the hunted, inspired by TV and movies.
Duplicating A Scene
"There was an episode of Burn Notice where Michael puts aerosol cans in the microwave with kitchen utensils and hits popcorn button. I really want to know if this works or not."
– JohnSterlingSanchez
Epic Burglar Trap
"Speed-watch Home Alone."
– pluribusduim
It's about the choice of weapon.
Jump Scare
"I get the vacuum cleaner ready in a certain room, I turn it on as hes about to enter to create a distraction, then I jump out when he's inspecting the noise and bonk the f'ker on the head with the piece of 2 inch steel tube I keep as a weapon."
– BustedBastard
Beware of Dog
"Unleash the Hounds"
– myassonreddit
Make A Weapon
"Duct tape a bunch of knives to the end of one of those tall lamps to make a spear of blinding and then proceed to go sicko mode."
– DubTheeBustocles
Preparing For A Thwack
"Turn shower on, for some reason I have a shovel behind my wardrobe?? So grab that. Wait for him to check shower, whack with shovel. Boom."
– hypersp00p
It's Just A Game
"Corner camp with a shotgun."
– Arrow3619
A Warm Welcome
"Hairspray and a lighter to his face."
– WorkingClassSheep
The effectiveness of these tactics are questionable, but points for creativity are warranted.
Stand Still
"Put a lamp shade on my head and stand in the corner of the room."
– Cannabis_Sir
Make It Erotic
"I turn on all the lights, take off all my clothes, rub butter all over myself, and start a fake conversation on the phone. As soon as he breaks in I say into the phone: 'I’ve gotta go, my next appointment is finally here…”
– FrankieTheAlchemist
Forget The Stairs
"Go to the LIVING ROOM."
– on-oath-never-again
Removing The Element Of Fun
"Draw an X on my forehead and grab a beer."
– Candycoatedmuffin3
And that's why I would opt for living in a commune or apartment complex.
People who own houses are just asking for forced entry.
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