Divorces are never pretty, but hopefully all parties involved can come out the other end happy and ready for their next life's chapter. However, the reasoning for a divorce can oftentimes illuminate the horror and, sometimes, strangeness of these marriages more than spending an awkward evening with them at a cocktail party. Reddit user, r/KlyonneSpencer, wanted to question lawyers directly about the divorces when they asked:
Divorce lawyers of reddit, what is the most ridiculous reason your client filed divorce for?
This Actually Sound Wonderful
I had a client file for divorce because every morning his wife would ask him how he takes his coffee...for seven years.
Have You Played The Addams Family Machine?
He loved his pinball machine collection more than her.
Also it turns out some pin ball machines can be worth a sh-t load of money.
Literally The Worst
Divorce lawyer here. One client filed for divorce because he owed his bookie $70,000. He didn't want to leave his wife but he figured he would get half the house in the divorce, which was worth $700,000 and pay his debts. He had already blew through their life savings gambling. He was the worst guy.
2 Squares, Max
My boss just got divorced. His wife was telling people one of her reasons was the amount of toilet paper he used. She was a super coupon clipper thrifty lady and would listen when he went to the bathroom to see if he was using "too much tp"
Joey Doesn't Share FOOD!
Not a divorce lawyer, but was told of a client that filed for divorce with his wife because she kept eating his food
Digital Cheating
Lawyer here. One of mine that sticks out is that the husband and wife both played some sort of on-line role-playing game, sort of like the Sims I think but a little more elaborate and adult ('Second Life' maybe?). I don't know anything about online games.
The wife got heavily involved with the game, like 10 hours a day, and wouldn't reduce her time playing no matter what he said. What tipped things over the edge however was that he set up a fake profile/ avatar and went online to stalk her in the game and found her avatar having digital intercourse with some random guy's avatar.
Nothing ever happened in real life but that was enough for the guy to initiate a fairly acrimonious divorce.
...Is He The One Who Knocks?
Client said her husband was dealing meth...
...well technically "cooking" meth
She's Got It Going On
I'm not a lawyer but my brother is one who specialises in family law. He once had a case where the client was divorcing his wife because he was having an affair with his wife's mother.
Edit: People keep asking me if the wife's name is Stacy. I have no idea. This case happened in the UK, a few years ago I think.
Edit 2 Electric Boogaloo: I'm stupid and don't understand humour
Conversations Beyond The Grave
Not a lawyer, but did spend six months costing Legal Aid cases for solicitors in the early 90s. This included many divorces.
The most notable one was a woman divorcing her husband because he discovered he could talk to the dead on their honeymoon and then later spent all their money on spiritualist groups.
That wasn't what made it notable. During the divorce, the woman left the house. At some point her husband approached her and claimed that as he was letting the house fall into ruin, it would be better for both of them if he sold the house and split the proceeds with her. She agreed to this without consulting her solicitor.
A few weeks later the husband gave her £5. She asked what it was for. It was her share of the house. He'd sold it to his sister for £10 and kept living there. When she went to complain to her solicitors, she found they'd done the conveyancing for him. He'd deliberately used his wife's divorce solicitors and nobody at the firm had realised.
When The Kids Don't Interest You Anymore
Estates Paralegal here! Saw a divorce where the defendant stopped cooking, and when the petitioner gave the defendant money for food (80's, so was phrased as "housekeeping money"), the defendant would disappear for two weeks and play bingo. The defendant also 'Lost interest in the child"
The bingo comment and stopping cooking comment will forever be ingrained in my head.
Seems Like A Mighty Fine Reason To Stay Married
He kept making terrible Star Wars puns.
"Divorce is strong with this one"
When There's No Shared Interests
I have a client whose wife filed for divorce because my client hasn't successfully quit smoking yet.
SPOILERS!
She refused to allow her son to see a movie because her husband wanted him to go to said movie.
He took their son to see the movie anyway.
Ooh, Psychic Burn
Easy.
She spent $42,000 on psychic hotlines. Notable, she then wouldn't accept any of our offers, and I continuously asked her lawyer to provide counter-offers...
...shouldn't her psychic have told her how the case would turn out?!? Lol.
One Thing Is Clearly Worse Than Another
He didn't help her put up a shower curtain. It may have been a straw that broke the camel's back situation though.
Well, That Certainly Complicates Things
A lawyer I know had a client who filed for divorce because his wife was getting married in a month.
When The Splits Keep Coming
Hopefully soon-to-be-former Divorce attorney, I've seen tons of crazy reasons for people to get divorced. Some of them stupid, some of them make perfect sense.
I had one person get divorced because her husband wouldn't take her out to the movies anymore.
I had one client who looked through her husbands phone and found out he was hiring male escorts while he was on business trips.
One female client got a divorce because she hated sex with her husband. Her last relationship before she got married was pretty intense and I guess her husband just didn't match up.
I've had a few clients who were teachers get divorced because their spouses found out they were having relationships with students. All of the teachers were female.
One divorce involved an elderly couple who had both recently been widowed. They had both been married to their individual spouses for over 40 years. They married each other out of loneliness. About two years into the marriage, they realized they made a huge mistake. They couldn't stand each other. It was weird seeing eighty year olds complaining about the same thing you see kids arguing about.
Dry Heave
I heard of a woman that had her marriage annulled because the groom insisted to bring his mother on their honeymoon. Then, on the honeymoon the bride discovered the reason he wanted to bring his mother was to breastfeed him.
Yes, the groom, a grown man, was still breastfeeding.
Stealing The Love
Not me but my friend who specialises in family law. Wife wanted to divorce husband because he kept taking their dogs for walks while she was at work, making it (unintentionally) so they'd rather cuddle the husband instead of her after a long day.
I Mean, If Everyone's Happy...
I had two couples come to me.
They had been friends for nigh on 15 years.
Husband A decided he liked Wife B more than Wife A. Wife A decided she likes Husband B more than Husband A.
The reverse was also true, and Husband B preferred Wife A, Wife B preferred Husband A.
The couples had near identical assets in terms of value. They came to me all together, and I drafted two sets of paperwork. Two default judgment hearings were set on the same day. The judge signed all the papers the same day.
A week after that, they all went to a JP and remarried. The husbands swapped houses and they all went about their lives exactly as they had the week before, but each slightly happier.
EDIT: no, this was not Rob Lowe or a pitcher in the 1970s. I'm only 34. No, I have never read, seen, or heard of Marmalade Boy before today, but I will look for it to read next weekend. No, I probably don't live or work in your state.
H/T: Reddit