Let's talk reincarnation.
Calm down, I'm not going to get spiritual on you.
Reddit is going to get AWESOME.
Reddit user Alt_FGualdino asked:
"If you could be reincarnated after your death as any animal(besides human) what would you be?"
So here's what happened—a bunch of people got really excited about animals (as people do) and it kind of devolved into a passionate defense of their favorite animals.
There are few things that get more e-turnt than Redditors arguing about whether orcas, tigers or dragons are coolest.
Such passion, such devotion, so much fur.
Let's get into it.
Orcas - Or Not
"Orca."
"Long life, high intelligence, language, extremely low mortality, social life, free time. Orcas seem to only spend 10% of their life hunting while devoting the rest to play and social interaction."
"The only animal in the world that can mess with Orcas are humans."
"Some Orcas literally kill great white sharks to eat their liver. And maybe one would think a battle between an orca and a great white would be epic but it is not. It is over in seconds."
- Ruxini
"But there's a risk of getting caught as a baby by some marine park people, who then force you to live in a small pool, doing shows for humans day in and day out until you're certifiably nuts."
- CronozDK
"They're gorgeous but that lifestyle is brutal. You might as well just stay human if you're going to sign up for such brutality."
- InternationalDeer9
"What if you're an introvert orca or have social anxiety? It'll be this life again but without pizza :( "
- darklord01998
Giphy
A Lifestyle I Can Get Behind
"I once read about a lizard (I think it was a lizard) that lived in the Galapagos islands."
"It has no predators so it never has to worry about being hunted. This is how it spends its day.:
"In the morning it slowly walks down the beach and swims around eating algae. When it's belly is full it heads back to the beach."
"Unfortunately it is unable to digest algae. To solve this problem it has to lay on its back on the beach in the sun. The sun warms up it's stomach and allows it stomach to digest the algae."
"After doing that for several hours, it goes for another swim to eat some more algae, then lays on the beach again."
"This is a lifestyle I can get behind."
- beaushaw
Giphy
Feathery Beacon of Hate
"Goose, any day."
"Canadian Citizenship, no one f*cks with geese, Honk, Fly, Can live off grass alone, Swim, Could probably relearn how to speak if I keep my intelligence, Honk!"
"My headcanon is that all of the animosity and hatred of the Canadian people is concentrated into its goose population instead of its humans."
"That goose-borne hatred is then unleashed on the world during migration. I would happily take part in such a spectacle."
- Flimsy_Bid5817
"Headcanon accepted."
"I also would like to join in being an beautiful feathery beacon of hate majestically migrating to f*cking wreck everyone and everything in my path."
- bold-italixs
"Canadian Goose. They really are a menace to society and the absolute worst."
- Proper_Access_6321
Giphy
Low Stress Life
"Ok after some thought I'm going with blue whale."
"First, they live a really long time- like 80 years. But during that time you probably have the lowest stress life possible."
"What does a blue whale have to worry about? Nothing. It's not even an effort to eat - you just glide around slurping up krill!"
"And nothing is going to mess with you. Result: time for pure meditation. Blue whales probably all achieve enlightenment by age 20. That means 60 years of blissful nirvana."
- Durham1988
"Blue Whale for sure."
"Just spend my life cruising the ocean, eating tons of krill, and singing."
- kanst
"Lame. I'd get bored with nothing to do for so long. If I'm signing up for another lifetime it's sure AF not so I can just be bored back to death."
- [Reddit]
"Then when you get too old to swim you'll drown and wash up on the shore to be poked by tourists until you explode. Win win."
- jerrythecactus
Giphy
The Passage Of Time
"A Galapagos tortoise."
"I'd get to live a really long time on a nice little island sanctuary with warm year round temperatures, and a conservation crew there to make sure that I don't die if I do something stupid."
"It'd be nice just to see the people around me change, get old, die, and a new set of people come in. I would literally be observing the passage of time for humans."
- Fluffy_Carpenter1377
"You sound like a super villain. I'm here for it."
- [Reddit]
Giphy
The Cooler Version
"Tiger or zebra so I could be the cooler, stripey, version of lions or horses."
- badpatriot15
"Tiger Always"
- Above2526
"Tiger cuz, who wants to mess with a big cat other than other big cats?"
- cheekiemunky13
Giphy
No Business Like Crow Business
"I remember the first time going to the Grand Canyon, I saw these crows who would just catch the thermals and glide around all day eating lizards. I'd like to be one of those guys."
- funky_grandma
"A crow."
"Absolutely intelligent animals, and they can fly and look badass as f***."
"Oh! And they can talk!"
- Thinker_girl7
Giphy
Not As Bouyant
"Hippopotamus!"
"Nothing f*cks with a hippopotamus! They are cute and badass all at once."
"All day long just hanging out in the pool and wallowing with no predators, I could live like that!"
"I've thought about it as a human. I can't swim unfortunately. I have tried to learn but I'm not as buoyant as a hippo."
- whynousernamelef
Giphy
A Good Neck Stretch
"I would be an owl."
"Rotating your head that much and not breaking it sounds rad. Living in the night and being able to fly in silence is rad, too."
"Also, those big eyes they have, bro. They're awesome. Lastly, the sounds they make. Majestic."
- awaceka
"Uh, that's way too much puking for me thanks."
- [Reddit]
Giphy
Pet-Palooza
"I'd reincarnate as my own cat if I could. He's stupid, but he's absolutely living his best life."
"I mean REALLY not smart. He's so stupid I've seen him pause and get confused about what he's doing while cleaning himself."
"His biggest source of stress is if the wind from my open window blows my door closed and he has to meow at me to get up and open the door so he can claim his throne: My lap."
- TemptCiderFan
"Someone's pet dog would be the best answer, assuming you somehow get to keep your mental faculties, and that you’re in a good home."
"You get to stay in the comforts of human society, rather than be at the mercy of nature."
"You’re literally there to be someone’s friend. They take care of you, but you’re still important in taking care of them too."
"Your short lifespan might seem to suck, but it means that more than likely, your friend will be there for you from the beginning to the very end. For us, dogs come and go, and we have to deal with that and move on. For the dog? We can be there for them for the whole ride."
- TheLakeAndTheGlass
"A pet parrot."
"I get to live as much as a human, give or take few years. I can talk and watch stuff on the television or whatever."
And I get to look fabulous while doing it."
- Charael
Giphy
The more I think about it, the less I can come up with a response.
My kneejerk response is to go #TeamWhale—but then I remembered humans have turned the ocean into an incomprehensibly loud trash-filled mess.
And I kept coming across that same issue over and over again with every animal.
Humans...
Why are we like this, fam?
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I once had a guy ask me if I was willing to follow him into the woods, depending on the price of the meal.
Yeah. No steak is worth that.
Plans After...
Wait What Wtf GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"Thanks for the ride but I have a date with someone else, I figured you wouldn't drive me if you knew I was going on a date with someone else and I really needed a ride."
"Online dating, talked to her for a while, finally got the courage to ask her out and then she said that as we got there."
iareyours
Mirror Image
“'You look just like my wife!'”
catalinachild
"I did have a guy tell me I reminded him of his son. I don’t believe English has a word to adequately describe my feelings at that time."
UnicornMagicRainbow
"That would definitely do it."
chaotica78
Third Wheel
"'Hope you don't mind if my mother joins us.'"
ofsquire
"Actually had a girl do this on a first date because she had anxiety issues. Honestly wasn’t bad except that 90% of the time she was silent and her mom talked over her."
"I didn’t mind that much and wouldn’t have minded trying again when she was more comfortable except that she was let go at the company we worked at and she deleted her social media profiles and she never responded on her number. Ah well."
Seightx
Liar
Lying Simon Rex GIF by Simon Rex / Dirt NastyGiphy"'Hey bro aren't you gay? I made out with you last night.'"
"Random dude I've never seen before in front of my (f) date."
JHXC16
Was he lying though?
Filter Issues
"'You looked better on Tinder.'"
waqasnaseem07
"Isn’t it basic knowledge that everybody looks slightly worse than the worst picture you can find?"
no_user_ID_found
The Past
"'My ex used to do that too.'"
xxIvyOF
"Yep. I’ve definitely had two otherwise-decent-guy date-situations sour because the ex-comparisons just would not stop flowing. No woman wants to be seen as interchangeable—I’m not here to perfectly fill that ex-sized hole in your life. Focusing on the present moment and a future we could build together is a courtesy we need to grant each other in earliest dates of dating."
LarkScarlett
Powerless
"'I'm an alpha, you cant handle my top energy.'"
Midnightgay28
"I actually left a dude in the middle of dinner, in part, for saying this. I ordered an Uber under the table while pretending to listen to him. Went to the bathroom, and never came back. That was when I was young. Now I’d just say, 'How about we enjoy this meal in silence, before we head our separate ways.'”
UnicornMagicRainbow
Mommy...
"'Mother says I should be back by 9.'"
"Saying 'mother says' just feels weird."
bunnyrut
"That gives me Norman Bates vibes."
Werewolf_lover20
"'Mother says alligators are aggressive because they have an overabundance of teeth, but lack a toothbrush.'"
sodaextraiceplease
Obvs...
just kidding jk GIFGiphy"'If you were going to be murdered, what method would you prefer. Purely hypothetical. Obvs.'"
Specific_Tap7296
If it looks anything like a Dateline NBC episode... RUN!
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Or so you would think.
Do people still knit to pass the time? Are people actively collecting stamps?
It depends on who's asking.
Curious to hear about hobby trends, Redditor gizehgizeh asked:
"What are once popular hobbies that are slowly dying these days?"
Before we've become conditioned to living on our phones, these activities used to keep people occupied.
Before Texting, There Was This
"Letter writing."
– littlekingMT
Literal And Tangible Joy
"Well the internet killed pen pals for sure. I do remember I had a Japanese girl for a penpal maybe back in 2007 or so. I honestly don't remember how it started, pretty sure some website, but that was a fun experience. But now I can just straight up talk to foreign people real time, lol. But yea getting a physical letter that someone took the time to write and mail still is hard to beat feelings wise."
– skyburnsred
Model Trains
"When I was growing up, every town had a model train store in it. Now I have one in region and everything else has to be bought online."
– Hairy_Effective1172
Pretty Rocks
"Don’t see anyone playing marbles anymore, I had an awesome collection in school."
– sheeple85
"I had some marbles as a kid in the 90s. My grandma got them for me and I had no idea what I was supposed to do with them. I always imagined them as a thing kids in the 40s played with."
– Ryoukugan
People Were Moving Canvases
"Paintball has been dying a slow death since 2006. Sad, really."
– hobo_recycler
Before the general population began hating clutter, collecting was once a "thing."
Precious Coins
"Coin collecting... I'm a silver/gold nut and I'm always hunting for precious metal coins. whenever I go into a shop they get all excited because 'no one under 70 collects coins anymore.'"
– ThatFishySmell99
Post It
"Stamp collecting."
– spooky_scully_mulder
"Collecting in general, really. Of course there are still prominent collectors but it's slipped more into enthusiast and niche territory than being a popular hobby that you might expect anyone to have."
– iuytrefdgh436yujhe2
What A Gem
"Rockhounding was immensely popular back in the 1950's and 1960's. Personally, I think it's a fascinating and fulfilling hobby, but when I go to a meeting at a rock and gem club, I'm usually the youngest one in the room by several decades."
– filthy_lucre
People once enjoyed making things.
Admiring The View
"Stained glass. I learned how to make it from my old man, and my junior high art class teacher also taught it. Very few artisans are still around."
– brobeanzhitler
Metal Vocation
"Black smithing."
– kenworth117
"I bought a forge to try. It’s insanely hard work, and crazy expensive. I still haven’t finished a piece."
– DSentvalue
Scrapbooking
"Yeah. I'm watching the arts and crafts stores around me completely uninstalling their racks for specialty paper. Now the only thing they have is mega packs of repeating colors/images. To boot all the inclusions like papercraft/die-cut things, washi tape, scissors, stickers, etc have gotten so expensive I would rather go buy $5 bags at value village to get an assortment of things versus buying anything new. I really, really miss yard sales for the same reasons."
– Phantasmai
I envy people who have jobs that are basically their hobbies.
Not everyone gets paid doing what they actually enjoy and have a profound level of passion for.
If they do, kudos to them.
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While the process could take time, some people make our jobs much easier after spotting instant red flags.
Curious to hear about our general radar of people, Redditor xxFluffie asked:
"What is something that makes you immediately dislike someone?"
Some people just think they are absolutely hilarious and never realize they're the only ones laughing.
Next In Line
"They laugh about having screwed someone else over. If you think you're not next, well, you'll learn."
– whiznat
Unfunny
"when you mention you don't like a thing and they immediately do that thing 'as a joke.'"
– wayfinder
Playing Devil's Advocate
"Kneejerk contrarians. People who, no matter what you say you like or believe, just have to dismiss it and say they like or think the opposite."
– BubbhaJebus
People who put others down get slammed here.
Bad Parents
"When they treat their kids sh**ty in public. I don't mean handling tantrums, setting a rule, having to hurry to the train etc. I mean perfectly normal-behaved kids getting in trouble for trailing along peacefully, looking at things, asking questions etc."
"If you don't like tiny humans who learn the world, why have them??"
– raxeira-etterath
Public Humiliation
"Treating people sh**ty in public for laughs. Like being rude to service workers because they think it’s funny. Big red flag."
– Ok_Personality_1080
Simply Uncalled For
"Someone who is a d*ck to other people or animals for no reason."
– xebt1000
Those with ulterior motives rubs people the wrong way.
The Scheme
"If they try to get me to join their MLM scheme."
– spazmcgee1
Hard Sell
"A guy I used to be friends with in high school reached out a couple of years after graduating about a business opportunity he wanted my opinion on because 'you've always been smart', then he set up a Skype call and brought some other dude into the call and they started trying to sell me on what was clearly an MLM scheme. The guy went from friend to 'I'm never talking to you again' in a matter of 10 minutes."
– Mental-Afternoon-164
A Timeline
"Good gawd, this! I've had more than one exposure to this abject bullsh**tery..."
- Back in the late 80's/early 90's I was invited to a meeting of literally the OG "Pyramid" where you're recruited to pay in, and then you go out and recruit others to pay in, and the last in line got f'kall.
- In 1995 I had a coworker try to reel me into Amway, which was a hard no.
- In 2000 it was Pampered Chef, though to be fair they did have useful products.
- In 2009 a coworker tried to get me into some stupid video calling service that was obviously stupid from the description. He even got offended when I called bullsh*t.
– Mystical_Cat
Too much ego is a no-go.
I Can Do Better
"Being a b*tch just to stroke their own ego."
"We get it, you can lift 5lbs more than the 12 year old, you don't have to rub it in their face just because you're slightly better"
– Livia_Pivia
Can't Top This
"Oh, you did <story that's been told>? That's nothing! I did <implausible story>.
"I get the whole empathy through relating common experience, and I'm someone who does that (which drives some people crazy on its own), but there's a big different by empathising through common experience, and one-upmanship."
– Tisarwat
Lacking Conversational Etiquette
"Starting to talk over me when I was already talking."
"Stop it you rude, arrogant jerk."
– R33Gtst
If one or more of these traits sound familiar to you, you're not alone.
We don't have time for braggadocios, pyramid-schemers, and conversation interrupters.
And that's just for starters.
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Pleading to deaf ears...
"My dad told me he had hearing loss and couldn't hear me if I whined because my pitch would get too high."
"Would completely ignore me until I asked him questions in a normal voice."
"Trusted him implicitly until I was 12 and he yelled at my younger brother for whining."- Tyrion_Stark.
Get it while you can.
"That they took everything off the shelves when the supermarket closed."- fgyfddg.
venezuela empty shelves GIF by euronewsGiphySilly superstitions.
"My grandfather used to tell me that if I played with the fire, I'd pee the bed."
"I believed him for a while, until I got older."
"I think he was just trying to protect me from the fire."- teddypa1981.
"Rain, rain go away..."
"That if it was raining where I was, it was raining everywhere in the world."- morningshartz.
Age is just a number.
"My parents used to seem really old to me, so much so I believed they grew up like cave people as children, wearing giant leaves for clothes and what not."- Laleena_.
Hammer Floor GIF by VPROGiphySo that's how they're made!
"That smokestacks from the power plant created clouds."- Scaniarix.
An instant cure.
"The sun gives you sunburns, therefore, moonlight should heal them."- velocipeter.
Better safe than sorry.
"Don't drink and drive meant all drinks."
"My dad was super confused when I told him he wasn't allowed to have any soda until we got home."- hulagirlslovetoparty.
Don't believe everything you see on TV.
"There was an episode of Mickey Mouse where Mickey couldn’t reach something at first, so he tried again and somehow his arm was long enough to reach it."
"As a small kid I believed that if I couldn’t reach something, I should just try reaching for it again and my arm would then somehow be long enough to reach it."- That-Dutch-Person.
love him one piece GIFGiphyThe miracle of childbirth.
"That babies are pooped out."
"When I was like 7 I was listening to my aunt as she explained that childbirth was pretty intense and painful for her, and I was all solemnly like, 'yeah, sometimes just my poops are painful, I don’t think I could get a baby out' and she went 'um, WHAT?' and her reaction made me realize real quick that I had f*cked up somewhere and I tried to change the subject while my mind was just reeling lol."- thesoundingfurrows.
Oh to be a child again.
And to believe literally everything you're told.
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