Anonymous People Reveal The Dumbest Lie They Ever Told That Someone Actually Believed
Did anybody believe it? It's natural for humans to lie to keep themselves out of trouble. It's an easy solution. Whether you're late for curfew, late on a paper, whatever-you've found the perfect excuse. Or not....
NineFeetUnderground asked Reddit:
And started out the lie parade with:
My German teacher was German, so if you corrected her English as a naive speaker, she'd just believe you and change her English accordingly.
For example, "Piece of paper? Don't you mean a slice of paper Miss?"
"Ah yes, of course, get yourself a slice of paper"
But the best was one day when we were doing advanced animal names in German. Someone asked her if there was an equivalent for the male names of certain animals like we have in English i.e. Tomcat, Billygoat, Jack Deer, etc.
Turned out she'd never hear any of those 3 before so I 'taught' her a whole list of fictional English Male Animal names varying from Boris Badger & Henry Hedgehog to Roger Turkey & Oliver Otter. Kudos to the class who backed up my deadpan delivery and laughed about it afterwards.
I thought nothing of it, but she took the list home & learnt every single one.
I got pulled out of the middle of a class 2 years later completely out of the blue and was given an absolute bollocking. Turned out she'd tried teaching the list to her class of 11 year olds who'd laughed her out of the class...
I convinced two colleagues that in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Taco Bell was selling tacos with pink taco shells, but in order to get them, you had to specifically ask for pink tacos.
Both of them went to Taco Bell, separately, and both of them returned to work screaming at me for making fools of them.
during a high school auditorium lecture on drugs, the lecturers on stage asked for questions. i raised my hand, and when called upon i asked, with my best pokerface, 'why do you get high when you eat three bananas and then drink a can of sprite really fast?' the lecturer had obviously never heard of that before, and i started hearing all around me 'does that work?. the answer to that is, you won't get high, but you will vomit.
needless to say, i had people coming up to me all day telling me that people have been throwing up all over the place. that s*** still makes me laugh
Convinced my friend that doing a headstand would get rid of her hangover. Nope.
That I was a professional bowler.
My entire class believed me.
When a peer asked why I gave it up to study, I looked them in the eye and told them "it gave up on me."
My dad bought a Prius when they first came out--the original one--and three of my friends had no clue what kind of car it was, so I told them that it had rockets instead of exhaust. Whenever my dad came to pick me up, they'd ask him to use the rockets. After we'd leave, he'd give a look like, "Son, you need to find some new friends."
I convinced my little sister that macaroni shells had hermit crabs living in them. She believed me for years. Even though shes older and knows it's a lie, she still can't eat macaroni shells.
Let's Get Down To Business
Half-Asian. I told a girl in college that I was a Hun.
"No, really! We had to retreat after the barbarian wars to a little valley in Romania. My parents came here in the 70s because Huns are discriminated against."
It just kept going and going. She asked everything about Hunnish ways. I talked about how I had to go hunting on my 8th birthday and drink the blood, the ruinously expensive village reunions for every wedding, the sword I had to leave at home because the dorm wouldn't let me bring it.
When I was in college I was an orientation leader for new international students (I was the only American in the group). At some event everyone was introducing themselves and where they were from. I picked a country at random and jokingly announced that I was from Finland. I didn't realize that this girl took me seriously until months later when she introduced me to someone else as an international student from Finland.
How Did This Get Believed
I convinced my good friend of 3 years that I weigh 250 lbs due to an incredibly rare bone density disease. Note: I'm 5'5" and actually weigh 135.
The Hazard Bird
My dad drove me and my little brother to the store and left us there while he went to get groceries. I was about twelve at the time, and my brother was about seven. We were both bored, playing I Spy in the parking lot and all, and my brother wanted to know what the hazard light on the car dashboard meant.
I told him that if he hit the hazard button, the Hazard Bird would come down from its roost and snatch him up and carry him away. I also told him that he could never bring this up to our father, because he'd lost a grandfather to the Hazard Bird, and was very sensitive to mentions of the Hazard Bird. My brother acted very careful to never mention the Hazard Bird when our dad got back in the car. He even looked kind of haunted.
My brother came to me last year and told me he'd figured out the whole Hazard Bird thing was a lie.
He was sixteen.
For about 10 glorious seconds, I made my girlfriend believe that Canada was named after the Geese.
You see, there are Canada geese in Europe, so I told that they'd always been called that, and they'd always been around.
Once explorers found Canada, the only thing they saw that looked familiar, were the geese, so of course they would name the new land after these geese, that were so like the ones found at home.
When I was in grade 2 there was a vicious bully in grade 5 who picked on me for no good reason. I came up with a plan to deal with him that sounds really ridiculous but it was pretty ingenious for a 7 year old kid. I intentionally peed my pants during recess and then told a teacher that this kid had urinated on me. Needless to say this got way out of hand and the principal expelled the kid. I didn't speak up because I didn't want to get in trouble so I went through with my lie. Plus I was secretly pleased that he got kicked out of school. It sounds pretty horrible but this kid was probably the most vicious adversary I've ever had.
Liquored Up Lies
That if you were drinking beer and you got really drunk, and then switched to spirits, the spirits would then 'reset' your drunkeness level because they were a different sort of thing.
That ended badly. Hilarious though.
I convinced my younger brother that the Discovery Channel was putting out a new reality show that was to be a companion to "Deadliest Catch" called "The Deadliest Harvest," where they chronicled the dangers and horrors of harvesting iceberg lettuce... from the icebergs they grow on.
That Glue Thing
In school I used to really like spreading Elmer's glue on my hand, letting it dry, and then peeling it off. (Who am I kidding...I still like doing this.) Anyway, one time a friend saw me peeling off the dried glue and asked me why my skin was peeling off. I told him it was a side-effect of being vegetarian. He believed me...we were in high school...
So one summer day, I go visit my Mexican aunt (my dad is Mexican, mom is white) who always gives me food to bring home to my family whenever I stop by. On this particular day, she gave me some home made salsa along with some sugar cookies. So I bring said salsa and cookies home and as I walk in the door my mom sees and asks, "watcha got there?"
I tell her for no reason at all, "these Mexican sugar cookies that you're supposed to eat with this salsa... weird right? It's some Mexican specialty."
"Oh goodie! Sounds exciting." She proceeds to grab a spoon, cookie and the salsa, pours a dab onto the cookie and is about to eat it. At this point I make the swift and decisive decision not to tell her I was kidding. She chewed and swallowed the whole thing, bless her soul. Needless to say, it did not taste good but she chalked it up as an acquired taste and to this day she doesn't know that the cookies and salsa were meant to be deliciously enjoyed apart from one another.
I also once convinced her a soccer field is a mile long.
Nobody Is Actually From Greenland
I managed to convince this girl I was originally from Greenland (I'm actually from Haiti). I just went on and on for like 20 minutes talking about how rough the winters were, and how my family finally decided to leave due to my grandfather's traumatic death.
So my grandfather was a hunter, so he'd go out fairly often, and, as any good Greenlander knows, we've got quite the problem with wolverines in Greenland. One snowy January night my grandfather was out when he heard a pack of wolverines. Being the outdoorsman that he was, he didn't panic, and calmly edged back towards our home. As he turned to go, the largest wolverine he'd ever seen stalked out towards him. After struggling with this beast for a while, he lost his left hand to animal's teeth. He managed to make it home alright, but the animal had the taste of man, and he was hungry for some more.
A year later, grandpa went out hunting, and he met the giant of a wolverine again, in the ensuing scuffle, he lost his gun, and suffered many wounds before dealing a fatal blow to his foe. The rest of the pack was scared off once my grandpa managed to reclaim his gun after the fight. So then he passed out from blood loss and froze to death, and was later eaten by the pack like a grand-sickle.
She actually believed me, too. She was one of the nicest people I know, so I felt bad and couldn't keep it up for long, but for about a week she believed I was Greenlandish and had lost my grandfather in a traumatic and badass way.
I had moved, as a 16-year-old Junior, from Alaska to California at the end of my Junior year. My new teachers, of course, decided to introduce me as "MizRenee from Alaska," and encouraged questions from my new classmates. To my abject horror, most of them were from purportedly intelligent students asking things like "did you have blow-dryers, curling irons, electricity, etc.," and the ever-popular "did you live in an igloo." I finally couldn't take it anymore, so when the igloo question popped up? I quite seriously looked at the class and said, "of course we lived in an igloo - a two-story one in fact, and the dog-sled igloo was attached too. Unfortunately, we turned the whale-oil heater up too high, and it melted both igloos, and, because it's April, the snow's no good this time of year for building another one, which is why I've moved down here."
I was appalled when Every. Single. Person. - including the teacher - believed me. No questions asked.
Second or third time I met her, I convinced the lady I am now dating that there really are blue raspberries. They grow in Cambodia, but you don't see them ever, because they spoil so fast that they have to be juiced right away, similar to guavas.
I came up with this on the spot when she asked if I "knew any interesting facts". After a little bit, I confessed there are no real blue raspberries and she punched me in the stomach. We'll have been dating for three years at the end of this month.
A good chunk of humanity have a hard time hearing certain truths. We don't want to admit what isn't working, because it's just human nature to be scared of being wrong. It's hard to admit weakness individually, much less as a whole.
But eventually, we need to face the facts, and these Redditors are ready to deliver the harsh truths about what it means to be human. SomeWillingness2960 asked:
What is the truth humanity is not ready to hear?
Let’s start with a few of the light ones, before we dive deep in what we’ve been overdue to hear.
Starting off with a very controversial one.
“The air in chip bags is important.”
“They replace the air (which contains oxygen and water vapour) with nitrogen so the chips don't get soggy or oxidise.”
“And they "over inflate" the bags on purpose to cushion the chips from crumbling during packing / transport.”
A universal work struggle.season 8 episode 23 GIFGiphy
“No matter where you work, or what you do for a living, there will always be That Person that nobody can figure out how they got hired, never mind why they are allowed to continue working there.”
- You actually show up on time
- Your work is
good/up to standardis not the worst and passable
- Your colleagues and bosses
like youdon't hate you the most out of your colleagues
Edit. Adding 4 and 5 based on below discussions which can supercede the above 3 while also ammending the above three slightly
4. It's more difficult to kick you out than to keep you
5. You have some control over those in charge (some kind of relation, having some kind of incriminating evidence, etc)”
What is “normal”, anyway?
“We will never have a good sense of the world's "normal."
News won't focus on it, because it's boring by definition. Social media won't focus on it for the same reason. Word of mouth and fiction too. Statistics may get us close, but they're hard to picture in terms if human experience, and of course, more exciting stats get repeated more.
Our view of the world outside of our own personal experience will always be shaped by the outliers, and there's not much way around it.”
Ok, now it’s time to dive deeper. Prepare yourselves.
This one hurts.
“Most people simply don't care about the things you're passionate about no matter how much you try to convince them that they should be.”
“As I've gotten older I've had to learn that my friends don't find joy in the same things I do. It's nothing personal.”
I’ll never understand this.Mermaid Man And Barnacle Boy Superhero GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy
“Much evil not only goes unpunished but is rewarded.”
“Not only that but a lot of evil behaviour is rewarding itself for many people.”
“The loudest among you are mostly a bunch of wankers. Unfortunately you usually let them lead you.”
“A big part of that is because they tell us what we want to hear.
You ever hear a politician go "We're going to have open borders, lower corporate tax rate, higher sales tax, reduced prison sentences, laws forbidding employers from looking into if they're hiring a criminal, a ban on beef, and we're doing it all because that is what the experts say we should do and I have a giant book of sources on that"? No, because even though that's very much what experts advise, it's not at all what people want to hear.
So instead, when you hear someone going "Don't listen to that guy, what we really need is better border control, huge taxes on corporations, no taxes on the poor, criminals get treated like the scum they are, and corporations are the main ones behind climate change, and don't ask me for sources", you're still much more likely to support him. Because when you want to believe them, they're so much easier to believe.”
Those would be some very smart monkeys.
“There's a good chance that humans simply don't have the capacity to fully understand the universe.
A monkey will never be able to comprehend calculus, macroeconomic theory, or how a car works. It makes sense that we too have an intellectual ceiling that will prevent us from ever understanding how the universe works.”
Ready to face the music? Keep reading.
“Humanity is the largest threat to itself. Not some natural disaster or outside invasion. We will kill ourselves off at this rate.”
“Yes. It's sad that the most successful and intelligent species in the solar system is most likely going to cause its own downfall.”
“For most people the last thing left of them will be an eroded name on a headstone.”
“I want to be one of those taxidermied drones.”
Username checks out.
“Are you special? Maybe a little bit. Are you as special as you think you are? Certainly not.”
“We are all the same decaying organic matter.”
Well, I hope y’all aren’t too messed up from reading that. Especially that first one about the chip bags. How dare they.
But in all seriousness, just do your part to make our world a better place. That’s all we can do.
An overwhelming majority of us have plenty of things we are annoyed by every single day, and also lack the power to doing anything about them.
That unfortunate, infuriating state is just the norm. We walk through life seeing, hearing, and enduring daily pitfalls whose existences make zero sense to us.
But if we did have the power to outlaw just one of those annoyances, how hard of a choice would that be?
Apparently for some Redditors, the choice was clear. They were happy to share their selection.
Redditor jinxy_wolfy asked:
"What would you ban?"
Many people have absolutely had it with the annoying aspects of using the internet every day.
"That damn fake 'x' button to close out mobile game adds" -- WebbedRose103
"Or when it's a real x button, but they make it so small that you click the ad anyway." -- tomuglycruise
"That and the moving button that makes you click on ads as it loads more and more ads." -- Maester_erryk
Others spoke specifically about the world of advertising and constantly encountering people trying to sell something. The lengths they'll go are endless.
"You're no longer allowed to advertise a lower price than what the customer will pay. No more $29.99... plus $100 in fees."
"Calling someone you don't know to solicit. I get 12+ calls a day and block each one and still get 12 more the next day. I'll hang up on them because they're calling while I'm using GPS and they'll just immediately call and interrupt the map again."
Glue and Plastic
"selling food that looks significantly different in person than it does in advertising/food glamour shots." -- skepticones
"This is why I like eating out in Japan. There are plastic examples of dishes in the front window. If something looks good, you go in and ask for it, and it matches the one in the window every time!" -- EmEmPeriwinkle
And others set their sights on the toxic elements of human culture that seem to make everyone worse off.
All About Context
"Too many loopholes in current law. For instance Dr. Oz would lose his medical license if he told a patient in his office the same things he says on TV. But broadcasts aren't technically doctor-patient relationships, so he gets away with misleading millions of people."
"Puppy mills" -- godhasmoreaids
"Backyard breeders too imo. I see a lot of poorly bred dogs who have major issues because a family wants a payday." -- EmEmPeriwenkle
Poor All Other Animals
"MarineLand and all zoos that mistreat their animals."
Genuine nature preserves that respect and care for their animals, with lots and lots of room, hey, more power to you. But establishments that keep animals as exhibits in tiny spaces have to be stopped."
"Child beauty pageants, just fu** off with that sh**" -- Russian_Terminator
"Yes. It is disgusting to see little girls caked with makeup parading around in adult clothing.Gross." -- glenarbourgal
Of course, none of us will get the chance to ban any of these things. But we can dream, can't we?
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
From our childhood through our adult years, one thing we all dream of from time to time is all the things we could do if we had unlimited resources. Buy a castle and become your own anti-hero, solve world hunger, adopt ALL the animals, live on an endless cruise around the world, heck, buy a whole political party *cough cough*.
Most of us would be content making sure our family and friends were set for life and bettering the world the best we can.
Redditor ApArAmY wanted to hear what everyone else dreamed of doing if they had no limit on funds.
“What is the first thing you would buy if you had infinite money?"
Dreaming of affordable health care? Must be from the US...
“Every single medical provider facility in the world. Make healthcare free for patients. Since I have unlimited money, I can afford whatever drug/device/material/salary/etc that would treat patients.”
“Then everyone can get on with living life knowing that they'll get good medicine and not be saddled with high costs. And taxes could go down because governments wouldn't have to pay for healthcare.” Specialist-Ad475
20 trillion, no big deal...
“I'd fund all efforts to further the fight against climate change, global warming, pollution, etc. I'd probably try not to spend that much money for a while so as to prevent inflation, but adding ~20 trillion dollars to the global economy wouldn't be that bad, right?” PixelGMS
The orange one wouldn't like this idea...
“I'd buy Mar a Lago, make it into a homeless shelter and install wind power turbines on all 18 holes." Mr-Warmth
Someone come get their dad!
“A new butt, my old one has a crack in it!" drewdwagy1966seth meyers dabbing GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
Human rights and green energy...
“Buy Amazon, Nestle, and as many $1billion+ corporations as I can. Once I'm CEO, I would stop every human rights violation they cause and give all the profits (since i have infinite money I won't need it) to charities and funding to green energy and stopping climate change." crispier_cream
“It sounds silly, but an ice cream sandwich. Several years ago, I was living paycheck to paycheck and had a fair amount of credit card debt. I fell behind in my mortgage and lost my home to foreclosure. Shortly after I was notified, I drove over to a 7-11, bought an ice cream sandwich, and ate it while crying in my car.”
“Unfortunately, every time I eat an ice cream sandwich, it's still a bittersweet feeling. I always think of the day my favorite childhood comfort food became forever intertwined with my sense of complete and utter failure. After coming into life-changing money, I would hope that an ice cream sandwich would taste as good again as it did when I was a kid.” Steve-in-rewrite
“Just….. a huge chunk of land.”
“Land. Just….. a huge chunk of land. Build a house for my parents, one for us, and one for my In-Laws, and another small house for the family to stay at when they come to visit. Maybe two. We got a big family. And then just spend my time building my farm." Unusual_Amphibian_20
Just make sure to funnel it through a PAC first...
“A US Senator! Or several of 'em. I've always wanted my own senator.” a_dangerous_noodleSusan Collins Thank You GIF by Election 2020Giphy
The who’s got a bigger one game...
“Judging by the world we live in, apparently I'd enter into the private space race.” Cool-breeze7
Back to the bartering system perhaps?
“I would distribute it all evenly so that it's literally worthless. I would expect this to collapse the economy but what do i know, I'm not an economist.” Jham_jam
It seems like mostly these Redditors want to help others and the planet. Although for that one person, may all your ice cream sandwiches be delightful.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
I admit that I am not a picky eater by any stretch of the imagination. I eat just about anything. I also consider myself pretty adventurous; when I travel, eating good food and trying the local cuisine is at the top of my list!
But even I would be hard-pressed to eat durian or even balut.
Would I say absolutely not? I'll have to get back to you after a trip to Southeast Asia. The jury's out for now.
People had very strong opinions on the food they want nothing to do with after Redditor KentuckyFriedEel asked the online community,
"What dish/food can f*** right off?"
"The edible KFC nail polish. Imagine you are spending the day touching public door handles and keyboards and stuff and then sucking your fingers for chicken paint."
This... this exists?
I'm so happy I've never actually run into this. I was doing just fine without this knowledge.
"Canned whole chickens. Not sure if anyone's seen those, but I want to vomit right now just thinking about it."
I can only think about how slimy it must be from all that congealed fat and it grosses me out.
"Pufferfish. I mean, you need like 2 to 3 years of training to serve it and if you accidentally eat the wrong part it will kill you. The poison has no known antidote and 1 needle can kill 30 adult humans. Other than that, it's just a fish. There are thousands of fish all over the world, just eat a different one"
Yeah... I love seafood but I'll pass. I don't want to be that person. I'm good, thanks!
"For those who aren't familiar..."
"Gefilte fish. For those who aren't familiar, it's like a ball of fish guts packaged in a jar. It's a common food eaten during Pesach."
"Shark fin soup. No taste, no nutritional value. Only to be had to show wealth/status in certain countries. Most importantly, it's really f***** up the shark populations."
Environmentalists have done some splendid work getting people to stop eating this––and imitation shark fin soup seems to be more available than the real thing.
God created the heavens and the earth, and everything in his creation.
He allowed Satan to create one thing... one at all, and Satan created the durian."
"Natto/fermented soybeans. It's sticky and disgusting. It's like Death and Hell had a sticky baby."
"I'm sick of people..."
"Celery. Useless vegetable, no nutritional value at all and just tastes disgusting. I'm sick of people ruining perfectly good egg/potato salads and soups with freaking celery. It's just unnecessary."
Celery's only crime is how inoffensive it actually is. Does it deserve this hate? Probably not.
"Liver. I mean... it's a filter. Why would anyone want to eat a filter?"
You can pry my liver out of my cold, dead hands. I'll have yours if you don't want it!
"I thought I hated..."
"Canned Spinach. I thought I hated spinach for half my life. Nope, I love it, just not that snot in a can. Why did you feed me that mother? Why?"
Okay, what I've learned today is... I could have done without the thought of canned whole chicken. My stomach wants to reject it and it's not even in my stomach. That should tell you something.
Have some opinions of your own? Feel free to tell us all about them in the comments below!
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.