Anonymous People Reveal The Dumbest Lie They Ever Told That Someone Actually Believed
Did anybody believe it? It's natural for humans to lie to keep themselves out of trouble. It's an easy solution. Whether you're late for curfew, late on a paper, whatever-you've found the perfect excuse. Or not....
NineFeetUnderground asked Reddit:
And started out the lie parade with:
My German teacher was German, so if you corrected her English as a naive speaker, she'd just believe you and change her English accordingly.
For example, "Piece of paper? Don't you mean a slice of paper Miss?"
"Ah yes, of course, get yourself a slice of paper"
But the best was one day when we were doing advanced animal names in German. Someone asked her if there was an equivalent for the male names of certain animals like we have in English i.e. Tomcat, Billygoat, Jack Deer, etc.
Turned out she'd never hear any of those 3 before so I 'taught' her a whole list of fictional English Male Animal names varying from Boris Badger & Henry Hedgehog to Roger Turkey & Oliver Otter. Kudos to the class who backed up my deadpan delivery and laughed about it afterwards.
I thought nothing of it, but she took the list home & learnt every single one.
I got pulled out of the middle of a class 2 years later completely out of the blue and was given an absolute bollocking. Turned out she'd tried teaching the list to her class of 11 year olds who'd laughed her out of the class...
I convinced two colleagues that in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Taco Bell was selling tacos with pink taco shells, but in order to get them, you had to specifically ask for pink tacos.
Both of them went to Taco Bell, separately, and both of them returned to work screaming at me for making fools of them.
during a high school auditorium lecture on drugs, the lecturers on stage asked for questions. i raised my hand, and when called upon i asked, with my best pokerface, 'why do you get high when you eat three bananas and then drink a can of sprite really fast?' the lecturer had obviously never heard of that before, and i started hearing all around me 'does that work?. the answer to that is, you won't get high, but you will vomit.
needless to say, i had people coming up to me all day telling me that people have been throwing up all over the place. that s*** still makes me laugh
Convinced my friend that doing a headstand would get rid of her hangover. Nope.
That I was a professional bowler.
My entire class believed me.
When a peer asked why I gave it up to study, I looked them in the eye and told them "it gave up on me."
My dad bought a Prius when they first came out--the original one--and three of my friends had no clue what kind of car it was, so I told them that it had rockets instead of exhaust. Whenever my dad came to pick me up, they'd ask him to use the rockets. After we'd leave, he'd give a look like, "Son, you need to find some new friends."
I convinced my little sister that macaroni shells had hermit crabs living in them. She believed me for years. Even though shes older and knows it's a lie, she still can't eat macaroni shells.
Let's Get Down To Business
Half-Asian. I told a girl in college that I was a Hun.
"No, really! We had to retreat after the barbarian wars to a little valley in Romania. My parents came here in the 70s because Huns are discriminated against."
It just kept going and going. She asked everything about Hunnish ways. I talked about how I had to go hunting on my 8th birthday and drink the blood, the ruinously expensive village reunions for every wedding, the sword I had to leave at home because the dorm wouldn't let me bring it.
When I was in college I was an orientation leader for new international students (I was the only American in the group). At some event everyone was introducing themselves and where they were from. I picked a country at random and jokingly announced that I was from Finland. I didn't realize that this girl took me seriously until months later when she introduced me to someone else as an international student from Finland.
How Did This Get Believed
I convinced my good friend of 3 years that I weigh 250 lbs due to an incredibly rare bone density disease. Note: I'm 5'5" and actually weigh 135.
The Hazard Bird
My dad drove me and my little brother to the store and left us there while he went to get groceries. I was about twelve at the time, and my brother was about seven. We were both bored, playing I Spy in the parking lot and all, and my brother wanted to know what the hazard light on the car dashboard meant.
I told him that if he hit the hazard button, the Hazard Bird would come down from its roost and snatch him up and carry him away. I also told him that he could never bring this up to our father, because he'd lost a grandfather to the Hazard Bird, and was very sensitive to mentions of the Hazard Bird. My brother acted very careful to never mention the Hazard Bird when our dad got back in the car. He even looked kind of haunted.
My brother came to me last year and told me he'd figured out the whole Hazard Bird thing was a lie.
He was sixteen.
For about 10 glorious seconds, I made my girlfriend believe that Canada was named after the Geese.
You see, there are Canada geese in Europe, so I told that they'd always been called that, and they'd always been around.
Once explorers found Canada, the only thing they saw that looked familiar, were the geese, so of course they would name the new land after these geese, that were so like the ones found at home.
When I was in grade 2 there was a vicious bully in grade 5 who picked on me for no good reason. I came up with a plan to deal with him that sounds really ridiculous but it was pretty ingenious for a 7 year old kid. I intentionally peed my pants during recess and then told a teacher that this kid had urinated on me. Needless to say this got way out of hand and the principal expelled the kid. I didn't speak up because I didn't want to get in trouble so I went through with my lie. Plus I was secretly pleased that he got kicked out of school. It sounds pretty horrible but this kid was probably the most vicious adversary I've ever had.
Liquored Up Lies
That if you were drinking beer and you got really drunk, and then switched to spirits, the spirits would then 'reset' your drunkeness level because they were a different sort of thing.
That ended badly. Hilarious though.
I convinced my younger brother that the Discovery Channel was putting out a new reality show that was to be a companion to "Deadliest Catch" called "The Deadliest Harvest," where they chronicled the dangers and horrors of harvesting iceberg lettuce... from the icebergs they grow on.
That Glue Thing
In school I used to really like spreading Elmer's glue on my hand, letting it dry, and then peeling it off. (Who am I kidding...I still like doing this.) Anyway, one time a friend saw me peeling off the dried glue and asked me why my skin was peeling off. I told him it was a side-effect of being vegetarian. He believed me...we were in high school...
So one summer day, I go visit my Mexican aunt (my dad is Mexican, mom is white) who always gives me food to bring home to my family whenever I stop by. On this particular day, she gave me some home made salsa along with some sugar cookies. So I bring said salsa and cookies home and as I walk in the door my mom sees and asks, "watcha got there?"
I tell her for no reason at all, "these Mexican sugar cookies that you're supposed to eat with this salsa... weird right? It's some Mexican specialty."
"Oh goodie! Sounds exciting." She proceeds to grab a spoon, cookie and the salsa, pours a dab onto the cookie and is about to eat it. At this point I make the swift and decisive decision not to tell her I was kidding. She chewed and swallowed the whole thing, bless her soul. Needless to say, it did not taste good but she chalked it up as an acquired taste and to this day she doesn't know that the cookies and salsa were meant to be deliciously enjoyed apart from one another.
I also once convinced her a soccer field is a mile long.
Nobody Is Actually From Greenland
I managed to convince this girl I was originally from Greenland (I'm actually from Haiti). I just went on and on for like 20 minutes talking about how rough the winters were, and how my family finally decided to leave due to my grandfather's traumatic death.
So my grandfather was a hunter, so he'd go out fairly often, and, as any good Greenlander knows, we've got quite the problem with wolverines in Greenland. One snowy January night my grandfather was out when he heard a pack of wolverines. Being the outdoorsman that he was, he didn't panic, and calmly edged back towards our home. As he turned to go, the largest wolverine he'd ever seen stalked out towards him. After struggling with this beast for a while, he lost his left hand to animal's teeth. He managed to make it home alright, but the animal had the taste of man, and he was hungry for some more.
A year later, grandpa went out hunting, and he met the giant of a wolverine again, in the ensuing scuffle, he lost his gun, and suffered many wounds before dealing a fatal blow to his foe. The rest of the pack was scared off once my grandpa managed to reclaim his gun after the fight. So then he passed out from blood loss and froze to death, and was later eaten by the pack like a grand-sickle.
She actually believed me, too. She was one of the nicest people I know, so I felt bad and couldn't keep it up for long, but for about a week she believed I was Greenlandish and had lost my grandfather in a traumatic and badass way.
I had moved, as a 16-year-old Junior, from Alaska to California at the end of my Junior year. My new teachers, of course, decided to introduce me as "MizRenee from Alaska," and encouraged questions from my new classmates. To my abject horror, most of them were from purportedly intelligent students asking things like "did you have blow-dryers, curling irons, electricity, etc.," and the ever-popular "did you live in an igloo." I finally couldn't take it anymore, so when the igloo question popped up? I quite seriously looked at the class and said, "of course we lived in an igloo - a two-story one in fact, and the dog-sled igloo was attached too. Unfortunately, we turned the whale-oil heater up too high, and it melted both igloos, and, because it's April, the snow's no good this time of year for building another one, which is why I've moved down here."
I was appalled when Every. Single. Person. - including the teacher - believed me. No questions asked.
Second or third time I met her, I convinced the lady I am now dating that there really are blue raspberries. They grow in Cambodia, but you don't see them ever, because they spoil so fast that they have to be juiced right away, similar to guavas.
I came up with this on the spot when she asked if I "knew any interesting facts". After a little bit, I confessed there are no real blue raspberries and she punched me in the stomach. We'll have been dating for three years at the end of this month.
Love is crazy. I've finally come to that conclusion. And marriage, you take your life in your hands and just throw caution to the wind in hopes of survival with that step.
When love falls apart, things can get real messy, real fast. And I've always been stunned by people's behavior when love subsides.
More often than not, it's like they become different people. Sometimes people are beset by tragedy and grief and sometimes people smile wide and move on. It's a coin toss.
But my favorite post divorce personality has to be the sudden super villain. Oh honey watch out for them!
Redditor u/hyperyog wanted to hear all the tea from the divorcees out there by asking:
Divorced Redditors, what is the craziest thing you or your former spouse did after divorce?
I once had a friend who burned her ex's house down when he wasn't home. He had started seeing someone almost immediately, so she thought, lemme set their sparks. Yeah, she wasn't well. Whatever happened to just a quick goodbye?
Swipeddean winters crying GIF by MayhemGiphy
"She removed the retaining clips for my windshield wipers, but put the wipers back on the arms. First storm after I got my car back from her, driver side wiper flew off the car on Interstate 40. Good times."
"He wrote suicide notes and put them in my kids backpacks for them/me to find. Then he turned off his phone and went to a coworkers house to play crib and have drinks.. all the while knowing I would be freaking out searching for him thinking he was in danger or worse. Thankfully my kids didn't see the notes and didn't know what was going on. This was just one of the many, many crazy things he did. Two years out and he just recently stopped showing up at my work and driving by my house at night."
A Sad End
"Died of a drug overdose. To be fair, her drug addiction was the reason for the divorce, so maybe that isn't too crazy."
"That's so incredibly difficult to have gone through. I unfortunately know the depths of this kind of pain, and while I'm sure the circumstances surrounding it are different, the loss that still happened is a tragedy. My condolences."
"Stalked me for 5 years. Would make fake social media profiles to try to follow me (which I would block endlessly) and would try to find where I worked so she could talk to me. This lady cheated on me with 7 different men 2 months after we were married. I kicked her a** to the curb and made her sign the court papers."
"When we had our day in court she cried in the judges office while I just wanted to get this crap done. After, my dad was with me and he threw 50 dollars at her and told her to "change your freaking last name." Good guy Pops. I haven't seen or heard from her in about 5 years, thank goodness."
Take it All!skin care spinning GIF by Primal Life OrganicsGiphy
"I had an ex-boyfriend go through my apartment and take back every gift he had given me that he could find. Then he went in my bedside table and took the condoms. And the vibrator he had given me."
See now, when I'm out... I'm out! I don't want to see you, hear from you or know you. I wish you well in life, but please live it far from me. Anyone agree? Clearly not the people here. Let's continue...
For the Boybicycling father and son GIF by NETFLIXGiphy
"All I wanted was custody of my son, I gave her everything else except one of our cars. She fought me through 5 hearings, I won. She never came to see him again."
"My ex cheated on me the week my mom died in the hospital. She spent a year and a half trying to get in touch with me. She would call my old work and make fake accounts trying to message me on FB. It was insane. She later sends a certified letter explaining she was sorry that she did what she did and that she aborted our child."
"Wanted me to meet her somewhere so she could apologize face to face. She already married some other guy that she had children with and was still trying to get in touch with me. I never understood her."
"After years of telling me she wanted a child, that she wanted to be a mom, that her life's dream was to be a stay at home mom, she got pregnant with the first guy she slept with while we were getting divorced and put the kid up for adoption even before it was born. This was a long-standing thing with her, she always wanted something (car, house, dog, cat, marriage, etc) and the second she got it she immediately hated it."
"Called me and pretended he had been hit by a car while we were talking. He even tried to voice the crowd that had gathered around his "body." God-awful acting, but pretty funny listening to him try to mimic a woman's voice. Points for trying to be inclusive, I guess."
"I think he was trying to get me to re-live my trauma of being on the phone with a friend who actually HAD been hit by a car while we were talking. Too bad he didn't realize that hearing the real thing is worlds different than hearing a dumba** try to act it out."
"I was sending 600 dollars a month to support my daughter because she's the only thing I give a sh!t about. My ex texts me and tells me I need to be sending 1200 a month because she's broke and can't pay her bills and I should feel guilty about it. She left me for another guy while I was on deployment I told her to go screw herself--call my lawyer."
Pop OffTom Hanks Drinking GIF by The Good FilmsGiphy
"Took the sodas from the fridge as he walked out the door. Dumfounded."
See, I blame Alanis Morissette and her "Jagged Little Pill" album. All I'm going to say is... the secret song. I think she gave people ideas. (I love that song) Y'all, seek therapy if you can't shake people. When it's done, let it be done.
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Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay is highly regarded for his delicious plates, his ability to run a solid restaurant, and, let's face it, his stage presence.
He's also a foul-mouthed Brit who is all too willing to dismantle people's self-esteems and compare them to livestock animals.
Alas, as watching all reality television goes, we love to see the crashing and burning.
But what if the shoe was on the other foot? What if you were the one being torn into by the sailor of all chefs, Mr. Gordon Ramsay.
Wondering what horrible dishes were lurking in unknown kitchens all over the place, Redditor FalloutSl*t413 asked:
"What's something you made that was 100% delicious but Gordon Ramsay would slap you for anyway?"
Some people talked about those purely functional meals that are just perfect for piling on enough protein and calories to get through the day.
"My mom used to make us 'Volcanoes.' Mashed potatoes topped with ground beef with some ketchup. I still tear it up to this day."
Quick and Easy
"I make weeknight 'enchiladas.' "
"You stick frozen taquitos in a casserole dish and cover them with canned or frozen chili and cheese. Bake them until everything's hot, serve with a dollop of sour cream. They sound disgusting but they taste amazing, and they take like, five minutes to prep."
"I know it looks like, smells like, and probably tastes like cat food but potted meat sandwiches. Look, when you're poor as hell and you can make 3 sandwiches with one little can that cost like 20 cents, it's pretty good."
"While I'm at it, Treet and bologna are pretty great. I have the taste palette of a raccoon and I like it that way."
"When I was younger I would make this thing where it was a patty melded of:"
- "a can of tuna"
- "two eggs
"And I would eat that almost daily, pan-fried, for lunch. Just slap me now and lets get it over with."
Others shared the recipes they make to feel fancy despite being totally trashy.
A Nuanced Process
"I call them 'chicken puffs.' Some par-cooked chicken (white or dark meat, either works) with sauteed serrano peppers and onions and garlic."
"All wrapped in crescent roll dough in little balls (a bit smaller than a baseball), put in a casserole tray filled juuuuust above the top of the little dough balls with cream of roasted chicken soup. Baked to completion/safety."
"Overly indulgent and delicious."
A Famous Side
"I consistently make a box of pastaroni angel hair and herbs as a side with meals I prepare for people. EVERYONE always asks for the recipe LOL please don't tell my secret"
Just a Couple Additions
" 'Fancy Ramen' Ramen made normal. Don't mix seasoning. Drain water. Add Mayo. Then mix in seasoning. And Volia. A lot of people question it. Until they try it."
Others outlined the things they eat that combine some ingredients it may seem disgusting to mix together.
Throw An Egg On There
"Fu** it lasagna, alternating layers of bread and shredded cheese (your choice which, I use cheddar) then crack an egg on top and put it in the microwave. Old depression meal, but it still holds up."
Hard to Wrap Your Head Around
"As a kid I would eat a banana with a cheese slice. Haven't tried it in years but it might hold up" -- Send_it_to_me
"Let's not" -- Sea-Entertainer-4974
"When I was younger I would make toast with peanut butter on it, then add pepperoni. Delicious then but I cringe thinking about trying it today"
The truly horrifying thing? There are so many more recipes out there that would leave Ramsay trembling.
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People love to talk about food. There are blogs, books, television shows, conversations in bars and farmers markets. In all likelihood, there is a recipe swap happening right this second in some deep corner of a suburb somewhere.
But sometimes talk is a lot of hot air. And the topic of food sure isn't immune to that criticism.
You can't get through a day without some telling you what "you gotta try."
The problem is, talking about food is often far more exciting than the food itself.
Redditor anicaodha asked:
"What food is overhyped?"
Many people were angry about garnishes. They hated the way restaurants try to entice people to eat certain menu items by slapping some kitschy ingredient on there.
A Very Expensive Burger
"Anything with gold flakes, absolutely pointless." -- Spend_Total
"ugh, i just remembered throwing up gold flakes from goldschlager, yuck!" -- spaceygracie12
"Aka how to add a crunch to your dish like a douche." -- CakeBot_TheReckoning
Catches the Eye Though
"Any rainbow food, rainbow grilled cheese, rainbow smoothie..."
"Just a cheap money grab."
No Breath On My Meal Please
"Dragon's breath/ nitro puffs or any dessert that contains liquid nitrogen to make it look cool." -- throwjango
"This stuff exists? God, I'm out of the loop." -- -The-Magic-8-Ball
"Truffle oil, usually doesn't contain a single truffle." -- BlckontheMoon
"The 1 thing I love about Truffle oil is I've never seen someone use it on a cooking competition show and not lose." -- igotmadshirts
Some people talked about the big trends that they just never could quite figure out.
That Almighty Nectar
"Remember when people were treating Nutella like it was the second coming of Christ?" -- Grapezard
"I had an Italian friend once invite me to his birthday party in high school. His mom made a Nutella pie and it was one of the greatest desserts I've never had the pleasure of trying again. It was so simple, like a soft flaky dough covered with Nutella."
"I don't want to come out of the blue and ask this kid for his mom's recipe 15 years later so I'll just suffer I suppose." -- JupiterTarts
"Red velvet is literally a red chocolate cake that has nowhere near enough chocolate and to much red food coloring. It literally was invented when done dudes chocolate turned kinda red when he added vinegar to the chocolate cake mix."
"Friends loved the color, but it was finicky to get the red color without changing flavor of cake, so he decided to use red food coloring."
"Fu**ing Avocado Toast.
"Avocado is a buck. Toast is few cents. Avocado Toast is $10+"
And some discussed the things that people insist are fancy and delectable, but are really just run of the mill entirely.
Meat is Meat?
"steak is good, and I'd even say a high quality steak can be very very good. But people act like it's better than busting a nut and that's just not true. It's just meat"
"Lobster. It's good, but poor value given it's almost always the most expensive protein available."
"Plus most places just drown it in butter, which again, fine, but if all you taste is butter, why spend that much?"
Depends on the House
" 'Housemade' ketchup. Give me the damn Heinz and get your banana aoili mess away from me." -- peanutbutterallytime
"I live in Pittsburgh and I have seen multiple restaurants try and fail to make housemade ketchup work. Every single time they go back to Heinz." -- HooBoy401
So if you find yourself tired of hearing people go on and on about something you don't go wild over, know that there are others fuming too.
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It's not easy to always do the right thing.
Which is why most people don't usually do the right thing. Doing the right thing involves a lot of thought, empathy for others, and a self-awareness of your place in the world. You're not making a choice just for yourself, you're more often than not doing it for someone else. This, in itself, presents a difficult hill for most people to climb so, usually, they feel it's easier to make the selfish choice.
Doesn't mean people always do. They can surprise you sometimes.
*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm.
What's the hardest moral decision you've ever had to make?
Even when the choice amounts to something small, it can still matter to someone else.
How Dare You Make Me Morally Astute?!
"This is small potatoes compared to most of the people on this thread but many years ago I was travelling and had very little money. I went to a stall at a market, handed them a 10 dollar bill. Item cost 5 dollars but instead of handing me a five dollar note, the handed me a 50."
"I was walking away from the stall when noticed. My first thought was BONUS. But I had lately been hanging out with a bunch of people who were really into karma. So I stormed back to the stall, slammed the 50 down on the counter and told them off for making me make moral decisions. Lady behind the counter was like "ahhhhhh, thanks"
Didn't Believe The First Time, But Can't Deny Visual Evidence
"I told a co-worker his wife was cheating on him. It ruined our friendship for a good amount of time, until he caught her himself."
"To bad he couldn't just believe you."
Owning Up To The Mistake
"Fessing up to an error I made at work that cost the company 5k. I was a manager and misinterpreted a sales promotion. I almost lost my job, this is the one time that telling the truth actually saved me. It's true what they say that the cover up is usually worse than the crime. Lesson learned.."
Doing something morally correct when it comes to family can be tricky. On one hand, you don't want to ruffle the feathers of the people you're going to be related to for the rest of your life...which is how family works.
On the other hand, do the right thing.
Making The Best Call For Your Children
"Removing the mother of my two sons out of their lives completely as she was unfit and abusive while I was on deployment. They were 3-4 years old then and now they are 17 and 15 with their mother never attempting to come back into their lives which I would prefer at this point."
Because They're Going To Be Sad Later...
"My grandmother died, and I lied to my parents about it."
"My grandparents were 95 and my parents hadn't had a vacation in 30 years. So when she passed away with only 5 days remaining on their vacation, my family decided not to ruin it for them; instead, we'd plan the entire funeral and if my mother wanted to make adjustments when she returned, we'd arrange it for her; there was nothing they could do to get her back."
"Having to decide on the DNR (do not resuscitate) order for my father who had been victim to a massive stroke..."
"I know millions have done it before and millions will again but to me it was devastating....."
"As a health worker, you did the right thing by your father. I've come across families of patients who keep them alive for their own peace of mind while the patient themselves is tired and in alot of pain mentally and physically from the constant treatments and would rather rest from it all. Don't feel bad for your decision."
Never doubt your actions when it comes to protecting children.
"Calling CPS on a student's family after she begged me not to. CPS did an investigation and she was pissed at me for months until the vice principal had a talk with her and explained that I only did it because I care and didn't want her to get hurt."
"That VP is awesome. I sat in his office while he coached me through the call, since it was my first time calling CPS."
Standing Up For Your Friend, Even When No One Else Will
"I was in high school and my best friend was being bullied on the bus. She brought a knife to school and had previously mentioned a list of people. I cried a lot when I went to the principal to turn her in. I knew I was ruining her life but I wanted her to get help. I didn't want anyone to get hurt because we were all just kids. She was expelled and forced into therapy. We had been friends since we were 11."
"My mom listened on the phone line when I was trying to comfort my friend (while absolutely not admitting it was me) and my mom jumped on and told her I'm not allowed to be her friend anymore. I had told my mom I had turned her in and she had no empathy for this girl. Because I had been bullied and stood up for myself and never "did anything like that". My friend was getting cornered on the bus by 4 people whereas I was normally taunted in public and was lucky enough to always have an upperclassmen or school employee around to help me out. I felt guilty about turning her life upside down for many years but would do it again because she did get help."
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/