Annoyed Lawyers Admit The Dumbest Cases They Ever Had To Take
_People will drag people into court for anything these days. It isn't as glamorous as 'Ally McBeal' or 'How to Get Away With Murder' but it can sure be just as crazy. What one will do or say to stay out of jail or grab a few coins is astonishing. _
Redditor _boopbaboop asked the barristers of the Reddit realm what were some of the most ridiculous cases or stories they witnessed. _
COMPUTERS ARE FROM MARS, PHONES FROM VEVUS.
My father is a patent attorney, and when I was around 14 he told me about a guy who wanted to patent the IPhone 3 because "aliens" had given him the design for it. My father told him that if the aliens originally designed then they were the ones that had to patent it, not him.
LET THE MAN HAVE HIS SANDWICH.
I'm a prosecutor, so I don't get hired to represent anyone (I work for the government) but I do have discretion over how the prosecution progresses (i.e. deciding to proceed, deciding what to offer in the event of a plea bargain, deciding to withdraw the charges, etc.) I had a case a few months ago where a man was charged with shoplifting. Turned out he was 70 years old, had absolutely no criminal record, and had shoplifted a SANDWICH which he ate politely in the store. He honestly thought he had paid for it. I was so angry that he was ever charged in the first place. When I saw him in court, he was absolutely terrified. I withdrew the charges and wished him well. I have no idea how it progressed that far.
WHICH 'STU' ARE YOU REFERRING TOO?
I had a client come in saying that he "needed to sue Stu for robbing all his checks." When I asked him if Stu had a last name, he said no. When I asked him if he knew any Stu, he said no. When I asked him what proof he had that Stu was robbing him, he showed me all of his pay stubs.
There were clear, monthly deductions by "SCU". As soon as I saw it, I knew. I asked "Do you have children?" He said yes.
I then told him "Your Stu is the SCU - the Support Collection Unit. They take money out of your check to pay for your child."
He left the office insisting that we needed to find Stu.
STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES.
I did insurance defense for a long time, including insurance fraud investigations for insurance companies. You wouldn't believe how many people take a video inventory of their house only to have it "mysteriously" burn down the next day. You really can't fix stupid.
I'LL TAKE A SIDE OF FRIES WITH THAT WHOPPER!
Woman wanted me to sue McDonalds because their employees beat up her son. Who was trying to rob the place.
HAVE YOU NO MIRROR AT HOME?
When I was in law school I did the criminal defense clinic where we "help" a public defender. I say help because they just give you small cases to do by yourself.
I had a guy accused of shoplifting a yellow FUBU shirt. Guess what he wore to the trial? A GD yellow FUBU shirt. I asked the prosecutor to re-offer the plea deal, she did, and I convinced the guy to take community service and probation (if I remember correctly).
Our public defender system is tragically overworked and underfunded.
WHY IS THE DOOR LOCKED?
A lady in prison in my state tried to sue the state Department of Corrections for "holding her against her will".
Her lawyer wouldn't touch it.
SOMETIMES THOSE PENNIES ADD UP.
I had a teacher that worked for a major video game publisher (one of the top10 ones)
He told me that when people tried to sue them for small amounts due to some game being bad, they would just pay whatever the person wanted, it was cheaper than dealing with the country terrible justice system.
Except one day a guy sued them because a game was bad, he was a law student, self representing, and tried to throw the book at the company.
They decided to make a exception for this guy, they instead 'threw the book back' at him, the lawsuit kept escalating until both sides wasted lots of time and money...
Then as final stroke, they offered to settle in front of a judge. There in front of the judge... they put the price of the game on the table in cash, and told the guy to just take it and stop bothering them. The judge thought it was very fair, and told the guy that if he refused that settlement he would be fined. Guy was very unhappy... he spent like 5000 USD in bureaucracy and airplane fares to get 60 USD.
THE FELINE DEFENSE.
I'm a lawyer, but this happened to a friend of mine. He got engaged, and apparently this pissed off his ex-gf. The ex-gf sued him for custody of their two cats AND $500,000 for something like the lost value of the cats because she claimed they were service animals. Hint: they were not at all service animals.
SOME PEOPLE ARE BEYOND HELP.
Guy I know worked for the DPP and told me about a case where a guy was up on car theft charges, which is like 5 years max bit he was very likely to get a suspended sentence/probation as it was a first ever offense. The dummy though, thought it would be a good idea to go and intimidate the witness into not testifying. The witness called the cops and had CCTV footage of this, so he copped an extra charge with a 20 year max and there was no way in hell he was getting a suspended sentence or probation on that one.
NEVER DOUBT ALL THE HOCUS POCUS.
A lady once called asking us to sue her neighbors. They were using voodoo on her. Fortunately, she had psychic powers and thus knew what they were doing. I respectfully declined.
WHERE ARE MY BERRIES???!!!
Client wanted to sue because there were no strawberries in her fruit salad which she bought from a supermarket. Thankfully a secretary was able to screen the call. She asked if the package said it had strawberries, and the response was, "No, but I thought it would have." I don't know how these people manage to make it through life.
LOVE WHAT GOD GAVE YOU.
Without going into too many details -- had a guy that wanted to bring a class action against the company that made his underwear, because he was convinced his underwear was the reason he had a crooked (YOU KNOW). He assured us that as soon as the jury saw his (YOU KNOW), they'd side with him. No, we didn't take it.
CATS ARE SHIFTY!
I worked as a receptionist at a small personal injury firm and was the first line of defense against the more outlandish cases. One of the most ridiculous calls I took involved a woman wanting to sue her cat's veterinarian for malpractice because her cat scratched her, which in turn supposedly caused her liver to fail and a slew of other health problems to arise. She believed the vet was at fault because she was convinced the cat was carrying some obscure disease and the vet had failed to catch it.
It was my second day on the job, so I put her through to an attorney, not yet knowing what else to do with such a ridiculous situation. She got a firm "sorry, can't help ya" from our office, in part because we did not do malpractice, veterinary or otherwise, but also because she sounded like a one-way ticket to Crazy Town.
VICTIM TO YOUR OWN CAPERS? NOT OUR FAULT.
I am a personal injury lawyer in the UK. I took a call from a potential client that had fallen down the stairs in her own home. She had tripped over her own cat. She told me that she wanted to sue her local authority as her home was owned by the council and she was not allowed to keep pets as part of her lease.
She claimed that when the house was inspected she was not told to get rid of the cat. It was therefore the council's fault that she fell down the stairs.
We didn't take the case on.
I NEVER DID TRUST THAT MOUSE!
My mother said that at a law firm she used to work at many years ago they had received a call from a gentleman that wanted to file a lawsuit against Walt Disney. When asked why he was filing suit he claimed that the Disney characters were coming out of the TV and stealing food from his refrigerator. They told him they'd take the case for an advance fee of $100K and never heard back from him.
I LOVE VOLCANOES!!
A guy found a rock in the middle of Melbourne CBD that he believed came from an underground volcano therefore he discovered the volcano and he owned the volcano and that the Melbourne city council and indeed the Victorian government should pay him rent to live on top of his underground volcano.
No no I did not take on the case
KARAOKE TO KEEP THE CARPOOL FUN AND PAINLESS!!
Some times you have no choice but to take it.
I represented a guy who sold & leased cars. A woman worked for a company that let her drive a company van to work as part of a car pool effort. She'd keep the van at home and picked up fellow workers to go to work, then bring them back to their homes. One day going to work, she was stopped at a stop light. Some guy didn't stop in time and bumped into the van. She got out to look, she and the other guy agreed no damage, so each went on his/her way.
Later, a woman who as a passenger decided/discovered she was injured. Went to a lawyer. The lawyer sued the company, the driver, and every passenger in the van. The lawyer deposed each passenger, got the name of their auto insurance company, sent a demand letter for coverage. One of the passengers said, "I don't have a car. But my sister does." So they sued the sister. She said, "I don't have insurance because I lease the car, and they provide insurance." So the lawyer sued my client and sent a demand letter for insurance coverage.
NEVER GIVE UP ON PANCAKES!
One prospective client wanted me to sue Burger King for no longer serving pancakes.
GOD SHOULD BE MORE CLEAR WITH INSTRUCTIONS.
My dad is a public defender and he had to defend this guy that stole a cop car from the jail parking lot. He claimed that it was a gift from God and was intended for him.
Of course a police chase ensued and it went into the nearby highway (I-5 for those who know it). When he was finally pulled over about 5 minutes and 7 miles later, the guy got out of the car completely naked except for a pair of leather cowboy boots.
If any of you care my dad has had some other pretty legendary clients in his 25 years.
No country is a perfect place to live.
*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm and sexual assault.
Why does your country suck?
Just because a country is beautiful to look at, doesn't mean it doesn't have its problems under the surface.
Pretty To Look At, Tough To Live In
"Today I learned it has way more expensive gas than neighboring countries and even more expensive gas than Austria. On the other hand minimum salary is 560 euro, while minimum salary in Austria is 1500 euro."
"My country is Croatia. And its economy rly sucks. All the prices (renting, food, etc) are the same like other EU countries but people just have way smaller salaries."
"Because of that many young people emigrated to Ireland and other countries, and the population is falling hard, and getting older and older."
"On the other hand it is a country full of sea, sun, islands, nature and beauty. Definitely nice to live in if you have a decent salary."
"Argentina — nobody knows why it doesn't".
"Argentina. Terrible governance, corruption, never-ending economic crises, poverty and insecurity. We have meat, cereals, fish, oil, minerals, beautiful and diverse landscapes. We were once the richest country in the world (1895). But now the situation is constantly worsening."
"Nobel winning economist Simon Kuznets stated that there are four sorts of countries: "developed countries, underdeveloped countries, Japan — nobody knows why it grows — and Argentina — nobody knows why it doesn't".
Unable To Agree In Bosnia
"There are 3 presidents so nothing will ever get solved"
"There are 3 presidents, 1 of each ethnicity that makes up the country, most of which hate each other. Impossible to come to terms with one another, imagine if the US had 2 presidents that were opposite political parties, they would never agree with each other enough to accomplish anything."
The worse thing about some of these places is how they treat their own citizens.
Or, how they don't treat their citizens.
Trouble On The Island
"New Zealand. We have the highest teen suicide rates sadly. I wish we could do something to change this. I know people are trying but its really not going anywhere. Of course, people with money and power don't do much either."
"In my opinion. It's probably because of our living cost as well as house prices. Cost of everything is increasing so fast and our wage increase is nothing compare to it. Your life savings is nothing compare to the people who already have 2 investment properties, they are going to out bid you straight away. If you want a property in NZ you have to buy one in the rural areas. Thinking about the future is so dam depressing."
A Slow Erosion
"Offshore processing of asylum seekers. The slow erosion of a great healthcare and educational system due to years of conservative governments."
Too Drunk To Work
"We got drunk president that is in hospital in critical condition rn and his spokesman is saying hes completely ok which hes not. Also our soon to be ex prime minister is pretty much a mob. He kidnapped his own son and send him to Krym bcs he could testify in tax and dotation fraud. (Czechia btw.)"
These are just unforgivable.
"mass shootings and sh-t healthcare"
"Ooh ooh I know the answer to this question of which country this is. Pick me."
"The healthcare is fantastic."
"Its the price that will getcha"
An Imperfect System For Criminals
"Our law system."
"In our country, when a crime is commited, u get a sentence, and then u can get some of the sentence removed."
"For an example, "u were under 18 when it happened? 10% off!" "U have a bad situation at home? Very well then, only one year prison instead of three".
"There was an instance where a serial assaulter was given 840 000SEK (around 105 000 dollars) because he was detained, awaiting trial, for the same amount of time as the sentence that he was given, which was around two years. This man assaulted multiple girls and walked out of court a near-millionaire."
"Swede here and i instantly understood what you meant"
The Pandemic Hits Everyone, Everywhere
"Our healthcare is free yet I am terrified to go to the emergency because I will probably be dismissed, rushed, or have to wait 12+ hours in a chair..."
"...First, I absolutely don't want to make a point that free healthcare is bad. I actually should have emphasized the issue is corruption and mismanagement of public funds. I'm in Quebec and have myself worked a long time in the system. It's badly managed from the top down, but don't get me wrong, private is bad, really bad. I worked at a clinic that has public and private services and the social inequalities are insane."
"About other provinces, sorry for the Maritimes, it sounds rough. I've heard Ontario isn't as bad as here. Would be interesting to see the best healthcare in Canada is where"
"Finally, I also heard it is bad like this everywhere else right now and I agree. But you can't even imagine how bad it was pre pandemic already. It is a long complexe issue though and the solution is absolutely NOT to privatize. If anything, over here we have a double system and guess what the public one is turning to sh-t while all the good doctors are turning to private."
"This pandemic has been rough for everyone. Hold strong!!"
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
I eat just about anything, but can't say I'm a fan of okra. Might it have to do with the way it is typically prepared, at least in my experience? It's slimy. It shouldn't be. It would probably taste better fried. But I have friends from the South who swear it is heaven on a plate.
But there's more than food that's disgusting. Like... why do people idolize Joe Exotic, the Tiger King? He's a sexual predator and a criminal. I know we all needed something to watch during lockdown, but damn. Don't tattoo his face on your body!
People shared their opinions after Redditor blackismyfavcolorlol asked the online community,
"What's that one disgusting thing that everybody except you seems to like?"
"It sounds so gross..."
"Deep-fried butter and deep-fried mayonnaise. It sounds so gross but everyone seems to eat it at state fairs or amusement parks."
Yeah... I'll pass.
I love butter. I love mayo. Do they need to be fried, though?
"You know the type..."
"Those social media videos of food being made with so much heavy and greasy s***! You know, the type where it's a whole burger, cooked into a quesadilla with a pound of cheese, then fried and covered in three different sauces."
So unnecessary. And they ultimately become a waste of food because who would actually eat that?
"People who slam..."
"People who slam their friend's faces into birthday cakes. Just stop."
I would be so pissed if I spent so much money on hair and makeup only to have it ruined.
"You know what..."
"You know what I think is sick and weird? Why do some people take pictures of their dead/dying family members? Like "at the hospital with my aunt," and it's pictures of someone's aunt on breathing tubes unconscious. It makes no sense to me why you would take pictures and put them on social media."
"Pictures with babies. Or parents creating Facebook profiles in the name of their children, and those children are like... 3 years old, or less."
"Well, I know I can't be the only one that finds them disgusting, but long fake nails. Unless you have a serious case of hand-washing OCD, there is no way that can be hygienic."
How do these people wipe after going to the bathroom?!
"Truffles. The smell makes my stomach turn. I feel like there has to be some kind of bizarre conspiracy or truffle gatherer lobby or something for them to be so expensive."
"He's a predator..."
The guy is a sociopath who manipulated two young straight men into a sexual relationship, which ended in one of them committing suicide. Then he had the audacity to give the most tasteless eulogy in front of the guy's family.
He's a predator and I'm shocked that more non-straight and non-monogamous people aren't speaking up against him being released and getting more screen time."
There are people out there who have gotten tattoos of him. Why would you want a tattoo of a sexual predator on your body?!
"You look like a clown."
"Lip injections. You look like a clown. I don't get it."
"I have so many friends..."
"Whiskey. I have so many friends who love it, but the moment it touches my tongue I gag immediately, regardless of how expensive it is."
Do you hear that sound?
That's me getting ready to hurl.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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How do you tell if someone has a crush on you?
It's not always so easy, and many of us will fumble our way through it. Perhaps our only experience with navigating crushes comes from John Hughes movies (which I don't recommend following).
Oh, and while this isn't a Hughes movie, I would not recommend doing to one's crushes what the nerds do in the terrible Revenge of the Nerds.
Looking for advice? Look no further. You can thank Redditor chaitea_lexax who asked the online community,
"What is a dead giveaway that someone has a crush on you?"
"When they tell you..."
"When they tell you at your 10-year high school reunion after they've married and had several children and it doesn't matter anymore."
This is oddly specific.
Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion this is not.
"When they try to be mean..."
"When they try to be mean to you, you can tell. If they weren't interested, they wouldn't be trying to tease you, they would just ignore you."
Yeah, but I wish people didn't think that was okay. Mind games aren't cool.
"She stayed in my dorm..."
"Well, she changed in front of me, that didn't tip me off. She stayed in my dorm for 5 days, I was none the wiser. She said she wanted to kiss me, I finally figured it out."
"Although this may be more for initial attraction, women tend to 'oh so casually' drop into conversation their relationship status or better yet, lack thereof. It's rarely subtle, but I don't think men do it quite so much."
Well, if you make clear that you're available, then it would make sense that someone might think that you're interested.
"Though the rule of thumb is usually..."
"It's something that can't really be answered as we are all different in our actions and how we interpret things.
Though the rule of thumb is usually if they attempt to spend more time with you and often seek your help, even if you don't know the answer. It's usually a presence thing. Though again, they may just simply enjoy your company and don't like you any more than just a friend."
"If you hang out..."
"If you hang out in the same social circles there are a few sure-fire ways. The one that is really telling is when something funny happens that makes the entire group laugh. If they look at you straight away to see if you found it funny, they're into you."
I had this happen to me a few times. Sometimes it worked out and sometimes it didn't, I'll leave it at that.
"If you have a watch..."
"If you have a watch, look at the time then look somewhere random. Chances are they will also check the time."
"If you have mutual friends..."
"If you have mutual friends or acquaintances it would probably be your friends or their friends giving you hints or teasing that the person is romantically interested in you."
This has happened with some of my friends and it's pretty cute when it's reciprocated!
"I asked my girlfriend..."
"I asked my girlfriend to marry me today and she said yes. I have suspicions she might have a crush."
Plot twist: it's you!
"A girl would always..."
"This happened to me in college. A girl would always glance at me and when we lock eyes she would look away. I asked her out and during our conversation she touched my forearms and thighs a few times."
When it comes to crushes, it's not necessarily one size fits all, so take any and all advice with a grain of salt. You're better off being direct, but that is, of course, easier said than done.
Have some tips of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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You feel safe all the time...
...but the world is more dangerous than you realize. Even the things you don't normally assume to be deadly, the actions you do every day, can lead to some unfortunate injury or, worse, death.
Watch out for springs. Seriously.
What's dangerous but most people don't realize?
Never underestimate the power of nature. Be it living or non-living, the things out in the wild are more ferocious than you realize.
Water Always Wins
"Water, specifically moving water. People have no sense about how powerful large volumes of moving water can be."
"My grandfather used to point out boulders in flash flood channels and ask us how they got there. A flash flood is literally thousands of gallons of water moving with the force of a hurricane, mowing down anything in it path; your odds of survival if you get caught in one are slim to none. Water is no joke!"pretty-as-a-pic
They're Called "Wild" For A Reason
"Ever since I saw that woman on TV that was ripped apart by her own pet chimp, I swear I would freak out if I ever had to be in the vicinity of a chimp irl. She didn't die but it f-cked her up bad enough that those things scare me. When people use them in music videos or whatever, I always think of that lady."
"It wasn't her chimp - it was her neighbor's. And she was known to the chimp, and had interacted with it for years before, on friendly terms."
"One day it just went, well, ape.."
It's Literally A Big Ball Of Burning Death
"THE SUN. Skin cancer is a major killer that is easily preventable by wearing sunscreen. Sun damage is more significant than many people realize and it's such an easy thing to avoid."
Even The Cute Ones...
"ALL wild animals are dangerous, even if they don't look it. Most people know that large predators like mountain lions and bears are dangerous, but many underestimate herbivores and/or smaller animals like deer and squirrels. A lot of people assume smaller animals/herbivores are tame, and try to get close or even touch them. This is extremely dangerous- these animals don't understand humans, and an animal that feels cornered or threatened will lash out to try and escape. Please keep a safe and respectful distance from any animal you don't know!"
Going to the doctor can feel like a big weight, especially if you don't have the right kind of coverage. That's probably why things like the following can lead to dangerous outcomes.
Brush, Brush, Brush Your Teeth
"An infected tooth."
"True! An abscess under the gum line can literally kill you."
"Argued with a receptionist about this. I had one badly and she said she'd never heard of it killing anyone. Like... yeah, ask your damn boss."
Go For A Walk
"A bad diet and sedentary lifestyle. Most people don't think about how these two can lead to an incredible amount of health problems and how they can remain asymptomatic for years and suddenly have a heart attack or stroke."
And then there's these, typical, every day actions or items we might come into contact with which actually pose more of a threat than we realize.
Watch out for those springs.
"Driving. The forces involved in driving are way above anything the human body can withstand should things go wrong. All the safety features built into cars lead us to believe that it's a safe activity, which encourages additional risky behaviors like texting. Everybody should be hyper focused while driving down the highway at 80mph, but almost everybody is doing something else in addition to driving."
Buckle Up THE RIGHT WAY
"90% of children are improperly restrained in the car."
"I spent a decade as a CPST and the things I've seen are deeply upsetting knowing they're easily fixable with an hour or two of effort."
"I've seen children internally decapitated. Parents put their kids in car seats forward facing far too early, booster seats before they're truly large enough, coats under the straps, straps never properly tightened."
"Car accidents are still a leading cause of death. The awareness has gotten better in the last 15 years but with plenty of room for improvement."
"If you have a child, please make an appointment with a certified CPST whenever they are big enough for their next seat or seating position. It's worth the effort."
"Also, not every fire fighter is a CPST. The goal is to teach YOU how to install the seat, not to have them do it for you."
Think Of Your Mental Health
"toxic workplace. stay there long enough and you will hate life itself"
"And then the toxic people who say "think about the money" when you mention quitting for your mental health"
Hire A Professional
"Garage door springs will f-ck you up."
"I'm generally a do-it-yourselfer, but I don't mess with breaker boxes or garage door springs."
Be safe out there. You never know when a wild spring is going to jump out of the dark, ready to attack.
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