Anonymous Lawyers Reveal The Most Absurd Arguments They’ve Ever Heard In Court
Everyone is big and bad until we're in front of a judge. Nobody wants to go to jail now do they? Making excuses for freedom, especially when we're guilty as sin, can truly bring out the creative artist in everyone. And sometimes crazy people are just crazy!!
Redditor Kyle4hl **called upon all the legal eagles to share their most outrageous stories of people's courtroom behavior. **
READ THE FINE PRINT.. OR AT LEAST PAY SOMEONE TO.
As a corporate lawyer, the most ridiculous argument I come across almost monthly is as follows: fortune 500 company signs a garbage contract and is going to lose a lot of money due to the plain language of that contract; fortune 500 company argues unconscionability -- specifically that said company was not sophisticated enough to read the contract and no reasonable person would ever agree to the term or terms in dispute.
In sum, multi-billion dollar firms claiming they're incapable of reading contracts.
SMOOTH, VERY SMOOTH...
Law student, former professors story:
Defendant busted for possession of narcotics, they were in the pocket of his leather jacket. He argues the search was illegal because with his buttery smooth leather jacket, there's no way the officer would have felt the drugs in his pocket during a pat down, so he shouldn't have reached in the pocket to find the drugs in the first place.
Judge asks if the jacket is the one he was currently wearing in court; it was. Judge asks to feel this jacket and the pockets. Defendant hands it to the bailiff. Judge finds more drugs in the pocket. Needless to say, it didn't go well for him.
MY DOG DID IT!
I was a juror, but this was a hell of a defense.
Defendant ran through a red light and crossed against traffic in front of an officer. She was over twice the limit. It wasn't her fault. She had a cut on her arm that her dog licked. The yeast from the dogs saliva entered her blood stream and converted her blood sugar into alcohol.
An opposing attorney the other day said I should not cross-examine his witness at a preliminary hearing because it would only hone the witness's testifying skills to be cross-examined at trial. I laughed out loud.
HAVE YOU TRIED A POSTUREPEDIC?
Oh geez where do I start. I mean I could tell plenty of these about my own clients but I like this one:
A lady has an injury/Comp case. It's for her upper back and of course complex regional pain syndrome.
She decides she needs the insurance company to pay for a special mattress for her. Like a $6000 memory foam, with heat and massage and a thousand other features. And not just a twin, she needs a California King because of course her layabout unemployed boyfriend needs to sleep there too.
We spend months litigating this damn thing. Finally, she buys it herself and my client agrees to give her $1500 just to be done with it. The judge takes myself and opposing counsel aside and says he's gonna kill us if we ever say the word mattress in his court again after wasting all this time. It was that ridiculous.
Not three months go by and the case comes on for another hearing. After exhausting all the chiropractic care allowed under the law, her doctor was seeking a variance to get some additional chiropractic.
We get to court and I'm arguing it should be denied, etc. Judge turns to her and says, "ma'am, why do you feel you need more chiropractic care?"
She pauses for a minute then says, "I'm having a lot of trouble sleeping on my mattress."
I think I saw smoke coming out of his ears.
CHECK THE PRE-NUP.
In family court hearing a motion for entry of a restraining order for an abusive husband. Husband's lawyer argues that in a marriage, there is implied consent for a certain amount of abuse/violence.
I have a brief encounter (personal injury prospect) :
Old lady slipped & fell on an icy driveway which was not salted or maintained, so she wanted to sue for damages. After hearing the story, turns out the lady fell on her own driveway which she did not salt / maintain. She was wanting to sue herself.
IS THAT IN THE BIBLE?
Had a pro se litigant argue that she didn't owe the credit card company because Jesus.
The basic argument was that debt is a sin (or maybe not paying the debt was a sin). And Jesus died for all of our sins. Therefore Jesus died to pay off her debt. Brilliant.
WHEN YOU'VE GOT IT, FLAUNT IT!
This is a story that my grandpa always tells, so some of the details are fuzzy but this is the gist of it. My grandpa was a public defender, and this was a defense he used for one of his clients, who was being accused of attempting to break into a car.
How it happened: Man #1 is sitting in his house, and he looks out the window and sees Man #2 next to a car parked in the street. Man #2 is out there fiddling with the car door for like 10 minutes, and so Man #1 realizes he's trying to break into the car and calls the cops. Man #2 runs, and eventually Man #3, my grandpa's client, is picked up nearby because he matched the description of Man #2.
So my grandpa is meeting with his client and telling him what he's accused of. Client asks, "Wait, what kind of car was it?" Grandpa tells him. Client says, "I can prove that it wasn't me." Grandpa: "How?" Client: "You said the guy was out there for 10 minutes -- I can break into that car in less than 20 seconds." Grandpa: "Prove it."
So he finds one of whatever kind of car it was, and the client proceeds to pick the lock in 12 seconds. Grandpa gets the judge out there, and the client does it again for the judge, who makes him do it one more time and then dismisses the case.
SUE FOR YOUR EDUCATION MONEY BACK.
Several years ago I was doing a civil trial (personal injury), defending a woman who (allegedly) hit a bus matron with her car.
We had offered to concede liability and just try damages (in other words, the jury wouldn't hear the circumstances of how the injury happened, just that we agreed my client caused the injury, and they would only decide the amount of damages - we had evidence that the plaintiff was significantly exaggerating her injuries). The plaintiff's attorney refused to agree to our concession, thinking that if they jury heard the circumstances they'd want to give even more money to punish my client.
So we went to trial on liability. The plaintiff called one witness, her client, who testified that an older woman in a green car hit her. They rested and I moved for a dismissal for failure to prove a case. There was literally no evidence connecting my client to this incident, just an older woman in a green car. The plaintiff never bothered to call my client to the stand.
The attorney told the judge that the bus driver had written down my client's license plate and gave it to the police. They never bothered trying to find the bus driver. The attorney asked if she could just put the police report in and I objected that it was hearsay.
The attorney then actually said "please just let me put this in, I haven't had work in a while and I got retained by a firm to try this case, I really need to win this." Of course I didn't agree, and the judge dismissed the case. I felt a little bad for her but that was maybe the worse presentation of a case I ever saw.
I spoke with the jury afterwards and they all said they hated the plaintiff, didn't believe a word she said, and likely would have found in my favor anyway.
Moral of the story, BE PREPARED IN COURT.
DO YOU HEAR YOU?
Recovering Small Business/BK Attorney here. Was in Bankruptcy court on a motion of my own, when a very young attorney gets up to argue his position (his request was denied in pre-hearing disposition). Young Attorney ("YA") - Your Honor, I believe your reading of the three cases you have cited is incorrect.
Bankruptcy Court Judge ("BKJ") - You think that, do you?
YA - Yes, your honor. I don't think the Bankruptcy Appellate Panel believed these cases would be used in this fashion, and I think you are misreading the author's scope.
BKJ - Ok. Tell me, as those are BAP opinions - who wrote those opinions?
YA - I'm not sure, your honor. I didn't check.
BKJ - In the future you may want to check those sorts of things - all three cases were authored by the judge you just told didn't understand his own writing.
Court Audience (mostly attorneys) - Collective gasp
YA - Blank stare
BKJ - facepalm Jesus, son. I WROTE THOSE OPINIONS.
YA - Oh. Well I still think they're wrong.
BKJ - Request denied. Get the hell out of my courtroom.
It was, quite possibly, the most awkward type of walk of shame I've ever seen as he gathered his things and left.
HAVE YOU NO COMPASS SIR?
Not a lawyer, but I was in traffic court and a cab driver had got a ticket for running a red. He argued that it was really difficult to see because the sun was rising (morning) right where the light was. He was traveling west.
ARE YOU A BIRD?
Hands down the most ridiculous argument I've ever heard was a Constitutionalist, pro se defendant trying to explain why the Court lacked jurisdiction over him.
I was prepared for the standard arguments about "freeman on the land," non-corporate natural person, admiralty court, etc... But this one was different. This particular defendant was part of a Jehovah's Witness compound and happened to be Marshallese-American (i.e. he was black).
After the Court patiently explained to him that it has jurisdiction over all persons in the county, the defendant promptly piped up that, under the Dred Scott decision, he wasn't a person and the Court had no jurisdiction.
YES! YES! YES! YES! YEEEEEEEEEEESSSS!
This came in a deposition, but it's still one of my funniest stories from this old job.
I worked part-time as a paralegal when I was in college. We had this massive case with a lot of people involved that had spun out into a bunch of little side cases. In one of those side cases, this guy was claiming our client had left him threatening voicemails related to the main case, and him and his wife sued for loss of consortium. Loss of consortium, and I swear to you this is a real thing, basically means something happened that is stopping a married couple from having sex, and they want to sue you over it. The guy was claiming that he was so scared from these voicemails that he couldn't sleep with his wife anymore.
Deposition time rolls around, and I'm sitting in the other room, but it's a small office and I can hear everything. My boss starts asking the wife how we're supposed to know that it was our client's fault they stopped having sex. Maybe she's just not as attracted to him anymore. Maybe he's not attracted to her. Maybe they didn't have that much of a sex life to begin with, etc. So this woman starts yelling "I love sex!" and banging her fists on the table. Her lawyers try to calm her down and tell her to stop talking, but she keeps on shouting "I love sex! We used to have sex 2, 3 times a day!"
SOME PEOPLE SHOULDN'T HAVE TONGUES.
Former assistant state attorney/prosecutor here.
This defendant is called up for arraignment and the judge is telling him that he's been charged with theft for stealing a roll of scratch off tickets from a gas station. The judge informs the defendant that since the value of the tickets was over $300 therefore it's a felony rather than a misdemeanor.
The defendant says to the judge "but your honor, to be fair the tickets were all losers" implying it's not theft at all.
I was amazed at the futility of the argument.
WELL IF YOU HAVE A PRIUS....
Traffic court, speeding ticket. "Your honor, I didn't speed, and I can prove it with logic."
Lady: "I drive a Prius."
Lady: "That proves I'm responsible. Specifically in the realm of cars. So I obviously wouldn't speed."
She had to pay the ticket.
LET'S JUST COVER ALL THE BASES!
Am a Lawyer! The highlights real-
I wasn't drunk, I was stumbling because I was shot in the Cuba revolution ten years ago. This didn't match up, because we weren't ten year post Cuban revolution. Also, being shot doesn't make you smell of cheap beer
I didn't know heroin was a controlled substance, so having heroin wasn't a crime
I'm an addict so it's okay I had cocaine. I need it as a medication
my designated driver got drunk, so I had to drive drunk.
being prescribed medication and going to a therapist for a diagnosed sex addiction doesn't make you a sex addict
because I'm Irish, there's a presumption I'm drunk (to an Irish-American Da, police officer and judge)
marijuana will be legal soon, so you can't charge me now
I didn't personally sign the constitution, so it doesn't apply to me
And my favorite-
"If I'm arrest ill be violated on probation, so you can't charge me with a crime". Not "you can't" as in please don't, but actually "it would be illegal to do so"
H/T : REDDIT
If you love something it's supposed to be forever right?
Well, if you're one of my regular readers, then you know better by now.
Gamer Growth<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxMjc5NS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0ODY1MjUyNn0.LCdZuF69tUjDp_EeoDirNlRMO9TMBqf5vFxb11aQv4o/img.gif?width=980" id="bcc64" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="ca5c03e094bc984bbd3359126d4ee6ad" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="459" data-height="620" />Video Games 80S GIFGiphy<p>Video games. </p><p>For most of the first 25 years of my life I loved games. And then one day I sort of just said "why?" </p><p>And have really touched any in the last 7 years and haven't had much of a desire to. </p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp4tcpn?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">thesheep_1</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp4tcpn?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a>As much as I enjoy video games...I find as I get older...I have less time for it. Other priorities take place and before I know it...not much free time.</p><p>It also doesn't help that gaming companies that I grew up with...are now corporate asshats and not the 'revolutionary' icons they once were (looking at you Blizzard)...the constant 'made for multiplayer online'...f*ck that shit. (looking at you Rockstar).</p>
7 or 8 Other Things<p>Playing guitar. </p><p>I've played for 20 years and for the first roughly 13 years I could sit and play pretty much all day every day. When I went back to college and started taking my education seriously I started losing interest. </p><p>I still pick it up and play but I haven't written any new music in well over a year and most of the time there are like 7 or 8 other things I prefer doing instead.</p><p> There were certain people that I collaborated with a lot and some of them still play music and some of them don't but I moved far away enough from them that collaboration wasn't as easy. They were all people I knew in Orange County, CA but then I moved to Los Angeles after college and now I live in Idaho. </p><p>There is this one guy in particular that I used to play music with the most. Him and I always kind of understood each others' visions for a piece of music pretty well and just generally really understood how the other approached writing music. </p><p>He still writes and records all of the time and he's considering moving out here. If he does I wouldn't be surprised if that ends up being the push to get me really into playing again.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp4dqtg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">tim_to_tourach</a></p>
Doodle Depression<p>Drawing. I loved to doodle and try and draw whatever popped into my head. Even tried learning new styles to try out but eventually that feeling just slowly died. Drew a few things from a tutorial video a few months back, but that's about it. Pretty depressing honestly.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp4toaj?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">staying_golden1</a></p><p>I used to love drawing and painting too, and aced AP art...but now I look at a blank piece of paper and have zero inspiration. It's sad.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp56g4c?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">5leeplessinvancouver</a></p>
Happier As A Hobby<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxMzAyNi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NTkyODk4MX0.NqAZGKUzeyNvYYFqY5h32ZwX6G8_nCpvrUqassfwhN0/img.gif?width=980" id="14cae" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="e2689d2cc698153626ad28e3b2c491c9" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="400" />Nervous Season 6 GIF by Paramount+Giphy<p>Sewing. </p><p>Loved it as a teen. Made my own grad dress, won an award and a scholarship for my skills. Tried it as a job and it just killed any and all desire for it. </p><p>It stopped being fun. It stopped being a creative outlet for me. </p><p>It's really sad, cuz I had skills. I've tried to pick it back up in recent years, but I just can't seem to care like I did back then.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp4vl5q?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">alabardios</a></p><p>Same with knitting for me, which I picked it up as a hobby. Parents realized that I could make useful stuff and tried to push me into selling it. I <em>never</em> want to turn this hobby into a job; it would kill off all the benefits of being a relaxing way to pass the time.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp4z7dt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ladyoffate13</a></p><p>Are you me? Working in the fashion industry is such a goddamn soul suck. I'll probably never go back. I hoped to get my creative inspo back after a sabbatical but it's been almost 4 years since I quit my job and I've barely touched my sewing machine (except to make a handful of masks for a few close friends and family last year). </p><p>I hate when people find out I sew and ask me if I can make them something...</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp5hylq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">sxeoompaloompa</a></p>
Reading Used To Be FUNdamental<p>I was an avid reader since kindergarden up till uni. After that life just got in the way and I never picked up any books for the past 10 years....?</p><p>Still reads to my kids tho. Just, I don't have the energy to read mine.</p><p><span></span>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp5cls6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">shfaeman</a></p><p>As child, schoolboy, and student I used to absolutely devour books. I always had one in my pocket or bag.</p><p>From Dumas to Dickens I lived in those pages and had travels, adventure, and experiences that still remain clear and potent for me all this time later. When the demands of later adult life made this impossible I felt the loss keenly.</p><p>I found that an Audible account was the solution, I can fit books into the interstices of my day, and a good unabridged reading doesn't leave you feeling dissatisfied.</p><p>It'll never be the same as the the intense personal connection I had with books from my days as a true reader. But it suffices for these years until I can again.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp5eqai?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">DrNecessiter</a></p>
Like Prostitution<p>Writing. I always thought it'd be a passion I'd have for life, but in the past year or two everything I've tried to write has been sh!t. </p><p>Slowly I've stopped even trying.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp4oxed?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Without_Mystery</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp4oxed?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a>"Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and then for money. " -- Molière </p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp555at?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">tamsui_tosspot</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp555at?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a>I have been writing since I was seven, got a BA in English, and thought for sure I'd be a famous writer someday. </p><p>I very gradually wrote less and less over the years and now I am almost fifty and can barely muster inspiration to to churn out so much as a short poem. Looking back I tend to wonder if it was passion or if it just happened to be something I was good at that earned me praise and that validation is what fueled my motivation. </p><p>Now I don't care what people think of me so much so I just watch Netflix instead.😃</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp64j3t?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">AmyKeeBee</a></p>
All Of The Above<p>Everything here. </p><p>Playing guitar, writing, video games, I guess I just lost it all. </p><p>I'm not in my teens anymore when everything was so deep. I'm just going through the motions of life as a mid 30 year old. Working, and going home and repeat. </p><p>The friends have narrowed down to about 1, the job is tolerable at best. I'm drunk now so that's why I'm spilling. I can't find something that gives me that spark but I'm hopeful for the future.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp56130?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Omegawolf83</a></p><p>Dude aside from the drunk part and hopeful about the future. Are you me?!??!?!😲</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp56130?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a>Like for real, I lost interest in writing first, then gaming, have one good friend, work then home, mid 30's... duuuude. And to be honest, losing interest in so much stuff, has had me question if I'm secretly depressed, and just don't know it or what?</p><p><span></span>-<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp691ww?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"> LurkingAintEasy</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp691ww?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a>It's been years since I legitimately looked forward to anything or enjoyed something for any decent period of time.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp5224v?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Linchey1</a></p>
Hostile Hostels<p>Staying in hostels. </p><p>I still love travelling and meeting people, but I just can't do the hostel life anymore. I'd much rather have a nice, private bedroom and my own bathroom.</p><p>Part of me still dreams about just saving up some money and doing it all over again, but I know I'd be switching to hotels in about 2 days lol</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp50yh4?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ObjectivePassenger9</a></p><p>This. I loved it when I was 22 and could meet people and hang out with them, It was a great way to meet interesting people, make fun memories, and see a new city. </p><p>But now? F*ck no. </p><p>If I stay in a hostel now, I have to have a private room and bathroom because I am not f*cking around with other people.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp56w24?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">FreddieGregg</a></p>
SCUBA Men<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxMzUxMC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY3MDIxMTU0Mn0.zSPRheHDiYwiAdCk9Edsfg8Q_pmmwoJaWuQdBX053wg/img.gif?width=980" id="ac33d" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="6b3ab59b62d0c3646b51e77406dc76c1" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="470" data-height="264" />Under Water Swimming GIF by Outside TVGiphy<p>I fell out of love with SCUBA.</p><p><span>Firstly I live in England so the waters are somewhat different to the Red Sea. </span></p><p><span>But when I did do SCUBA, either in England or abroad, I realized a large part of SCUBA is spending time on boats with middle aged men with marital problems who still, <span>nonetheless</span>, need to keep reminding me that they are better than me. </span></p><p><span>Hence the marital problems, I'm sure.</span></p><p>I always thought it should be an easier and more pleasant experience.</p><p>I'm a casual, by the way. I really don't have the inclination to get up early on a Sunday and look at 4 non-descript fish in the English Channel (which I've done, by the way.) </p><p>Plus I'm not very good at bragging so this excludes me from 95% of on boat conversations.</p><p><span></span><span>I would, however, like to rock up to Jordan or the <span style="font-size: 14px;">Caribbean</span> and just say "Look I'm here for a week or so. Lets do 5 dives but I <span style="font-size: 14px;">haven't</span> done it for a while, so can we spend some time on the first dive working on my bouyancy?" </span></p><p><span>I've tried this a couple of times only to get to the dive shop to find out its being run by an English couple. And if there's one thing worse than a middle aged man with marital problems, its an expat middle aged man with marital problems.</span></p><p><span></span>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp5c2xf?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">random_username_94 </a></p>
Burgers, fries, peanut butter. Apple pie, hot dogs, cheesesteaks. American food is a big part of our daily lives, but it's not normal for everybody around the globe.
When was the first time you tried sushi? Or the first time you had curry? Have you even been able to try escargot? The world is full of so many fascinating foods, and some of those foods are American--especially to non-Americans.
A Little South In Your Mouth<p>Proper Jambalaya from Louisiana</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Heiminator/" target="_blank">Heiminator</a></p><p>Gumbo, jambalaya, and a real authentic muffaletta should be your top three. A GOOD shrimp po boy is a good one to add to the list as well.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/DocHoss/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">DocHoss</a></p>
The List Goes On And On<p>I really want to have some American pancakes with the bacon and maple syrup! I just recently discovered iHop is a pancake restaurant!!!! A restaurant......for pancakes?!!</p><p>Oh and a hotdog from New York street vendor with "everything".....whatever everything is and then a pretzel for later.</p><p>Some runners up that I'd like to try: twinkies, egg nog, Mac and cheese, a full thanksgiving dinner experience, key lime pie, pumpkin pie, Krispy Kreme doughnuts and Mountain Dew</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/surebegrandlike/" target="_blank">surebegrandlike</a></p>
A Nommy Dessert<p>Pumpkin pie. I don't think I'd like it, but I'd like to try it.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Gooner1798/" target="_blank">Gooner1798</a></p><p>It's my favorite pie! It has a pretty great flavor, just sweet enough with a nice soft texture. You absolutely have to put a dollop of whipped cream on top before eating though.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/abe_the_babe_/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">abe_the_babe_</a></p>
Variations On A Theme<p>A Philly cheesesteak.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/FairyBread10/" target="_blank">FairyBread10</a></p><p>Trust me, they are NOT all made alike</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Maximum-Recover625/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Maximum-Recover625</a></p><p>Word. As someone who lives in Philly, it's amazing to see what ends up being considered a "Philly Cheesesteak" on menus around the country lol. Even here in Philly we gatekeep what a legit cheesesteak is lmao.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/MikeyMortadella/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">MikeyMortadella</a></p>
A Smoky Lil Treat<p>Texas BBQ</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/gurren975/" target="_blank">gurren975</a></p><p>Smoked brisket is insanely good when done well. I've just started smoking my own during covid (because why not?) and it is so yummy! Brisket Mac n Cheese was seriously unhealthy but phenomenal..</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Punkinsmom/" target="_blank">Punkinsmom</a></p>
Uniquely Artery Clogging<p>Corndogs. I have never seen it in my country. I never got the chance to eat it when I was in the USA. So I really would like to try it. </p><p>Specially since I saw an episode of GMM where Rhett talks about how much he loves corndogs.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/badthoughts87/" target="_blank">badthoughts87</a></p>
Combo Plate<p>One of those whole hog bbq pulled pork and slaw burgers</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/SmashYaGash/" target="_blank">SmashYaGash</a></p><p>Yeah, that's definitely an eastern North Carolina meal.</p><p>Western NC does smoked pork shoulders (or Boston butts as some call them). Eastern NC is where the whole hog comes from - historically speaking, it's the oldest style of regional barbecue in the country, beating out the colonization of Texas by almost a century.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/LongPorkJones/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">LongPorkJones</a></p>
They're After Me American Cereals<p>I was literally Googling American sugary cereals last night, making my mouth water. </p><p>All these amazing things my husband and I would love to try - Reese's Puffs, Lucky Charms, Cinnamon Toast Crunch... What are they?! Must.... Taste.....!</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/ArtNorvelle/" target="_blank">ArtNorvelle</a></p>
Expanding On Fritos<p>I had Fritos once. OMG we have no equivalent. I don't know if they are illegal here or what but I could sense instant attraction pure nommynom.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/qarrmeh/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">qarrmeh</a></p><p>Three words: Frito. Chili. Pie. It's just three basic ingredients: Bag of Fritos corn chips, a can of Hormel chili (or equivalent of homemade chili, which is better), and shredded cheddar cheese. Mix, bake at 350ºF for like 20 minutes or until everything is hot and the cheese has melted, serve. Top with salsa if you'd like.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/PatrickRsGhost/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">PatrickRsGhost</a></p>
Corn In A New Way<p>Grits.</p><p>I've heard it mentioned in movies for years, and I've always wanted to try it.</p><p><span></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Fred_Perry/" target="_blank">Fred_Perry</a></p><p>Be aware that there are two distinct factions of grits:</p><p>Grits with butter, pepper, salt, and maybe cheese.</p><p>Grits with butter, brown sugar, and maybe honey or syrup.</p><p>If you go into it expecting one, but get the other, you'll be surprised. People will fight over which is better or 'the right way', despite the fact that they're both delicious. Personally, I mix it up, with butter, pepper, sugar, and honey. That way I'm always an outcast, but at least I have good food.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/MedusasSexyLegHair/" target="_blank">MedusasSexyLegHair</a></p>
Unfortunately, it's no secret that people are becoming the victims of human trafficking all around us.
Every country, city, town, and region can be the site of abduction, where a vulnerable person is groomed to be free labor or the victim of predatory sex
Missing Things<p>"I had a loved one pulled into the sex trafficking industry as an adult. So, I can offer a couple pointers for spotting adults who are being sold as sex workers."</p><ol><li>"Missing shoes. It's hard to run away in a city barefoot. Blisters are a dead giveaway."</li><li>"Not carrying a cell phone, identification, or the purse or wallet to put it in. Their pimp likes to hold these hostage to prohibit contact with the outside world and to make it difficult to purchase long distance transportation."</li></ol><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lreopg/people_who_help_fight_human_trafficking_what_are/gomxb1t?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">LoneQuietus81</a></p>
Trust Yourself<p>"I worked as front desk for a hotel, had a couple of experiences with this."</p><p>"Look for groups of 2-3 where one person does all of the talking, specifically when the other(s) look scared, are overly covered, cringe when the talker is speaking, or look under the influence of something."</p><p>"Ensure you get ID from all parties when you suspect something is going on, note down their room number and names given, trust your gut, what we call a 'gut feeling' is a combination of millions of tiny factors you might not knowingly be aware of, tiny details like hitched breathing, microexpressions, specific lying tells, environmental factors, etc."</p><p>"These all add up and let your subconscious mind make connections that your general mind might not. Trust that feeling if you suspect something is wrong, and contact the police to inform them of a suspected human trafficking issue."</p><p>"Both times my gut told me to call it in I ended up regrettably being correct."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lreopg/people_who_help_fight_human_trafficking_what_are/gommblj?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">tsavong117</a></p>
Memorized Lines<p>"Where I live, human trafficking is a big problem and there was a huge bust at a hotel not too long ago."</p><p>"Usually hotels, motels, and airlines are trained to look out for signs of trafficking. Red flags include those who are very scared or nervous around specific people or talk like their following a script."</p><p>"Those who are targeted usually come from broken homes or poor countries with the promise of a better life or how all of their problems can be solved by doing X. It can also include being showered with expensive or luxury gifts as a start of the luring in process."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lreopg/people_who_help_fight_human_trafficking_what_are/gom77wi?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Kevin-W</a></p>
Prevention<p>"Here in Spain we get a lot of women from eastern Europe and sub saharan Africa, some pay for their trip to europe this way, some are blackmailed and some are lured offers of jobs like cleaning, or low level administrative jobs (secretaries, paper pushing) and end up on in a roadside brothel."</p><p>"If you´re a young woman in a poor area of eastern europe and you get a offer for a easy job in germany, france, spain or the netherlands. be VERY suspicious."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lreopg/people_who_help_fight_human_trafficking_what_are/golqok8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Aevum1</a></p>
Litmus Test<p>"My sociology professor told us if we ever see a child at a motel/hotel , make sure to say hi to them , and you can pretty well judge by their reaction if they're safe or not"</p><p>"also it's a bit harder to do as a man"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lreopg/people_who_help_fight_human_trafficking_what_are/gom5b4a?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Ok_Act_1214</a></p>
The Thine Line Between Slavery and Labor<p>"Most of human trafficking is not the movie kind. It's more the kind where an ethnic restaurant brings over a cook from their home country and they have to work unreasonable hours to pay back for the trip."</p><p>"Or maybe it's a maid or a construction worker who works below minimum wage and can't have their passport back."</p><p>"So look for people who work long hours at sub-legal wages."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lreopg/people_who_help_fight_human_trafficking_what_are/golbrvq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Pontus_Pilates</a></p>
Nifty, and Significant<p>"There's an app you can download called TraffickCam."</p><p>"Any time you stay at a hotel, upload photos of your room. Those photos are incorporated into an artificial intelligence algorithm that helps identify locations of trafficking victims via background details."</p><p><span></span>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lreopg/people_who_help_fight_human_trafficking_what_are/gomc6g8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">m31td0wn</a></p>
The rule of thumb when eating fast food is very simple: put on the blinders, enjoy the meal, and try not to do it too often.
But what if you work in the kitchen?
In that case, there's simply no escaping a complete understanding of the several horrors that each assembled burger or french fry encounters on its way to that front counter.